i have begun the thing

Announcing the ‘You and I Have Begun to Knit’ Competition!

(Or, as I have begun secretly to call it, the ‘Ultimate Hannigram Knit-Off Grudge Match of Destiny.’  Don’t ask.)

Hello, all!  Because @oftempestsandteacups and I have been having difficulties with writer’s block for a little while, we decided to try something else– and because we both happen to be knitters and utterly ridiculous people, this is what resulted.

The premise is this:  Beginning on the 17th, we will both be knitting something

  • small enough to knit in a week’s time
  • functional
  • that we think Will would give Hannibal, or vice versa
  • based on an existing picture or pattern, and altered in some way to reflect the aesthetic of the show
  • (or as close to that as we can get– who can tell with knitters?  We’re insane.)

On the 24th we will each present our finished products to the Fannibal community at large, and our lovely impartial judges shall decide which one of us is superior in every way.

The loser shall be led in chains through the streets of Rome in a triumphal parade, immortalised in their humiliation… and will write a short fic for the winner incorporating the winning piece.

We haven’t quite got the parameters by which we will be judged hammered out, but one of our judges will be the wonderful @sofancydancy, whose impeccable taste and infallible wisdom is well-established.

Vae victis!  [Woe to the vanquished!]

Let's Make A Mental Illness Inclusive Witchcraft Community

I know I’m not the only one. There are other witches who hide their mental illness on their witchcraft blog. I’ve never personally seen hostility towards the mentally ill in the witchcraft community here, but I still made a whole separate blog for my craft out of fear of judgment.

I have seen other witches vaguely mention their mental health, so I know I am not alone here. I don’t want my personal blog and my witchcraft blog to be separate anymore. My practice IS personal, and keeping them separate takes too much energy. I have already begun posting witchcraft related things on this blog, but I still hesitate reaching out to other witches from this blog.

PLEASE REBLOG if you are a witch who has or is supportive of serious mental illnesses (including but not limited to Dissociative Identity Disorder, Schizophrenia, Borderline Personality Disorder, Bi-polar Disorder, etc.) I want to know who I can safely reach out to.


anonymous asked:

Hey, sorry, this is kind of a weird question, but you're the only person I can think of to come with this to. I've also been a big time fan of Peter Pan ever since I was a kid, but I'm about to graduate high school this Saturday. So I just wanted to ask - from one Pan fan to another... how did you deal with growing up?

Okay first of all, please accept my apology for this delayed response. I’m so sorry that it has taken me so long to reply, but growing up has been hard, so it’s a major reflection to talk about.

Second of all, congratulations! I hope the end of your time in high school went smoothly and that you’re excited about whatever may come next!

As for your question.

Dang, I’ve started to tear up already and I haven’t even started typing.

I’ve said before that the reader is meant to identify with Wendy’s role in the story - ultimately, she realizes that growing up is important and a natural part of life, and she allows herself to be excited about her potential for her future. But I get where Peter is coming from too. The future is scary. Psychological studies have shown that most people are optimistic about the future - we tend to believe things will get better rather than worse. We think the future holds a better job, a happier home, a full family, and so on. But I think many of us are left with the question: what if it doesn’t get better?

In high school, I was a pretty quiet person. I got straight As, I was a model student. I shown most brightly in choir and definitely in theatre. I went through many different ideas of what I wanted to do - author, actor, elementary teacher, even a dentist at one point. But I was the theatre kid. I loved theatre, I’ve done it consistently since I was seven years old, I’ve done dozens and dozens of shows. It was, in a way, the path of least resistance.

In college, as is often the case, others were lit more brightly than I was. It wasn’t a shock, I expected to receive smaller roles and understudies in my first year, but other freshmen were playing John Proctor and Abigail in The Crucible while I was sitting quietly in the back as Ezekiel Cheever, who has maybe ten lines in the whole show. I got my share of leading roles as my time progressed and I was cast every semester - but I just wasn’t ever the gem of the department. My friends were.

I went to school thirty minutes away from my hometown. It was just far enough to get away while still having that safety net. Around my sophomore year, a friend of mine did the Disney College Program and I started getting it in my head that I wanted to go work at Disney too. I’m sure my closely-guarded secret crush on him was related to this, but I also love Disney and it seemed like a natural step. Again, the path of least resistance. I’ve always had a connection to Florida anyway because I was born here, and I also needed the distance from my hometown that Orlando provided to allow me to - pardon the horrible cliche - “find myself.” Let’s say, I needed to… figure some things out.

I’ve learned the most about myself and life in general in my time down here in Florida. I still have a hard time thinking of myself as an adult. I’ve lived with many different roommates, with both positive and negative results. I’ve taken on a lot more responsibility financially, but my dad still covers my phone bill and we all share my sister’s Netflix account. I now live in a house - a real house! - but we rent it from a guy in the Netherlands and it takes a total of five roommates to cover the rent and we have almost zero furniture in the shared spaces because we all came from apartments where the other people owned the couches and tables and chairs.

There’s a lot of yucky things about growing up. Bills are the worst part. I hate cleaning dishes. I don’t mind putting the laundry in but taking it out and folding and hanging everything is a drag. I made spaghetti for the first time a month ago and my first ever grilled cheese two weeks ago. I always put off vacuuming as long as possible. Maintenance for my car is beyond annoying.

But responsibility means freedom. Growing up ties you down in many ways but it releases you in others. Don’t want to make the bed? You don’t have to. As long as you’re happy with an unmade bed, you’re allowed to do that. (I love having a made bed, which is probably shocking to absolutely no one.) Want to eat ice cream for dinner? You can. It’s not great for you, but sometimes you just need some ice cream and now there’s no one to tell you no. And the sucky parts of growing up often yield positive results. That grilled cheese I made? I NAILED it on the first shot, it turns out I make a FANTASTIC grilled cheese, and now I think I’m a gourmet chef every time I butter up a couple pieces of toast and put some Kraft slices between them. Keeping up with the car is rough, especially because I don’t know a thing about cars - but I have a car. I can go wherever I want, whenever I want. I often don’t. But if I wanted to, I could. I probably don’t exercise the freedom that growing up allows as much as I could, honestly.

Growing up is always on my mind. I’m 27. I thought I’d be married by 25 but I am very single with no potential suitor in sight. My dad was my age when I was born. I still text him every time I have a question about student loans or any money thing, really. I feel like I should know all this stuff by now, but every day I learn a little bit more and get a little closer to total responsibility. I hate that I’m this age and can’t afford my own place or even a couch for the place I do have. It’s like the lovely lady says in Finding Neverland about the crocodile’s role in the play. Time is chasing all of us.

The roughest part has been this year. Receiving a Stage III C colon cancer diagnosis at the age of 27 was surreal. When the doctor said the word “cancer,” I had a Hermione Granger response. I was very matter-of-fact, very clinical. When I told a friend that night and said the word “cancer” out loud with my own lips, I broke down in tears. I’m a fully grown man with a job and a house and a beard and I felt like a child inside. I was terrified. I still am. It’s not done, and it’s never going to be. This is something I’ll have to keep checking in on for the rest of my life.

This is a pattern I have begun to notice about being a grown up. Things don’t go away. You fix the car and something else breaks. You empty the dishwasher and fill it right back up. You go to the doctor and find out a diagnosis and now you have to monitor that continuously. You come out to your close friends, you finally come out to your family, you think it’s done, I’m out, I’m free - but you just escape from a tiny cage and found out that that cage was inside another one that is only marginally bigger than the first, and every time you meet someone new, you have to come out again and again and who knows how they’re going to react. I know there’s another Neverland-related simile here but I can’t think of what it is.

I still think grown-up me is someone that exists in the future, not in the present. I still don’t know what I want to do when I grow up. It’s changing all the time. For now, I have enough battles to get through, the job is the least of my concerns. And when I think about my future, if someone were to ask me what I want in the coming years, the job doesn’t even come to mind. I think about my relationships and what I want those to look like. That’s not the case for everyone, but it’s something important I’ve realized about myself.

Here’s a thought: Peter Pan loves being a child because he thinks it brings him freedom. But Wendy sees how trapped Peter is, physically and mentally and emotionally, and realizes that she must return to the responsibilities that await her in adulthood in order to grow and earn that ability to make your own choices. That’s what growing up is. Making your own choices.

I honestly don’t know if I’ve answered your question. I have to tell you though, you’re not alone in this feeling. I’m probably almost a decade older than you and I feel the same way. Growing up is an awfully big adventure. It’s daunting. But if we don’t keep moving forward, we will trap ourselves even further.

I hope this helps, and I hope you’re doing well. I’d love to hear from you about how you’re feeling as we hit halfway through your first summer post-graduation. If I remember right, it doesn’t entirely feel like everything is changing yet because the first summer just feels like part of the school cycle that you’re used to. Autumn is when it feels like the next stage has begun.

I think that’s all I have to say for now. I poured more of my heart out than I expected to. I’m sending faith and trust your way - I’m sure we both need them right now.

i have a soft tummy and acne scars and my voice is not always low and sweet and my clothes are not always well-coordinated or even clean and my lipstick smears and my eyeliner runs and i still get overwhelmed and disappointed sometimes. but some nights i feel lovely and happy and as if, maybe, i’m getting the hang of this whole existence thing, and i’ve begun to realize i have time to get the hang of all this, and i don’t need to be perfect. i just need to be

Just some RyderxLiam fluff

or read it on AO3, if you like

Ryder’s gender is unspecified

“So, a land claim? Something with a view?”

They were on the couch in Ryder’s quarters, getting ready to watch a vid, pocorn and sodas and all. Ryder almost gave Liam the old fist-bump on the shoulder, feeling uncomfortable even considering such an adult concept.

It’s not that I don’t want to get more serious, really.

Liam just seemed so confident and nonchalant, even when mentioning things like marriage, or kids. Ryder didn’t feel nearly as composed when it came to anything concerning Liam Kosta.

Keep reading


SCANDAL; in “GiGS” magazine, Mar 2017 issue - TOMOMI Interview

── When SCANDAL was formed, did you choose to play the bass yourself?

TOMOMI: “When we were recommended to play instruments at the start, honestly, anything was fine. The first thing that came to mind was the guitar, which I tried playing, but it was difficult after all (laughs). When we went to the instruments shop to take a look, I was told that there was something that bore a similar shape (to the guitar), but had 2 fewer strings, so I picked it simply. People at the dance school also told me that I’ll do well with the bass, so that’s how I started off.”

── Did you not ever feel that it is more difficult than the guitar?

TOMOMI: “Doesn’t playing the guitar begin by remembering guitar chords? However, I started off on the bass by remembering single notes, and it wasn’t actually hard to produce a sound. If you pluck it, there’s sound. In such a sense, I didn’t feel it was hard or that I was poor when I first held onto the bass.”

── Did you feel how interesting the bass and being in a band was, being in a world you had not known of before?

TOMOMI: “We’re split 2 and 2 between those who lives in Nagoya, and those who lived in the Kansai region. The only times the 4 of us would meet and play together were during weekends. So when the 4 of us finally get to play together, we’re also finally able to finish up our songs. ‘Ah, so this is how it feels like’. This is true for anyone, but since we really started from zero, I felt that we’ll be able to do more and more by each day, and that was really fun.”

── In that process, you guys got to do more and more original songs, were you also getting more inspired by the members?

TOMOMI: “On the bass? At the start, I’d sing as I play, and the first song that had a completely different vocal melody and bass melody was "Kagerou”, I think. Ah no, I thought that “Kagerou” might be a more troubling song for when I sing as I play. The one that has a different rhythm is “SAKURA Goodbye”. We only just started making our own original songs; There were a lot of bass roots, and the phrases weren’t that difficult. It was a level for someone like myself, who’ve just started playing the bass and whom had to sing as I play. But after that, we had even more of our own songs, and after listening to other songs, I got to know the amount of bass riffs that were in them. It’s not only a rhythmic instrument, but also a melodic instrument, and it’s actually quite deep. I realised that the bass isn’t such a simple instrument after all (laughs).“

── With the bass play in your original songs, the hurdle has gone up.

TOMOMI: "Yes, yes (laughs). But as there’s no short cut, I practiced earnestly. By playing the bass, I also got to gradually know the system that I like. I would want to play a certain phrase of a song, so I’ll copy that. That’s how it went, but I think my awareness for bass play increased through it.”

── As your favourite bassist, did you often devote yourself to (learning from) the Red Hot Chili Peppers’ Flea?

TOMOMI: “When I had zero idea about the bass at the start, the first thing I watched was Flea’s playing. If you’ll pluck the bass, there’ll be sound, but mine would sound like a cry (laughs). All these ways of playing were shocking. I did have plenty of phrases that I liked, but I didn’t feel like they provided any direct influence. A bass play that I really liked all the way, since I started out on the bass, was TRICERATOPS’ Hayashi Koji’s play. It wasn’t super complicated, but he would play a different rhythm on the bass, while singing another during the chorus, and all of that is very technical. His phrases not only left an impression, but they also brought out a lot. As a bassist myself, I thought of wanting to know more of all kinds of phrases.”

── Surely, as a bassist for 10 years, you’ve met with many challenges right?

TOMOMI: “In "Koe”, which MAMI is the main vocalist for, I played a bass phrase actively at the bridge. That was extremely new then for me. Up till that time, I’d be singing along either on the chorus or as the main singer, but in “Koe”, I practically didn’t sing at all, and so, I was able to move as I like, without thinking about having to sing. It was the first time that I was able to play the bass in a bassist-like way (laughs).“

── Other than that song, there was other songs with lines in which you had to move furiously. You’re good at that, aren’t you?

TOMOMI: "Nah, I don’t know about that myself (laughs). If our arranger, Kawaguchi-san arranges it, it does tend to turn out pretty intense on the bass. In the past, I had to practice on that aspect (laughs). When MAMI took to composing songs, and when Kawaguchi-san came in for the arrangement, the rhythmic team would be very intense, as according to MAMI’s wishes, and it’ll be even harsher on the bass (laughs). There’d be more complicated, technical phrases. Even if they might be hard in the beginning, but it was fun slowly getting used to it.”

── As a songwriter, it seems that you gone through a slump about 2 and a half years back. As a bassist, did you not ever go through that?

TOMOMI: “Compared to producing, I never had a point where I felt that terrible about myself. However, I did hit walls too. When I was appearing on "Domoto Brothers” (year 2014), I’d be given the score 2 days before the taping. Whenever I see tough scores, although all the musical notes were written down, I’ll be stumped (laughs). Plus, before the taping, Domoto (Tsuyoshi), Shishido Kavka and myself would meet with the audience as the 'Tsuyoshi Man Sisters Band’, where we would do a bit of a funk session. I never did a session before then, so at the beginning, I wasn’t able to play anything besides the same phrase from start to finish. I was rather down then (laughs). So I went back to listen to Flea’s playing once again, and studied the rock phrases by Tower of Power.“

── After such intense learning, did you feel a sense of release afterwards?

TOMOMI: "Well, rather than feeling released, I felt it was more like I got stronger mentally (laughs). I would enter the venue feeling like they were pretty much family, plus, I was alone and didn’t have all the members of SCANDAL with me. In the beginning, I was very careful, but after half a year passed, I was able to better read the scores gradually, and for our last episode, we did about 17 songs in the style of a live (concert). Still, when I got the score 2 days before, I did think it was insane (laughs), but I also felt that I’ll just do the best I can and my heart felt stronger. From then on, whatever happened, I was no longer as scared. Although I don’t remember if it was my playing that got better or what it was.”

── In these 10 years, you’ve also gotten much attention as a lyricist. You performed shockingly during the earlier days, and was praised for your lyrics just overflowing with personality.

TOMOMI: “Thank you very much. However, I’ve been writing lyrics since SCANDAL was formed. I was really happy when I wrote "Switch”. Last time, be it when it was sadness or happiness, I’ll just write these simple feelings down, simply as they are. But for “Switch”, although it was very flat, it obviously moved hearts in its words. Since I wrote this song’s lyrics, I also got to gradually understand the system I like to work with. But when I want to turn more delicate feelings into lyrics, they aren’t exactly write-able material. Be it sadness or fun, aren’t people usually able to tell their feelings at that moment and just write? But whenever I want to record that and turn them into words, my emotions would get all worked up. I’ll say that it’s nothing, but not write them down as notes, and it’s just iffy. That’s why, it’s easier to give birth to flat lyrics naturally.“

── Do you start off your writing by determining a message you’ll like to convey first?

TOMOMI: "That’ll be something recent. During the earlier days, I’ll listen to the tune and just come up with a single word that comes to mind with that sound or melody, then expand from it, as if it were a puzzle, but it wasn’t like the song is being pulled by a certain theme we wished to convey from the start. For the ones who’ve seen the band grow, they’ll know this, so I feel a bit responsible (laughs). I begun to think that we definitely do have things to convey to such people too, so then I’ll write notes and jot down certain things that the members talked about, and make lyrics out of them. It rings true for "HARUKAZE” too. There was another girls band that was formed at the school, around the same period as us, and that was written for those people. Although we talked about standing on the stage together, but it didn’t go as we planned. In the end, the only one that’s still persuing his/her music dream is the vocalist. It’s not just that person, but there are also people who formed bands after looking at us, and towards those who said they look up to us, I thought that I might have things I want to convey to them too, so I turned those thoughts into lyrics.“

Photos and translation by fyscandalband. I’ll be translating the personal setlist portions next~

‘You say that it is important to have courage and sincerity. Therefore I will drop my fear and ask you the questions deepest and most honestly within me, and I hope you will answer.
How can there be any generalizations about the qualities of man and woman? We are each and every one of us fifty percent man and fifty percent woman, then we must each possess varying degrees of male or female characteristics not dependent entirely on if our physical bodies in this lifetime are born male or female.
I am female but I have always written poetry and I have never been so good at shopping lists. I am female but I have not been suspicious or jealous of man’s love affair with his art. In fact I have more often been in the role of choosing to be with my writing, than choosing to be in relationship leading to home and family. I am female but I feel my creativity and ideas come from strongly within me, and do not look to a man for them.
If I have been uncertain about my wholeness within, I have looked outside but never specifically to someone because of the sex they happen to be.
And I have loved women as well as men—not when no man was available to me, but because I was not looking at the outer illusion of this being man or woman, but feeling the essence of that person within.
I feel these generalizations reinforce our already strong preoccupation with the world of illusion and belief in the physical universe.
You can see you’ve made me angry, so I suppose you have begun to reach me.’

The first thing: generalizations are generalizations. They are not applicable to every single particular human being, that’s why they are called generalizations. The average man does not exist, you cannot find the average man anywhere. But the idea is good, it helps clarity. You cannot find, absolutely corresponding to the generalized idea, a single human being. Human beings come in all sizes and shapes and colours, they are unique. But still, generalization has its own point…

For example, only one single woman has asked the question—there are thousands of women here. Secondly, the very question shows me that Deborah must be very good at making shopping lists. And I am afraid about her poetry too. You can write a shopping list in poetry form. I would have to have a look at her poetry, only then can I say anything. My own experience is that out of a hundred poetries ninety-nine are shopping lists. It does not matter whether they are written by men or women. It is very rare to find poetry.
It is said of a great Zen master, Lin Chi… He had ten thousand monks, disciples, in his monastery. The king had come to see the monastery, he was very much impressed, and Lin Chi was taking him around. And the king asked, ‘How many disciples do you have?’ He said, ‘One in a hundred.’
A strange answer—one in a hundred? But that’s how it has always been. When you have a hundred disciples only one is really a disciple. Ninety-nine are just hangers-around.
Even a great poet, when he writes poetry, ninety-nine times writes only shopping lists. Only once in a while the poetry happens—all poetries are not poetic. And sometimes this too happens, that a shopping list may have great poetry. All shopping lists are not necessarily unpoetic.

But Deborah must belong to the new kind of woman that is arising in the world, the lib woman.
One thing has to be understood: the liberation movement that is going on in the world is a man-created phenomenon, a male-created phenomenon. You will be surprised about it, that it is again a male conspiracy. Now man wants to get rid of women. He wants to have no responsibility. He wants to enjoy women but only as fun; he does not want to take all the other responsibilities that come with it. Now, this is a subtle conspiracy: the man is trying to persuade women all over the world that the woman has to become independent. It is a subtle trick. And the male mind is cunning and the male mind is succeeding. And now many women have become poisoned by this idea.
Do you know? The first persons who started talking about equality between man and woman were men, not women. The first persons who started talking about it, that they should have equal freedom, were men, not women. The seed comes from the male mind. And it has always been so—whenever a man feels what is in his favour, he manages it. His cunning is very subtle. And sometimes he manages it in such a way that the woman thinks she is doing it on her own. In the past also it has been so.
Man has persuaded women in the past that they are pure beings, angels. Man is dirty, boys are boys—but the woman? She is divine. Man has put woman on a high pedestal; that was his trick to control woman. Man has worshipped, and through worship he has controlled. And naturally, when the woman was on the pedestal she thought that she was something divine—she could not do those things that men are doing, she could not, because that was going against her ego. That high pedestal was very ego-satisfying. She was the mother, she was divine; she had more divine qualities than man. Man is ugly, immoral, and all that. Man has to be forgiven for that. So man, down the ages, started remaining in his ways. And the woman was high. But this was a trick, the ego was persuaded. And once your ego is persuaded, you are caught. Then you cannot move from your position. To ask for equality will be a kind of fall—you will have to come down to become equal. It was a strategy, and the woman followed it. She remained pure, she remained virgin up to the marriage. It was not so for the man.
If the woman died, the man was allowed to marry again—because boys are boys, they cannot live without the woman. If the man died, the woman had to remain a widow for her whole life. Or, in this country particularly—which did this strategy to the very logical end—she had to commit suicide. She had to burn herself alive with the husband. And millions of women did it. How were they persuaded? And do you think they were forced? No, nobody was forcing them. There was no visible coercion, just a very deep seduction. By becoming SATIS, by going into the fire with the husband, their egos were fulfilled. Greatly fulfilled—people worshipped them. When they entered into the fire, thousands of people would gather together and sing songs in praise of the purity of woman. And if a woman did not go with the husband into the fire, did not commit suicide, she was condemned, utterly condemned. She was a bad woman. Just by trying to be alive, she was a bad woman. She was disrespected; she would fall immediately in the eyes of others, she would lose all respect. Her life would become a hell. She would be condemned everywhere, she would not be welcomed anywhere. She would be thought of as a bad omen. In no marriage would she be able to participate. If a child was born and people were celebrating, she would not be able to participate. She would not be allowed to decorate her body, to use beautiful clothes or ornaments or have long hair—no, she had to live in an ugliness, and condemned from everywhere. It was worse than death. So it was better to jump into the fire once and for all, and have the respect. And temples were raised in the memory of those women. And those women were thinking that they were doing it.
What I am making clear is that those women down the ages were thinking that they were doing it, on their own. And it was not so. Now again the same is happening, in the reverse order. In the West, man has persuaded women that ‘Now you have to be free, you have to be equal.’ Because now things have changed, times have changed—a man would like to enjoy more women than just his wife. Now he wants absolute freedom. And the only way to have absolute freedom is to give absolute freedom to the woman. And he has persuaded her again. And now the woman protesters and libbers, they are shouting with their whole heart for liberty and equality. And they don’t know they are again in the same grip: again man is persuading them. Now man wants to use them and throw them, with no responsibility attached to it. If you look deeply into the whole matter of it, you will be surprised. The male mind is a cunning mind. The woman is more innocent; she cannot be so strategic, so political, she has always believed the man. And you will be surprised: these lib women are again believing in the man! Nothing has changed. Now THIS is in favour of the man that you should be free and you should not ask for any commitment. He does not want to commit himself, he wants to have all freedom. He does not want to take the responsibility of your children. He does not want to live with you forever, he wants to change his woman every day. But now again he is creating beautiful words: ‘One should live in no commitment. One should live without involvement. One should not be possessive, one should not be jealous.’ Now again he is creating beautiful philosophy. He has done it before too—and then too women were deceived, and again they are going to be deceived.
Women trust. Trust is easy for them; love comes easier to them than logic. And they are very much concerned with the immediate. The man always thinks of strategies, tactics, what will happen, how it will happen—he thinks of the future, he plans for the future.

Now, Deborah repeats at least five times in this question: ‘I am a female’. Is there some worry? Is there some doubt? There must be. One thing has to be told to you: just by being in a female body one need not be a woman. Just by being in a male body one need not be a man. Man and woman are more states of the mind.
There are men who are psychologically not male but female, and there are women who are psychologically not women but men. These are the people who create many problems, because they cannot be heterosexual. Heterosexuality has no appeal for them, they have to be homosexuals or lesbians. Their psychology is different from their physiology; their biology and their psychology have a gap in them, unbridged. And there is going to remain a problem with them. In fact in a better world, in the future world—soon, I think by the end of this century—things will be easier. Because if a man is deep down psychologically feeling himself a woman, it is better to go through an operation and become biologically also a woman. Or if a woman is feeling deep down a male, it is better to go through an operation, plastic surgery, and become a man, so it can be bridged. Once this becomes possible, homosexuality and lesbianism will disappear from the world. Otherwise it cannot disappear, because it has a certain reason in it. The man looks a man from the outside; deep down he is not a man, he is a woman. His deeper woman wants a man—hence the homosexual.
And there is a third category also: confused people, who don’t know who they are. In the morning they are women, by the evening they are men. The difference is so small that they shrink; they become bisexuals. One moment they are loving a woman, another moment they are falling in love with a man. Their psychology and biology is in a state of mess; they will live a very confused life. Science can now help these people too, to make things clear.
Now, repeating again and again that ‘I am a female’ creates suspicion. Why so much concern about being a female? Once would have been enough. Even once was not needed—your question would have said that you are a female. And not an ordinary female, a libber.

Let me read the question: ‘You say that it is important to have courage and sincerity. Therefore I will drop my fear and ask you the questions deepest and most honestly within me…’ Now, what kind of questions are deepest and honest in you? Just think of the whole crap of it. These are the deepest questions? I am talking about Ikkyu and Buddha, and these are the deepest questions. And to ask these questions you needed great courage and sincerity!

‘How can there be any generalizations about the qualities of man and woman?’ Generalizations are not possible about ANYTHING, because no individual will fit them. But still, generalizations are meaningful; they simply indicate.
When I say a woman is more concerned with the immediate, I am not saying anything about a particular woman—Deborah, or anybody else. I am simply saying it about WOMANNESS, that womanness is concerned with the immediate. And if you are not concerned with the immediate then something somewhere in your womanhood is missing. That is very essential to femininity: the concern for the immediate, the imminent. But generalizations are generalizations, remember it. And there will be differences between individuals. But the meaning of a generalization is just to indicate a certain quality. It doesn’t say anything about particular individuals, it simply says the quality of being a woman is immediateness.
I would like to see Deborah’s poetry, because there is a possibility there may be that immediateness in the poetry itself. The poetry may be concerned with the imminent, the herenow; it may not be concerned with the ultimate. And the question also shows it—her whole concern is her womanhood. She says, ‘This is my deepest and the most honest question arising in me.’ Buddhahood, God, they are faraway questions. Her whole concern is with her body, her womanhood. It is not just an accident that women are standing before the mirror for hours. Their concern is immediate; they are more concerned with the body than with the soul. They are more materialistic than spiritualistic. They are more factual than fictitious.

‘I am a female but I have always written poetry and I have never been so good at shopping lists. I am female but I have not been suspicious or jealous of man’s love affair with his art. In fact, I have more often been in the role of choosing to be with my writing, than choosing to be in relationship leading to home and family.’

Now, these are complex things.
The atmosphere is such that a woman has to be equal with man. She has not to be interested in the home, family, children, motherhood. She has to become interested in poetry, in literature, in painting, in science, in technology, this and that. Now women’s groups gather together around the world to raise their consciousness. And all their consciousness-raising sessions consist of only one thing, that they have to destroy something deep in their womanhood. Only then can they compete with men. They are soft, naturally soft. They cannot compete with men. If they want to compete with men they will have to become hard. So whenever you come across a lib woman you can see the face loses softness. It is very difficult to say to a lib woman, ‘Baby’—very difficult. And she will be angry too, she will not like it. Why ‘Baby’?—she is equal to you. Hardness arises. All kinds of struggle give hardness.
And you may be trying not to be interested in the home, because if you become interested in the home then you cannot compete in the world. If you become interested in children you cannot compete in the world; then that becomes a distraction. And if you have to compete in the world and prove that you are as strong as men, you have to somehow become more like men. And this will be a loss. This is a loss—because the only hope for humanity is the softness of woman, not the hardness of man. We have suffered enough from the hardness of man. What is needed is that man should become more like woman, rather than woman becoming more like man.
Nietzsche is right when he says that Buddha and Christ were a little womanish. I agree. And this is how it should be—because Buddha is the hope. Men should become a little more womanish, more soft, more waterlike. But what is happening is very unfortunate, women are trying to become like men. Naturally, with whomsoever you compete, you try to become like that. If you are antagonistic against men, sooner or later you will become more like men.
Women are pulling against themselves, trying hard to manage. But that is not natural. The natural is the womb in the woman—that womb hankers for a child, that womb hankers for a home. The home is the visible womb outside the woman, it is a projection of the inner womb. Once a woman is no more interested in the home, she is no more interested in her womb. And that womb is there.
Men and women are NOT equal, because man is missing that womb. How can they be equal? I am not saying they are unequal, but I am certainly saying they are not equal. They are so different—how can they be equal? They are polar opposites. They are so different, they cannot be compared in terms of equality or inequality.
A woman is a woman, a man is a man. And they SHOULD remain man and woman. A woman should remain interested in the home, because once she stops being interested in the home she will stop being interested in the womb, in the child. And then naturally she turns into a lesbian. It is not accidental that libbers become lesbians. Because if you are not interested in the womb and not interested in the child, then for what to be interested in men? Then it is good to be interested in women. This is a very strange phenomenon that is happening in the world.
My own understanding is this, that man has to become a little more feminine. He has gone too far away in becoming a man, he has lost track of all humanity. Don’t follow him, don’t compete with him—otherwise you will be going on in the same rut, in the same routine. You will become warlike. And the libbers screaming and shouting and protesting on the streets are just ugly. They are showing the worst traits of the male mind.

And the last thing: ‘You can see you have made me angry, so I suppose you have begun to reach me.’ Now I must have made you even more angry. Fall in love with me!

—  Osho
Dorm Room

lyvesd3q Submitted:

I am a college freshmen and I live in a single in one of my university dorms. I am scared shitless to be in my room because weird things have recently begun happening.

I hear strange noises, I can feel someone/something watching me, and I saw a moving black shadow on the walls when looking through the mirror (while I was alone). I have been touched, and once or twice I have heard a deep growling. I recently have been engulfed in nightmares involving a demonic possession or seeing my friends and family die. My room has this dreadful, unpleasant feeling. 

I figured it was my imagination until I woke up with scratches along my shoulder blades (where I cannot physically reach) one morning about two weeks ago.

I am now “couch-hopping” every night between locations because I am afraid to sleep in my own dorm room. 

Does anyone have any helpful advice for getting rid of this person/thing in my room?

Fuck Yeah Moderator Gracie: 8/10 I don’t have any advice sorry! But I’m sure one of our followers has some advice. Thanks for the chills and scares!

The Suffragette: Part Six

Summary:The reader suddenly finds herself going from being in early 20th century London to 21st century New York. Struggling to adapt and trust again she finds herself turning to the one man no one expected her to turn to, the deadly ex-assassin Bucky Barnes.

 Word Count: 2199

 Warnings: Apart from maybe bad nightmares, none!

 Part One     Part Two    Part Three    Part Four    Part Five

 It feels like forever since I confessed to myself my feelings towards Bucky but in reality it has been a matter of mere days. Time seems to drag on when I’m around him which is always and I have begun to get easily flustered when he does simple things like hold my hand or hug me that before my self-realization had absolutely no effect on me. The only time I have now to catch my breath and calm down is at night but even then it’s impossible, kept awake by the torturous nightmares that bring me out in a cold sweat and make me afraid to close my eyes again. The last and only time I had a peaceful nights sleep was that of my first night in the compound when I was with Bucky. It is from this I conclude, lying awake once again at stupid o’clock in the morning, that Bucky is the reason I slept so well and that if I’m going to have another night like the first I must find reason to sleep in the same bed as him.

 Lost in the thoughts of one of many plans to get into bed with Bucky (not like that!!) I almost don’t hear the screams coming from the floor below me. I’m so lost in fact that the first time I hear them I am sure that I’m just hearing things and turn my mind back to my plan. When I hear it a second time I know I can’t be hearing things because even my imagination couldn’t conjure sounds like that. I stumble out of bed and, already in my pyjamas, make my way tiredly to the door and pull on it. Locked. ‘FRIDAY’ I call out to the AI ‘can you unlock my door?’

‘No problem Miss (Y/L/N)’ she replies. When I hear the door click I yank it open and half run half walk to the lift and ask FRIDAY to take me to the floor below. That’s when my sleep deprived self realises that’s Bucky’s floor and my heart begins to race and my palms start to become slippery with sweat. I’m still hearing screams when the doors of the lift open but they’re clearer and now I can hear how heartbreakingly pained they sound, I almost scream myself just hearing them. Steve’s stood outside his door. I’m confused, if they’re best friends why isn’t he inside Bucky’s room helping him? How can he bear to be out here when his friend is so clearly suffering in there? I march up to him about to demand answers to the questions forming inside my head and he extends an arm out in front of himself as if trying to block my way. I stare at him, no longer confused but angry at how he is letting Bucky feel so much pain and how he’s stopping me from getting to him.

‘He can get violent in his nightmares (Y/N) it’s best if we wait until they’re over so no one gets hurt and see to him afterwards’ Steve explains but this doesn’t lessen my anger nor my need to help Bucky. ‘I know Bucky, (Y/N), he would never forgive himself if he ever did anything to hurt you. He-’ Steve stops as though he was about to say something he shouldn’t and presses his lips together. Once again his words don’t change how I feel.

‘He won’t hurt me. I know he won’t. Besides he was there for me when I had a nightmare it’s the least I can do’. Steve frowns at me and sighs deeply.

‘Fine, go. It’s your funeral’.

‘Whatever’ I retort as I push past him and run to Bucky’s room. Thankfully the door is unlocked this time.

Bucky. He’s thrashing around in his sheets, a sheet of sweat is making his face shine in the dim light and his chest is heaving with his all-consuming cries. ‘(Y/N)’. When I hear him choke out my name I am roused from my stupor and I rush to his side.

‘Yes Bucky, I’m here’, I reply trying to squash the tears forming in my eyes, threatening to spill over.

‘No stop’ he gasps and I realise he’s still dreaming. About me? ‘Please, don’t hurt her. I’ll do anything just don’t hurt her’. My thudding heart feels like it’s going to burst through my rib cage. I grab his shoulders and start shaking them violently in an attempt to wake him. When he feels my hands on his shoulders his hands fly up and clamp down on my wrists, his eyes suddenly wide and petrified.

‘It’s ok’ I whisper ‘I’m here’. I look at him pleadingly and my voice seems to pull him back to reality. He blinks, let’s go of my wrists and releases a heart wrenching sob. I lean down and hold him tightly to my body, rocking him gently to try and calm him down.

He pulls away and looks at me again, the terror replaced by relief. ’(Y/N)?’ He rasps my name disbelievingly and I can’t find my words so I just nod at him, giving him a watery smile. ‘Stay’ he begs. Once again I nod furiously and he moves to one side, a silent plea me to get in so I do. He wiggles across to me and turns on his side, I do the same and he looks down at me before wrapping his arms around me and clutching me to his chest. I rest my hands and head on his chest trying to calm my frantic heart and slow my breathing. Closing my eyes, I find it in myself to smile as Bucky’s fingers trace shapes lightly on the exposed skin on my back.

I wake up before I open my eyes and I feel someone watching me. Remembering that I’m in Bucky’s room I slowly open my eyes and turn my head to face him and am caught off guard when I see him staring intently at me. A brief panic washes over me, what if he doesn’t remember last night and thinks I just got into his bed? The panic is almost immediately extinguished when he smiles softly at me. 'What?’ I whisper smiling back at him. He shakes his head slowly. 

'Nothing, you’re just so beautiful’. I roll my eyes at him, hoping to cover my true reaction and hoping the heat I feel in my face isn’t showing itself on my cheeks. 'It’s funny, I had no nightmares last night after you came. It’s like you stop them completely’.

'Maybe I should sleep in here more often’ I say almost jokingly, trying to cover up how much I want to stay with him.

'Would you really?’ I’m taken aback by his absolutely serious response. 'I mean, I would like that, if you don’t mind’.

'Of course’ I reply, 'you stop my nightmares too we’ll be helping each other’. I give him a small smile and he throws a wide grin back at me, sending my heart into a fitful pounding. He lifts his hand up and brushes a lock of hair from off of my face, tilts my chin up and presses his forehead to mine. At this point my heart feels like it’s going to burst and I have to get away before I pass out.

'I have to go’ I whisper and see his face fall in disappointment. 'I need to get dressed’ I justify and break away from his hold. Throwing the covers off of myself, I leap out of his bed and leave without looking back.

Stood in the lift I bury my head in my hands and swallow down the lump rising uncomfortably in my throat. Just grow up, I say to myself, he doesn’t feel the same just move on. I sigh at the truth of this and when the lift pings and the doors open I rush to my room, slamming the door behind me. I go to my closet and my knees give way. Sinking to the floor, I bring my knees up under my chin and once again put my head in my hands.

'Hey’ I look up at the voice to see Wanda hovering in the doorway. ‘Are you ok?’ I haven’t really become very close to Wanda, or any of the rest of the team, but she seems kind and sweet so I feel compelled to trust her.

'Not really, no’ I reply, trying to keep my answer short, afraid that my voice will break and I’ll just start crying.

'Is it Bucky?’ I frown at her confused at how she got it right so quickly. 'I’m just guessing, he is the only one you talk to.’

'Sorry’ I say guiltily.

'It’s fine I understand that this whole thing is hard for you. Now what’s he done?’

'It’s not him’, I explain, 'it’s me’.

'I doubt it’.

'It really is. I-’ I stop, unsure whether or not to tell her.

'It’s ok you can trust me, I won’t tell him’ she reassures.

'I’m in love with him’ I blurt out, my face flushing crimson. Wanda’s face softens and an excited grin spreads across her face.

'Awwww’ she gushes 'you guys are perfect for each other. Wait why are you so sad about it?’

'There’s no way he feels the same. We’re just friends, always will be. It’s fine though I’m happy just to be his friend’. Wanda frowns and sits down next to me.

’(Y/N) he’s absolutely and completely infatuated by you. You must be blind not to see it’ I shake my head. 'Honestly you should have seen him before you arrived. He ignored everyone, locked himself in his room and only came out when he was going training with Steve and then you arrive and he smiles for the first time, laughs even. The first time we saw you two together laughing with each other we couldn’t believe it. He’s really become so much happier since the day you got here. If you’re not ready to tell him that’s fine but don’t rule out the idea that he doesn’t feel exactly the same.’ When Wanda finishes her mini speech tears are staining my cheeks and she gives me a tight hug.

'Thank you’ I say. It feels good to lift some of the weight of my situation off of my chest and I feel much closer to Wanda now. I’m finally making friends, I think to myself. When Wanda gets up to leave, I’m still unconvinced that Bucky feels the same but at least I have someone to talk to about it now. I stand up and get dressed with a spring in my step, feeling physically lighter.

Wanda’s POV

I almost skip to Steve’s room after speaking to (Y/N). I feel a bit guilty but I said I wouldn’t tell Bucky not Steve, besides this is best for her. I knock on his door and wait, bouncing on my toes in my excitement. When the door opens I run in squealing and Steve closes the door quickly behind him and tells FRIDAY to lock it.

'Well?’ He asks. I pause for tension, grinning from ear to ear.

'She feels the same’ I sing and Steve joins me in grinning widely. 'She won’t tell him though, I know she won’t so he’ll have to make the first move’.

'He texted me a few minutes ago. He’s tried making a move but he said she ran away.’

'He’s got to tell her before he does anything. What exactly did he say to you?’

'He said, and I quote, 'I’m so in love with her it hurts. When she’s not near me, I feel like there’s a hole where my heart should be. I can’t imagine life without her, at least not a life worth living’’ Steve recites this perfectly, his incredible memory serving him well. ‘He’s got it bad Wan’.

'We need to help them out, they’ll never get there on their own’.

'I know’ Steve sighs 'I just don’t like interfering with his life’.

'You want to see him happy, yes?’ I question demandingly. Steve nods. ’(Y/N)’s his one chance at true happiness. Haven’t you noticed that he is only happy around her? Nothing makes him smile like she does. Helping them is best for both of them. So what’s the plan?’

'Stark’s finished her uniform and knowing him it’ll be fairly tight fitting. I could bring him down, tell him we’re going training and get him to see her in it. That could be enough of a push to get him to talk to her’.

'Hmm it could work, or it could intimidate him even more. I’d imagine she looks hot as hell in skin tight Lycra, what if it frightens him off? He’s not the ladies man he used to be Steve, you know that better than anyone.’

'I’m willing to take that risk. On the off chance it works Bucky might at least be happy for once and that’s something he deserves’.

'Ok’ I say decisively, 'Operation get Bucky and (Y/N) together is ago.’

Keep reading

I have the story all mapped out and I’m proud of where its going but I didn’t when I begun and now I have so many loose threads and things I can’t be bothered putting the energy into solving and I hate the tone, i WISH it was funnier and lighter and just…. URGH. I wish it was better! 

foggyfriday replied to your post “Hey, so this is gonna be a long, messy request for advice on dealing…”

so sorry to hear about that, have you tried going to counseling? Maybe talking it out with someone to mediate would help

I’ve thought about doing that before, but the thing about talking it out with my mom is that inevitably she makes it about how horrible and victimized she feels (many of our so-called “arguments” have begun with me saying things like, “hey, i know you mean well, but it hurts me when you say statement X; i’d prefer that you say phrase Y instead”). She already acts like I’m ambushing her any time I so much as imply that I might not be 100% happy with our relationship; I’m certain that adding a therapist to the mix would worsen that problem.

I am talking with a therapist regularly on my own, so I do have that. But for now I’m mostly looking for advice on how to temporarily manage my anger until I work up the emotional fortitude to actually have these hard conversations with her. Because being angry all the time is exhausting.

being in love with me is easy. i will kiss you all the time, I will compliment you a lot, I will hug and cuddle you at every given chance, I will be silly with you, I will joke with you, I will take a million pictures of you and us, I will give you little things that made me think of you, I will tell you when I’m thinking of you, I will always think of you, you will be in all my thoughts, I will worry endlessly about you, I will always try to make you smile, I will always do my best to make you happy, I will always want you to be happy, I will always support you, I will always be there for you when you need me, I will give you space when you need it, and I will love you unconditionally. being in love with me is easy.

being in love with me is hard. I am clingy, I’m too touchy, You don’t like pictures, you will wonder why I need all the pictures, I will think of you too often, I need to much reassurance, I have a never ending need for reassurance, I will sometimes need you in the middle of the night, I have an inability to be serious, everything is a joke to me, if I have a thought I will share it with you no matter how insignificant, I will try too hard, I am too inconsistent, I will seem like I don’t care but I do, I will care too much, I will do everything I can to make you happy, I will love you unconditionally. being in love with me is hard. 

i have begun to worry that the things that make me easy to love will be the things that make me hard to love. i am not enough and never will be. 

Inspired by @deheerkonijn ‘s awesome and hilarious Aggressive Hufflepuff Arthur Au, here’s Merlin, the Slytherin with the dorkiest Hufflepuff boyfriend in the castle!

What is he looking at? Arthur. What’s Arthur doing for Merlin to be looking at him like that? Probably trying to look cool but failing, but who knows? I don’t, haven’t drawn it yet.