i have some alaska feelings right now

heatwave starter sentences

“I can’t bear this heat anymore.”
“I’m melting. I’m actually melting.”
“What? You said ‘get me something cold’. You never implied I couldn’t throw it over you.”
“Don’t be a pussy, it’s just a bit of warm weather.”
“We’re going to the beach. Now.”
“Yes, I’m naked and no I’m not ashamed.”
“Is it socially acceptable to go out in nothing but a wet towel?”
“Wow, you look even worse than I feel.”
“Just how many popsicles have you had already?”
*runs ice cube along the back of your neck*
*throws you into the pool, whether you want it or not*
“If you’re that hot, then why don’t you take something off?”
“No, no, no… not now. It’s way too warm for sex.”
“I’m sweating in places I didn’t even know existed.”
“I went out for ten minutes. Ten minutes! Look at me, I’m basically fried.”
“That looks like a nasty sunburn…”
“You’re not going out there before I’m lathered you in sun cream.”
“I can’t get up… Can you get up? I can’t… I can’t get up.”
“You’re such a stick in the mud! Everyone’s out enjoying the weather and you’re sitting inside complaining about it.”
“Another shower?”
“Please kill me now. This is unbearable.”
“Let’s break into that office block. I’m sure they have air conditioning.”
“I know! Let’s have a water balloon fight.”
*sprays you with a water pistol*
*blows cold air into your neck*
“I can think of some more things to do with ice cubes…”
“This is the perfect timing for an ice bucket challenge.”
“I can’t sleep in this heat.”
“I might as well sleep in the bathtub and it would be less wet.”
“I need refuge, my airco broke.”
“Your neighbours have a swimming pool, right? Let’s sneak in tonight.”
“I’m going to book a holiday to Alaska. Now.”
“I shouldn’t have stayed out so long… I think I have a heatstroke.”
“Is that a rain cloud? Is that a mother fucking rain cloud?!”
“Did you feel that? It was a breeze. We are blessed.”
“Even my cat wanted to take a shower.”
“Don’t smell me. There’s no deodorant that can mask this.”
*throws water balloon straight at your face*
“I take it back, summer is not my favourite season at all.”
“I made an ice water bath, specially for you.”
“If only it was always this nice and warm.”
“I feel lazy and it’s great.”
“Let’s go to the supermarket again and take a very long time staring at the frozen vegetables.”