i have really bad coping mechanisms

anonymous asked:

My mom said that packing is like lying to people and I have really bad bottom dysphoria and I don’t really know what to do like she won’t stop me from packing and stuff but like it mentally affected me

Lee says:

I don’t think packing or binding is lying, it’s just part of your gender expression or a coping mechanism to deal with dysphoria. I think you should pack anyway and try to ignore her, although it’s your decision on what to do. 

some musical asks

Serious: whats the biggest misunderstanding to ever happen between you and a significant other/friend/family member

Blood In The Water: who was the worse teacher you’ve ever had and why?

Take It Like A Man: whats the weirdest/most outrageous thing you’ve ever done/agreed to in order to impress someone you really admired?

I Love Play Rehearsal: are you/have you ever been in theater? if so what was your favorite experience about being a part of theater?

Two-Player Game: who is the one person that you know will always have your back and stick by your side when it matters most?

The Pants Song: have you ever forgiven someone whose hurt you in order to help them/be there for them? did they deserve to be forgiven? 

You and me (But Mostly Me): are you a team player or do you prefer to work alone? why?

Turn It Off: is there something in your life you’ve chosen to ignore instead of dealing with head on? what was it (only if your comfortable saying)?

Making Things Up Again: Whats the wildest lie you’ve ever told? why did you lie about it? did people ever find out?

I’m Breaking Down: how good are you at handling upsetting/stressful situations? what’s your go to coping mechanism?

The Thrill Of First Love: Have you ever been in love? Did you ever tell/date this person? how did it turn out?

The Baseball Game: how bad/good are you at flirting? Whats the cheesiest thing you’ve ever said to someone you were crushing on?

God, I Hate Shakespeare: Have you ever envied someone for their accomplishments? If so how did you deal with those feelings?

Will Power: Have you ever met a famous person you really admire? how did it go? If not, who is one person you’d love to meet and how do you think you’d react upon meeting them?

Piragua: have you ever been in a feud with someone? what did y’all do to try and one up one another?

The Club: Have you ever been to a party? was it fun or an absolute disaster? why?

Blackout: whats one of the scariest situations you’ve ever been in?

@c2ndy2c1d jack and johnny watching a scary movie

YOU GOT IT BABE. I have this weird au headcanon that Jack went back to the past–but only to Johnny’s timeline, and he’s stuck there. So I ran with it. Sidenote that I know it’s canon that Johnny is “afraid of very little save for clowns” but for my purposes he get spooked by anything “scary”

There was a strange sense of exhaustion weighing heavily over Jack’s shoulders as he stepped through the threshold of his and Johnny’s small apartment. 

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on advice for those with mental illness

so inb4 i get slapped with “we cant all be neurotypical KAREN” ill preface this with the fact that i have severe depression, generalized anxiety disorder, moderate to severe OCD (more along the hoarder spectrum), and ADHD. all diagnosed. i deal with childhood sexual trauma as well. my experience is not universal, but it is not in the slightest neurotypical.

so learning how to grow and start healing fucking sucks. it really does. at a certain point it gets easier to just stay in your downward spiral. i get it, i totally do. ive been there for over 10 years (im 21 at the time im making this) and its taken me years of therapy and personal work to get to where i am now. i would consider myself stable at best, but its leagues better than where i used to be. part of that is just being lucky with recent life events, but much of it is me actively working on my mental illness.

cognitive behavioral therapy helps a fuckton. part of that is exposure therapy. it starts with little things. FORCE urself to go outside sometimes. FORCE urself to let something be “clean enough” or “good enough.” you dont have to personally handwash dishes you want to use to know theyre clean. let something be imperect, but start small. FORCE urself to look into someones eyes when u talk to them, or at least look at their mouth. a lot of the early work is about breaking out of your habits, your spiral. and it is work, absolutely. i know executive disfunction and lack of spoons/energy very well. starting small and succeeding tells your brain that you CAN do it.

i also have impulsive, intrusive thoughts. that sort of this is common but for me, its nearly every second of the day. when you start to understand that these thoughts ARENT yours, that obsessions have a cause you can point to, it starts to get easier. often i get thoughts of screaming nasty, racist, homophobic, transphobic things and it used to terrify me!! i used to think that those thoughts defined me or were some sort of “secret personality” of who i actually am. theyre not. theyre just shitty things that you hear and see from other people and your brain KNOWS you dont like them. but things that you KNOW are wrong are very often subjects of intrusive thoughts, especially for OCD. these thoughts arent who i am, and even tho i have to fight to not let that impulse take over, its much easier when you know WHY things happen.

ive been in therapy for years and i only recently told my psychiatrist about my ocd spectrum symptoms. that shit happens. it can be hard to trust someone until youve known them for YEARS. i never even told anyone about that facet of my mental illness until about a month before i told him during a session. my parents dont even know yet (unless they still check out my blog in which case HEY MOM i have ocd but im working on it real good also sorry about all the furries ily)

i have control issues. pretty bad ones. ones where i feel the need to control every aspect of my own life and those of people close to me. ive learned how to talk to people to get what i want from them. ive spent years working on not acting on them. i give people free reign to do what they need to do and offer to help when i can. i make a point to feel the mood of a room and go along with it. i make a point to involve other people in teaching me abt things that they like. being supportive and patient is hard for me, but it makes other ppl feel welcome around me. its probably for an ultimate selfish reason (i feel good that people like me and feel safe around me) but who cares!!! everything in life is selfish. being alive and continuing to live is a selfish act. but its not bad.

its been commonly said that your initial thoughts dont define who you are, but what your words/actions end up being (barring certain mental illnesses that prevent that ofc). the moment my therapist told me that theres things in my life that i cannot control, that there doesnt HAVE to be a reason for everything, it kickstarted the best, healthiest moment of my life. and im definitely not saying that you NEED a therapist/psych to start healing. honestly, that shit he told
me is really simple in basic. but you need to learn how to reach out and ask for help. ask anybody you feel comfortable with for help. getting help does not make me weak, it means i have the capacity for growth.

HEALTHY coping mechanisms will overcome unhealthy ones. youve probably been learning and using healthy ways to cope since you were young and just didnt realize it. think about the way you currently deal with your illness and be proud of it! good and bad! youve survived, and youre still surviving! youre not lazy, or difficult, or a bad person; you just have much more work and effort to put in to do the seemingly basic things that neurotypicals do. you and i work so hard to get to the bare minimum that its exhausting. you have to keep pushing your limits, and i dont mean you have to start yoga (fuck that my brain doesnt slow down enough for that) or run every week (im not there yet either) but just start working on one thing. even if that one, tiny thing takes a month, guess the fuck what!! you did it! you improved, you grew, you started HEALING. the words grow and heal might seem a little cliche and overused, but thats exactly what it feels like.

drink more water, being hydrated makes you feel better. try to eat healthier (mashed potatoes are suuuper easy to make btw u dont even need exact proportions to make delicious tates that YOU made. hmu if u wanna know what i do), youll feel less lethargic over time. stand up a few minutes every 1-3 hours, youll be surprised how much it helps. yes, these sound like neurotypical points of advice, but im there with you. these things DO help. they dont cure you, but they can help expand the base of things you fine yourself able to do.

TL;DR for other ADHD folks: growing as a person is hard. it takes work, actually difficult work. start small. you can do it. eat a potato. thank you.

@nd tumblr

I think it really needs to be said in a more formal way why mental illness Tumblr seriously needs to evaluate what they’re doing. Before I get into this, I wanna say that I know this is just a website and I have a choice in what communities I interact with, but when you are living in an abusive environment and you have nobody to look to but your abusers you usually go to social media. I went to Tumblr because it is the most accepting when it comes to mental illness to some extent, because people didn’t immediately judge me or hate me for my symptoms.

Note: sorry for the strange school-esque organization, i just did headings to make it easier to read for people

Anti-recovery and promoting unhealthy mindsets

For the most part, mental illness Tumblr barely promotes recovery or healthy coping mechanisms. Mi Tumblr (mental illness Tumblr) is mostly talking about symptoms in a unhealthy way and are just saying that suffering is a good thing. I completely understand that being mentally ill comes with a ton of negativity within yourself. It is healthy to talk about your problems, it’s good to be open and to reach out to others, but never promoting good vibes or good coping mechanisms in return is not helping. When someone is having any type of episode, they need help, maybe not immediately for some people because they are in too bad of a state to immediately recover from the episode (just listen to what they need), but they should get support and comfort sometime soon. It’s absolutely ideal to recover and/or get in the habit of healthy coping mechanisms. I feel that mi Tumblr isn’t helping us recover or creating a safe environment for nd folk by not normalizing healthy mindsets and healthy coping mechanisms, they are normalizing the suffering and unhealthy ways to deal with your symptoms. Most posts are just talking about our awful experiences and then ending it there. There is literally no support or comfort afterwards. I understand wanting to relate with others when talking about your mental health. It’s great to know that others are going through the same and you’re not alone, but just do not end it there, for your own health. Try to make a support system for each other with this person since they relate with you. Talk about it with people and try to help each other out. One more example I want to bring into light, is when people reblog others personal posts. Personal posts are for venting and it’s not made for others to spread, but people reblog it anyway for the aesthetic and are not taking the op’s feelings seriously.

I want to get this through with a lot of people that recovering or improving in controlling or coping with your symptoms does not make you invalid. It is okay to recover, it does not make you obsolete to the mental illness community.

Memes within the community 

I want to speak about the whole meme thing going on about mental illness. I can understand that joking about stuff can help you cope, but making mi this huge meme isn’t good for a lot of people. For nd folk, making these memes within the community makes them feel like it’s okay to suffer, like it’s okay and a laughing matter to be depressed or that “lmao i wanna kill yourself everyday.” People make all of these jokes and then say nothing about help and don’t express care for those who are suffering afterwards, it’s just a joke to them. It just promotes more anti-recovery for people. My boyfriend has had actual problems within the community where he would be feeling down and terrible and say “I feel depressed,” and people would actually laugh at him, because it’s a meme within the community to say “I’m so depressed,” or like i said earlier, “I wanna kill myself everyday.” I’ve had similar experiences where I would say “I want to fucking die,” or that “I hate living,” and I am actually entirely genuine and I feel suicidal as hell and people just laugh. People laugh, because they think it’s just a funny meme that everyone parrots in the mi community. It makes me feel disheartened and I regret being open about it because people just laugh within the community because they think i’m just making a meme. All of our feelings aren’t a joke and every nd person knows that, so don’t create these mi memes that we laugh at when they’re an actual serious matter. I understand venting with making jokes, I really do, but do not post it and make it go viral, just keep it personal if you need a way to say something without all of the heavy feelings carried with it. Saying a joke about your mi to avoid talking about the heavy feelings and just mentioning it in a not serious tone is not the best way to tell someone about your problems though. It should be normalized to talk about the heavy emotions when it comes to your feelings, you shouldn’t repress it with making a meme to mask what you’re really feeling. I can understand being afraid of disclosing something that personal to people and saying a joke instead, to sort of say something but not really be serious. Even though this makes sense, try your best to sit down with someone and really talk about your issues to avoid the awkwardness that the jokes could create and also avoid repressing your feelings. These memes about mi to me are just a way of repressing what we truly feel and I don’t think it’s healthy to do that. It should be communnity-wide to feel safe when talking about the heavy stuff and not ignore your feelings, bottling it all up.

Peer pressure

Mi Tumblr makes people feel like they should experience constant negative symptoms to fit in. (”You have to be this negative and upset to be mentally ill”) Having this pressure to be in a perpetuating negative state expressed so often in the community can make us not want to recover because they want to maintain their bad habits to fit in. If you end up recovering or noticing you’re getting better you’ll feel invalid and self conscious about this and want to get back to the unhealthy mindset that Tumblr promotes. I can absolutely vouch for this, absolutely. I have a bunch of mental problems and when I started to date my boyfriend I got a whole lot better about my mental health and I felt I was really starting recovery finally. I looked back at mi Tumblr and I started to get afraid I wasn’t valid as being mentally ill anymore and I started to get back to square 1 because of the lack of talk about recovery in the community. My boyfriend has had same experiences and I also talked to one of my friends about this and she said Tumblr has made her feel mentally worse ever since she joined.

Age groups

The majority of the mi community are minors and are really young in general, and I feel having all of the above normalized in this community is awful to teach these kids at such a young age. The friend I mentioned in the “Peer pressure” paragraph at the ending when I said “I also talked to one of my friends about this and she said Tumblr has made her feel mentally worse ever since she joined,” she is 14 y.o. 

Overall, just learning all of the crap from mi Tumblr is honestly really bad for the minors in the community. For those of you who cannot turn to anything but social media: try to find someone with the same problems as you and create a support system. Try to share coping mechanisms that could help or be there for each other whenever. Make support groups and try to steer away from mi Tumblr, it’s unhealthy as fuck. I could sit and talk about all of the awful coping mechanisms I have seen on this site, but that would be a whole new post. Don’t listen to that stuff, if it involves triggering you or making you upset or lying to yourself in the slightest, just don’t do it. Be safe and treat yourselves right and try to recover together and help each other out. Enough of this perpetuating negativity in the community.

Note: Please add to this post if you want to

anonymous asked:

Pls give us an anaylsis (urs are so fun!!) about Aizawa in regards to the fact that he's suffered a signifcant amount this year, enough so that he could very well be suffering from any sort of PTSD. Also like, in general, ppl just don't get the way Aizawa is w/o some sort of past event happening. How would that still affect him/add onto his trauma that he's suffered this year? Am I coherent in this ask? I hope so.

oh man, thank you! i’m happy ya’ll like my analysis, but just remember this when i someday get to the point where i start writing and posting 10,000 word analyses for bnha like i do with loveless. remember this. 

in all seriousness, you have asked me about my favorite aizawa topic. let’s do this shit. (minor manga spoilers, especially for current arc ahead)

it’s finally time to put my clinical psychology degree/education to use because god knows i don’t do that in real life. let’s talk a little about ptsd in this context. i’m going to go ahead and make the argument that i undeniably believe that aizawa has some sort of undiagnosed ptsd for sure, just because of the overwhelming amount of evidence pointing towards that. and, i’m also going to say right now that while i think the worst of it stems from the amount he’s been put through this year, i don’t think that’s where it originally stems from.

headcanons about aizawa’s childhood aside, there’s something really off about him pertaining to the way he seems to experience emotions. his entire character is about him being logical, rational, and really not liking any sort of emotional approach to problems. like, to an extent where it is absolutely concerning. his entire problem with all might is that toshinori has a tendency to act emotionally in situations, rather than logically, and aizawa seems to hold some sort of very minor grudge over him because of this, enough so that he half-shittalked him in front of the kids. despite this, though, aizawa has repeatedly made in the moment decisions to throw himself into danger when someone else is at stake. he’s literally done this enough times that it’s turning into a running gag in the fandom. the whole reason he’s in the predicament he’s in right now in the manga is because he shoved izuku out of the way and took an attack for him, which, from the most recent scene with him… seems to be exactly what they expected him to do.

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More thoughts no one asked for from the local psychologist with some personal experience in these matters: I will say again how flippin GLAD I am that Waverly fucked up as bad as she did. I mean I won’t pull punches that girl dug her grave, lay down in it, and poured dirt on herself. And she was positively savage to Nicole. But the thing to remember is this facet of Waverly- the cruel, angry, self defensive part- COEXISTS with every other facet of hers. Bubbly Waverly. Awkward Waverly. Super smart historian Waverly. Every one of those versions of Waverly is her as a person, together they make her. They do not cancel each other out. And the thing is, it is so so important to receive this difficult reminder that someone so sweet, kind, funny, and intelligent can also be horrible. Because that’s how real people are. They have good and bad sides to them. But just because now we’ve seen her bad side, her worst side, does not mean that all her good sides are somehow gone. Cause they aren’t.

And to people saying this bad side is bad enough to make Waverly inherently toxic- no. Now how she behaved towards Nicole that episode was absolutely unhealthy and horrid. Do not get me wrong there. But unhealthy behaviors do not automatically translate to an unhealthy relationship as a whole. If this happened all the time then yes, unhealthy relationship. If she didn’t see an issue with her behavior or did nothing to improve- then yes unhealthy relationship. Another thing to keep in mind is where the boundary between a healthy and unhealthy relationship is is going to be different for literally every couple. Everyone has different coping abilities and what they are able to deal with healthily and move past on and what is too far for them will differ person to person. So say if my girlfriend did what Waverly did, I am not sure I have the coping mechanisms to be able to healthily deal with that. But that’s me. Other people DO have the coping mechanisms and the mental/emotional fortitude whatever you want to call it to be able to work past that healthily. 

My main point here is individual unhealthy or toxic behaviors do not necessarily translate to an unhealthy relationship as a whole. It comes down to a lot of factors and one of the most important to keep in mind is its how these poor decisions and fuck ups are dealt with in the long term that really has the greatest impact. And I know for me personally, being reminded that good and bad can exist in the same person is such an important reminder. Because truly the scariest thing is when someone shows you their bad side for the first time and you think now all they are is this bad person. It is the most lonely, terrifying thing. And it’s not true. Trust me guys- thinking that any time someone displays a toxic behavior they are automatically a totally toxic person is JUST as toxic for you. Because literally no one is perfect enough to not have a nasty side in some way or another.Or perfect enough to never make a serious mistake. You have to find balance and it’s hard I know but that’s the truth.


Pairing: Linstead
Timeline: After 4.21
Genre: Hurt/Comfort

A/N: Alright, so I actually loved the episode. It reminded me of how good CPD can be, if they pull their heads out of their asses and just fucking try. But you know how I love writings those fics that come after the screen goes black? I couldn’t resist.

I hope you enjoy this & and thank you all for all the support and kind words.

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people really gotta seperate unhealthy thoughts vs unhealthy actions.
i see so many posts like “we need to call out people having unhealthy thoughts because it’s not right to think like that uwu”
like yeah.
i fucking KNOW my thoughts are unhealthy.
i KNOW they’re not moral.
that’s why im posting them on my fucking vent blog. a place i go to VENT unhealthy thoughts.
yeah, it’s a really lovely and helpful thing to neutrally suggest other coping mechanisms and point people towards things like DBT and other helpful therapies.
but there is no value in replying to a person’s vent post with “THIS IS BAD THIS IS A BAD THOUGHT STOP BEING BAD”
you know what that’s gonna do?
make people feel unsafe on their vent blogs. which, in turn, means they dont have a place to constructively vent their ~unhealthy~ thoughts and urges.
which means they’ll be more likely to act on it.
so, you know, if you’re up for that, go ahead.

Voltron headcanons because why not

-agender, asexual, aromantic, and amazing
-probably 14 or 15
-knows everything, and i mean everything. They know about people’s crushes before the people even figure it out for themselves
-also they know like a bunch of the crews secrets (and kinks, wait what)
-they love technology and use it as a coping mechanism they always have some device with them to fiddle with
-doesnt really get that much sleep because they stay up so late doing things, it’s not uncommon to find them passed out on a keyboard or something
-wore a binder while at the garrison and now kinda goes back and forth between wearing it
-loves to wear baggy clothes because they’re just so much more comfortable
-they might not be able to kick your ass through sheer force alone, but they can most definitely program everything around you to kick your ass in less than a minute
-the time they spent at the garrison confirmed that they werent a dude, and at one point while in space they kinda just said, gender is kinda pointless when you have a robotic magic space lion

-hella bi and knows it (I will fight you on this)
-probably like 18??
-flirts primarily with females when hes around people he hasn’t come out to yet because biphobic people can be dickwads
-always tests the waters to see if a person has a problem with bi people. If they do, he doesn’t come, if they don’t, then he comes out in the most ridiculous ways.
-like singing bye, bye, bye
-or just saying same whenever something is not straight
-or ripping off his jacket to reveal a shirt that says “it doesn’t take an intellectual to get that I’m bisexual”
-(okay, I’m getting a bit distracted, I just have a /lot/ of feelings about bi Lance)
-when he realizes he likes Keith he doesn’t have a “gay panic” he just has a “holy crap I like Keith? I have a crush?? On KeItH?!?!?” (Pidge is in the background nodding like “dude you only do the whole rival thing so you can get his attention”)
-hes Cuban and his first language is spanish and when hes comfortable/lazy (like say after sex, what) he slips into Spanish without even realizing it
-has a huge family
-like I’m talking the middle child of seven kids
-his house is always filled with people. And it’s not even that big of a house, but somehow there’s always like 20 people roaming around in there
-some of them aren’t even related, his family basically adopts everyone, they’ve already adopted hunk and will probably adopt the whole voltron crew
-hes great with kids, kinda has to be with all his siblings and niblings who love to cling onto him.
- because his house is always so full of life he can’t stand silence. One of the reasons he has a hard time in the castle is because it’s so quiet. It’s only when he has music that he’s able to fall asleep because he’s literally never slept in a place that was quiet.
-one of the reasons he talks to loudly and animatedly is because that’s the only way to get attention in a house as chaotic as his
-very tactile. Like he needs to constantly be touching people, if you have a conversation with him you are guaranteed to have him hanging onto you at one point.
-and god forbid if you are sitting down, it doesn’t matter if every other seat is open, he will come and lay all over you. Hunk doesn’t even react anymore when lance just flings himself onto him
-one of the reasons he sucks at flirting is because he just loves using dumb pick up lines on random people. He’s always surprised when it actually works
-hes “dated” like 3 people, he actually dated 2 girls, but only fooled around with a guy before he left for the garrison (it confirmed that he was attracted to both)
-also, lance can totally cook. His momma taught him well. But he only really enjoys cooking when it’s with/for other people

-hes gay, he’s known for a while but didn’t really do much about it. He’s kissed like 2 people in his life.
-probably 17ish. Hes a bit younger than lance, but not by that much
-his mom has been dead for a few years, he never knew his father, his mom was his best friend, when she died it broke him, it was only because of shiro that he got his life back together
-tbh his mom probably wouldn’t recognize him, he used to be such a joyful little boy (oh I made myself sad)
- his dad is galra, which, when he finds out, causes Keith a lot of problems
-like he hides himself in his room, its lance that finally manages to get him out.
-lance gently teases him about the kitty ears and that’s surprisingly makes Keith feel okay about it
-thats when he has the realization that he likes lance
-depending on the level of emotion, his galra features pop up. Like sometimes he just turns a bit purple, other times he sprouts ears and his eyes turn yellow before he even realizes.
-it takes a while, but he eventually gets a hang of it. But when he gets surprised, sometimes it pops out like if someone scares him (or lance looks really hot)
-all the time in the desert makes it so he feels really comfortable being by himself or sitting in silence.
-although he always has to be doing something, even if that something is just thinking about what’s ahead

-keith realizes he likes lance first. Pidge has to tell lance. After their realization they both have a lot of oh no he’s hot moments, like he’s hot, but annoying, but cute?
- they start training a lot together. Lance does it one because he thinks lance looks damn fine when hes all sweaty, but two because he wants to make sure Keith doesn’t over do it and three because he could use the training himself
-but this also is a double-edged sword because at one point one of them will always take off a piece of clothing because theyre so sweaty. The first time Keith takes his gloves off with his teeth lance literally sprints away, Keith is very confused. Another time lance decides to take his shirt off and Keith’s brain just short circuits and all of his galra features pop out because holy crap he didn’t realize just how muscular lance was. It’s at that moment that lance thinks Keith might like him back.
-the first time they kiss it’s because lance is waxing poetic about allura because she’s gorgeous and can kick his ass(yes he has a type) and Keith kinda loses it saying something along the lines of shut up and lance says make me and unf all of a sudden they’re making out against the wall.
-keith has to get used to how much of a cuddler lance is, like he thought it was bad before, but like they can’t be in the same room without lance touching him in some way (Keith really doesn’t mind)
-and yes, there was a betting pool about when they would get together (pidge won (they know all) hunk was only off by a week)
-their main foreplay is arguing, but other times when one of them isn’t feeling well it’s gentle teasing kisses pressed all over

-hes pansexual. And highly values his platonic relationships.
-he just has a lot of love to give
- The first time he left the islands was to go to the school before the garrison. This is where he met lance. And because Hawaii was so far away, he would usually stay with Lance’s family in Cuba.
-yeah they totally bonded over being island boys and missing the surf sun and sand
-hunk also has a pretty big family, but more on the cousins side than the siblings side.
-one of the reasons hunk loves cooking is because it combines science with art in such a beautiful way.
-hes the only person who has ever managed to get the secret family recipes from Lance’s mom.
-loves to walk around barefoot because who uses shoes in Hawaii??
-also, will sometimes slip up and use pidgin words. He gets pretty embarrassed about it because people tend to assume he’s stupid when he talks like that, lance is the first one off the island to not think that, but still
-until…. he’s talking with lance while fixing his lion and asks lance to give him da kine as allura and coran are passing by. Allura is like, what is da kine? Do you mean a thermal stabilizer? Because what he just passed you is called a thermal stabilizer. And while hunk is kinda blushing and explaining that it was a dialect from his island they both just burst.
-like they are so interested and insist on hunk telling them more. And after they learn that it came from hawaiians learning English but dropping the last consonant because Hawaiian always ended in a vowel both allura and coran are like teach us.
-after that hunk allows himself to speak more freely and not monitor himself (it also helps with the homesickness)
-also later they see allura and coran walking around barefoot trying to speak pidgin and hunk kinda just sighs contently because they sound so much like tourists and it warms his heart

-hes at least 25 (they wouldn’t have sent a teenager on an exploratory mission through space)
-also he’s totally the space dad
-everyone comes to him when they need a calming energy.
-it isn’t peculiar to walk into his room and see some of the paladins lounging around quietly doing work
-he helped get Keith into the garrison and mentored him. He was the closest thing to a father figure Keith has ever had.
-shiro loves makeup. Like it started out as something he would let the younger girls in the garrison do when they were feeling down, but eventually he started doing it on his own, going to them for tips.
-for him, perfect eyeliner means that he can survive the day. He lives by the motto “I might feel like crap, but my makeup looks good”
-most of the time he does a simple eyeliner, though if he’s feeling like he needs a boost he’ll add some light eyeshadow and blush.
-he very rarely does a full face of makeup, that’s only for really special occasions.
-when he goes on the kerberos mission he only takes a small tube of gel eyeliner. When hes having a bad day he puts a bit on.
-when he gets taken by the galra and wakes up in a cell he almost cries when he realizes he still has his eyeliner.
-it becomes his coping mechanism. On the days he feels like he’s going to be killed he puts a little bit on. Like the first time he has to go in the arena or the day he escapes
-after a few days in the castle he asks allura if she has any altean equivalent of eyeliner because his jumble of memories is getting worse and he needs something
-this is actually how they start bonding, by doing their makeup together while strategizing against zarkon
-the rest of the paladins keep trying to catch shiro without makeup because they KNOW he can’t have eyes like that, but there’s no evidence otherwise???
-shiro usually does his eyeliner before he leaves his room in the morning and laughs when he sees the paladins camped outside one morning (yeah I may have stolen that from a fanfic, but it’s really good and i like it)

-shes like 2000 years old (basically alteans have longer life cycles, take away the two zeros at the end and you have their “human"age)
-her father instilled a lot of virtues/morals in her, she still lives by these
-shes rather young to be a ruler, most don’t rule until age 3000, spending the previous time traveling to different planets to make connections and spread diplomacy
-her mother died in childbirth, something which was extremely rare, it resulted in king alfor never remarrying and dedicating all his free time to his daughter
-she started training to rule from a very very young age
-coran was her nanny/personal body guard/friend
-the way you can tell she’s stressed is because she becomes extremely forceful
-also she’s a horrible actor, like it’s very surprising she was able to fool the paladins into thinking she was angry (okay she was actually super angry whatever) this kinda results from being altean and from her dad telling her to never lie
-she tends to wear her emotions on her sleeve but because alteans express emotions differently, only coran really understands what she’s feeling.
-shes absolutely fascinated by all cultures, and with all the paladins being from such diverse places she loves talking with them about earth. Like if there wasn’t a war going on and she wasn’t a princess all she would do is go around and learn about different cultures
-you can almost always tell who she last spoke to about earth because she’s trying out some earth custom
-(okay they may have totally pranked her one time by telling her a ridiculous fake custom, when she found out her lecture about not fooling around had Keith almost peeing his pants)
-she can be very scary when she goes into ultimate mom mode and scolds the paladins, it’s worse when both shiro and her are scolding.
-she relaxes by pampering herself like baths, perfume, jewels in her hair, makeup, they remind her of a more carefree time

Shallura (my phone tried to autocorrect this to Shakira)

-they both deeply admire each other for their strength and leadership abilities, but it’s really during their makeup/strategizing sessions that they start to see other sides to each other
-they both slowly fall in love as they start to open up more to each other about their worries, their concerns, but also their hopes and dreams.
-once again, it’s pidge that finally sets their relationship on track to the more romantic side.
-pidge sees them sitting side by side more and more and notices the way they move in harmony. Finally they ask, wait are you two dating.
-shiro and allura kinda look at each other and after a nonverbal conversation both say yes at the same time

-hes like 4500 years old
-he willingly went into the cryo pod because he knew that someone had to be there for allura when she woke up, and although it broke his heart to have to leave king alfor and all of altea, he piloted the castle himself to arus and went into the cryo pod
-hes pretty passionate about hair care and actually manages to get shiro and keith to join him in his hair care routine
-he loves allura so much, she’s his daughter in everything but blood and allura agrees
-when she was young she used to say she had two fathers
-hes actually not that bad at cooking, he mainly makes bland to horrible meals so that way someone else will do the cooking because goddamnit he has a whole castle to run (when lance finds out he dramatically gasps and falls onto the nearest person (it’s Keith) talking about how /betrayed/ he feels)
-he doesn’t really know or understand how humans portray their emotions (or how to deal with them) but he tries in his own way to make people feel better. Like if you’re feeling sad you might find a thing of gloop shaped like a flower (??) outside your room.
Or when Keith and Lance finally get together coran gives them what looks like really long forks (?????) they’re grateful, but confused
-when shiro and allura get together shiro expected to have the talk from coran, but he never expected coran to handcuff him in an airlock. Shiro honestly never thought coran could look so threatening, especially with a bowl and spoon full of gloop that coran had lured him here with.

Wow that was really long. I just have a lot of feelings about these characters and if you want to come scream with me about voltron please feel free.

anonymous asked:

do all Bards generally snap like Gamzee did? or was that just the slime/lil cal's influence? and, if all Bards snap, would they do it drastically once or could they also "snap" like multiple times?? would a bard of heart do that??? whaT EVEN IS THE "SNAP" I AM SO CONFUSED PLEase help ? (Ps sorry to bother you on your vacation! It looks super cool where you are :D )

It’s pretty fundamental for a Bard to be kidding themselves or tricked or mistaken
The quest is realizing it and growing from that
They suppressed their aspect and can suppress in others or make it explode

Every Bard, at some point, needs to wake up and smell the fire burning. Deal with the situation. If things go poorly, this realization could be some kind of volatile snap, as they have to snap to attention and handle the bad things going on

Princes and Bards destroy because their aspect is overwhelming and a negative influence

Bards destroy initial in themself, usually a coping mechanism due to the surplus both around and in them, later evolving into destroying it around them due to that suppressed state, and by their realization, being able to destroy with it as well

This was with Gamzee, having been of slime (a coping mechanism, suppressant) and his religion (coping mechanism, helped shape his world view) and Lil Cal whispering to him how things “REALLY are”

TC: but it’s all good, i’m chill with it. ”
Things are changing about him and his perceptions and he is ok with that

TC: and the floor all stares up back at you through the motherfuckin hole.
TC: only under motherfuckin standing of who all i was made out to be all along.

“TC: i’ve been kicking the wicked ignorance on this shit.
TC: all up in lifelong denial about my calling.

“TC: and now i’m the last one, so i finally motherfuckin understand.
TC: they were always both me. :o)
TC: and now.
TC: i am going to motherfuckin kill all you motherfuckers.”

He finally understands himself and the world around him. For the first time in forever, his is truly aware and accepts what is going on
The big BIG issue was Lil Cal and Doc Scratch

In a moment of clarity, thanks to the video, Gamzee understood his religion was bullshit
But instead of this being a progressive, self development moment, Doc Scratch and Lil Cal corrupted him and used his dangerous ancestry as a lever

Basically they took a very important stage in his quest, a crucible of growth and understanding, and twisted it into making him not just a deadly pawn, but one fueled by thinking it is all his own choice

He snapped in that specific manner for Scratch/English’s game

His realization was basically stollen from him and turned into more of a horrible snap and a danger to everyone rather than something actually good

A Bard’s realization can be more explosive or more tame, but it is very significant self development, making them not only more competent and useful, but also opening up a slew of powers
And if the conditions are right and the pressure is high enough, this could manifest as a total meltdown

burningmanonacid  asked:

This is a serious genuine question: why are autistic people against finding a cure for it? I understand if they personally don't want it to be cured, but why do they feel they don't want a cure at all for anyone? Thanks!

When people talk about curing autism they seem to have the idea that autistic people are basically ‘neurotypical’ people who HAVE autism (they view it as something separate that they’d like to remove to make us ‘normal’). But autism isn’t a separate thing that’s been ‘added on’, or an illness. It’s just the way we are. 

People also often seem to assume that anything negative we experience is because of autism, and anything positive we experience is despite autism. If you’re autistic, everything you experience is basically filtered through your ‘autisticness’, if that makes sense. So if you were to magic away that autisticness, it wouldn’t just remove negative things, and because autism is complex there can be traits that have both positives and negatives (for example, sensory issues: some sensory input might bring massive amounts of joy and feel really amazing, but then some sensory input might cause lots of pain and make you feel ill - sometimes I’ve thought I’d be happier with more normal sensory reactions to things, but ultimately I like the good feelings and I’d rather put up with the bad (and be able to try to find coping mechanisms to deal with the bad) rather than miss out on all the good).

Autism is inherent. You can’t remove it/cure it. So it also seems a waste for people to focus so much on that instead of focusing on our current wellbeing. Also, the knowledge that people do so desperately want to basically get rid of us (as we are) is obviously very unpleasant!

The idea that there should be a cure suggests that there is something wrong with us, and makes it very clear just how strongly a lot of non-autistic people feel about that. So even if there was a cure and we would (genuinely) have a choice as to whether we received it or not, it’s still not really pleasant to be told that you are something that needs curing, that there’s something so wrong with you that there should be a cure for it whether you want one or not. A lot of our difficulties would be somewhat diminished if we received adequate support (which most of us don’t - probably because all the resources that would go towards providing support are being spent on trying to find cures).

Realistically, if there was a cure, it’s likely that autistic people often wouldn’t get a choice. Parents would choose to cure their children (and that would include dependent adult children). Adults who were able to reject a cure would probably still get a lot of pressure to accept a cure (by family, doctors, possibly even other people like employers or colleagues who all just think that, “Life would be so much easier, why wouldn’t you want to be cured of something as terrible as autism?”) which would either result in people unwillingly ‘consenting’ to a cure, or would just cause lots of autistic people to live pretty miserable lives constantly being told how much better they’d be if they were just… not the way they are… and how much more wanted they’d be if they weren’t autistic… and likely that they’re not deserving of support because they could have ‘fixed themselves’. Thing is, we’re not broken. Having difficulties, even significant ones, doesn’t make us broken versions of real people. We’re real, we’re here already, and we could have really great lives and opportunities if people actually took the time to learn more about us and to embrace our differences.

As touched on above, if there was a cure, those of us who didn’t want to be cured would probably lose access any support we do already have. Why put money/resources into supporting autistic people if there’s a cure that makes that support redundant? Why would anyone (particularly those who thinks autism should be cured) support people who haven’t chosen to cure themselves?

The people who want to cure autism also want to find ways to prevent it, and lots of autistic people fear that if it was possible to screen for autism in the same way that people can screen for other conditions before birth, people would decide to terminate a pregnancy if they’d been told that their child was likely to be autistic. Basically, if you’re autistic, you’re constantly being warned that you don’t really deserve to exist. We are constantly trying to fight against that, trying to explain our experiences to people and trying to convince people that we are worthwhile human beings as we are, but the damage that’s already been done (by companies like Autism Speaks, and people like Andrew Wakefield) is really hard to undo. So I think most of us would expect that, if cures or preventative measures were possible, there would eventually no longer be any autistic people. And the ones who slipped through that ‘net’ would still suffer because the world would be even less inclined to want to support autistic people/there’d be less autistic people around to make them feel less alone.

Even the idea that autistic people can be cured is dangerous. That rhetoric is linked to fear-mongering, and the idea that autism should be hated and eradicated. Lots of children have dangerous ‘treatments’ forced on them, and  are basically abused under the guise of being ‘cured’ or ‘improved’. Lots of autistic people are murdered by their caregivers (and the reports are usually more sympathetic to the caregiver than the murdered autistic person). Lots of people refuse to have their children vaccinated, which also puts those children at risk of serious illness and possible death, and also risks the lives of other children who aren’t yet vaccinated, or can’t be vaccinated for some reason. There are parents giving their children potentially lethal bleach enemas, because risking their life and their health is somehow acceptable just because they’re autistic? 

It’s a massive waste of resources! We’d rather people spent time and money on trying to improve services for autistic people! So much money gets wasted on research into the causes, all with a view to eradicate us. It would make a much bigger difference to autistic people if the money went towards services to support us.

Often, people claim that those who don’t want cures are trying to speak for/over those who have more obvious difficulties, or have specific presentations (for example, being completely non-verbal). They’re making assumptions, though, because there are lots of non-verbal people who communicate in other ways and have made it clear that they wouldn’t ever want to be ‘cured’. I know that some autistic people dislike being autistic and would want to be cured, but no one really asks why. Is that purely because they’re autistic and that makes their life hard/miserable, or is it because of lack of acceptance, lack of support, etc. Considering all the history and negative experiences autistic people have (often not actually because they’re autistic but because of how other people perceive us, or how things are structured to cater to allistic people), that does make me wonder whether with more genuine acceptance and with more effort going into support rather than ‘cures’ the people who do dislike being autistic might actually be much happier. It is hard to see so much negativity surrounding who you are and to not start to feel like you are somehow wrong or a burden. It’s also hard to have difficulties and see information that focuses purely on positive aspects of being autistic (which are often there to fight against the negativity, but can alienate people who are having a hard time). Basically, we either get told how awful our lives are and what a burden we are (which can hurt all of us), or we get told how gifted we are and what amazing contributions we make (which hurts the people who aren’t gifted, and who don’t feel that they contribute towards anything in any way). More recently I think there’s much more balance, and if that can continue we’d all be better off. 

My personal view is that if I have to change myself that drastically to be able to live a happy life then it’s not really me living it, anyway. So I’d prefer if if resources went towards letting me be me (and enabling me to have a good life), and if people wanted me to be able to be me, if that makes sense? 

We want to be accepted. People can’t accept us and want to cure us at the same time. It just doesn’t work because autism is inherent/intrinsic. You either accept us as we are, or you clearly don’t accept us.

When people are focused on trying to ‘fix’ us, we’re basically in danger, because the ultimate goal outweighs our wellbeing. When we’re viewed as ‘broken’ we’re viewed as less than human, and that means people think they can treat us however they want (because we’re not really real people until we’re ‘cured’).

We need the focus to switch in order to be able to live full and happy autistic lives, and to protect our community (including the next generations) from all those potential harms.

anonymous asked:

Are you concerned at all with Bucklemming handling the episodes just after Dean has "buried" (burned) Cas and just after he has him back(ish)? They don't have a great track record with well, most of anything.

I am not at all, my speculation long before we knew they were writing that episode is that 02 (and maybe spreading into 03 as well) would have loads of regression stuff that would piss people off it they don’t see it as such. Then they say its BL and I was like…. ok another tick to the box that that might actually happen.

I hope they write Dean as having a couple of one night stands and drinking and all the stuff that some people would be really pissy about because I absolutely think this is a perfect way of showing his regression and his facade, Jensen literally said Dean is putting up a wall, so it fits imo that this could easily happen and expose to the GA that every other time it happened it was because of this facade, for the coping mechanism, the ‘John’ side, after having just said that John was a shell after Mary died in 12x22 - I just totally see this.

I also, tentatively, really do see a pattern recently of BL being given the *shit* episodes where bad stuff that fandom will dislike has to happen as those things are not just relevant to their episode but the overall arc… so yeah. It wouldn’t surprise me and to see them taking the flack for it.

I don’t like their clunky writing, I don’t like their casual misogny and the rape and I would rather they not be writers on the show. HOWEVER they DO give us great Destiel, they DO give us fantastic exposition for some of the character stuff and yeah there is a part of me that feels that there could be a real theme here … 

So I’m not worried and if it LOOKS like Dean is backtracking and you get angry because fuck BL, “they are making Dean get with women and Destiel isnt going to happen and bla bla bla”, just remember that I will be squealing about how brilliant it is, how it’s clearly exposing this and how it’s about to be subverted in 03 and then finally, conclusively, later in the season :p

Sanders Sides Good Omens AU

Fandom: Sanders Sides (and, to some extent, Good Omens.)

Pairing: Logan & Virgil. Nothing more than platonic stuff happens here, but I’m not sure you can sustain only one friendship for thousands of years and have it stay, you know, just a friendship.

Warnings: non, unless the apocalypse (implied) counts

Word Count: 637

Summary: How, exactly, Virgil (an angel who not so much fell as sauntered vaguely downwards) tried to tell his boyfriend adversary that the end of the world was imminent.

@thebaagelboy enjoy.

Read it here, under the cut or here on AO3

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

How did you get so fat? I mean who tf eats until they get to 270+ pounds lmao

How did you become such a hateful bitch? Sincerely, you are a mean bitch. I have never done or said anything negative to you. So for you to just take time out of your day to try to make me feel bad is awful. I just really want to nail it in, how nasty of a person that you are. AND, my parents taught me to use food as a coping mechanism, fuck you very much


Maladaptive daydreaming has plagued my life ever since middle school…and it is almost at a point where I have begun to almost lose days upon days to it. It feels so hopeless.

If you don’t know what it is, in easy terms its daydreams that are so elaborate and consuming that it begins to negatively affect your life. Its a daydream you lose yourself in, having these movie like plots in your head, characters you create, alternate versions of yourself in multiple situations, etc.

For as long as I can remember, I have had these daydreams. Ever since middle school I think. There are triggers that set it off for me, most the time music and cartoons I find to be the biggest ones. And they have triggered it for so many years now. To me its almost like a drug addiction at this point, its uncontrollable.

Ever since they started, I have not said a single word about it to my family or friends. Because the symptoms are very embarrassing and almost psychotic. How can you tell your family,

“Yea I have these elaborate daydreams that make me pace and flail back and forth in my room and talk to myself or an invisible person and cry for no reason cause I’m acting out a character.”

They would think I’m fucking crazy. And for all these years I believed I was crazy. That I was the only one doing this, that I’m just psycho.

The pacing and arm movements I do are the worst part. I have been caught multiple times by my family members. I end up laughing it off and having them think I’m just dancing. But when really I’m in this all consuming daydream doing these uncontrollable repetitive movements.

It’s almost my escape mechanism, it takes me some where that makes me forget about my uneventful, isolated, and somewhat lonely life. And it just allows me to disconnect from life for a long time. I usually can day dream for hours on end.

And I hate it. Its made me severely self conscious, made me have bad isolation issues, and has made me miserable some days. Its really begun to affect me mentally and emotionally.

And I’m just tired of it.. I just want to be normal And not feel like I’m a maniac…

anonymous asked:

hi dad i was wondering if you might have advice for me? i have really bad inattentive type ADHD like REALLY bad but i also have OCPD and i am basically dying? there are things i need to do like clean my room but i'm also maintaining a collaborative writing project (it's a roleplay site who am i kidding whatever) and we're supposed to open again soon but i have almost nothing done bc it all has to be done Perfectly and i just can't even begin anything. do you have any advice / resources maybe?

So, after some digging, I was disappointed to find few resources regarding ADHD/OCPD comorbidity. The same goes for,,, any sort of coping mechanisms for OCPD. Most of what I found was about coping with family or friends or spouses with OCPD - very little was about the individuals themselves who have it.

Past this, the few pieces I did find were limited. Coping mechanisms such as:
• Keeping a reflection journal
• Bibliotherapy (books! Reading about your disorder and other, similar topics)
• uhhhh yeah that was fucking it

If you wanted, you could try doing what I do for my own obsessive habits in certain cases (like i will literally rewrite the same list for 5 hours until it looks Good™)

• Remind yourself incessantly that it’s Okay if it Isn’t Perfect. It’s,,, really fucking hard and the need to Rewrite and Re-Do is always prevalent.
• Take a step back from the task at hand. Work on something else for a bit and come back to it. Makes it easier to identify What Is Wrong™™™ and try to remedy it
• give ur anxious or obsessive thoughts/ideas a name and then tell it to fuck off when it starts to bother you (White Soccer Mom™ names work best, imo. Like Barbara or Karen)

As for inattentive struggles, notes. Everywhere. Tape them up, put them on stuff. 3 notes for every task, taped where you Have To See Them. Provides constant reminders for what u gotta do

(I’ve been trying to find resources and I didn’t want to just Throw Together A Bullshit Answer for you which is why I’m only answering now 😭)

anonymous asked:

I haven't seen this addressed a whole lot, so I though I would ask my favorite blogger! I was wondering what you think of Dean and alcohol. Do you see him as an alcoholic?

Hi! Thank you so much!

Well, let me *ahem* try to keep this concise. If anyone else wants to add, please do, I’m sure there are so many excellent past meta posts about Dean x alcohol!

I think Dean has many issues, most of course stemming from his upbringing. Main ones being toxic masculinity, being Sam’s parent, a repressed and pretty aggressive childhood and the associated coping mechanisms.

Alcoholism is a coping mechanism, same as sex, fast food and general sublimation. Dean and sex is generally a way for him to have closeness with someone more than the actual sex, it’s a comfort. I mean of course he likes sex, but the comfort thing is a big factor, especially when you look at the reasons WHY he has sex every single time… There is a recurring theme of repression of his feelings and emotional turmoil every single time he has sex in the show. Sex is generally seen as a bad sign for Dean’s mental health. I mean even just his go to reaction knowing it might be his last night on earth is to have sex… he’s said it more than once, so… yeah.

Why sex? Because it dulls the emotions, it takes your mind off things while it lasts, in the same way that alcohol does.

So, the alcohol. For me it is a learned coping mechanism from John, as he has stated before, was a drunk and also a “shell” of himself, so not perhaps the best role model… but it was all Dean had apart from Bobby a little later, who was also a drunk.

We do see Dean sink into a kind of alcoholism, particularly during season 7 for example. Most of the time his drinking is associated with “darkness” and bad moments, similarly to sex, with of course Demon!Dean being the most obvious alcohol and sex wise:

Originally posted by deans-isengard

Then of course the pretty textually alcoholic first half of season 7 but also of course we see a lot of Dean drinking in season 3 in the period before he goes to Hell and in season 4 after he comes back and is not coping well with the memories of it and the associated self hatred.

However since season 11 especially for me, he has mostly replaced alcohol with coffee, though of course some very emotional moments will still have him reaching for the bottle, for example drinking in 11x23 when he thinks the world is ending, like when he lost Mary and Cas in season 12. In 12x19 for example there is an empty bottle of whiskey on his desk, but we don’t see him actually drinking it or going deep into alcoholism as we may have done in the past.

So, I don’t actually see Dean as an alcoholic or even really as a recovering alcoholic, but more that he uses alcohol as a coping mechanism on occasion and sometimes he verges very closely on being an alcoholic, but given that he seems to give it up with relative ease each time, I wouldn’t myself class him as an actual alcoholic, but that is just my opinion and I don’t really have any authority at all on this subject having never been there myself. 

Also of course alcohol is sometimes often associated with good things in the show too, with a familial feel. 

Generally I see whiskey as the “bad” omen, often associated with their emotional distress and beer as a relatively “good” omen, often associated with family.

Sam never really had such the same issue, but I do still see the liquor/beer divide with him too.

Even Cas is part of the family with this now, well, he did learn from the best.

He gets drunk on liquor when his faith in his Father is shaken and asks the boys “how do you manage it?”

Originally posted by thefanaticallife

He is shown to be a part of the family with beer:

Originally posted by weallneedcastiel

Season 13 and Cas and Mary’s loss will be an interesting one to see how he copes now that his previous repression and sublimation seems to have been addressed in 12x12 and we now should see him actually coping rather than using these coping mechanisms as he has in the past… 

I’m also very interested to see how the sex part goes as after 12x11′s “its like it never happened” and 12x18′s pretty blatant “this isn’t actually what he was looking for, he was settling” subtext, the next step should be for me that he actually rejects or doesn’t take an open opportunity given to him.

Let’s see! 

The, “some people use x to cope???” meme is funny and all, but let’s make sure we don’t use it to disparage legitimate coping mechanisms, particularly those signed off on by therapists.

I’m honestly terrified of seeing some popular post making fun of one of my odder coping mechanisms. I already struggle really bad with guilt and self-loathing, and I really do not need people shitting on things multiple medical professionals have signed off on and encouraged as actual coping mechanisms.