i have my ways of dealing

Thank you for all of your support today. I know this is a hard one to deal with right now. I promise you, this is the hardest thing I’ve gone through in my life. The last 10 years in this band, and the unbelievable people we have met along the way, have left us with a legacy that will never die. For that, I thank you. I know I can be the worst at communicating it sometimes, but I am so grateful to every single one of you. 

This is for the ones who drove hours on end just to come see their 4th show of the same tour. The ones who waited outside the van at Croc Rock, all the way to the tour bus outside The Roxy, just to say hi for a few minutes before we went on to the next city. To the ones who remember “She’s got The Rhythm” and weekend shows at Chain Reaction. Even to the ones who only ever heard of this band because of the “Jay-z and Beyonce song from the Macy’s commercial”. You all mattered. Whether it was your first song, your last song, your 1st show, or your 100th show (I’m looking at you Madi Convey), thank you from the bottom of my broken heart. Growing up in front of you guys hasn’t always been easy, but it sure as hell has been worth it. 

I’ve always wanted to share this, but it never felt like the right time. Attached is a link to the original iPhone voice note from the night I wrote “Figure Me Out” on my parents piano in the house I grew up in. This was and will always be the most important TSS song to me. May it live with you forever and remind you of 10 years of incredible memories. Long Live.


Made with SoundCloud

anonymous asked:

In what way Devil and King Dice have Bendy?

I’m not the best to ask this to since it was @curious-shadow-cat that created this au. 

Buut, I can only speculate it could have went like this

( p.s. he followed a diy to create Bendy )

Being put into a position that makes me feel like a guilty asshole..

I am not going to rehash the history of my older brother. Those of you that have followed me long enough/know me by now are aware of the deal. Bottom line this past weekend my dad basically begged me to let him stay with us at my house for 3 weeks until he is able to get into his new home/facility. There is far too much terrible history tied to him, and there is no way I could ever let him stay with us. Even if it is for a short period. If that makes me shitty, so be it, but while my name is on the damn mortgage it is not going to happen.

“‘Safe and scary.’ I love that you’ve chosen to put it this way because that’s exactly how I feel. As a matter of fact, I had a friend once upon a time. He told me that I scared him, and I couldn’t understand why anyone would say that, but I get it now. I’m terrified of you, and terrified of the way that I love you. I have no idea where we’re going to be in four, ten, twenty years. I don’t know if you’re always going to be the person I want to call in the morning or the smile trapped behind my mind’s eye. I don’t know how many more of my tears you’re going to have to deal with or whether or not I’ll pull any more out of you. I don’t know how many more days I’ll get to spend in your arms in our corner of the universe. And you don’t either. But I know that we have right now, and that’s all I really need.

I love you. 💜

anonymous asked:

Noooo please don't delete your blog! 😢 Your art style is so beautiful and the way you roleplay Cora-san is amazing. I love this blog! It's sad to hear that you have to deal with those bad things but I believe there are lots of people who are supporting you and who love to see your art. I just hope that it get's better... 😙

AHHH this means a lot,,I’m not going to delete this blog anytime soon thankfully! I just really REALLY needed a break……And I may stay on my hiatus like I am currently, but I still like to use this blog!! You’re all so sweet and I love drawing Cora and making people happy!))

I adulted

I am posting totally to give myself props because in the past 5 days I have:

Called and renegotiated my cable deal, and ended up with double what I had for the same price.

Applied for my disability badge for parking (which I have been meaning to do since January).

Applied to marriage allowance tax break. (ditto)

Gone to the dentists (my most hated thing)

And gone to the doctors for my 6 monthly thryoid test, and got my flu jab.

Like it’s more than I’ve done all year. All whilst my body is giving me a lot of crap, and hates me in every way. Woooo

I deserve a reward. Caryl going canon will do. ;)

ooc; Sup y'all.

I accept most M!As, but please let’s not take my muse’s agency away. Don’t make him attracted to, angry, infatuated, concerned, etc with one person in particular, don’t make him, through anon magic, suddenly view a particular event in a way that goes against the way he does. I can accept those in very specific terms, only for humorous effect. In any other context it feels deeply self indulgent (even fetishistic) and while it may be fun to others, it isn’t for me.

Even more because he does have multiple other people in his life that he cares for and using M!As to favor one of them doesn’t sit well with me.

I know people sending these mean no harm and it’s not an attack, I’m glad you are invested in my muse. But there’s a reason behind the things he does and his retaliation once the magic wears off can be severe, even get in the way I want to conduct his character.

anonymous asked:

I'm starting to think I could be autistic (for many reasons). Furthermore, I suffer from maladaptive daydreaming, and sometimes I feel my compulsive need to daydream comes from emotional or sensory overload. Everything feels too much, so I have to escape in my daydreams. Anyone can relate to this ? Thanks <3

Escaping into imagination is one common way many autistic people deal with the difficulties they may experience as a result of being autistic in an overwhelmingly non-autistic world.


anonymous asked:

How do you deal with your anxiety ? I personally struggle so hard and I don't know what to do with my life because of this. By the way, I'm grateful that someone like you exists in this world. Love following your posts. You inspire me and thank you for that.

Thank you. I avoid anxiety-provoking situations, live in a safe bubble, and when I don’t have the option to because of work and flying and stress and other shit- i have medication on hand.

Simply Complicated

I have never been more proud to be a Lovatic than I am today. I have been a lovatic for 9 years now, but today I can honestly say I am proud of Demi. I am proud of her for sharing her story, I am proud of her for giving her soul to us, her fans, her lovatics. I watched this documentary, and I was crying the whole time. I find it hard to believe it ever got so bad that she felt she had to overdose and attempt suicide. These are very serious and I am not in any way saying these are easy things to deal with or should be dealt with in a manner where you think wrong of the person. It’s sad to think that she needed drugs and alcohol on a literal daily basis. My sister was addicted to heroine and as far as I am aware clean and doing ok, but it’s something she will have to live with for the rest of her life. I know that pretending to be fine may seem well and good, but in the end she ultimately told us she finally needed help. I looked up to Demi when I was a teenager, I thought she was this person who never had anything bad happen to her and she was amazing and nice and hardworking all by her young age. Watching Simply Complicated, to know she was going through this and the world was oblivious makes me really sad that she could’ve had help sooner, even though it’s ultimately her that had to want the help. To know she still struggles with an eating disorder makes me think why did she hide it so long, and I know the fame got to her head, but to see the progress she’s made in her almost 5 and a half years of sobriety from drugs and alcohol makes me proud. To see her not give a fuck what other people think, to just live her life on her terms, and to be happy in her own skin is something I aspire to be. She is a beautiful, talented,funny, and amazingly gifted soul and to see her say fuck the haters and to not let her past (being bullied) define her makes me more emotional than ever. To see her releasing her music on her own terms, not just because it’s a bop makes tell me you love me the most important album yet, and I truly believe it’s grammy winning. Demi’s sixth studio albums has so many types of music and she’s just the kind of artist where literally every song makes you want to dance or makes you want to cry or is so relate-able. To see her as a mental health advocate, and traveling to places like Kenya to help the children and get a feel for what they go through every day is just undescribeable. And I’m now crying again. To see her so happy and healthy with her gym, ju-jitsu, and boxing classes makes my heart happy. She just has come so far and seems so happy and here’s what I say to that Stay Strong Demetria Devonne Lovato. You have a long life ahead of you, and this is just the beginning. 

We buried Loki in the backyard. My brother made a little pot filled with various plants and flowers found in our yard, including leaves from the bushes that have grown on our first dog’s and cat’s graves. He also added a carrot, because that was given to her every meal.

We’re going to get a lavender bushling (sapling?) on the weekend (they ran out at the local gardening store today) to grow on her grave, so in a way, we’ll always be able to take care of her. :)

I’m at this point now where I’m trusting my journey in self-betterment to eliminate negative influences in my life. There have been so many crutches I wish I had the power to let go of, so many parasites on my energy that I haven’t felt strong enough to fight while also dealing with day to day life.

So I’m going to focus on being better. I’m going to stop fighting those issues with my energy and instead channel what I have into me.
And I really believe that along my way, while I grow stronger, what I don’t need or what doesn’t serve me will shed away. I won’t feel that I need them anymore, or that I just have to deal with what I can’t fight. 

I’ve been stronger than this before, and I’ll be even stronger soon.

Gdi, I know it’s not funny, but I still can’t believe it…

So, my stepsister’s side of the family are all people who have grown up in rural Iowa their whole lives, so I can understand some of their more “old-fashioned” ways, but god…

Recently, well no, it was last Christmas, my stepsister’s cousin came out as a lesbian and her whole family threw her out. My stepsister lives with her grandparents and said she’d see if she could stay there temporarily, only to find out her grandmother didn’t want “a lesbian” staying in their house. Gonna add in here that this cousin was 16 at that time. Also my stepsister is bi as fuck and has been living there for nearly 3 years. My stepsister went on to have a very long discussion with her grandmother about how this child was STILL her grandchild, that the whole family should be ashamed that they are treating any human being like this, let alone their own family member.

My stepsister then brought up that no one in the family bats an eye about Jen & Jane (let’s call them that just to be safe). Her grandmother scoffs, says Jen & Jane are just “life partners” and only live together because it’s convenient for them. My stepsister proceeded to laugh in her face, and when I heard the retelling of this exchange, I laughed, too.

I gained my stepsister when I was 8, I met Jen & Jane when I was 8. The moment I met them, I knew they were lesbians. Matching rings, lived together, I happened to be visiting the house next door to theirs, so it was the most obvious thing in the world to me, it was just never said outright by anyone in the family. I get Christmas cards and birthday cards from them every year, they are your typical super nice older ladies. They just weren’t legally allowed to get married before and their arrangement works for them.

Somehow, this 70-something year old grandmother honestly believed that they were NOT lesbians, they were never romantically involved whatsoever, despite living together for 40+ years.

Needless to say, guess who eventually brought my stepsister’s cousin to live under their roof until her siblings got their parents to come around (nearly 2 months later)? Yeah…it’s almost like Jen & Jane had a better understanding of the situation.

Like I said, it wasn’t meant to be funny, but I still just can’t believe the extent to which straight people will delude themselves just so they think they aren’t ‘associated’ with anything lgbt…goodness gracious.


I think I can deal with it, but I kept going through it. Until one day only a few years ago, I thought I cannot deal with it. This is holding me back in life. This is not how I’m supposed to be and I want to overcome it. So I looked back at my life, at the things that may have made me this way that I could change the baggage that I was holding on to and said, “I don’t need you anymore!

It’s so important to know you should be happy and proud of who you are. (x)


Hey, Jonah!

Hey, Cyrus!

  • others: yeah it's good
  • me: . . . , , , .. . . ,, you didn't get super excited and you didn't scream and praise me to no end so i'm going to conclude you hate what i did so i'm going to hate it too
There’s Nothing Wrong With You

One of the best pieces of advice I ever heard was “There’s nothing wrong with you”. 

It was a Monday morning and I was relaxing with friends in a hotel pool after playing Lollapalooza. A lady bobbed opposite me sipping a ginormous glass of rose, and we started chatting. She was a stylist and told me that, when her clients tried outfits on and looked at themselves in the mirror, she would tell them “There’s nothing wrong with you”. I asked her why and she said, “because we all think there’s something wrong with us ”. It was such an odd, simple notion, but I felt like a little flower had opened up inside of me. It hadn’t occurred to me that it could be a universal feeling. There was always something so wrong with ME, I hadn’t considered that other people might feel the same. The comment stuck with me like glue for the next year. 

Illustration by Lan Truong

 I lived most of my life feeling like there was something deeply wrong with me. Everything I did was somehow geared towards fixing the parts of myself I thought were bad or ‘broken’. There was also an odd safety in being broken. I could quietly blame it for anything that went wrong in my life: “It’s not my fault: I’m f**ed up and I am very sorry!”. For a while, I had counselling, and though it was extremely helpful, I started to feel uneasy at the idea of chatting about my problems, potentially for years, if I chose to. Like, really… When would I be fixed?

For me, life =  Experiences + reactions to those experiences. The only power I have is choosing how I react to them. So, though I might have uncomfortable emotional reactions, I can choose to a) accept these emotions, instead of resisting them, and b) not interpret my thoughts as the Solid Gold Truth. Whatever your problems may be, (diagnosed or not), they don’t equate to you being broken. In my own life, it’s been unhelpful to think of mental health problems in this way, particularly when you’re struggling. You are who you are at this moment in time, and you’re doing your best. Brains are plastic. People can, and do, change.

Illustration by Lolrel

  If you follow my music, it probably won’t come as a big surprise to know that I’ve dealt with mental health issues for a long time. There have been 3 things that have helped me decrease periods of depression though. For anyone in the same position, I hope this helps.

1. Meditation

This changed my mind + my life. I started doing meditation in 2013 after Electra Heart had ended. I was burnt out and desperate for change. I took no classes, read no books - just looked at a 5 minute explanation on the internet. I didn’t even do it every day. Just 20 minutes in the morning or evening. In the beginning, I felt a little dubious about the idea of “wasting 20 whole minutes” on meditation each day. But here’s the thing: Meditation is like a vacuum for your mind. It sucks up all the dust and rubbish thoughts. I can easily waste 20 minutes looking at something on the internet that I’ll never think about again, so I can invest 20 minutes in something that changes the quality of my life. This blog described Meditation as “one of the best responses to modern information overload”. I truly believe it can be an antidote to our digital lives.

Illustration by Lolrel 

2. Exercise

I know, I know. When you’re depressed, the last thing you want to do is go outside INTO THE REAL WORLD! But if you’re bottom-of-the-barrel depressed, you have nothing to lose. For years I loved to declare that I “didn’t have a body that could run”  (in order to escape ever having to actually run). But when I start meditation, the negative thoughts about myself decreased and I started to want good things for myself. The motive of exercising was not to lose weight, so it had a different energy to it.

3. Identifying With Thoughts

The reality is, I still deal with depression, but my reaction to it is different. I am more aware of its mechanisms so I don’t take my thoughts as seriously. I try not to identify with a thought and interpret it as truth just because it came into my mind. Why? Because the way I think and respond to events is largely based on my past experiences, so how can I know that my thoughts are my own and not coloured by my past? This is why I don’t always trust my thoughts, particularly when they are of the negative variety. A book I hugely recommend on this is called “Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle. 

I’ve wanted to write this post for a long time for people who struggle with similar issues. Our culture has taught us to see happiness as some kind of end goal, but for me, the best thing about it is that it doesn’t stick around forever. Human beings need to experience some level of suffering in order to evolve emotionally and consciously. And though depression often feels like you’re stuck, or stagnating, it can also be a healthy way of your mind telling you that something isn’t quite right, and that it’s in the process of changing. We tend to view sadness as something unnatural, or negative, but perhaps viewing it as a necessary process might help us accept the low periods, and move through them more easily.

Before writing my last album, I honestly thought that I had just been born unhappy and that depression was a permanent part of me. I don’t believe that anymore. When I was writing ‘FROOT’ I felt like I was kissing goodbye to a big chapter of my life. That portion of my youth was heart-splitting and lonely at times, but it was also dazzling and beautiful. And that’s how life is for a lot of us. If only I’d known all those years that it was just part of being human.

Ask a question or share a thought here.  

Love, Marina

“Dragoneki” isn’t necessarily equal to a tragic ending for Kaneki

Just thought I would write a quick post about this because my dash is filled with people suddenly seeing death flags for Kaneki everywhere. x)

Anyway, as the title mentions, in my opinion the fact that Kaneki became the equivalent of the Nagaraj and is destroying Tokyo doesn’t mean that, ultimately, the only possibility left for him is to be killed by an alliance made between Scarecrow’s side and the ghouls, led by who will probably be Tsukiyama (since he’s another ace card). 

I won’t disagree that it is definitely what Furuta has in mind…

but narratively speaking, in my opinion, at this point it doesn’t make sense for Kaneki to become the “truly great enemy” and to die tragically when:

  • he doesn’t care about the rebellion
  • all he ever wanted ever since the very first chapter of TG was to belong in a family.

Kaneki’s OEK role was literally given to him by Eto and Arima…

at a time when Kaneki found that he had no reason to keep on living, which is why he focused on this task, because that was all he had to keep going forward. However…

…and even after his relationship with Touka blossomed, this part still didn’t change….

…the only reason that he “cared” about the future of ghouls mainly being related to Touka and the future he wanted with her (AKA becoming a family).

Now, I think that it’s no secret for anyone, and for Kaneki as well, that this lack of belief is mainly why he never managed to be a good leader:

…Leading to Ayato and Irimi trying to give him advice, and Tsukiyama being tired of the way he does things when they’re at war. So, in the end, it’s not surprising that instead of being the leader fighting for victory, he ends up being only a mean to someone else’s grand plan for the ending:

Back to the point at hand, the other reason I don’t think that redemption and happiness are out of Kaneki’s reach, despite the massacre he’s currently committing, is because…

…the Clowns are the public of this play…

and they already told us at the end of TG (”the tragedy” before :Re kicked in) that Kaneki dying tragically didn’t make for the best ending either (”how lame~”).

Finally, I’d like to add that if Kaneki dies, then Touka’s own development will stagnate because her fatalistic side has grown to be probably too overwhelming for her to manage dealing with it on her own [x] [x] and thus, the only way for her to have hope again is if Kaneki is by her side as well. 

Readers tend to criticize Kaneki’s happiness for resting mainly upon Touka’s survival, but in my opinion the same goes for Touka, because they are a set (as said by Ishida sensei himself).

TL;DR I don’t think that Kaneki is going to die. Redemption is different but I believe that’s when the Ace Cards (Hide, Tsukiyama and Touka) will have their role to play.