i have a thing for tom cruise

@ Hollywood, hire me. I fixed the new Mummy movie without even watching a trailer

Tom Cruise and Young Hot Blonde™ enter the crypt, Tom in the lead because he is the manly protector. Their flashlight beams eventually illuminate a sarcophagus carved in the likeness of a beautiful Princess. 

Tom Cruise approaches the sarcophagus, moves to open it. 

Young Hot Blonde™: Don’t do the thing.

Tom Cruise: I’m going to do the thing. *Shoves sarcophagus open*

They cough as dust fills the air. Just as it begins to clear, Brendan Frasier shoots upright, drawing his gun and immediately shooting Tom Cruise in the head.

“I thought I told Evy not to put me down for mummification,” he mutters as he looks at his surroundings. He is inexplicably not decomposed or mummified, just vaguely wrapped in Charmin. Glances at a now very dead Tom Cruise. “Oops.”

Young Hot Blonde™: How… how did this happen?

Brendan Frasier: Well, it’s a long story, I’ll have to start at the beginning.

Then they just replay the entirety of ‘The Mummy’ (1999).

After credits scene:

Young Hot Blonde™: That still doesn’t explain how you ended up alive in a sarcophagus in the year 2017.

Brendan Frasier: Oh, yeah, no fucking clue. 

What I think of the MOON signs:

Aries: A lot of mental activity, thinking too much about what interests them. They could be intellectuals. They may appear calm on the outside, but a tornado is going on inside them. Optimistic, very competitive and impatient. They live for the moment, forgetting all else. That’s the reason they change their mind so easily about everything. Very curious, but opinionated. The Aries moon at it’s worst may blame things on others, unable to take responsibility. However, they don’t hold grudges and are usually kind and easygoing, wanting to do the right thing because they aim to live up to this ideal image they have of themselves, whatever that ideal is. If I had to give some advice to this moon sign it would be: not everyone is out to get you, enjoy yourself, RELAX!! and don’t let your need to be the best, even when you are, poison yourself and your relationships. Celebrities with this moon: Angelina Jolie, Nicolas Sarkozy, Bill Gates, Rihanna.

Taurus
: Charming, very charming. Has a great sense of humor and loves companionship. They will tell you stories, they will make you feel warm. They may not take criticism well, but who does? They do not like to be rushed into things, they like stability and comfort even when being adventurous. They may enjoy shopping too much. Ruled by Venus, they are romantic and affectionate in love, sometimes possessive, and they chose love over friendship. Depending on the Sun and Venus, this moon can be extremely jealous. But wishing to keep balance they will hide it under a passive aggressive attitude which can cause more wrong than right. They look for the best in people and usually will find themselves giving too much, but their desire to maintain balance will help them stay on track. They look more reasonable than they are. If I had to give some advice to this moon sign it would be: keep shining, but don’t be so proud. Not everything is like you see it. Sometimes it’s OK to fuck up and admit it. Celebrities with this moon: Christina Aguilera, Cameron Diaz, Mother Teresa, Chris Brown, Jim Morrison.

Gemini: Absent minded? You bet! However they compensate that through their wit and curiosity. They are versatile and easy going. Even on the least easy going suns a Lunar Gemini will ease up the chart. They mean well, I do believe this, mostly because they are not interested in what other people are doing. They do not get caught up in gossip and do their own thing. They can be irritable and moody, but not usually. They are lazy even though they want to have a hand on everything! They have so much they want to do, but their minds go faster than their power of will. They are nervous thought, and if they have a problem they may not know how to act upon it and feel paralyzed. Gemini moons are fun and very chill. At their worst, Lunar Geminis can be very cold and indifferent. If I had to give some advice to this moon sign it would be: you are capable of anything if you work! You are not alone… And look around more, be warmer. Celebrities with this moon sign: Barack Obama, Vladimir Putin, Alyssa Milano, Jennifer Lawrence.

Cancer: are cancers tired of hearing they are emotional? Yes, but it doesn’t make it any less true. Cancer, as a moon sign, is powerful because the moon is the realm of emotions. Being emotional doesn’t mean weak, on the contrary, a Cancer moon has to be strong to be able to feel as they do. And Cancer moons are indeed strong. They are tender and sweet, and a roller coaster of emotional outbursts. They are in touch with their feelings, so much so, sometimes they get too caught up in them, becoming self-absorbed as if their own emotions are the only emotions that matter. What’s the problem with this? That if they are feeling pain they tend to forget the good things in their life and instead of trying to get better, the get lost in self-pity. They have a good memory and a soft heart, even when you least expect it. They do not do well with criticism, they do not take jokes lightly. They love, they love a lot, even through their mood swings. And find it hard to let go. Do not take this moon sign for granted, they are loyal AF. If I had to give some advice to this moon sign it would be: you need to act more and build the future instead of clinging to the past. Celebrities with this moon sign: Taylor Swift, Kurt Cobain, Keanu Reeves, Shakira.

Leo: This moon is outgoing and bright. Yes they need attention, yes they love flattery, yes they can be overly dramatic and yes, as the Leo they are, they do think highly of themselves. And that’s part of the reason they are so successful, they are confident and know they are more than capable of handling anything. They truly are more than capable. They are proud, but have qualities to back it up, and you can’t hate them because they are loving. All that they have for an Ego they have for a heart. They need a lot of love and even though they know they are great, they want to hear it. If you want to cheer them up, genuinely tell them the good qualities you see in them or let them win at a game they love. This is a nice moon to hang around with, a romantic moon, a quick to anger moon, and a moon that won’t try to hurt you, unless you stand in their way. They can be dramatic and get this, they hate drama. They love the whole “nobody loves me” and slamming doors, but oh boy! they‘ll think you are crazy if you act like them. If I had to give some advice to this moon sign it would be: yes, we love you, but do not act so dramatic! Celebrities with this moon sign: Julia Roberts, Mahatma Gandh, Monica Bellucci, Tom Cruise.

Virgo: yes, this whole post was about my perception on the moon signs, but I must warn you I am especially biased about this one… I’ve met so many Virgo moons! Many people I love have Virgo Moons! (I am a Virgo rising myself) And I love them, but we crush. All Virgo moons I have come in contact with were and are… way too… critical. They don’t seem to know you have feelings. They will say nasty comments about your personality, hobbies, clothes… but will get angry at the slightest thing you say to them, and they will over-think it for ages. For even though they are hard on others, they are hard on themselves as well. They do not realize their own defects. However, once they do, they will try to correct them. They also say the good stuff… but not so often. They are sharp and they love a good debate. These people are smart and may involve themselves in jobs that allow them to help humanity. They are not mean or petty, just critical and defensive because they want to make things perfect and be perfect (perfect from their point of view). If I had to give some advice to this moon it would be… yes, you guessed! Watch your words, they cut. No, you are not always right and you don’t need to be. And not because you don’t like something does it mean it’s wrong. Celebrities with this moon sign: Madonna, Dalai Lama, Nicki Minaj, Sean Connery.

Libra: Another very charming moon sign, but unlike their sun sign, the Libra moon person is more secretive. They love love. They are very romantic, it can break their heart. They want to be liked and do not enjoy arguing and outbursts of emotion. They can be superficial and vain, but they are also sweet and peace oriented. They are dreamy, calm, they want to open up, they have a lot in their minds, more so then what they are willing to share. They can be extravagant - for some reason - and quiet. They have a dark side: they can get caught up in their negative emotions but never share it with the world. They might be artsy, bohemian, and proudly so, and they all have a personal sense of style. Whatever they are inside- hippie, hipster, painter, lawyer - they will dress to show it. You can tell a lot about these people from their clothes. They might not be terribly steady in love, sometimes they fall for too many people at once. If I had to give some advice to this moon it would be: there is more than what meets the eye, there’s more than looking for others approval. Celebrities with this moon sign: Leonardo DiCaprio, Justin Bieber, Kate Winslet, Jude Law.

Scorpio: This moon is sensual and dark, this moon wants passion, this moon is romantic and is not afraid of commitment! This moon wants loyalty and is loyal. They are dramatic, very dramatic, like a Leo moon, but without the bright disposition. They are egocentric and at the same time, giving. They hold grudges, but if they love you, you won’t need any reassurance because they will be there showing you. They are hot headed and domineering, they like to feel in control. They are jealous and fear betrayal. They will not put up with your bullshit for too long. They have a strong will and they will get where they want to in life. Do not mess with them. They will not take revenge, but they will not forgive you. They feel a lot, and also expect a lot from others. If I had to give some advice to this moon it would be: chill, chill, chill. Not everything is about you, trust a little more, lighten up! You will be glad you did. Celebrities with this moon sign: Jennifer Lopez, Beyoncé, Miley Cyrus, Katy Perry.

Sagittarius: This moon is curious, careless, optimistic and has a childlike manner to it. They look chill to others. They talk quickly, and are a bit impatient. They are naive, afraid of commitment and dislike restrictions. They need space and personal freedom to be happy. They are carefree and may not always be in tune with others emotions, sometimes they are oblivious to how others feel. They will be there if you open up, but may not be the most empathetic of ears. If things get tough, they will run away. They like to do research and could do well in this area, thanks to their curiosity. They want to explore the world and meet new people, they like talking and can get irritated easily. If I had to give some advice to this moon it would be: Sometimes grounding yourself is needed, sometimes you see more by looking within than by avoiding quietness. It is OK to sit with oneself, don’t avoid things out of fear of working through the rough parts. Celebrities with this moon sign: Albert Einstein, Nicole Kidman, Sharon Stone, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.

Capricorn: this moon is closed up. This moon needs to feel productive and they measure their worth through their ability to get somewhere in life. They want money and material things and YET they will cultivate a spiritual side. This moon worries about everything. A woman (or a person with feminine energy) with this moon is loyal and stable, a man (or person with masculine energy) with this moon sign, however, finds it hard to be with one woman because they do not know how to be vulnerable. They have will power and emotional strength, they will give you everything you need if you ask - you’d have to ask as they do not know what people need. This moon cares about their style as well, like the Libra moon, this moon dresses up for the job they want, as they say. They like shopping. They can also be alone for long periods of time, they do not mind being in their room all day. Something most people do not expect of this moon sign is their high sexual drive! They can be very kinky and like to sleep around. This moon is cautious, and doesn’t take risks. They like to know the outcome and will think of all the possibilities before rushing into things. If I had to give some advice to this moon it would be: oh, you, it’s ok to be vulnerable. If you never open up, you will miss your life. Take risks, maybe not always, but do not let love pass you by because of fear. Celebrities with this moon sign: Amy Winehouse, Adolf Hitler, Johnny Depp, Napoleon.

Aquarius: what a witty moon to have. In my opinion, this position makes a person fast, goofy and brainy. They are detached and bubbly, they look not as smart as they truly are. They like attention, but will not give it to you! They are aloof. They care about facts, though. They call it the Aquarian Age for a reason. They want to know things, but will not argue with you if you do not see things as they do. They like to keep their emotions to themselves and do not like to be serious. So maybe, listening to others talking about their problems is not their strength. They just want to chill! If a sarcastic comment is what you need, go talk to them. They care about history and humanity, they want to make a difference. If I had to give some advice to this moon it would be:: care about people a little more, ok? They might need you as much as you need them. Celebrities with this moon sign: Marilyn Monroe, Princess Diana, John Lennon, Conan O'brien.

Pisces: Yes this moon sign is the most compassionate and empathetic of all the moon signs. This moon is psychic, and will know how you are feeling even better than you. They can easily feel overwhelmed by the harsh demands of this world and, at their worst they can turn to drugs or other ways to escape reality. However, they are funny, goofy and optimistic, they live in their dream world and seem to be in a far away land. Even though they can be masochistic, and can be a pushover, this moon sign sees everything and everyone with rose colored glasses, including their future. They think everything will be alright even if death is right in front of them, they will think they are dating a kind person even if they find them cheating on them every Saturday. They are indeed innocent, gullible, but what most people do not know about this moon sign is that once they see you for you, there is no way back. They put people they love on pedestals, but if you fall, it will be hard for them to put you up there again. Which is not a bad thing, it is better not be on a pedestal anyway. However, the problem is, when they get betrayed or hurt, they start to think the worst of people. They will not revenge, but maybe they won’t let you back into their life, they are afraid to be vulnerable. It is easier for them to be there for others than to be there for themselves and show the world all the messy they are inside. They feel guilty over everything and even though they care about people a lot, sometimes they have trouble showing it. If I had to give some advice to this moon sign it would be: love yourself more, take care of yourself and do not be a doormat. And stop the self-pity. Celebrities with this moon sign: Michael Jackson, Michelle Obama, Martin Luther King, Elvis Presley.

Love Inversion Theory

A Peter Parker/Tom Holland Fic

Next!

A/n: I came up with the idea while eating dinner last night and I seemed super original and awesome for some reason. I tried to make it not confusing soooo hopefully we’re good! Maybe a part two if people want it? I’ll probably do another anyways, though. 

Originally posted by koenigreus

Tags

@loeigh@calumbeans@sailorchibimoonunicorn@marvel-fanfiction@sammnipple 


“Inversion can be defined as the reversal of something or as an inverted state of an object.”

Peter watched while you sat with a young boy surrounded by text books and papers. The date you had been on abruptly took halt when you suddenly remembered that you had a tutoring session with your friend Betty Brandt’s little brother.

It was a rare moment for Peter; for once the date had to be paused because of something normal. Something not Spider-Man related. Admittedly, that was better than him exclaiming “Jump into this alley!” for purposes that were not for making out and more for super changes. Those super changes somehow managed to worm their way into the regular routine of a date. Before, when being Spider-Man and being a boyfriend was too hard to balance, you and Peter talked about breaking up. “We both love one another,” you said solemnly, “but we never have time to be together.”

The both of you tried it out; not actually breaking up, but doing a “break up trial.”

You spent a day not talking to each other-no texting or snapchats either-and no hugs between class. Nothing.

And both of you cried by the end of the day.

So that was totally out of the question.

Eventually you guys got the hang of it. Assigning roof tops to meet on during Spider-Man breaks, Skype calls during “Stark Interning” hours courtesy of the teched-up suit, whom Peter for some reason called Karen. You thought that was kind of weird but you rolled with it, choosing to not ask questions you didn’t really want the answers too.

So seriously, neither of you could survive a break up. Hell, you didn’t even like when Peter went to the Academic Decathlon last year, leaving you in New York. “I’m just,” you had said between kisses, “too in love-with you- to break up.”

“I know-” he agreed between kisses, “I feel-the same-way.”

From awkwardly asking you to the homecoming dance freshmen year, to finding out his secret, the connection between you two just grew stronger every day.

“So,” he heard you wrapping up, “does that make more sense?”

The fourth grader nodded his head. Together, you and Peter both walked the boy out where his sister, Betty, was waiting with a car to drive him home. “Still can’t believe she chopped all her hair off,” you said through your teeth while smiling and waving at the pair drive off, hoping she couldn’t tell you were talking about her. “She looked so much better with it long.” You massaged your mouth when the Brandt siblings were out of sight.

“I’m really sorry, Tiger Lily. I can’t believe I forgot about him!” you suddenly exclaimed. Peter held your hands. “Don’t worry about it,” he said assuringly, “it’s not like the day is over. We spent about thirty minutes with tutoring, that’s hardly anything compared to ‘us.’“

You laughed. “‘Us’? How long is ‘us’?” you asked, using light air quotes for emphasis.

“Forever,” Peter smiled. You blushed. “Parker…you have me wrapped around your finger,” you grinned before pulling him in for a chaste kiss.

Keep reading

the-divine-in-you  asked:

I just stumbled over your tumblr and I still don't know if I'm really amazed or scared shitless by your art. I think both, probably. Also, seeing that it goes into this direction already somehow - would you maybe do an artwork on Lestat from "Interview with the vampire"? In the way that Tom Cruise portrayed it? That would be really delightful. Either way, you got a follow and please continue with your skillful work! ☆♡☆

Ha ha I will take that as a compliment thank you :) I actually painted a Lestat a little while ago… Looking at him now makes me want to bring a little polish back into my work (especially the hair) Things have gotten very loosey goose of late. God that vampire ….. 

anonymous asked:

I am maybe an ignorant person but ... I don't understand the Jonsa thing so ... I fou have time can you explain this to me .. ? And even if i'm a Jonerys shipper for years i would really like to know the Jonsa chemistery :)

Oh wow… 

The thing is I think shipping is kind of subjective to a degree. It doesn’t matter if it’s canon or not because there’ll always be a group who think it shouldn’t be canon and so on and so forth. I don’t know how to explain Jonsa to someone who doesn’t see it (not that I’m blaming you for not seeing it! Some people just don’t and that’s totally okay!) but I will try my best, Anonny. 

For me personally, it began in Season 6. I had no prior inclination for Jonsa or even an inkling of the possibility of them. Frankly, I was the most casual of Game of Thrones viewers. It took me nearly a year to actually finish watching Season 5 (but that’s mostly because my ex told me about the Sansa x Ramsay storyline and I hated it so much I refused to watch it). For me, GoT was and has always been a political fantasy drama with lots of boobs and blood. Shipping wasn’t on the cards for me at all (aside from my love for Gendrya). But then Season 6 happened and we finally, finally got a Stark reunion. Only this Stark reunion felt weird. 

First of all, Jon and Sansa had so very little interactions (ie. none) prior to this. They were the two most seemingly random Starks to meet. And yet when they hugged, Sansa nuzzled his face. At first, I thought ‘okay, well they lost everyone and this is the first person from their old life they’ve seen’ and even in retrospect I don’t see it as particularly a romantic action on their parts. But it is a weird thing to have the actors do. Even if they were always meant to be platonic, nuzzling is weird for anyone not involved romantically or sexually. I would never ever nuzzle any of my family members or my friends, but then I’m not the best comparison. I don’t like physical affection from anyone I’m not dating so lmao. Still, I was willing to overlook that because it’s Game of Thrones. Maybe they’re just trying to amp up the intensity of the scene. But then you get continued lingering looks from Jon, strange awestruck half-smiles and dim romantic atmosphere. The most bizarre shot for me though was the tent scene. Jon and Sansa had to stop in the middle of their arguing to stare at each other, chests heaving with candlelight in the background. This is Romantic Trope 101. If you had siblings arguing with each other, there’d be more angry yelling, insulting and storming off. You don’t pause to stare at each other as you struggle to catch your breath. 

This all contributed to my questioning over what I was seeing. I didn’t immediately think ‘oh yeah this is my ship’. I just thought ‘okay this is weird, right?’ and continued to think that for the rest of Season 6. Honestly, the idea of them as a ship didn’t really cement itself in my head until the very last episode where Jon kissed her forehead, lingered just a bit too long, stared at her lips, walked away and the immediate next shot is the reveal of R+L=J. It was like light bulbs flashing in my head, like ‘oh shit they’re cousins and cousins totally get together and is accepted as a viable marriage prospect!!’ I mean I suspected Jon wasn’t really Ned’s son, but the confirmation right after a Jonsa scene felt so so important. Not even through shipper goggles. It was what made me realise the strange tension between them wasn’t solely in my head and that this probably had a purpose for setting something up.

That’s the Jonsa thing for me. That’s literally how I began to ship them. I don’t know if this answers your question about their chemistry, but these were the moments that highlighted their chemistry to me personally. 

The reason why I’ve stayed with this ship for as long as I have, I can list you the reasons below: 

To paraphrase from a Tom Cruise film, they complete each other. I know, I know. How utterly cliched of me, but for lack of a better phrase, it’s true. I don’t even mean it in a their souls match and blahblahblah, but I mean that in personalities. Jon is the emotionally-driven, honourable, brave and intelligent military tactician, whose life has been consumed by war and physically fighting for survival. Sansa is the emotionally-guarded, brave, shrewd and pragmatic politician. Her life in contrast has been consumed by the political game and she’s had to mentally fight for survival. Jon knows the North and the dangers beyond; Sansa knows the South and the dangers there. They’re two sides of the same coin and they need each other to survive. Yes, I’d love it if it was romantically, but even taking that away, they still need each other. Together, they make a formidable team. They are Tyrion and Dani but better because there is no power imbalance. They’re equals. Yes, Jon doesn’t quite listen to Sansa sometimes, but him leaving her the North is a testament to his trust and respect for her. This is one of the reasons why I love and adore their interactions so much. You can still see how different they are as individuals but just as clearly, you can see how well they mesh together, and you sit there rooting for them both. 

They offer each other something no one else does. S7 Sansa is the most open and honest and confident I’ve ever seen her and that’s all because she trusts Jon. He might disagree, he might argue, but she feels so safe in his presence that she feels comfortable enough to finally speak her mind and demonstrate how intelligent she really is. And for the first time, she can let herself love and hope again. You see that in the soft and affectionate way she regards Jon in any matter, and that is true even in the scowls and exasperation because those emotions are still born out of her love and thus her concern for him. She wants only the best for him and for their home. Ultimately what it comes down to is Jon makes her happy, safe, hopeful and strong. His faith in her is slowly restoring her own faith in herself. That’s all I’ve ever wanted for Sansa. Even if Jonsa isn’t canon, if Sansa continues to get this, I’ll be okay. But I do feel Jonsa as a romantic pairing would be the perfect way to conclude Sansa’s story. She’s been basically sold into two loveless marriages and believes no one will ever marry her for love even though all she ever wanted was a fairy-tail romance. If her story concludes with the valiant knight (Jon) and her falling in love and marrying, it would be the perfect end, and one that isn’t too fairy-tale considering their angst and conflict over being half-siblings-turned-cousins. 

As for Jon, I personally believe Sansa’s return gave his second life meaning again. He had been so ready and determined to escape to the south and give up entirely. We don’t know whether he would’ve gone through with it and maybe he wouldn’t, but this was the lowest Jon’s ever been. He was so lost, so disillusioned, and insecure and broken, but then came Sansa and suddenly he had purpose again. Maybe it was simply family obligations, but you can’t say she didn’t inspire him to fight for his home. I don’t think Jon would’ve done it without Sansa. She also challenges him in a way no one else has since Ygritte and Jon needs that. He’s not the perfect hero; he doesn’t know everything. He’s been in the North too long to understand the political game the way Sansa does. She offers him insight into a world he had no prior knowledge in. She also offers him camaraderie, a partner with equal stakes in this war, and a friend who he can come to, someone who loves and respects him and believes in him so wholeheartedly. Yes, he has loyal knights and friends, but no one quite understands his insecurity as a Stark and a rule the way Sansa does. Their interaction in 7x01 showed us this relationship/friendship between them (the way Sansa immediately knew Jon was doubting himself and sought to reassure him earnestly even when he was being rather rude to her because the thing is she knew he needed it more than she needed his validation).

Another reason why I love this ship so much is Jon’s ferocity when it comes to Sansa. You could absolutely read this as platonic and I’m sure many do, but you can’t deny there’s definitely something visceral and primal in the way Jon strives to protect her. I’ve seen Jon kill and get aggressive, but I’ve never seen him lose control so violently than when he was beating the crap out of Ramsay. It was probably a combination of seeing Ramsay kill Rickon in front of him, but definitely also for Sansa. Then you have 7x02 where Jon chokes Littlefinger, who had been needling him and provoking him all throughout that scene, but it was the comment about loving Sansa in a sexual/romantic manner that really got him angry. The fact is there was no immediate thought to that action; it was absolutely a reactionary thing and again a primal one at that. Jon doesn’t even say anything for awhile and I think for a few seconds he really was considering killing Littlefinger. But then it’s like he comes to himself. Angry murderous kitten Jon is my favourite kind of Jon lol.

There are also a lot of Ned x Catelyn parallels that makes it hard to ignore, as well as 7x02′s parallel to Jaime x Brienne’s awkward wave goodbye. These are 2 of the most established ships in the fandom. Paralleling Jonsa with them feels intentional and important. 

But honestly, there really are so many reasons why I love this ship and why I believe in them so wholeheartedly. Maybe it is just Kit and Sophie having unbelievable chemistry, but I like to believe otherwise. I hope this sheds some light for you, Anonny. 

I just watched The Mummy, ya know, the new remake, and yeah it’s not the best movie and i understand the bad critics but it’s actually a pretty cool movie, well, but that’s not what i’m wanting to talk about, i wanna talk about FUCKING HENRY JEKYLL.
There’s this thing no one knows about me. I’m total trash for anything Jekyll & Hyde related and at first I was like ‘ok why does this dude calls himself henry jekyll, that’s totally not his real name’ and then he transformed into Hyde aND I LITERALLY SCREAMED “IT’S EDWARD HYDE” and I bet everyone heard it and thought I was some weirdo which i totally am.
Sorry but I need to share this I just have alot of feelings about Jekyll and Hyde rn I’m trashy trash trash sorryy

doc-scarecrow-deactivated201706  asked:

What do you think of Universal remaking it's classic monster films?

You know, there was a time way back when where, if I said that I thought that many of the Hammer Horror remakes of classic horror films were better, I would have been burned at the stake as a heretic.

Today, “the Hammer versions were better” seems to be a relatively uncontroversial and downright commonplace view. I think it might be (among other reasons) because of the Angry Video Game Nerd, who changed the whole conversation about the Hammer Horror films by chatting them up, pointing out how great they are.

Anyway, the point of bringing up Hammer is, I don’t think a remake is necessarily doomed to failure. And while some of the Universal movies are some of the greatest movies ever made (Bride of Frankenstein is the first sequel to be better than the original), some are very flawed and could benefit from another go to clarify the ideas there. The 1931 Dracula, for instance, had a great leading man and set design, but was hobbled by the fact that it was based on a stage play and didn’t use the strengths of film effectively. At times, it felt like a fixed camera recording a stage production.

I have some skepticism about the ability of Hollywood to actually produce really great movies, no matter what the intentions of individual creators are, simply for structural reasons. There is so much money involved that it discourages risk taking and encourages studio micromanagement. One of the biggest trends in film has been the desire by studios to make bigger movies “director-proof.” This was actually how Hollywood worked before the 1960s, with producers having all the power…but the problem is, it only works if you have a producer who knows what they are doing, like Louis Meyer, or to use a modern example, an overseer like Kevin Feige. Good art is reliant on risk-taking and doing things differently, which is harder to do when you’re gambling with ungodly sums like a $150 million dollar budget.

Isn’t Tom Cruise going to be in the Mummy remake? Before he became the Space Pope, Tom Cruise was my hero; in high school, I spent a lot of time making sure my hair looked like his in posters. Sure, he belongs to a weird space cult created by a bad pulp science fiction writer that blackmails journalists and gay actors, but he is one of the best guys at picking scripts. I don’t think he’s ever really been in a terrible movie.

Making the Mummy female is a great idea, and one with a great pedigree. The Mummy was always meant to be female. The first true Mummy novel, the one that codified the traits of the modern Mummy story, was Bram Stoker’s novel Jewel of the Seven Stars, which featured a female mummy (and, to bring things full circle, Hammer Horror, classy as ever, did a version of Jewel of the Seven Stars, Blood from the Mummy’s Tomb, with 5’11” amazon Valerie Leon).

The really good Mummy films are all about love beyond death, reincarnation, doomed lovers reunited in past ages who get a second chance, and eerie sorcery. A film critic once said that all the very good James Bond movies are romances…and the same is true for Mummy films. Likewise, the Mummy is not a Creature from the Black Lagoon or Frankenstein creature who lumbers and uses strength to choke people; he or she is a sorcerer, like a voodoo priestess. The fear there is the fear of magic, which comes from another age and “breaks the rules.” If they keep these things in mind, they should be okay.

7

NOPE THERE’S NOTHING GOING ON. HONEST. WE’RE JUST REALLY INTO TRIANGLES…IT’S A CELEBRITY THING. WE JUST ALL LIKE TRIANGLES AND REALLY LIKE EXPRESSING OUR LOVE OF TRIANGLES. NO MORE QUESTIONS PLEASE OR I’LL BE PUNISHED - AND THAT MEANS HAVING TO DO SOMETHING SO VILE AND HORRIFIC ON VIDEOTAPE SO THEY HAVE BLACKMAIL INSURANCE ON ME FOREVER AND EVER. THINK ABOUT THE THINGS I’VE DONE TO CHILDREN AND VAGRANTS IN SECRET ON CAMERA NEXT TIME YOU PAY TO SEE ME IN CONCERT OR BUY A TICKET TO ONE OF MY AWFUL ACTION FILMS. HAIL SATAN!

SERIOUSLY THOUGH, WHAT A BUNCH OF STUPID-LOOKING A**HOLES. CELEBRITIES HAVE JUST DEVOLVED INTO WHO THEY REALLY ARE: PERPETUALLY SELF-OBSESSED HIGH SCHOOL KIDS WHO NEVER REALLY MATURED.

IF YOU ACTUALLY WASTE ONE SINGLE SECOND OF YOUR DAY THINKING ABOUT THEM, YOU REALIZE HOW INCREDIBLY STUPID THEY LOOK. ALL THE TIME. DOES ANYBODY WANT TO BE A CELEBRITY ANYMORE? DOES ANYBODY IDOLIZE THESE BLATANT FOOLS ANYMORE? CELEBRITY IS SO OVER.

WITH THEIR SUPER SECRET INSIDER HAND SIGNS, DRUNKEN ON-CAMERA RACIST RANTS, GROSS SEX SCANDALS, DEBILITATING PHOBIA OF AGING NATURALLY AND GRACEFULLY, HIDDEN CULTURE OF PEDOPHILIA, OBSESSION WITH SELF, OBSESSION WITH LOOKS AND STUPID MATERIAL “THINGS”, CONSTANT NEED FOR REASSURANCE, PATHETIC SEARCH FOR VALIDATION AND SELF-ESTEEM FROM TOTAL EFFING STRANGERS, INABILITY TO FORM LASTING MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIPS WITH ANYONE OF SUBSTANCE, CONSTANT NEED TO FEEL “CURRENT” OR LOVED BY PEOPLE THEY WILL NEVER EVEN KNOW….WHAT A WASTE OF A LIFE.


WHO THE HELL WANTS TO BE A CELEBRITY ANYMORE? I GREW UP A LONG TIME AGO.



LOVE AND LIGHT

am I the only one that needs to know every single detail of Johnny Cade’s life? what did he have for breakfast on this day? what are his daily thoughts? does he think of something funny and make himself laugh? is he crushing on dallas winston? these are need to know things

anonymous asked:

good luck with the traffic! also, what do you think anyone from yuri!!! on ice likes to drink? (besides champagne lol)

DRINK HEADCANONS!!! LET’S DO THIS

  • yuuri katsuki: i bet yuuri is lowkey a hard alcohol kind of kid??? like he sticks to whiskey and vodka because it makes him feel less bloated than wine and beer, and the calories are lower.  this would explain why he has such an insane tolerance.  when yuuri goes to bars i bet he orders something simple like a whiskey ginger or a vodka tonic.  i can imagine he also likes vodka crans, but someone said “are you drinking a vodka cran?” to him one time, and he felt so thoroughly dissected that he has never ordered one since.  on the NA-side, i bet yuuri drinks a lot of tea and coffee to survive early mornings.   
  • victor nikiforov: i mean, vodka, right??? right? but also i bet that victor is that level of bougie that loves apothecary bars with handcrafted drinks and house-made bitters.  he probably likes drinks with egg yolks whipped into them.  he only orders top shelf, and probably has his own home bar where he tries his hand at mixology and doing tom cruise cocktail flips.  his drinks are actually terrible, and his friends don’t have the heart to tell him, because they usually can’t taste anything after the second anyway.  he probably drinks a lot of shitty lagers too, and can afford to because he’s built like a brick shithouse.  for NA-drinks, i bet he just drinks a lot of water.  
  • phichit chulanont: probably doesn’t drink alcohol much, if at all.  i bet he likes sweet things like chai yen and melon soda.  if he drank alcohol, i bet he would make fun of white girls and look at the table and be like, “you guys wanna be bad? lets be bad,” and order a thousand-calorie margarita or something blue with a redbull canned upturned in it (actually tbh that sounds like a yuuri katsuki move).  but i doubt he drinks.
  • jean-jacques leroy: i hate that i headcanon him as a beer snob, because i’m a beer snob, but he’s a total beer snob.  because he’s from montreal i bet he drinks lots of dieu du ciel and le castor.  his favorite beer style is IPA, because he’s basic.  
  • christophe giacometti: whatever this drink was in Forgetting Sarah Marshall: 
  • Andy Lincoln: *has insightful, poetic things to say about Richonne*
  • A SIP OF WINE LATER...
  • Tipsy Andy Lincoln: *dirty Richonne thoughts*
  • Tipsy Andy Lincoln: *oh my...how rude...I really mustn't...*
  • ANOTHER SIP OF WINE LATER...
  • Unfiltered, Tipsy, Captain Andy Lincoln: Hey everybody! Michonne totally licks me clean!!! *jumps up on his chair like an overexcited Tom Cruise*
So I’ve Started Played DnD Again...

Thanks to a friend inviting me to their DnD group, I get to Skype-roleplay a chaotic good half-elf sorcerer with a slight drinking problem and a propensity to hit on everyone. Here’s a few things that have happened so far:


Me, hungover and meeting the Tiefling monk in my party: “Well that has to be the second horniest guy I’ve seen this week.”
Him: “…okay that’s a reaction I haven’t gotten before.”


Me, out of character: “Now this vampire lord, would you describe him as attractive? On a scale of like, ‘Interview with a Vampire’ hot?”
DM: “Hmm….Not Brad Pitt hot but around Tom Cruise hot.”
Me, In-Character: “Oh crap, he’s hot.” 


Me, drinking from a flask: “Fuck you I am refined as fuck.”


Me: “I say, ‘Allow me, Sir’ and cast Mending on the guard’s broken helmet.
DM: “The guard can lift his visor easily now and says, ‘Wow, thanks! That sure is handy. You could give my wife a run for her money!’”
Me: “Hun, you have no idea.”
Party: *groans*


Me: “I cast levitate on the dire wolf.” *rolls*
DM: “The dire wolf, having failed his saving throw, wiggles his paws impotently in the air as he floats up to the ceiling, unable to attack anyone.”
Me: “Hang there for bit, pup, I’ll get back to you.”
Party: *groans*


DM: “The vampire lord chuckles haughtily and glides backwards, vanishing into the darkness.”
Me: “I cast middle finger at the darkness.”


Tiefling monk, regaining conscious: “What did I miss?”
Me, pointing to the ceiling: “We have a pet wolf now.”


Me, sitting in front of a burning house full of screaming vampires, drinking from a flask: “You guys said we were going to a winery.”

Epic Movie (Re)Watch #195 - Kong: Skull Island

Spoilers Below

Have I seen it before: Yes

Did I like it then: Yes.

Do I remember it: Yes.

Did I see it in theaters: Yes.

Was it a movie I saw since August 22nd, 2009: Yes, #478.

Format: Blu-ray

1) 1944 prologue.

The prologue with Marlow and Gunpei does well to set up the film’s strong sense of visuals (look at how nice that freaking beach is!) and wastes absolutely no time in introducing us to our giant monster of the film. One of the criticisms of the 2014 Godzilla was its reluctance to show us Godzilla (something I have mixed feelings on) but this film just dives right into it with great effect.

2) I’ve already made on comparison with the 2014 Godzilla and the reason for that is - for those who don’t know - because this film and that film take place in the same continuity. Warner Brothers and Legendary are crafting a Cinematic Universe based on these giant monster properties, so there are some consistencies between both films which I appreciate. One of those consistencies is the opening credits scene over Monarch footage.

Originally posted by kaijusaurus

3) Oh boy…

Randa [towards the end of the Vietnam War]: “Mark my words: there will never be a more screwed up time in Washington.”

(GIF source unknown [if this is your GIF please let me know].)

4) The intro to John Goodman’s Bill Randa is very good at establishing how dedicated he is to his mission, even if we don’t understand the backstory yet. We know through the writing and Goodman’s performance that Randa is strongly motivated, that his personal stakes are high, and somehow this work for us even before we figure out why.

5) Samuel L. Jackson as Col. Packard.

Originally posted by saintalia

Similar to Goodman’s Randa, we get a strong sense of the character’s motivations immediately. Packard is a dog of war who NEEDS a fight. It’s what has defined him and he tries to justify it with [and this is not an exact quote], “We fight the fight so our families back home don’t have to!” But really he’s just looking to stay in the environment he knows. War defines him and he goes chasing for a war when there isn’t one. His deprecation into madness feels very similar to Col. Kurtz from Heart of Darkness and I dig that.

6) Tom Hiddleston as Conrad.

Originally posted by t-h-e--l-i-s-t

Hilddeston’s performance in this film is a nice departure from - say - Loki (not that he’s bad as Loki). The grizzled/jaded rogue can easily be a cliché trope that ends up creating boring characters, but Hiddleston is able to make Conrad unique. He’s not Han Solo, he’s not the same character Tom Cruise seems to want to play in all his films, he’s a little sadder and a little more tragic. Hiddleston plays this well and I think it is one of many things which helps make the film as good as it is.

7) Brie Larson as Weaver.

Originally posted by maryxglz

I love Brie Larson. You could have Brie Larson read the phone book and I’d watch. I first saw her in Hoot when I was 10 and when she won the Oscar I was so freaking happy. She’s good in everything; even if the movie is of lesser quality Brie Larson is likely very good in it. This film is NOT of lesser quality and Brie Larson is still very good in it. Weaver is strong and determined without devolving into an “Action Girl” trope if that makes sense. She’s not strong because she can kickass (her greatest weapon is her camera), she’s strong because she doesn’t waiver and does the right thing even when it’s easy. She stands on her own, with Larson breathing incredible life into the part which helps her stand side by side with a freaking giant gorilla.

8) As you may have noted from the fact that most of my notes so far have been about characters and actors, this film’s strongest asset may well be its and characters. By using strong character actors such as John Ortiz, Toby Kebbell, Shea Whigham, Thomas Mann, Jason Mitchell, and Marc Evan Jackson (among others) each member of the away team is unique and memorable in their own right. We consistently get small but strong moments which further develop characters like Whigham’s Cole and Kebbell’s Chapman, helping the audience invest in pretty much every single character which results in an emotional response when they die or are put into danger. There is no weak link in this chain, you understand all of them through these small but telling moments/interactions. Somehow the filmmakers are able to take what is often the weakest aspect of a giant monster movie - the human characters - and make it the strongest element in Kong: Skull Island.

Originally posted by bitchbehumble

9) I particularly resonate with Corey Hawkins as Brooks.

Brooks is sensible, curious, cautious, but never cowardly. He may be reluctant to go into danger but that doesn’t mean he shies away from it, while his relationship with Randa is also fun to watch as it speaks to a strong history between the two. Brooks might be my favorite character in the film. Or second favorite after Marlow, but we’ll get to that later.

10) The scene where all the helicopters fly through the storm is a nice way of dividing the normal world and Skull Island, as when they come through the other side the island already feels like a different world.

Originally posted by theartofwriting-imagines

11) Skull Island.

Originally posted by thenarddog

Kong’s native land is much more a point of focus in this film than other’s before, warranting an entire subtitle devoted to it. The immediate visual aesthetic upon arriving to Skull Island helps establish the character of this place, which only develops as the film continues. Because that’s what Skull Island is: its a character as important as Kong to this movie. The filmmakers put such care into small moments with the island (the bison, the giant spider encounter, etc.) that it helps to make Skull Island an environment the audience can understand perfectly by the film’s conclusion.

12) First real encounter with Kong. AKA: Kong VS Helicopters.

This scene is absolutely amazing at establishing the incredible scope of our titular monster. We got a sense of his size in the prologue, but now it’s not a sense it’s a definition. This scene establishes Kong. It establishes his size, his strength, his ferocity, all in an incredibly entertaining set piece. Besides the monster, it establishes the sense of action the film will have moving forward and acts as a truly wonderful inciting incident that organically separates the away team. In five minutes, the entire direction of the story has changed and it just feels so organic. Whereas Godzilla took an hour to show its monster, this movie wastes no time in reminding us that Kong is king.

13) This little scene between Packard and Randa about the USS Laughton is an incredibly organic way of tying this movie into the larger Monster-Verse. It is done through the lens of Randa’s backstory and history instead of, “Here’s what the audience needs to know,” much as Bryan Cranston was a device of exposition through tragic obsession in Godzilla. I dig it.

Originally posted by saintalia

14) I am so so so so SO happy that this film disposes of the “dangerous natives” trope that has plagued pretty much every King Kong movie to come before it. The natives are shown as a culture of people, not vicious animals. They’re not even primitive, necessarily, as Marlow talks about who they’re past certain things our culture has. They’re more simple, peaceful, instead of savage. And they’re not the only non-white representation in the film, there are more non-white people than JUST the natives in this movie and I’m just so over the roof that this film finally did away with that archaic trope.

15) Chapman at the water’s edge is more about developing Kong through an encounter with this giant squid than anything else, letting the audience know that he’s more than just some dumb dangerous beast. Chapman is jus who we see this through.

16) Marlow has so many great moments in this film. I’ll talk more about him and John C. Reilly in a sec, but come on!

Marlow [about WW2]: “What happened with the war? Did we win?”

Slivko: “Which one?”

Marlow: “Eh, that makes sense.”

Marlow [about the “devils” of the island]: “I call them Skullcrawlers.”

Conrad: “Why?”

Marlow: “Because it sounds neat.”

17) John C. Reilly as Marlow.

Originally posted by kpfun

Marlow is honestly the beating heart of this entire freaking movie. Reilly is able to bring such warmth to the character who is already pretty damn strong in the writing. He shows a respect to nature and the island, he is incredibly kind despite his situation, but that doesn’t mean he’s a pushover. The way he speaks of his lost friend - a former enemy to boot - and the family he misses just wrenches at your heart strings. It is Marlow which propels this film past an empty monster movie to make it an emotional and human adventure where you are rooting for the main characters. I just…I really freaking like Marlow.

18) The film cutting between the three separated parties (Conrad’s party, Packard’s party, and Chapman on his own) could easily have fucked up pacing but the filmmakers are able to do it well enough that it doesn’t mess with the flow of the story. Pacing is never lost.

19) I love the scene where Marlow is caught up on history, like putting a man on the moon and the Cold War. Also I saw this in Chicago like four to five months after the Cubs won so his line about, “Did the Cubs win the world series?” got a good reaction.

20) If you ever want to know how to develop your characters simply, I recommend that you look at the scene where Conrad talks about his late father. Because that’s really what character development is. Small moments where we are made to understand the characters better.

21) I haven’t really talked about Terry Notary or Toby Kebbell’s motion capture work as the titular monster and I really should. It’s easy to forget that there’s an actor behind a character like Kong who just seems so naturally otherworldly, which I think just speaks to how well the performers and motion capture artists do their job. You’re not thinking about the actor behind the part or even if there is an actor there. They embrace the role of Kong so completely that you don’t question you’re just watching Kong on screen.

Originally posted by fresherbrine

22) So there’s a moment in the middle of the film when you sort of forget how dangerous Skull Island is, but the movie does a good job of reminding you of the danger by abruptly and shockingly killing of John Ortiz’s character. There was this woman in the theater who jumped so hard when he got swept up by those pterodactyls it made the whole movie better.

23) The mass grave skirmish.

Originally posted by olvaheinerthewatcher

I mentioned this a lot when I was posting about Hitchcock movies last year, but tension does not come from speeding the story up but by slowing it down. That is especially true in this scene, as (in a very Jaws like way) we don’t see the Skullcrawlers for a lot of it but we know they’re there. Meanwhile I absolutely love the way one of them swallowed a camera with a broken flash so that sound and flash of light is what tells you they’re near. Also this is a fucking badass image:

Originally posted by lokihiddleston

24) Just a quick little thing: I love that this movie doesn’t have a romantic subplot. At all. You can easily ship characters (Brooks and San are two characters I ship), but the film doesn’t take the time to develop any romances which makes sense because THEY’RE ON A FREAKING MONSTER ISLAND TRYING TO GET OF! So yeah, I like that there’s no romance in this movie.

25) The scene where Packard is trying to kill Kong has a number of nice visual parallels with when Kong beat on the helicopters, mainly when Packard clenches his fists.

26) Cole’s death is incredibly heartbreaking because he’s hoping the Skullcrawler will swallow him with two grenades in his hand, but it just whips him against a mountain where his death didn’t even accomplish what he hoped it would. This is why the film takes so much time to develop these characters: so they’re deaths hit harder.

27) Kong VS Skullcrawler

Originally posted by ageofsuperheroes

Okay, this is freaking awesome. In the same scene Kong uses a tree as a spear/bat thing to beat on the Skullcrawler BEFORE HE USES A BOAT PROPELLER AS A WEAPON TO WAIL ON THE THING! Also Weaver gets to shoot a flare at the Skullcrawler like a total badass. Honestly this scene is just filled with so many incredible visuals and a wonderful sense of fun from beginning to end. It’s just a really freaking good climax.

Originally posted by kaijusaurus

Originally posted by dedicatedtokingkong

28) I’m so happy Marlow survived, that we get to see him return home to his wife and son. I get a little teary every time I see that.

29) Okay, let me tell you something about this post credits scene.

First of all, this is awesome. But I mentioned before that I saw this in the theater. Well when they’re showing all the monsters I hear this guy behind me eagerly say each of their names. “Mothra! Rodan! King Ghidorah!” The movie ends, I turn around to this guy and say, “I don’t know who you are but I feel like I should give you bumps.” This unfortunately speaks to my own biases about what I expected someone who geeks out about Japanese movie monsters to look like, but I was not expecting an African American man in his 60s with the biggest smile on his face ever. AND HE GAVE ME A FIST BUMP! I’ve seen 507 movies in theaters over the course of 8 years and that is one of my favorite stories ever.


Kong: Skull Island is crazy fun and much better than you might expect it to be. The human characters are surprisingly well developed and acted very well, while the film does not skimp on the giant monster action that helps give the movie its entertainment value. John C. Reilly is a particular standout among the cast, but literally I cannot think of a poor performance in this entire film. The visuals are strong, it is paced excellently, and all in all it’s just a very good film I think you should see.

Was it all about?

When I rewatch old movies I start to think that what is created now is nothing.
The new Hollywood generation can’t be compared to the one we had in the 90s. God, it was amazing. Leonardo DiCaprio (Do you remember what Leo mania means? Yes, we have lots of popular actors now, and you can recall Pattenson, for example, but Twilight compared to Titanic, are you serious? No way!) Mark Walberg, Jake Gyllenhaal, Tom Cruise, Johnny Depp, Tobey Maguire, Tom Hanks, Brad Pitt, Edward Norton. Matt Damon and Ben Affleck (and Casey), who were best friends since their childhood, who wrote a script, which no one wanted to touch and which won the Academy Award (as Robin Williams). That was truly unforgettable. When Heath Ledger came to Hollywood and starred in ‘10 things I hate about you’ and made everyone fall in love with his smile.

Originally posted by nestyanyan

 Winona Ryder, Nicole Kidman, Kate Winslet, Cameron Diaz, Hilary Swank, Christina Ricci, Jennifer Connelly and Julia Roberts did impressive things and played characters we love so much. A prostitute, who was a really pretty woman, or a girl, who was cute and creepy at the same time and winning the heart of trolls’ king. 

Originally posted by fisnikjasharii

 No doubt, we have good actors and good films now. I’m in love with ‘The social network’ and so on but come on…When Brad and George worked on Ocean’s 11, when Robert Downey Jr. was Charlie Chaplin and dated Aunt May (Marisa Tomei) in Rome, Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones saved the world from aliens… It was legendary…        

Originally posted by red-blue-velvet

 As their teachers: Martin Scorsese, Anthony Hopkins, Jack Nicholson, Robert DeNiro. And it wasn’t for a paycheck, it was for history that they created together.

Originally posted by richdifeo

So, now tell me, was it all about?

anonymous asked:

I saw that just recently Jamie Foxx and Katie Holmes were spotted holding hands at the beach and although it may sound random, I couldn't help but find similarities to H+L. Jamie and Katie have been linked together for YEARS but never confirmed, they've gently denied their romance several times before, and it was rumored that after Katie's divorce from Tom Cruise she had to be single for 5 years (due to some weird contract that came from being married to Tom). (1/2)

I think of two things immediately: A. It’s futile to deny that celebrities ARE roped into weird, stupid contracts that DO control their personal lives. B. If Jamie and Katie could survive for at least 4 years (they were first linked in 2013) then H+L can do it, too. I know all we can do is speculate about what type of contract they’re in that may be affecting their private lives, but Jamie and Katie proved that if they can wait it out, it WILL expire and they can be free. (2/2)

__________

Thank you so much for this message.

I’m always amused to read messages that claim the opposite. I know, we all get them. Despite all evidence.

I just hope that the boys know they always have support from us. No matter what goes down, they will have fans who will be here for them, because they’ve been there for us.

We’re here for their happy ending. One day they will be able to openly choose. That will be a good day.

[^scan from a 90′s magazine by @thesaramonster]

Tom has said that he didn’t change the script for IWTV. Whether you believe him or not is up to you, but considering what did make it into the finished film (and reliable sources I have spoken to directly), I’d say he was willing to do pretty much everything they asked for. 

And keep in mind that that movie really did push the envelope for its time. There are things in it that are still very difficult to film even now.

tomania (tom holland series) (II)

a/n: you know how I said wholesome, non-romantic humour? Oh well 😏😉😛 the second part to this series. I really have no idea how long this thing is gonna be. But I’m having fun writing this and I think (?) you’re all liking it (?) Anyways, thank you so much for all your support :) xx NK ___________________________________________

“Who is that?”

She shrugged, creeping closer to her own door like it was some obscure radioactive material Tom Cruise was dumb enough to let into the wrong hands. Tom, her best friend not the sub-par action star, watched warily, unsure about what to do. Retta turned the door knob enough to see who it was and immediately tried to close it shut.

“Hey! Come on! Don’t do that!”

The man pushed her aside and entered the room of his own free will, leaving Tom and Retta both speechless.

“I know I didn’t call back last night.”

“I didn’t want you to.”

“Yeah, you did.”

He said cockily. Retta rolled her eyes. Ric was a text-book egotistical maniac. But hey, at least he was hot and decent in bed, right?

“You need to go.”

She said curtly, her back to the door. Tom and Retta both counted their blessings that he hadn’t seen the other man in the room. But it was only a matter of time. Tom wasn’t exactly the sort you could ignore for too long. She knew this better than most.

“Don’t be like that, babe.”

Ric said, brushing a finger along the length of her arm. Normally, Retta would break by then. Slam him against a wall and have her way with him. She rarely thought sex through because she rarely, genuinely liked the people she had sex with.

Shaking him off, she said,

“I’m not your babe.”

Ric licked his lips and leaned in closer to her to say something-something Tom didn’t think he would ever hear.

“Is this about the Tom guy?”

Her inner Devil face-palmed herself. Twice. Retta was hoping to put last night behind her. But when did the universe actually ever listen to her?

“There’s nothing……it’s not about him.”

Retta stiffened. She was embarrassed beyond belief and Ric, the dumbass twat that he was, was only making things worse.

Tom froze. He didn’t want to react. But his heart was thudding so loudly against his chest he thought it would escape through his intercostal muscles.

He swallowed hard, trying not to let his expectations rise. He tried not to show how excited he was, how scared too, that the feelings he rarely allowed himself to feel for Retta might, by some divine power, be reciprocated.

Tom felt his skin become hot. His atoms wanted to escape his skin. And most of all, he wanted to run away, as a deep blush creeped up his cheeks.

He was trying to do anything but draw attention to himself. But that’s exactly what he did. Without his cap on, he burst out through the door when Ric l, confused and a little shocked, yelled out,

“Hey! You’re Spider-man!”

Tom stopped in his tracks, turning to look back at us. He looked alarmed beyond belief. And that turned into full-fledged panic when someone else yelled out,

“It’s Tom Holland! Guys, it’s Spider-man!”

And cue the shrill screaming of young adults of all sexes and majors, chasing after my best friend.

anonymous asked:

Svt scoups with female reader smut w/S

Originally posted by scoupstv

S: “you’re my older brother’s best friend but let’s fuck anyway”

(I was just watching an old Super Panic Frenzy video that directly inspired this one)

It was Friday afternoon.

No homework, your mom had left you money to order a pizza because she was going to be at work late, your brother was staying at his friend’s house for the night. It was your night.

You could give yourself a manicure, have a Friends marathon, do whatever the hell you wanted.

And at the moment, the ideal thing to do seemed to be – ditch your backpack, ditch your pants, plug in your headphones, and have a dance marathon. Tom Cruise had it right when he acted out that famous scene in Risky Business. Dancing is so much more fun without pants on.

You made your way down into the family room and turned something random on the TV – the best Friday afternoon cartoons, obviously, and continued your ass shaking, hip swaying, random arm seizing as you moved into the kitchen to get a snack.

You squealed when you saw a muscled, sweaty man standing at your kitchen counter, scooping a spoon into a jar of peanut butter.

You ripped your headphones out at lightning speed as you stood there in shock.

“Jesus Christ, can you not scream like that?” Your brother Joshua whined, appearing from behind the large refrigerator door as he closed it. “I think you cracked my eardrum.”

“Mom said you weren’t coming home after practice.” You gaped at him, heart still thumping loudly in your chest.

You were trying your hardest to ignore the fact that your long time crush was standing there, now boring into you with his big eyes as he licked his spoon. (It really didn’t help that he was wearing his thin basketball practice jersey, glistening with sweat and showing off his impossible biceps.)

“I wasn’t supposed to. We went to Seungcheol’s house but neither of his parents are home and he forgot his key.” Joshua said all of this quite condescendingly, as if you should have already known.

“I’m really forgetful.” Seungcheol explained. There was a unique glint in his eye and his tone of voice was… suspicious to say the least.

“So we’re gonna go to my room and watch Kill Bill.” Joshua snided. “Don’t bother us. And put some fucking pants on.”

A hot blush swarmed your cheeks as the words hit your ears. You had forgotten your lack of clothing – especially in front of Seungcheol. Joshua grabbed an armful of snacks and his backpack before he was gone. Seungcheol himself didn’t move, just stared at you for a moment. He took the jar of peanut butter in his hand and walked past you, and you let out a sigh of relief.

“I think your panties are cute.” He whispered in your ear from behind. You gasped. “And you know… I’m so sweaty from practice that I’m gonna have to take a shower. I’m just so forgetful that I might happen to leave the door unlocked. But you don’t care about that, do you, Princess?”

He left the most tender, fleeting peck on the nape of your neck before he walked away.

You could have passed out right there.

(again, I know this isn’t smut but I got really into the au and I got carried away)

-Tanisha<3