i have an oven

sterlingsilverchampion  asked:

Who is the better cook B)

Doodles VS Steven

“Do we even really need to go over this one?”

“…I mean it’s not like you’re the best cook”

“Hey look I’ve only just started living by myself, you’re a 36 year old man”

“Age is not an excu-”

“You’re RIGHT, Steven… So how come you can’t even cook yourself something simple like Spaghetti Bolognese without burning something?”

“Well it took you AN HOUR to cook pasta from a ready made packet today”

“MY STOVE WOULDN’T BOIL THE WATER EVEN THOUGH IT WAS SET TO THE HIGHEST TEMPERATURE. I have to make do with a stove and oven that’s who knows how old and good, I’m a poor student. I’m not a rich businessman who could easily afford the best kitchenware and cooking lessons from a 5 Star Chef. At least I didn’t set pasta on fire because I didn’t know you had to add water first”

“….That was ONE TIME”

I see a lot of posts about people feeling embarrassed, like, about everything, all the time, being embarrassed is I guess a huge part of some people’s lives. well listen

my girlfriend left her shoes in the middle of the living room floor, so I hid them in the oven drawer. because I thought it was a drawer that you could like–store things in?? I don’t know, I somehow made it to this point in my life without knowing that the fire happens in there. then I forgot I’d done it, and like, two days went by.

so the next time we went to make dinner, the shoes caught on fire.

then the oven caught on fire

then our whole house was full of black smoke

then the NYC firefighters had to come out to our apartment. there were like six of them.

half the people in our building came out of their apartments to find out what was going on, and if they were going to die or if they needed to evacuate their cats or something

and then an actual, New-York’s-finest firefighter looked me wearily in the eyes and said “try not to keep shoes in your oven” as he left.

and now we need a new oven.

and I would say that I felt…mild embarrassment? I experienced a patina of chagrin. “whoops,” I thought to myself, as the firefighters tromped off and the firetruck drove off into the night. “I should probably have known that about oven drawers.” then I bought my girlfriend a new pair of shoes, since I’d burned her old shoes. then we ordered a pizza.

if I can not feel embarrassed about that, I hope you guys can take heart.

ok but listen to me i know andrew is meant to have the emotional capacities of a toaster oven and i know he’s supposed to be all dead inside but don’t tell me that andrew isn’t the most sappy little shit in his own unique way bc like,,,

  • he literally dresses neil up everytime they’re having a night out?? like he actually takes the time to go out and pick something nice out for him to wear like whaaa. 
  • here take the keys to my home & oh btw i had duplicate keys made for you so you can drive my car around like whenever you want to so yea feel free also here are some custom made arm bands that match mine to like a tee 
  • he has no problems choosing his boyfriend over his brother 
  • “you are a pipe dream.“ 
  • he GIVES HIM A BATH ?!?! he towel dries him after??
  • he HelPS neil out of his t-shirt when he’s too sore to manage it by himself?? 
  • he’s so weak for neil that he’s constantly reaching out to touch him?? i mean c'mon people he was tapping his fingers against the pulse point of neil’s throat, i mean who does that, even with their crushes, who does that???? esp when it’s important to note he doesn’t normally enjoy physical contact & rarely ever initiates it but the tHIRST is rEAL !!! 
  • shitty middle school level flirting: "i’m not a math problem,” “but i’ll still solve you” “i need a new toy to play with” “i don’t like to share” like affghs this boy
  • matching phones, matching RINGTONES, wtf andrew we know you’re a twin but does everything have to come in twos??
  • he’s all about that rooftop romance aesthetic, chain-smoking at 2 am, trading retorts and kisses in the dark
  • he likes wearing fuckign skull caps. skull caps.
  • he has a thing for long drives 
  • he kissed neil like the world started & stopped at neil’s mouth, yea, you remember that line?? me too. i almost birthed my kidney when i read it.
The signs as memes

Aries: do you crave that mineral

Taurus: pepe

Gemini: I’m a snerson (snake person)

Cancer: I’m a snerson (snail person)

Leo: blowing the trumpet and slamming the oven door

Virgo: RICKROLLING

Libra: I’ve never heard of a George Glass at our sküle

Scorpio: left shark

Sagittarius: inappropriate audition songs

Capricorn: *looks at smudged writing on hand*

Aquarius: I came out here to have a good time and I’m honestly feeling so attacked right now

Pisces: putting things in that weird-ass advertisement frame

Boner

2,500 Followers Oneshot

Summary: The reader moves into a new town and finds out something surprising about her gorgeous neighbor.

Prompt: “I’m not sure if you’re trying to turn me on but I have a boner now.”

Pairing: neighbor!Dean x Reader

Requested: @whispersandwhiskerburn


Change.

You’ve never despised a word so much in your god damn life. It mocks you, rips every little aggravation from the world and throws it right into your fucking face. It’s turned your life completely and totally upside down. Then it spun you the fuck around just to make sure you’re officially screwed.

Having just moved from New York two weeks ago, you can now call Nashville home. Forget a different state, you feel like you’re in a freaking different reality. The friendly residents alone throw you for a loop. You’re slightly convinced that they have some ulterior motive. Then again considering the shady fuckers in your past, you could just be paranoid. 

Growing up in a big city has given you a tough exterior that the men around here seem to be intimated by. It must be the way you carry yourself, also the permanent bitch face that you’ve acquired over the years.

Keep reading

dick grayson is so aware of being a comic book character sometimes, some weird alien magic exotechnology event will happen, someone will attempt to explain it to him, and he’ll go “yeeeeah… i have taquitos in the oven so how about we name it Weird Event Number Three Hundred and Eight Dash Bravo Charlie Foxtrot Before Halloween and call it a day”

10

77 Objects - Industrial Oven Menu Set


All the interactive features can be used normally

Please read the usage method

1. Can only be put into a group at a time (A menu + a crack fix file)

2. Must be used with “It’s Business Time Industrial Oven”
    (I have attached sim3pack to the folder)

3.This is a cracked item, so there must be a corresponding crack repair file
   (I have attached to each folder)

請務必閱讀使用方式

1. 一次只能放進一組至遊戲中(一個菜單+一個破解修復檔)

2.必須與"正經工業烤箱"一起使用
   (我有附上工業烤箱的水晶檔)

3.這算是破解的物品,所以必須有該對應的破解修復檔
   (我已經附加在每個文件夾中)

Hope you guys will like it~


77 Objects - Industrial Oven Menu Set - Download




Just the first POST picture I do not know why blur …
So I cut the picture and post it again

luminatinggalaxies  asked:

Since requests are open, do you think you guys can do one with the RFA+V+Saeran and their reactions to MC who is pregnant with their kid/kids? They can find out either from MC telling them or finding out by themselves. Thank you! Side note: I am absolutely in love with your blog, you guys are doing such a great job, I'm pretty sure you guys know this<3 Keep up the good work.

Anon said: for RFA + Saeran + V, they have been trying for a baby for awhile, Mc has wanted to surprise them but they find the pregnancy test first and you can take it from there~


These two were very similar so we kind of mixed them together. Hope you like them!


Zen:

  • You buy one of those mugs that has text written inside at the bottom
  • This one says, “Number #1, Dad!”
  • You fill it coffee one morning and tell him it’s a special mug
  • He thanks you and starts drinking it
  • It’s really hard for you to stay calm…because he’s really drinking it slowly
  • Then all of a sudden he jumps up and says he has to go
  • You look into his cup and literally he has one sip left that’s hiding the message
  • “You sure you don’t want to finish one sip?”
  • “No, thank you though. All the sugar is on the bottom so it’s too sweet. I never finish.”
  • You sigh as he rushes away to get ready
  • You’re trying to think of how to tell him again, when he bursts out of the bathroom and runs back to you
  • It takes him a few minutes to speak, but finally he stammers out
  • “Y-you’re pregnant?!”
  • You stare at the bottom of the cup confused
  • Did he just realize it?
  • He tells you that he saw the pregnancy test on the bathroom counter
  • You facepalm realizing you left it out
  • He’s so ecstatic that he lifts you up and spins you around

Yoosung:

  • He comes home after a really long day at the vet hospital
  • He says he’s so hungry
  • “You mentioned a special dinner earlier, honey,” he smiles while looking at the empty table.
  • You just smile and say you’ll serve it now
  • So he sits down at the dining room table and waits
  • You bring out jars of baby food one by one
  • He’s very confused as you set them all on the table
  • “Is this….some sort of new diet we’re starting?”
  • He doesn’t realize they’re baby food jars until he picks one up and examines it
  • You can see his eyes growing really wide as he picks up each jar
  • To finish off the whole thing, you just smile, “Hold on…I think I have a bun in the oven.”
  • He jumps out of his seat and gives you a huge hug
  • But then he steps back suddenly
  • “Oh no! Did I crush it? I can’t crush our baby…”

Jaehee: Gender Reveal

(She would’ve figured out you were pregnant way too quickly, so we decided to do a gender reveal instead…)

  • You two had spent the last few months debating on whether it was a boy or a girl
  • Jaehee insisted it was probably a boy
  • She said she had a feeling
  • Finally you found out, and decided to do a reveal
  • You place a cake in front of her
  • Jaehee smiles and says, “it’s a boy, isn’t it?”
  • You shrug and say, “Yeah…you were right. What can I say?”
  • You tell her to cut the cake anyway for a picture’s sake
  • But when she cuts it…it’s both blue and pink
  • She looks up at you really surprised, “You’re having twins!”
  • You’ve never heard Jaehee squeal in delight before
  • She keeps hugging you all day

Jumin:

  • You gave him a big scare when one day you nearly passed out and started throwing up
  • He called the doctor right away
  • While you were resting, he pulled the doctor aside and asked if everything was okay
  • The doctor told him that you were just pregnant, so it was a side effect and just to be careful
  • Jumin is very shocked…but he was also worried about you
  • In the midst of you recovering and him thinking you would tell him when you’re ready, he forgot to mention that he knew
  • A week later, you brought out a wine bottle for dinner
  • He assumes you didn’t know you were pregnant yet and gets worried
  • “You really shouldn’t be drinking that in your state.”
  • Your response is a mix of surprise and admonition
  • Finally, you turn the bottle around to reveal the label
  • “Drink this for me. I’ll join you soon. Baby Han coming in April.”
  • He just hugs you softly, apologizing for finding out first
  • But you both are too happy to care
  • Bonus: He also suspected when Elizabeth had been very clingy to you lately

Seven:

  • You had insisted that he go for a drive since he’d been working a lot lately
  • He did, and he got some coffee on the way
  • It hits him and he really has to use the bathroom, so he rushes back home earlier than you expected
  • When he walks in the door, you’re…in a crop top
  • You never wear crop tops, so it’s strange for him
  • Besides that, your back is turned and you seem to be writing something on your stomach
  • The whole situation is strange, but his bladder is about to burst so he just brushes it off and runs into the bathroom
  • He was looking for soap under the sink when he saw the pregnancy test
  • He couldn’t contain his excitement and rushed out to you
  • Before he could say anything, you had turned around
  • You were midway drawing a loading bar onto your stomach, so all it read was “Load”
  • By the way he was crying a little, you knew he already saw
  • He just wraps you in a hug and bends down to kiss your stomach
  • Only the sharpie was still fresh and he got some on his face

Saeran:

  • It had taken him awhile to warm up to the idea of having kids
  • So, when you found out you were pregnant, you wanted to announce it in a special way
  • You replaced all the clothes in his closet with baby clothes
  • But he didn’t get it
  • You weren’t home when he opened his closet
  • He saw the clothes and thought it was a prank from Saeyoung
  • Despite his brother insisting he didn’t do it, Saeran grabs the nearest pillows and starts beating him down for it
  • You return home and find the two in a brawl, and you ask what in the world happened
  • He glares at Saeyoung, “Someone pulled a childish prank on me.”
  • He pauses, realizing what he said, “NO I didn’t mean that.”
  • But it’s too late and you and Saeyoung are giggling
  • You manage to calm yourself and tell him that it was you
  • At first, he’s confused, but then he realizes
  • He makes you do like five more pregnancy test just to make sure
  • You’re a little worried because he’s silent for a long time
  • But then he quietly confesses that he’s so happy and pulls you into his arms
  • While you’re hugging, he just mumbles, “You’re gonna put my clothes back though, right?”

V:

  • You two had been trying for kids for awhile, but nothing came up
  • So when the pregnancy test finally came positive, you were in shock
  • Your first instinct was to tell him right away, but you wanted to do something special
  • So you tell him casually that you haven’t had a couple’s photoshoot in awhile
  • He agrees and you two plan it
  • During one shot, you tell him to turn his back while you hold a chalkboard
  • He thinks it’s an inspirational quote or something so he goes along with it
  • On the board, you had written, “You’re going to be a dad!”
  • He goes to check how the photo came out and you can see his eyes light up
  • A few tears slip from his eyes as he stumbles towards you
  • He hugs you tightly and just says how thankful he is for you…and the baby
  • You can’t help but cry with him

Check out our other headcanons~ Masterlist

Writing daily-life stuff in Japan: Food

Considering how much fanfiction gets written set in Japan. I thought I might just share some daily life details that may or may not be useful. 

This comes from my own experiences of living in a bicultural household and living in the country for about a month every year of my life. Admittedly, I’ve only lived in a deep rural area and visited cities, but some of the pointers will still be relevant.

The first thing that come to mind when you’re trying to describe another place is to get to grips with the food culture.You know the saying, ‘To know a people, know the food that they’d willingly consume’? So, for this post, I’m going to talk about food details.

1. Food that you might have in the fridge: Old rice if you made rice in bulk + various rice toppings. Think of rice as the bread, and the fridge being full of the spreads you could put on it. 

Pickles: Might not be so popular with the younger generation, but if they live with their parents, there will bound to be at least one kind of pickle in the fridge, because there are speciality pickles for almost every prefecture and you cannot escape them. In the same way as spreads, they usually taste very strong and its rare to eat them as they are, unless they’re just that tasty and you like pickles that much (think of somebody eating peanut butter with a spoon straight out of the jar). You would eat pickles with white rice. Here are three examples: Umeboshi - pickled plum, and it is sour and very salty! You can suck on stone for minutes afterwards, just savouring the salt taste. Usually one plum is sufficient for one bowl of rice. Takuwan - a smelly, giant horseradish pickle, which might look a bit yellow with age. When you see giant horseradishes drying in the sun around the back of the house, this is probably what they’re going to be made into. Rakkyo - little pickled onions. 

Other toppings: Shirasu - tiny little white fish, each fish is about two centimetres long, and you sprinkle (or heap them, if you really like them) over rice. Delicious. Again, may not be popular with the younger generations who have grown up accustomed to more Western flavours.  Gohandesuyo - seaweed paste in a jar. It’s salty like Marmite and like Marmite the name of the food is the name of the brand. You put a tablespoon or so on one bowl of rice. 

Spring onions. We are never out of spring onions. Ever. Chopped up fine.

Sauces: Soy sauce, mirin, su (rice wine vinegar), yakiniku sauce (sauce specifically for yakiniku), mayonnaise, yakisoba sauce, ketchup, mustard in a tube, wasabi in a tube.

A tub of miso: of which there are red and white variants, and there is constant family clash over which tastes better!

If the household eats bread, you’re more likely to get a vegetable oil spread than butter. I think a few years ago there was a butter shortage. It was just too expensive to buy or not on the shelves, but there were so many different brands of vegetable spread made from different flower seeds! 

Egg is a fridge staple. If you’re in doubt and you need a quick breakfast or lunch, you could crack an egg raw over hot rice, spritz a dash of soy sauce on top, shovel it down and go.

Natto - fermented beans, its sticky and when you pull it apart it stretches with sticky web-like strands just like melted cheese. It’s famously an acquired taste but I love it on rice, in curry and in miso soup. Sold in wee cups, with sachets of sauce and mustard.

Also in the pantry: Katsuobushi - tuna flakes, often used to make tuna stock; Stick dashi - powdered stock, usually seaweed or tuna; wakame - seaweed; ginger; taka no tsume - dried hot chilli peppers, prettily named ‘hawk talons’; sesame seeds; sesame oil. Furikake - literally, ‘sprinkles’ for rice, when you have no other option. Maybe tofu. Panko for frying things. Golden curry roux blocks. Cream stew insta-kits.

Instant foods: Cup ramen, cup noodles, instant ramen, instant yakisoba, freeze-dried instant soups, instant corn soup.

The primary oil used for cooking is so-called ‘salad oil’: I don’t actually know what it’s made of, but it’s a vegetable oil of some kind.

2. Where I might buy food: Supermarkets for the fruit, veg, meat and fish, but for the best read-made fare, drinks and snack foods (kashi pan, onigiri, yoghurt, and depending on where you go there might be salads and bentos), you would head to a 24/7 open convenience store (e.g. Seven-Eleven, Lawsons’), where they also might do hot steamed pork buns and, lately, really good coffee to go. If you want to buy somebody a nice cake or box of tea-time sweets as an omiyage you might go to the basement floor of a department store. 

Vending machines - there is a vending machine everywhere. I am not kidding. Even in the deep countryside, I found a couple of vending machines up a mountain which smelled as if they had been scent-marked by raccoon dogs and bears. And at these vending machines, you can not only buy cold juice, but several different kinds of hot and cold Japanese teas, a very sweet milk tea, several different brands of hot and cold coffees, corn soup, potato chowder, hot shiruko (a sweet azuki drink), hot chocolate, hot and cold lemon…You’d honestly never go thirsty.

For sushi, we’d call up a sushi restaurant. The same goes for ramen. Unless you’re using an instant ramen kit, making ramen broth is hard. The tonkotsu variant is pretty much impossible at home. Likewise, you just can’t make good sushi at home. It’s not really a family meal or something that can be casually made. Typically sushi is brought out for celebrations or special occasions as it can be quite pricey but conveyor belt sushi places are more accessible.  

3. Bread: You will find white bread (fluffy, gorgeous, pillowy white bread, that’s basically like cake) but it’s really difficult to find brown bread. In the rural supermarket, it was non-existent and for bread with a crust, you’d have to go to the little street-corner artisan bakeries.

On the topic of bread and kashipan, I’ve often seen references in fanfiction of characters baking kashipan for each other, or kashipan just like their grandmother made it (e.g. anpan, melonpan, creampan). As much I like the sentiment behind these scenes, I’m not saying they’re impossible, but in most cases they are a little jarring. 

Our grandmother’s generation were not bakers. Most of the houses that our grandmothers grew up in did not have ovens, since Japan doesn’t have a tradition of domestic baking, and even now, a lot of houses still don’t have ovens aside from a nifty little oven toaster, Cakes and kashipan were seen as Western and trendy luxuries to be eaten at cafes (a Western import in itself) or bought from specialist shops which had the equipment to make them. They weren’t ‘casual home-cooking’ so to speak, even if the history of the anpan and the castella date pretty far back into the past now. 

Even now, unless you are a massive kashipan fanatic and dessert-making enthusiast, you probably wouldn’t bake a tray of kashipan at home when you could buy them perfectly made from a nearby convenience store. 

Having said that, I have tried making anpan in an oven toaster. I made six, since that was all that could fit on the little toaster tray. They were each about 6cm in diameters, and my grandmother complained that it was a waste of perfectly good azuki. 

You can, if you’re really into dessert making, make lots of things in an oven toaster, but if you’re looking to make something sentimental just like your grandmother made them, mochi might be a better option (e.g. warabimochi or ohagi), or maybe since sweet things historically tended to be more often bought from a specialist than made at home, quote a favourite wagashi that grandmother might have enjoyed from a particular shop e.g. the anko dama and imo youkan from Funawa; the chestnut manju from the shop by the station.   

4. Omiyage: If you go away on a trip and you’re inconveniencing work colleagues with your absence (which you are), this is the souvenir that you buy to take back and share at your work place, often a food item, so boxes of sweets are often packaged in such a way that the sweets inside are individually wrapped for ease of splitting distribution. 

This is also the word used for the gifts you bring back for family, either when you’re visiting relatives and you know that you will be encroaching upon their hospitality, potentially inconveniencing them, or if you’re coming back to the family and, in a way, again, it’s to make up for any inconveniences that might have been caused by absence  -although largely for family, it’s also about the joy of giving to those you care about!

Likewise, students who go away on holiday on a trip might bring back omiyage for fellow members of their club, if they’re involved in club activities. If you think of club activities as training children up for work place social structure and customs, it makes some sense. 

Not omiyage but an example of gift-giving, but if you move into a new neighbourhood, it’s usually expected that you visit your neighbours and take round gifts, as a gesture of courtesy and goodwill. There is, again, an element of asking forgiveness for inconvenience, because moving into the new home would have made a lot of noise and possibly caused a disturbance. 

With omiyage in mind, each prefecture tends to advertise certain foods/sweets that are ‘unique’ to it that would make suitable omiyage. A famous example would be ‘Tokyo Banana’ and anything matcha from the Uji area in Kyoto. 

5. Food is seasonal: Japan is hyperconscious of its seasons, so the fridge will likely contain seasonal fruits and veg. In a lot of Japanese poems, it was traditional to include a ‘kigo’, a word that encodes a season to set the poem in without explicitly saying ‘It is winter’, and some fruits are kigo. The persimmon is a kigo for autumn, peaches and cherries and plums for spring, and more recently the watermelon is a definite kigo for summer! Seasonal fruits also make good gifts for visiting friends’ houses, especially if you’re bringing them back from the countryside after visiting relatives. 

Autumn’s a great time for food. Now is the time when all of the mushrooms are coming out - shiitake, matsutake, enoki, shimeji - and they’re dried and preserved for the year. People who cook might have dried shiitake in the pantry for rehydrating and eating or using in stock. 

Foreign brands, aware of the seasonal sensitivity of their Japanese, often produce Japan only seasonal limited products. My favourite example of this is the Haagen-Daaz flavours. One autumn there was a pumpkin and cinnamon, and I’m pretty sure I saw a cherry blossom latte at Starbucks.

6. Food you might see at festival stalls: Taiyaki - fish-shaped pastries made with a pancake-like batter and filled with custard or azuki. Yakisoba - fried noodles. Yakitori - chicken skewers. Takoyaki - octopus batter balls. Hot dogs…With a shout-out to very rare diversity my local festival had a Turkish kebab stall last year. Kakikoori for the summer festivals - sweet ice, with typical syrups being red, green and yellow (strawberry, melon and lemon flavours respectively).

 …..and that’s enough for now I think. (21/9/2016)

Sons of a Thunder Storm

Modern!Reader x Ragnarssons’

Based on this thread


AN: The translation is probably not accurate but I did my best xD Also I did not intend this part to be so long.

Thank you to my sister wives for all the ideas, in part 2 the boys learn about TV, the internet and just get into a lot of trouble.

Translation:

Hvat ef vera á? - What is going on

Hverr þú  - Who’re you



“No.” You groaned as your car made a pitiful clunking sound and started slowly rolling to a stop, glancing at your dead phone. “Why now?” You groaned. The sky cracked and the sound of thunder echoed around the field next to you.

Keep reading

✰ * º ❛   friends sentence starters   ❜

‘  *reading obituaries* suddenly i wish i was reading my own name.  ’
‘  you don’t even have oven mitts on!  ’
‘  wow. i could so easily freak out right now.  ’
‘  do you think it’s easy for me to see you with somebody else?  ’
‘  hey, you remembered to put clothes on this morning.  ’
‘  no more falafel for you!  ’
‘  we were on a break!!  ’
‘  you’re such a tattletale.  ’
‘  i love you goddesses!  ’
‘  everyone i know is either getting married or getting pregnant or getting promoted and I’m getting coffee. And it’s not even for me!  ’
‘  it’s   ’
‘  this is all a moo point. yeah, it’s like a cow’s opinion, it doesn’t matter. it’s moo.  ’
‘  so, the ebola virus. that’s gotta suck, huh?  ’
‘  my gynecologist tried to kill me.  ’
‘  you can’t tell, but i’m trying to break the tension by mooning you guys.  ’
‘  boy, you are not a morning person.  ’
‘  yeah, well, i’m a slut.  ’
‘  how you doin’?  ’
‘  i am warm… for your form.  ’
‘  i’m really looking forward to you and me having sexual intercourse.  ’
‘  are you saying that you don’t wanna get with this?  ’
‘  hey, you’re a pathetic loser, right?  ’
‘  sometimes i wish i was a lesbian… did i say that out loud?  ’
‘  if i were a guy and… did i just say, ‘if i were a guy’?  ’
‘  i guess things were just going to well for me!  ’
‘  i don’t have a plan. i don’t even have a ‘pla.’  ’
‘  he’s so pretty i want to cry!  ’
‘  prepare to feel very bad about yourself.  ’
‘  i’m sorry that’s who i am. i’m a positive person.  ’
‘  no, i’m a positive person. you are like santa clause on prozac at disneyland, getting laid.  ’
‘  i’m hopeless and awkward and desperate for love!  ’
‘  she was nice. i mean, she’s a little slutty, but who isn’t?  ’
‘  honey, this is not your fault. just because you guys had a fight, it does not justify them sleeping with someone else.  ’
‘  from now on, i am not getting out of this chair, ever. okay? from now on, this chair is the one.  ’
‘  i wish i could, but i don’t want to.  ’
‘  alright, i took the quiz and, it turns out, i do put career before men.  ’
‘  look at him, he’s so cute. i just wanna go over there, grab him, and kiss him!  ’
‘  i think, if it was a little colder in there, i could see your nipples through that sweater.  ’
‘  what’s wrong with me… oh, don’t open that door.  ’
‘  let me think, let me think… oh, i don’t care!  ’
‘  i have no idea what’s going on, but i’m excited!  ’
‘  i tend to keep talking until somebody stops me.  ’
‘  when i first meet somebody, it’s usually panic, anxiety, and a great deal of sweating.  ’
‘  are we greeting each other this way now? because i like it.  ’
‘  it looks like you fell asleep with a hanger in your mouth.  ’
‘  you wanna play twister?  ’
‘  once, i got dumped during sex.  ’
‘  here we are, with our future before us, and i only want to spend it with you.  ’
‘  welcome to the real world. it sucks. you’re gonna love it!  ’
‘  hey, you cry every time somebody talks about the titanic.  ’
‘  if worst comes to worst, i’ll be your boyfriend.  ’
‘  who loses 57 coin tosses in a row? you know? heads, she wins. tails, i lose.  ’
‘  shut up! shut up! SHUT UP!  ’
‘  i’m so glad we’re having this rehearsal dinner, you know? it’s so rare that i get to practice my meals before eating them.  ’
‘  you always believed in me, even when i didn’t believe in myself.  ’
‘  you’re fake laughing too, right?  ’
‘  it’s sunday morning, i am not running on a sunday.  ’
‘  ugh, dammit. why did i open my mouth?  ’
‘  wow, we really are bitches.  ’
‘  so why don’t you be a grown up and come and watch some tv in the fort!  ’
‘  i don’t know what i’m gonna do with my life.  ’
‘  i’m full, and yet i know if i stop eating this, i’ll regret it.  ’
‘  kill me. kill me now.  ’
‘  i want to sit in a comfortable chair, watch television, and go to sleep at a reasonable hour!  ’
‘  what must it be like to not be crippled by fear and self-loathing?  ’
‘  a stripper at a bachelor party, that is so cliché. why don’t you guys get a magician?!  ’
‘  i’m curvy and i like it!  ’
‘  i don’t share food!  ’
‘  if i have to, i’d pee on any one of you.  ’
‘  the fridge broke so i had to eat everything.  ’
‘  you can’t have s-e-x when you’re taking care of the b-a-b-i-e!  ’
‘  you’re over me? when were you… under me?  ’
‘  these are just feelings. they’ll go away.  ’
‘  i used to think of you as somebody that would never, ever hurt me.  ’
‘  i mean, sure, i have my bad days, but then i remember what a cute smile i have.  ’
‘  offering people gum is not cooking.  ’
‘  i bought him a $500 watch and he wrote me a rap song.  ’
‘  you know you should go outside and be with the three-dimensional people.   ’
‘  no, inside good. outside baaaaad.  ’
‘  they’re always saying ‘let’s go here, let’s go there.’ like we can afford to go here and there.  ’
‘  i hate my job. i hate it. oh, i want to quit, but then i think i should stick it out.  ’
‘  you think i have $1200? i’m home in the middle of the day and i got patio furniture in my living room.  ’
‘  neat! i’m gonna die alone!  ’
‘  okay, could you just stop talking for a second?  ’
‘  i’ve sort of had feelings for you.  ’
‘  today, it’s like there’s rock bottom, fifty feet of crap, then me.  ’
‘  why am i friends with these people?  ’
‘  i eat by myself in the alley because everyone hates me.  ’
‘  i’m a lone wolf. a loner. alone. all alone. forever.  ’
‘  my life is an embarrassment! i should just go live under somebody’s stairs.  ’
‘  if i died, the only way people would know that i was here would be the ass print on this chair!  ’
‘  i always thought if you and i got married, that would be the one that stuck.  ’
‘  hi, i make jokes when i’m uncomfortable.  ’
‘  i am not ‘blah’, i am a hoot!  ’
‘  i just realized i can sleep with my eyes open.  ’
‘  up until i was 25, i thought that the only response to ‘i love you’ was ‘oh, crap!’  ’
‘  if the homo sapiens, were in fact ‘homo’ sapiens, is that why they’re extinct?  ’
‘  do you think i need a new walk?  ’
‘  you don’t own a tv? what’s all your furniture pointed at?  ’
‘  just think of it like this: the third day. monday, one day. tuesday, two day. wednesday… when? huh? what day? thursday! the third day!  ’
‘  eye-contact? i hope you were using protection!  ’
‘  you were right, and from now on, yo make all my decisions for me.  ’
‘  you said your boss wants to buy your baby?  ’
‘  why god, why?!! we had a deal!! let the others grow old! not me!!  ’
‘  last night i was finishing off a pizza and she said, ‘a moment on the lips, forever on the hips!’ i don’t need that kind of talk in my house!  ’
‘  you’re druuuuunk. mom and dad are gonna be maaaad! …maybe i’m a little drunk.  ’
‘  let her know i like her? are you insane?  ’
‘  what’s it gonna take for you to forgive me?  ’
‘  isn’t that just kick-you-in-the-crotch, spit-on-your-neck fantastic?  ’
‘  you’re crying over a doritos commercial.  ’
‘  that fake british woman is a real bitch, but she sure can dance.  ’
‘  i think it’d be better for my ego if we didn’t stand right next to each other.  ’
‘  seriously… good luck on marrying me.  ’
‘  there is no ‘us’, okay?  ’
‘  i fell for you and i get clobbered. you then fall for me and i again, somehow, get clobbered.  ’
‘  it’s just not worth it.  ’
‘  we are never gonna happen, okay? accept that.  ’
‘  you know what? you’re the one who ended it.  ’
‘  i ended it because i was mad at you. not because i stopped loving you.  ’
‘  imagine the worst things you think about yourself. now, how would you feel if the one person you trusted the most in the world not only thinks them too, but actually uses them as reasons not to be with you.  ’
‘  you were worth the wait.  ’
‘  that’s our baby.  ’
‘  you deserve to be with someone who appreciates and who gets how funny and sweet and amazing and adorable and sexy you are.  ’

Candy Hearts

Summary: Stiles decides that, since they’re the only two single members of the pack, he and Derek should spend Valentine’s Day together.

Notes: Just some silly, light-hearted fluff. (On AO3)


Derek can hear Stiles coming from all the way down the hall, and he turns toward the door, expecting Stiles to burst in with his usual energy.

Instead, there’s just some shuffling and a sort of muffled knocking. It’s odd, because Stiles doesn’t lose keys (in fact, he just keeps them forever), but Derek goes and rolls open the door anyway.

When he does, he realizes why Stiles didn’t let himself in.

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DEVIL’S ADVOCATE: Trailer #1

The hunt had begun.The rain was coming down in thick, opaque sheets now, and they were hunting you down.You could hear their cheers and primal hollering from the rapidly decreasing space between you, but you continued to sprint for any distance you could maintain. Wet leaves and dirt clung to your feet and legs as you made a beeline for the cliff that came into your view. At this point you decided height was the only thing that would give you more time. The only illumination of your path came from the royal blue that the moon provided through the sea of storm clouds, and your route became harder to discern with each passing minute.You managed to reach the base of the rocky mountain edge and began your slippery ascent.

You would not let them take you.


Song: Crossfire by Stephen

Full Refund

Summary: It all starts with a silly text to Derek.

Notes: A quick little fic inspired by @stileshale‘s tags on this post. (On AO3)


Stiles drags himself up to his room, feet heavy on the stairs. He’d thought, now that summer was starting, he’d have a better chance. With all this free time, surely someone would let him take them on one date. But he’d been turned down time and time again.

So he’s back at his dad’s place, and it seems even less likely that he’ll find someone, now that he’s away from campus.

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