i have given myself the feels

2

hi pretties 🌷💕

may is almost over kids, which means i have waited all of mental health month to share own my story! when i first started this blog, i mentioned that i had some issues in high school but i never really shared about them.

i got depressed for the first time when i was a sophomore. i didn’t have much friends and i was painfully shy so i had a really hard time socializing with anyone but the few friends i already had growing up. not being given much attention made me feel a little insecure, sorta like i wasn’t good enough. i had never been confident, and i developed a habit of comparing myself to other girls. because of this, i became extremely self conscious about my looks, especially my body. at this time, i was at a healthy weight; i didn’t overeat and never in my life was i overweight, but comparison and insecurity got the best of me.

it started with me wanting to lose just a few pounds. i didn’t have much knowledge about healthy eating and weight loss, but simply eating less was how it began (this is also when i started running). overall, i just wanted to look and feel more fit. what i didn’t realize was that i was becoming obsessive about it. i wouldn’t finish meals or i would skip them; i stayed away from certain foods, even foods i used to eat all the time. i even tried counting calories everyday, how much i was eating and how much i was burning. i thought i was doing myself good, but by the time i was early into my junior year, “a few pounds” became 20. this made me feel tired, depressed, even scared of eating like a normal person. all i remember from my junior year and the summer after is being unhappy with my life. i tried to fill the void with guys, partying, being around people i shouldn’t have been, and on top of all this i was completely faking my confidence; i’d cry because i hated myself then walk into a room and act like i loved myself more than anyone.

when senior year rolled around, i knew i had an eating disorder. i knew that i was unhealthy, and if i kept doing what i was doing, i was going to end up in the hospital. that was the year that i started trying to overcome these habits (notice i said TRYING). when i made the decision to start recovering, i had no idea that it would be so difficult. my weight began to go up and down, and it got really frustrating. some days i felt genuinely happy with my body, but other days i felt awful. i was proud of myself, though, because no matter how hard it was, i never let myself starve again. 

the end of my senior year and that summer is a story for another time. but i went through a lot and i met people who helped me become who i am today. i also found out that i am a lot tougher than i look! i’ve become truly happy with who i am, and i am genuinely myself again. i am able to run because i like to run, not because i’m trying to lose weight. i eat whatever i want, whenever i’m hungry (so cake). and although anorexia doesn’t consume my life anymore and i’m healthier than i used to be, i’m still recovering from those painful two years. sometimes i have my bad days, but i always end up finding a way to pick myself up.

so if you’re still reading (thanks💕), please remember to take care of yourself, whether that means staying alive another day or simply eating breakfast. and i don’t care if it feels like the whole damn world has given up on you, don’t give up on yourself. your life is worth so much more than that asshole in your head that keeps telling you you’re not good enough.

so there you go friends, my first personal story about my mental health journey! thank you for those of you who stuck through it all, i know i’m not the best writer in town but i like to tell stories! 🙆🏻
(another thanks for your support)
🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷

I’ll never forget the most valuable piece of advice I was given, “if you feel like you can’t make it through the day, only focus on the next hour. If you feel like you can’t make it through the next hour, only focus on the next few minutes. If you feel like you can’t make it through the next few minutes, take it one breath at a time.” I have to remind myself that, you’re gonna be okay, try to see through the cloud of doubt that is harboring all of the negative energy. It’s gonna get better. You are not alone. You are loved. So many people care about you, and want to see you happy and smiley. It’s okay to feel like this. Your feelings are valid. It’s okay to feel nothing at all. You’re not going to feel like this forever.

Hayley Kiyoko takes LGBTQ+ positivity to the next level. Like she gets it, she wants to show and be realistic about the feelings that LGBTQ+ people go through. She’s making a music career out of something positive, not what people think growing up LGBTQ+ is, it’s not what the media wants us to see, it’s not covered with a golden cape it’s real. Its believable and that’s why it connects and helps so many LGBT+ people who listen to her music. Without her music I defiantly wouldn’t have accepted myself, I’d never been able to explain how I felt before. Shes given us a voice. Even if no one else is listing it helps us LGBTQ+ girls and women connect. It makes us feel less alone and less down on ourselves. She gives queer women a voice and that’s why she’s so amazing and inspiring. She makes us feel safe in who we are and that’s pretty damn special and unique in an artist.

And I tried. I tried to be beautiful in a way that caught you off guard. I tried to be smart without having to use a calculator. I tried to be funny without having to think of some stupid joke to say. I tried to be sexually experienced for you. I tried to have all my shit together. I tried to figure what I wanted in life. I tried everything just so you could look at me the way I look at you. I tried to be something that wasn’t me and even when I tried all theses things it still wasn’t enough to make you look at me. It still wasn’t enough to make you want me. It still wasn’t enough to make you love me. Never again will I ever be something other than myself for a guy. Never again will I betray the body I was given. The home that I hated for so many years and treated like shit. Never again will I put a mans needs before me because really men ain’t shit. They do not home a person for 9 months just to go through extraordinary measures to bring that tiny human into the world safely. They do not bleed for a week and have extreme pain just because they aren’t pregnant. Women do not open their hearts and hips and birth a child when it feels like every bone in their body breaking and more just so a man can decide if she’s the one he wants for the week. My point is, do not ever settle for a man that does not see you as magic and more. Women are not ordinary. We did not give birth to civilization just so we could be treated like shit.
—  You not wanting me was the beginning of me wanting myself. // love, heartbreak & everything in between.// deeply feeling series

I looked through our conversations when we used to be on cloud nine and in love, these were the times you told me how lucky you are to have a girl like me, how thankful you are because you never received such love I was giving to you and whatever happens, you will never let me go. The words you said mean everything to me and it stabs my heart, realizing that these words mean nothing anymore. I can’t help myself but to cry my heart out till the sun has set. The pain is too heavy to bear, the love I believed to be true and different was gone. We used to be over the moon, but the present tells the opposite. This is stupid of me to say but, I won’t deny the fact that I miss you so much. I love you, I still do. But somehow, I’ve come with the thought that I can’t do anything anymore, I need to let you go because it’s the right thing to do. I’ve decided to finally move on and this would be the last time I would cry over you because there was nothing left to hold on to and I can’t hold on to something that doesn’t want to be held.

I’m sorry. I’m sorry because I was the reason why you let things end. I’m sorry for the terrible mistake I made, I never blamed you for deciding to end this because you were hurt and I understand. I only have myself to blame. But, I was hoping you would’ve understood, that I did it for us. I always feared the day would come, the day you will finally won’t take back the words you’ve said. I’m sorry for the other things that have hurt you, for the things that made you cry, jealous and mad. 


Thank you. I’m thankful that I met you because you have given me a temporary bliss. I laughed and smiled because of you. Somehow, you made me feel loved and beautiful in a short period of time. Thank you for the good days: the days we felt unstoppable like we’re flying high, when holding your hand felt like home, leaning on your shoulders made me feel secure and hearing your voice sound like the angels are singing. It was worth it, being loved and loving you. Thank you for making me realize how capable I am to love someone. You proved forever within a number of days. You were the greatest and worst thing ever happen to me. 


Goodbye. This will be the last time that I will write you a message, I’ll accept the fact that some things are meant to end, even though I used to believe that you won’t let that happen. I did everything I could to make you stay, but I guess your life no longer includes me because, you’re happy now and I can see that clearly. You already found a love that’s all the things ours couldn’t be. I hope you find overwhelming joy by her side, I hope she won’t hurt you and make you cry. I hope for the best for the both of you. It hurts but I’ve accepted the painful truth that I am just a distant memory now. I don’t regret loving you, but what I regret is that I let myself believe that this would last.


I won’t forget you and the memories, I will always keep you alive in my heart. I’ll just get used to not having you in my life anymore. Deep within my heart knows getting over you won’t be simple. I need to stop loving you so I can start loving myself again. You were a painful blessing, but you were also a great lesson. I guess you’re just another chapter of my life needed to end. I still and will pray for your safety and happiness even though I’m in pain right now, I still believe you deserve the best. I hope you find everything in her that you couldn’t find in me. You will always be my greatest love.

—  S.L // unsent last message
You changed my life in so many ways; You gave me a reason to live, you filled my emptiness and replaced it with so many good things that no one else could’ve wished for. I cannot wish myself anyone better than you. You have made the previous things in my life mean nothing compared to what you have given me. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I still feel that way every single day even if we are arguing with each other from time to time, because I know the truth deep down in my heart. I will always take care of you, look after you and always be there for you through everything.
—  Poets Love Her
The love interests through the mains’ phones

SKAM is a multimedia/cross platform show, so it only make sense that how characters interact with their friends through social media is important.

I think we’re getting important information through how the mains have been naming their love interest in their phone (I’m skipping Eva because she was already dating Jonas and therefore had him as…Jonas).

Noora had Dickhelm as “Willhelm”, the name she used to neg him. The name she kept in her phone as a way to “neg” the feelings she had for him. During a big part of the season, Noora lied to herself about her feelings for him, refusing to call him by his given name (which I understand…I couldn’t even make myself call him by his name in this meta).

Isak had Even as “Even Kosegruppa” showing how he didn’t know his family name past. He didn’t know where he came from.
Even when he finally learned his last names, he still couldn’t find him on social media. He still only met him at kosegruppa. Even didn’t seem to exist before.
Isak was still missing an important information about him. And he still wasn’t sure about him and Even’s feelings for him. 
“Even Kosegruppa” is as neutral as you can get. It’s not just “Even” because that would be too sentimental. That would mean he’s the first Even his mind goes to when he thinks about the name Even. “Even Kosegruppa” is casual.

Which brings us to Sana.
Yousef is hiding his phone number.
Getting someone’s number feels much more personal than getting someone’s Facebook. It’s a next step in a relationship. First we add each other on Facebook. Then we get each other’s phone numbers…and then we date (because, lbh, we’ll never share our tumblrs to each other).
She’s only been chatting casually with him, through his social media. His social appearance. This public image she had of him. The assumptions she made based on appearances.
The real Yousef is still unknown. We got a glimpse of him at the end of episode 4 but that was still only breaking the surface. She likes him. A lot. But she’s conflicted.
She liked him so much without even realising he didn’t believe in Allah. Which seems like a big part of someone’s identity. It’s certainly a big part of Sana’s.

So yeah.
Unknown.

[The original meta assumed that Sana didn’t have Yousef’s phone number and that it was why it was displayed as “unknown”. I made most of my conclusion around this misconception. Since then a lot of people have explained to me that a number shows as “unknown” if it’s been made private/hidden by the caller. Which only made my point better: we went from Yousef being “unknown/unsure” a character to Yousef outright hiding shit. So I edited the Sana/Yousef part of this meta quickly to reflect this updated information.]

anonymous asked:

Dear Hank, I am a 20-something straight white male, and I am finding it increasingly hard to not hate what I am because of other people who are that. I find myself wrestling with self-destructive and violent impulses towards other people like me. The simple fact of the matter is we deserve to be bled like swine for the damage we've done to the world and all the other people in it. How do you accept the monstrous history of our race without becoming some sort of serial killer?

Oy…

This is awful. This is an awful, awful thing to feel. I have never felt guilty about the power I’ve been given. You are not responsible for what people who are not you did just because you benefitted from their actions. You are only responsible for your actions and what you do with that power.

Like, I have a responsibility to do good with the power I’ve been given, but I’ve never hated myself because I happened to be born with the skin color, gender, biological sex, or bank account I was born with. I feel those things as a weight because I want to use the power I have well. But do not hate yourself because of something you didn’t do. 

soften the blow. 12x13 coda. deancas. (ao3)

Cas picks up the phone halfway through the second ring. “Dean?” he says. “Is everything all right?”

“I love you,” Dean says. Cas inhales sharply on the other end of the line. “And I don’t have any bad news to follow that up with.”

“I–” Cas says. “What?”

“Getting real tired of people telling me that just to soften the blow,” Dean says. He hangs up, heart racing.

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Finn| Into Your Arms |Bálor

Title; Into Your Arms

Pairing; Finn Bálor/Reader

Word Count; 5523

Summary; If it’s just a game, then I like the way that we play.

Warnings;  NSFW. Body painting leading to smut. Smut for smut’s sake. Here be no plot. Latex free.

A/N; Found this little gem saved in my documents from months ago because I forgot about it. Heathens!Tyler is a work in progress. Thinking next week.  You know what to do fam. Leave me some noise and kisses.

Tag Train:

@alexablss  @laochbaineann  @bettergetusetoit
@fuckyeahbulletclub  @covergirlcollarbones  @thedeboniardevistation @amaranthine-reign  @leelakoiwolff @crookedmoonsaultpunk
@princess3733 @britishscoundrel  geekoftv
@bbmbabe  @alexahood21  @mrsuniverse
@sorleino   @sweet-and-stormy   heelturn-timesten
@imaginingwwesuperstars  @wrasslin-x @iloveenzoamore@crossfitjesusinskinnyjeans@tomsbookitten  @sarahmatthews7  amantedelcalcio
@littledeadrottinghood   @wwelife0014
@alexispoo  @sjwriteswrestling-1   mox-midget
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@screamersdontdance  @wwe-smutfics
@alexahood21  @tmsixone   @daintymissdevitt
@mistressbalor @nickysmum1909  
@wwewritings   @mgswdw  @finnbaelorxx
@shadow-of-wonder @valeonmars
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@thebutterflygirl16   @catie-kaboom   @aye-its-shaianne  @breezy14fan @lindseyrae20   hiitsmecharlie
@blondekel77  @skrillexslays13  @lisa-likes-wrasslin  @danikajessyfandoms  @charismatickilljoy
@sunflowers-and-swear-words  @atravelerinspirit
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@eleonora-dsb  @somewhere-in-ambrose-asylum
@little–alphabet–boy @chloebowiee   @shieldgirl95

Originally posted by thearchitectwwe

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Why Did  You Fail Me? ~Freaky February~ (D.W)

Prompt: I like reviving my old stories! I have a ton more. Here is the one before.

Pairing: Teach!Dean x Student!Reader

Word Count: 1.4k

Warning: Age gap

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Cookies or Pie: Part 2

AN: This is the demanded part two of I love You! There will actually be a part 3 then I’m wrapping this thing up.

Part 1

I highly recommend playing THIS while you read … . Sorry in advance


    “You certainly left a mess behind Ms. Y/N. Everyone is so very quiet, it’s almost as though we’ve returned to the days right after your grandparents died. It’s much too familiar for my taste. We haven’t seen Master Dick in weeks, but Ms. Gordon assures me he’s fine.

Master Jason has been around quite a bit. He likes to sit outside the door to your room, listening to something on his phone.

Master Tim hasn’t had one cup of coffee since everything happened. He muttered something about a promise, but his caffeine withdrawals have been terrible for us all.

Master Damian was very quiet. Even young Mr. Kent wasn’t able to get him to speak. He’s spending time at their farm now. I’m hoping that being around all the animals would help him.

And your father, your father is a mess quite frankly. I know it’s not what you want to hear, but it’s the truth. He’s gone out to see you every day since the funeral. Spends at least an hour out there with you. He hasn’t been on patrol since it happened.Members of the league keep stopping by, but he refuses to see them. I’m quite worried, Ms. Y/N.”

Alfred pauses to take a sip of tea, considering his words carefully, “We should have told them. We should have given them the option. This isn’t like the other times. You can’t fight back against a disease, you can’t arrest it or find out it’s plot. They’re quite lost without something to physically fight.

And I …I’m quite lost myself. There’s nothing I can say to make them feel better. Nothing I can to do to help them process or bring them back together. That was always you. You were able to stop the bickering, and you were able to make them laugh.

You joked quite a bit about not being a part of the family business but I believe you were an integral part. You were the part that kept us grounded, kept us smiling. You kept us a family, and I don’t think that can be replicated.”

Alfred stares at the picture of you. It was taken only a few months before your diagnosis. He still finds it hard to believe that it had taken you so quickly. He takes another staggering breath before saying, “I will be sure to keep you updated. Same time tomorrow then.” He nods once to himself, before moving out of his rooms.

He’s a bit surprised to find the lights on and all of his boys sitting around the table. They give him a sad look as he takes his seat at the table. Jason is the first to speak, “Where you talking to her again?”

He nods, “It helps, strange as it sounds.”

Jason gives him a grim smile, “Nah, I understand. I keep listening to this song she talked about in those last days. ‘If I die young?’ Only thing I could think about during the funeral. “

Dick wipes a hand over his face, “Better off than me. I keep listening to these old voice mails she left. They’re silly and short, but they’re her.”

Bruce’s voice is rough, “She never complained. About the late nights or the crime fighting. None of it. She’d just wait up, and when we came up she’d just smile and ask, “Good night or bad night?”

Tim let’s out a little laugh, “Good night we had cookies, bad nights we had pie. And she always tried to switch out my coffee for decaf. Said it was going to kill me before Gotham could.”

Bruce smiles, “Weird she said the same thing about her mom and me.”

Dick’s the one who asks, “You heard anything from Selina?”

Bruce shakes his head, “Not since I had to tell her. I should probably start looking.”

Jason nods, “There haven’t been any major heists, I’ve been checking.”

Dick’s voice comes out in a whisper, “She can’t really be gone, can she? She’s going to walk through the doors in her favorite pajamas any minute right? And she’ll ask, good night or bad night?”

“No.” Damian’s voice is sad, more wracked with grief than any of them had ever heard it. “She’s gone, and there’s nothing we can do about that. What we can do is remember her, and live the way she would want us to.”

“Protect Gotham.” Tim says.

“Protect the innocent.” Jason adds.

“Protect our family and stick together.”

Bruce smiles, as a tear falls down his face, “And remember that there is always time for cookies or pie.”

Smiling, Alfred asks, “So is it a good night or a bad night?”

They exchange looks before saying all together, “Both.”

Steven Universe Theory: White Diamond Is The Enemy

SPOILER ALERT: THIS THEORY CONTAINS SO MANY SPOILERS. You have been warned!

As of January 6th, 2017, we have been officially introduced to three diamonds: Yellow, Blue and Pink. But what about White?

Personally, the most interesting theorizing for me has been originating from the Pyramid Temple, and here’s why.

First of all I want to point out something that no one has before: The Pyramid Temple is the first place we see the Diamond Authority symbol. That’s right. The new symbol. The symbol made after the shattering of Pink Diamond. The symbol that everyone believed made its debut in ‘Jail Break,’ was completely visible in season one, episode eight. Don’t believe me?

The symbol is first seen to the far left as the gems are entering the temple. It is surrounded by what looks to be a sun, and rays of light. Seem familiar? A certain light with a song of some sort? That’s right. The corruption song, revealed to us in both Lapis’ backstory and Centi’s drawings.

The second time the symbol is more clearly visible, after Steven has ‘touched the magical thing he is definitely always never supposed to’ and the gems land in the center of the temple.

(Do I have your attention yet?) What this means is that this temple was created after the war…at least, after the shattering of Pink Diamond, and the re-creation of the Diamond Authority symbol. What exactly is the purpose of this temple? I’ll get to that in another theory.

I will be referencing SliceofOtaku’s ‘Source of Corruption’ theory…so feel free to go check it out!

After the gems enter the temple, before Steven messes with the magical thing, we are introduced to another mural, one that has been used in many theories thus far.

The mural introduces us to four main beings, three being what is assumed to be diamonds, and the last, Rose Quartz. Just barely out of sight, we can see the sun and the moon on opposite ends of the mural, so we can assume that the mural is meant to be read, or translated in a counterclockwise manner. We are also introduced to an unbelievable amount of hands, and small black figures that we assume represent humans, or crystal gems. Again, we’ll get back to a lot more information on this mural in another theory. The main focus is the center mural, the one with Rose Quartz.

Many have speculated that this mural is depicting Rose Quartz fighting against a Diamond. Others have speculated that this is Lapis Lazuli because of the wave like structure beneath her, but that theory has essentially been proven wrong, and it is safe to say that this is in fact a Diamond. But which Diamond?

Many theorized that this was Yellow Diamond or Blue Diamond, because of the triangular symbol on her chest. Others have speculated that this is just a universal symbol of a Diamond, and it could be Pink Diamond, and that this mural was the depiction of the last battle between Pink Diamond and Rose Quartz. I think differently.

White Diamond is and has always been the top of the Diamonds. This is shown by her symbol constantly being at the top of the Diamond Authority symbol, and her mural on the Moon Base shows that she has the most colonized planets and moons by far. Some would argue that she is the ‘oldest’ of the Diamonds. Regardless, she is definitely at the top of her game, even though we have little proof to show it.

When Yellow Diamond was first introduced, fans were in awe. I myself thought that she was just an epiphany of beauty, authority, and everything that a personified diamond would be. She was Yellow Diamond.

When the world was introduced to Blue Diamond, we were given a different aspect of the Diamonds entirely. Diamonds had feelings. Diamonds could be distraught. Diamonds could be vulnerable. Diamonds were capable of the same earth-shattering, depressing emotions that we humans are.

Later on in “That Will Be All” we see that even Yellow Diamond is troubled by the loss of Pink. Even though the two Diamonds are handling the situation very differently, the two still feel the loss of a close figure, some might even say a sister or a lover. Yellow attempts to console her fellow Diamond and encourages her to get back up and be the leader that she needs to be. Yellow has obviously continued her responsibilities as a Diamond, but Blue just hasn’t. Instead, she’s focused on keeping Pink’s legacy alive, and it has made her a shell of what she used to be. Yellow is obviously trying to pull her fellow Diamond from this pit of despair, and return her to her authoritative figure. But where is White Diamond? Surely the head of the Diamond Authority wouldn’t want a fellow Diamond wallowing in despair forever. Wouldn’t she?

Even though Yellow is trying to encourage Blue to stop mourning over the loss of Pink, she’s still there. She’s still concerned about her fellow Diamond. She’s present, and accounting for all of Blue’s latest activity. White Diamond is essentially nonexistent, but she’s not shattered.

We can tell that White Diamond is not shattered/bubbled/missing because:
- She is still present in the Diamond Authority symbol.
- She is not mentioned as a bubbled or shattered gem.
- She is not being mourned over like Pink.
- There are no gems that we have seen bubbled that resemble a Diamond.

Of course, this is only a theory, and it is entirely possible that White Diamond is shattered/bubbled/missing, but I feel that it’s highly unlikely. I mean with that many colonies to run at once, (and certainly more since the war) I think anyone would qualify as ‘missing.’

So what does any of this have to do with White Diamond being the enemy? I’ll tell you. White Diamond shattered Pink Diamond.

That’s preposterous! Why? How? Where?

Rose Quartz shattered Pink Diamond! It’s fact!

No. It’s not. Just like media, it’s what they want you to believe. But who’s they? The higher-ups. The leaders. White Diamond.

Rose’s sword was made to destroy a gem’s body, never the gem. Rose would never shatter someone, as stated by Steven, and I think I stand by that. Of course everyone says that she had to do what she had to, and that it was true, but I just don’t buy it. I think Rose ‘poofed’ Pink Diamond, but nothing more.

Let’s go back to the mural.

Here we can see Rose battling a Diamond. But what is that in front of her? A diamond. A pink diamond. Could this be the actual Pink Diamond? Yes!

It has been made clear that White Diamond is the leader of the Diamond Authority. She wouldn’t care about a small rebellion. Not near enough to come to earth. So what would make her come to earth? Pink Diamond. The well-being of a fellow Diamond. As soon as Pink Diamond is ‘poofed’ or shattered, things get super real for the Diamonds. The rebellion isn’t a game anymore. One of their own is in danger, and that’s enough for White Diamond to put an end to it all.

Rose Quartz proved that this rebellion wasn’t something that could be handled with a snap of their fingers. The Beta Kindergarten was proof of that. As stated by Peridot, the Beta Kindergarten was Homeworld’s scrambled attempt to generate extra soldiers on the ground, mid-way through the rebellion. This wasn’t Homeworld’s attempt. This was Pink Diamond’s attempt. Jasper further reiterates this fact by her emotional speech about her purpose being to fight from the very beginning, because of what Rose Quartz did to her colony, her planet and her Diamond.

Rose Quartz has always been presented to us as a lovely, beautiful being. I personally can’t imagine her harming another gem, not to mention the being that created her. I think Rose Quartz ‘poofed’ Pink Diamond, holding her hostage, and was using her as a means of negotiating with Homeworld and the rest of the Diamond Authority. This is when White Diamond joins the war.

White Diamond finally travels to earth, and brings reinforcements with her. In a final attempt at ending the rebellion, and the gem colonization of earth, Rose Quartz negotiates with White Diamond alone.

It is common knowledge in the real world, that only diamonds can cut diamonds.

Depicted in one of the first murals ever given to us, White Diamond delivers a shattering blow meant for Rose Quartz, but instead strikes the bubbled and defenseless, Pink Diamond, and shatters her gem for good. Infuriated, distraught, and bent on revenge, White Diamond blames Rose Quartz for the death of her fellow Diamond, and who would deny it? The very leader of the Homeworld gems and the Great Diamond Authority.

At an unknown time period afterwards, Homeworld gems are called to retreat, and the three remaining Diamonds join together to create the corruption song. Sadly, many gems are unable to escape, left on earth as corrupted gems, mere shells of what they used to be. Thus, ending the rebellion and the colonization of earth. White Diamond returns to her duties as a Diamond, while Blue and Yellow mourn for their fellow Diamond.

Of course, gem activity does not come to an immediate halt after the rebellion, the Pyramid Temple and the Cluster being examples of that, but we’ll try to figure that out in another theory.

As for White Diamond’s involvement in future episodes of the show, I feel that she will be the last villain Steven and the Crystal Gems face. The show revolves around empathy, and I feel that both Blue and Yellow will be able to be won over by Steven’s compassionate nature, or at least they will think twice about what actually happened in the rebellion. Perhaps in some sort of argument within the council itself, White Diamond would angrily admit that she was the one that shattered Pink Diamond, or in a battle between the Crystal Gems and the Diamonds, they discover Diamonds can’t be shattered by normal gems, and the Diamond’s whole worlds would be changed forever. Homeworld gems would be changed forever. All because of the one Diamond above them all.

White Diamond.

I hope you guys enjoyed my theory on White Diamond and I’ll be working on other theories soon!

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Still doesn’t feel real sometimes. May 2015 vs today, May 2017. 120 lbs I’ll never have again. Have been keeping it off since August of 2016, growing stronger each and every day.

Take it from me, you can do anything you want.

If you need help, ask me. Helping other people evolve into the best versions of themselves is what I live for. Everything has aligned perfectly since I started my journey- I have given myself so much life that I am able to help others gain their own back.

That thing Aaron does where he gets so happy that he has to express it in some physical way, and he lets out a small breath of air as he smiles, briefly completely engulfed by his happiness, before he is brought back to reality (see the wedding, after Robert says he’s serious about Aaron being the best husband he’s ever had, or the goodbye scene after Robert calls him Mr Sugden). That little noise murders me, every single fucking time. 

Why Taylor Swift Is The Greatest Living Songwriter (Under 60) Taylor

I recently found myself at a BMI Awards dinner where the song publishing rights organization was handing out some career achievement awards, the first of which went to the classic ‘60s team of Barry Mann and Cynthia Weil. And then they gave one to Taylor Swift, in one of those cases where they have to name the award to the person it’s being given to because it feels a little too uncomfortable to give the standard “lifetime” award to someone in her 20s. In her speech, Swift gave props to her elders: “I first wanted to say to Cynthia Weil, to Barry Mann, and to Carole King, you, the Brill Building, your legacy, are the reason we do what we do. Many of us in this room can’t dream of accomplishing what you guys have accomplished.”

Except she already has. And (heresy alert!) more. Swift is a rightful heir to the Brill Building tradition, with all the mastery of pop craftsmanship that entails, but she’s also the finest contemporary inheritor we have to the confessional singer/songwriter throne. She’s Barry Mann and Bruce Springsteen, together in one silver metallic mini dress-wearing package. That’s why I say Taylor Swift is our greatest living songwriter—under-60 division, just to be safe. But I digress.

I am glad I’m alive in the prime era of Taylor Swift the same way I felt glad to be alive in the half-century of Dylan and Springsteen and The Beatles and Costello. I’ve leaned forward into my first listens to 1989 and Red the same way I thirsted for the on-sale moments of The River and Nebraska and Imperial Bedroom and Time Out of Mind. These are the moments — all too infrequent in the 2010s, if you’re a recovering rock snob — that you live for as a music fan and especially singer/songwriter aficionado: the opening of a magazine you subscribe to, in which the editor-publisher has promised to bleed onto every page in some fashion. You look forward to admiring the craft and you want to know that you’ve been handed the next six months’ or year’s worth of earworms all at once. But most of all you want to feel you’re about to make that passionate connection with a deep-feeler who knows you better than your own best excuse for a best friend.

Where Swift is most like the great confessional rock writers, and least like the Brill Building set, is in her propensity to fill her songs with seemingly stray details. If you’re writing by the books, you learn early on not to include random asides that throw listeners out of the commonality of the lyric. But Springsteen, Dylan, Costello, et al. have faith that, whatever is lost in relatability by including something specifically autobiographical is a gain for fans who know that that weird minutiae confirms the rest of the emotions as authentic. When Swift interrupts Out of the Woods to mention “Twenty stitches in a hospital room/Remember when you hit the brakes too soon,” that’s about as un-Brill as Bruce talking about Crazy Janey and Greaser Lake. But the specificity of the bridge makes the universality of chorus more meaningful, even if the unstable relationship you’re being reminded of by the song didn’t involve a visit to the ER. It may seem peculiar to the 21st century that we can confirm who the significant others in Swift’s songs are by picking out lyrical details about eye colors or fire signs or scarves and checking them against her exes. But is finding out whether All Too Well was about Jake or Harry that terribly different than the thrill of figuring out whether Dylan’s It Ain’t Me, Babe was about Suzi or Joan, but with Google taking the place of waiting years for a biography?

The position that Swift is Actually Quite Awesome is not nearly as controversial among the older white guy set than it would have been a few years ago. You only get a B for courage now, not the former A, if you speak up at a cocktail party and say, “No, I don’t mean it’s good for what it is, or she’s a positive role model for my daughter or a gateway drug to Courtney Barnett, I mean she is truly the shit.” (Crickets may still ensue, mind you, if no longer outright shaming.) You can attribute this in part to Ryan Adams, whose album-length cover version of '1989’ did a fairly excellent job of indie-splaining Swift to people who only needed to hear that her songs could be rearranged in the styles of The Smiths and Elliott Smith to sign off on her. As much as I enjoy Adams’ '1989’, it falls just a little short as reinvention, or revelation: You kind of sense him wanting to get credit for being the first to discover that Swift’s frothiest sounding songs all have minor chords and melancholy under the Max Martin-ization. The real problem with Adams’ interpretations—which is not a fatal problem, given how good Wildest Dreams sounds as an R.E.M. song—is that he doesn’t really have that much use for the words, given how uninterested he is in emphasizing particular words or phrases and how he throws away some of the best lines. (To be fair, this is pretty much Adams’ approach toward his own lyrics, too.) Not that with Swift the lyrics are everything, when she has such a gift for melodic delights and surprises… but, yeah, the words are kind of everything.

Going back to Swift’s 2006 self-titled debut now, it sounds a little primitive, in retrospect. Which is fine: “primitivist” is exactly what you’d expect or hope for from a girl who released at 16 an album of songs she’d mostly written at 14 and 15. No one should sound 30 as a teenager, unless she’s Fiona Apple. (Hearing Apple’s eloquent teen jadedness when she was a freshman artist felt as impressive and spooky as Captain Howdy’s voice coming out of Regan MacNeil’s mouth.) At the time, it was a widely held assumption that co-writer Liz Rose was the brains of the operation. But you couldn’t help but notice that the best song on the album, Our Song, was a solo Swift composition, penned before she had access to the best song editors Music Row could offer. It sounded utterly conversational , establishing Swift’s knack for writing in complete sentences in a way that sounds completely diaristic and completely musical. It embraced both metaphor (“Our song is the slamming screen door”) and the meta (being one of those songs that is self-conscious about how it is, in fact, a song). It was winsome, guileless, and juvenile—in the best way—on top of being freakily expert for a song written by an underclassman for a school talent show.


Two years later (Swift’s follow-up albums have always been two years later, up until now), she came up with Fearless, which was so much more accomplished that it won her the Grammy for Album of Year, the first time that’d been accomplished by a record made by a teenager. But looking back at it now, you can see it was the only time she ever really marked time, stylistically, as a record-maker. The breakthrough that mattered was 2010’s Speak Now, which was her first real “pop album” (at least for those of us who pay attention to content and not the officially mandated tropes that insisted that honor belongs to '1989’). Just this once, she wrote the entire album by herself, in a rather deliberate F-you to everyone who figured she’d been propped up by Nashville pros. Similar auteurist turns by pop and country artists with points to prove have not always gone so spectacularly but Swift used the opportunity not just to defend but to diversify, as great writers and investors will. This DIY show of tour-de-force ran the gauntlet of effervescent girl-group pop (the title song), Evanescence goth-rock (Haunted), cheerful neo-bluegrass (Mean), girl-on-mean-girl pop-punk (Better Than Revenge), and even a token transitional single in the country-folk style of the first two albums (Mine).

'1989’ is the masterpiece of her career so far
'Speak Now’ also incidentally included the most searing, stark, boldly confessional song by a major artist since John Lennon’s Cold Turkey. (Hyperbole intended.) This was Dear John, a slow, epic-length missive to a love-'em-young-and-leave-'em type that was jaw-dropping in its vulnerability and rage. Never mind the lucky stroke that apparently had the rock star who used and discarded Swift being a guy really named John; Swift does like her literalism, so she probably wouldn’t written a public dear-John letter to a Tom, Dick, or (even) Harry. It’s a ballad that creates the illusion of the artist having vomited onto the page—for those of us who like that sort of thing—but actually belies a severe level of craft beneath the bile. The song rises to an emotional victory, as Swift goes from paying witness to “all the girls that you’ve run dry (that) have tired, lifeless eyes 'cause you’ve burned them out” to being the one who “took your matches before fire could catch me, so don’t look now: I’m shining like fireworks over your sad, empty town.” Compare this to the other great fireworks song of 2010, Katy Perry’s, and there is simply no pyromaniacal contest.


With 'Red’ another couple of years later, she bid a fond F-you to her own previous F-you and reintroduced co-writers to her stable, now adding Max Martin and Shellback as collaborators on a choice trio of songs, as if to say: I dare you to knock this block off. Aside from the handful of tracks with those guys, though, 'Red’ felt more like a classic singer/songwriter album than anything she’d done before or certainly since. It was all about lost love, and hardly for the first time, but now Swift was jettisoning her “better than revenge” approach to achieving payback in song and taking equal responsibility for relational failures, and it was all very sensitive and self-examining and enlightened. So when I got my first listen to the determinedly frothier '1989’ a couple of years still later, I lamented the loss of the previous album’s hard-fought breakthroughs in songwriting maturity.

Lamented it for about two minutes, that is. '1989’ is the masterpiece of her career, so far, and that’s not withstanding the thick gloss of candy coating that covered the whole endeavor now that Martin was fully on board as guiding executive producer as well as hands-on guy on about half the tracks. The meme favored by some critics, that Swift had sold out on us with all this interference by the reigning kings of the pop machinery—and after all we’d done to defend her as an artiste!—was misguided even by the usual standards of stick-up-one’s-ass bias and entitlement. It may seem counter-intuitive, for those of us who usually live and die by singer/songwriter yardsticks, to say that '1989’ is Swift’s most mature album, when there is barely a guitar anywhere in earshot for the singer’s tears to fall upon. But as it turns out, it is possible to talk intelligently, walk in rhythm, and chew bubblegum at the same time.

Yes, '1989’ is a less outrightly emotional album than any of its predecessors. Swift herself has said it’s the first time she wasn’t writing in the wake of a heartache. And that’s part of what makes the album so seasoned and smart. If all the previous albums were her “breakup album,” '1989’ is her maybe-we-are-ever-getting-back-together album. It’s about being just a little bit rueful about past relationships—in a less world-ending, drama queen-y fashion than the take-no-prisoners approach that admittedly made a lot of us fall for her in the first place – and largely about that impulse to reconnect, even as you sit by the phone and consider what a terrible idea that would be. She’s thinking back on a breakup that wasn’t that traumatic (possibly one with Harry Styles, if we’re to take the cheeky title of Style literally), and considering every negative and possible angle to rekindling an old flame. As a result, a lot of the songs on '1989’ are about mixed emotions, which are by and large the hardest kind to write.

She understands more brilliantly the power of dynamics — that even the most grandiose song can benefit by suddenly getting completely naked for 40 seconds.

And here is where we quote another great pop writer, F. Scott Fitzgerald, who famously said: “The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.” Swift is showing us that first-rate intelligence when she encapsulates the divisions we all experience as we find the good and bad in people, lovers and otherwise: “You always knew how to push my buttons/You give me everything and nothing.” “Ten months sober, I must admit/Just because you’re clean don’t mean you don’t miss it.” “This love is good, this love is bad/This love is alive, back from the dead.” As the CEO of her own corporation, Swift has had a lot of time to think about risk/reward ratios. Grappling with that in matters of love is part of her giftedness and increasing talent as a writer.

I think again of the congratulations Ryan Adams got for bringing out the sadder emotional undercurrents in '1989’’s material. He deserves some of it, but it’s not as if Swift didn’t make that a fairly easy discovery. Bad Blood is the most blatantly confectionary song on '1989,’ with a sing-song-y quality of the chorus makes you think Avril Lavigne, if you’re making comparisons. But would Avril, or any other pop star you can bring to mind, have interrupted the beats and chants for a lengthy, virtually a cappella bridge that brings the mood down with its warnings about bullet holes and living with ghosts? It’s akin to the hyper-produced song on her previous album, I Knew You Were Trouble, where Swift puts an end to all the dubstep to very quietly wonder, almost sotto voce, whether the object of her affections ever loved her, the other girl, “or anyone.” In the big beat era, she understands more brilliantly the power of dynamics—that even the most grandiose song can benefit by suddenly getting completely naked for 40 seconds.

Blank Space, meanwhile, shows Swift to have under-heralded skills as maybe the greatest comedy writer since Eminem. As probably everyone who wasn’t completely divorced from pop culture in 2015 knows, Swift wrote it as a sort of spoof of her own image as a serial romancer (which is to say, a girl known for dating about half as many partners as a typical guy her age). When she says she’s got a blank space “and I’ll write your name,” it’s understood that she means she’ll write an excoriating song about the dude later on—she’s in on that joke. But amid the nearly Randy Newman-esque humor and exaggeration, there’s a real undercurrent of pain and possible self-knowledge. The time limits that come up in lines like “I can make the bad guys good for a weekend” and “Find out what you want/Be that girl for a month” don’t sound like they’re being played strictly for ironic laughs.

She is maybe the greatest comedy writer since Eminem.

Is she a spokeswoman for a generation? You might be on thin ice using that kind of phraseology for someone who spends so little time writing outside of the relational realm. But Swift does have an understanding of impermanence that seems uniquely millennial. She’s talked about how she looks at the length of her parents’ marriage and no longer takes it as a given she’ll find a lifetime partnership, which would probably come as a surprise to the younger Swift who wrote Love Story. But she finds a haunting beauty in what we might call planned obsolescence. “Wildest Dreams” pulls off the particularly tricky time-traveling feat of looking ahead to a future in which you’re looking back to the past… and of being intensely sexy and rueful at the same time. “You’ll see me in hindsight, tangled up with you all night, burning it down,” she sings. “Someday when you leave me, I bet these memories follow you around.” That moment when you’re in the heat of passion, leaving your body just long enough to realize you’ll be nostalgic for it someday? If you’ve ever experienced it, you probably never thought somebody would nail it in a song.

Not that you have to be a millennial to be capable of considering how things are likely to end even in the midst of everything going right. I was trying to remember what song the future-nostalgia of “Wildest Dreams” reminded me of, in some weird, roundabout way, and then it came to me: Dylan’s You’re Gonna Make Me Lonesome When You Go. It’s maybe heretical to compare the bard with this girl from the north country, but not so heretical to say: Great minds wistfully think alike. And we should all feel a little lonely if either of them ditched us.

being an ambivert (intro/extrovert at the same time)...

1. I love the idea of being in social settings, meeting new people but sometimes small introductory conversations are not my cup of tea.. I end up stuttering & saying dumb shit like “I really like the shape of your head, really nice, defined..” So I’ve just given up seeking out new friendships. 


2. I’ll dead ass wake up in the morning feeling like “hummm.. this is a good day to hibernate & not to see humans, imma sleep in, pamper myself, read a book, cook, smoke myself up tonight, etc.” but by 12pm, my soul is craving a party, a  kickback or something of the sort.. 


3. I can go from binge watching Netflix for 2 days straight with an introverted friend to hitting that milly and shaking my ass at the club with a bunch of extroverts and have just about the same amount of fun with both. 


4. I can easily read people, put myself in others’ shoes and understand multiple points of views. 


5. I can do some wild, versatile shit like chop off all my hair, or dye it blue, have bodacious makeup on, dress a little out of the ordinary, perform in front of 100s of people etc. but standard conversation with strangers makes me extremely nervous/uncomfortable. 


6.I’m  Indecisive as fuck! 


7. I’m the person that will make plans with you, be hella excited to finally step out, hit the town and just have a great time but if you happen to cancel? Better believe I’mma enjoy this bed of mine just as much. I got Netflix && Hulu plus, faack you mean? 


8. I’ve questioned wether or not I’m bipolar several times. 

If this is going where we think it’s going, we might end up getting a scene where Robert promises Aaron he’ll visit him every day he can, and wait for him, and that he can’t wait to share his house with his husband, and Aaron biting his lip and shedding silent tears as they tell each other they love each other and Robert goes home broken and Aaron lies in a cell, with no more tears to cry, missing the place on his finger where his wedding ring used to be.

I hate cliches- really, I hate them. But listen to me when I say that no one, not a single person on this planet, will ever look at you the way that I do. Because I look at you with anger and wonderment and appreciation and fear. I look at you like you are the reason for every problem in my life, though you are the reason that I forget all my life problems. I look at you and I see everything that I have to lose, but it’s only because you have given me so much to look forward to. I look at you in terror because I wasn’t supposed to let myself feel this way for anyone, but then I feel comfort looking at you because I know that I made the right choice by letting you break those walls I built. So don’t ever tell me that I don’t see you- the only person, the only THING I ever see- is you.
—  See Me
For my girl...

Here’s the thing… If I haven’t made this clear enough already. I really like you. Like, a lot. You make me feel like it’s okay to be myself and that is something I’ve been working on my whole life. You make me feel as if I actually have a purpose on this planet and that I was made to do great things and make people happy. I do not think I could/will ever be able to put into words or actions to show you how much you mean to me. And to be honest that kinda sucks. Lol. I want you to have everything you want in this word. I want to give you what you have given to me. I want to be the person you think of when you go to the beach and see the waves crashing against the shore and remember our first date when I took you to watch the sunset and we just sat on the beach and admired the view…But I wasn’t looking at just the sunset, I was looking at the person that taught me how to appreciate myself, the person that showed me that there was kindness and understanding in this world. I was looking at you. Also remember me when you look up at the stars and remember how I compared the sparkle in your eyes to the constellations that form my universe. I want to protect you from anything bad thing that you come across…But I know I can’t do that because you need to experience life on your own but I do promise that I will ALWAYS be there for you if you need a shoulder to cry on or just someone​ to talk to. I want all of you, all of the flaws that I can’t see, your corny jokes, your laugh, how you hide you face in my arm because you are laughing so hard, your clumsiness, your love for penguins…Everything. I can be whatever you want, whatever you need. Clingy, Strong, Protective, Comforting, Nerd, Understanding, Kind… Anything you want. I want to be your everything. I want to be with you.