i have like 5 others im sorry

Merlin deleted scenes otherwise known as:

“Julian, it’s just too gay, we’ve got to cut it, I’m sorry.”

here’s some more maia/alec brotp headcanons:

- they literally text each other all the time over nothing. like maia would be waiting for alec to show up at the hunters moon and be texting him about a shadowhunter who’s there and is being a dick to her. and when she’s finally had enough she texts him “talk to you later, im about to cause a scene” and alec is like “MAIA OMG” “WHATS HAPPENING” “AT LEAST WAIT UNTIL I GET THERE SO I CAN WATCH”
- alec is just as bad like he’ll get bored of writing out mission reports and text her like “im dying” “ I don’t deserve to suffer like this help me” and then two minutes later maia will get another text that reads “suddenly im fine” and it makes maia laugh as she texts back “magnus is there isn’t he?” and all she gets is a smiley face emoji in response.
- maia and alec always have friends nights and izzy and jace etc always assume they go out for drinks at the hunters moon or something when in reality they both sit on the floor in magnus and alec’s living room in their pyjamas, eating take out while dragging tf out of whatever book based movie they’re watching bc lets be honest they’re the biggest books nerds, they are so the type to do this.
- maia teases alec so much for having angel blood. like at christmas, when alec, maia, magnus and izzy are there putting up decorations in the hunters moon, izzy announces its time to put the angel on the tree and maia immediately jumps in with “alec’s too big to put on the tree, he’ll break it” and alec just rolls his eyes at her. magnus asks alec if he’s stopping over tonight and maia is instantly “he can’t, he’ll be busy starring in the nativity play. he’s been preparing all his life for it”. it’s not even just at christmas she does it, one time she bought alec a pair of shoes that literally had wings coming off of them and forced him to wear them for an entire day, she found it hilarious.
- alec and maia literally are the worst when they’re together like someone can be talking to them and they’ll both be sitting there with blank expressions, not saying a word. like the time clary stormed up to alec while he was talking to maia and complained about how the clave were forcing her to sit out on the mission and maia and alec literally didnt say anything for a good 5 minutes, they just gave each other that look like “really? see what I have to deal with?” “alec, sweetie, im so sorry” while clary is just standing there like “????”

9

Last part!

Wow thank you everyone who sent me so many nice messages and comments! I’m glad people liked this comic, even though I made it up on the spot and almost makes no sense. It’s not perfect but it was certainly good practice!

Other parts: 1 2 3 4 5 6

EDIT: PLEASE DO NOT REPOST THIS ON YOUTUBE OR OTHER SITES

anonymous asked:

Tbh a lot of langst writers describe lance's inner monologue as 100% Bad Thoughts™ but personally think its only a fifth of that. The other four parts are most likely - Intelligent Boy Thoughts, 'dang Keith is dang fine goddangit', numbers for his inner musical, and shitposts. Like maybe his Bad Thoughts™ can be invasive and take over his thought process, but he has other thoughts, yknow? (Sorry for venting, im just tired with how melodramatic and "Sad" langst posts and fics can get sometimes)

Honestly, I think that most of langst takes place at points in their journey when Lance is having low day (re: Month, week, however long it is) and I can tell you then it’s only about 3/5 of the brain that’s bad. But even then, where is the inner musical? Where are the shit posts? And Bi thoughts? 

LIke, I’m guilty of this- don’t get me wrong- but now.. I wanna make some content where Lance bursts out into song- or has gayer thoughts, or or- I dont know, but I like how other people are noticing this as well

Jaebum  Ver. (Bed AU’s)

I got the idea of doing this from reading a Bed Sharing AU I found on Tumblr, you can find it here. I take no credit for these prompts, however I do take credit for writing these stories.

Mark | Jaebum | Jinyoung | Jackson | Youngjae | BamBam | Yugyeom

Kiss The Girl
Prompt -
We fell asleep on the couch together on accident, how did my hand end up in your hair? Were you breathing on my neck?! (Why did I get tingly???????)”
Pairing -
Im Jaebum/Reader
Tags -
Drinking, fluff, again hickies since they’re my fetish, suggestive snuggling, good morning anacondas, train to busan s p o i l e r s im sorry, they’re meaningful hickies tho, is that even a thing, little mermaid reference ayyyye, bambam just rly likes hello kitty ok
Word Count -
2,009 words
Author’s Note:
 I’m sorry this chapter was so shitty, I just got done with school and I have a job so I work like 5 days out of the week, and I have college and payments and bills and ew. But I will try to be as productive as I can with the other members! Enjoy!

Originally posted by wangpxppy


How you ended up like this, you have no idea.

The last thing you remember was boo-hoo crying along with Youngjae at the ending of Train to Busan, probably annoying the hell out of Yugyeom on Youngjae’s left and Jaebum on your right of the couch.

Listen, as much as they wanna complain, Su-an deserved her fucking father – the scene when he made her let go of him in the train car and he forced himself away was brutal to your heart strings – and he didn’t deserve to die in the end. Neither did the buff dude who’s name couldn’t come to mind at the time in writing this story.

“Hey, (Y/N)-ah?” Youngjae sniffled out your name, you remembered, causing you to look over and he wiped his eyes. “Could you get me another s-soju, please…?” He asked and you nodded, getting up from your spot next to an already passed out Jaebum, head tilted back on the arm of the couch, exposing his neck and god you had way to many drinks.

You remember wiping your tears and trying to worm your way through the sea of bodies across your living room, slung across one another in slumber.

However, there were six things you woke up to in the morning that you were prepared for.

And one thing you weren’t.

BamBam was curled up on the coffee table with a Hello Kitty blanket and a neck pillow (you honestly weren’t surprised he could fit on there, he’s so skinny-).

Yugyeom and Jinyoung were on the floor to the right of the coffee table, Yugyeom using Jinyoung’s sweater as a blanket, and Jinyoung using Yugyeom’s stomach as a pillow.

Youngjae was laying on the loveseat, Coco (yes, he brought his dog) sleeping on his chest while Mark was on the floor in front of that sofa.

Jackson was snoring quietly in the recliner with one knee pulled up to his chest rather uncomfortably, and his other sprawled out on the foot rest.

All those were expected. Even your slight hangover was expected.

However, the thing that caught your attention was the thick arm curling around your waist, keeping you pinned beneath the owner and the couch. You were on your back, but you couldn’t see the face of who was currently making you suffer from so much body heat. However, you could feel a few things that gave you an idea.

He was breathing in and out slowly, his mouth moving slightly against the expanse of your throat as he stirred and you weren’t sure if you were still dreaming because no way in hell can this be who you think it is. But all the signs did scream yes. The silky black strands your right hand was entangled in, the piercings you could feel resting against your shoulder, the other hand poking into your thigh-

Wait a minute.

If your head is resting on one arm of his.

One hand of yours is in his hair.

His other arm is around your waist.

And your other hand is fisted in his shirt.

Oh-

Oh my god.

That’s a dick.

That’s his dick.

His dick is hard-

Im Jaebum’s dick is hard-

and it’s-

now poking into your leG.

p a n i c-

Then the lips that were pressed against your neck began to part. And that was when the panic began to low-key set in. Open-mouthed kisses were placed on the space just over your jugular, kisses that had you squirming in the best ways. You were actually enjoying yourself. Until you realized how incredibly wrong it was as to what you were doing.

You liked Jaebum, but he didn’t like you. And it was wrong of you to let him do this to you, knowing that he had no idea it was you who he was doing it to. His morning wood had nothing to do with you, his closeness, his tongue technology (a to the g to the u to the sTD- sorry) all of it had nothing to do with you. It was just his dream, and it didn’t involve you-

“(Y/N)~”

Or, dreams do come true and he just moaned your fucking name.

His voice startled you, causing you to jump. Which was a bad idea. Because that caused him to switch positions, so now he was on the bottom (hehe, bottom) and you were laying over him, his arms tightly around your torso so you weren’t moving anytime soon.

aND YOU COULD feEL his dICK.

Anaconda. Cock-A-Doodle-Do. Pool Noodle. Hot Dog. Banana. Incredible Hulk. The terms are endless but it was there and o h m y g o d. Do you scream, do you cry, who the fuck knows.

You were about to wake him up when what he said next had your face redder than whatever ‘set’ he was complaining about. “Black makes you look sexier, (Y/N), more dangerous… I like it.” Fuc- it’s okay, you were fine.

“Jaebum… Jaebum-” You called softly, lightly patting his cheek but all that got was a nose twitch and a small groan. You sighed, before it dawned on you. You’d liked Jaebum for a while… when were you going to get another chance like this? You always thought since you were the third oldest out of the group of friends, two months older than BamBam, that he saw you as some kid. I mean, you two talked amongst each other about photography and such, but he never looked like he saw more of you.

Well, this was a game changer.

Taking all the courage you had, you leaned down and you kissed him. It was quick, barely even a full second, but you pulled back and scanned his face, but found no signs of consciousness.

Until he smirked a few seconds later.

“I knew you liked me, (Y/N).”

His sleepy smirk turned into a full on grin as he flipped the two of you once again, now both your hands on your stomach and his on either side of you, holding himself up. God, he looked gorgeous even when he was just getting up; his hair matted on one side, his voice deeper than ever, it rivaled Jackson’s even.

You were pretty sure that you looked a mess.  Ruined eyeliner from crying with Youngjae at the end of the movie – your breath probably smelled straight from a dumpster with how much you’d drank combined morning breath and it didn’t sound like that good of a combination. You probably even had some drool dried on your chin.

You were sputtering like a dying engine trying to figure out what the hell to say. But he said it for you. “I… I know that I don’t seem like I have feelings… for really anything.” He confessed, catching your attention down to his plush pink lips just begging for yours. “Jinyoung and Youngjae have been working with me on that- I promise.” He added, slightly caressing your cheek with his thumb.

Oh my god, shut up I have a hangover let me sleep!” BamBam croaked out in his slightly deep voice – it was in English, surprisingly, rather than Korean or even Thai – and he just rolled over on his back to face the other way, the small Hello Kitty blanket barely covering his thin, lanky form.

This caused the tension in the room to shift. With you frozen beneath him, after the outburst from BamBam it caused you to go into a fit of giggles; ones you hushed yourself with your hand to keep from waking him up more. Jaebum was no better, biting his bottom lip to stop from laughing himself. After you two calmed down, he resumed his monologue.

Do you think he practiced it?

He totally practiced it.

For the sake of your own ego, you led yourself to believe he practiced it.

“I know I might treat you like a kid sometimes, but that’s just because I’m scared of getting close to someone… someone I like a lot and have them leave me in the dust just for my fame. But I-… I know you won’t do that to me, (Y/N)… right?”

God, it broke your heart to hear such things come from the singer’s mouth. He’d been your friend since he was in the JJ Project, when you and Youngjae were just itty bitty trainees at JYP. Then, you’d landed a job in the production of GOT7, and were a on a team as a artist for their albums and their brand. But you always were honest with everyone, especially the GOT7 members, they were like family to you.

But Jaebum… he was more. He made your heart flutter with every passing glance.

You’d had a crush on him, even in his awkward blonde  JJP phase with Jinyoung – who was like an older brother to you. You would barely talk to Jaebum as a trainee, and when you weren’t cutting it for debut, you were surprised to find yourself in JYPD-nim’s office, and have him tell you that you got a job instead.

You didn’t know it, but when Jaebum was told of the trainees that weren’t debuting and were being let go from the company, he had to make sure you were kept on the team. He didn’t know how to tell you of his feelings for you, but he would keep you around until he did.

And here he was.

C O N F E S S I N G.

“S-So, (Y/N), will you-”

“Yes. Yes, a billion times yes, just.. one thing.”

He tilted his head, a big sleepy grin on his face at your acceptance of his feelings as well as reciprocation. “What’s that?”

You bit your lip to hide your smile.

“Kiss me?”

And he sure as hell did. He kissed everywhere – your eyelids, nose, cheeks, chin, lips, everywhere he could reach, leaving you in giggles. Until he kissed somewhere that had you making other noises that you had to clasp your hand over your mouth to hide.

He left exactly five marks on your skin. One for each year he knew you. One for each year that he should have told you. One for each year he left behind with you.

Just as he was finishing the last one, with you just barely managing to push him away from your neck so you could have a minute to breathe without it being into your hand, you heard a round of 'ooh’s’ sounding around the room.

“Jaebummie-hyung got some!”

Oh my god, Yugyeom. Go back to sleep.

“Good, now he’ll stop complaining about her talking with Jackson more than him.”

That was Jinyoung.

“She doesn’t talk with me that much more!”

You were red in the face.

“Aish! You woke up Coco and now I have a headache!”

“Yah, Youngjae-ah, I think there’s pills in the bathroom-”

Everyone was awake aside from BamBam, who was still snoring comfortably on the coffee table, passed out drunk.

And here you were, buried under Jaebum with marks littering your neck from him.

“Come, Jaebum! Kiss the girl!”

Jaebum looked down at you, a big grin on his face.

Ghost Emoji Review

typical apple emoji. riddled unnecessary gradients and awful shading. way too lumpy for my taste. 1/5 what are those eyes?

very cute. could haunt me anytime. terribly shaded, but makes up in cuteness 4/5

lack of effort is evident. trying too hard to be something it isnt (cough cough, the apple emoji) 3/5

very cute n cheeky. another poorly shaded emoji, no surprise there. 4/5

ugly and unwanted. belongs in a scrapbook of your old Kindegarten arts and crafts and no where else. 0/5

very very cute. i accept this ghost. 10/5

scary, but not in a good way. looks as if it will eat your soul. stay back or i will bring out the vaccum cleaner. 2/5 for effort

ugh. disgusting. dont get me started on this waste of space. looks more like the devil emoji than a ghost with those sorry excuse for hands. 1/5

go back to your bag of discount cereal. come on twitter, you’ve done better. 0/5

disgusting blob of discarded toothpaste. do these emojis not know of this thing called symmetry? it’s not that hard of a concept. 1/5 why is he blue?

unnecessary emoji trying to outshine all the others, failing miserably. looks like a mix of a jackolantern and potato sack. emojidex once again has failed us to no avail. shameful. im calling the ghostbusters. 0/5

anonymous asked:

What are the top 5 podcasts you recommend?

Oooooh, anon, that is a difficult question, because I listen to so many, and would also recommend different ones if you like different genres.

Oh, but first, I’m not gonna rec Welcome to Night Vale (or anything from Night Vale Presents), mostly because it’s on virtually every podcast rec list, and if you’re asking for more podcasts, you’re probably already in the process of listening to it, or have already done so.

(The recs are under the cut, bc I love podcasts too much and went a little crazy with the descriptions and why I recommend them)

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Thank you for all the hard work! You guys are amazing, is the distopian tag due for an update bc I am mostly desperate, im so sorry. Please have a nice day

lmao you’re good!!! 

Subject Style5 by Cuppa_Char (1/? | 4,251 | R)

Derek. Cop and Zone Patrol Officer. It’s been 10 years since the fire. 9 years, 11 months and three weeks since he was given a permit to leave the Outskirts. 5 years since he earned a permit to work the zones. It’s only been 2 since the world found out about Manticore.

Stiles. Escaped Manticore Subject Style5. A sub-division from the X-5 line. One of a kind. Stiles isn’t like the others. He has a unique ability. One that none of the others have. And Manticore wants it back.

Honey, Can’t you See (The Bloodstains on my Teeth) by Loup_Aigre, TroubleIWant (4/4 | 44,901 | NC17)

“Mr Stilinski.” Deaton’s usually impassive face betrays a hint of surprise today, maybe even disappointment. “You haven’t changed your mind.”

Stiles tips his chin up, smiling against his irritation. “Nope,” he confirms, so cheerily it bites. They had arranged this weeks ago, yet Deaton was apparently betting Stiles wouldn’t go through with it in the end. Fuck that. He doesn’t know what it’s like out there, not really. He can afford to hold himself aloof and uninvolved, knowing his druid power is enough to keep him safe in this little office. Stiles can’t. Scott’s pack has got to protect this whole town, and Stiles’ spark isn’t enough to protect all of them while they do it.

The thing is, magic isn’t like the fairy tales. It’s blood and risk and sacrifice. Nothing comes without a price, and anyone who tries to say different is baiting a hook to gut you on. Stiles knows that, has known it since he was a kid and his mother started training him for the inevitable day when he’d need to fight for his life.

That day had come four years ago when she died, and it hasn’t stopped yet.

When It All Goes Up In Flames by tragicama (6/6 | 95,016 | NC17)

“What happened to you? Why are you bleeding?”

“Because he’s an idiot.”

“I didn’t know that idiocy caused people to just start spontaneously bleeding from the nose.”

“I think it’s a new phenomenon.”

or, the Divergent AU

Under the Blue Moon, Over the Red Sea by MyNameisLee (2/? | 3,492 | OG13)

A series of unfortunate event is leading two brother into another word, and have a change at discovering another side of themself, and another chance in life. For the better or worse…. 

Turn Yourself Toward Home by fireflystiles (cuddlehazz) (1/1 | 30,065 | R)

Hunter’s took over and four Protected Territories remain to take in Supernaturals. Beacon Hills is one of them. They destroy the Camp holding many Supernaturals, rescuing those inside. Stiles, Derek, and his Betas end up separated from the others taking longer to get home.

so i heard gemsonas…. heres n old one i guess. i call her red.

she’s essentially part of a crew of space pirate gems. technically rebels, but unaffiliated with the CGs and going solo for more personal and selfish reasons. she’s a red pearl who was created during the war and had little perspective of how a pearl was ‘supposed’ to act, being put to work by her owner as spare muscle. once she realised what her life was supposed to be she panicked and poofed her own owner, bubbling her and fleeing the planet.

the crew’s a gaggle of 5 gems, all pretty good friends. most of them respect her independance but in a kind of “youre not like other pearls!!” way that bothers her a little. she likes to remain impersonal and distant from other gems and constantly has her guard up, even if she seems friendly. absoutely despises the concept of fusing with anyone. likes humans and food quite a bit, especially now as they’re hiding out on earth (unaware that the CGs are also there)

hsmgk im rambling?? i have a lot of gem ideas honestly… sorry if this seems out of place on the blog

10

FINALLY I’VE FINISHED THIS

this was supposed to be completed long ago, like after ova 5 was released. But by the time it was released, my exam was coming up ;-;

even after the exam, i was struck with other obstacles… which i dont want to mention here

the comic is kinda cramped im sorry

I just need to let this off my chest but I really don’t want Ivar to fall in love or have a lover in season 5. It not that I have this crush on him or anything but I really don’t want a cliche. If it’s anything like nobody likes Ivar but suddenly this blond princess comes into the picture, finds him intriguing and both falls for each other and suddenly Ivar can pleasure a woman, IM OUT! I don’t want a love story, I want more of Ivar’s sick yet strategic mind, blood and war. Feel free to judge but that’s my opinion.

If You Don't Know
5 Seconds of Summer
If You Don't Know

If You Don’t Know (3D)

TO LISTEN:

Wear headphones and close your eyes! It’s supposed to sound like the music is swirling around you!

Thank you to the two lovely anons for requesting!

Requests are currently closed as I have many, but you can check out my other 3D edits here!

2

hey, guys! i’m going to open up commissions for a handful of sketch slots, since maintenance is happening on all of my days off (of course) and i’ll have nothing else to do! (plus, i’ve been meaning to get around to test driving another batch of commissions…)

THESE ARE LIMITED TO FFXIV CHARACTERS ONLY!! at least for this batch!!

i will be taking 5 slots to start with!

  1. taken
  2. taken
  3. taken
  4. taken
  5. taken

won’t do:

  • nsfw
  • complex armor/mecha/etc
  • couples (sorry!)

if you’re interested, feel free to shoot me a message on tumblr with plenty of references, a brief description of your character (helps me get the right mood for your character), and any other extra information (outfit, etc) you would like for me to know!

thank you~

a pure concept: yura not being so grossed out by victor and yuuri’s love/pda but more exasperated and viewing it like when ur parents are making googly eyes at each other across the breakfast table even tho its 5:39am and no one should be that coherent. really he just wants someone to pass the jam so he can taint his tea but victor is too busy feeding yuuri bites from his plate and theyre holding hands and are well on their way to being late to the rink that morning.

anonymous asked:

i know this is really dumb but seeing you draw the boys with self harm scars and them just not freaking out about it makes me feel a little less insecure about my own self harm scars. sorry if this is weird it took me 5 minutes to write this because i kept erasing it thinking i sounded stupid so

((Oh trust me you don’t sound dumb at all!!!

I know i say this A Lot in this blog but the reason why i do that kind of stuff is actually to make myself feel better abt having them!! So having other ppl say that it’s helping them as well is honestly one of the best kind of messages i can get. I love all of you tbh))

slayeol  asked:

Please give me wonderful fluffy cuteness that will make my teeth rot and by that i mean give me puckabrina (sobs its been years since ive used that word), idk i want smth w Married AU w kids but not like MBs lame epilogue and w Sab and Daphne 2.0 (shudder), give me the Puckabrina from the Future of Book 5 that I loved and never got to see again.

OKAY SO THIS IS NOT EXACTLY A BOOK 5 FUTURE AU IM SORRY. YOUR OTHER PROMPT THAT I HAVE HAD SITTING IN MY INBOX FOR JUST AS LONG THOUGH? THAT WILL BE AN ACTUAL BOOK FIVE AU

It could have gone like this:

Sabrina becomes a lawyer on the urging of her mother and Robin Hood, and she likes it, mostly. She’d rather be doing something a little more active, but she does like it, and it pays well. It’s stable. She likes stability. Routine.

Puck disappears for five years and comes back right when Sabrina has moved on from him enough to get married.

Somehow, they get married and have two children, neither of whom resembles their father much at all. Sabrina convinces Puck to lie to them about what they are (think about what a trick it’ll be to play on them!). Daphne has twins, over fifteen years after Sabrina does. Their lives go on.

This, of course, is ridiculous. Sabrina does not become a lawyer because, while she loves research, she also loves action, and she has grown to accept all sides of her heritage and personality. She is militant. Puck runs off, but they find him again, because there is nowhere between here and Wonderland that Puck could go where Sabrina and Daphne could not find him. He wanted to be found.

It takes a long, long time for Sabrina and Puck to have kids. It is difficult. Biology does not lend itself to reproduction between them. Magic is involved. Their oldest resembles Sabrina more than Puck. Alison Relda Grimm is full of passionate likes and dislikes, and she is almost too much for life. Emma Briar, while just as much as her sister, is more playful, and she and her father collude on almost everything, though Emma shares her mother’s fondness for Book Learning in a way that Alison, who is diagnosed with ADHD and dyslexia at age ten, cannot really join (oh, Puck says. His own trouble with books begins to make sense).

The Scarlet Hand is gone, destroyed, but this is not the end of their troubles. Everafters are rife within the world, and they are resentful of the way they have been shunted aside. Sabrina and Puck are never really allowed to settle, and are never given the luxury of repeating Henry and Veronica’s mistake in lying to their children.

They have day jobs, yes, but they also travel on weekends and vacations. They fight monsters. They have adventures. They come home. Rinse. Repeat.

Life goes on. Daphne and Red adopt twin girls, because when Daphne is given the choice between in-vitro fertilization and adoption, she wants to rescue two girls from her own experiences. Red, too, wants to give someone else who needs it a family instead of starting from scratch. When Basil, at twenty-eight, tells his family that he does not believe he will ever fall in love because he cannot remember feeling like that about anyone, Sabrina believes him.

Sabrina and Puck are in love. They disgust their children with it. More than passion and romance, though, which they occasionally have time for, they are partners. They have fought by each other’s sides so much that it is no longer like two people fighting, but like one person, fighting in two bodies. It is a dance, and it is their dance.

Ten, fifteen, twenty years ago, Sabrina would not have told you she wanted this. She would have told you the fantasy: a normal desk job, full of paperwork; a boring, ordinary husband; Puck in her life but not her other half; two girls who would have been much like carbon copies of herself and her sister.

Still.

This is better. This, with Puck, with the knowledge that yes, she will fight, but she will do it with someone she can trust implicitly, is good. This is waking up in the morning to blue skin and rolling over to punch the man who gave it to her, so he wakes up knowing he succeeded. This is calling Daphne to help her get back to normal while Puck laughs at her and whines about his handiwork, calls her abusive for punching him. This is waffles for breakfast and two girls bickering because one glued the other’s fingers together. This is day jobs with knives strapped to her thighs just in case. This is getting a call on her second cell phone because there’s a giant rampaging in Oklahoma and can you help please? This is being carried into battle by a Puck who is still wearing scrubs. This is the fear in battle only for Puck, because she knows he will protect her, so she doesn’t have to worry about herself. This is going home to tend their wounds.This is ordering takeout because they are both too sore to get off the couch. This is being very glad to stop aging before they hit forty.

This?

All this?

This is happily ever after.

anonymous asked:

how old were you when you were in your edgy anti-sjw faze and how did you get out of it and become the great guy you are now?

ok so this ended up being more personal than i thought but im not ashamed of any of this so im ok with people knowing about it

gonna be 100% honest i was kinda shitty even in the first half of 2016 but it was a super gradual change that happened because i became internet friends with a whole lot of other lgbt folks. ok, actually i might have to get a bit heavy here, sorry if this is rough to listen to but its part of it. ive talked about it before but mid-2016 was around the time when i started getting chemotherapy for testicular cancer.
now, dont worry, testicular cancer, when found around the stage when i found it, has like a less than 5 percent chance of death. and im now far enough away from my treatment to know that it was completely eradicated and im totally fine. but i still had to go through surgery to remove a testicle, which fucking sucked, by the way, and a month and a half later i learned i had cancer in my lymph nodes too so i had to go through chemo to fix it (theres a good chance that when you get the testicle with the tumor on it removed you’re just good but that didnt happen with me). 
this also happened to coincide with what was supposed to be the end of 12th grade (i failed two classes, still gotta pass those but, y’know, depression n shit which was by the way already there and still is and thats making it difficult but im going to by the end of the year). what this meant was that pretty much everyone i knew from school was out and still is. they were kinda shitty. so i got on tumblr and met some real nice folks, including a fair bit of transgender people, who up until that point ive never talked to.
throughout the entirety of my chemo treatment i went on here mainly for the funny jokes and shit like that to keep me distracted. and then one day i was on omegle and i met @petbud, who was already in this part of the website and i started making posts of my own, i gradually got more critical of shit i was used to just because i started going on here more.

this website isnt perfect but if you stay critical of it, too, especially as a white cis male, you learn so much from alternative perspectives that you never even thought about. honestly i feel like i was in the perfect age to benefit from a few different perspectives without being hurt by some of the things on here. i feel like if i was on here earlier it would have fucked with me more tbh but as it stands its made me a much better person, without exaggeration. i used to be the stereotypical redditor, making fun of genders and shit but im not any more and im really really glad about that.