i have like 9 to go

WAIT I’m not done being sad about Chester Bennington. As absolutely cringy it is to say, Linkin Park’s music got me through some real dark stuff. And I’m not talking about “edgy emo teenage” stuff, I’m talking about having depression as a 7 year old. I’m talking about living out of a truck at age 8 and hearing Behind Blue Eyes on the radio and crying and you’re too young to really know why. I’m taking about being 9 years old and never seeing your dad because he has to work 12s to keep food on the table so you sit alone in your room with Meteora on a loop. Their music was like a vent of sorts when I had no one else to go to. My peers didn’t know my struggles, I was scared to be open about it with adults. Music, and their music as well, was like a hand out from the darkness that was like “hey it’s okay, you’re not the only one”

Okay now I’m done.

Why do people do this

Like, half the people who work at this plant seem absolutely astounded by the idea of getting a full night of sleep. 

Like if they say “You look tired,” and I reply with “I only got about 6 hours of sleep last night.” I can almost guarantee that the response will be “Oh. That’s about what I get every night. How much do you need?”

“9 hours is ideal.”

“9? 9? HOW CAN YOU SLEEP THAT MUCH I WOULD NEVER GET ANYTHING DONE I HAVE NOT SLEPT 9 HOURS SINCE I GOT BLACKOUT DRUNK AT 22.”

Like, cool? But. 

Guess what, Steve, people are different and need different amounts of sleep, and I need more to function than you. 

And then they keep going. 

Sometimes I only get four, I don’t know how you could sleep that much, I haven’t taken a nap in 28 years….”

God shut the fuck up I don’t give a single shit how chronically sleep deprived you are and quite frankly your pride in it is kind of worrying SHUT THE FUCKING FUCK UP

[Translation] Bazaar 2017.08 NCT 127 Interview: Haechan

Named as the “prankster” “Happy-go-lucky” member in the team, but is exceptionally toned down today.
I’m kind of shy (laughs). I like to joke around and do aegyo, maybe that’s why the hyungs who take really good care of me like to call me that

Role in NCT 127 is the youngest member, but members in NCT DREAM are of the same age group, the atmosphere is different.
If I say 127 is consisted of 9 different people with different personalities, DREAM is like a group of young reckless friends gathered together. (laughs) If I have to compare by sense of humor, the hyungs are more interesting. 

What’s the funniest moment that happened during this promotion period?
We have a move in “Cherry Bomb” where we have to slowly spread our legs, there’s always an incident whereby someone’s pants would rip… During the shooting of our MV, Mark-hyung suddenly stopped dancing because his pants ripped. As his pants ripped we had to stop filming until his pants were sewed back (laughs)

Heard that everyone practiced very long for the synchronized group dance “Cherry Bomb”
One of the reasons we took a long time was because the choreography was changed many times. The dance itself is indeed difficult, but everyone has high target goal so each time we discover something lacking we practice more, thus extending the time taken for practice.

Keep reading

1994 Interview All About Garak & Andrew Robinson

I’ve seen this great interview posted a bunch of times online, but it’s alway seems to be as graphic scans, which I have a hard time reading, so when I actually got my hands on DS9 magazine Vol. 9, 1994, I was psyched. I could read it AND I could scan it! So here it is, with all the text, plus photos. I’ll be posting the photos all separately afterward, including a few that don’t fit. Enjoy!

I love Garak and Andy so much. Also, I love that this interview is all after Season 2 (and I believe before Season 3 aired), so you have Robinson saying things like “I wished I’d get to do more plots with Rene and Avery!” and “It’s going to really interesting when Garak’s secrets come out!” He he. It’s really zero surprise he wound up writing a book. Or that the book would be well written – he uses great words in the interview, just popping in stuff like “apotheosis.” 

-Wendy 

According to his former superior in the Obsidian Order, Garak has a “rare talent for obfuscation.” The same, fortunately, cannot be said of the man who plays him, Andrew Robinson. Given the chance, he willingly expounds upon the delights of playing this charming, yet devious, Cardassian. 

“This role has been quite surprising and wonderful,” Robinson says. “The way the character is progressing is a delight for me. When I auditioned and got the part, I had no idea that it was going to be a recurring character. They’ve been writing really interesting things for Garak; each time that he appears, there’s something more to play." 

What first attracted him to the role was "the mystery about the character. At the same time, there was also this wonderfully refined and urbane intelligence about Garak. Not only did he have a secret, but his secrets were very deep and potentially very interesting. I don’t know where it’s going from here, but I look forward to the day — if the day ever does come – when the truth about Garak emerges. I have a feeling that the secrets he has are going to be a great deal of fun to play." 

Because he didn’t receive any back ground from the Star Trek: Deep Space Nine writers or producers, "I just created my own, so I had something to work from,” says Robinson. “I went for the approach of something that was reptilian, someone with cold blood, who would have that same deliberate, measured style. In terms of mystery, I played ‘I’ve got a secret.’ The writers and producers have been taking what I’m doing and building from that, as well as whatever they have in mind for Garak, which really is the best. Very few shows do this.
Very few.”

Not surprisingly, Robinson’s least favorite aspect of this role is enduring the makeup. “That’s the worst part of it. Garak is a three-and-a-half hour makeup job. Sometimes I’ll have a 2 or 3 a.m. call! There are seven prosthetic appliances that they put on, including the neck. It teaches you a lot of patience,” he admits. “Once I’m in it – and these are long days I put in on the set, 14 to 16-hour days sometimes — I just have to 'Zen’ out. Otherwise, if I start getting cranky, then I’m done; I can’t act or do anything. I really have to move into an almost beatific state. I have lost weight, though; that’s one good thing!” he adds, laughing, before relating a more serious makeup-related tale.

“When the earthquake hit in January, it was 4:30 a.m. in Los Angeles, and I was already in the makeup chair, along with Armin Shimerman [Quark] and a couple other actors. It was pretty bizarre: this earthquake hits, all the power goes out, and all these aliens in varying stages of makeup are milling about in the darkness! People like Armin and Ed Wiley, who was playing this Cardassian, couldn’t get through on the phone to their families, so they just jumped into their cars – Armin in his Quark makeup and Ed with his Cardassian makeup on – and drove through the pre-dawn streets of Los Angeles. I can only imagine what the other motorists saw – I think that would be more bracing than a cup of coffee!”

Keep reading

24 hour write-a-thon final update

there’s still like, an hour and fifteen minutes left in the day, but i am absolutely 100% wiped. so i’m gonna do this and then go listen to taz for a little bit 

this was like…really hard. i went through phases where i wrote a ton in a short period of time and others where it took me half an hour to write 500 words. but in the end, i met my goal and i’m really proud of how much i accomplished today, even if i have a hell of a lot of editing ahead of me

i now have a writing commission completed, as well as 9/21 chapters of prince of cats written and ready to be edited! a shoutout to the lovely @chasejackson for deciding to host this event <3 and thank you to everyone who supported me today!


word count goal: 10,000 words
word count at beginning:

  • be there in five: 1,516
  • prince of cats chapter 5: 3,046

word count at end:

  • be there in five: 4,474
  • proc ch5: 3,642
  • proc ch6: 1,900
  • proc ch7: 1,934
  • proc ch8: 1,538
  • proc ch9: 1,520

total word count: 10,446/10,000

ᴄᴏғғᴇᴇ

Genre: Fluff
Info: Coffee Shop!AU, Taehyung/Reader
Rating: PG
Word Ct: 9.440
Summary: You’ve been going to the same coffee shop for the past few weeks, if only to catch a glimpse of the cute barista.
A/N: Repost of my first tumblr fic, I decided to combine it all into one because having it all separate like that was just stupid, enjoy! 

Where someone gets their morning coffee, it says a lot about them. For instance, there’s a coffee shop on campus for people who want their morning fix quick but might not care about the quality of the brew. Then there’s this little café downtown that will take at least half an hour for your order, yet they have the best croissants around for miles. And that one little spot you get your coffee from every morning, what does that say about you?

It says that you have the biggest crush on the barista that works there.

Keep reading

30 Questions Tag!

I was tagged by @death-witch-envy

Rules: Answer thirty questions, then tag twenty blogs you would like to know better. yeah right 20 is outrageous I’ll tag as many as I want

1. Nicknames
on here i have tons like space mom, astrid, comet, space bunny mom, etc. lol

2. Gender
female (she/her)

3. Star sign
capricorn

4. Height
4′11″

5. Time
4:05pm

6. Birthday
january 8th

7. Favorite bands
a perfect circle, tool, mastodon, between the buried and me

8. Favorite solo artists
meh

9. Song stuck in my head
way down we go - kaleo

10. Last movie watched
hm idk i think it was keanu

11. Last show watched
seinfeld

12. When did I create my blog
december 2015

13. What do I post
witchcraft, bunnies, sailor moon, skyrim, cute stuff

14. Last thing I googled
idk

15. Do you have other blogs
yep

16. Do you get asks
yep

17. Why did you choose your url
bc i am a cosmic witch lol

18. Following
836

19. Followers
20,223

20. Favorite colors
teal and lavender

21. Average hours of sleep
6ish

22. Lucky number
23

23. Instruments
hah

24. What am I wearing
black scrubs

25. How many blankets I sleep with
2

26. Dream job
idk something in nursing that doesn’t involve direct patient care

27. Dream trip
europe

28. Favorite food
steak

29. Nationality
american

30. Favorite song now
idk

i tag whoever wants to do this

current time: 9:20 pm
current word count: 10,446/10,000

goal met!!!!!!!!!!!

my brain literally feels like it’s melted out of my ears. i’m going to have to edit a lot of what i wrote today, but prince of cats is written up through chapter nine. while i’m tempted to try and write chapter ten tonight, i’m gonna take a long break to draw a bunch.

i’ll be posting word count breakdowns before midnight (in case for some wild reason i go back to writing), but thank you all for your support today <3

On her way back to work, she stops at the art store. She shells out on a new set of watercolors and some paper and a brush set. She hesitates at the copic markers before getting a single green that reminds her of springtime and nothing else.

As she exits the store, a black cat rubs against her legs. Marinette looks down and the cat looks up at her, meowing.

She sighs and reaches down to scratch behind its ears. “I have to get to work.” That cat headbutts her hand. “So I can only be here for a minute.”

22 followers Raffle!

Before anyone says anything, 22 followers is a lot for a small blog like mine! So let’s do a raffle! 

1st place! (1 winner) A full body picture with any position example of a full body:

2nd place (2 winners): A head shot of your ocs in any position and expression. A Example:

3rd place: (3 winners): a simple Picture of your Oc with Faith and Doctor Love. Example:

RULES!!
You must follow this blog @ask-your-fate or else you wont count. Trust me i’ll know XD.
No Nsfw
Must be a MLP Oc
Likes and reblog so count
Multi reblog does count.
Must have a ref sheet of Oc.
 I am going to 6 pieces of art so please wait.

Raffle ends in 9/23/18

anonymous asked:

Hi I was just wondering how you draw your characters bodies because they look so amazing 😍

bigger version here!!

i .. still hav a ways to go in terms of making my ocs a bit more varied in terms of body types (+ like all of em are 5′9 at LEAST.. the tallest on here, nic, is 6′3–) but i at least like to think im better at varying facial features _(:3」∠)_ ,,!!

also i have a lot of ocs so i just stuck the “main” ones here >:”0 !! but if you’re curious about a specific oc’s body type i cn doodle smthn ..!!

The Red King, Bartleby, for slumberland au. this is probably the only design i’m going to post for slumberland au since i still like it alot (heart themes are my jam)

IIRC, since he represented hearts and he’s a cat king in canon, he had 9 lives or 9 different forms when you challenged him for a boss fight. Every fight was tougher than the last, getting more and more monstrous until the final 9th fight, where he would just be a tiny cat. he would be defeated in 1 hit by that point while cursing Alice in embarrassment

bonus:

Tagged by the lovely @loveofromance. Thank you!

Rules: We’re snooping on your playlist. Set your entire music library on shuffle and report the first 10 songs that pop up. Then choose 10 victims.

1. “Never Alone” by BarlowGirl

2. “Find My Way Back” by Michelle Branch

3. “Glory” by Jaci Velsquez (Okay I have to pause and listen to this XD)

4. “Every Day/A Heart Full of Love: Reprise” from the Les Mis 10th Anniversary Concert

5. “Fort Battle” from the “The Last of the Mohicans” soundtrack

6. “The Draw” by Bastille

7. “Rite of Spring” (from the “Fantasia” soundtrack)

8. “Please Don’t Go” by Brass Bed

9. “Mickey Mouse Club Book Song” from the Legacy Collection “Pinocchio” soundtrack

10. “Love Come (Piano Version)” by Sarah McLachlan

Tagging, should you like to do this: @jammeke, @dreamlikemusings, @lunasink, @austennerdita2533, @a-mi-zivi, @mystical-flute, @seeknot2alterme, @jumperswellies, @bookwormchocaholic, and @puddytatt.

I was tagged by @ts-virgil-angst to do this, and I’m honored.

You may learn something surprising heh.

(No order)
1) Bad Guy from Ultimate Storytime
2) Dreams from Ultimate Storytime
3) I’m Just Your Problem (Marshall Lee Ver) by Ashe
4) S.E.X. by Nickleback
5) Daddy by P.S.Y.
6) No Daddy by Teairra Mari
7) The Last Night by Skillet
8) House of Memories by Panic! at the Disco
9) Second Chance by Shinedown
10) Puppeteer by Max

Do I even have 10 people I can tag?
I’m going to tag some of the people that show up in my activity a lot who either like and reblog a lot, follow, or both.
@mylasagnaisraw @magical-octopus @taki-random @kissmylilywhitefreckledass @geekiestnerdtrash @ask-francis-kinloch @condescending-writer @scarletsaphire @n3wtmas @the-golden-trash-can-tm

You obviously don’t have to if you don’t want to, but this was fun! …I have 3 pure songs and the rest… hmm. Haha!

So a while ago I said I was going to comment on each chapter of a 70+k word fic because what are life choices, right. And if you know me then you know just what ‘comment’ actually means for me and so 9 hours later I am actually done.

But ok it’s not that it’s that the writer REPLIED TO ALL OF MY COMMENTS ASDJDF;;GFG

EVEN THOUGH I SAID THEY DIDN’T HAVE TO because my comments are fucking long essays of loud screaming and incomprehensible keyboard smashings. But at least I got to tell them how awesome they are?

And now i don’t know what to do about my inbox that has 13 messages from my favorite fanfic author o(-(

Rules: Answer these 85 statements and tag 20 people.

I was tagged by @arrow-dactyl THANK YOU

The last
1. drink:  Powerade
2. phone call: One of the salesmen at my job
3. text message: RJ
4. song you listened to: Hunger Strike
5. time you cried: It’s actually been a while… I go long periods without having emotions and then all of a sudden BOOM tears and/or yelling lol
6. dated someone twice: Yeah in like 2012. It was actually comforting to go back to something familiar, and the reason we weren’t together had been out of our hands… but we did end up separating again so I guess it wasn’t mean to be.
7. kissed someone and regretted it: Never
8. been cheated on: 2008, 2010, 2011, 2013
9. lost someone special: 2011
10. been depressed: I have never been diagnosed so I guess never 
11. gotten drunk and thrown up: A few times lol. Most recently though, like 2015.

3 favourite colours
12. Blue
13. Black
14. Purple I guess

In the last year have you
15. made new friends: Yes 
16. fallen out of love: No
17. laughed until you cried: Yes
18. found out someone was talking about you: Yes
19. met someone who changed you: Yes
20. found out who your friends are: YES
21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: Not in the last year, no.

GENERAL:
22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: Probably like 800 of them…
23. do you have any pets: Yes. Two Dogs, Lucchese and Sasha - Sasha has 7 puppies who we have given tentative names: Graycie, Bandi, Bearbear, Dot… and the others I call Walker, Texas, and Ranger lol, Three Horses: Happy, Toby, and Bootlegger’s Hot Rod.
24. do you want to change your name: If I could I would
25. what did you do for your last birthday: I think I went and got a free starbucks drink but that’s it.
26. what time did you wake up: 6:30
27. what were you doing at midnight last night: Watching Netflix and trying to go to sleep
28. name something you can’t wait for: I’m not really too stoked about anything happening in the future.
29. when was the last time you saw your mom: On Wednesday
31. what are you listening to right now: My Tinnitus lol
32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: Yeah I know one or two 
33. something that is getting on your nerves: Not really.
34. most visited website: Probably Tumblr.
35. hair colour: Light Brown
36. long or short hair: Very Long
37. do you have a crush on someone: Not irl
38. what do you like about yourself: I work hard and I’m punctual
39. piercings: Just ears.
40. blood type: O+
41. nickname: CJ on here, my dad calls me “Bug”, and the rest of my family calls me by my first and last name.
42. relationship status: In a Relationship
43. zodiac: Capricorn
44. pronouns: She/Her
45. favourite tv show: Sons of Anarchy or The Walking Dead…. Depends on my mood.
46. tattoos: 2
47. right or left handed: Left Handed
48. surgery: Yes on my Jaw
50. sport: Football (American), Basketball, Golf
51. vacation: I don’t really go many places tbh
52. pair of trainers: Like shoes? Reeboks.
53. eating: Nothing.
54. drinking: Powerade
55. I’m about to: Work some more…
56. waiting for: The weekend
57. want: A fucking raise.
58. get married: Eventually
59. career: Sales Manager

WHICH IS BETTER:
60. hugs or kisses: It depends on what kind of kisses we’re talking about lol. But overall I guess Hugs.
61. lips or eyes: Eyes
62. shorter or taller: Taller
63. older or younger: Older
64. nice arms or nice stomach: Nice Arms
65. hookup or relationship: Relationship
66. troublemaker or hesitant: Trouble Maker

HAVE YOU EVER:
67. kissed a stranger: Yes
68. drank hard liquor: Yes
69. lost glasses/contact lenses: Yes
70. turned someone down: Yes
71. sex on the first date: Yes
73. had your heart broken: Yes
74. been arrested: Sort of…. 
75. cried when someone died: Yes
76. fallen for a friend: Yes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
77. yourself: Yes
78. miracles: Yes
79. love at first sight: Not completely.
80. santa claus: No
81. kiss on the first date: Yes
82. angels: Yes

OTHER:
84. eye colour: Blue
85. favourite movie: It changes… Right now I really love King of Sorrow, I’ve been watching it a lot. But I also love all of the Fast&Furious movies, and Harry Potter.

I’m Tagging….
@calumonoxide @girl-with-no-faith-in-medicine @sam-samcro @telford-ortiz-teller @theonethatgotaway213 @iwillbey0urst0rm @dolphingoddess81 @daniehelene27 @mrskokitztelford @callmemrskozik @anarchyrenegade @jaaxtellerasf @khyharah @yourcroweater @mrstellerwinston @andromedaarchitect @carolelained-redwoodoriginals @fortheloveofthesoa @samcrolivesforever @chibstelfordimagines

hatterchan  asked:

8 and 9 for Chuya

8. Dreams 

Chuuya has a lot of vivid dreams at night, and he remembers them all. While he doesn’t have nightmares every night (although he does get them), he has dreams that are vivid and uncanny enough to leave him feeling unsettled, because his dreams seem real but with something a bit off that he can’t put his finger on. 

9. Music 

Chuuya can go to different extremes with music. He likes rock, but he also likes instrumental and classical music, and sometimes jazz. Passengers in his car never know which one they’re going to get at any given time. 

give me a number and a character and I’ll write a headcanon

  • I didn’t go to sleep till like 3 am
  • my sister was running late so I have to watch her kid
  •  I had to get up at 9 to do so
  •  my sister gave her 4 year one of my special k shakes ( those are expensive!)
  •  she didn’t read what kind it was
  • It was the coffee kind
  • My sister pretty much gave her kid a cup of coffee before I had to watch her

I hate my life

ways to stay productive in summer-

1. learn a new language-

ah, all the time in the world we all have during summer! currently, i’m trying to learn Italian, which isn’t too hard because my first language was Spanish. if you all want a different post on how i got started tell me!

2. start a bullet journal-

with no school in your schedule, you have time to make your bullet journal as complicated or as simple as you’d like. i recently bought a journal and used it as a bujo. i love it!

3. practice your handwriting-

i know many people hate their own handwriting, but how are you going to like it if you don’t practice! i’ve changed my handwriting completely this summer. if you guys want a post about it let me know.

4. make a studyblr/blog-

that’s what i did! i’ve started my studyblr, instagram, and blog (all are linked on my tumblr page ;) )

5. practice calligraphy-

i’ve learned how to do calligraphy with Crayola markers. it’s very easy once you get the hang of it. There are plenty of tutorials online.

6. clean your room-

it’s a great time to clean your room! i know when it’s the school year i never have time to be cleaning my room. you can do a deep decluttering because you probabaly haven’t in a while…

7. DO YOUR SUMMER HOMEWORK-

please for the love of god, do! your! summer! homework! if! you! have! it! i finished my summer homework a couple weeks ago, but my friends still haven’t started. i’m saving their butts by helping them with it. i know plenty of people are going to start doing it two days before school starts. please don’t be one of those people.

8.read!-

i know a lot of people don’t like to read but maybe with your summer boredom you’ll get so bored that you’ll want to read? currently, i’m reading Lord of Shadows by Cassandra Clare.

9. try to prepare for the upcoming school year-

look up your classes and research about them. it’s good to start preparing for what you’re going to learn. it helps so when you go over those subjects in class, you can excel in it ;)

10. relax-

this is summer. your free time. relax and get ready for another stressful school year <3

I’m sitting here doing psych work and I just read yet another statement on how kids and students are overweight because of TV and video games keeping them from going outside and I just sat back in realization because like….

8 or 9 times out of 10, I’m not outside because of homework. Not TV and video games.

I get back from class, two in the afternoon, and I’m either so exhausted that I don’t want to do anything physical or I have so much homework that I can’t get outside before its dark.

Elementary school kids spend from 8 am to 3:30 pm in school (where I’m from), and by second grade are bringing home at least an hour of homework (based on the dozens of kids I work with over the school year). Say they come home, take half an hour to grab a snack and relax before doing an hour of homework. By the time they’re done, its five o'clock. Six is dinner time in my house, and I imagine its similar elsewhere (America centric but thats the school system I’m talking about)

That’s MAYBE an hour of playtime outside, if they dont have chores and if it isn’t already dark out, like it is in the late fall and winter. And yeah, they could do their homework at night. But I know my parents were strict about getting it done before dinner, and I’m sure a lot of other parents are the same way.

Don’t even get me started on middle and highschool. I didn’t even see the sun during musical season.

College? You run to and from class for anywhere from two to six hours a day and then you have homework, jobs, and you have to eat and sleep somewhere in there.

No wonder kids and young adults are sitting down in front of the TV or video games. We’re too exhausted mentally to do anything else.

Video games and tech aren’t the problem here. It’s school and the excessive amount of homework dumped on kids every damn day.

Linkin Park & Me

If you’ve ever gotten to know me, you know that I’m a Linkin Park fan. Like a really, really, REALLY big Linkin Park fan. I’ve never been one to stan too hard over anything, but I’m a Linkin Park stan. For a long time, Linkin Park has been more than just a favorite band, they’ve been a crucial part of my identity since I was thirteen.

I don’t remember when exactly I first heard of Linkin Park. It was at the end of the seventh grade. The name intrigued me, but I wasn’t really into heavy metal. I remember seeing the video for “One Step Closer” on the wall of TVS at Wet Seal, and being shocked at how much I liked it. Then summer came along. I was watching MTV during a stretch of videos in the middle of the day, and the video for “Crawling” came on. I sat with my jaw open throughout the whole thing. It was utterly rapturous. Beautiful. The most incredible thing I had ever, ever, ever heard. 

At the time, the biggest music act in the world around me was Britney Spears, whose hyper-sexualized little girl act revolted me (the older, more mature well-versed in feminism me still finds the act revolting, but with a more nuanced understanding of female sexuality and the male gaze). With the notion ingrained in my head that being a typical teenage girl meant tiny clothing, suggestive lyrics, and lots of belly-wiggling and hip thrusting, being a “freak” was a refuge. I wasn’t here to shake my ass and coyly tell the world that I was a virgin. I was a chubby girl who was never going to look like Britney, and being a “freak” was how I asserted that I had more to offer than just sexy flesh.

I got emo glasses that were just like Chester’s, thick black, rectangular glasses that I’ve worn ever since. I bought a new wardrobe at Hot Topic. I hung out with a bunch of other “freaks” who adored Linkin Park. On the morning of 9/11, I remember having an argument with my friends over what happened in the “Crawling” video. I listened to Hybrid Theory on the bus ride home every day. I listened to it falling asleep. I made my first serious attempt at writing something. 

That’s the other part of my identity, I’m a writer. A writer and a Linkin Park fan, those are the two intractable parts of who I am and who I want to be that stays the same through everything and around which everything else is built. Everything, every poem, every blog post, every novel, every script, EVERYTHING, I write with the intention of being as good as Linkin Park’s music is. That’s always been my highest ambition, to write something that makes someone else feel like I feel when I listen to Linkin Park. I don’t know if I’ve achieved that goal yet, but I still want to.

I’ve struggled with teen angst, ADD, and depression, and Linkin Park helped give voice to all of that. In a vast, dark sea of love songs, sex songs, and songs about money, drugs, and riches, songs about emotions and experiences rife with darkness was something I could relate to. I sometimes joke about today’s pop music’s lack of angst, “What do kids these days listen to when they want to *feel* something?” 

I always wanted to meet Chester Bennington, but, now I’ll have to accept the fact that I never will. It fucking hurts. But I can still say what I’d hoped to say to him: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. For being so unique, for writing such incredible music, for being in my life. From the deepest part of my soul, thank you for existing.