i have multiples of orlando because i was in love with him

Working Together

Finn Balor/Reader/Seth Rollins- The boys help reader build a table from IKEA and now she really wants to thank them for their help.
Warnings: a slight daddy kink like always, spanking.

@fioportella @ridingmoxley @alexispoo @alexahood21 @the-geekgoddes @vebner37 @ambrosegirlforever @kinkymaminicole @hardcorewwetrash (thought you guys might want to read this maybe?)

I love shopping for furniture but I hate putting it all together. I had gotten a table from IKEA and now its sitting on my dining room floor reminding me of how lazy I really am. I just moved to Orlando to be closer to everyone in the WWE and I really didn’t have time to put together a table. I groaned at the thought of me messing the table up but went ahead and started opening the box.

I ran into some problems immediately. First the table part itself is longer than me so I couldn’t even begin to work on that and second who owns a screwdriver anymore. After a few minutes I decided I was done and I was now laying on my dining room floor eating ice cream.

A knock on the door startled me, “COME IN ITS UNLOCKED.” I screamed hoping that the person on the other side heard me. I turned my head to see Finn smiling at me, “Hey.” I waved my spoon at him making him chuckle. I tilted my head more to see Seth standing behind him, “Hi sethie poo.” I giggle when I heard Seth mumble something about how stupid that nickname was.

“What are you doing?” Finn asked as he walked towards me. I didn’t bother moving from the floor even as Finn stepped over me to look at the pieces of the table.

I took a bite of ice-cream before I spoke, “I was building a table but I decided I didn’t want to do it anymore because the top is longer than I am.” I huffed into the ice-cream feeling a little bit of defeated.

“Well you could of ask me or him and we could of helped you.” Seth was pointing at Finn who was nodding his head in agreement. I looked up at the two of them and smiled.

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Soulmates - Part 2

Prompt: Part 1 here
Warnings: None
Words: 1800+

You race backstage, not taking any time to celebrate this historic moment in your career. You just wanted to find Seth, to know that everything was okay, that he was okay.

“Seth!” You screamed tears streaming down your face. You hadn’t realised you were crying until tears landed on your hands. “Where’s Seth?!”

“Hey y/n calm down. They took him to the hospital around the corner. Everything's fine” Roman said grabbing your shoulders to calm you down.

“Everything’s not fine Roman! It’s black and white!” 


“My vision! It’s black and white again!” you cried as Roman’s eyes went wide. He knew what that meant, so did you, you just didn’t want to believe it. 

“Come on let’s go” Roman said putting his arm around you escorting you to his car. The ride to the hospital was silent beside your heavy breathing. You managed to control your tears but every so often a tear would fall. You couldn’t help it. Roman had barely stopped the car before you jumped out and raced inside, Roman hot on your heels. Pushing doors open, running to the waiting room, dodging doctors, nurses and patients. As you ran into the waiting room, your eyes landed on Dean first. He was sitting with his head in his hands. Hunter was there too with Vince and Stephanie, who looked like she had been crying. 

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Dating Barry would include...

- you convincing him to run some errands for you with his speed by telling him each errand will earn a kiss

- you always cooking since he has to eat a lot of food

- I’m not even joking, he eats a ton of food

- a ton

- you worrying about him every single second and making him call you at least once every hour

- “Barry? Are you alright? Are you okay? Are you going to save the damn world again?”

- him texting you at the most random moments always with a lightning bolt emoji at the end

- both your phones are filled with pictures of each other or the other individual

- you hanging out at the west household once a week

- you and Iris bonding together by complaining about Barry

- “he’s always so freaking late to everything!” 

- you listening to joe talking about embarrassing baby Barry moments and you laugh so hard at some of the stories and photos

- “and this is Barry when he dressed up as batman for Halloween!” “OMG HES FREAKING ADORABLE”

- you laughing when Barry blushes and buries his head into your chest

- both of you watching sci-fi movies all the time

- he would just lie down with his head on your lap whilst you stroked through his hair, untangling the knots he made when he was running too fast

- both of you having so many inside jokes it annoys everyone when you both randomly start laughing

- you listening to his geek out sessions or when he starts to ramble about science even if you don’t understand

- but you listen since he’s so cute when he’s talking about something he’s passionate about

- him giving you piggyback rides all the time

- both of you practically living in two places since Barry’s room in the west household is filled with your stuff and your room in your apartment is filled with his stuff

- you falling asleep at night to Barry’s soft and peaceful voice when he reads a book out loud

- both of you always find yourselves entangled in each other when you wake up, the fronts of your bodies pressed together, his chin resting on the top of your head, both feeling the heartbeats of the other person and each of you thinking how you could’ve been so lucky to have this heart beating, all to you

- him giving you forehead kisses and you giving him jaw kisses

- you styling his hair every morning and trying to convince him to go to work in different crazy hairstyles

- “BUT when you’re at a crime scene, you could say you SMELL SOMETHING FISHY!! It’s brilliant!!” “nO”

- in the end, you just style his hair the same old boring way but keep so many photos of Barry with hilarious hairstyles

- you wearing his shirts when you’re both alone in your apartment and his shirts are so big they go to your knees, so it looks like you’re wearing a dress

- him loving it when you don’t wear makeup because he thinks you’re beautiful no matter what

- both of you going on spontaneous dates from time to time

- like once, he took you all the way to Orlando universal studios just so you could both ride roller coasters

- both of you going on coffee dates and end up drinking so much coffee, you both just scream at each other in enthusiasm for so long


- him trying to break up with you multiple times because he’s afraid he can’t keep you safe

- “I’m too dangerous… I’m going to get you killed one day…” “And I’m going to kill you if you keep thinking that way because you need to get it through your thick skull that I love you, no matter what.”

- both of you collapsing in each other’s arms after fighting, crying and apologising profusely

- him not wearing shirts to bed, even if it’s cold because it’s so worth it to see your blushing face

- both of you making out anywhere, anytime

- you listening to Barry when he talked about his parents, squeezing his hand from time to time or pecking his cheek comfortingly

- you loving to kiss Barry on his nose because that’s his ticklish spot

- him always being so slow, passionate, caring and cautious when you both kiss because he doesn’t think he deserves you

- him getting insanely jealous whenever he sees a guy looking, let alone flirting, with you. He’ll get super savage and just swoop in, wrapping his arm around you waist and pecking you on your cheek

- “hey dude, why don’t you just go flirt with someone else as pathetic as you?”

- and if the guy still continues to flirt with you or threatens Barry, he’ll get really mad, something very rare, and punch the guy right in the gut and use his super speed to punch the guy in the eye

- both of you using cheesy pick up lines on each other even though you’re both dating each other already

- “forget hydrogen, you’re my number one element” “oh my gosh barry”

- “are you google? Cos you’re everything I’m searching for” “thanks Y/N”

- both of you getting really flustered when you get caught making out

- you loving to look at Barry when he’s working or focusing on something because you just love how he scrunches up his face and sticks out his tongue

- you being the only one he is vulnerable around with

- basically, both of you loving each other to bits

anonymous asked:

Another woman tries to kiss ash at a bar

    Ashlyn was at one of her favorite bars in Orlando. Ali had stayed at home because she promised to facetime Kyle and those conversations were never short. Ali insisted that Ashlyn go without her and spend some time with her friends. It wasn’t very crowded which was perfect for Ashlyn. She was able to relax without having to worry about drunk fans clammering to her all night. She loved meeting her fans and taking pictures but a bar wasn’t always the best setting to do that.

    When Ashlyn and her friends decided that it was time to eat, they found a table on the edge of the bar and waited to order. Their waitress came over and took all of their order and refilled their drinks and she made sure to pay extra close attention to Ashlyn. Of course, Ashlyn didn’t notice but everyone else at the table did.

    Chris, Ashlyn’s brother, leaned over and said, “That waitress is all over you.”

    Ashlyn just shrugged and said, “Well, she’s barking up the wrong tree.”

    The waitress made her way back over the table a few minutes later and asked them if they needed anything else while they waited for their food. She was posing the question to the entire table, but she only looked at Ashlyn. Ashlyn politely declined and the waitress made her way back to the bar.

    It didn’t take long for everyone to finish their food. They all got up and went to dance for a little bit. The waitress from before made her way up to Ashlyn.

    “Hi, I’m Abby. Save me a dance? I’ll be off in a few minutes.”

    Ashlyn smiled. “Sorry, Abby. I actually just came here to hang with some friends. Maybe next time though.”

    Abby ran her hand up Ashlyn’s bicep. “Just one dance, sweetie. Then you can go back to your friends.”

    Ashlyn didn’t see anything wrong with just one dance. She knew that she was capable of keeping things friendly and respectable, but she questioned weather Abby had that same skill based on what Chris had told her.

    As they were dancing, Abby kept trying to work her way closer to Ashlyn and Ashlyn kept backing up. When she tried to wrap her arms around Ashlyn, Ashlyn gently grabbed her hands and moved them off of her. “Don’t tell me you aren’t into girls?” Abby asked after the third time that Ashlyn moved her hands away from her.

    “Oh, I am very much into girls.” Ashlyn said with a smirk and Abby took this as an invitation to move closer yet again. “Especially the girl I have waiting for me at home.”

    Abby chuckled and said, “Well, I’m sure your girl won’t miss you if you stay for another dance.”

    Chris was talking to some of the guys that came along with them when she noticed this girl hitting on Ashlyn. Chris knew that Ashlyn would never fool around on Ali but he couldn’t help but go into protective big brother mode when he saw that this girl wasnt leaving his baby sister alone. It wasn’t until Chris saw her lean in and place a kiss square on Ashlyn’s lips that he decided it was time to step in. Ashlyn immediately grabbed her shoulders and shoved her back.

    When Chris arrived, he stood in between Ashlyn and Abby. Ashlyn moved around him and said, “I said I’d stay for one dance and I meant it. What kind of person get’s a thrill from repeatedly making moves on a woman that already said she was taken? And more importantly, what kind of person doesn’t accept that and tries to kiss them anyway?” The rest of their group had made their way over when they saw the commotion. Chris could tell that Ashlyn was getting heated so he grabbed her arm and pulled her back, gently.

    “It’s time to go. Guys, we’ll see you later. I’m gonna call an Uber wait outside with Ashlyn.”

Ashlyn had gone from amd to terrified in a matter of seconds. She was pacing back and forth on the sidewalk behind the bar and Chris was just watching her and listening to her rant.

“Chris, what am I going to do? I kissed another girl. A girl that isnt Ali. But it wasn’t my fault. What if Ali  leaves me? What if she thinks that I cheated on her? I would never do that, Chris. I feel terrible. I ruined everything. I have to tell Ali but what if I break her heart? Chris! What if Ali cries? I can’t stand it if she cries and what if she cries and I’m the reason that she cries? This is such a mess. I can’t beli-”

“Ashlyn! Calm down!”

She stopped pacing and looked at Chris. “Just tell Ali what happened. She will understand. You didn’t kiss that girl back and you told her multiple times that you only wanted one dance as friends. You made it clear that you weren’t interested. This is her fault, not yours.”

“Thanks, Chris.”

Ashlyn’s Uber arrived and she gave the driver her address.

When Ashlyn walked inside, she saw Ali cuddled up on the couch, watching a movie on Netflix. “Hey, Ash! How was the bar? How is Chris doing?”

Before Ashlyn could respond, she broke down and started crying.

Ali flew off the couch and wrapped her arms around Ashlyn. “I didn’t kiss her, I swear.” Ashlyn spoke through her sobs.

“Ash, please calm down.” Ali rubbed her back and held her tight until her crying had slowed.

Ashlyn spoke again. “I promise, Ali. I told her I was taken and that I only was staying with her for one dance but she kissed me and I pushed her off and Chris came over and I told her that I meant it when I said I was coming home to someone and she wouldn’t take no for an answer and she kept trying to get closer to me and everytime I ived her hands she tried to wrap her arms around me again but I didn’t do anything I promise. I would never do that to you, I love you more than anythi-”

Ashlyn’s rant was cut off by Ali’s lips on hers.

When they finally broke apart, Ali said, “Ashlyn, I believe you. I know you would never kiss another girl.”

“So you’re not mad?” Ashlyn asked in a timid voice.

Ali wrapped her arms around Ashlyn’s waist and pulled her closer. “Don’t get me wrong. I am furious that that girl kissed you and I am even more mad that she kept touching you without your permission. That is never ok. As long as you are ok, I am fine. I trust you, baby and I know that none of this was your fault. I am glad that Chris was there to watch out for you too.”

Ashlyn hugged Ali impossible closer. “Thank you, Al. I am so sorry.”

“Stop apologizing, Ash. You did nothing wrong.”

Ali pulled Ashlyn over to the couch and they curled up underneath the blanket together. All of the guilt that Ashlyn felt had disappeared after she talked to Ali. For the rest of the movie, Ali absentmindedly ran her fingers through Ashlyn’s hair but her mind was on the girl from the bar. The number one item on Ali’s to do list was to head to that bar tomorrow when Ashlyn was at her GK meeting and make sure that Abby knew that Ashlyn was off limits. If Ali had it her way, Abby wouldn’t have a job when she was finished with her. Ashlyn Harris belonged to her and only her. Ali didn’t care if the entire world knew. If that’s what it took to make sure that other women kept their hands off of Her Girl, then that is what she would do.


Make me choose: Malcobbs asked: Drew Baylor or Danny Archer?

ALRIGHT @overleafs listen up:

1) Yes, I know Lin is problematic sometimes, but with all the LGBTQ+ stuff he is doing he is trying to help. I know he can’t exactly speak on behalf of the LGBTQ+ community, but he is being an ally and helping so why are you complaining?

2) If you’re referring to his speech at the Tonys, it could be directed at someone LGBTQ+ OR it could be directed at anybody/the whole world. Everyone in the world needs to know that love is love and that hate gets us nowhere. That doesn’t just mean gay people getting married, that could be anybody wanting to get married or love and they aren’t allowed to. If his speech didn’t convince you enough, how about the fact that he decided to take out the muskets from that performance and change the words (from “weapon in my hand” to “weapon with my hand”) out of respect to the Orlando shooting?

3) If you think he isn’t allowed to even talk about or support the LGBTQ+ community when they have issues, then what about everyone else at the Tonys that night who wasn’t LGBTQ+ wearing a ribbon to support the community? Are they all of a sudden “not qualified” to share love and support when something tragic had just happened?

4) About his song “Love Makes The World Go Round,” first of all, that wasn’t even his song to begin with, it was JLo’s song. Lin just wrote the rap for it AFTER JLo had approached and asked him to. Secondly, part or all of the money people spend buying that song will be donated to a charity or multiple charities that are helping the victims of the Orlando shooting.

5) I honestly don’t understand why people are complaining when he is HELPING and SUPPORTING us. He’s not just “doing it for the press.” He actually cares about LGBTQ+ people. There are multiple cast members in Hamilton who are LGBTQ+ and he is very good friends with him and I know that doesn’t give him like an excuse or whatever to be an ally, but he doesn’t need an excuse because even if he didn’t have LGBTQ+ people in the cast, he would still be an ally. He is such a kind man who always puts others first and I don’t know why you think that just because he’s not a flaming homosexual ™ that he can’t support and help the LGBTQ+ community.

rogueziam  asked:

Hey! I saw your post with gifs that lead you to believe in larry & ziam. I'm wondering the specific reasons you started believing that you said we could ask about (: x

I’m so sorry this took so long!  I finally did it though XD  Be warned, there are no links or specifics.  If you want dates and receipts, there are other masterposts that are great for that.

These are the things that convinced me to start with and will continue convincing me in the future if I at any time start doubting Larry and Ziam are real.

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my testimony: on the strange subject of return (mature subjects discussed in this post)

It’s taken five months to admit to myself that I’ve gotten into bed with a stranger.

My stranger often changes names. Sometimes, my stranger occupies my phone-book with monikers like “Tinder Ben” and “Tinder Aaron” and “DO NOT PICK UP Brian”. 

My stranger often changes identities. Sometimes, my stranger stares back at me in the mirror with the faint familiarity of who I used to be. How I used to be. How I used to live. 

And so I oscillate between strange things, welcoming strange new men into my bed with every ‘swipe right’ and giving strange new habits the key to my dwelling-place.  

It’s all been figurative, mostly. I haven’t really broken my purity vows, mostly. 

In the beginning of the semester, my first stranger slipped in to my suite unannounced. He introduced himself as ‘Lost Opportunity’ and he smelled of stale cigarettes, overly-fermented Kombucha, and, well, sex

Shocked, I backed away from the tall, musty stranger, unsure of where he had come from or why he had found his way to my bedroom. 

He cleared his throat, as if ready to recite a passage from any human history as old as time itself. 

“What about the what if?”, he started. 

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This is a picture of Tilikum, a 32 year old, 12,000 lb orca at SeaWorld. He is also one of the orcas featured in the recent documentary Blackfish. I just watched it and it really spoke to me. Not many people know this, but when I was younger I wanted to be a marine biologist. I wanted to study at Memorial University in Newfoundland and in time I planned to study orcas and dolphins in the wild. Did you know that there has not been a single human fatality from orcas in the wild ever recorded? This raises the question, why have there been so many attacks and deaths from orcas in captivity? Tilikum was stolen from the his mothers side off the east coast of Iceland in 1983. He was 2 years old. Can you imagine spending 2 years with your mother day and night, never leaving her side, and suddenly being ripped away from her to be thrown in a 20 foot cage all by yourself? Never mind the trauma that his mother must’ve suffered as well. When they caught Tilikum they found 3 dead orcas in the net as well. They were told to gut these poor creatures, fill them with rocks, and attach weights to their tails to ensure that they sunk. When Tilikum arrived at Sealand of the Pacific, his first captive home, he was bullied by two of the older orcas constantly. As part of his training for the shows he was paired with older orcas and he would copy what they did. However, if he failed to do so he and the other orca would be deprived of food. It’s an odd thing, you would think that the older orca shouldn’t have been punished because Tilikum didn’t imitate him properly. Eventually, the other orca would get frustrated with him and rake him with their teeth. There were times when he would be covered head to toe in these rake marks. After a tragedy at Sealand where he and two other orcas pulled a young woman into the water and drowned her, he was transferred to SeaWorld Orlando, where he wasn’t supposed to be doing shows. The trainers there fell in love with him, and soon enough he was doing shows again. Since then he has killed two other people, one of which was his trainer Dawn Bransheau. This was a particularly sad one for a couple of reasons. One was that you could see the genuine love that Dawn had for this animal. When you look at pictures and videos, she seems so genuinely happy to be working with these amazing creatures. I truly believe that she loved Tilikum, and that makes what happened even harder. The other thing that makes it so much worse is that SeaWorld had the audacity to say that the attack was Dawn’s fault because she had a long ponytail and she must have been handling Tilikum’s fish and touched the ponytail so he got confused. Multiple witnesses have corroborated that he pulled her in by her wrist, he didn’t touch her ponytail until she was in the water. If you look at pictures you can see her doing many other shows with this same ponytail. Many people believe that Tilikum’s actions, towards her and others, was a result of a psychosis brought on by his poor living conditions. One of the things said in the documentary that really stuck with me was “If you were in a bathtub for 25 years, don’t you think you’d get a little psychotic?” I know I would. One result of this documentary is that people are now petitioning to get Tilikum released back into the wild. While I believe this is a noble cause, I also know that unfortunately it would probably kill him because he hasn’t been in the wild for 30 years. He couldn’t survive on his own. I do believe that something has to be done though. The only reason that he’s even still there is because he’s essentially their sperm bank. So far he’s sired 21 calves, 11 of which are still alive. As far as I’m aware, he’s even still performing. Now, since this animal has attacked on multiple occasions, wouldn’t it make sense to not only stop him from performing, but also stop him from fathering any more children?

Thoughts on Tauriel (spoilers ahead)

So you know how Tauriel is not even in the books and she is just a spawn of Peter Jackson?

You notice she is the reasons why:

-Kili falls for an “Elf

.If she wasn’t in the movie, this wouldn’t have happened.
Kili falls for her, in result he devotes his life to a love that in everyone else’s eyes is “weird”

-Legolas defies his father

.Legolas is fond of the She-elf. In DoS, Thranduil notices it. Her love for Kili drives her out of the kingdom, DISOBEYING and going against Thranduil’s commands, which causes Legolas to go after her. Why? Because he has a thing for her. In which, he too, disobeys Thranduils command. (Although, in a deleted scene, Thranduil allows Legolas to go after her in a time span of two days.)

-Legolas doesn’t go back to his father and his homeland.

And also, causes him to defy his father multiple times.

.So, in Dos, Legolas goes after her, has orders to bring her back, but because of Tauriel twisting his mind into defying his own father, doesn’t do just that, but instead follows Tauriel after the Orcs who are after Kili and the rest of clan

. And, in Botfa, Thranduil sends for his son to return to Mirkwood, in which he almost goes back, but learns Thranduil has banishes her. So he doesn’t go back because he is fond of her and if there is “no place for Tauriel, then there is no place for me”

. And in Botfa, Tauriel threatens the elven king Thranduil, and faces an arrow to his face, and when Thranduil puts a sword to her, Legolas puts a sword to his father, threatening him that “if you want to harm her, you’ll have to go through me” attitude.

So, now let me ask you this?
If this made up character by Peter Jackson was not in the movies:

-wouldn’t it be much different?

-wouldn’t we have a different Legolas? Maybe one that respects his father a little more?

-would we have gotten a little more father/son moments if this character didnt get in the way?

-wouldn’t the movies relate to the books more?

-would Kili be different? Would his death seem more unpredictable?

-would the fans be more happy and get what they really wanted from the characters in which they first loved, that came from the book?

-would the entire Hobbit movie franchises be more satisfying?

I’m not saying I hate her, I just hate what the character did and how much the movies turned out to be different from the book.

Peter Jackson did an amazing job with all six movies, but I wonder how it would’ve been if this “Tauriel” didn’t exist. To be honest, I think Battle of the five armies would’ve been better. This “character” only should have been created to do only a cameo in these movies, not take over it as if she was a character that J.R.R Tolkien wrote in his books. Peter Jackson’s legacy will mostly be remembered on Tauriel’s behalf. Then, the amazing job he did with the movies.

I wonder what J.R.R Tolkien would say about this…


Experiences at my sales call job and I’ve only been here two weeks
  • talking to a man who says he can’t use phones or computers, because the magnetic fields around them are dangerous to him, and could kill him, so he has to avoid all electronics, and this is definitely a real illness, his doctor told him, you can call his doctor if you want to confirm (I never challenged him on it, but he still let me know this anyway, I also didn’t ask him how he was talking to me on a phone if this was the case), also we had to be careful what we were saying, because the government is listening
  • A guy who, for work reasons, I’ve had to call multiple times who’s always like “oh hey baby hey California girl, yeah I gots time for u baby girl, you can call me any time” and I always have to be like COOL SO. YOU WANNA GIVE ME MONEY. OR WHAT. 

  • the man I call from Louisiana who found out I was calling from Los Angeles and was like “All the way from Hollywood? Wow this signal is really strong! That’s a long telephone line! I can hear you so well! That’s amazing!” and was just so amazed by the existence of phones and I thought oh my god Skype would blow this dude’s fucking mind

  • ALSO CUTE MAN FROM LOUISIANA about my calling from Los Angeles, “Am I going to be on TV?” 

Okay so part of our script that we have to read involves asking the person on the line if they’ve heard of Netflix. We state at the beginning who we’re calling from. We are not Netflix. We just need to know if the person on the line even knows what Netflix is because if they don’t then we can’t sell them our thing. And you would be surprised how many people don’t know what Netflix is. But that’s not the point.

  1. The point is I ask this guy with a thick Southern accent during a call if he’s heard of Netflix and he says, “Is this Netflix? I have been trying to get ahold of you!!! I used to love your service!” and then he starts shouting, “It used to have good shows and movies on it! But now its all just GARBAGE! I want to cancel and I can’t figure out how! You’re from Netflix! Tell me how to get rid of Netflix!”

    “Sir, I’m not from Netflix. This isn’t Netflix.”

    “Then why did you say you were?”

    “I didn’t. I asked if you’d heard of Netflix.”

    “Well now you’re just playing word games. You fancy Californian. Why would you do that? Why would you trick me-?”

    “I- didn’t… I was calling-”

    “Why would you trick a Texan? Why did you do that? What Californian would think its safe to trick a Texan?”

    “I wasn’t trying to trick you.”

    “Don’t trick a Texan! I’m from Texas! Fuck You!”
  • the gross Islamaphobe Homophobe today who derailed about how the liberal media and Muslims (while Trump’s not his favourite “at least Trump will deport all the Muslims”) are responsible for the Orlando shooting and every other mass shooting and we’re supposed to pretend to agree with whatever the person on the other line says to a point and try to steer them towards the product but after seven minutes I was seeing red and was just like OH NO LOOKIT THAT I JUST ~LOST~ THE CONNECTION BY ABSOLUTELY HANGING UP ON YOU WOW I HOPE YOUR FLESH MELTS SLOWLY OFF YOUR BODY AND YOU FEEL PAIN FOR THE REST OF TIME BYE

  • The woman who answered and I asked for her husband, because he was the guy in our database (this happens a lot, and a lot of street smart wives screen our calls before their more recklessly spending husbands can get them), but instead of it going like it normally does, where the wife just says something about not appreciating solicitation and whatever, this time after the wife asked who was calling and I said “Jessica from [company]” she was like “Howard, that motherfucking whore. Another one. Are you another one of his girls?” and I was like “UM, NO I WAS JUST CALLING-” and she was like “I don’t want to hear any of your excuses, trying to make it look like business. You never call here again.” and she sounded pissed. HOWARD, WHEREVER YOU ARE, I AM SORRY. 

and my favourite

  • when I call at first I can’t get an answer, and I hear a guy with a thick Minnesota accent saying “No, leave the body ‘til the team comes! No don’t touch the body” and finally I’m like “Hello? Hello?” and thick Minnesota accent goes “Who is this?” and I’m like “Jessica from [company]. Is Bill there?” and Minnesota goes “Bill is DEAD. This is a MURDER CASE. I’m the SHERIFF and you just CALLED THE CRIME SCENE.  That makes you a MURDER SUSPECT.” and I was like, “Ah, really? He’s dead?”, “YES. HE’S DEAD. What did you say your name was again? We’re going to need to take you in for questioning.” And I’m like completely sure this was a guy sick of telemarketers pulling my leg and at this point I was laughing too hard so I just mumbled something about having a nice day and hung up and had to pause calls for three minutes until I could stop laughing to move on.

Aaron Sagers chatted with Evanna Lynch, Rupert Grint, Matthew Lewis and Katie Leung at A Celebration of Harry Potter in Universal Orlando last weekend. In a new Huffington Post interview, the Harry Potter cast talked about the future of their characters and if they would like to join another huge franchise.

If J.K. asked you where you’d like your character to be off to, what would you say? Swing for the fences, or go as crazy as you’d like with what you’d be doing in that universe.

Grint: [laughs] I would expect Ron has probably divorced Hermione already. I don’t think that relationship would have done very well. […] He’s living on his own, in a little one-bedroom apartment. He hasn’t got a job.

[…] Leung: I reckon Cho would probably have become a really successful entrepreneur, and really cold and ruthless […]

Matt, are you going to keep this dark?

Lewis: Oh god. Neville works at the school, right? So he’s a professor, just enjoying that. Maybe he’s trying to get Ron a job, man. And he keeps throwing it back in his face, like, “I don’t need your help, Neville; Jesus, just leave it.” And I’m like, “Come on, it’s fine, we’ll sort it out, just trying to get you back into the fold.” Yeah, him and Hermione don’t see eye to eye because I’ve taken Ron’s side in the relationship, obviously. They’ve got everyone split off, friends wise. I don’t know who you guys chose? Did you choose Hermione?

On joining another franchise:

This was very much your childhood, and your job growing up. If you had the opportunity now to enter another franchise that would consume multiple years - like Lord of the Rings or Star Wars - would you be reluctant to join that production?

Lewis: Hey, if Star Wars come knocking on the door tomorrow, I’m not going to go, “Um no, guys, I’m sorry, I don’t want to do four films, it’s fine.” No, of course not. I’d think about it, and I love Star Wars, etc. But there would definitely be a bit of trepidation in joining a big franchise again for that amount of time. Just simply because I’m really enjoying the diversity of the roles I’ve been given recently. Playing a character is great, but I love the process of finding someone, finding a character, creating and drawing it up. And trying to figure out what makes that person tick. When you do something for however many years, it can start to become - I don’t want to say mundane because it was never boring on the films. But you kind of lose that spark a little bit you get in that first day of school, or on a new job. It is exciting. And I’ve gotten that so often in the last couple years, I’d be reluctant to give that up.

Leung: I kind of agree with Matt. If it goes on for any longer than a certain period of time, you do get really comfortable and feel very safe. Having done all the projects after Potter, it has been a few weeks, a few months for a project. You do really get to know a character, and it is wonderful knowing that, once you stop filming or being on stage and being that character, it essentially dies. So I quite like that. Of course, it depends who the character is you’re going to be playing. But yeah, if it’s Star Wars …

Lewis: Star Wars is welcomed.

Read the full interview here.


So as you folks know, me and my fiancee adopted two kittens from the dumpster behind the hotel I work at. They’re still very young and loving, but unfortunately, due to financial reasons - we cannot keep both. Jack is a very excited and happy black and white cat who loves to cuddle and play, but doesn’t do well in our apartment because we are not home often. Mimi, our tiger stripe kitten, is more relaxed and doesnt mind being home all day while we’re at work! But we just need to find Jack a home where he can be his best self - I don’t want to punish him for being him.

Jack is actually a she, but the name just stuck. She’s a female white and black kitten, maybe just over a month old now. She’s not a picky eater but she does like to have toys to nibble on - we’d be happy to hand her over with some cans of food and her toys, since Mimi is fine with lounging with me and Lucy while we’re home.

We’re looking to find a safe home for her. She does play well with other cats, after she’s introduced! She could be friendly with dogs as long as it’s a controlled environment - she’s never met one before.

We need to find her a new home quickly though and I would hate to leave her at a shelter - she’s so sweet and loving and playful and good for kids. I would like her to go to a home with multiple cats or at least one other - she’s very social, but as long as you give her love and attention you should be good to go!

I currently live in Daytona Beach and would be ABSOLUTELY WILLING to give her to you even if you live in Orlando or St. Augustine. I’ll drive three hours to make sure she’s got a good home. Jack is fine with just water, she doesn’t need much. We’ve been feeding her Purina Kitten Chow, which they both like just fine, with a can of wet food every now and again as a treat - which I’d be happy to let you have, too. Mimi likes solid foods so she won’t mind a scarce can from now on :)

I’ll be posting pictures of my sweetie soon. I’d love to hear from you, I have a day off soon and I’d love to find Jack a good home.

Please reply or email me at xtechnophile@gmail.com! Thank you so much. I’d hate for her to be back out on the street.

The Reinvention of Taylor Swift

So my brother comes home the other day,” Taylor Swift says, “and he goes, ‘Oh, my God – I just saw a guy walking down the street with a cat on his head.’”

As an ardent fan of ready-made metaphors, as well as of cats, Swift was excited by this. “My first reaction was, ‘Did you take a picture?’” she says. “And then I thought about it. Half of my brain was going, ‘We should be able to take a picture if we want to. That guy is asking for it – he’s got a cat on his head!’ But the other half was going, ‘What if he just wants to walk around with a cat on his head, and not have his picture taken all day?’”

For Swift – four-time multiplatinum-album-maker, seven-time Grammy winner and billion-time gossip-blog subject – being famous is a lot like walking around with a cat on your head. “I can have issues with it,” she says. “But at the end of the day, I can’t be ungrateful, because I chose this. But sometimes – sometimes – you don’t want to have a camera pointed at you. Sometimes it would be nice if someone just said, ‘Hey, I think it’s really cool that you have that cat on your head. I think that’s interesting.’”

It’s 1300 hours in the San Fernando Valley, and Project Sparrow is in full effect. In a nondescript parking lot at a soundstage in Van Nuys, California, a Blackwater-esque platoon of personal-security professionals stands at the ready. Every doorway and stairwell is guarded, and every window is blacked out. The occasion: a Taylor Swift video shoot.

In 2014, a Swift shoot requires the kind of operational secrecy and logistical complexity rarely seen outside of a SEAL raid. Before Project Sparrow – the code name chosen by the video’s director, Mark Romanek – there was Project Cardinal, a multiweek mission where Swift’s social-media team scoured the Web for a representative group of fans to appear in the video. When one girl posted a photo of her invitation, she was quickly uninvited, then presumably renditioned to whatever CIA black site holds Swift’s enemies. (Jack Antonoff, of Bleachers and fun., who has recently co-written several songs with Swift, says that “just having her songs on my hard drive makes me feel like I have Russian secrets or something. It’s terrifying.”)

At the moment, Swift is in a makeup chair in her dressing room, getting false eyelashes applied. She’s wearing a black miniskirt, black tights and a fuzzy pink top with a cartoon drawing of a cat, and her wavy blond hair is pinned back tight. She’s five feet 10, but she looks much taller, even with her lanky legs wrapped underneath her like a pretzel twist. “I need lunch like, whoa,” Swift says, and an assistant tells her there’s a sushi order happening. “Oooh,” she purrs. “Get a boatload.”

The video is for Swift’s soon-to-be-Number One single, “Shake It Off,” which she’ll perform for the first time at the VMAs later this summer, but which at this point only a handful of people outside the room even know exists. There are worries about spies and recording devices. “Don’t even get me started on wiretaps,” Swift says seriously. “It’s not a good thing for me to talk about socially. I freak out.” As for who might bug a Van Nuys production office on the off chance that Swift is inside: “The janitor,” she says, as if naming one candidate among hundreds. “The janitor who’s being paid by TMZ. This is gonna sound like I’m a crazy person – but we don’t even know. I have to stop myself from thinking about how many aspects of technology I don’t understand.”

Swift pauses, as if weighing just how paranoid she’s comfortable with sounding. Then she plows ahead. “Like speakers,” she says. “Speakers put sound out … so can’t they take sound in? Or” – she holds up her cellphone – “they can turn this on, right? I’m just saying. We don’t even know.”

Swift says she never feels completely safe, especially when it comes to her privacy. “There’s someone whose entire job it is to figure out things that I don’t want the world to see,” she says. “They look at your career, they look at what you prioritize, and they try to figure out what would be the most revealing or hurtful. Like, I don’t take my clothes off in pictures or anything – I’m very private about that. So it scares me how valuable it would be to get a video of me changing. It’s sad to have to look for cameras in dressing rooms and bathrooms. I don’t walk around naked with my windows open, because there’s a value on that.”

And yet, despite the DEFCON-3 level of security, in a lot of ways Swift has never felt more free. She has a new album out in October, 1989, that she’s insanely excited about, because it signals her transition from a country star who likes pop to a straight-up pop star. She recently bought a luxe apartment in New York. And despite what you may have read in the gossip press, Swift hasn’t been involved with a man in quite some time. She’s not dating. She’s not canoodling. She’s not even sexting. Taylor Swift is single and loving it.

“I really like my life right now,” she says. “I have friends around me all the time. I’ve started painting more. I’ve been working out a lot. I’ve started to really take pride in being strong. I love the album I made. I love that I moved to New York. So in terms of being happy, I’ve never been closer to that.” Which is not necessarily the same as being happy.

There’s one way into Swift’s new apartment building, and much of the time it’s guarded by a former NYPD officer named Jimmy, who unlocks the door for residents and visitors alike. This may be a drag for neighbors like Steven Soderbergh and Orlando Bloom, who have dropped seven figures to live at one of Tribeca’s toniest addresses, but it’s an unavoidable fact of life when the 24-year-old on the top floor is one of the biggest pop stars on the planet. “Most of the neighbors know what’s what by now,” Jimmy says, locking the door behind him. Today is a good day for Jimmy, because the elevator is working again after a brief period of being broken. “It’s six floors up,” he says, frowning. “And we don’t travel light, if you know what I mean.” I tell him I think I do know what he means, and Jimmy laughs. “The shoes alone!”

Up in the penthouse, a barefoot Swift answers the door in a periwinkle-blue sundress: “Welcome to my apartment!” In the kitchen there’s an assortment of pastries from a hip downtown spot called the Smile (“They have these banana-quinoa muffins that I’m obsessed with”), and in the refrigerator are a surprising number of varieties of sparkling water. (“I have black cherry, pomegranate, blueberry, strawberry, key lime, tangerine lime …”)

Swift shuts the fridge. “Do you want a tour?” She breezes into the living room, pointing out the fish tank filled with vintage baseballs (“I was like, ‘That’s so cool, they’re so old!’”) and some enormous scented candles (“I was like, ‘That’s so cool, they’re so big!’”). “There’s my piano,” she says. “Here’s my pool table that always has cat hair on it. That’s my skylight.” She bumps into a doorway. “That’s a door that I walk into.”

Swift bought this apartment about six months ago, for a reported $15 million. (Swift also bought the unit across the hall, for about $5 million; she uses it to house her security team.) It took a lot of work just to see it: It belonged to the director Peter Jackson, who had an actor friend crashing here, so the brokers didn’t want to bother him much. “Sir Ian McKellen,” Swift says seriously. “I think once you’re Gandalf, you can always just stay in Peter Jackson’s house.”

Swift leads the way into one of her four guest bedrooms. “This is where Karlie usually stays,” she says – meaning supermodel Karlie Kloss, one of her new BFFs, whom she met nine months ago at the Victoria’s Secret fashion show. There’s a basket of Kloss’s favorite Whole Foods treats next to the bed, and multiple photos of her on the walls. Against another wall, there’s a rack full of white nightgowns. “This is a thing me and Lena have,” says Swift – meaning Lena Dunham, another recent friend. “We wear them during the day and look like pioneer women, fresh off the Oregon Trail.”

Swift met Dunham in 2012, after she watched Girls and became obsessed. She went on Twitter to follow Dunham, and coincidentally saw that Dunham had just tweeted admiringly about Swift. “I was really scared she was being ironic, but I decided to follow her anyway, just in case. Within five minutes I had a direct message from her. Let me see if I still have it.” She spends a minute scrolling through her phone. “I still have it! She said, ‘I am so excited about the prospect of being friends with you that I added the adjective best in front of it.’ ‘The idea that you like my show is so thrilling, and I can’t wait to lavish you with praise in person.’”

As a recent New York transplant in her mid-twenties, Swift says Girls is like her Sex and the City. “I could label all my girlfriends as Shoshannas, Jessas, Marnies or Hannahs,” she says. And which would she be? “I’ve thought about this a lot,” she says. A pause. “I’m Shoshanna.”

She seems resigned to this. “Shoshanna gets excited about things, she’s really girly. And when she was in a relationship that was very comfortable, she made the decision to get out and go experience new things on her own. And now she’s becoming more sure of herself and taking life head-on, in a way that I can relate to. Even though I’ve never accidentally smoked crack at a warehouse party and run pantsless through Brooklyn.” (Dunham, meanwhile, thinks Swift is more like “Hannah, minus the horrid sexual behavior. Or Marnie, if she wasn’t an asshole.”)

Swift leads the way upstairs to her bedroom. Asleep on her massive four-poster bed is a tiny white ball of fur. “Olivia!” Swift says, scooping her up. It’s her two-month old kitten, named after Olivia Benson, from Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. “Hear how loud she’s purring? She’s a stage-five clinger, for sure.” Downstairs somewhere is her other cat, Meredith, named after Meredith Grey from Grey’s Anatomy. “Strong, complex, independent women,” Swift says. “That’s the theme.”

She steps onto her patio and climbs the staircase up to the roof deck. “Careful,” she says. “It’s construction central.” A forest of skyscrapers surrounds her; the Freedom Tower looks close enough to touch. Swift gestures to a set of planters: “Those are hydrangeas, and over there are the roses and basil and rosemary.” Heading back downstairs, she passes an antique lamp with the inscription CALADIUM SEGUINUM on it. Swift took Latin in high school, but says she isn’t sure what it means. (Later, I look it up. It turns out it’s a homeopathic remedy for male impotence.)

For years, Swift was terrified to move to New York. “I was intimidated by it for so long,” she says. But now that she’s here, she loves it. She can walk down the street to get dinner, or go furniture shopping with friends in Brooklyn. Even the paparazzi are better, she says. “They don’t provoke me, or ask weird questions. And a lot of them are long-lensing it – which, if you have to have paparazzi in your life, is such a better way.” She likes it so much she’s trying to recruit friends to move here – like her buddy Selena Gomez. “Project Selena,” Swift says. “I think I can do it.”

Back in the living room, Swift settles into the couch with a muffin and starts talking about her Fourth of July. She invited a bunch of friends up to Rhode Island, where she has a house in a fancy community called Watch Hill. It was raining, and the day looked like a bust, until her friend Jaime King’s husband came up with the idea to buy eight Slip ‘N Slides and lay them end to end like some unholy Slip ‘N Slide centipede. Even with the rain, the slides still weren’t slippery enough, so they got a bunch of olive oil and poured it all over themselves. (“There was a dangerous level of slipperiness,” Swift says.) Later they all went to the beach, which is normally full of Swift-gawkers (“Hotel fees have doubled in the year we’ve been there,” Swift says), but was empty that day because of the rain. That night they cooked a huge feast, with Swift assigning everyone jobs (“You make salad dressing! You chop apples for apple pie!”), and afterward they played Celebrity, the game where everyone puts a bunch of famous names in a hat and takes turns drawing one and trying to make their team guess. The game got a little heated, because one team had a lot more famous people on it, which gave them what some guests thought was an unfair advantage. (Swift: “It was like, ‘You dated him! 2010!’”) But in the end, everyone was appeased, and the game went on as planned. And did Swift’s team win? She smiles. “Of course we won.”

Swift bought the Rhode Island house in April 2013, for a reported $17 million. The old summer estate of a Standard Oil heiress, it boasts water views in every room and a seagull Swift named George Washington that swims in her pool. Swift calls it her “dream house,” but it’s also been the source of some of her first truly negative press. The trouble started when she redid her sea wall, which she says hadn’t been updated since the house was built in 1929. She hired a team of engineers, who spent all winter rebuilding it; she thought she was doing something nice, until some locals got angry and accused her of ruining the beach. (TMZ: “Taylor Swift Neighbors Pissed: You’re Screwing With Our Coastline!!”)

It wasn’t long before the Rhode Island Coastal Resources Management Council stepped in to say that Swift hadn’t done anything wrong. Still, for Swift, the wall became sort of a metaphor for haters in general. “There will always be people who grumble about things,” she says. “But when they saw what it looked like when it was finished – it looked so much nicer! The other wall had all this graffiti on it – it looked old, and not in a good way. But it was a problem, so I fixed it. Nothing has changed about anyone’s beach experience, except that now my house won’t fall on them. So, you know. Sorry not sorry.”

The only way to hear 1989 in full is to borrow Swift’s iPhone, which is white and silver and covered in kitten stickers. There are 13 songs in all, plus a handful of bonus tracks, filed under the unbreakable code name “Sailor Twips.” (She will only play them over headphones, because of wiretaps.) There are also hundreds of voice memos containing sketches of chords and melodies, which is how most of her songs start out. Antonoff (who also happens to be Dunham’s boyfriend) says that for one song they wrote together, he sent Swift a track “and literally 30 minutes later she sent me back a voice note that sounded exactly like the record.”

As the title suggests, 1989 was influenced by some of Swift’s favorite Eighties pop acts, including Phil Collins, Annie Lennox and “Like a Prayer”-era Madonna. (Given that 1989 is also the year Swift was born, she necessarily got into them later, usually via VH1’s Pop-Up Video.) The album was executive-produced by Swift and Max Martin, with whom she first collaborated on her 2012 single “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together.” Officially, it’s not even finished yet: Somewhere in Sweden, Martin is tinkering until the very last minute to ensure the drum sounds are as up-to-date as possible.

Swift’s last album, 2012’s Red, straddled the line between country and pop. “But at a certain point,” she says, “if you chase two rabbits, you lose them both.” So this time, she set out to do full-on “blatant pop music.” A casual fan won’t notice much difference, but to Swift and her brand, it’s a big step. She says she won’t be going to country-awards shows or promoting the album on country radio. When she first turned in the record, she says the head of her label, Scott Borchetta, told her, “This is extraordinary – it’s the best album you’ve ever done. Can you just give me three country songs?”

“Love you, mean it,” is how Swift characterizes her response. “But this is how it’s going to be.”

The other big change on 1989 is that for the first time in years, there are no diss tracks dishing about Swift’s exes. A few of the songs are about her relationships and love life, but they’re mostly wistful and nostalgic, not finger-pointy or score-settling. “Different phases of your life have different levels of deep, traumatizing heartbreak,” Swift says. “And in this period of my life, my heart was not irreparably broken. So it’s not as boy-centric of an album, because my life hasn’t been boycentric.” In fact, she suggests, she hasn’t dated at all since breaking up with One Direction singer Harry Styles more than a year and a half ago. “Like, have not gone on a date,” she says. “People are going to feel sorry for me when you write that. But it’s true.”

Swift says dating is hard for her. For one thing, there’s the logistics. “Seventy percent of the time, when a guy asks me out, it’ll just be a random e-mail,” she says. Some movie star will get her address from his publicist and e-mail her cold. Usually she politely rebuffs them – but even if someone did penetrate that line of defense, building a relationship is hard.

“I feel like watching my dating life has become a bit of a national pastime,” Swift says. “And I’m just not comfortable providing that kind of entertainment anymore. I don’t like seeing slide shows of guys I’ve apparently dated. I don’t like giving comedians the opportunity to make jokes about me at awards shows. I don’t like it when headlines read ‘Careful, Bro, She’ll Write a Song About You,’ because it trivializes my work. And most of all, I don’t like how all these factors add up to build the pressure so high in a new relationship that it gets snuffed out before it even has a chance to start. And so,” she says, “I just don’t date.”

(That goes for hooking up as well. “I just think it’s pointless if you’re not in love,” Swift says. “And I don’t have the energy to be in love right now. So, no.”)

Truth be told, Swift sounds a tiny bit jaded – which, for a “self-professed hopeless romantic,” maybe isn’t the worst thing to be. “It’s not like I’ve sworn off love,” she says. “My life is just not conducive to bringing other people into it right now. I’m very childlike and romantic about lots of things, but I’m realistic about this.”

Swift pauses, searching for a metaphor that will help her explain herself. “Have you heard of the Loneliest Whale? There’s this whale – I think Adrian Grenier is making a documentary about it. It swims through the ocean, and it has a call unlike any other whale’s. So it doesn’t have anyone to swim with. And everybody feels so sorry for this whale – but what if this whale is having a great time? Because it’s not bad that I’m not hopelessly in love with someone. It’s not a tragedy, and it’s not me giving up and being a spinster. Although I did get another cat.” She laughs. “I asked around: I was like, ‘Does two cats count as cats?’ But then I thought, what imaginary guy’s perspective am I thinking about this from? Someone is going to think I’m undateable for a lot of reasons before they think I’m undateable because I have two cats.”

Since she’s been single, Swift has been acquiring girlfriends with the fervor she once devoted to landing guys. (For instance: Two years ago she told Vogue she wanted to be friends with Kloss; now they’re going to the gym together and taking road trips to Big Sur.) Swift says this is another byproduct of being single. “When your number-one priority is getting a boyfriend, you’re more inclined to see a beautiful girl and think, ‘Oh, she’s gonna get that hot guy I wish I was dating,’” she says. “But when you’re not boyfriend-shopping, you’re able to step back and see other girls who are killing it and think, ‘God, I want to be around her.’” As an example, she cites her pal Lorde, whom she calls Ella. “It’s like this blazing bonfire,” Swift says. “You can either be afraid of it because it’s so powerful and strong, or you can go stand near it, because it’s fun and it makes you brighter.”

Earlier in her career, Swift deflected questions about feminism because she didn’t want to alienate male fans. But these days, she’s proud to identify herself as a feminist. To her, all feminism means is wanting women to have the same opportunities as men. “I don’t see how you could oppose that.” Dunham says Swift has always been a feminist whether she called herself one or not: “She runs her own company, she’s creating music that connects to other women instead of creating a sexual persona for the male gaze, and no one is in control of her. If that’s not feminism, what is?”

Swift’s focus on sisterhood cuts both ways, because when another woman crosses her, she’s equally fierce about hitting back. The angriest song on 1989 is called “Bad Blood,” and it’s about another female artist Swift declines to name. “For years, I was never sure if we were friends or not,” she says. “She would come up to me at awards shows and say something and walk away, and I would think, ‘Are we friends, or did she just give me the harshest insult of my life?’” Then last year, the other star crossed a line. “She did something so horrible,” Swift says. “I was like, ‘Oh, we’re just straight-up enemies.’ And it wasn’t even about a guy! It had to do with business. She basically tried to sabotage an entire arena tour. She tried to hire a bunch of people out from under me. And I’m surprisingly non-confrontational – you would not believe how much I hate conflict. So now I have to avoid her. It’s awkward, and I don’t like it.”

(Pressed, Swift admits there might have been a personal element to the conflict. “But I don’t think there would be any personal problem if she weren’t competitive,” she says.)

As is often the case, Swift dealt with her emotions by writing about them. “Sometimes the lines in a song are lines you wish you could text-message somebody in real life,” she says. “I would just be constantly writing all these zingers – like, ‘Burn. That would really get her.’ And I know people are going to obsess over who it’s about, because they think they have all my relationships mapped out. But there’s a reason there are not any overt call-outs in that song. My intent was not to create some gossip-fest. I wanted people to apply it to a situation where they felt betrayed in their own lives.”

Swift prides herself on never explicitly saying whom her songs are about, and she’s not going to start with this one. Yes, she sprinkles clues in her liner notes and makes winking references onstage, but she tries to keep them obscure enough to maintain some modicum of mystery (or at least plausible deniability). She’s so disciplined on this front that she won’t even say any of her ex-boyfriends’ names out loud – so when she does slip up, even in the most innocent way possible, it’s highly entertaining.

Swift is still talking about “Bad Blood” when she starts to explain why she wants everyone to know it’s about a female. “I know people will make it this big girl-fight thing,” she says. “But I just want people to know it’s not about a guy. You don’t want to shade someone you used to date and make it seem like you hate him, when that’s not the case. And I knew people would immediately be going in one direction—” As she suddenly realizes that she just accidentally referenced her ex-boyfriend’s band, Swift goes white. She buries her face in her hands. “Why?!” she howls, cracking up. It’s a classic Taylor Swift Surprised Face, only for real this time.

Swift won’t say much about her relationship with Styles, other than that they’re now friends. But talking to her, it seems clear that many of the songs on 1989 that are about a guy are about him. There’s “I Wish You Would,” about an ex who bought a house two blocks from hers (whom she implies was Styles). And “All You Had to Do Was Stay,” about a guy who was never willing to commit (ditto). Then there’s the song that sets a new high-water mark for Swiftian faux secrecy – a sexy Miami Vice-sounding throwback about a guy with slicked-back hair and a white T-shirt and a girl in a tight little skirt that is called – no joke – “Style.” (She allows herself a satisfied grin. “We should have just called it ‘I’m Not Even Sorry.’”)

Of all the songs on the album that seem to be about Styles, the most intriguing one is “Out of the Woods.” Co-written by Antonoff, it’s a frantic tale of a relationship where, Swift says, “every day was a struggle. Forget making plans for life – we were just trying to make it to next week.” The most interesting part comes when Swift sings, “Remember when you hit the brakes too soon/Twenty stitches in a hospital room.” She says it was inspired by a snowmobile ride with an ex who lost control and wrecked it so badly that she saw her life flash before her eyes. Both of them had to go to the ER, although Swift wasn’t hurt. She corrects herself: “Not as hurt.”

For a couple whose every move was so thoroughly documented, it’s kind of shocking to think that something as newsworthy as a trip to the emergency room wouldn’t have wound up on the Internet. “You know what I’ve found works even better than an NDA?” says Swift. “Looking someone in the eye and saying, ‘Please don’t tell anyone about this.’” Even so, it’s impressive: The most top-secret hospital visit would necessarily involve three or four witnesses – and none of them talked?

Swift says that’s sort of her point. “People think they know the whole narrative of my life,” she says. “I think maybe that line is there to remind people that there are really big things they don’t know about.”

I didn’t know what kind of coffee you wanted, so I brought options.”

Two weeks later, Swift is in the back seat of an SUV idling next to Central Park, with a tray of four iced coffees balanced on her lap. Outside wait a dozen paparazzi and several dozen fans. The plan is to take a nice walk in the park – and maybe, though this is unspoken, to get a glimpse of the attention she faces daily.

Swift takes her bodyguard’s hand and steps out of the car. She’s dressed in the decidedly un-park-friendly outfit of a tweed skirt and crop top, pink suede Louboutin pumps, and a yellow Dolce & Gabbana bag. She navigates the muddy trail impressively in her heels, the crowd behind her swelling every few feet. In front of her, two bodyguards clear a path. Behind her, another bodyguard carries a bag of scones.

Swift turns down a dead-end path where the paparazzi can’t follow and takes a seat in a gazebo on the shores of the lake. On the wooden posts are carved hundreds of initials, the stories of couples who came before – the kind of thing that might appear in a Taylor Swift song. Excitedly, Swift points at the lake: “Turtles! And ducks!” She looks at the ground. “Oh. And a used condom.”

Swift says that the only time she could come to the park and have it be normal would be in the middle of the night (“which is dangerous”) or at four in the morning (“which is early”). She hasn’t driven alone in five years, and she can’t leave her home without being swarmed by fans. (“When a sweet little 12-year-old says to their mom, ‘Taylor lives an hour from here …’ – more times than not, they’ll make the trip.”) Although she doesn’t like to draw attention to it, she says there is a contingent of fans that think her songs contain hidden messages to them. “Think about it,” she says. “Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone? Take that, add ‘crazytown’ to it, and it sounds like an invitation for kidnapping.”

We’ve been talking for a while when a boat rows up carrying three teenagers – two girls and a guy. “Oh, my God!” says one of the girls. “Today is my birthday! Can I please take a picture with you?” Swift laughs. “You can, but I don’t know how you’re going to. You’re on a boat, buddy!”

“I’ll get off!” the girl says. “I’ll find a way.” Swift and her bodyguard reach out and help her into the pavilion. “You’re going to make me cry!” she says.

“Is it really your birthday?” Swift asks.

“How old are you?”

“Seventeen,” the girl says.

“Oh, that’s a good year.”

“I know. I’m excited.”

The girl says she lives on Long Island. She and her friends took the train in for the day. “That’s cute,” Swift says. “Are you going to dinner somewhere?”

The girl scrunches up her face. “We were going to … Chipotle?”

Swift smiles. She goes to her purse and pulls out a wad of cash – $90, to be exact. “Here,” she says. “Go somewhere nice.”

“Oh, my God,” the girl says. “Thank you!” She climbs back in the boat, and she and her friends paddle off.

Pretty soon it’s time to go. One of Swift’s bodyguards, Jeff, a former Marine Corps anti-terrorism specialist, comes over to brief her. “OK, we’ve got a six-minute walk to the exit. Twitter is going like wildfire, so some of the more obsessive fans …” He trails off. “We’re just gonna close the gap on you and keep them back.”

Swift gives her bangs one last check in her phone’s camera, then she looks out at the lake. “I wish we had a boat.”

She stands up to go. Immediately we’re surrounded by a crush of paparazzi and fans. Even the hot-dog vendors are snapping pictures. As Swift winds her way through the park, the crowd grows larger and more aggressive; it’s a little scary. “OK, everybody, we need some room, please!” Jeff says. “Step back. Give her space!”

But Swift is unfazed. “You want to know a trick to immediately go from feeling victimized to feeling awesome?” she says. She pulls out her phone and hands me the earbuds: “This is my go-to.” She presses play, and Kendrick Lamar’s “Backseat Freestyle” fills the speakers. As Swift bobs her head, Lamar raps:

All my life I want money and power
Respect my mind or die from lead shower
I pray my dick get big as the Eiffel Tower
So I can fuck the world for 72 hours
Goddamn, I feel amazing
Damn, I’m in the Matrix …

Swift smiles wide. “I know every word.”


*SPOILER FREE* My Personal Review Of The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies

I was finally able to watch BOTFA last night as it was released for the American market. This time around, I opted to go all in and go to the Midnight showing at our local theater. I returned home at 3 AM and was so emotionally drained, basically numb that I couldn’t put any words to what I had seen… Until now.

I plan to go again and watch it in HFR, as the theater was only offering IMAX 3D/3D for the midnight shows but the 3D format I saw was spectacular. I want to start off by saying the film was visually spectacular and needless to say my jaw dropped a few times. 

  • I have no shame in echoing everyone when they say that this was Richard Armitage’s film and by God, does he show it here. I was already a huge fan of Richard’s but BOTFA gave him room to play, more so than any of the other films in the trilogy. Richard completely dominated the film, providing the majority of the film stealing scenes. I am so thankful that Peter, Fran, and Philippa cast Richard as Thorin, so thankful of the choices they made for his character. I am so proud to be a Richard Armitage fan right now and can’t wait to see more from him throughout his career. Richard deserves an Oscar for his role in BOTFA (and it’s a pity he won’t even be nominated) but I am hopeful that he scores an EMPIRE Awards nomination and wins because he deserves it.
  • If Thorin was the soul of the film then Bilbo was the heart. Martin Freeman has been consistently fabulous as Bilbo and in BOTFA he takes it to a whole new level. He played Bilbo’s internal struggle beautifully and his scenes with Richard were so emotional to behold. Martin and Richard have become so comfortable with the way the other works and it translated onto the big screen with such elegance. You could tell there was a real trust between the two actors because they were really able to go there and be vulnerable with each other in pivotal scenes. Even as the film gets darker and grittier, Martin stays true to Bilbo’s character as we are still able to recognize the Hobbit that left his cozy home but we constantly see that indeed, his is no longer the same. I can’t gush enough about Richard and Martin, truly. They nailed their roles.
  • Our main company of Dwarves didn't have much to do in this film, unfortunately. Besides Fili, Kili, Balin, and Dwalin, the others were mostly relegated to group shots. I hope this changes when the Extended Edition is released. Balin and Dwalin were definitely one of the highlights in the film for me. Of course, the brilliant Ken Stott has had multiple fantastic scenes throughout this Trilogy and that remains in BOTFA, but Graham McTavish was finally able to deliver on some hard hitting, emotional scenes with Richard. We get to see a whole new side to Dwalin and get to explore the friendship between Thorin and Dwalin a little deeper. I absolutely loved the scenes between Thorin, Balin, and Dwalin.
  • Yes, most of Aidan Turner’s work in this film is relegated to his romance with Evangeline Lilly’s Tauriel. I know people will be disappointed by this. The two manage to pull off some sweet scenes but the love triangle feels rather forced in this film. I think another aspect of BOTFA that will upset people is how little of Fili we get in this film. There are moments with Fili, but you have to squint! That said, I believe that even thought Kili has had the lion’s share of screen time in the Trilogy, I believe that Fili had the greater character arc of the two siblings. Again, you won’t appreciate it right away but when you think about it a little more, you will definitely see it. Aidan and Dean, overall, were great in BOTFA and it was great to see them interact with Thorin a little more.
  • Luke Evans’ Bard shines brighter in the first hour or so of the film. His  first few scenes are magnificent and it was really fun to see his character become such a natural leader to the people of Lake Town. John Bell, Peggy Nesbitt, and Mary Nesbitt were great and they were convincing in the roles they were required to play. 
  • Ryan Gage & Stephen Fry are relegated to the comedic characters of this film (not that it’s a bad thing, because they were funny but I was simply crying too much to actually laugh along!) but that’s fine because they don’t really distract from the main plot of the film.
  • We get to see more of Lee Pace as Thranduil in this film and peel back a few more layers of his character. His fight sequences are stunning and the scenes he shares with Ian McKellen and Luke Evans are a joy to watch. I think that people will be quite pleased with the way Lee has portrayed Thranduil.
  • Ian McKellen, Hugo Weaving, Cate Blanchett and Christopher Lee can finally say goodbye to their respective characters and I applaud all of them for doing such a brilliant job. They are so consistent and they truly embody the characters they are tasked to play, they pull you in and immerse you in Middle-earth. I was really emotional during this film but the scenes featuring the White Council had me conspicuously fist pump in the theater. These veterans, simply put, tear it up!
  • The “villains” in this film were amazing, terrifying, awe inspiring. Manu Bennett as Azog & Benedict Cumberbatch as Smaug/Necromancer were electrifying to watch. I particularly enjoyed Manu Bennett, who really took over as head villain. I’ve always been a fan of Manu’s portrayal of Azog and it was so cool for me to see him get some more material to work with. His fight sequences throughout the film are stellar and the final standoff between Thorin and Azog will have you on the edge of your seat. Blog was great, he takes part in some of the most hard hitting (literally!) fight sequences in the film.
  • In my opinion, it felt as if Orlando Bloom & Evangeline Lilly were in BOTFA a little less than they were in DOS. I have to say I was rather happy about that as the two are not really crucial to the story and were just placed because of Peter Jackson’s love for Elves. What scenes they do have are just fine, they don’t distract from the main plot too much, they serve their purpose. Again, people might be disappointed about the love triangle.

Overall I was very happy with BOTFA, it is definitely a fantastic film which featured something for everyone. Yes, there were changes made from the book but I thought, everything considered, the changes worked well for Peter Jackson’s adaptation. I feel as though overall, the heart of the films remained true and the scenes people really wanted to see between a certain Hobbit and a Dwarf King were all there, so overall, people should be pleased. Just go into the theater, take a deep breath, and just enjoy the film in front on you. 

I can’t believe all the movies are finished and we are literally at the end of the road. I feel so blessed to have these movies and these books in my life. I feel forever indebted to Peter Jackson and his wonderful cast and crew for  creating something that is so important to my life. I feel really proud of the body of work that Peter Jackson has created and I know that I’ll be reliving all 6 films over and over again for many years to come.

Most of all, I am so happy that I got to pass on my passion for this world to my own sibling who was only 6 years old when she watched the Lord of the Rings Trilogy and now at 18 years old, finished The Hobbit Trilogy with me. My favorite part of these films were answering all her questions and explaining all the happenings of Middle-earth to her as she discovered more about the world.

I couldn’t even begin to thank Peter Jackson & Company enough.

Well, that’s my review! I obviously can’t too into plot details as I wish to be considerate towards my fellow Hobbit fans. However, my Ask box is open for discussion. Feel free to stop by if you want to talk about the film with me! Or find me on Twitter @LOTRHobbitBlog. Thanks so much for reading, I appreciate it! How was the film for you?

anonymous asked:

just want this is be put out there for the people who think Li was happy in Universal, well u should see the fan pics, he dint even smile. He never does that. everyone knows that liam and niall always love to meet the fans most. and this wsnt even any private place where he might have felt that people are stalking him or something, it was one of the world's biggest amusement park for heaven's sake. he knew he'll meet loads of fans there. but ppl dont wanna see the obvious. smh

Hi Anon,

Thanks for your message and you’re spot on.

Though Liam doesn’t always smile broadly or even fully smile in fan pics, he generally doesn’t look as tired and muted in the latest round of the pics.  

His eyes always give him away.   Take the pic fail before Vienna.

Liam’s one of those types of people where you can tell pretty damn easily when a smile is fake or not.  That right there is fake, its horrific they made him do it really.

This right here is a real smile. 

People have slept on Liam in multiple ways for so many years. It feels like you’re banging your head against a brick wall sometimes.  And the ones who sleep on his brilliance, his intelligence and all his other qualities are generally, though by no means exclusively, those who obsess over Harry and Louis and yet its Louis that said these things with of course an extra ‘warm’ never mind Zayn’s contribution because let’s face he’s invisible too unless they’re making slurs against him.

If they can’t see or believe in what Louis thinks this man is, then frankly I give up.  Its their loss.  Others have said this way more articulately than I, but if you can’t see that the Liam we’ve seen in Cannes and now Orlando, is a  shadow of the man we usually see be it in the company of Louis, Niall and Harry or of course Zayn, Andy, Paddy and when he’s with his family and other friends then maybe you’ll never open your eyes to it.  I mean compare these 2 pics from Orlando.

And its not just these pics, I could compare multiple pics and yet people, who may be gullible at best or wilfully ignorant at worst, will still sleep on it and claim that its real in some way.  God help them if its real. I wouldn’t wish that type of reality on my worst enemy.  And yet for years people lamented how sad Louis was, how wilfully unarsed he was and yet nothing I ever saw was on as obvious a level of the done-ness that Liam has been displaying for months.   I support Louis and Harry wholeheartedly incidentally.  I just despair when people don’t apply logic fairly or reasonably.

But Liam has been obviously done for months.  One more from Bangkok, not even including the infamous club pic.

And I’ve said this before, Liam was at Queens for the tennis, we saw not one HQ from that day.  We saw tv pics where he arrived after Geoff and Karen and Sophia, deliberately? I think so.  We saw literally 1 fan pic. You’re not telling me that Modest wouldn’t have seen that as a classic photo opportunity particularly post the unmitigated sophiam photo ops fail that was Monaco.  I would be amazed if that wasn’t the case.

I guess the time has to come when you completely give up on convincing people and it is their right of course to make decisions of their own; when some will never be convinced because either they’re wrapped up in a Larry bubble and blind to all that’s around them or they just want to stick with the narrative because somehow ‘shipping’ Ziam is loads of fun because ‘look at them, they’re cute’ but believing in the sham that is Sophiam is where its at no matter the cost to those involved, and the thought Ziam could be real is beyond the pale. 

And where do you even start with that?