i have the microphone

Drunk apologies

So we wait

The clock ticks as we count the seconds

Between each

Sentence

It has been a while since we were

Faced with each other

Soul to soul

Sister I have missed because

We slipped apart silently

Now I see your face

Like mine but masked in

Opposites

Two paths torn

From the same hip

Your smile a crevice and

Between the gap lurks something

Sinister

I do not think you are aware that

Though your teeth are bright and new

That brimmed glass is a noose

You keep topping up and

That blue screen is a

Microphone for what you cannot have

I wish we were two

Apples picked from the same

Basket but

I am a fruitcake and

You are not

Kinda a WIP.

After Old Xian’s rockstar pics from the four, I couldn’t resist….
Boyband, with He Tian as the frontman…? I bet his voice is deep, raspy, smokey, sexy as fuck. (I absolutely don’t know how to draw drums or guitars or a stage, so don’t mind the mistakes, pls *laughs*)

*walks on stage*


*coughs*


*taps microphone*


*adjusts glasses*


*realizes I don’t have glasses*


*looks over notes*


*keeps looking over notes*


*changes microphone height*


*looks at audience*


*clears throat*


“Dean Winchester-”


*dramatic pause*


“-is bisexual. 


Thank you.”


*bows*


*walks off stage*

Watch on ultrakdramamama.tumblr.com

Actually Me 😂

Griffin: Are you missing your d20? Hold on, is Dad missing his d20? That’s literally the only dice you need in life.

Justin: He’s missing all his dice, I think. Did you not bring them?

Clint: I just had them, I’ll find them. I put them down…

Travis: Look up your butt.

Griffin: Dad, did you look up your butt?

Clint: (yelling) Oh, there they are!

Justin: I have told you this, old man, you have a microphone. If you yell again, I’m evicting you. I’m gonna make you record this at your house.

You Have Chosen Poorly

I’m playing the Mines of Phandelver campaign with five of my friends via Fantasy Grounds and four of them are totally green to DnD but wanted to give it a try.  (I figured pre-made characters would make it a little simpler on them while they learned the base mechanics.)  As such, I try to be a challenging but forgiving DM while they learn the ropes.

During the course of their adventure, I realized that my players have a bad habit of stacking encounters on top of each other.  The previous week, they managed to stack a grand total of five encounters in one encounter in Cragmaw Castle.  This particular week, they were coming up against a hard-set deadline (because people had work the next morning) and they’d already stacked two large encounters on top of each other while trying to set a trap for what I tried to clue in to the thief (my sister who’s the only one who’s ever played DnD before besides me) was four hobgoblins, not normal goblins like they’d been fighting, but she didn’t pick up on it.  One of the hobgoblins had alerted another encounter that was already on alert from the previous week (the only reason I didn’t have them join the previous five-encounter-dogpile was because of another hard deadline).

So the thief has been nearly killed this session and is getting a little tired of getting wailed on.  So she decides to ninja her way out of there to leave the rest of the enemies to the newbies while she goes hide and loot some random room.  She has a few options: to the north is a lot of nothing, to the southwest is the kitchen the second group of enemies just vacated, to the east is the now empty place the hobgoblins had previously occupied.  All would’ve been good choices.

She chooses the southwest tower.  The worst possible choice.

Having rolled a 21 for stealth, she gets in through the door and I start laughing hysterically.  I have to take a moment to mute my microphone as I howl with laughter and don’t want to blow out eardrums.  I come back online and reveal the one solitary token in the room: an owlbear.

Me (while laughing): “You enter the room and find an owlbear chewing on a bone.”

Human Fighter (Greataxe wielder) who has never seen a token bigger than one square: “WHAT?!”

Thief: “I FLATTEN MYSELF AGAINST THE WALL.”

I have to mute the mic another two minutes while I laugh hysterically.

The other players manage to finish off the other enemies but I don’t release them from initiative since we still had potentially one more enemy now.  Fortunately, she manages to stealth her way back out and shut the door without being noticed.  I give her Inspiration for staying in character in the first place.

And that was how my newbie players learned the age-old adage “Never split the party.”

3

im thinking about my friends kind semi old self insert au for one of his fandoms and these were our ocs (mine are the microphone dude and the one with the bug hairpin)

6

Image descriptions in the captions.

This is why I pay Adobe $30 a month for Photoshop. 

Pretty much all of these puns were made by the amazing @ace-pergers-pigeon. All of the art is by @disasterscenario, with the hopefully obvious exception of Miasma, which was drawn by me. (Why yes, I do go to art school. Glad you noticed the years of training  that went into that painting.) 

BTW if you want to print these out and give them to people for some reason, if you click on them to enlarge the original files are 4x6 at 300 dpi for your high quality low-res printing pleasure. 

Something’s Missing [Jaehyun]

Originally posted by nctaezen

Genre: Smut, Praise Kink :)

Characters: Jaehyun x You (Reader)

Word Count: 1758

Notes: I’ve been on Jae for too long, so I had to write a smut about him naturally. As always feedback is appreciated!

Jaehyun had invited you over to the studio this afternoon to give an opinion on the new track he was working on for the new NCT 127 comeback. You made your way through the busy streets of Seoul, the sun blaring down on you as you waited at crosswalks and turned corners.

You saw the familiar sight of the SM building, entering it with a pass Jaehyun had given you months ago in case you ever wanted to visit him at work. You made your way into the elevator and pressed the button for the 7th floor.

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Amendments

I wanted to try my hand at a trope I enjoy but have never written before. Let’s see how it worked out, lol. Rated M for sexy reasons.


As the applause for Peeta’s speech died down, Mr. Mellark lifted up his drink to toast his son. There had to be over three hundred people in the room, but Peeta’s voice and hands were steady. Winning over a crowd was what he excelled at.

“Thank you for trusting me to take over as CEO,” Peeta said into the microphone. “I promise to give everything I have to this company. While we will miss your dedication, passion, and leadership, I promise there are only bright days ahead for Mellark Tech.”

More applause. A few whistles, probably from his closest friends Finnick and Johanna.

“Now I need to take a moment to thank the most important person in my life: my beautiful fiancée, Katniss.”

Katniss smiled and ducked her head as everyone swiveled in their seats to find her table.

“She has been nothing but patient and encouraging these past two months as I worked nights and weekends to prepare for my new role. She knows how often I lose track of time when I’m in the middle of a project, so thank you for always making sure I ate dinner. While she may not know her way around the kitchen, there’s no one better at ordering takeout.” The audience laughed, and he flashed them a charming smile. “I’m so proud to have you by my side as I take this next step. I promise to make time for you, for us, even as I continue to work hard to support your shopping habit.”

More laughter. A few men in the room elbowed their wives.

“Thank you for coming out this evening to celebrate my father’s retirement. Enjoy dinner! And don’t forget, it’s open bar.” He winked and walked back to his table to thunderous applause.

Katniss stood when he reached his chair. She leaned in for a hug, pressed her mouth against his cheek, and whispered, “I’m going to stab you with the salad fork.”

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