i have no sense of humor whatsoever

Jared

Thank you for making a joke out of my overreaction when you picked me to ask a question. A dear friend pointed out afterward that it was funny that my hand being in the air was a therapy exercise and was not meant to actually be selected. When you two asked what I thought was going to happen, I didn’t have a good answer. Maybe, I thought I would be brave and not have to actually go through with making good on my bravado. Thank you for being patient with me and helping me laugh at myself.

Thank you for putting up with more profanity than anyone should have had to hear so close to their face. A person like you is probably not expecting to have someone say “What the fuck?” when they are less than a foot from your face. Your hand on my face was a little scene out of my own personal hell. Your right hand on my shoulder was a reminder I could turn away and leave whenever I needed to. 

Thank you for letting me hug you so tightly. My body reacted before my brain kicked into gear. I could (almost) handle you repeating “You’re okay. You’re doing so well. I’m so proud of you,” but when you added in “I know how it is,” you broke me a little bit. It hurts my heart that other people have to know what it is to be betrayed by the chemicals in their body. To know what it is like to have “fight or flight” kick in when there’s no threat whatsoever. 

Thank you for letting me run away. 

Thank you for being so kind to me later in the day when you had no reason to listen to me speak. Your sense of humor is a delight. In those few seconds you gave me a chance to laugh at myself.

Thank you for being a safe place. Thank you for taking care of yourself and being brave enough to share that journey. Thank you for your kindness and love even when it’s easy for others to feel unworthy. Thank you for knowing that you are not the problem for people like me. You are a safe place to test out our new coping skills. You are a training ground for bravery.

This was my last convention and I’ll never see you again. Thank you for giving me memories to carry with me.

Twister (John Laurens x Reader)

Word Count: 1467

Genre: Fluff, maybe a little humor but not a whole lot.

Request/Summary: Noise Complaint  (Yes you do have to read Noise Complaint first for Twister to make any sense whatsoever.)

AU: Modern

Warnings: Awkwardness, Cussing, King George exists, that should be it.

Masterlist

A/N-YAAAAYYYYY finally Noise Complaint Pt. 2!!!! I still do have requests to finish and I will, I just wanted to post this… so yeah… 


You laughed. No, you actually laughed. This guy made you laugh. You hadn’t had a date that could make you laugh in six forevers.

“(Y/N)!” A man exclaimed, approaching your table, your smile fell as fast as it had appeared.

“George.” You greeted sourly.

“When am I gonna get that second date?” He asked, his British accent more annoying than ever.

“Hmm… is ‘never’ open for you? It’s about the only time I have free. I’m a little preoccupied.” You reached across the table and took Strawberry’s hand in yours.

“I’ll see you around.” George growled.

“Bye.” You waved, your voice brimming with artificial sugar. As soon as he was gone, you retracted your hand and rolled your eyes.

Keep reading

My review of Season 7 so far (rant included)

So, I just finished episode 69.

I’m not liking this season so far. Here’s why.

GOOD THINGS

  • Jaya (I can always use more of that)
  • The humor (that’s still intact)

BAD THINGS

  • Wusako (Why would anyone want more of that)
  • Misako
  • Dareth
  • No one uses their brains except for the snake lady
  • Things that make absolutely no sense whatsoever are driving the plot (the apple watch having a function that detects time blades was stupid and only existed as a poor plot device)
  • Big reveals are unexciting and leave things to be desired

All of the bad things amount to one thing: bad writing. Good ideas are gone at this point and now this show is running on fumes. Ninjago seasons were getting good until Day of the Departed (I haven’t watched the mini series yet). And I think I finally figured out what’s been going on behind the scenes. If you want to hear my rant, read below the cut. If you don’t, leave a like if you want and move on. But, I spent a lot of time typing this up, so I hope someone actually reads what I put some actual effort into.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

whats mob psycho 100? why does mob look like a melting danny fenton?

(LMAO because he has no physical strength whatsoever.)

Mob Psycho 100 is an anime that’s airing this season. (It has great animation too. Here’s a preview.) It’s from the same creator as One Punch Man but it’s definitely not similar story wise. From the synopsis and opm, I thought Mob was going to be a psychic Saitama with a bowl cut, but I couldn’t have been more wrong in my life. It’s definitely got ONE’s sense of humor that’s for sure, but it’s also surprisingly emotionally riveting. I just read 67 chapters of the manga and I have been crying so much. 

Mob’s an extremely powerful esper but his strength is determined by his emotional state which is monitored to the viewer as a percentage. So daily stresses might make him go up to 22% stress. An extreme scenario where he hits 100% and he quite literally explodes in a sense.

This emotion can be something like anger or even sadness. Due to this, Mob actually suppresses his emotions all the time because he doesn’t want to hurt anyone. He doesn’t like violence at all. But he keeps everything bottled up until it blows to 100%. What really struck a cord with me in the beginning chapters is when Mob asks Reigen what happens when someone passes out. Because when Mob passes out, he goes into ???% mode and the guilt affects him a lot.

And also he is just the most precious child please look at him.

So tldr; I thought this was gonna be One Punch Man but with psychics but instead I got the importance of mental health, the consequences of bottling up emotions, not to let verbal abuse affect me, how morals aren’t strictly black or white, and to stay true to myself no matter what happens.

Sensors: Strong, talented, probably epic spy people who are also probably assassins, has all the friends and good taste in music

Intuitives: Too focused on their brains to care about being epic spy people, probably accidentally drove their car through one of their mind portals and are now in Antarctica, can’t really be talented at anything since they’re frozen, has only giant bald ice beavers(??? I forgot what these are called) for friends now, and their car radio broke so they have no music whatsoever and therefore no taste in music

twatcitytrick  asked:

Anyway ur one of my absolute favs like who else would I lament my sexual attraction to robecca and see talk of gang bang participants w zero shame whatsoever? Pls never leave me ily

MMMMMM they’ll have to pry my over-invested-ness to this garbage fire from my cold dead hands, dw. 

Also like. COULD SAY THE SAME TBH??? You’re such a lovely and fun person to be around and honestly this place would not be the same without your energy and your sense of humor and your coolness. If you ever decide to delete I’m just gonna show up at your door and be like “I live here now”, sorry. 

Also. LISTEN. Robert, when he’s like silent and still, he’s hot, he’s so hot. Rebecca is also so hot. Like. I’m human!!! Asking me not to find two hot people together hot is biphobic because I’m bi and it inconveniences me.

Eh. Gang bangs aren’t even the worst things I have ever publicly discussed tbh.

Windows For The Dead [KagaKuro]

Kagami would like to say that he didn’t believe in ghosts, but he did, and he was terrified of them. In America, he heard all about haunted houses, and it scared him to the point that he vowed to never buy a house of his own. He stayed away from them in Japan too, because these people were even more crazy about horrifying urban legends than Americans – he’s seen the movies they made.

Now, while it was common courtesy to tell someone they were buying a house where someone died a gruesome death, at least in the movies, no one ever actually thought it would be a good idea to admit they were renting you a haunted apartment. Which was apparently what happened to Taiga, if the spooky noises he heard at night were anything to go by.

“Tatsuya, I’m not joking!” he complained. “This place is haunted! I hear all this grumbling like someone is moving the furniture!”

Himuro sighed into the phone. “Are you sure it’s not just your snoring? Or the pipes?”

“Tatsuya!” he protested. “I’m serious! Stay the night, just one night, you’ll see!”

“Now, why would I willingly sleep in a haunted apartment, Taiga?” deadpanned Himuro, and sighed again. “Just move out, you can crash at mine until you find another place.”

Kagami whined. “Can’t. Paid for four months upfront…”

“Well, that was stupid. Better get used to your new roommate, then.”

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My Grandparents

I absolutely have to share this here, even though it has nothing whatsoever to do with MBTI. My grandparents are the most wonderful, adorable couple ever. My grandfather is a big German, and my grandmother is a little Italian. My grandfather is quiet, with a corny sense of humor. My grandmother is … Italian. They’ve been married for over fifty years.

The other day they were at my house, and my grandfather, who recently suffered from a stroke and is recovering, was wearing a T-shirt that said, “I love it when my wife lets me play golf.” I thought that was appropriate for him, since Papa, as we call him, loves to play golf and does it as often as he can.

I said, “Papa, doesn’t Gram always let you play golf?” Because it’s a well-known fact in my family that Gram never makes a fuss about Papa’s golfing habit, and she even buys him golfing equipment and stuff like that.

And Papa said, “Well,of course. I love her all the time.”

And then my heart burst. So, to all those sad cynics who think that marriage is silly, pointless, and doesn’t last, I present to you … my grandparents. 

I haven’t met Taylor, but I am lucky enough to know a fraction of her mannerisms, a sliver of her beliefs, a teaspoon of her intentions. I know that her eyes bug out when she thinks about losing it all. I know that she thinks there’s some inevitableness in that, and I want to tell her with earnest there isn’t. My god, I know she has a sense of humor that’s so ingenuously nuanced that some folks are just finding out about it now. I know the kinship she feels with her fans has no trace of irony behind it whatsoever. On tour, I recall being close enough to examine the back of her head as she sat on a stool strumming the guitar, her hair in an excessively normal ponytail. I had the simplest, smallest thought that she’s just a girl. Just a girl, I thought with warm familiarity. Just a girl, I thought with a deafening feeling that together we have conquered something impossible.
—  Caitlin

anonymous asked:

Sam has got to comment on the Twitter banter between Cait and Stephan! Come on Sam! A year or two ago I bet he would have commented. There is NO reason whatsoever for Stephan to mention Sam after a bath especially if Cait has a SO. Unless all these OL folks have a twisted sense of humor with Graham saying S & C have a brother-sister relationship and Diana talking about Sam's ass and torture endlessly. What's your take?

His thing now is ignoring Cait’s tweets, remember? I highly doubt he’ll say anything. That being said, if Sam and Cait were just friends there’d be nothing to hide and he probably would have said something, much like he did in 2014. The utter and complete ignoring makes it seem like they’re hiding something and very suspicious, as does the fervent and desperate need to call their relationship anything more than a friendship hence the brother sister thing. It all reeks of desperation to cover up.

anonymous asked:

Turn offs on a guy?

haha now THAT is a list:

• no morals
• acts like a thug (can’t deal with that)
• acts like a fuckboy (REALLY can’t deal with that)
• doesn’t respect his parents
• bad hygiene
• no masculinity whatsoever
• someone who expects me to do everything for him but not do anything for me in return
• liar
• cheater
• one hand on me, he’s dead
• over-possessiveness
• greediness
• selfishness
• sex addict (i have my limits)
• lousy sense of humor
• no sense of humor

“ …there was no significant difference between the groups in thinking Colbert was funny, but conservatives were more likely to report that Colbert only pretends to be joking and genuinely meant what he said while liberals were more likely to report that Colbert used satire and was not serious when offering political statements. ”

Note that white liberals are only “more likely”, they are not immune to the belief that he is both funny and serious about what he says. This isn’t foolproof stuff, this type of supposed humor that Stephen Colbert peddles.

As I was saying earlier, if your supposed parody or satire is not only not a caricature, but such an exact characterization of the thing you mean to ridicule, that it cannot in any meaningful way be differentiated from the putative object of your ridicule, then of what real value is your work as social commentary? 

People say “Colbert is just joking, it’s just satire,” yet that is clearly not actually the case, and this is borne out by evidence. Sadly, this paper is behind a paywall, or we’d have a more precise look at the results.

And the man himself admits that his goal is not to actually provide social commentary, so why people are so quick to rush to his defense on the grounds that he is performing satire makes to rational sense whatsoever. This widespread perception that Stephen Colbert is in business to hold a mirror up to conservative inanity is immediately disproven. What he is in business to do is to make money, and I don’t have to sit hear and be quiet, just because you think he’s funny.

Free speech means I have the right to tell the lot of you to Fuck Right Off and Get the Fuck Out of my sight, and my having done so doesn’t constitute censorship or a lack a humor on my part.

It doesn’t make me weak; to the contrary, so far as I am concerned, it is you who are the weak party in this debate, if you cannot even find the courage to stand up to a face on the TV who has no real power to inflict damage on your life. No, it is we who are at actual risk, we who show strength by standing up to a society in which we suffer at a structural and institutional level, we are the the truly strong ones.

#CancelColbert

12 SCENES FROM THE FIFTY SHADES OF GREY BOOK THAT WERE BUTCHERED IN THE MOVIE

NUMBER 9 - IT WAS NICE…BUT

Here is an example of a fairly good scene that could have been so much better. The setup for the scene in the movie is basically the same as in the book, with the exception that Kate is present in the apartment. The actual sex scene is short, but not bad.  In the movie, though, after sex, Christian asks Ana if she has made up her mind about the contract and she answers that she is still thinking about it, Christian gets upset and gets up and leave, with no regard whatsoever for Ana’s feelings. He, actually, behaves like an asshole, leaving Ana alone and bewildered.  Look how different it happened in the book:

“So you are still considering my proposition?” 

“Your indecent proposal … yes, I am. I have issues though.” He grins down at me as if relieved. 

“I’d be disappointed if you didn’t.” 

“I was going to e-mail them to you, but you kind of interrupted me.”

“Coitus interruptus.” 

“See, I knew you had a sense of humor somewhere in there.” I smile. 

“Only certain things are funny, Anastasia. I thought you were saying no, no discussion at all.” His voice drops. 

“I don’t know yet. I haven’t made up my mind…Are you staying?” 

“I have a breakfast meeting tomorrow at the Heathman. Besides, I told you, I don’t sleep with girlfriends, slaves, subs, or anyone. Friday and Saturday were exceptions. It won’t happen again.” I can hear the resolve behind his soft, husky voice. I purse my lips at him. 

“Well, I’m tired now.” 

“Are you kicking me out?” He raises his eyebrows, amused and a little dismayed. 

“Yes.” 

“Well, that’s another first.” He eyes me speculatively. “So nothing you want to discuss now? About the contract.” 

“No.” I reply petulantly. 

“God, I’d like to give you a good hiding. You’d feel a lot better, and so would I.” 

“You can’t say things like that … I haven’t signed anything yet.” 

“A man can dream, Anastasia.” He leans over me and grasps my chin. “Wednesday?” he murmurs, and he kisses me lightly on my lips. 

“Wednesday,” I agree. “I’ll see you out. If you give me a minute.” I sit up and grab my T-shirt, pushing him out of the way. Reluctantly, he gets up off the bed. “Please pass me my sweatpants.” 

He collects them from the floor and hands them to me. “Yes, ma’am.” He’s trying unsuccessfully to hide his smile.

I open the door for him and stare down at my hands. This is the first time I have ever had sex in my home, and as sex goes, I think it was pretty damn fine. But now I feel like a receptacle— an empty vessel to be filled at his whim…Christian stops in the doorway and clasps my chin, forcing my eyes to meet his. His brow creases. 

“You okay?” he asks tenderly as his thumb lightly caresses my bottom lip. 

“Yes,” I reply, though in all honesty I’m just not sure…He leans his forehead against mine, his eyes closed, his voice strained. 

“Anastasia,” he whispers. “What are you doing to me?” 

“I could say the same to you,” I whisper back. 

Taking a deep breath, he kisses my forehead and leaves. He strolls purposefully down the path toward his car as he runs his hand through his hair. Glancing up as he opens his car door, he smiles his breathtaking smile.

FSOG Chapter 12

Could that have been so difficult to portray in the movie?  Why instead of this sweet Christian, a Christian who is actually beginning to change, we got an absolute asshole?! I don’t understand. But, the way this scene ended in the movie has never sat well with me.