i have awesome friends who do awesome things and i love them

In case some followers are wondering

I never thought I’d actually post about this, but I feel kinda bad. I think it’s the right thing to do to sort of explain this. Please be patient with me.

I have almost 3k followers, and I am only following 55.
I have wonderful, wonderful people who follow me. I keep in contact with them and they support me. They’re just all around awesome.

Yet, I’m not following them back.

Other times, it’s awesome budoblr blogs I’ve seen around who support and/or follow me. And yet, I don’t follow back.

I really want to say sorry. Cause I do it to EVERYONE. Even those I talk to nearly every day on here. Even those who’s blogs I love.

I find it hard to explain.
It stems from my symptoms from Borderline PD.
I cannot, and I mean CANNOT, stand the thought of following someone only so that they can unfollow or quit talking to me.
I’ve had people who follow me and talk to me, and it doesn’t last long. I’ve had people I’m mutuals/friends with who have followed me for an extensive period only to suddenly unfollow. Other incidents include that karate-n incident who most are aware of, times when they’ve suddenly just left me or times when they’ve unfollowed due to me having BPD. It all really make me somewhat paranoid to even follow people sometimes.
(And not that I only follow people I’m in contact with and who follow me).

Sometimes it’s even more difficult for me to follow back if they talk to me often cause of how terrified I am.
Additionally, I’ve noticed I do this more to the budoblr and martial arts peeps on here, most likely because of my experience with my old instructor and other unfortunate experiences.

I have this immense fear of it, and it all stems down to my abandonment and rejection symptoms from bpd. If you don’t know what that is, I suggest simply reading some of my awareness posts about it or to find a decent source(s) online (can be hard to find).

I do indeed follow back after some time. Sometimes I even forget. And I don’t mean anything bad by it. I plan on looking back at some point too.
I just want to say that once I feel safe and comfortable after some time, I finally follow back to some people.

Just something I wanted to address

Hey internet! There’s something that’s been going on recently, that I personally do not understand and find horrible, so I wanted to talk about it! To start, there’s this awesome blog called @uchihahotline and it’s run by two awesome people called Rose and Kevin! They cosplay as Sasuke and Sakura, and that’s so amazing for any Naruto fan, or anime fan in general! Both of them are such great people and create such brilliant things for their followers. But for some reason I don’t understand, Rose has been getting a lot of hate recently. I think it’s important for everyone who uses social media to get that the internet is meant to be a lovely place to share your creations, and to find the creations of others! It’s a place to make friends! Hating people for no reason is not a part of that. Even if you have a different opinion, if it’s negative, you should keep it to yourself. Nobody should ever have a goal to hurt other people. Especially people as amazing, kind, and talented as Rose! Words hurt, no matter if you say them online, or face to face. Please be smart and kind with what you say, because being nice to each other is so important. I hope that Rose feels better, as a person as genuinely kind as her does not deserve any of this. Thanks for reading!

-Charlotte (fullmetal-phan)