i have just ruined my life again by making this

2

So the cast of RFA Party PH’s RFA Cafe has taken over my life and ruined my work schedule but I have no regrets because I love them all… and they inspire me, okay??? Thank you guys for making our days brighter long after the end of event! I drew their out of costume group photo as their characters cause I thought it’d be cute~ and aren’t they just as gorgeous out of costume? haha again… Thank you guys for what you do for us. ♥

break the chain

happy birthday @carryonsimoncarryon!!

length: 3.7k

genre(s): angst+fluff

triggers/warnings: none

simon and baz get in a fight during 7th year and end up magically handcuffed together 

a/n: thank you @cherryonsimon for ur beta skills and brutal honesty :p AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY BAILEY!!!! ENJOY BEING OLD 💜💜

(if the readmore doesn’t work then just click the url and it will take you to the post ^__^)



Simon

“I don’t think we should see each other anymore.”

My jaw drops and I stare at Agatha. She doesn’t look like she’s joking, and I start to feel sick.

“What?”

“I want to break up.”

“But–but why?”

“I just don’t think we’re good together,” she says, like her words aren’t devastating. Like she hasn’t just unraveled all of my plans for our future together.

“But…but I love you…” I say, a bit pathetically, and her face hardens.

“I’m not doing this because I don’t love you, Simon. I just don’t want to be with you anymore.”

I don’t know what to say to that, and she’s not listening anyway. She’s looking at something over my shoulder and I turn around quickly to see what it is.

It’s Baz.

He gives her a lazy wave and a wink, and when I face her again she’s gone pink.

“Him?” I say incredulously. “You’re breaking up with me for him?”

“What if I am?” she says, and I feel my magic starting to rise. She takes a step back, looking scared. I curse and try to force it back down.

“Agatha,” I say, but she’s still moving. “Agatha! I didn’t mean it!”

She spins on her heel and walks off, leaving me behind in the hall.

I’m sure I look like a fish out of water; students are leaving the classrooms and everyone’s giving me a funny look. I’m still fighting to keep my magic under control and I only have one thought on my mind: this is Baz’s fault.

* * *

Baz had somehow disappeared after my confrontation with Agatha, so I go looking for him. I eventually find him lurking in an unused corridor–the one with the room where the Crucible is stored. Surely Baz isn’t daft enough to try and mess with it. He must have some other scheme planned.

I don’t care what it is, I don’t care about anything else right now other than the fact that Baz has once again ruined my life.

I’m attempting to sneak up on him when the sole of my shoe squeaks, and he whips around.

“What do you want, Snow?” Baz spits, and I rush forward without thinking.

“This is all your fault!” I yell as I shove him, “if you’d just left Agatha well alone she wouldn’t have broken up with me!”

He looks confused for a second and then smirks. That makes me angrier, so I shove him again. Harder. This time his head makes a satisfying crack as it hits the wall. I rush forward with my arm pulled back, ready to punch him. He moves to block me and our hands collide in mid-air.

I feel a shimmer of magic around my wrist and my stomach drops. Baz must have cast something too low for me to hear, and now…well, I’m not really sure what he did until I look at my hand and see the shiny metal bracelet. I don’t realize what’s happened at first; Baz tugs his wrist and mine comes with it.

Merlin’s tits, I’m fucking handcuffed to Baz. What is he planning to do to me? This must be one of his schemes! He’s going to…he’s going to…

Well, I’m not sure what he’s going to do, but it probably involves me and a pair of handcuffs.

“What the hell, Baz!” I growl, “let me go!”

He looks indignant. “I didn’t do this!”

“Of course you did!”

“Crowley, Snow, do you really think I’d attach myself to you on purpose?”

Baz

The air starts to fill with smoke, and I realize it’s Snow. Shit, I should have known this would happen. He’s going to bloody go off. I’m tempted to poke him as I usually do–because I know he’ll just shield me–but I finally give into my urge to just…help him.

“Deep breaths now, Snow,” I say, and his head snaps up. He narrows his eyes at me, but I keep going; keep holding his gaze. “Let it go. Some of it. Before you start another fire. Whatever–fuck!”

Snow shoves me into the wall for the second time today, only this time he comes with me and I’m hit from both sides.

“What was that for? I was helping you, you numpty!”

“I don’t need your help,” he snarls.

“Fine!” I spit, “let’s go find you someone else then!”

Keep reading

7

Not so long ago someone asked me something that sticked with me. 

“If you could talk to a younger version of yourself, what would you tell them?” 

My birthday and reaching the status of “legal adult” Has left me thinking a lot about what happened and what will. 
So i drew this little comic just to tell my future self that i have escaped hell and if i ever get back there, that i’ll escape it again. 
I’m proud that i managed to overcome something that ruined my life so terribly when i was young. 
I am grateful of the friends that i have and had, the ones that sticked with me and the ones that did not, because i have learned a lot from each other and they have helped me grow as a person. 

So to every single person that has talked with me or exchange simple hi’s. 
Thank you for making my world a brighter place and helped me escape the hell pit that i dug myself. 
It has been a life changing thing for me. 
I appreciate all of you. 
Thank you.

Hamilton Act II: A Summary

What’d I Miss: french fry is back, this time with jazz

Cabinet Battle #1: my talents include looking snazzy, quick comebacks, and eliminating all chances for friendship upon first meeting people

Take a Break: I will try to get away *doesn’t try* well I did my best I think

Say No to This: let’s play a game called ignore the ensemble

The Room Where It Happens: I’m going to continue my theory of “maybe if I just stand here nothing bad will happen ever” but this time I’m going to be standing next to senators

Schuyler Defeated: I’m sure he already knows *looks out window to see Alexander lighting Burr’s house on fire*

Cabinet Battle #2: you must be outta your gODDAMN MIND

Washington On Your Side: salt squad assemble

One Last Time: you’re all exhausting I’m taking a permanent vacation try not to kill each other

I Know Him: *gets out a bucket of popcorn* I’m ready to watch your life fall apart

The Adams Administration: in addition to dressing snazzy, having quick comebacks, and being bad at making friends, my talents also include getting fired and not handling it well

We Know: it’s a good idea to tell a bunch of people who hate you something they could use to ruin your life

Hurricane: we’ve established that I don’t make very good choices but just in case you don’t get that yet I must do another stupid thing

The Reynolds Pamphlet: oh shit wait I shouldn’t have done that maybe

Burn: these letters are on fire and you will be too if you mess up again aka FEELINGS

Blow Us All Away: “what if he shoots me” “why would he do that, here take some guns see you at dinner”

Stay Alive (Reprise): get ready folks, once the tears start they aren’t going to stop for a while

It’s Quiet Uptown: no more politics for me they ruined my life

The Election of 1800: ok maybe just a lil bit more politics what could go wrong

Your Obedient Servant: shit that’s what could go wrong aka sass

Best of Wives and Best of Women: meeting means both meeting and gun fight apparently

The World Was Wide Enough: shooting your friends generally results in the realization afterwards that it was a bad idea

Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story: if you thought you were done feeling things you were WRONG. feelings time lasts until you’ve run out of tears

Mon-El Defense Squad Part 2

Guys, guys, GUYS. I have had it with this fandom. I am angry and pissed and just fed up. As someone who doesn’t get angry over much, that should say something. So here I am again to defend my precious space puppy.

Mon-El is lying to Kara: Now look here, I am sick of hearing this thrown around like it is the worst thing in the world that Mon-El is keeping a secret. Okay, stfu and sit down before you hurt yourself. Is Mon-El keeping a secret? Yes! Is that wrong? No! I’ve said this before but I will say it again. By that logic, Clark should not be with Lois. Winn should have stop being friends with Kara after finding out she lied to him about being an alien. Alex and Kara should have hated J'onn for lying to them about who he is. Kara doesn’t deserve Lena Luthor *gasp* because she lied to her face about being an alien and destroyed her alien detector. The double standards in this fandom are disgusting. Grow up. Everyone keeps secrets. No one has the right to your life story. You choose who you let in to have that privilege. Also, if the theory of Mon-El is true, what good would it do for anyone? He’s the Prince of a dead world. He believes he is the last survivor. How would knowledge of him being Prince change anything? It wouldn’t. He’s changing and adapting to Earth and it’s customs without bringing up that he was royalty, therefore should be treated better than all else. Honestly, this argument is just pathetic.

THE FOLLOWING MIGHT BE TRIGGERING FOR SOME VIEWERS, PLEASE BE ADVISED I WILL BE TALKING ABOUT ABUSIVE AND TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS AND MY OWN PERSONAL ASSUALT

Mon-El is abusive and his relationship with Kara is toxic: Fuck you for saying this. Honestly, fuck you. I have been triggered so much this past month by your hatred for a character that it disgusts me. The only thing keeping me afloat are my therapy sessions. So, fuck you. Mon-El is not abusive. Is he arrogant, selfish, and does he have an ego? Yes. But that is how he grew up. That was his culture. He is changing and becoming better. He respects Kara immensely. When she says no (when dealing with her as a person), he respects the shit out of her wishes and steps back. He does NOT guilt trip her into making her love him. You want to know what guilt tripping is. When your assaulter makes you question whether what they did was in fact wrong. When the family of said assaulter wants you to forgive and sympathize with him and TALK to him because he’s going through a tough time. That is fucking manipulative and making me feel guilty for being FUCKING ASSAULTED. SO FUCK YOU FOR MAKING LIGHT OF A VERY SERIOUS ISSUE. Mon-El has constantly apologized without any prompting and has taken responsibility for his actions time and time again. He says he is in the wrong and he is learning. He is changing and growing as a person and pushing back years of what he knew to change to be something better. AND THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS NOT TOXIC. Let me say it again, their relationship is NOT TOXIC. Do they fight? Yes. But they leave and learn from it and then come aback together stronger than before. That is called GROWING UP AND DEALING WITH CONTRASTING OPINIONS LIKE ADULTS. He is not throwing tantrums when they disagree (like so many in this fandom moaning and groaning for not getting what they want). He speaks his mind, listens to Kara, and when they leave to cool off, he thinks about what was said. And he learns from it. You know what is toxic, my assaulter acting like nothing terrible happened the day after it did and then FUCKING ASSAULTING ME AGAIN. THEN FOR THE NEXT TEN YEARS PRETENDING NOTHING HAPPENED AND WANTING TO BE “NORMAL” WITH ME AFTER HE RUINED MY LIFE. THEN WHEN I FINALLY AM ABLE TO ADMIT AND DEAL WITH WHAT THAT DID TO ME HE FUCKING DENIES AND ASKS ME DIRECTLY WHY AM I LYING. THAT IS TOXIC AND I FINALLY CUT THAT PART OF MY LIFE OFF FOREVER. Do NOT make light of very serious issues. It is demeaning to those who have been through it.

AND I WILL SAY THIS AGAIN, JUST BECAUSE YOU HATE A CHARACTER (WHATEVER UNFOUNDED OR WELL FOUNDED YOUR REASONINGS ARE) DO NOT SEND FUCKING HATE TO CHRIS WOOD. HE IS AN ACTOR GETTING PAID TO PLAY A ROLE. HE IS AN ADVOCATE FOR MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS AND IS WOKE AS FUCK ABOUT SO MANY ISSUES. SO BACK THE FUCK OFF OF HIM.

Undisclosed Desires (part 5)

Words: 2.1k

Summary: TFW discuss learning about your past as you catch up with Lucifer.

A/N: More canon divergence. Let me know if you’d like to be added to my mater tag list.

—————

“Cas, you’ve been pretty quiet back there. You ok?” Dean asked from the drivers seat of the Impala.

Castiel remained silent and stared out the window. Part of him understood why you didn’t tell him and he wished he didn’t care; but how could he not care. Not only were you nephilim, but you were the spawn of the devil himself.

Keep reading

@bolkonskayamary: Hi! Could you do #28 for the fitzsimmons prompt thing? Thank you!! 

Oh dear. This is so late. However, now I’m done with finals and I’m back on the prompt game! So, here it is. Hope you enjoy!  

#28: “Stop apologizing,”


It wasn’t the first time he said it. The first time he said it he said it through a sob, her cheek resting on his shoulder blade, his tears gradually soaking her knee.

It wasn’t the second time he said it. The second time he mumbled it out in one breath, his eyes red from tears, his persistence in avoiding all eye contact pricking her heart.

It wasn’t the third time he said it. Jemma asked him about the experiments in the Framework, and through his first brief explanation he uttered out the word like it was a part of his day to day vocabulary.

It wasn’t the fourth time, when Jemma was battered and bruised, Fitz coming to check on her, knowing there was nothing he could do.

It wasn’t the fifth, on their way home. Or the sixth, as they dragged their sore and healing bodies to their room. Or even the seventh, when they curled up in bed, Jemma curling into his side without any expected resistance from his side – him breathing it out as he kissed her hairline.

No, it was the eighth time. This time he said it with a firmness in his voice, his hand holding his packed duffle bag, tears streaming down his face. “I’m sorry, Jemma, but…” he managed out.

It was this time that Jemma could no longer stand to hear that word used – as if it was his fault, his doing, his intention.

It was this time that she said something in return.  “Stop apologizing.” Jemma wrapped her arms around her ribcage, parking herself right in front of the door.

He shook his head, his neck craning over, as if in shame. “I can’t.” He said in such a hushed tone. “I… I don’t expect you to say you forgive me, or say it’s okay, but I have to –”

“You’re right, Fitz. I’m not going to tell you I forgive you.”

Fitz looked up, his teary eyes meeting hers. He looked thrown off, clearly not expecting this kind of reaction. “Good.” He rasped out.

Jemma let out a scoff then, taking a step closer to him. “I’m not going to tell you I forgive you for something you never did, Fitz. You are not that man, you are not the cause of what happened – and I refuse to give into your self-hatred and tell you I forgive something you were never to blame for.”

Fitz searched her rich, auburn eyes, his soft blue pouring out in his irises. His eyes felt more violent and tortured than she had seen them in a long time, and the emotions emitting from them were crippling. At last he broke their gaze to look down at the bag in his hand, and he let out a shaky breath. “Okay.”

He started for the door, but Jemma wouldn’t allow it. She caught his hand and held on tight, pulling him back to her. “You’re just going to leave, then? Just like that?”

“You … You deserve better, Jemma.”

Jemma’s eyes narrowed. “Don’t you dare tell me what I do and don’t deserve, Leopold.”

Fitz might’ve rolled his eyes, if the circumstances were different. Instead, his eyes filled with pity. “Jemma, please,”

“No, Fitz,” she let loose of his hand so she could turn herself to him completely, gripping it again before he thought he could try to leave. “I make my own choices; I make my own decisions. You always told me what you thought was best for me in the end, but I never listened. Why? Because I chose for myself – I always have. But guess what, that changed when we committed to each other. We’re a team if you like it not, Fitz, and not lab partners and teammates of SHIELD, but in life. We promised each other that. So no, you don’t get to make my choices for me, we make them together, as a team. And I for one do not agree with this absurd notion that you have to separate yourself from me because I deserve better.” She let out a whimpered chuckle, her voice choking on sobs. “Fitz, there is no man better than you than … you.”

Fitz watched their hands, linked together, just like the two of them have been for a decade. Tears stung his eyes again, knowing he ruined that, and it wasn’t anything he could have done about it. He demolished a decade of friendship and love in a blink of an eye.

“Jemma … I’m sorry, but –”

“I swear Fitz, if you apologize to me one more time.”

“What else do you want me to say?”

Anything! Lord, Fitz, anything but sorry. An explanation, a joke, a memory, an ‘I love you’, a bloody ‘I’m hungry’, anything but that. Because no matter how hard you try for this to all be your fault, it’s not Fitz…” a cry escaped her throat, her letting their hands fall limp to their sides, free from each other’s grasp. “I am.”

“W-what?” Fitz took a stumble back; his whole being stunned by her ridiculous confession. “Jemma, how could you even think that-?”

“Because, Fitz, it is. I dragged us out in the field. I pushed you to think beyond your limits. I encouraged you to bond with Radcliffe. I was the very reason you felt the need to build AIDA. I was the one absent when you needed me most, forcing the team to resort to desperate measures like the Dark Hold. Don’t you see? We could have been perfectly content for the rest of our lives, side by side, in a safe lab where we could help people together, through what we know and love. But what did I do? After years of spending all our time together, finding something so much more than just friendship, I ripped us apart – and for what? Adventure? Fitz, I should be the one apologizing, not you.”

“Jemma, you … this … none of this was ever your fault.”

“Sound familiar?” Jemma gave him a roll of the eyes, despite the tears flooding them. “You talk of you not deserving me – but how I see it, it’s the other way around.”

Fitz looked down at his hand again, the handle held on with a tight grip of his fingers. Fitz then dropped it to the floor and sat himself at the end of the bed, his face buried in his palms.

Jemma gently sat herself beside him, saying nothing. They sat there together, in silence, before Fitz decided to speak.

“I don’t…” he mumbled into his hands. He balled them into fists, looking at Jemma to say, “I don’t know how to fix this … Us.”

She shook her head, giving a small shrug. “I don’t either… but … in the past, if there was a problem we couldn’t fix on our own, when we came together we could fix anything. Whether it was damaged or shattered into pieces, we could always work it out.”

Fitz gazed into her eyes, his stare speaking more words than anything they had said thus far. “Together.”

“That’s all I ask, Fitz. Let me in – let me help you. Please.”

Without saying anything else, Fitz pulled Jemma into his embrace. It threw off Jemma, knowing most hugs were usually initiated by her – especially recently. But she never in a million years would resist. Instead she squeezed him tight, holding onto him like he was all she had left.

He didn’t pull away, he didn’t stand up and pick up his bag and leave, he didn’t argue or tell her all of this was never her doing. He knew it was pointless, and Jemma knew that somewhere in Fitz, he knew it was right. She couldn’t help but think of where their life would be now, if she hadn’t coaxed Fitz into the field.

Perhaps they’d be married, baby number two on the way.

Or, perhaps, Fitz would have never had the courage to tell her how he felt. Perhaps he would have never realized his feelings, until it was too late.

Perhaps they would have never been together at all, a thought that made Jemma shutter.

Fitz let out a heavy breath, Jemma feeling the heat of it brushing past her back. His hold on her tightened and he whispered to her, “I love you.”

Everything in Jemma felt relaxed at those three words. Her stress released from her being, and with a content smile she nuzzled her face in his shoulder, whispering back: “I love you, too.”

It wasn’t the first time they said it, and it certainly wasn’t the last.

And from then on, Jemma stopped counting the “sorry’s”, and started counting the “I love you’s” instead.

Send me an ask with a number from my prompt list here!

PD101 S2 Imagine: Daniel Kang

Genre // Fluff // Romance

Plot // Visiting your boyfriend on the set of PD101

Y/N // Age: 19 

Note (for myself): Daniel is from MMO with the other boys (Yoon Jisung, Choi Taewoong, Kim Jaehan and Joo Jinwoo) He also has a soft spot for Lee Woojin

 Narrator POV

It became a habit to check your phone every morning, reading the sweet texts from your boyfriend, Daniel. Sometimes, he’d throw in a joke or two. You always reply with a kissy, heart, or laughing emoji. Today was special, though. You were going to visit Daniel on the set of PD101. Your cousin also happens to be a stylist for the boys, so you’ll be meeting her there. 

Y/N POV

The cab driver smiles politely as I close the door and start walking toward the set. When I spot my cousin, I wave and she grins while running over to me, engulfing me in a hug. 

“Hey Y/N! Daniel’s over there~” She croons while pointing. 

“I see, I see,” I laugh while looking over at him. He’s smiling while messing around with Jisung, the two of them laughing. “Are they going to start filming soon?” 

“They already filmed a little, but they’re taking a break right now.”

“Oh, okay.”

“Go say ‘hi’~”

“Ah, but I don’t want to bother-”

“Daniel!”

All of a sudden, Daniel and his friends are looking back at me. Daniel’s eyes widen as I grin and playfully punch my cousin’s arm. She giggles and runs off as Daniel seems to be taking in the fact that I’m here. I wave as he keeps staring, still amazed. 

“Yah, Kang Daniel, if all you’re gonna do is stare at me, I’m going to leave,” I say while walking towards them. 

“HI Y/N!!!” Taewoong greets while waving excitedly. Jisung and Jaehan wave super obnoxiously with goofy grins while Jinwoo smiles as a greeting. 

“At least Taewoong and the others are happy to see me.”

I hold my arms out for Daniel as he gets out of the chair he was seated in. He embraces me and I smile while embracing him back. I feel his lips press on the top of my head.

“I missed you so much, Y/N,” he whispers. 

“I missed you too,” I tell him while pulling back to look at him.

He smiles brightly and I smile, too. His smile always has a way with my heart. I caress his cheek and ask if he’s okay. He nods and I hear a few snickers behind Daniel. I glance at the guys and Taewoong just smiles innocently while the others are teasing us.

“Please kiss somewhere else,” Jaehan says, laughing not long after.

“Aish, do you guys want to die?” I say while glaring at them.

They all mock being afraid and Daniel slips an arm around my waist while kissing my temple. “Don’t mind them.”

“When are you guys going to start filming again?” I ask him.

He frowns. “In less than 20 minutes, but I want to be with you for the rest of the day. I’m thinking about just leaving with you right now.”

“What? No, you have to stay here and film babe. Don’t worry, I’ll be okay.”

“Are you sure? We haven’t been on a date in a while… And I want to spend time with you.”

I sigh and look around. The staff roamed around, talking to the other PD101 boys. I finally look at Daniel and sigh.

“I want to spend more time with you too, but you can’t leave. This is important. I can wait. I’ll always be here for you.”

Daniel frowns and takes my hands, gently rubbing circles on top of them while biting his lip in thought. He sways our hands a bit and I try to catch his eye. He finally looks up at me.

“Fine… If it makes you happy,” he tells me.

“It does. I don’t want to ruin your dreams of becoming an idol, Daniel.”

 “You won’t ruin anything okay? My dream of being an idol is important, but even bigger than that is living my life with you.”

Daniel pecks my lips and smiles. I feel my face heat up instantly and I shyly smile. He chuckles and pulls me in for a hug again. 

“I’ll just hang out on the set and watch you have fun with the guys,” I tell him. “Enjoy yourself, babe.”

Daniel sighs as someone calls out for him to get onto the set. “I love you, Y/N.”

“I love you too.”

We hug again and he hurries off towards the staff, who are also prepping the other boys. I notice a few guys walking towards me. 

“You’re Daniel hyung’s girlfriend?” One of them asks. Oh, I know who this guy is. Samuel Kim, the kid that used to be with SEVENTEEN.

I nod in response, and then the one in the middle suddenly introduces himself. 

“I’m Lee Daehwi. Daniel talks about you all the time.”

Daehwi… The kid who looks like Chenle and Taeil. His statement makes me blush and I ask them what he says about me.

“Only good things,” the last boy replies. 

“And you are… Lee Woojin, right?”

The boy nods cutely, and I giggle. “Well, you guys should get going. Filming is going to start soon.”

“We will, we just wanted to meet you~” Woojin says cutely, making me smile even more.

“Your name is Y/N, right?” Samuel asks. 

“Yeah it is. I’ll be here after to hang out, so I’ll see you guys later.”

“Bye Y/N~~” Daehwi and Woojin call out while going towards the set and waving.

I laugh and wave back, looking for Daniel. I spot him talking to Jisung, who is being a meme, as usual. When they start filming, my cousin strides up beside me and smiles.

“So, how was it?” She asks, glancing at her phone.

“Good, but then he got a bit upset because he wanted to spend time with me,” I reply. “I told him I’d always be here and that he would never lose me.”

“Aigoo, you two are so cheesy.”

“Oh my lord, please, you’re into that kind of stuff like in those k-dramas.”

“Why do you always have to expose me?”

“Why else would I be your cousin?”

She rolls her eyes and focuses on the boys. For a moment, she’s completely silent, but then she’s smacking my arm.

“What the hell are you doing?” I whisper so no one around us pays any attention.

“Daniel. Daniel. Look.”

I look up and spot Daniel smiling at me, and suddenly, the director and producers are calling out ‘cut’. 

“Daniel, are you okay?” Somebody within the staff asks. 

“I’m fine…” He replies.

“No goofing off right now.”

“Yes sir…” 

Daniel gives me a quick glance before they start filming again.

“Nice job,” I tell my cousin, jabbing her in the ribs.

“Y/N, I was just pointing him out for you because you seemed focused on somebody else.”

“Mhm.”

“Let me see your phone.”

I hand her my phone and a couple of people from the staff look at us. I politely smile and they just turn back towards the set. So much for being polite.

“I knew it.”

I turn to my cousin, who mocks surprise on her face.

“You like Park Woojin, Bae Jinyoung, Kenta, Justin, and Ong Seongwoo?”

I feel my face flush and snatch my phone back. “Don’t tell Daniel.”

“So much for a lasting relationship.”

“Oh shush.”

For two hours, they filmed bits and pieces for the next episode. During those 10 minutes the boys got for a break, I only saw Daniel once out of those five breaks. He hugged me and we talked for a few minutes before several stylists whisked him away. I even saw the other MMO boys more than him.

“Don’t worry,” Jaehan told me during their last break. “We’re done in half an hour. We get to go where we want to for tonight, but we have to return to our dorms by tomorrow morning.You and Daniel can go out on a date then.”

“Thanks Jaehan,” I said, smiling a bit. 

Although I wasn’t able to see Daniel much, I’m happy with the comfort from my cousin and the other boys.


Finally, filming was over. The boys dispersed, leaving me searching for Daniel. I spotted Taewoong and said hi. I accidentally run into somebody, and out of all people, it’s Ong Seongwoo. I quickly apologize, and he tells me its fine. 

“Are you looking for Daniel?” He asked me.

“I froze and for a moment, just stood there. Then, I nodded. Seongwoo points towards the back of the building, where the waiting rooms were. I quickly hurry over there and check in each waiting room. When I pop my head into one, I spot his head of newly dyed hair. He looks up at me and gets out of his chair. 

I take a step and he’s already scooping me up into his arms. 

“Let’s go,” he whispers, leaving a kiss on my cheek.

“Where do you want to go?“ I ask him, burying my face into his chest. 

“Let’s go to your place… I miss cuddling with you.”


And so, the night led to cuddling on the couch, watching reruns of Hello Baby, Running Man, and Hello Counselor. Later on, Daniel had set his alarm for early in the morning so he could get back to his dorm. During an episode of Weekly Idol, he fallen asleep, and I let his head lay on my chest as I played with his hair. Before I let my eyes close, I turned the TV off, kissed his head, and whispered, “I love you, Kang Daniel.”

I let my head rest against the couch and just before I fall asleep, I heard him speak softly while taking one of my hands.

“I love you too, Y/N”



A/N: @sparklingpurifying GAHHHHH I’M SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG!!! T^T But I hope you enjoyed it because I have slowly fallen for him :) This is a special PD101 request (even though I am an SF9 acc.). I may be writing one for another PD101 member for my best friend :)

anonymous asked:

Ok so you should reallyyy do 25 with Michael. Please😬😬😬😬

You can feel Michael’s stare on you as you stand at the bar, knowing he’s silently seething twenty feet away.  It’s a feeling you’ve accepted comes with a night out with your friends.  Michael and you have been at odds since you met, and your annoyance with each other only increases when alcohol is involved.  But given the two of you share many of the same friends, you’ve spent more time together than most enemies.  Your friends have grown used to your bickering and given up on trying to make the two of you behave, save the rare special occasion.  Tonight’s been exceptionally nasty between the two of you.  You’ve been hurling insults at each other all night, and your friends were actually starting to get angry with you.  You couldn’t help it, he brought out the worst in you.

“Well congratulations,” you hear his voice behind you. “They’ve left us here now.  You’ve really outdone yourself.”

You groan and pinch the bridge of your nose, wanting more than anything to hurl your drink at him.  But you paid for it yourself, so you find it in you to leave it on the counter as you turn to face him.

“Are they actually gone? Why the hell would they do that?” Your last exchange had been pretty venomous, but you didn’t think your friends would bail on you.

“They were sick of hearing your insults.  Said we’d have to find our own way home.  They’ve gone to another club.”

My insults? Really? They left you too didn’t they?” you roll your eyes and turn back to the bar, throwing back as much of the drink as you can before brushing past him and heading for the door. “I’m calling an Uber.”

Keep reading

24 May 2017


[The Scrapyard with Robert and Aaron

ROBERT: *Phone Rings* *Annoyed Face* What do you want? Scratch that. I know what you want. You want to bully me into telling Aaron the truth.

ROSS: It’s just a little pressure for your conscience. Don’t forget 10 grand by 6.

ROBERT: I don’t need your De Niro act right now Ross or your ‘pressure’, I’m probably gonna tell him anyway. *Sees Aaron* But not yet, so…gotta go. Hey Aaron! *looks shifty*

AARON: Hey! You look shifty, what’s up?

ROBERT: Just the Plot, what else? Are you tired of it, cause I am.

AARON: Yeah, I am, but…let’s throw in some cute banter for the fans.

ROBERT: Right. *Cute Banter Alert* Tricky client then, tough negotiator, you know the type.

AARON: Yeah I do, seeing as how I live with one (for the moment). I’m sure you’ll get your way eventually, you always do.

ROBERT: I’m not so sure. *Guilty Face*

Dale View with Robert and Ross]

ROSS: You’re spineless!

ROBERT: You’re a blackmailer! 

ROSS: You’re bisexual…haha…*Fandom Outrage Alert*

ROBERT: You’re jealous!

ROSS: Am not!

ROBERT: You shot me! Yeah…I do remember that.

Keep reading

LOOK AT THE FACE OF THIS MAN WHO IS GONNA RUIN MY LIFE YET AGAIN

MY HEART FLUTTERS WHEN I SAW THE VISUAL EARLIER AND I WAS LITERALLY CLUTCHING ON MY CHEST LIKE, I AM IN LOVE, SO IN LOVE, I HAVE FALLEN IN LOVE YET AGAIN WHAT THE FUCK

SASAKI YOSHIHIDE, EVERYONE, MY KAMI-OSHI

anonymous asked:

josie u okay? Im getting worried here

no. not really.

I might as well use this as an excuse for a PSA or life update or whatever.

I’ll be clear: if you ship rei.ner/gal.liard, I don’t want to interact with you. please unfollow my blog. if we’re mutuals, please softblock me.

If you think I’m being too overdramatic over a ship, then fine, you are entitled to your opinion.

I wish this was as simple as disliking a ship because I dislike a ship, but it isn’t. I’ve already been forced to explain myself publically on twitter yesterday, but the tl;dr is: I find this ship very upsetting on a personal level to the point that content for it is making me feel mentally & physically ill. I need to put my well-being first

s.nk means so much to me. it’s my main hobby and i’ve devoted a lot of time to it. but it’s getting to the point now that it’s being ruined for me.

This is me trying to control the situation. if I can make it so I never have to see content for that ship again, it would help. but I’m not sure it will help. just knowing it exists makes me feel extremely uncomfortable. I feel like my time to leave the fandom and s.nk is fast approaching.

I really wish I wasn’t upset, but I can’t help it. I wish I could go back in time and change all the bad things that happened to me so I don’t feel this way now, but life isn’t that simple.

I’ve also switched off anon. as s2 has progressed the number of asks (especially anons) I get every day has become overwhelming. I don’t have the time or energy to reply to all of them and now i’ve got a huge backlog that has built up over the weeks.

I feel like I’m letting a lot of people down right now, and I’m sorry for that. But at the same time, I know I have to put myself first, so I’m trying to take measures to protect myself from content that triggers me.

anonymous asked:

omg please do the "please sign this petition to make our selfish dick of a landlord lower the rent and refurbish the lobby! what do you mean you ARE the landlord? fuck." AU omg it would be so cute

THIS WAS SO FUN TO WRITE YESSS 


Every part of Nico wanted nothing more than to shove the notice of the raised rent so far up the landlord’s ass, he would taste just how full of shit the notice was.

“I’m honestly five seconds away from bursting into the one Rent song,” Hazel muttered beside him. Nico gave her a confused look. “You know there’s this whole number where they sing about how they won’t pay their rent.”

“Or,” Jason intervened, “we could make a petition. I’m pretty sure we’re not the only ones upset with the raise in the rent. Plus, I heard some people complaining about how bad the lobby looks for guests that come to visit. We could add that.”

Nico scoffed. “Jesus. Not only does the douchebag raise the rent, he doesn’t even have the initiative to make the place look nice.” He rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. “This is ridiculous. How many signatures do we need for that petition?”

Jason pulled out his laptop and searched. “It says we can choose. I say we get at least half of the apartment leasers. What’s that, about 300 signatures?”

“We could each take a hundred,” Hazel nodded. “We give it to the landlord and if he needs more, we get more.”

That weekend, Nico, his sister, and Jason worked together on how to speak to those in the apartments and how to get their position across. Nico didn’t think it’d be difficult getting people to sign. The rates of the apartments were starting to get so high, he wasn’t sure he’d have enough left over for bills and food. Being an adult sucked. And it sucked even more when other adults wanted to be dicks and increase the rent every three months.

When Monday came and Nico got off his shift, Hazel and Jason joined him and each took on a different floor to ask for signatures. Nico took the first, Hazel took the second, and Jason took the third. That should have gotten them most of the signatures, if things went well.

And they did. Several apartment owners didn’t even need to hear past, “Hello, sir/ma’am, I and a few other residents are collecting signatures to lower the rent-.”

Nico was feeling good. He’d gotten three sheets filled which was nearly sixty signatures. As he knocked on the next door, he could already imagine barging into the landlord’s office and shoving the petition in his face.

The door opened and Nico had to remind himself to close his mouth. The man standing against the doorframe looked like a supermodel.

He had honey golden hair and bright blue eyes, freckles splattered across his nose and cheeks like art, almost blending into the tan colored skin. He looked young and so absolutely perfect Nico had forgotten his reason for knocking on his door.

“Yes?” the man prodded.

Nico blinked and pulled himself out of his reverie. “Sorry,” he chuckled. “I’m a little tired.” He cleared his throat. “Anyway. Sorry to bother you, but my friends and I are starting a petition to get the rent lowered.”

The man furrowed his eyebrows. “Really? How come?”

Nico blinked in confusion. Did he really need an explanation? “Well… because it’s ridiculously high right now. It’s not sensible to ask for so much in rent when the damn lobby isn’t even in good conditions. We’re paying all this money to live in a shithole, and it’s time we did something about it.”

The guy smiled and leaned further against the doorframe. “Well, maybe they’ll fix the lobby. What’s the landlord say?”

“Nothing,” he answered. “The asshole is unreachable and I highly doubt he’ll fix anything because he’s a selfish dick that thrives off the payments of residents such as yourself more than likely to pay for his mansion and Jacuzzi or something.”

The man tilted head and frowned. “But… you just said he’s unreachable, how would you know that?”

“I don’t for sure, I mean it’s an assumption….” Nico was starting to feel uncomfortable. Why was it so hard to get this guy on board?

“Right, assumptions,” he mused. “Well, have you tried to contact the landlord?”

“Uh, no,” Nico admitted. “But I mean I already have sixty almost seventy signatures, and my other friends probably do too. It can’t hurt to lower the rent.”

The man puckered his lips, a gesture that distracted Nico momentarily until he said, “Huh. Well… try contacting the landlord about this and then get back to me with what he says. Then I’ll think about signing your petition.”

The beautiful blond smiled and shut the door, leaving Nico dumbfounded and offended. His signature wasn’t exactly necessary….But Nico was a prideful man, and the fact that this asshole neighbor didn’t want to sign only made Nico determined to get his signature.

He walked briskly down the hall and pushed the button to the elevator. He went down to the lobby and straight to the customer service desk. “Excuse me, can you tell me how I can contact the landlord?” he asked.

She furrowed her eyebrows. “Uh sure. One second.” She stood and went into an office. A few minutes later, she came back and gave Nico a paper with 1311A scribbled on it. “He’s not in the office right now, but I called and he said he didn’t mind if you paid a visit.”

“A visit?” he repeated.

She nodded. “His apartment.”

Nico raised his eyebrows in surprise. Who knew the guy lived so close. “Okay, thanks.” It was much easier than Nico had expected to get the information. He went back into the elevator and started down the hall, checking each apartment number until he reached a door with 1311A.

He knocked on the door and bit his lip. When it opened, he felt the earth sway beneath him. “Oh hey, you’re back,” the blond from before said with a smile.

“Holy fuck,” Nico muttered. One of the blond’s eyebrows perked up and his jaw clenched. All friendliness gone. “Y-you’re the…. You’re the landlord?”

“You mean the asshole selfish dick you were talking about earlier? Yep. Pleasure to meet you.” Nico gulped and felt his cheeks burning. As the enticing blue eyes looked him over, his face softened a bit. “Come inside, let’s have a talk.”

Numbly, Nico followed him into the apartment. It was just like his, maybe smaller since Nico shared his with Hazel. This one seemed to be a one room apartment. But it had the same tan, stained carpet, the same linoleum tiled floor in the kitchen, the same chipped wood at the counters, and even a missing drawer knob, the same burners on the stove, the same spider-web-thin cracks in the corners.

“My name’s Will.”

“Nico,” Nico answered softly, taking in the apartment. Will walked to his fridge and pulled out two cokes. He handed one to Nico and led him to the dining room to sit. “Uh…. I’m really embarrassed, if that… at all makes up for some of what I said.”

Will rolled his eyes and opened the soda can. “Honestly. I’ve heard everyone complain about things, but none of them have ever tried to reach out to me.” He shook his head and began chugging the soda. Nico’s eyes were drawn to his Adam’s apple as it bobbed up and down with each gulp. Then he quickly looked back at his eyes as he spoke. “I’m a grad student. I’m studying to be more than this. I inherited this shit job when I was twenty-two, because my dad couldn’t handle it anymore. Okay, I know the lobby is not nice to look at. I know the apartments all have major issues. I’m trying to work on them. I can’t do that on my crappy budget. I have loans I’m paying, I have tests to study for because graduate studies are not easy, okay? So yeah, I raise the rent to try and save enough to fix this place for everyone. Once that happens, the rent will go back down. I’m living here too, I’m paying expenses, I’m struggling too.”

Will’s face had turned a rosy color with his rage and Nico took a deep breath. “I mean… you have to understand, you don’t exactly reach out to anyone either. Everyone assumes you’re some old guy in a mansion three cities away bathing in money.”

Will scoffed. “I wish.” He glanced at Nico and smacked his lips. “Do you think they’d take me seriously if they knew who I was? I’m just a kid to most of them. Almost all the renters are at least five years older than me.” He shook his head again and sighed. “This is so stressful. I can’t have a normal life because I’m so worried about not ruining everyone else’s while also trying to make them better. And what do I get out of it? People knocking at my door unknowingly telling me I’m a dick.”

Nico slumped in his seat. “I’m sorry about that. I really am. I didn’t know.”

Will sighed and looked away. “Yeah, I know. It’s fine. I’ll try to lower it some, but I really need to get enough to fix everything people have left complaints about.” He rubbed his eyes and sighed. Nico bit his lip and chuckled softly. “What?” Will asked.

Nico figured he’d already embarrassed himself as much as he could, so he may as well top it off. “I’m just thinking… I probably blew my chances at asking you out to dinner, huh.”

Will pulled his hand away and his wide blue eyes widened as they looked at a very flustered Nico. Nico grinned sheepishly and to his surprise, Will’s cheeks turned red as smiled and bit his lip. Then he said, “You know, you should really stop making assumptions.”

a few reflections on Jane and Kurt in 2.20

1. 

Originally posted by mrsfefeninja

2. This was a really really really good episode. I mean it was an almost flawless episode. And that means the Jeller was also flawless.

3. But how can you say that, Yas? Didn’t you see how horrible things are now between them? Yes, yes I saw. But still this is good.

4. This is as good as the “more than anything” scene. There I said it.

5. Why am I writing this in a numbered list? There is absolutely no reason for me to be doing this.

6. And yet here we are… but yes, Jeller. Oh the Jeller. In all their angsty angsty beauty.

Keep reading

depression and anxiety takes away ur favourite things for no reason and never lets u enjoy them again, they ruin friendships and make u have a huge guard over your heart and the intentions of every single decision u make in ur entire life….it makes u mean to people when u were just needing someone……they control ur life and it is absolute hell to live as a shell of a person u remember yourself being

The Dinosaurs Will Turn to Dust

 *shows up to my own fic 15 minutes late with starbucks, wearing sunglasses*

heyyy….

i’m so sorry this is late!! one of my coworkers had to go back east because her mom’s in the icu so i’ve been working overtime lately…hopefully she’ll be back soon and my hours will kinda normalize.

okay, disclaimer: i have no idea how fast drugs would show up in a urine test. that, i am happy to say, i have never had to find out. having said that, i figured most drugs absorb into the bloodstream fairly quickly, and since your body is constantly filtering your blood to remove toxins which are then expelled through urine, a few hours would be leeway enough. let’s just pretend i know what i’m talking about. 

on the other hand, i’m actually kind of happy with an ending?? for the first time in forever?? *closes eyes and crosses fingers*

(i’m gonna try and get this crossposted on AO3 soon, when i have the time and the motivation hyoop)

enjoy!!

part one here / part two here / part three here / part four here / part five here / part six here / part seven here

Originally posted by ayeohwesterburg

~~

Veronica was hanging upside down on the monkey bars at the park by her house, giggling as she felt the blood rush to her head.

“I haven’t done this in forever,” she laughed, and JD smiled at her, one eyebrow arched.

“You look ridiculous,” he told her, and she grinned.

“I know,” she replied. “It’s fun. You should join me.”

“I don’t think so,” JD teased. “I’d spill our slushies.”

Veronica rolled her eyes, sitting up so she was on top of the monkey bars and grabbing onto them for support as her world blurred for a second.

“Ah, yes,” she said, “we can’t have that.”

She jumped lightly to the ground, leaning up to kiss JD as she took her slushie from his hand.

“Hey, don’t knock it,” he breathed, and she smiled.

“Of course not,” she chuckled, kissing him again briefly before pulling away and making her way over to the grass. She collapsed onto the ground, staring up at the sky as she saw JD sit next to her.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do,” Veronica sighed, letting her happy smile fade away. “I guess I just have to accept the fact that my social life is ruined and do my best to protect Martha from the worst of the fallout.”

“Don’t say that,” JD replied, frowning slightly. “We’ll figure out how to make them stop. Our love is God, babe.”

Veronica wrinkled her nose and squinted up at JD.

“What is that supposed to mean?” she asked, confused. He shrugged and took a sip of his slushie.

“Nevermind,” he said, and Veronica decided to let it slide as she sat up and took a long drink of her own slushie, wincing at the now-familiar pain of the brainfreeze.

JD laughed at her, pulling her into his lap.

“You’re adorable,” he told her, and she scoffed quietly, eyes dancing.

“No, you’ve got it wrong, babe,” she said, casually intertwining their free hands. “You’re the adorable one here.”

“Hey,” he protested, chuckling as he kissed her nose. “I’ll have you know, someone once called me a Baudelaire-quoting badass, and she looked smart so I think I believe her.”

Veronica grinned, resting her head on his shoulder.

“I love you,” she said, and felt him kiss the top of her head.

“I worship you,” he breathed, and Veronica felt her heart soar.

They spent the rest of the day talking and laughing, and as they made their way to Veronica’s house from the park, she could have sworn her feet didn’t touch the ground at all as she held JD’s hand.

Veronica fell asleep quickly, nestled securely in JD’s arms. She didn’t wake as he slipped out the window and walked to the payphone down the block, dialing a number he hadn’t used in years.

“Hey,” he said as the voice on the other end greeted him. “What’s the going price for steroids these days?”

~~~

Veronica woke the next morning to JD humming as he read a thick book, sitting in the chair at her desk.

“I could wake up like this every morning,” Veronica greeted, sitting up and rubbing her eyes as JD grinned, dropped the book on the desk, and made his way over to press a gentle kiss to her lips.

“I thought of the perfect way to get revenge on Kurt and Ram,” he said happily, and Veronica smiled.

“Oh yeah?”

He held up two bottles. Veronica took one and read the label, furrowing her brow.

“What’s…methandrostenolone?” she asked, cocking her head to the side.

“Steroids,” JD said casually, and Veronica’s eyes went wide.

“JD, do you have any idea how much trouble they would get in for this? They could go to prison,” she hissed, and he shook his head with a fond smile.

“Relax,” he said. “The label’s fake. Those pills are just your common garden-variety ibuprofen. We’ll plant these in their gym bags, make it look like they’re taking drugs, but everything will come back clean, and they’ll be the laughingstock of the whole school.”

Veronica blinked as a smile spread across her face.

“You’re a genius,” she said, leaning up to kiss him once more.

~~~

Veronica straightened her skirt anxiously and knocked on the door of the locker room, knowing that Kurt and Ram were the only two in there.

Kurt swung the door open, squinting at Veronica.

“What do you want?” he asked, and Veronica held up two mugs full of green smoothie.

“Well, I wanted to thank you,” she said sweetly, “you know, for showing me such a good time at the party, and I know you guys like protein shakes, so I made these for you. It seemed fitting that I help you keep your…manly physiques.”

Kurt raised his eyebrows, but Ram had made his way to the door and grabbed a mug.

“Hell yeah,” he grinned, grabbing one mug and downing the whole thing in one go.

Over his shoulder, Veronica saw JD, who had entered quietly through the other door, slip one bottle of pills into each boy’s bag.

“Oooh,” she said, looking back at the two jocks. “That was impressive…but I bet Kurt can’t do that.”

Kurt’s chest puffed up angrily, and he snatched the other mug and threw it back even faster than Ram had. Veronica pretended to swoon.

JD gave her a thumbs-up and slipped out of sight, and Veronica smiled at the two boys in front of her.

“Well, I’d better be going,” she said, “but hey, maybe we should spend some…quality time together later.”

Kurt and Ram nodded, and Veronica forced a giggle, stepping back to let the door swing shut.

“Later,” she cooed, and the door shut. She heard one of them tell the other to “punch it in” and rolled her eyes, turning around and making her way out to the football field to meet up with JD.

While she had been distracting the two of them, he had gone to the football coach and faked concern for the two, telling the coach he suspected drug use, before sneaking into the locker room to plant the bottles.

She grinned as she saw him, relief and happiness spreading through her whole body.

“I can’t believe we just did that,” she giggled, and JD grinned.

“I can,” he said. “I can’t wait to see their faces when they realize what we’ve done.”

They sat on the football field for a while, talking as they watched the clouds.

Almost three hours had passed when a siren whooped from the parking lot, and Veronica craned her head to watch as two uniformed officers made their way into the locker room, followed by a man holding two plastic cups and some paperwork.

“What’s he doing?” she asked, and JD hummed, turning his head to look at the man.

“Oh, those are drug tests,” he said. “Looks like the instant-result kind too. They’ll know in seconds if it’s positive or negative.”

Veronica waited anxiously as five minutes ticked past.

The door burst open again, and Veronica squeezed JD’s hand as Kurt and Ram were led out in handcuffs by the two police officers, followed by the coach and the drug-test man.

“Wait, what?” Veronica gasped, watching as the drug-test man said something to the coach. Kurt and Ram were unceremoniously helped into the back of the police cruiser, and it drove off.

She heard JD laugh, and whipped her head around to look at him. He looked back with a gleam in his eye that scared her.

“What the fuck did you do?” she demanded, and he bared his teeth in a chilling approximation of a smile.

“Don’t worry, Veronica,” he soothed gleefully, a hint of hysteria dancing in his tone. “They won’t be able to hurt you for a long time.”

“You lied to me?” she screeched, not caring who heard. “Those drugs were real?”

“Of course they were,” he laughed, and Veronica shuddered at the manic glint in his eyes.

“This will ruin their reputations,” Veronica cried. “They’re going to have a drug conviction now, and they’re…wait, how did the drugs even get in their systems?”

“I made those smoothies,” JD chuckled. “Easy enough to slip a few ground-up pills into it.”

Veronica’s jaw dropped, and she could only stare. He rolled his eyes.

“This is a good thing,” he reassured her. “Now they won’t be able to hurt you anymore. Our love is God, Veronica.”

He pulled her into a hug, and she let him hold her, not knowing how he’d react if she pushed him away like she so desperately wanted to. She wanted to rage and cry and scream, but she stayed silent and motionless.

“Our love is God,” JD repeated, squeezing her arm.

“Our love is God,” she echoed back, and felt him laugh as she fought back the urge to scream.

I Need You

i wanted to be the one that was there for you forever. i wanted to be yours until the day i died. i wanted to have you for the rest of my life. i would still do anything for you, through all of the pain and all of the bullshit, i would still go to the ends of the earth for you, and thats so fucking scary to me. even after youve hurt me, ripped out my heart, stomped on it, and told everybody i was the worst person youve ever met, i would still go out of my way just to see you smile at me. just to look down at those beautiful brown eyes and see your smile. see my world. i had plans for you, i had plans for us. i knew what i wanted to do with my life. i knew what i wanted to do after high school, where i wanted to go to college, who i wanted to do it all with, and where i wanted to move and who i wanted to do it all with. i wanted to move on that fucking island with you. jesus i was so fucking in love with you that i have no motivation to even wake up and go to school because i know ill see your face and ill feel my stomach drop and have the need to just fall to my knees and weep. id still do anything for you. im sitting in my house, in my room, doing nothing all fucking day. i dont even want to move, i dont want to get out. i just want to die. i feel like without you, i no longer have any purpose in this world. and that hurts so fucking bad. id do anything for you baby..id do anything. id take my own life just to see you smile one last time, and thats the scariest thing to me. im so in love with you, even after you hate me, that i would do anything, and jesus i mean anything just to make you happy. i cant stop crying. i cant even get out of my fucking bed. i feel dead. i feel so fucking lost without you. ive never been so sad in my entire life. its as if my will to do anything left when you did, and with that, goes my universe. im crushed, im so fucking crushed. its as if ive hit an all time low, rock bottom, and ill always carry these weights with me my entire life. these chains that im tied to you. and as i sit at home, in my room sobbing over you, i know youre out there happy. youre getting out, youre talking to other people, you actually have the will, have hope to do anything. ive lost all fucking energy to do anything. i just sit in my room sobbing over you. ive been crying day in and day out for three weeks. sitting in my bed sobbing. its gotten so bad that  my fathers even come back into my life because hes worried. and when a man who hasnt been in your life for 17 years comes into your life because hes worried about you, you know youre fucked. im fucked. im so in love with you that without you i have no more faith. in myself, or in anybody. ill never get over you. and tomorrow night, ill be laying in my bed sobbing even more, because ill know youre out at prom, having fun, while all i can do is cry over you. i have no more hope. ive lost everything. ive lost everything.. ive put everything into you, and now that youre gone, im gone. i cant do this anymore. its too much to see you everyday and want to just sob over you. i hate myself for this. all i need is to talk to you. jesus i feel so dead without you. id do anything for you, and that has me scared shitless that im so in love that id do anything even after all thats happened between us. ill love you forever, and the worst part about it, is ill be telling my kids about you. ill tell my kids that i had this girlfriend in high school, and that i still love her more than i love their own mother. i know for a fact ill never love again, itll all just be lust. my heart belongs to you, and youll have it forever. nobody else will ever have it. nobody else.. ill never stop loving you. jesus i want to drop out of high school entirely because the thought of it makes me think of you. im willing to ruin my entire life over you, and maybe thats what i need to do. ill spend an eternity in hell for what ive done to you, and that eternity will be my soul and heart being torn as i watch the one thing ive ever cared about be happy without me. i feel so gone. so dead.. so useless. my parents were right. im just useless. im a piece of shit. im an asshole. but she is..she is still everything i wrote a year ago. but what i am, i am a man, im not a man. i am a boy who is dead inside, and will always love you. id die for you..id do anything for you. say the words and i would do it. anything baby..id do anything for you. and i hate myself for that. i hate myself for loving you. i hate myself for losing you. i fucking hate myself. i want you, and i would do anything. i cant express that enough..anything.. ill never forget you, and i know that because this pain in my heart will never leave. my soul has been crushed. my world has been crushed. im so fucked..i have so much hate for myself that the love i had for you equaled it out. but now that i cant love you, the only thing in my heart is hatred for myself, and the memory of the love i used to be able to express for you. i miss you.. i fucking miss you and the only thing in this world that could make me feel whole again would be to see your smile..your lips on mine..the sound of your voice..god i hate myself for letting you go. you left. call it what you want, bottom line youre gone and i have no will to do anything anymore because of it. i cant remember the last time i laughed, the last time i smiled. but i can remember the sound of your voice, those eyes, your hand in mind. i remember. and ill never forget. i never want to forget, because the love i have for you is the only thing that makes me feel like a human being and not a fucking monster. i love you. i love you so much. i love you. baby.. goodbye my love. its been so long, but for you, it was time. ill never find a time to get over you. ill never do anything without remembering you. im so sorry..and im so in love with you. i love you so much. all of the things ive been doing lately dont feel the same. even crying without you doesnt feel the same. i hate it..but i love you. even my writing feels worst. this letter or, whatever this shit is, it doesnt feel good. its a mess, but its my genuine thoughts. i need you right now.. nobody will ever compare to you, and i never want anybody else. ill never forget. fuck.. im sorry. i love you baby.. i love you. goodbye.. you are the love of my life, and you always will be. she will be loved, and loved i made sure to do. ill never stop loving her, even when shes with another, ill still love her. all my friends are worried about me. my family. jesus even random people at school are asking me. i guess ive started to look how i feel. im scared that ill never stop loving you, but the truth, i never want to stop loving you. because something as beautiful as the love i have for you, is something special. almost as special as you.. i dont know how to end this. i dont know where to end this. theres so much on my mind. i didnt know one person could have so much impact on me. i didnt know the topic of one person could make me write non stop over her. you were the love of my life. and now i understand the meaning of it. ill love you for the rest of my life, even when i never see you again, ill always think of you. ill always dream of you. ill always love you. ill always fucking love you. i get the meaning of love, and to me, the meaning of love was you and i together. ill never get to experience that again. ill never forget you. and ill never be the same without you. i love you so fucking much. i am in love with you.

ok anyone with tinnitus listen up

so i’ve been having tinnitus for about a month (or more) known this is just my way of coping with it and actually making it stop a bit

so for starters i had the same thoughts as anyone else with tinnitus 

“i’m never gonna hear silence again”

“it’s gonna ruin my life”

“it will get worst” etc.

but please don’t think that way AT ALL. the thing i do is basically trick my brain i guess you can say hehe. what i do is i tell my self “yeah i may never hear silence again but that’s ok, it might even get better” think positive things don’t panic or have anxiety attacks (like i have done) because you have to remember tinnitus is your nerves that is messed up and it’s already in overdrive so panicking, feeling nervous, having anxiety will only make it worst because the nerves will act up even more

another thing is (and i want you to do) is just walk around your house for a moment and listen to the noises you hear coming form electronics, machines, nature sounds, etc. notice how everyday those are noises that’s naturally tuned out, that you don’t even notice? treat your tinnitus like that. now I’m not saying it will happen in a day because It will take time but pretend your tinnitus is the refrigerator  sound or a sound from your laptop etc, i pretend my tinnitus is the air conditioner it it helps! my tinnitus is tuned out and even before bed it’s like nothing to me so now I’m catching up on sleep :) just don’t think of it as tinnitus think of it as “that noise i hear in the background everyday that i never notice”

another thing is distracting yourself! try everything you absolutely can to distract yourself from it. at night i use  often read or will just think about the most random things or i would close my eyes and imagine things. i would even pinch my arm and think like “no, don’t think about tinnitus!” lol i would scold myself. mostly i would listen to music, get on the laptop, dance, sing, beat box (I’m so horrible at it XD) whatever just to take my mind off of it. 

so i do that and noticed it’s like i forget my tinnitus for DAYS. always remember that you have a life, don’t let tinnitus control it or hold it make. overcome it

if you guys have any questions about tinnitus or questions about my tinnitus please just inbox 

I want to say that I’m over my ex, but I’m not. I’m definitely getting there, I’m a lot happier than what I was and I’ve been taking care of myself. I started eating right and going to the beach and started hiking and I just got a gym membership so I’m gonna start on that too. I’m healthier and I feel stronger and wiser. But also so much older and tired and sometimes cynical, sometimes bitter. I hate that. Im afraid to make friends I’m afraid to talk to men I’m afraid to do a lot of things bc i just don’t want to hit rock bottom again. Im not letting him ruin my life anymore, I’m not gonna let him hold me back bc he doesn’t have that power over me anymore. But I’m still coping, I’m still healing you know. I don’t understand how someone can tell you they love you and make it clear how scared they are of losing you and say how they’ll never leave you or get sick of you and then throw you to the curb like you’re nothing but trash. How they were once so sweet to you, your favorite person, your best friend, and then the abrupt change happens and they become so fucking awful and cruel. Call you names, talk down to you, make you feel worthless and embarrassed, use you up for sex and money and drain you of any life you had left. I’m only 19 and I feel like I’ve lived a full life of only trauma after trauma and I’m angry. Im so angry and I’m so tired. I am sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. Thanks for reading ¯\_(ツ)_/¯