i have a thing for your face sir

Blessing
  • Yang: Mr. and Mrs. Belladonna! I am here to ask for your blessing to date Blake! *takes Blake's hand in hers*
  • Blake: *sighs and blushes, hiding her face in her other hand* Yang...
  • Yang: I promise to be the best girlfriend I can to your daughter! She's the greatest person I've ever known and I love her so much I would give up all of my other limbs for her!
  • Kali: Awwww, you're so sweet, Yang. Of course you have my blessing!
  • Ghira: Wait, wait, wait. Wait. I have some conditions.
  • Yang: I have a list of "things I mustn't do", sir.
  • Ghira: *raises eyebrow* Is that so?
  • Yang: Yup! 1st is "Not furrnicate unless we have the parents' consent" 2nd is-
  • Ghira: Could you repeat that first rule, Ms. Xiao Long?
  • Yang: Of course I can, sir! "Not furrnicate unless we have the parents' consents."
  • Ghira: "Furrnicate?"
  • Yang: Oh, yeah. Hehe. It's because of the word "fuck." Fornicate Under the Consent of the King. And since I see you as a king, I won't fuck your daughter without your consent.
  • Blake: YANG!
  • Ghira: *sighs and smiles softly* That'show I like it. You have my blessing.
  • Yang: YEAH! *kisses Blake on the cheek before running to Ghira and Kali and hugging them and being hugged back* I promise I won't disappoint you. This is one of the most important moments in my life until now.
  • Kali: Until now?
  • Yang: Yes. *whisper* I look forward to proposing in the future. But don't tell her, it will spoil the surprise~
  • Ghira: I really, really like you, Yang.

“Oh yeah, and who’s going to stop us?” The agent in front of you said tauntingly.

“I am.” The four men swirled around to come face to face with your boyfriend Steve. Their once bitchy demeanor crumbled the second they saw him.

“Ugh…Mr. Rogers, C-Captain America, sir! We were just having some harmless fun. We meant nothing by it.” Tom, the jerk who started the whole thing stuttered, clearly shitting his pants from the look Steve was giving him. Steve looked at you, frowning at the black eye forming on your face. He passed them, hovering his hand over the spot, drying the tears off your good eye.

“They do this to you?” You nodded shakenly, unable to use your voice. “Are you hurt anywhere else?” Again you nodded, Steve’s murder-face came back, the one everyone knew he could snap at any given moment. He placed a tender kiss on your head, turning back towards Tom and the rest of the assholes.

“FRIDAY, please inform Tony and the infirmary, an agent’s been hit.” The next thing you knew, Tom was on the ground holding his nose, blood seeping through his fingers.

“What the fuck was that for?”

“For physically assaulting and harassing Tony’s best assistant,” you grinned as their eyes bulged out of their heads, “not to mention my fiancé.” Tony and Bruce walked in then with amused looks on their faces, but they quickly fell when they took in your face. Tony’s eyes hardened, Bruce’s eyes turned green slightly.

“Right. Well Rogers, let Bruce take a look at her injuries and I think the rest of us have a date with Fury, don’t you think?”

Steve wrapped a protective arm around you and followed after Bruce. A smile forming on both of your faces.


When Remus and Sirius are fighting about something
  • Remus: Bite me.
  • Sirius: *does creepy face*
  • Remus: N-No, that wasn't-
  • Sirius: Too late.
  • Remus: *weakly* That-that was supposed to be a threat
  • Sirius: *smirks* It's a good thing to follow up on threats
  • *10 minutes later*
  • James: Hey Sir-AAAAHHH NEVER MIND I AM SLEEPING IN THE COMMON ROOM NO PETER DO NOT COME IN
  • Peter: Wha- AAAAAAAAAHH
  • James: I TOLD YOU NOT TO COME IN. COME ON GET YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME WE HAVE GONE OVER THIS
  • *James and Peter leave scarred*
  • Sirius: They left us alone for 10 minutes. What were they expecting?

jeffreytheterribleliar  asked:

The sound of steps indicates that a guard is approaching. Behind him comes a plain looking watchdog. The guard announces the obvious. The visit stays standing because the visit room isn't in conditions for now. Jeff looks at the man with a serious face but he isn't mad at him. Jeff nods respectfully. "Hello." The guard leaves. Jeff passes a chocolate bar when nobody looks. "I was raised with bad examples and now I am very close to be on your side of the room. May I ask you a few things, sir?"

*He looks at the chocolate bar with disdain before looking at the watchdog in front of him*

Barker: It’s been a while since I’ve had a visitor but sure ask whatever questions you have. Not like I’m going anywhere anytime soon.

(rps will be text only) (sorry if you expected drawings)

@jeffreytheterribleliar

10 Ridiculous Prompts From Things My Friends Have Actually Said/Done (feel free to use them or whatever)

1. “Quick! I need a two wedding dresses, and someone to drop my parents off at the Closest Church. Pronto!”

2. “I don’t always hide beneath your desk sir, but when I do, I feel very safe.”

3. “Don’t question me! Do you know what this is? THIS IS SPARTA— oh shit! Sorry, I didn’t see the ditch before I kicked you…”

4. “You! Yes you, with the face. You will adopt a child with me and we will name him Angel-Spike, in honour of my two favourite childhood characters. What do you mean you don’t know me? That is irrelevant— I HAVE SPOKEN ARTHUR! That’s your name, by the way.”

5. “Is there a problem officer? *whispers* Yes I am very aware that this is a McDonald’s drive thru, but my dad’s on the phone and I need you to play along.”

6. “If I draw a mustache on that guy’s face with ketchup, will you pay me twenty bucks?” *doesnt wait for answer and draws mustache on random guy’s face* “Why are you always pressuring me into things, god!”

7. “For a Mrs _________, we have your son by the checkouts. Thank you. *Liam Neeson voice* If you don’t bring the one million dollars and curly fries to checkout four within the next ten minutes you will never see your son ever again. Wait— what do you mean the speakers still on?”

8. “You want my honest opinion? I would, full-homo, so do you right now if we weren’t in the middle of this store and that old lady wasn’t giving me the evil eye. REALLY KILLING THE MOOD! Oh and the jeans look fine.”

9. *gets in car* “Dude, play along, okay?” *shouts out window* “AND GUESS WHAT, THIS GUY HERE? HE’S MY BOYFRIEND AND WE TOTALLY DID IT ALL OVER THE DINING TABLE, SO LONG, BITCHES!!! Floor it before Dad gets out the shotgun. Go, go, go!”

9. “I dreamed you were all pregnant with my child. It doesn’t matter that most of you are guys, it was a dream okay? You are all metaphorically up the duff because of my dream spunk and that’s that.”

10. “Okay, what’s your name?”/“Daddy.”/“I am not writing Daddy on this cup.”/“Okay, okay…. Stud Muffin.”

Can we talk about an RVB BBS au please??? That would be fucking hilarious.

“You shot Evan, you team killing fucktard!”

Marcel: [to Jonathan] You didn’t remember a waterfall? Dude that’s like not remembering your first girlfriend turned out to have a dick. [turns to Lui] Right Lui?
Lui: Sometimes I’m sorry I even told you that story.

“I’m not a thing; My name’s Evan Fong, and you’ll fear my LASER FACE!”

Lui: What do we need Tyler for anyway? All he ever did was yell at us a bunch and tell us we suck. We’ll just split up his duties. You yell at me, and I’ll tell you you suck.
David: Get down there, Lui! 
Lui: You suck, David! Oh man, this new system is working out great! 

Lui: Up yours… Tyler: What was that? Lui: Up yours SIR! Tyler: That’s better.

Craig: Hey Tyler, I found David. He’s sleeping on the job. David: I’m not sleeping; I was drugged. Craig: Cancel that Tyler, he’s doing drugs.

“How about, Minor Junior Private Lui, Negative First Class?”

Evan: …I guess he put two and two together. Delirious: FOUR! Evan: It wasn’t a test, Delirious. Delirious: Yes it was, I win, A+. 

Delirious: [referring to Marcel’s sword] Or it’s a key all the time, and when you stick it in people… it unlocks their death.

“I’m not askin’, and he’s not tellin’, but I heard that when Craig first came to the base, Tyler spent a lot of time talkin’ about ‘glazed donut holes’, if you know what I mean.”

David: My ass still hurts from all the shots we got. Craig: Yeah you can say that again, mine hurts too! David: You weren’t even there, Craig. Craig: Oh… I thought we were just sharing stuff…

CAN WE TALK ABOUT A RED VS BLUE BBS AU PLEASE????????

Vixx: They Accidentally Touch Your Boob

Requested by: @se-huehuehue-hun ~ How would vixx react when they accidentally touch your boob xD

N: “Yah yah I was trying to get my phone back” *takes his phone out of your hands and walks away*

Leo: *blushes madly* “It was an accident….*can’t look you in the eye*

Ken: “Y/N i know what you’re thinking but it was simply an accident I don’t want to touch there..I mean I do..Ahh nevermind” *runs away*

Ravi: *does it as soon as your dad walks in* “Um sir it was an accident please don’t kill me” * hides behind you*

Hongbin: *laughs nervously* “Guess I won then?”

Hyuk: *touches it*

You: “Hyuk you naughty boy” 

“I’m just an innocent maknae I have no such thoughts of doing such things with you” *gets up and walks away with a smile on his face*

The Dumb Shit I've Said Sentence Meme
  • "Hint hint, nudge nudge, throws a chair at."
  • "I'm gonna snorkel in my tears."
  • "I'd give my first born to watch ____."
  • "Excuse me Sir please stop doing that thing you do with your face."
  • “Snowcaps are those small dark things covered in white balls, right?”
  • "Get out of my friends."
  • "It happens."
  • "The sun glares at you."
  • "[hits you with a bus]"
  • "IM NEVER GONNA DANCE AGAIN, GUILTY FEET HAVE GOT NO RHYTHM."
  • "[Rickrolls you]"
  • "Let me get #naked then we can bring the process."
  • "Welcome to loot noot."
  • "I drink salad."
  • "[opens a dating service for myself]"
  • "These are lies. much lies. very lying"
  • "When people get violent with you when you turn into Satan."
  • "Sometimes I look at myself and think: ah yes I am literal trash and I'm so proud."
  • "I’m alone in the Theatre."
  • "Listen, when I look at Chocolate I think of shit and then I think to myself, who would want to eat shit?"
  • "If you ever think I’m scary or intimidating just remember, I spell my own ooc tag wrong every time."
  • "I have like almost three hundred followers and I’m still lonely."
  • "GAAAAAAAAAAAAY."
  • "Which means the Illuminati made galaxies."
  • "Because Galaxy."
  • "My Husband was bald."
  • "I am a couch foot high."
  • "Couches + foot + feet on couches = high."
  • "James is a member of their band, apparently he's going to die soon."
  • "Do you ever see a picture of your Bias and you're just like don't touch me."
2

N: Clearly you’re unphased by the chump who’s trying to hit on you, however, since he won’t layoff, N would thwart his attempts real quick by laying it on you real thick. He’ll call you a pet name and wrap his arm around you amongst other things to get the guy to take a hint. Since N’s feelings for you haven’t been revealed yet, he’d be extra protective over you in this situation. “Hey, babe. I’ve been looking all over for you. Our table is ready…Umm, excuse me sir can you move out of the way?”

Leo: Leo would simply throw his arm around your shoulder and have this “why are you even trying?” type smirk on his face. Yeah, Leo is quiet and all, but nobody is going to take away from him something he had his eyes on for a long time. He’d eventually ask you if the guy is bothering you and wouldn’t remove his arm from your shoulder until the guy took the hint. “Is this guy bothering you? Because he’s bothering me.” 

Ken: Ken would pretend that he didn’t even notice the guy trying to hit on you and just hug you from behind amongst other cuddly gestures. Once he stops moving, he’d innocently ask you who the guy is trying to talk to you.  Regardless of the answer, Ken would still continue to hold you because he likes you and he doesn’t want you to think about the other guy. “Oh, hello. And who are you?”

Ravi: Ravi would stick to your side like glue and do just about anything to give this guy a clue. If Ravi is feeling really ballsy, he might try to innocently kiss you on your cheek or hair. To you it would seem like he’s just trying to help you, which would be half of the truth. The other half of the truth would be that he’s trying to protect you as well hint about his feelings. “*Hugs you tight* Where have you been? I’ve missed you.”

HongBin: HongBin would have a million things to say to the guy, but nothing would come out. So, he’d settle for holding your hand and would make sure that it’s visible. The reason for him not speaking is because he’d be a little frantic considering he likes you. So, seeing another man trying to step into his territory would unnerve him a little. “*Squeezes your hand then looks at the dude* What’s up?”

Hyuk: Oh, look the Honey Badger is back. Remember guys: the Honey Badger doesn’t care. Hyuk would come to your rescue, and say enough to send ole’ dude to skirt chase someone else. Now, if the guy didn’t take the hint the first time, Hyuk would resort to over dramatic methods if necessary. Why? Because you’re his future girlfriend. That’s why. “Excuse me, sir? How many karats do you think she deserves? Because I went ring shopping yesterday and I couldn’t decide. My fiancé deserves the finest ring. Isn’t that right, love?”

Thanks for asking!
-Admin Cheezy ^_^

another favourite Darcy scene

(there are many)

Darcy, reluctantly attending a party (as one does), is sulking in a corner (as one does)

Darcy: so the 198053908th reason I hate dancing is that there’s so much noise and moving around and shit that you can’t talk to anyone

Darcy: not that I WANT to talk anyone

Darcy: but if I did

Sir William Lucas *pops up*: HI THERE!

Darcy: …

Sir William: isn’t dancing the GREATEST THING EVER?

Darcy: …you’re getting dumbass cooties on me

Sir William: it’s what shows we’re really CIVILIZED amirite

Darcy: literally every fucking society on the face of the planet has dancing

Sir William: um anyway, DO YOU DANCE???

Darcy: You’ve seen me dance before, because I succumbed to peer pressure that one time.

Sir William: I did! And you were so graceful, wow. I nearly swooned

Darcy: …

Sir William: anyway. tell me about your house

Darcy: I have one.

Late night Salad Freakout

I used to work at a popular fast food chain back in 2014. I was working night shift for once and this older guy comes in. He asks what type of salads we have and I read them off the register since A. I didn’t have my glasses they were getting fixed and B. Barely anyone orders salads and we just read it off the menu anyhow.

I read off the dressings and salads and he looks at the menu and back at me like I just murdered his entire family. “Can you not read? The salads are right there behind you. I can not believe this.” I calmly respond with “Sir my glasses are getting fixed so it’s easier for me to read them off here and it’s the same thing anyways. Will that be all for your order?” He gets in my face and demands my manager. I call her over and he adds fries to his order. Time for revenge. I go make the fries but fuck that dude I give him the bottom of the bin fries that are cold and have no salt. I go back to my manager and tell her I made the fries and go back to my register and he says “I don’t want you listening to our conversation.” Manager tells me to grab his salad as well and I give him the salads we put in the back that aren’t that fresh and with the wrong dressing.

TLDR: Don’t mess with people who make your food you will not be happy with what you get when you get home.