If season 12 has shown us anything, it’s how very similar John and Mary actually are. Here are some of the most obvious instances:
1. Not taking it for valid/not being happy about their son’s rightful anger and/or hurt and trying to forbid it:
“You’re right. Although I’m not too crazy about this new tone of yours, you’re right.” - John to Dean (1x21), after Dean calls him out on the fact that they were never able to reach him when they needed him. Because it’s completely unreasonable for Dean to feel angry and deeply hurt that John didn’t bother picking up the phone when Dean was dying.
“Do not give me the face.” - Mary to Dean (12x13), when he rightfully looks at her in utter disappointment and betrayal after her confession. Dean didn’t even say anything yet, but apparently he’s not even allowed to look at her in a certain way to express his feelings.
2. Looking pleased and proud when their son is catering to their every need, while he puts himself and his own choices/wishes last:
to Dean in the hospital (2x01) and his elated smile while he talks about how proud he is of Dean for taking care of Sammy and their whole family his entire life, sacrificing his own childhood in the process. And then basically telling him to continue to do so.
Mary looking so delighted and pleased (12x14) when Dean tells her that she can make her own choices and his feelings on them don’t matter.
3. Forcing one of their children into the position of having to choose between their parent or brother, and thus causing a rift in their relationship:
John’s parentification of Dean and making him responsible for Sam’s well-being, while at the same time brainwashing him into following his orders which more often than not had nothing to do with Sam’s best interests. Thus putting Dean into the impossible position of making both of them happy with his actions (basically all their childhood and season 1).
Mary trying to convince Dean to talk to her and agree with her on working with the BMoL and when it doesn’t work, contacting Sam even though she knows that Dean is completely against it. Thus playing/manipulating them against each other and forcing Sam into the situation to pick between his mom and his brother (12x14).
4. Lamenting about what they want for their children, instead of asking them what they actually want/need.
“I want to stop losing people we love. I want you to go to school, I want
Dean to have a home. I want….I want Mary alive. It’s just….I just
want this to be over.” - John to Sam (1x21). It would have been in John’s power to give them at least some of these things. He could have encouraged Sam to go to college and he could have given Dean a stable home while growing up. Nobody forced him to drag his children around the country and letting them live in shitty motel rooms, when they needed exactly the opposite. But his thirst for revenge and his guilt were stronger than his need to provide some safety and support for his children.
“We’ve got a real shot here. A world without monsters. A world where you and Dean don’t have to hunt, where you can have normal lives.
You were going to school, to college. (…) That’s why I’m doing this. That is what I’m fighting for.” - Mary to Sam (12x14). A lovely thought, sure. But does she ever ask if that’s even what they want anymore? Sam tells her that he chose this life. He’s been content with his life and hunting during the last two
seasons and at peace with himself like we’ve never seen before.
Dean even told her in the very first episode after she came back that this is their life and that they’re doing something good and that it’s worth it. They’ve grown up and their lives may not be what Mary envisioned, but her desire to change the status quo comes from her own needs and guilt and nowhere else.
5. Abandoning their sons when they need them and only showing up when they feel like it/need something.
John leaving them alone for days/weeks in shitty motel rooms when they were only children. John not being accessible for them, when they desperately tried to contact him (1x09, 1x12). John deciding they’re better off on their own (1x16). John leaving Dean to rot in jail and when Dean ended up at Sonny’s place instead, taking him away when he needed him with no regard to what was going on in Dean’s life at this point (9x07). To name a few instances.
Mary leaving (12x03), when Dean and Sam were so excited and happy about getting a chance to know her and be a family. Leaving, despite Sam having told her just before that having her here fills in the biggest blank in his life (12x02). Leaving, despite the way Dean physically recoils from her when she tries to touch him because she’s hurting him so deeply by doing it (12x03). And then staying away from them, barely making any effort to get to know them, and only reaching out to them when she needs something from them (12x12, 12x13, 12x14).
6. Not being a mom/dad first.
“I stopped being your father and I became your drill sergeant.” - John to Sam (1x20).
John was always “Sir” first. He was their drill sergeant, as he himself puts it. He expected blind obedience, instead of offering guidance and support.
He didn’t even bother celebrating birthdays or holidays with his children.
“I am your mother, but I’m not just a mom. And you are not a child.” - Mary to Dean (12x13), after he asks her to try and be their mom for once. He never asked her to be “just a mom”. But he asked her, quite rightfully, to put them first for once. To think about how it’s been for them. And to have her throw those ugly words “You are not a child” in his face in response, when that’s exactly what his life has been like ever since he was four years old, was the worst thing to witness. Also - because I mentioned it for John, too - Christmas and Dean’s birthday have come and gone since Mary is back and considering the way Dean is being so openly disappointed about the lack of time she’s spent with them, I doubt she was there for either of those days.
I’m sure there are even more examples, but my heart hurts too much right now thinking about this. Maybe I’ll add things later (Mary is still around to provide more evidence after all).
I would have loved to make a gifset of all these instances, but sadly I haven’t got enough skill. If anyone wants to make one based on this post I’d be eternally grateful!
“Well, it seems to me that the best relationships - the ones that last - are frequently the ones that are rooted in friendship. You know, one day you look at the person and you see something more than you did the night before. Like a switch has been flicked somewhere. And the person who was just a friend is… suddenly the only person you can ever imagine yourself with.”
Happy 20th Birthday Yuzuru Hanyu! Congratulations on reaching another milestone! I hope you have the happiest birthday ever and may your future be filled with happiness, love and many many more triumphs. I hope you remember to love and look after yourself. Thank you for inspiring me to become better and to always work hard and for introducing me to a sport which is so beautiful. Congratulations for all the things you’ve done while you were 19 and I look forward to what you will do as a 20 year old!
You can’t just accept things, Oliver. If I had accepted my life, I would be a cocktail waitress in Vegas like my mother, and I never would have gone to college, and I never would have moved a thousand miles away to work at Queen Consolidated, and I never would have believed some crazy guy in a hood when he told me I could be more than just some IT girl.
Today is finally the last performance. To everyone that came to the Girls & Peace tour, starting from the first concert until today, thank you very much. We have learned a lot of things from the Japan tour, and we were able to have good experiences. Every time we had a concert, we were able to make eye contact with our important fans, and also be with them. We were very happy. To give me the chance to love, and be loved, I am very thankful. Everyone… thank you very much.