i have my hyper moments

Sometimes we need to just take time to reflect.

God… there are so many things I’m looking forward to doing after top surgery.

It’s gonna be the re-awakening of my entire life. I was relatively happy for the first eleven years of my life… and then all of my spirit just went straight up dormant when I grew those fucking things. But soon I’ll be alive again.

This year, for the first time ever, top surgery is starting to cross over from “fantasy” territory onto “possible reality” grounds. My transition began at 18 and top surgery was as far off a dream as… being a legendary musician or artist. Now I’m three days shy of 22 and I’m for sure officially getting a top surgery letter from my Psychiatrist, and my first consultation with my prospective surgeon is on Monday.

Now when I have those horrible moments of being hyper aware of my chest and feeling like I’m a sick person being weighed down and kept behind by these tumors on my body I just don’t wallow in the misery, all I think about is how very close I am to being rid of them.

 It’s like… suddenly being more relaxed about bullshit at your unpleasant job because you’ve finally put in your two-weeks notice and you know you’re about to be free anyway so why even let it bother you? Heheh.

All I can think about is… running. I know I’ll have to heal first, but that’s the first thing I’m gonna do when I’m ready. Fucking run down the road at full speed without two painful weights giving me grief and just feel my freedom. Run, jump, and dance for a mile. Maybe more. Maybe I’ll run till I’m 40.