i have no idea where did these come from

Can you even imagine what it would be like to be a rookie player and get drafted by the Aces?

Lil’ baby hockey player is going to play in the big leagues with Kent Fucking Parson whose career he’s followed for years. He can barely even believe his hero is also going to be his captain. 

He shows up the first day and one of the other players surreptitiously takes him aside and says, “Parse is going to eventually ask you a question. You’d better say yes if you know what’s good for you.”

“But what will he ask me?”

“You’ll know when he asks it.”

So, the poor newbie waits with breath held for The Question for a while. Kent Parson surprises him. The Aces captain has always come across as a bit cocky in interviews, but when there aren’t any cameras around, he’s different.

The new guy almost forgets that there’s a question coming up until one day, after practice, Parse leans over and asks almost too casually, “I should ask, do you like cats?”

Everyone freezes in the change room, their eyes are suddenly fixed on the kid. He can feel his skin prickling in cold sweat. Parse’s expression is unreadable as he stares down the newest team member.

“Uh, um, I–” he stutters. It’s several long and uncomfortable seconds before he squeaks out a, “Yes.”

The tension is broken instantly. The guys sag in relief and and turn back to what they were doing before. Parse smiles brightly and punches the kid in the arm playfully before he pulls out his phone. “Okay, you have to see this picture of Kit from yesterday…”

As Parse continues to talk about his cat, the rookie is seized with a terrifying thought as the horror starts to sink in.

How is he going to tell his captain that he’s allergic to cats?

Rromani FAQ

What’s up, fam? For International Rromani Day this year, I thought it would be a good idea to maybe post some basic info. So here is your IRrD cultural crash-course cheat sheet:

  • The word “G*psy” is an ethnic slur. It comes from the misconception that we originated in Egypt (hint: we did not). Basically, white Europeans were like “hey those guys are brown. They must be Egyptians. lol ‘Gyptians. lol ~G*PSIES~”. AKA, they couldn’t be bothered to ask where we actually came from. Some Rroma have opted to reclaim this word and may use it to refer to themselves. That does not mean that it’s okay for just anybody to use it. Friendly tip: do not use this word unless you are actually Rromani.
  • Rromani people trace their roots back to India and some parts of Pakistan (but mostly India?). While many don’t necessarily consider themselves Indian or even South-Asian, we are also not white.
  • We are a diaspora group. That means we were expelled from the country/left nationless.
  • Rroma come in all colours. Some of us are dark-skinned and some are light-skinned. We are all POC. There are certain physical traits that are common in our ethnic group, but that does not mean that we all have these traits. In fact, many of these traits have been used to stereotype us, which isn’t cool.
  • Our culture involves a lot of dancing and music. And food. And our food is generally pretty spicy.
  • We are not Esmeralda (The Hunchback of Notre Dame). In fact, that book is hella racist and the movie isn’t really much better. In the book, Esmeralda was a gadje (non-Rromani) girl who was kidnapped by Rroma (stereotype) and raised in their community (stereotype). As you will know from the movie, she dressed provocatively (stereotype) and danced for coins (stereotype). Rroma women are often portrayed as sexual objects, which is really gross tbh. Although the cute lil’ goat friend is 110% factual. I mean, not really. But I had a goat friend. Her name was Rochelle. More on that later.
  • Rroma men are often stereotyped as lazy.
  • Other stereotypes include fortune tellers, witches, thieves, beggars, and street performers. I am here to tell you that we are honestly no more likely to do these things than any other cultural group so… yeah? And those that do are often forced into these positions by laws and discrimination in their home countries.
  • Speaking of which, forced eviction, mass deportation, sterilisation, systematic impoverishment and oppression, workplace discrimination, segregated education, and TAKING CHILDREN AWAY FROM THEIR FAMILIES are problems that Rroma are still facing TODAY.
  • Rroma are sometimes known as Travellers because we have historically been a fairly nomadic group (by necessity). Rromani people would (and many still do) travel from place to place, looking for work, only to be chased away by prejudiced locals. Think old man on a porch shouting “Get off my lawn!” at the paper boy. Dumb, right? Right.
  • We do not want your children. For some reason, gadje think we want to steal their children? Some even think we eat them??? We do not do this.
  • Gadje is not a bad word. It literally means “non-Rromani person”.
  • Our language is called Rromanes or Rromani Chib. There are like a gajillion different dialects. Those of us who actually speak our chib might not be able to understand another Rrom because of dialectical differences. It’s complicated.
  • We are not a costume. A G*psy is not something you can just become. You can’t convert. You either are or you are not. Wearing long skirts does not make you a ~*G*pSy*~. Being a hippie does not make you a ~*G*pSy*~. Pracitising witchcraft does not make you a ~*G*pSy*~. We are not mythical creatures. You cannot become Rromani any more than you can become Black or Asian or Hispanic. It is especially concerning when people act like we are a style instead of an ethnicity because a) it makes a mockery of our culture, and b) makes it seem like we do not actually exist.
  • Bread.

I’ve been thinking about this for hours, so I decided to bother you all with it now so that I’m not alone in my suffering:

If Hisashi should come back, then I want him to become friends with Toshinori.

Now, don’t get me wrong here. This will be awkward for everyone involved. Hisashi will come back, looking forward to seeing his wife and his son – only to realize that he has missed so much. Inko and Izuku have changed a lot. Inko is still the kind, sweet woman he loves, yes, but she has seen many years of being alone with Izuku. Things between husband and wife have changed a lot.

And Izuku? Izuku has changed even more. Gone is the little boy, shy yet easily excitable. Suddenly, there is a teenager who has seen hardships, a young hero with a quirk – where did that come from anyway? – who is still a bit shy, still a bit awkward, but who is so, so strong.

And then there is Toshinori – no All Might himself.

Hisashi would have to be blind to not see how much Izuku adores the former hero. Whatever happens, Toshinori is the first person Izuku turns towards to look for advice or approval. Toshinori is the one Izuku turns to with a grin when he did something right. Toshinori is the one who gets looks full of adoration and warmth, who gets bubbling laughter and childish pouts and everything in between.

Toshinori, and not Hisashi. Because Izuku doesn’t very well remember his father – too long gone he had been. Too far away.

Toshinori, on the other hand, feels just as awkward as Hisashi. After all, he is not part of this family – at least that’s what he thinks. He’s never husband nor father nor is the Midoriya-family any of his business, really. And on top of all that, he had been the one to make Izuku into a hero, to endanger that boy, and Hisashi as Izuku’s father has every right to be angry at Toshinori, in his opinion.

Both men struggle with finding their place in all of this – finding out how to be close to Izuku without taking him away from the other.

And through all that struggling and carefully maneuvering around each other while still acting normal around Izuku, both Hisashi and Toshinori realize that they do have more in common than they first thought.

For example - they both love Izuku, and only want the best for the boy.

Perhaps Hisashi should have been there more for his son, support his dream more. Perhaps Toshinori shouldn’t have made a mere teenager his successor and endanger him. But what’s done is done, and all they can do now is to support Izuku to the best of their abilities.

And that’s what they do.

It takes time, and long talks, but finally, they both come to the conclusion that neither of them is an intruder. That this family and especially Izuku’s heart is big enough for the both of them. There is no need for rivalry, not at all.

Bonus: Much like his wife and his son, Hisashi is a caring person. He quickly takes note of the fact that Toshinori is in a bad state when it comes to his health and that the former hero doesn’t really take care of himself like he should. So it doesn’t take too long until Hisashi starts ordering Toshinori around (“Would you sit down already, I got this, go rest!”) and makes sure that Toshinori never overworks himself if he can help it. Izuku happily aids him with that, and Inko joins in quickly enough.

Toshinori jokingly comments that the Midoriya-family has him completely under control.

There also is a family picture with all of them in it – Izuku, Inko, Hisashi and Toshinori. It gets a special place, somewhere for everyone to see.

Concept:

a significant amount of ancient civilizations have evolved past what we know today, and live in hidden cities in ancient sites… to protect themselves, there is a perception filter/cloaking field about these places, making it look like there is nothing but ruins and ancient monuments remaining.

Additional: Archaeologists are the BANE of their existence.
Children live in fear of failing out of school and having to become an achaeologist wrangler…
Honestly, where everyone else in the world looks at ruins and goes on their way, archaeologists have this drive to just waltz right the fuck through the perception filter.

Wranglers have to intercept, provide a handful of ‘authentic’ ancient dusty items (they replicated 3 mins before and dunked in dust for that old-timey look), provide a brief distractionary explanation of what the fuck is happening while the mind-wipe techs lock on to the visitor’s biosignature… then help carry them back outside the barrier, and put them in their car or somewhere equally ambiguous, afterwards.

The tracking chip usually alerts them if the archaeologist remembers and comes back, or is just a really persistent pain in the ass. On the fifth incursion event, they just flat-out keep the fuckers; saves on paperwork, and stops permanent memory damage from so many wipes.

They get placed with an amenable, patient family, and integrated into society. Some even end up archaeologist wranglers themselves, in a weird twist of irony.

It’s interesting for everyone.

8

Natasha in every episode of War & Peace → 1x01 Part One

When I think of Boris, I can’t really remember him at all, even though he kissed me. I try to remember him, but somehow his face doesn’t come. No, nothing. Isn’t that terrible?… Will you write to Boris? No. No, I’d be ashamed to. Ashamed? Why? I don’t know, it would just feel awkward. False. That’s because you really love that funny one with the glasses! Pierre? I do not! Where did you get that from? Seeing you dance with him. What strange ideas you have.

Growing up with strict parents

When I was younger, I couldn’t understand the fact that people had a boyfriend/girlfriend. I couldn’t even tell my parents I had a crush on someone without getting in trouble. So throughout jr high and high school when everyone was dating and I wanted to so bad, but I was so socially awkward about it because the idea that parents were okay with it was the craziest thing. And even when I finally did get a boyfriend, I never actually told them. Eventually I didn’t try to hide it so they found out. My dad gets upset when my boyfriend is home from college, he thinks that my boyfriend shouldn’t come home to see me. Sometimes I have to lie about where I am what I’m doing or who I’m with because my parents would kill me if I was alone with him or hanging out with him too much. I’m 18, ready to move out, and they still treat me that way, giving me lectures about how having a boyfriend is wrong. What they don’t realize is that I just want to feel loved, he gives me that, they don’t

I feel like some people without osdd/DID think that we system members have a free pass to get out of any situation and just sleep while someone else takes over.

I can see where this idea comes from, but… it’s not like that at all. Don’t get me wrong, I love sleeping, but I hate being unconscious while someone else is fronting because when I get back the body hasn’t had any rest. One minute I’m fine and the next I feel like I’ve run a marathon, and it feels like shit. Even more so for alters who tend to wake up towards the end of the day.

And that’s assuming I get to “skip” through all the time I was unconscious. Usually when I’m not fronting it feels like I’ve been tossed around in the back of a truck while someone else is driving it, it’s not really a nice rest when the body itself is not resting.

Beyonce put on her journalist hat and sat down with Solange for Interview magazine, and it’s wonderful.

BEYONCÉ: I remember thinking, “My little sister is going to be something super special,” because you always seemed to know what you wanted. And I’m just curious, where did that come from?

SOLANGE: I have no idea, to be honest! I always knew what I wanted. We damn sure know that I wasn’t always right. [both laugh] But I’d sit firm, whether I was right or wrong. I guess a part of that was being the baby of the family and being adamant that, in a house of five, my voice was being heard. Another part is that I remember being really young and having this voice inside that told me to trust my gut. And my gut has been really, really strong in my life. It’s pretty vocal and it leads me. Sometimes I haven’t listened, and those times didn’t end up very well for me. I think all of our family—you and mom—we’re all very intuitive people. A lot of that comes through our mother, her always following her gut, and I think that spoke to me really loudly at a young age and encouraged me to do the same.

The Aftermath Addendums

Journal Entry 29/1/2017

I received a call from Adrien’s school today… apparently he disrupted class by offering one of his classmate a tampon…

…to eat.

Where did I go wrong?

As such, I am arranging for Natalie to have ‘the talk’ with him. Hopefully, a thorough education regarding the subject of how reproduction works will mitigate any further incidences. 

-Gabriel Agreste



So, @mr-hawkmoth​ and I had the idea of including reaction/response diaries from other characters in the ML universe to compliment the events of The Adrien Diaries. This series will be known as The Aftermath Addendums, and will include a variety of diary/journal/weblog reaction entries from numerous pov… whichever I think would react in the most hilarious way to poor Adrien’s shenanigans. I hope you enjoy!

*Please note, other add-ons to this weird universe I am creating (with the help of @mr-hawkmoth) will also be tagged using #The Adrien Diaries & #The Aftermath Addendums

Batman v Superman - Clark Kent x Reader

A/N: I know this prompt was supposed to be angsty but I couldn’t justify making the first prompt I ever did with the All American Boyscout sad. Here’s some Halloween fluff instead!”

Prompt:

“Babe, I’m fucking done”

+

imagine both bruce and clark losing a bet to batmom where if they were to lose they’d have to dress as each other’s alter ego for halloween LMAO imagine all the pouting and angry brooding from those two

“I have to say, I think this might be the best idea we’ve ever had.” You giggled to Batmom. She nodded eagerly in agreement.

“Oh yes.” She agreed.

“Well come on boys! We’re waiting.” You called out to the men who were probably sulking and avoiding the grand reveal of their lost bet.

“I feel stupid. Why is the underwear over the tights?” Bruce grumbled as he stepped out in the Superman costume that Batmom had bought for him. He looked unbelievably annoyed and uncomfortable in the costume. Batmom couldn’t help the snort that escaped her mouth at the sight of her husband.

“You’re one to talk. What’s the point of these?” Clark asked poking at the pointed ears of the cowl he had pulled over his face.

“Not that it’s any of your business, they have a functional purpose.” Bruce said.

“And what would that be?” Clark questioned skeptically.

“Classified.” Bruce shot back.

“Oh really?”

“Alright boys, stop fighting. Besides we shouldn’t keep the Justice League waiting much longer. We know they’re eager to see this sight for themselves.” You said tauntingly. Tonight was the night of the Justice League Halloween party and you and Batmom made sure to spread the word around the League. Clark pulled down his cowl and pulled you aside.

“Hey Darlin’, do we really have to do this? We’re never going to be able to live this down. Please? For me?” Clark asked softly with his warm hopeful gaze. You shook your head with a little grin.

“Oh no. You guys should have thought of that before you bet against us.” You said.

“You’re really going to go through with this?” He groaned.

“Oh yes. Babe, I’m fucking done with the two of you constantly bickering. The two of you need to learn to get along.”

“Me? I get along with everybody! He’s the one that’s always being difficult!” Clark argued quietly.

“Clark.” You said giving him a disapproving look. He sighed and looked shamefully down towards the ground.

“Yes, Ma’am.” He relented. You smiled and went onto the tips of your toes and pulled to cowl over his head. Once the mask was in place you leaned up and pressed a kiss to your lips.

“Just grin and bare it, love. Our torment will be over with soon enough.” You offered with a gentle smile.

“Not soon enough.” He grumbled.

“You might make a good Batman yet.” You giggled kissing his pouting lips.

I like watching girl streamers a lot because I feel like I learn easier from fellow girls rather than guys. I told one of my friends this and he immediately said “But you know, guys play better than girls and most of them are low elo.” Where did this come from and who the hell ever came up with this idea? Only because video games are dominated by males doesn’t mean girls are bad. Why do we have to put one gender down for us to feel better?

4

The Chronological Superman 1961:

The incredibly loose framework of the Bizarro World stories (such as this one from Adventure Comics vol.1 No.290) meant that more than reason was thrown out of the window. Daffy characters and conflicts troubled the equally-daffy homeworld every month with little rhyme nor reason, albeit with great energy and enthusiasm. 

Above, for instance, some forgotten characters whose existence and end were never fully examined: Bizarro-Hipster No.1 (he was into it before anyone else, as evidenced by his number), Weep-And-Wail Bizarro Lois and the Bizarro Cool Cat Combo create alarming jazz numbers and tone poetry into order to celebrate the appearance of genocidal blue Kryptonite monsters, dedicated to destroying Bizarro World.

Who are the Blue Kryptonite creatures? Where did they come from? What do they want? Where did they go? Why do they have brain heads and weird veiny bodies? And where have all the Beatnik Bizarros gone? Wouldn’t Beatnik Bizarros actually be squares? What’s going on here? I have no idea, and I guess it isn’t terribly important in the grand scheme of things. 

Squeedleeyah — voom!!

We really wanted to show what Sheriff Stilinski’s life would be like without Stiles,” executive producer Jeff Davis tells TVLine. “A long time ago, we thought, ‘What if he loses Stiles, but gets something back in return? What if he gets his wife back? What does that mean? Where the f–k did she come from? How is this possible? That’s a big part of the mystery, and we have a lot of fun with it.
—  Well colour me confused Jeff, cause I have no idea what’s going on!
2

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(Read top speech bubble first)

Childhood Memories

Ever wonder what was Nick’s backstory before he met Judy? What were his parents like? Where’s his dad? What got him into the con-fox business when he was 12? Lets find out…

Guess what, after a few request on wanting me to continue this story…. I did it, and I kinda have some ideas now for a whole plot lined up for this, hopefully I would be able to finish it. (really, I’ve never made a long comic before!). I reference a lot from deleted scenes, ideas from the directors that never made it to the final film and some other things that I think its suitable haha! I don’t plan on having any tame collars involved. 

important note:  Please pardon my english, it may not be as good or sound professional enough as it is my second language, plus I’m still learning.

anonymous asked:

What are your thoughts on the dialectic of form and content with regards to different forms of shitposting. I will expect a reply in the form of a shitpost plz and thank you

What up, kids. It’s your boy DJ Fearwax coming at you with a RADICAL analysis! (haha, see what I did there?) Today I’ll be looking at the different forms of shitposting, their historical development, and their relations to one another.

First thing’s first, my broletariats, we have to find out where the word ”shitpost” came from. After all, ideas have a material basis and don’t just spring up out of nowhere! That Hegel dude’s exclusion of materialism from his dialectics was totally bogus.

Early shitposting

As a dialectical response to low-quality posts on the something awful forums, the users on that site began using the term “shitposting” to describe posts or threads deemed of low quality. Its first recorded use was by user “OhSNAP!Tray” in April of 2007

This term became widely used on many different websites, but the definition was much different from our modern conception of shitposting. 

Early on, shitposts were considered to be worthless. Absolutely garbage posts that contributed nothing to the discussion or the website. Oftentimes they would be filled with racist vitriol and/or unfunny jokes that tried way too hard. Or they could just describe low-quality posts in general.

This here is a good example of the “Classical Shitpost”

As you can see, these posts are absolutely atrocious. They’re just goofy dudes throwing whatever inane shit that comes to their heads on the internet. 

Something I believe is important to note: Classical shitposts are almost never intentional. They arise out of failed attempts of wit, humor, or other constructive content. They are by definition, merely shitty posts.

This wiggity-whack shit was an important stage in the dialectical development of the shitpost though, because it lead to-

Ironic Shitposting

As the shitposters seemed to have free reign over places like something awful and 4chan, a counter-shitpost movement began. These were shitposters dedicated to mocking and humiliating the classical shitposters. This form of shitposting is hallmarked by forced memes, mocking posts that are commonly seen on the website they were posted, and lots and lots of bad design/syntax choices. The subreddit /r/circlejerk was and in some cases still is in the forefront of this movement. Their whole schtick is making fun of shitty posts that are seen in Reddit’s most common subs.

Even tumblr makes ironic shitposts which mock its own internal culture. For example, this is an excellent specimen of a tumblr-specific ironic shitpost.

This post is obviously a response to the shy, hushed tone of voice that many tumblr users seem to type in, accompanied with odd self-depreciating descriptions the bloggers make of themselves.

Ironic shitposting wasn’t without backlash though, which gave rise to the phrase-

This cool chick was used to explain to the users of 4chan that although they were making fun of bad posters, there was very little functional difference between being a fuckwit and pretending to be a fuckwit.

A gnarly lesson that 4chan could apply to the rest of the website (HEYOOOOOOOO)

This tide of ironic shitposting, got brought to places like tumblr and twitter and would be decontextualized from the culture they were critiquing. As a result, many ironic shitposts just became humorous non-sequiteur. This decontextualization of the ironic shitpost gave way to our current understanding-

The Modern Shitpost

The modern shitpost is very much in the same tone as the ironic shitpost, but much more genuine in intent. The purpose of the modern shitpost is more for the amusement of the writer than for any social critique. The modern shitpost comes in many forms and styles, and might be one of the most diverse developments in the history of shitposting. Some of the most common types of modern shitposts are as follows.

Type 1. The Realist Shitpost

The realist shitpost is a shitpost that details some thought or experience of the author, and while it may have the tone of a shitpost it is still grounded in reality. In the narrative of the shitpost we are under the assumption that the events described within the text take place in our world.

Some pioneers in Shitpost Realism are seriousjones and kingcheddarxvii.

Giving a narrative where a farmer names his horse “Mayo” for the sake of a pun or implying that anyone actually likes the beach boys may be out of the ordinary, but it’s still working within the frame of our real world.

Type 2. The Surrealist Shitpost

The surrealist shitpost is grounded in a reality, but not necessarily ours. It has its own internal logic within the shitpost, but that internal logic may be strange or alien to the reader. This disconnect in reality is often what creates the humor.

The biggest pioneer in Shitpost Surrealism needs no introductions. He is internet-renowned for his strange posts. I am of course talking about dril.

Dril and other surrealist shitposters have much in common with dadaism. Their posts give a picture of an odd world where people holler about anubis during sex and make swords out of dead animals. It takes the reader on a journey where the rules of our universe aren’t in full effect.

Type 3. The Vulgar Shitpost

This format has a tendency to straddle the line between realist and surrealist. The purpose of the vulgar shitpost is to shock and disgust. The humor in the vulgar shitpost is often Ren and Stimpy style grossout humor in the form of a tumblr post.

Leaders of this format on tumblr are coldhardcummies and jontronshat

And while he doesn’t have a tumblr to my knowledge, I must give honorable mention to Filthy Frank for being one popularizer of this type of scatological internet humor.

Type 4. The Communist Shitpost

The Communist shitpost is a variant of shitposting that originates with Anarchist and Marxist blogs. Much of the time these posts are dedicated to mocking reactionaries and making in-jokes about leftist philosophies.

Some pioneers in this field include post-teenager, genderkills (now, sadly defunct), and myself (shameless self-plug).

The humor arises from serious political philosophy being applied to non-serious subjects. While most people consider their personal politics to be a dry subject, Communist Shitposters treat their ideology like a big joke. Unlike the more bourgeois forms of political humor that entirely revolve around making fun of the other side, a large portion of Communist Shitposting involves the shitposter poking fun at themselves. Much in line with communist philosophy, all pre-conceived notions of what is considered “respectable” are called into question.

Type 5. The Neoclassical

The Neoclassical shitpost is a post that is made in earnest, but is unintentionally amusing. Exactly like the classical shitpost, the shitposter through some social goof has made a bad post. Unlike the classical shitpost though, the result has a tendency to be more hilarious than cringe-worthy (or perhaps hilarious out of sheer cringiness). Think of your grandmother’s minion posts on facebook, or conservatives unironically taking pictures of themselves shirtless with their guns. Or….

In Conclusion

The material conditions of the internet where just about any square can come and post their shitty discourse, lead to the development of the modern shitpost. In a more regulated or traditional discussion avenue, it’s unlikely that we would have seen anything like the shitpost, because the thesis>antithesis>synthesis that lead its creation would have never taken place without the original bad posts on something awful and 4chan.

Catch ya later broletariats, DJ Fearwax over and out.

As a confession, I don’t really… get? Those fics where Dirk likes to get high to relax. Like. My dude. Did you. Did you not. Idk. Read? The trickster arc? Did you close your eyes and skipped it? I’m??
I mean I understand where it comes from but it’s just. Not really Dirk ya kno.

Anakin Sandwalker
  • Obi Wan: Haha, Anakin doesn't like sand!
  • Anakin: Obi Wan, stop, ur being mean!
  • Obi Wan: the BEST part is Ani-- he GREW UP on a sand planet!
  • Anakin: Obi Wan, stop laughing! It's not even that funny!
  • Obi Wan: Anakin, the Grand Hater of Sand! It should be on a t-shirt!
  • Anakin: Obi Wan, if u do not stop this, I will join the dark side! I could just leave!
  • Obi Wan: No, no, you shouldn't do that!
  • Anakin: *glares*
  • Obi Wan: ...
  • Anakin: ...
  • Obi Wan: *impish grin* *whispers* Anakin Sandwalker
  • Anakin: That's it. I'm a sith now, Obi Wan, you can call me Darth Vader.
  • Anakin: I'm gonna go destroy ALL THE SAND IN THE UNIVERSE!