i have far more feelings about this than i should

As far as all the rumblings about what is to come with Once…

One thing I’m thankful for is this. However this show does or does not end, this fandom will write through fic and illustrate through art infinite different versions that will inevitably be more nuanced, thoughtful and appropriate than anything we will ever see on our TVs. And while this sounds like a slam of A&E and the writing staff (which isn’t necessarily false) it’s just a fact. We care about the small moments as much as the big milestones and have the time and desire in our art to delve into them. We remember every tiny interaction and take time to tie up loose threads, maintain continuity and make sure there is a payoff for every crisis. There are simply too many characters and storylines and realms and curses and villains and heroes and lions and tigers and bears for A&E to focus on what we want all of the time. Thank god we have this space to do it for ourselves. I can’t wait to see what this fandom creates.

….

That being said, fuck up Emma Swan’s happy ending and I’m gonna riot.

Sinners ~ Greed

Author: completedylantrash

Characters: reader x Stiles

Rating: NSFL 18+ EXPLICIT SMUT

Word Count: 5062

A/N: This part is a little more…soft than the previous. So here is Part 5 of the series that @smutandahalf and I have been writing together. Enjoy ya filthy sinners ;)

Part 1 Envy |  Part 2 Pride |  Part 3 Wrath | Part 4 Gluttony 


As I lay here, listening to Stiles’ heartbeat, Isaac’s words echo over and over in my head. I can give you so much more than he can. I hope you don’t regret this. Will I regret this? Yes, Stiles is a fucking God in bed, not that I’ll ever admit that out loud, but so far that’s all I’ve gotten from him. We don’t talk about our feelings, which is kinda fine with me. Ugh…feelings. I’m not a feelings kind of person. I think if you care about people, you should be able to tell how much they care by their actions. Not having them tell you a million times that they love you. But, I will admit, it’s nice to hear the words every once and awhile.

Keep reading

Space Hulk: Deathwing first 15 minutes gameplay impressions

Damn son.

Okay so thus far it’s perfect. There is more Warhammer 40,000 aesthetic in the first 10 minutes than in every other 40k game combined - dark, dank rusting corridors festooned with corpses and purity seals and archaeo-techno-religious stuff

The Terminators feel right - heavy, ponderous, and without a crouch or jump button, as it should be. 

Shit’s fucking spooky so far. Creepy deserted space hulk. I’ve definitely heard things skittering in the vents. My own servo-skulls floating about made me crap myself. I’ve also been going in circles for about 5 minutes - fitting. Also, the Librarian is having nightmarish, bloody visions, love it.

Terminator 1: “We are not alone.” - Me: “You can’t just say shit like that, battle-bro.” 

More to follow, including pretty screencaps. 

2

[TRANS] 151128 Youngjae’s Instagram Updates

FROM Youngjae
Hello it’s GOT7’s Youngjae
Haha I’m not sure how I should write this “thanks to” letter. Mmm i think I have more to be sorry about than thankful. Mm First of all, the reason I was able to become a GOT7 member was mostly because of my parents and my company. My parents are really important to me. I haven’t been able to express it as much to my mom and dad, but I think I’m doing okay at it. Until I got to be part of GOT7, I’ve had a lot of troubles with my parents haha I’m sure no one would’ve expect things to become like this.

When I first passed my audition, what can I say, I’m still young but I was even younger then, so I cried..ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ As soon as I passed, I called them, and seeing them happy for me made me feel really.. you know ㅎㅎㅎ To be honest, my parents didn’t want me to become a singer. They just wanted me to study, get a good job and have a stable life. Our family is actually struggling financially, but at the time I asked them to help me get vocal/singing lessons because I wanted to become a singer~ told them I’m going to learn to sing and made a fuss about it. I went to take lessons for a little bit in 8th grade, then had a hard time going due to issues at home, but I wanted to learn again during Sophomore year in high school so I really tried to persuade them haha. Regardless of knowing what I’m doing, they gave me allowance and I even worked part-time jobs without telling them haha. I’m still sorry for the things I did back then and would like to let them know I thank them through this letter (smile) (smile) And then I somehow came across JYPE audition! At first I didn’t pass. But they suddenly contacted me after a year and told me I passed, so I was really happy. Thinking back again and talking about it still makes me happy.. When I started practice, I couldn’t stay in Seoul the entire time. The days I was able to stay in Seoul for practice were Fri-Mon and I had to go back to Mokpo for the rest of the week, but the bus fare was pretty expensive. I received 100,000 won to go back and forth every week, but one day my dad didn’t have enough so he gave me 80,000 won. I told him it wasn’t enough and that I needed more. Honestly, 80,000 won was more than enough for food and bus fare, but you know there is the regular bus and the premium bus– for some reason I insisted on taking the premium bus every time. Taking the regular bus from Mokpo to Seoul would’ve cost me 20,500 won, but the premium bus fare was 30,400 won.. I remember it exactlyㅋㅋ

I begged and begged just to ride that bus and my dad would get angry at me while breaking the piggy bank, but it didn’t make me feel good (/satisfied). I felt bad, but I wanted more.. Whenever I reminisce those days now, I wonder why I was acting that way. I’m still young, but I guess I was just even younger. I don’t know if my parents would remember these things, but whenever I think back, I want to cry because I feel so remorseful. I was too young to realize then, but I’m always sorry and thankful, mom and dad! After all that, I practiced harder and became part of GOT7!! I thought, wow did I really finally debut? My parents came to see me on the day of our debut and hugged me tight.. Bear with me for rambling on but anyway!! I really wanted to tell my parents I thank them very much. I love you, mom and dad. It feels strange for someone like me to say this, but let’s all be good to our parents!

Also to all the Ahgases who always watch over us whether from afar or up close, if all of you weren’t here, we wouldn’t be either. I’m very thankful and think you’re all lovely for supporting us with love no matter what we do. I ask you to continue to love us just as you have all this time. We’ll keep working hard and become amazing singers for Ahgases. Thank you, sorry and thank you again. This became really serious unlike my personality.ㅋㅋㅋㅋ
Ahgase and GOT7, let’s keep going like this~~ I love you

Ahhhh and when we recently won first place wowwowaang honestly, I didn’t cry.. Rather than wanting to cry, you know that feeling of “wow it’s so overwhelming, no joke, are you sure the singer who won first place isn’t someone else??” And wow, everyone thank you so much. This doesn’t come easily and it was possible because of all your love for us. So I’m going to work even harder to do better, although the thought makes me worried at the same time. We’ll keep trying and show even better sides of us. I truly love you, IGOT7!

Ah also.. Those who are fluent in English, Chinese, Japanese, Thai, and other languages, please translate this. Our Ahgases are all smart, so you can do it! ㅋㅋㅋ Ah is this too much of a mission.. It’s because I think those from other countries can have fun reading and be happy from the translations. Anyway I love you!

Who else is there.. Friends haha I don’t have that many friends ㅠㅠㅠㅠ I came to Seoul during my Junior year and I was really lonely. I had no one until around my Senior year, when a really close hyung of mine came up to Seoul and started taking lessons! Or maybe I’m wrong. Anywho when I was in Mokpo, he took good care of me and we listened to each other’s worries, so I was really glad when he came up to Seoul too. Even though he isn’t blood-related, I’m just as comfortable around him; we talked a lot and he gave good advice when I went through hard times, and overall he made my experience in Seoul less difficult huhu. I wasn’t able to tell that hyung I thank him ㅋㅋㅋㅋ but hopefully he’ll read this and know I’m thankful ㅋㅋㅋ!

Speaking of hyung, to my real hyung! My hyung is now my vwaitwamin (vitamin) that gives me strength. He can tell if something’s wrong from just the tone of my voice, it’s scary sometimes.. Once I called him on a rough day and he constantly asked if something happened and ha (sigh) ㅠㅠㅠㅠ hyung always knows me best *tears* ㅋㅋㅋㅋ ah I’m crying too much in this letter ㅋㅋ That’s how close I was (/am) with my hyung. Oh that doesn’t mean I’m not close with my noona or anything, but I should write about her as well. Or else she’ll be upset ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅎㅎㅎ

Actually it was my noona’s birthday not too long ago ㅠㅠ after my schedule I completely forgot about it and didn’t call her, but she called me first. Then I remembered right away ㅠㅠ I’m still trying to decide what to do for her. She says it’s okay but I want to do something.. I told her “happy birthday” through kakaotalk along with an ugly picture of me, and my noona wa very happy. If I get some days off soon, I’m planning to bring a gift to her ㅋㅋㅋㅋ Whew.. I wrote to those I’m thankful for and about the things I’ve been through, and it’s not too much or too little, but it seems I’ve had many ups and downs in life ㅋㅋㅋ There are probably more people I should thank, but I’ll write the second letter another time!

Everyone who’s always supporting me – my parents, hyung, noona, members, Ahgase, JYPE, my friends, other hyungs – I’ll work hard as the amount of support you’re giving me. Thank you and love you, always. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️★★❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Translated by: got_pang for GOT7&Co.

BLmatsu's point of view.

Hi Im a year old BLMatsu ask blog.

I want to talk about my side of the fandom, if you want to read about how normal people feel about BLmatsu heres a link

http://jyushimatsurepliez.tumblr.com/post/146414442746/are-you-against-blmatsu-if-so-how-strongly-are

In the link above, it does tell how blmatsu lovers can go too far, and it is true, but normal fans can go too far too.

Blmatsu is fantasy and it should stay fantasy. We respect people who do not agree with Blmatsu and we know that incest is wrong. Insect and other illegal kinks should stay fantasy and should NEVER become a reality. I believe this, but I feel like normal fans do not believe that people who like BLmatsu believe this.

This is nothing more than a kink, both fluff and smut wise. Just because my blog and even other blogs have BLmatsu in the description, we are not all about that. Some will be and there is a way to block the tag Blmatsu, which Blmatsu blogs SHOULD be doing. But we have normal content. If you do see Blmatsu show up on your dashboard, please notify the blog so they can fix it, because we are not perfect.

Because I like Blmatsu, doesn’t mean I activally search for porn of it, make fanfictions of it, and draw it all day. I like the show just like everyone else and people should not judge us just because we have a kink. We dont see the show as a way to ship the brothers. Blmatsu is a side thing. We love the show for its characters, comedy, art design, fresh ideas, and relatable content.

Please do not harass, bully, kinkshame, or judge BLmatsu lovers and normal lovers of the show. This fandom is amazing and it has been the least drama filled and friendly filled fandom. Honestly I just wanted to tell my point of view and I don’t want to force people to change their opinions just because I said my views.

A post becomes BLmatsu when you ask for it on BLmatsu blogs. Trust me.

House Rules (Fangrai)

Fang watched Lightning walk to the bathroom with no small amount of appreciation. “Starting today, Lightning, we have a new rule in this house.”

“Oh?” Lightning called out from the bathroom. “And what is the new rule?”

“From now on, no more wearing pants for you.”

Lightning laughed. “Really? And what about you?“

“Well, I suppose the rule should also apply to me to be fair. Okay then, from now on neither of us can wear pants at home.”

“Somehow, I think you’ll enjoy that far more than me.”

“Are you saying I don’t have good legs.”

Even though Fang couldn’t see her, she just knew the other woman was rolling her eyes.

“Fang, you have fantastic legs, but I have a feeling you enjoy ogling me more than I enjoy ogling you.” Lightning made one of her trademark sounds of exasperation. “I swear, you spend at least half of our sparring sessions trying to feel me up or get a good look. Honestly, we’re married now. You already know how I feel and how I look.”

“Lightning, do you think that a masterpiece of a painting looks any less good because you’ve seen it before?”

“That was actually kind of romantic. Thank you.” Lightning chuckled. “Do you have any other house rules in mind.”

“Well, I have considered making it a rule that you cook wearing nothing but an apron, but I don’t think that one would fly.”

“Sometimes, I wonder why you don’t just ask me to walk around the house naked.”

“If i thought you’d agree to it, I would.” Fang grinned. “So, since you’re here, would you agree to it?”

“No.”

“I thought not.”

“And I hope you realise that if we go by your rules, I wouldn’t be wearing pants when people came over.”

“Good point. Let’s amend the rule to: no more wearing pants when I’m the only one around. See, I’m flexible.”

“I know you are.” Lightning came back in from the bathroom. “You’ve demonstrated that on multiple occasions. You’re also very creative and insanely determined.”

“Tell me more,” Fang said. “I could use more praise.”

Lightning gave her a gentle swat on the arm. “No, you’re arrogant enough as it is. I don’t need you getting any worse.”

“Arrogant?” Fang smirked. “Lightning, I’m not arrogant. I simply like to point out how awesome I am since I am, you know, awesome.”

“Whatever helps you to sleep at night,” Lightning replied.

“Actually, you help me to sleep at night.”

“Keep teasing me and the couch will be helping you sleep at night.”

“You wouldn’t banish me to the couch over a little bit of teasing.” Fang rolled across the bed and tugged Lightning into her arms. “You like me too much.”

“Yes, Fang, I do. But, honestly, I only married you for the sex.”

“The awesome sex.”

Lightning snickered. “Yes, the awesome sex.”

“Alas, woe is me,” Fang said, sighing dramatically and pressing a kiss to Lightning’s shoulder. “I must live my life as nothing more than a slave to your relentless, all-consuming, and extremely inventive lust.”

“Extremely inventive?” Lightning tried to turn around, but Fang was quite stubborn about holding her in place. “And you’re hardly a slave to my lust, Fang. I’m pretty sure that if anything, it’s the other way around.”

“No, no, you’re definitely a lust-crazed monster who is using her authority as the senior Guardian Corps officer in this area to force me into all kinds of unspeakable acts.”

“Is that a fantasy of yours?” Lightning finally managed to pry Fang’s grip loose enough for her to turn and look the other woman in the eye. “Because that could easily be arranged.”

“And that’s what I mean by extremely inventive. I bet you’ve already thought about handcuffing me and having your wicked way with me.”

“…” Lightning’s cheeks flushed, and she coughed. “I may have considered that on a few occasions.”

“A few?”

“Fine, I may have considered that on quite a few occasions, but can you honestly tell me that you haven’t fantasised about using my handcuffs on me?”

“I fantasise about that at least once a day,” Fang replied. “More when I see you in uniform.”

“Good grief.”

“No, it’ll be good sex.”

“You’re incorrigible.”

“I prefer to be called irresistible.”

“Fang…”

“Hey, you knew what you were getting when you married me: smirks, teasing, and that awesome sex I mentioned earlier.” Fang rolled on top of Lightning. “Now, I’ve given you a nice dose of smirks and teasing, so I think I owe you some more of that awesome sex.”

“Your sense of proportion is all wrong. You just gave me a lot of that.”

“Are you saying you don’t want more?”

Lightning pulled Fang into a kiss. “I didn’t say that.”

Caring about men is valid

It shows basic human compassion to care for 50% of the population. It shows a general decency to acknowledge that men suffer, men have gender-specific issues, and men should not be ignored. Life isn’t an oppression contest. Everyone faces tough times in their life, but no one should have to face it alone, or have their struggles be dismissed or laughed at.

If you care about mens’ issues. If you care about men like you would care about any human being, congratulations. I’m grateful for your good thoughts, well-wishes and activism. I don’t care who you are or how you choose to identify yourself. Never feel bad about what you do, and never let anyone on this dumbass site or anywhere else say that what you’re doing is misguided. You’re appreciated far more than you might ever know.

Gossip (one-shot)

Because I was thinking about how much I love Ratchet and June and would have loved to see more of their interactions in tfp. I mean really, they would have gotten along so well!

And a shout out to @lizwuzthere​ because we were both on the same wavelength of Ratchet and June gossiping and having girl talk, maybe especially about feelings and OP.

Title: Gossip

Series: Transformers Prime

Pairing: Ratchet & June friendship, with a side of Ratchet/Optimus Prime

Rating/Warnings: A very soft T I guess for discussion of bots being hot


These meetings had started innocently enough. Ratchet was beginning to understand that with the children running around the base and sneaking into the field far more often than they should, it would be worthwhile to at least gather some preliminary understanding of their anatomy and physiology. The idea that they had been hurt on his watch and he could do little for them rubbed his medic protocols the wrong way.

And Ratchet could only assume that for June it was much the same when she could only stand by and watch when he worked on the warriors. Her fingers would twitch and often she would ask if there was anything she could do to help.

“I’m sure I could get to hard to reach spots with these,” June had mentioned, waving one of her hands, and Ratchet could not deny that there were occasions that her tiny, precise fingers would be extremely helpful in more delicate procedures.

So they started to set up meetings to exchange their medicinal knowledge. 

Keep reading

Ill admit last week was a dud week. I was waiting to come on my period, ate more than i should have a spent the whole of thursday in bed.

I have beasted this week so far though! Even though i am on and my uterus is torturing me, i walked home from work yesterday (3m), done 6.5 mile on the exercise bike on the incline then went out to meet my friends for a game of pool.

Today i have hiked through so much mud and trudged my way through about 10 miles of forest, and i feel great for it!

Might be going out for tea later but the weather is awful, if we don’t i want a nice bath with Peter and some tlc. I dont care if im on my period, i miss my man and i want to get laid ;)

Im amazed people read my posts! Thank you all so much ♡

i can affirm that this does! impact me a lot more than it should at 20 but i’m not sure if it would contribute much to my basic conversational ability as a whole as far as things happening and a false expressive output goes. normally i cant even find anything to say beyond one pre-established starting point, if even 

edit; i mean actually this involves myself like i cant feel comfortable talking about myself without feeling a constant overlay of pressure like i have to micromanage how much i talk about.. myself and what i say and how it looks and stuff, that would def impact conversations a lot huh……………………………..

worldsmostdangerous  asked:

// ☿: Opinion on gender

Is that really something I should have an opinion on? One does not decide of their assigned gender at birth or what they’re going to feel about it in the years they’ll live. Gender is such a trivial matter, I could be turned a female tomorrow I’d still fundamentally be the same person. I’ve met women that were far stronger than many men and men that were more emotional and maternal than many women. I don’t judge someone based on their sex, but their actions which really defines who they are.”

*inhales deeply*

I                   have                started to crackship Eggmom and Doc-scratch

(blame sometipsygnostalgic and skype chat for that)

It has gone so far that I’ve even made a small lyricstuck for it!!

.   .   .

tadaa!!!!

enjoy

Allow me to present another concerning Anakin/Padme exchange

Anakin: Hey, I’m supposed to be on a meditative retreat. We should get away from here. I know a place far away where no one would recognize us. Ah, it’ll be like we’re actually husband and wife, instead of… senator, and jedi. 
Padme: I- I can’t, Ani.
Anakin: What do you mean, you can’t? Oh, it’s only two weeks. We’ll be back before anyone even notices we’re gone
Padme: I have to bring this bill before the senate. It’s important. 
Anakin: Uh-huh. More important than the way you feel about me?
Padme: *sigh* Not more important, but important! *Anakin rolls eyes* The work I do- the work we both do- is in service to the Republic. To protect those who would be powerless to protect themselves.
Anakin: Of course, but those are ideals. Isn’t our love more important to you?
Padme: But- I-
Anakin: No “but!” To me, there’s nothing more important than the way I feel about you. Nothing. 

etc etc the rest of the conversation is harmless enough. This is the handing-of-the-lightsaber conversation, fyi. Anyway, a few things stood out to me here:

  • Yet another example of Anakin being manipulative. What. A. Guilt. Trip. I get that Padme is famous for putting her duty before her own interests and Anakin was probably intending to get her to think of herself now and then, but the way he guilt-trips her by dangling the nature of their relationship and kind of blaming her… ugh, I cringed. 
  • Anakin… I realize… I think this is another slavery scar for him. I’m trying to think… he doesn’t serve ideals at all, does he? He serves people. I don’t think he cares about being a good Jedi for being a good Jedi, I think he does it for Qui-Gon, for Obi-Wan, those who believed in him, for his mother so her sacrifice wasn’t for nothing. People. When Anakin talks about his love being the most important it’s not so much that as his desperate desire to please her and protect her and keep her in his life. (Before, I wrote a post about Padme representing many positive ideals to Anakin and that was the basis of his attachment to her, and that’s giving me a bit of a conflict here. I’ll meditate on these two ideas and come up with a more conclusive analysis later.) Anyway when he becomes Vader I think he initially doesn’t care so much about the dark side. It doesn’t scare him; he sees it as a tool and not such a scary negative ideal as the Jedi did. He embraces it because he thinks he’s saving Padme, and when she dies he turns to serving Palpatine, and I think the dark becomes a sort of personified master for him after that. He doesn’t see things in terms of serving light or good. He just sees serving. ouch

IM SO DONE WITH SEEING PEOPLE OBSESS OVER TAYLOR’S SEX LIFE. I. DO. NOT. CARE. AND. NEITHER. SHOULD. YOU. SHE IS A PERSON WHO DESERVES PRIVACY AND I KNOW IT FEELS LIKE SHE’S YOUR BEST FRIEND AND YOU SHOULD KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT HER LIFE BUT SPECULATING ABOUT “how far she and calvin have gone” AND “he’s seen more than her belly button” AND “she’s wearing a bra not a bathing suit she feels comfortable stripping in front of him” ARE NOT THINGS I WANT TO SEE AND THEY AREN’T THINGS THAT ARE OKAY TO POST. JUST STOP. PLEASE.

Some days I think Ty is right about needing to get out more. I wish I hadn’t acted on that idea today. I do not like it. The amount of people I have wanted to run over on my bike is far higher than it should be. And yet, I don’t feel like going back to my apartment…

Just for shits and giggles, I figured I’d try out that whole vegan thing my friends are always raving about. I’m gonna be honest, though, it worked out for about an hour, then I decided I wanted a burger, so if anyone’s keeping track, I’m still not vegan, and I feel sorry for any of you who are.

That aside, how is it only Monday? I feel like it should be at least, like, Thursday by now. But, you know, senior year and long days probably go hand in hand, so whatever. Anybody having a more thrilling week than me so far?

I’m saddened to say

that I have really been declining as far as being healthy, fit, and ultimately the person I have worked so hard to be since 2014.

I have let myself go mentally more than physically, but this still has lead to a 20lb weight gain. Not that I have stepped on the scale to really see the damage, but I can feel it in the way my clothes are tighter than before.

Most of you who have kept  up with my progress, whether it’s been since Day 1 or you just followed me yesterday, you should know that I am always 100% honest and real with you about my struggles and accomplishments when it comes to losing weight and being healthy.

I hope you can all still find me to be an inspiration as I refocus on who I am, what I want, and get back on my A game. I promise to keep you all more updated on my progress as I continue to fight again to take off the added weight. 

I love you all. You guys keep me liable and sane and I don’t feel so alone in my struggles.

Besides getting back to eating healthy, I hope to start picking up on my running and hitting the gym more. I also hope to get back into talking with God. For, taking off these pounds is gonna take a lot of prayer (along with sweat and dedication of course!)

Thanks for believing in me. I promise to make you guys proud (again).

Love, Katie

Okay listen up please!!! I need to say some things.

The past few weeks have been really tough for me because outwardly I was still being supportive and yay baby and all that but privately I was having serious reservations about this entire situation since Briana’s family started acting badly toward him. I was so afraid they were going to make this difficult and I guess they still can but Louis tweeting about how happy he is immediately just made me feel so fucking relieved.

So please know if you follow me, I’m 1000000% team baby. As long as Louis is good, I’m good. I feel like I say this far more than I should but there you go. I’m also still team Danielle because she makes Louis happy too.

Bottom line, don’t bother my inbox with stupid because I’m so happy right now I’m not letting anyone bring me down. LOUIS IS A DADDY AND HE IS HAPPY ABOUT IT AND HE TWEETED ABOUT IT AND HE USED LITTLE CUTE EMOJIS AND LIKED CUTE CONGRATS TWEETS AND I MAY NEVER STOP USING CAPS AGAIN OKAY!!

[Translation] BOMB Sep’2015 Matsui Rena special interview

…It took all my free time this past week…if it’s not for Rena, I wouldn’t do it. 

[Status: Rena’s slave]

I translated it from Chinese (but also checked with the original, that’s why it took times)

Not much to say. Enjoy!


The Path of 2588 days

I have been roughly thinking about graduation since 2-3 years ago

- The day of graduation is coming close, what’s your mood right now?

very refreshed. From activities I’ve involved so far, I feel refreshed the most. Everyone around me told me that “your expression have changed” “your face looks softer” I guess my refreshing feeling came out much more than I thought.

- Is it like you have done everything that should be done?

That’s right. There’s still graduation concert, so I couldn’t feel like I have already done it all. But however, as an idol, of course, I have a feeling that “I have done everything I wanted to”

- Let’s sort out timeline before graduation a bit. Exactly when did you think about graduating, since when you officially decided?

I started to think about it 2-3 years ago, vaguely thought about “what should I do after this?” that’s the beginning. Then kept thinking about it little by little. Around 1 year ago, I went to discuss with Akimoto-san “I think like this” then which direction I should proceed, when I should graduate something like that. But at first, he had never granted me approval until recently that he agreed to it.

- What is the reason for graduation?

Since I joined the group, I have always wanted to get involve with acting. Being in the group up until now, I have been gathering many kinds of experience. I could also gain many useful experiences and emotions. However, within myself, when I felt I have already done it all, I started to think about how I can absorb some other things.  So, I gradually had an idea of “let’s get to the world outside” and “Graduation”

- SKE48 is almost 7 years now, if you could pick, for example, Best 5 memories, what would it be?

I couldn’t. Saying “I couldn’t” is a very boring answer *laugh* actually, I didn’t mean it like that but I mean all the memories are special. I couldn’t pick which one is most impressive, could be my graduation concert. Right now there’s nothing in particular, that day and the first debut day might be a huge part of ‘SKE48’ memories in my mind. But if you are talking about happy moments, there are lots!

- If you take a look back, right now, Is there any point that seems “from then on, I have changed” like a turning point?

Turning point, huh…being transferred to Team E is the turning point. That was timely with the time I started to think about graduation. Before then, I was mainly with 1st gen in Team S, everyone has individuality. We just gathered those individual and set the team up with unity. It was ok to do whatever you like. But being in this kind of surroundings suddenly changed to being surrounded by juniors, also got promoted as leader. That made me think “What can we do so our juniors will be better?” and I became very careful “right now, it’s not ok for me to do like this (T/N: do whatever she likes)” it was such a big thing for me. On the other hand, I realized how much I had been spoiled by everyone while I was in Team S. I really loved being a mess *laugh*

Come to think about it, getting in Team E had helped me grow as a person. Juniors really helped me a lot.

- So, let’s get back to the day you announced graduation. That day, on Jun.10,  morning issue of Nikkan Sport revealed the big news that you would officially announce graduation at that night’s ANN.

When I saw that big picture on the cover, it really made me shocked. But because of this report, many people paid attention to listen. Otherwise, there might be some fans that missed this abrupt graduation announcement.  So, we should also thank them (the newspaper). In broadcast, I had plenty of time to express my words. Compared to Theatre, this allowed me to reach more people.  Besides, it might be all the words that I want to say on the last day, Aug.31.

Can’t take “Mae no Meri” as her own song

- For Rena-chan, the last SKE48 single “Mae no Meri” MV also starts with ANN on that day.

Yes. That filming may remain for the rest of my life *laugh*, fortunately, I wore good make-up. Normally, when I host ANN, I used to go without any make-up.

- Please introduce a bit about “Mae no Meri”

Many people around me said “it’s a good song”, I really appreciate that. But, there’re also a lot of people, including members, view it as “my last song”. I, on the contrary, don’t think like that. I think it’s SKE48’s 18th single. Hope everyone could take it as SKE48’s single as it has been.

- By the way, this is the first time you are the solo center.

Yes. Really sorry, this is also not the answer you expected…*laugh*

- Let’s get a bit more lively…*laugh*

Fans also told me like this “why you look so indifferent”. I am really happy that fans are happy for me being center.  I am also glad being center. But while SKE48’s activities continue on, especially around this recent year, I clearly understand that I am still myself no matter where I stand, ones who want to see you still see you no matter where you stand. I believe that no matter you are standing in the third row or in the middle of the first row, for me, there’s no difference. Now, my trust in audiences is stronger than ever before. This is because I had been in various positions in AKB48, in the third row, in the back row, but back in SKE48, I am in the front…because I have experienced this so I have this kind of thought. Originally, this song should cover all precious things in my SKE career. But, in my mind, I still feel that it’s not only my song, it must also be the song that everyone can continue on to sing. Like even I’m not here anymore, it must still be performed in any live. When I thought about this, I just can’t take it as my own. That’s why even though I am the center, and it’s also my last single, but I don’t want to get too full of myself. I hope everyone can view this song unemotionally.

- I see. But “Mae no Meri” lyrics, Akimoto-sensei wrote it from Rena-chan’s image, right?

No, I don’t think so. Sorry I say like this, but I think any hard-working person would be like in that lyrics. So, I just perform this song while holding the thought that it can be applied to any member. If this song can make anyone who listen to it think “I’ll do my best!!”, that’d be the happiest for me.

- Please tell us your opinion about the MV, Is there anything you want to talk?

This time we went to an island in Okinawa, it was intentional surprised party for me. Everyone went ahead of me, I went there the day after ANN. From the morning, everyone started preparing together and then I arrived on the island. Though there are only few minutes of appearance, it was actually cut from the footage that had taken quite a number of hours. This MV show member’s natural posture very well.

- Coupling song “2588 nichi”, it was created for Rena-chan!!

That’s right, this song is for me. “2588 nichi” stands for the number of days from the first day I joined SKE48 to Aug.31 the last day I graduate. It’s a song written about me from Akimoto-sensei’s perspective. I want to pass my feeling on to members, express it to my fans, as in the lyrics. How should I describe it…I really love this song. My favorite is the lyrics. The theme of withered flower, like the flower’s root already withered, but there’s nothing to be sad, it withered only to bloom again next year. My graduation, you may take it as 1 withering time for an idol, but at the same time, it also means “in order to bloom again, you need to prepare from now on, so it’s alright”. The MV is like a flashback to places I’ve been since I joined SKE48. I went to the theatre and when I sang this song, I bursted into tears. In fact, I didn’t intend to cry, but my tears suddenly poured down. I felt like I performed another graduation stage alone *laugh* It’s very beautiful.

- Say, after Rena-chan graduates, the position in “Mae no Meri” would be vacant. Is there anyone you would like to stand there?

Umm, there isn’t. Answer like this may be a bit cold, it’s not about who I want, but I wish that everyone would strive for this position. I think if it’s like this, there’d be a sense of competition. It’d enhance the group level. I am looking forward to it.

- The kenkyusei stage which composed of 7th gen members + 2nd gen draft members has also started. I can scent the new wind is coming.

Everyone is so cute, so shining, overflowed with energy. Fans also sense that and look forward to it. So, if they can continue on with the thought “we will pave our way by ourselves!!” such a strong will like this, the new form of SKE48 would be born. This can also allow them to develop rapidly. I really am looking forward to it.

Really love stage play and movies, aim for the silver screen.

- Let’s talk about after graduation. The direction is to be an actress (役者), right?

I’d like to do acting, so I hope that I could try my best doing it.

- Do you have the goal of being an actress (役者)?

Rather than thinking about how I want, I would say the one I really admire is Aoi Yu-san. Recently, I also think that Tsumabuki Satoshi-san can play a lot of different characters, compared to his image before, it’s 180 degree(totally) changed. With acting skill like that or being able to switch (characters) that much is so impressive. I think I can study from them while watching them.

- Is there any character you would like to try right now? I think your image fits with novelty-type (weird/newtype) character.

Nowadays, there are a lot of this kind of characters…although it’s worth acting, but I would like to try many different roles. My acting skill is not that outstanding, so I think I would head on with each and every character I got.

- Stage plays, movies, dramas…there are many kinds, which one do you particularly want to try?

I want to try it all, but I especially like stage plays and movies. Stage plays need a lot of practice before performance, the atmosphere in each performance is also different. You can’t act totally the same in two stages. I really am interested to this point. I had experienced in movies filming once, I think the time is very dense. You need to stuff the entire story you want to tell within 1 hour or 2, packed full with many contents, however, I was very happy being able to act well in the movie. And of course, I also really love movies, that’s why I also wish to be on silver screen as well.

- It seems you ever talked about travelling to historical places.

Ahhh…I want to see ancient tombs. Regrettably, I still don’t have a chance to go there. I have a lot of things I want to do after graduation, one of them is travelling to see ancient historical remains. And also tea catechins!!

- That is concerning body shape, maintaining the shape, isn’t it?

I absolutely have to take care of it. I need to be able to wear graduating dress beautifully, so I am concerned about my shape. But I also got teased like “are you a bride?” *laugh*

- The time for graduation concert at Toyota stadium is coming closer, may I ask how you want it to be like?

When I got asked “what do you want to do?”… For the whole live, there are many things I want to do. Like “this song have never been performed for sometimes now” or “It would be fun if we perform this song like this” etc. I’m still a bit unclear for myself. Instead of me saying want to do this or that, it would be better to leave it all to staff-san.

- You would cry, right?

I won’t cry *laugh*

- No. No. Would you cry?

I won’t. I hate being damped. It would be good to end it brightly like “haha it was fun” “see ya!“ I think ending like this would be more fun.

- Stage on Aug.31 will be the last performance. Is there any difference between performance in concert and in the theater?

I want this stage to be the end. “Te wo Tsunaginagara” stage’s setlist is really great, “Tooku ni Itemo” at the ending is so beautiful. In the concert before then, I want to create memories together with members and fans, but on Aug.31, it’s the time with Team E that I want to cherish. I really am a strange person. I even said that they don’t have to hold farewell ceremony in the last stage, but I got rejected *laugh*. So, I hope it would be a good farewell.

- Lastly, please say something to the people who are supporting SKE48’s Matsui Rena.

After graduation announcement, I became more realized how much fans concern for my sake. I am so grateful to them. I think joining SKE48 is really a good thing. Have been trying hard until now is really great, too. If graduated members couldn’t do their best, it would make juniors feel uneasy. So over this time, I wish my being could be something juniors can look up to. I want to try my best that fans could say “that graduation is so good”. And I also wish that I could repay everyone who comes to support me as an actress (役者).