i have like 2 3 left to do from before but they all have at least some progress on them so i feel ok doing this

anonymous asked:

I’m torn! I liked the episode but I also feel really anxious about it. Why Oliver doesn't trust her anymore? He admitted that he and Diggle had let her fall deeper and that maybe she didn't feel like she belonged this season and yet he doesn't back her play. Help me understand this please because I don't want to think like this about him. I wanted to enjoy episode 20 but this is upsetting.

Don’t come to tumblr/twitter much because of my job but I love Arrow, though I’ve only been watching it for a year. There are some I’ve been following that were really vocal about 5.19: they’ve basically been saying Oliver isn’t good enough for Felicity now and are angry at him for not trusting/backing her like she has him. Is it them who don’t understand or me? I thought it showed Oliver afraid. No mistrusting. And Felicity asking for equality. I saw a reply you gave once but I don’t know anyone who does them like that.

I wasn’t going to answer these initially because I feel they’ve been answered so fully by the names just below this but… I HAVE AN ABUNDANCE OF OLICITY FEELS THAT CANNOT BE DENIED.

I needed to vent them! Overuse of gifs ahoy!

OK, first? Q2 Anon: I can give you the names of a few people who answer questions FAR better than I ever could if you’d like?

There’s @jbuffyangel (who did her usual amazing review of the episode which should answer all of your questions/worries) @callistawolf and @louiseblue1

There are others that I’m sure you’ll find if you explore a bit ;)

There isn’t really much I can say past what hasn’t already been said by the 3 above.

But I need to clarify (even though you can’t answer) something Anon 1. You liked the episode?

JUST liked?

Well I just about had a mini coronary. Honey, I don’t think you were seeing it properly. Episode 19 was like a piece fanfiction come to life. It was an episode to grin hard about and watch whilst gripping the edge of your seat. Something to feel deep in your chest the next day.

Everything in it – EVERY SINGLE SCENE – was a moment I’ve been waiting on pins to see.

And I mean, purely from the point of view of a fan: how could you not adore the return of the looks and the talking:

Originally posted by legends-of-today

Originally posted by andjustforthismoment

True, I DO think they made us wait a tad too long (kill me now – @scu11y22 knows especially, after episode 9 how close I came to having a full on shit-fit – but just a shit-fit, not a loss of hope) for this but I also believe that they wanted the whole Prometheus Vs Oliver = Oliver’s lowest moment score to occur prior to any progression that could be made between Oliver and Felicity…

It’s because they want them - their steps back to each other - to be part and parcel with Prometheus’s defeat.

And Prometheus is representative of Oliver’s demons. Of his darkness and his pain. 

Originally posted by mogirl97

Something he can no longer run from like he has been doing for years. What he needs to face and defeat, to strive beyond.

It’s all so that the penultimate moment, episode 20, can mean so much more and have triple the affect it would have had without this.

Oliver can’t defeat Prometheus with his current mind-set. He can’t even stand against him: Prometheus has broken a vital piece of Oliver’s soul: his hope.

Think about it: Olicity closing the gap between them - healing that breach - each and reuniting possibly leading to the defeat of Prometheus. And what’s necessary for the defeat of Prometheus? For Oliver to step forwards into a light of his own making. A mission of his own choosing.

How much more epic can you get?

But you (Anon 1) (Anon 2, you’re fine girl/boy;)) were referring more to the deceptive lack of trust in this episode, correct?

That supposed absence of trust, the very thing that put a pause on this whole relationship? It’s an Oliver Queen smokescreen. Possibly subconscious on his part, at least initially. A not-so-flimsy cover up for Oliver’s real problem. A problem they’re going to bring about, in GREAT and uncompromising detail, in episode 20.

But let’s get into specifics.

It’s what we’ve been waiting for. And all of it, everything, was good. Everything coming will be better.

I think a problem a lot of people might also be having at the moment is the sudden rise of emotional intensity in the show.

Originally posted by yourreactiongifs

Yes, I know: random. But.

Arrow has always been intense but it increases with each season: the actors are pushed into doing scenes and playing roles they’ve never done before, into bending rules and breaking past boundaries. Season 5 has been exemplary in this. But there’s been an upswing from episode 16, especially in regards to OTA and Olicity, that wasn’t as present earlier on. It’s been very welcome, but also, a bit of a shock.

They’ve had to wait you see: there’s been too much story to tell first. We got a lot of Olicity before anything else in season 4 so they needed to be true to their other stories first but you all know the other reasons as well. Lord know’s I’ve gone on about them too.

So now, everything feels powerful. Penetrating. Worrying? The script was so forceful in Dangerous Liasons, so intense: every scene featuring Oliver and Felicity was a scene that left a mark on the audience. People are feeling the heat - the kind of heat exhibited in 3.20 - and it’s such a burn that it people might consider it an omen.

Don’t feel anxious about it: not at all. It’s about facing the truth. About Oliver and Felicity facing each other. About facing themselves…

And they found themselves in each other once upon a time.

Originally posted by curvygeekyfangirl

That still holds true. There was no way in hell that they were going to get to the root of each of their issues without them coming back to each other.

Oliver.

There’s no one he trusts, respects and admires more than Felicity Smoak.

But being honest with her - telling her about his 5.17 revelation (something he had to understand himself first) about his reasoning behind why he’s done what he’s done over the years - is something he thinks will make her fall out of love with him.

But it also might save her from becoming him.

This has absolutely nothing to do with trust.

For the first time, Felicity is the one he and Dig have to worry about… and like big tough Alpha males, it throws them completely out of whack.

Originally posted by emilybuttrickards

It’s not about a lack of trust or a deliberate choice not to be there for her when she has been there for him every single time he needed someone.

He can’t possibly be ok with her behaving like him because she’s more. She’s better. She’s the example he measures all other acts of goodness and evil against. No other woman (or man) has come close.

Originally posted by songbin

Originally posted by meafterdeath

Originally posted by bicanaries

Originally posted by supercanaries

Originally posted by dcvertigodaily

Originally posted by heckyeahsummerglaugifs

Originally posted by valkylicious

Originally posted by dmichellewrites

And that’s just some of the examples and only the women.

But there’s been a lack of understanding between these two for the past year (A year… Christ, it’s been more than a year) and they need to hack it out but they wouldn’t be able to without a stimulus.

Originally posted by felicityssoliver

Originally posted by beemichelle7

Boom baby!

Now, Felicity TELLING Oliver that he doesn’t trust her was soooooo deeply satisfying, not because I agree with her. I don’t. She’s wrong. But I only know that because I’m the observer.

I loved it because she was finally being honest about how he’s made her feel. And how he’s made her feel isn’t just like she isn’t trusted:

Originally posted by andjustforthismoment

It’s lonely. Alone.

Originally posted by felicitysmoakq

She’s felt like she can’t go to him and ask for the assistance she needed, the help she wanted. The kind of love she deserves. Honestly, I’m pretty sure she didn’t want his help either. Not at this stage. She wanted to rely on herself. To decide for herself. To make the choices he and Dig have always made for her. To be their equal.

What she wanted was for him to say:

“I don’t like it. I don’t want you to do it. You’re asking me to stand back and watch you sell yourself because of a problem I caused. I don’t want it. It’ll hurt too much… but I’m going to. I’m going to because I trust you. You already know I love you. And now I’m going to prove what that actually means to me. I’m going to place all my trust in you because I believe. In. You.

Always.”

Wonderful, right?

But this is from the point of view of a woman who doesn’t fully understand Oliver Queen, through no fault of her own. She’s the closest any woman has ever come to truly knowing him: she DOES know him the best of everyone, even Thea…

And that is something he - subconsciously - can’t allow. He can’t have Felicity - the person he loves the most - close to his darkest demon. Can’t have her touched.

If she’d been ready at the time of their break up, maybe she would have seen something else and NOT a man who simply doesn’t trust her the way she craves to be trusted, the way she’d trusted him and still does trust him. Even after everything.

But she couldn’t help missing that because Oliver is emotionally stunted and very unaware of how his father’s promise and his survivor’s guilt have deepened that chasm inside him.

Oliver is also a man of his word.

Originally posted by andjustforthismoment

“We can protect her.”

He made a promise to himself and Dig and he was vehement in that promise.

It was a declaration of intent: I want her in this but not at the cost of what makes her… her.

Do you think that ever goes away for someone like Oliver? And do you think he ever forgets about that promise? No. It just grows stronger. It was crucial to him; especially right at the beginning of it all.

And for Felicity Smoak it is an absolute - a requisite - STRONGER than his need to protect Thea.

He grew to accept at the end of season 3 - after choosing for her for most of the season - that Thea’s life was her own, that her actions were her own, her body was her own to throw it onto fire if she wanted to.

He’d hate it… but he’d get it.

He can’t do that with Felicity because she’s his cornerstone.

Originally posted by oliverqueennn

Originally posted by nugetae

Originally posted by bazingagubicorn

Originally posted by andjustforthismoment

Originally posted by andjustforthismoment

Even after they broke up, even months later with this distance between them, she’s still the person who balances his world, who gives him structure.

Originally posted by lucyyh

When she first joined the team, she enabled his night work in a way he didn’t think possible and she was as safe as he could make her. Behind her computers. In HIS Foundry. Perfect.

Originally posted by yet-i-remain-quiet

She was where he could keep an eye on her and control how deep into the life she was. In fact she only ever touched close to danger when she was in the field, which was few and far between for this exact reason.

Originally posted by andjustforthismoment

Even when she opted – even when it was her choice – Oliver (and by extension Dig) only agreed when they could control the danger level.

Originally posted by andjustforthismoment

But even then, things can still go wrong.

Originally posted by fponthedl

The problem is that Felicity has always been just as ‘in deep’ as the boys.

But she’s their precious gem: their lucky charm. Their lighthouse, their way home. The heart of the team.

Originally posted by andjustforthismoment

Originally posted by songbin

What happens when a lighthouse goes dark?

Originally posted by sporkageddon

The way home – your eyes – vanishes.

You loose sight of reality.

It was taken for granted, Felicity’s natural light. Her faith. He thought if he left it alone, it was stay exactly as it was…

Originally posted by gothsmoak

The light on Oliver’s path – as pitiful and as small, as narrow and filled with thorns and without forks and choices as that way has become – was, in his head, taken fully away in episode 19. He was left asunder and confused.

Originally posted by olicity-i-believe-in-you

Adrift. Lost at sea…. he’s already lost at sea.

Originally posted by feilcityqueen

He was lost at sea for years until he chose to stay away from Starling (I prefer the name Starling City to Star City btw).

After his return, she became his anchor. Slowly.

Originally posted by bratvaolicity

Overtime.

Originally posted by nugetae

Moment by moment.

Originally posted by thecwarrow

Until she became irreplaceable.

And he didn’t realise just how deep that went… until he broke her heart. Until she left him. Alone.

Originally posted by andjustforthismoment

They’re as alone as each other. Even when they’re with others. Even in a crowd. Even as they reached out to others, romantically or otherwise and it didn’t heal them.

Case in point: look at where they are right now. He thinks he’s a sociopathic serial killer and she’s willing to destroy her life to bring down the man who made him feel that way.

She is doing for Oliver what Oliver did for Thea in season 3.

All she’s asking is for him to let her.

But he can’t.

He promised Dig he’d protect her. Just her. 

Not Laurel or Thea or Sara or anyone else, not even Dig… Felicity was the one whom he’d never have twisted. The one neither of them could or would sacrifice. IRREPLACEABLE.

Most importantly, he can’t have her become him. He’s been protecting her from that since day 1: he can’t fathom its possibility.

Oliver has paid a lot of prices, sacrificed so much of himself. And he’s lost things and people.

Her soul is the one price too high to pay.

Yet Oliver feels like everything he has touched, every person who’s into contact with him, has suffered because of him.

And now? …He feels what’s she doing with helix, how she’s behaving is because of him. A darkness that never comes out created by him. To Oliver, he has created this path of a deepening darkness for the woman he loves. Now he has to put up with what she’s been putting up with for years. And he doesn’t like it.

Drink it is:

Like a husband who’s argued with his wife, had his words royally and correctly thrown back at him and in the dog house. Big time!

What Oliver doesn’t realise is that light can alter over time. It can grow warmer or more distinct. Stronger. Can shift and shine a new way. A better way. A softer way. Some lights can draw weaker ones out and strengthen them.

Has anyone noticed the increased use of both purple and green this year on Arrow? Oliver’s and Felicity’s colours. 

Not a coincidence.

Originally posted by whoeveryoulovethemost

When he sees her for who she really is, when he finds out how her view of him – in walking in his shoes – has changed, has grown, when he discovers that his confession doesn’t have the affect on her he thought it would, when she actually gives him a new and brighter understanding of herself… he’ll see her light for what it is. For the beauty in it. And he’ll love her all the more for it.

I think he’s going to tell her – when their air is ruining out, whilst he’s hurt and she’s defenceless – his painful truth and he’ll be waiting for the worse case scenario reaction from her.

And… I feel like he’s going to be given the shock of his life. Or something to that affect. (Am I just desperate?)

Whatever happens, it’ll make him view her as an equal in every sense of the term – he thought he already did, but there was still that last layer of bubble wrap for him/her to pop.

And in walking in her shoes – in trying to move on, in watching her make the hard choices and being powerless to stop her, in being on the other side of the fence and being the one who doesn’t get listened to – his understanding and already super high regard for her will shoot past the stratosphere.

Like Wendy said:

“She’s been through something now, and she sees him in a different light — and he also sees her in a different light. There’s a lot more mutual understanding, and even though I think it’s hard to top the mutual respect they already have for each other, that goes up as well.”

Won’t be surprised if they leave the bunker shooting each other awed, heart-eyed looks and thinking ‘wow’.

Remember the song?

I am so sorry that I bothered you
Now I know why you have to hide
I didn’t know what you were going through
All I could see was my own sign

I will just fade away
I will let you be here
I won’t say a word until you come to me
Until you come to me
Until you come to me

They just tell me what you’re in there for
How could I know you did not say?
But now I know what I am living for
Tomorrow will be just another day

I will close my eyes
And I hear a quiet peep
I will wait in the shadows until you come to me
Until you come to me
Until you come to me, oh

Ah, sweet youth will all too quickly end
And we will never be this free
So all I ask is that we look again
Before we grow too old to see

I will fall alone
My elm was sweet and envy
Still I will be crying until you come to me
Until you come to me
Until you come to me, ah

Understanding. Readiness. Love. Trust. Heart.

I’ll be waiting for you. Until you come to me.

It’s a mutual thing (though I do think this refers to Felicity more than Oliver).

And then it’ll be almost as easy as falling, his new ideal. I think she’ll give him a new point of view. Or, at the very least, a way to see it differently.

Very soon they’ll be ready for each other. The right fit.

A hero for a hero.

Originally posted by klarolicityswan

She has to open the door but he needs to make her want to first. Strip each other down to the core.

And, come 5.22 (?) he needs step on through it all on his own.

They’re going to fall in sync.

And by 5.23 we’re finally going to breathe that breath of sweet relief.

Originally posted by 6pinky-winky

“Who I Am Inside” Part 9

A/N: I am soo sorry this took so long! I was literally dragging it out. B/S/O to @nothin-after-79​ for helping me proof read it before posting it! Love her so much! Please leave me your feed back and let me know what you think! Please also like and share! Enjoy! :)


I woke up with a start. My palms were sweaty and my knees were shaking. Terror coursing through my entire body as I visualized of what I just saw in my dream. My mother and my baby sister, lying on the floor covered in blood. I’m just standing over them. Tears streaming down my face as I watched my whole world shatter before my eyes. Watching them beg for mercy as the stranger has his go at them. I can’t do anything, as much as I try to, no one sees me. I call out to them as they continue to scream for help as I beg him to take me instead. The way my sister looked at me with her deep blue eyes for the last time is a look I will never forget. It will be a reminder burned into my brain of what I lost. Of what I can never have. To hold her in my arms again. To see her little body lying on the floor, lifeless, covered in blood, and her hand intertwined with my mom’s. It was all too much.

Nevaeh’s last scream ripped through my soul. I screamed out for her, trying to shelter her body from anymore harm. My baby sister, she’s gone. The woman who raised me, the one who I ran to for comfort, the one who I never thought would leave me, is gone. Then my body starts to fade, everything goes blurry, and I’m not there anymore.

“Hey! Hey! Y/n! Wake up! It’s just a dream!” Sam shakes me violently, until my body responds. I gasp for air, as I ran a hand over my sweat covered face. I was shaking like a madwoman, trying to grasp a hold on reality. Once I’m fully aware, I take in my surroundings. Remembering that I’m in my room at the bunker. My eyes meet his and I just break down. My eyes burning with hot tears, and my throat closes up as I try to let out a sob stuck in my throat. Sam consoles me and holds me in his arms for a few minutes. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. My breaths coming out harsh and shallow.

Once my breaths even out, I look at Sam. His eyes looked glassy, as if tears were in his eyes. “I’m here, Y/n. Don’t worry, it was just a dream.” Sam kisses my forehead and lays my head on his chest. The soothing beat of his heart helps me relax. I wipe my tear filled eyes and pulled away to look at the clock. 3:45 A.M. My heart plummeted. Realizing, that I probably woke him up.

“Sam, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you. You need your sleep, especially with the case tomorrow.” I said, trying not to make eye contact since I felt so guilty. “It’s fine y/n/n. That’s what big brothers are for. Do you want me to stay with you? Would that help you feel better?” I shook my head no. “No, you need your sleep. I’ll be fine. I feel a lot better now. Besides, this is a twin bed and it wouldn’t allow us to stretch out. You go, I’ll be fine. It was just a bad dream” I assured him. Myself probably more than him. He looked at me with a not convinced at all expression.

  “Sam, I’ll be fine. I promise.” I told him, not even believing myself. That didn’t matter though, only as long as he believed it. “Do you want to talk about it?” concern still etched across his face. I shook my head no again. “I don’t even want to think about it honestly. I’m just going to try and go back to sleep and forget about it.” I pulled the covers back over me and Sam got back up, and watched me.

Originally posted by heytheredeann

“Goodnight Sam. Again, I’m sorry for waking you.” He leaned down and gave me a hug. “Anytime, Y/n. If you ever need anyone to talk to we’re always here. Only a room away.” He walked to the door and opened it. Before he shut it, he turned off my light and told me “Goodnight”. I turned on my side and tried to calm myself before I shut my eyes, but every time I closed them, all I saw were their faces covered in blood. I reached out for Nevaeh’s pink blanket on my nightstand and held it close to me. The fabric catching all my tears.

My nightmares are getting worse. Every night I dreamed about them. Occasionally, I dreamed about Sam and Dean biting the bullet for me. It tore me apart from the inside out. I’m so afraid the same thing is going to happen with the boys. If it does, I don’t know what I’ll do. They are already like my family. They are the only people I have left besides Carter and Cas. I promised myself I would try to protect them at all costs. Even if that meant leaving the bunker, if the thing that killed my family progresses on towards us. They were too good of men to die in such a terrible way. I won’t let that happen.

Around seven, I decided to get up. I slept only for an hour total after that God awful nightmare. I made myself a bowl of cereal and sat down at the counter. My gaze is set dead ahead, as my mind wonders off. I try to focus on the case that Sam, Dean, and I are going on today. Cas took Carter with him, so the bunker would be empty while we are gone. I was so lost in my trance, I didn’t hear Sam sneak up behind me. He tapped my shoulder and I jumped, almost choking on the spoonful of cereal I just shoved into my mouth.

“You men and scaring people! I swear! Can’t you give a woman a break!” I half yelled. Sam put his hands up, meaning he means no harm. A smirk lingered on his face. “I just wanted to ask you if you got anymore sleep last night after that? I didn’t meant to startle you. It looks like you’re a bit on edge this morning. Do you still want to go on the case?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. I slept like a baby. I’m just a little irritable today. Of course I want to go on the case.” I said, as I took a sip of coffee. Sam dropped the subject. He must of known I wasn’t going to say anything else about it, but that didn’t mean he was going to stop worrying.

“Ok, so this case we are going on involves 3 guys who mysteriously died by drowning. Which I happened to find out that all three of them have something in common. They were all married and had kids. The drive is about 2 hours from here so it’s not to far. Dean said he would be back after filling up the impala. Then we will leave. I also got you your fake FBI badge” He handed it to me, and I took it.

“Scarlett Underwood.” Hmm. “Let me guess, Carrie Underwood and Scarlett Johansson.” I raised my eyebrow, and waited for his response. “Hey, at least It’s not Agent Beyonce!” We both laughed, I remembered the boys telling me all about the celebrity names Cas uses. It always ended up being a female pop singer.

  “Thank you, Sam. I’m going to go get ready. Be back here soon.” I walked to my room and grabbed my makeup bag. I went to the bathroom and put some on and straightened my hair. 30 minutes later, I went back to my room. I looked in my closet at all the professional outfits I had. I refused to wear heels just in case something happens to where I have to run. Plus, I can’t stand being in them for too long because my feet really hurt. I decided to wear some dark gray slacks, a dressy black tank top with ruffles at the front, and a dark gray blazer to match the pants. I picked a comfy pair of black dress shoes and grabbed my black handbag, then I headed towards the kitchen.

  As I entered, I heard Dean whistle. I looked over at him and smiled as he acted like he was checking me out. He took his coffee and then said “You sure do look purrty!” in a southern accent. I giggled and thanked him as he handed me a drink. “So you ready kiddo? It’s the big day? You nervous?” I took a sip of the coffee he handed me and replied back. “Pretending to be an FBI agent and hoping a whole bunch of cops don’t arrest me, this isn’t nerve racking at all!” I said sarcastically, while Dean chuckled.

Originally posted by dean-winchester-crush

“Just take it easy, once you do it enough it will become natural to you. Besides, you got it down pat.” He gave me an encouraging smile, and patted me on the back. “You guys ready to go?” Sam asked, carrying his bag to the garage. We both nodded and followed along. I sat in the back seat and rehearsed my lines in my head.

When we got to the house of the first dead husband, Sam and Dean gave me one last pep talk before we went in. I had my lines down pat and I felt confident. I shut the door to the impala and started follow Sam across the street. I looked both ways before I crossed. I saw a tall figure in the distance looking at me. He had messy black hair and a scruffy looking beard. He looked like he was in his early 50’s at best. I didn’t realize how long I was staring at him until Sam called my name and made a hand motion for me to follow.

The shadowed figure smirked at me before I turned to catch up with the boys. Once I was at the door, Dean asked me what I was looking at. I turned and pointed to the man I had saw, but he was gone. Sam gave me a concerned look. I just shook my head and told them it must of been all the coffee I had this morning.

I watched Sam and Dean go to work on Interrogating the woman. I stayed back and observed, wanting to watch them in action before I stepped in. I walked around the victorian styled home to study the pictures hanging on the wall by the staircase and saw all their memories. They had a little girl who was no older 7. She reminded me of Nevaeh with her beautiful, long hair. It almost brought tears to my eyes until I heard Dean call out for me.

“Agent Underwood, is there any more questions you would like to ask?” Dean asked, giving me a look. “Mrs. Hathaway, did you notice anything out of the ordinary about your husband up to the day of his death?” I asked, sympathetically.

“What do you mean out of the ordinary?” She questioned.

“Like, was he acting different towards you? Was his behavior the same? Did his relationship change any with his daughter? Also, do you know if he had any enemies?”

“Heavens, no! George wouldn’t hurt a fly! I wouldn’t know who would want him dead. Everyone loved him!” tears started falling down her cheeks, and she looked at the window.

“He did complain of being cold a lot, and he was jumpy his last few days. I just thought it was because of the job interview he was going on. So, I just blew it off. That was probably so stupid of me.” She revealed, as she let out a sniffle.

“Thank you for your time, Mrs. Hathaway. Again, I am so sorry for your loss.” She gave me a hug before she led us to the door. “Hmm, cold spots and jumpy behavior before he died. Sounds like we got a vengeful ghost here.” Dean said, as we walked back to the car.
“That’s what it appears to be, but now we just got to find out who and why before it kills anymore people. What do you think, Y/n/n?” Sam inquired, as both boys focused on you.

You were looking at an old journal you found on the floor in the backseat. It appeared to be worn down and the binding just looked awful. You opened it gently and your eyes roamed over the pages as they stopped at the name “John Winchester”.

“That’s dad’s hunting journal. He used to take that thing everywhere. You can look at it, if you want. It talks about almost every hunt he’s been on. It was very useful to Sam and I when we started hunting together by ourselves.” Dean smiled.

I thanked him and continued to look through it. Seeing all what was in it. After I passed the part about wendigo’s, a picture fell out. It was Sam, Dean, and John. They were all younger and the boys looked like they were in high school. John was smiling in the picture, but his smile didn’t meet his eyes. Dean looked liked he won the lottery in this and Sam just looked like he was upset.

“Did you guys ever get along with Dad?” my eyes averted from the picture to the back of their heads. Waiting for their responses. They both paused and thought for a moment. Dean opened and closed his mouth a few times. Trying to come up with a response. Sam beat him to the punch.

“Not really. He was just so absorbed in finding the yellow eyed demon that killed our mom, that he never made time for us. Sure, he dragged us along almost to everywhere he went, but he was more like a drill sergeant than a dad. Dad and I never really saw eye to eye since are both very stubborn.” Sam said, still looking straight ahead.

“Bobby was more like a dad to us than anyone. You would of loved him. A great hunter, awesome guy, and he knew just about everything with the lore. He was there for us a lot. I don’t know what we would of done without him.” Dean gives a sad smile. I could tell he missed him a lot.

Time flew after we went to the morgue and interviewed the other families. Sam and Dean were certain it was a ghost seeking vengeance. After I pulled an all nighter for research, we had a suspect. His name was Zachary Turk. He died 14 years ago when 4 teenage boys decided to go out for a drive after hitting a kegger. They accidently ran his car into a river and he drowned. The guys involved in the accident never told a soul about it, and promised to never speak of it again. Zach had an 8 year old girl at the time and a loving wife. I could see how he wanted to show the men the pain of being ripped away from their loved ones. All of the victims deaths dealt with water.

We saved the last guy on the hit list before he drowned. It involved me jumping in after him while Sam and Dean went and burned a painting of the guy. As I got the guy to the dock and helped him out, I felt myself being dragged under. I kicked myself out the spirits grip, but he was almost to strong for me. I fought my hardest, trying to get away, but it seemed like nothing was working. When I thought my lungs would give out from lack of oxygen, I saw the same figure as I did earlier near Mrs. Hathaway’s house. He helped me get out of it’s gripped and I finally reached the surface. I gasped for air and looked around.

“Y/N! Y/N Winchester! Where are you!” I heard Dean yelling frantically.

“Dean! Sam! I’m over here!” I bellowed. Dean caught my eye and jumped in after me, he swam towards me and pulled me in his arms. Holding me tightly, we swam back to the deck. Sam was waiting for us there and helped pull us up.

“You ok, Y/n?” Dean asked out of breath

“I’m fine, thank you for jumping in. It got ahold of my ankle and I think I sprained it. Did you get the remains?” I asked, as Sam helped me up.

“It’s over. You did great, kiddo! Your first case was a success.” He flashed me a big smile. I smiled back at him as he helped me in the backseat of the car.

“We will be right back. Dean and I just have to talk to this guy than we can head back to the motel. You get first dibs on shower, since you earned it.” he shut the door and walked back over to Dean.

I laid my head back on the headrest. Thanking God that everything turned out to be a success. My mind still wandered off to the stranger who helped me today, wondering who it was. Then I remembered something. I reached down and grabbed my father’s journal and looked at the picture. How could it be?

“So you figured it out, huh?” John smiled, as he was sitting next to me in the backseat. I was shocked to see my father sitting here beside. I was speechless.

“How? H- What?” I mumbled, trying to put the pieces together.

Originally posted by johnwinchesterappreciationblog

“I needed to tell you that I’m proud of you. For sticking it out with your brothers, and for not giving up when times got hard for you. I know I was not a good father, but I hope that won’t hurt yours and your brothers relationship. I love you, Y/n. I’m so sorry, for everything.” before I knew it, he was gone in a blink of an eye. I snapped back into reality as Sam and Dean got back into the car.

“So are you ready for a celebration with burgers and Netflix back at the motel?” Dean smiled as he buckled. I nodded, looking down at the picture in my hand of my father. Letting some of the anger go that I had towards him, as I lost myself in thought on the drive back.


@nothin-after-79 @mousehybrid @winchesters-favorite-girl @not-moose-one-shots @straightasdeanwinchester @deevvoon @fanboyswhereare-you @chrisevansthedoritobastard @emwinchester1 @hawkeyethenerd @jude-winchester-at-your-service

Starting a Webcomic

Toril has this wonderful project about creating a How-To Zine for making webcomics, and I think it’s definitely going to be important and extremely helpful for anyone intending to pursue webcomics in the future. I know I would have appreciated it a few years ago when I was a sort of noob and had little exposure to comics (generally) and no one to ask for help with or communicate with either. Every step of the way to making The World in Deeper Inspection was kinda like an improvised tap-dancing attempt emulating Fred Astaire, and I am still dancing with two left feet. So anyway, if you’ve anything to ask Toril or contribute to to their zine, give them an ask!

Starting a webcomic can be a very frightening thing! Like hah, everyone and their grandma seems to be doing it, so it shouldn’t be that scary right? Actually it’s only scary because you often feel very alone and that no matter how many how-tos and tutorials you seem to read you’ll never find reassurance in your ability to maintain let alone begin one. I used to be there too; I read so much about the artistic and technical parts, but never about the psychological mental parts of it that could prevent me from starting a comic at all, more so than finding a hosting service or writing.

Things I Realised Everyone Feels At The Beginning, So I Better Tell You Now:

Everyone who has made a webcomic has felt self doubt with their work, both in the beginning stages and even when their comic is successful. And that’s normal!!!

It’s important, especially as someone who is starting out, to realise that your comic heroes often feel the same way you do

Making a webcomic is a lonely job! Most of the time, unless you have a collaborator, you’re deciding to make everything yourself: from the writing to the art to the colouring and everything that normally takes a team to do in a big name company.  The problem is: you always have no idea if you’re doing anything right. You’ll always question yourself and wonder if you’re a hack. Is the story being told the way I want it to be told? Is the story boring to other people? Oh man this story is too long who wants to read this. Man my panelling sucks haha god. What IS THIS SCRIBBLE HAHA And so on and so forth.

That’s ok!! You’re free to think these thoughts; sometimes you need it to check if you’re on the right track or improve yourself. But you must NEVER EVER EVER let it cripple you. Never let it stop you from starting the comic, from moving on with the story, from believing in your work. If you’re always concerned about your comic, make sure you do everything you can to make your future pages and your future arcs better. Read tutorials, revise your story once in a while, consider making changes to future plot points in the story. A webcomic is a linear progression; the further along you go, the better you’ll get. You have to make the effort to go as far as you can.

And importantly, you must never use these thoughts to talk crap about your own work. For one thing, it’s annoying; secondly it puts some people off from even trying to read your webcomic (if you don’t believe in your work, your potential fans won’t either), further fuelling these thoughts to the point of astronomical negativity. Discuss your issues maturely, especially with your fellow artist friends who will get your situation, (we all always laugh about it) but remember; your comic is something you CHOSE to do, and you must respect your own decision. If you are always talking crap about your work, you are better off doing something else.

Things You Must Realise Before You Make A Webcomic:

1. Know it’s never easy and it’s never going to become easier
Comics are labour-intensive! I kid you not: the first 5 pages are hard enough, and though it gets easier the more pages you make, it still feels hard. A page can take up 30 minutes to several hours (no I am not talking about stickman comics) to finish, depending on your style and also your efficiency. Realise this asap and laugh-cry about it constantly. (welcome to Comic Hell)

2. Make sure you know approx. how long it takes to finish your webcomic (this is for long-form stories)
A lot of the time people have no idea how long their story takes. Sometimes there’s even no ending! Well you better think about it now and have some sort of vague idea because because webcomics are a commitment. You need to know how long you’ve to commit yourself, and if you’re able to do it. Having an approx guess at the lifespan of your work will help you mentally prepare for it. Because it’s gonna be long.
(in my case I’ve accepted it to be about 10 years. HOWEVER I think my comic is near the extreme; usually it’s about 1 - 3 years??)

3. You may not get fame or money for it
 If you’re very settled into the idea that in a few months everyone’s going to LOVE YOUR WORK and ASK YOU QUESTIONS and DRAW FAN ART and GIVE YOU MONEY, better leave some room in your mind to accept that it will never be the case, at least not instantly. There are many webcomics out there and it’s hard to get noticed. The webcomics you read and consider successful are very lucky indeed. Or even then it took them like more than a few months or years to get to the point that they are at now. Start slowly, expect nothing, and make sure despite all you are proud of the work you put up.

4. Just START. Just do it. Don’t wait
(throwing some numbers) 30% is planning (plotting thumbnailing writing drawing), 40% is starting it, 30% is continuing/finishing it
Many people get hung up about talking about their ocs or waiting until their art ‘is good’ that their story never happens nothing gets made. If you’re waiting until your art is good you’re gonna wait till God calls you back up to heaven
 
Because you’ll always keep getting better and better that you’ll forever view your current level as inept compared to the vision in your head. It’s like running towards the end of the tunnel but the tunnel keeps expanding and stretching and you will never get out of it. So since that’s the case you may as well start now. As I said before, webcomics are a linear progression. Every page you make is one step closer to realising the potential that it has, and that you have within you. Even if it doesn’t work out in the end, you’ll teach yourself many things that you wouldn’t have otherwise.

If I could compound all webcomic advice into one word, it’s just START.
That’s it. There’s no fluff to it, no special steps, no initiation ritual.

If you managed to accept all of these thoughts into your mind, then YEAHH you’re definitely ready!

My next post is about Taking Care of Your Webcomic (And Yourself). Basic ideas about what to watch out for, hiatuses, dealing with entitlement, and ending your comic.

anonymous asked:

Hello Petite Madame! You are an incredible inspiration to me, both as an artist and as a generally pleasant friendly person! I would like to ask, what would be your top 10 most important pieces of advice for artists?

Hi anon!

First, thank you so much for your kind message and seeing me as a source of inspiration. It’s always awesome to receive this kind of feedbacks ♥

Second, you opened the Pandora’s Box with your “10 most important pieces of advice”. I wanted to answer quickly but as people often ask me about this, this post will become my super big definitive resource to the question “P-m, any advice?” alongside this one. It’s long, it’s just MY two cents on the topic (YMMV, if you ask another artist, the answer will maybe be different) but I hope it will help. (Just remember that I am French, so sorry in advance about the Frenglish). Let’s go!

***

1- My NUMBER ONE ADVICE, sponsored by Captain Obvious: PRACTICE. I will never repeat it enough! There’s no magic recipe or spell. I tend to find sayings boring but “Practice makes perfect” is (unfortunately) true. You have this post floating around that shows the evolution of some fan artists’ works through the years. These artists didn’t reach this result because they drank a magic potion or something but because they worked their asses off so practice, practice, practice. Never stops.

 2- Follow tutorials (because practicing is good but you have to practice in the right direction). We are in 2014, you have TONS of resources online (you little spoiled brat!), on websites like Deviant Art, YouTube or even on Amazon if you prefer/can afford books. If you start directly on a piece of paper without knowing any basic rules, you’ll end up drawing a guy that vaguely looks Mister Magoo whereas you wanted to draw Dean Winchester in a sexy pose. And YES, there are rules (anatomy, perspective, colors, etc..) and YES, knowing them is important. It’s like driving a car. You learn about the Highway Code and how the brakes and the clutch pedal work before hitting the road. If you jump behind the wheel without any knowledge of all these things, you are gonna end up straight into the first wall in front of you.

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I have been quiet since Cote’s departure of NCIS and I’m definitely not going to make this about what I think or don’t think at all here. But seeing how Michael Weatherly and Anthony „Tony“ DiNozzo are being treated in this whole mess, I’m losing my good will to stay quiet so I’ll leave this here on my blog now.

I loved Tiva and I liked the Ziva character a lot. Cote is a fine actress and so on. I try to respect everyone and every opinion and let people do whatever they think it’s the best for them. But whenever I read posts or comments from people about this situation with Cote and how the show has gone „downhill“ without her, I’m having a hard time to find that respect to be honest.

1. Michael Weatherly does not depend on Cote de Pablo
2. Anthony „Tony“ DiNozzo does not depend on Ziva David
3. NCIS does not depend on Cote de Pablo and Ziva David

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