i have strong feelings for damon okay

4

Stefan: Y/N? What’s going on, what happened.
Y/N: It’s just… gosh, I don’t even know.
Damon: Hey, talk to me. I can help you. We both can.
Y/N: I’m just having a really bad day. Everything’s off, nothings going right. I just feel like I’m one… big… failure.
Stefan: Shh, it’s okay. Everyone has a bad day once in a while.
Damon: But don’t ever think that you’re a failure. You’re strong, beautiful, and independant.
Stefan: Damon’s right, you’re honestly the most amazing person we’ve ever met.
Damon: Now, dry your eyes - there’s no reason to waste tears on this. Just believe in yourself like we believe in you. Always.

To be completely honest, I don’t know if I could’ve made it through this whole thing without Gorillaz. Jamie, Damon, 2D, Murdoc, Noodle and Russel have all given me so much comfort. Their music makes me feel like everything is gonna be okay and looking at the Gorillaz Tumblr tag puts a smile on my face. Their such a comfort thing for so many people, I don’t think I’d be as strong without them.

“....Because if this is my last moment with you  Bonnie Bennett. I need you to hear me. I ADMIRE you, I believe in you, and I love you...the same way Elena love you.” Damon Salvatore

Oooookkkkkaaaaayyyyyy.….so I really, really, REALLY thought Damon Salvatore was trying to bring Bonnie Bennet back form her crazy Huntress mode(which I enjoyed Way more than I should) and was trying to make her remember herself…

BECAUSE THAT CONFESSION WAS FUCKING BEAUTIFUL!

We finally found out how Damon has truly perceived Bonnie in all the time he’s known her. He’s admired and believed in her for far longer than their friendship. He even said he loved her………..

But then…But then….he compared his love of Bonnie– to how Elena loves Bonnie….

And then the spell was brokenand I was literally like, “What the actual fuck?”

Why would he even say that to Bonnie? Did Damon literally forget about all that bullshit he said to Bonnie IN BONNIE’S MINDSCAPE? Because let’s face it—

THERE IS AN ELENA-SIZED ELEPHANT IN DAMON AND BONNIE’S CURRENT RELATIONSHIP.

  I am REALLY starting to think that Bonnie has never gotten the “I’m not doing this for Elena” speech and she literally doesn’t know that everything that Damon has done for her–was actually for her. I’m really starting to believe that she thinks that Damon chose to let her live– only for Elena. But ever since the Huntress started taking over –I don’t think she’s okay with it. I think what Bonnie needs to hear is exactly how Damon loves her….and NOT HOW ELENA LOVES HER!

And this is where shit gets hazyI don’t think Damon knows how to correctly articulate to Bonnie how exactly he loves her– and how  his love for her is different from his love for Elena.He has no problem making grand speeches about the nature of their friendship, or telling her to stay strong …. But he cannot express verbally TO Bonnie his exact feelings for her.

  And he may have written it to her in his letter–but I think it’s clear from Bonnie’s mindscape she’s never gonna read that gotdamn letter

And I don’t think he’s truly gonna be able to bring Bonnie back from being the Huntress unless he tells her how he loves her…and ONLY how he loves her.

So, late to the party but better late than never.  I’m just finishing up the episode here and and I’m only really going to talk about Bamon right now (despite how much I actually LOVE LOVE LOVE Stefan) because that was what I was looking forward to the most in this episode.

Here’s where I make a little bit of a confession.  Over the years I’ve gone from a never-miss-an-episode fan to a casual viewer of the show where sometimes I might tune out or I may not always watch all the episodes and stay caught up through the odd recap and of course the fabulous gif sets this fandom makes. What’s actually really holding my interest this season is Bamon and they were amazing this episode. 

I loved the little smiles and the banter between the two before Damon went ahead and did what Damon does.  Kat did such an amazing job this week, the subtleties with which she played Bonnie’s discomfort being back, in large crowds, that sense that she was beginning to feel overwhelmed in the club.  That relief on her face when she saw it was Damon calling, her falling back into a sort of comfort with him and thus grounding herself.  So many varying degrees of emotion that need to be shown and not just said and she hit every one of them on the head.

It was a tough thing to watch but I liked what happened between Damon and Bonnie this episode, how he screwed up because we got to see something here that we wouldn’t have otherwise.  You could see that Damon was starting to pick up on how maybe Bonnie wasn’t doing okay, and even when he meets her at the club he still seems unsure - pushing Kai to hurry up - even though he saw the clues I don’t think that he sincerely knew just how bad it was for Bonnie.  I mean you can guess but until you actually see it (and in Damon’s case later, feel it) you cannot know.  Bonnie, in Damon’s eyes, is this badass, strong woman who held him together in the prison world, she gave him hope - I don’t think he expected to see her this broken.  This is what leads him to helping her get through this - I really hope we get to see more development on this, which him reaching out and trying to be there for her now that he knows.

I hurt for Bonnie a lot this episode… Trying to adjust to being back, being thrown without a care into the problems of her friends again without getting a second to breath (is it a wonder she sought out Damon and waited until the next day to make it known to her friends that she was back?), and then that feeling of betrayal because of the actions of that one person she thought would understand, that one person she counted on to ground her back in this reality.  

I’m really excited to see how this storyline is going to play out and how their relationship is going to progress as a result.

*sighs*

I honestly feel like if Damon were to truly befriend Bonnie, then his character can slowly be redeemed, but for him to constantly be stuck in a relationship with Elena, he can never conquer the negative traits of his personality, or his toxic past. Elena symbolizes one thing to Damon: an unhealthy obsession. She could have been something much more beneficial as his friend, but the writers decided to trash all the characters (and I mean all of them) just for the Delena romance arc. Even Stefan didn’t escape from the clutches of their toxicity. He became the abused puppy that walks around, taking punches for both of them and from both of them. The ever constant and loyal lap dog. Excuse me while I go barf.

I have a bad feeling that the writers will use the Bamon friendship to make Damon appear like a new person for Elena and their relationship will be saved because of Bonnie… which is shit if you ask me. She’s always Miss Fix-It for the writers, and Caroline is always the girl they use to fill in for Elena in one way or another when it comes to lovers. Both friends are bound to Elena’s shadow and the pathetic LT because of the writers

Either way, whether Damon becomes a very close friend to Bonnie, or they eventually become lovers, being around someone that is willing to point out his flaws, have hope in his human side, and be there to take the fall for him, is something Damon honestly doesn’t deservebut ultimately needs. This could help Damon to learn what altruism feels like. If you ask me, Bonnie is more worthy of his respect than Elena ever could be, because she didn’t bow down and give Damon whatever he wanted. She challenged him. Elena never has, even though the writers use side characters to say otherwise. It’s all just empty words, and that really bothers me. Bonnie makes Damon embrace his guilt and not hide from it. With Elena, he is hiding. She is his mask that never allows him to confront himself. That’s what’s truly sad. The writers are using everything to prop up Delena, yet they are completely septic and monotonous in their eternal cycle of “I’m bad for you, but that’s okay. Let’s go fuck then break up again.” Rewind. Repeat.

Ugh. I just had to get this off my chest. It really is irritating and I feel sorry for Nina Dobrev to have to portray such an empty ghost of a character. Elena used to be so strong. She even used to fight back and stand on her own two feet. She helped her friends and defended them. She openly sought them out for their time alone, not because she needed their help with the Salvatore brothers. With Damon, she is like a puppet waiting for a hand to decide her next move, useless, expressionless, a broken toy that needs to be fixed. I miss S1-S3 Elena.

The writers have hung themselves with their own rope and I’m not even sure if they realize it or not.