i have a lot of feelings about these three

anonymous asked:

Me and my girlfriend have been dating for about three months, and it was super fun and great at the beginning, but recently we haven't been hanging out as much and she hasn't been texting or snapchatting me a lot. I'm feeling really insecure about it and I'm afraid she's gonna break up with me, but I think I'm overreacting and it's all in my head, any advice on what I should do?

You should talk with her. Ask her why she does not text you.

anonymous asked:

I would not be opposed to hearing your Lost feelings...

FRIEND I AM SO GLAD SOMEONE FEELS THIS WAY. I will take your neutrality as a cue to share my most important thoughts about Lost, with spoilers for everything:

  • I know that daddy issues and baby-having issues are the focal points of the first three seasons intentionally but god am I glad when we move past those to the equally-societally-pressing issues of time travel and the Dharma Initiative.
  • We all talk about what a terrible leader Jack is and that is totally true but when your choices are Jack and Locke I honestly think I would choose Jack, who is an equal level of fuck-up but not mesmerized by the magic of the island.
  • There’s a very careful balance of batshit that I like in my Lost. Seasons one and two are too fairly-straightforward for me; if I want to watch people fighting on an island I watch Survivor. But once the Dharma initiative comes into play and the Others are there and there’s fucking TIME TRAVEL I am delighted. But then they introduce Jacob (as an actual actor rather than as an invisible figurehead) and I’m like “This is maybe a bridge too far?”
  • Ana-Lucia’s death is an actual fucking tragedy and I am never going to be over it.
  • What was even the POINT of killing off both Boone and Shannon within half a season of each other? They’re SIBLINGS, kill one off to prompt misery in the other! I am annoyed at how uneconomical the storytelling is to off them both.
  • I feel like there are a lot more comments about Hurley’s weight than I remembered from my first watch. That’s a part of the show that has not aged well.
  • Sawyer/Juliet is everything and I am always surprised by how much a canon het ship hits me but THERE YOU GO I GUESS. I always get through seasons three and four like “Why do I not feel more for Kate/Juliet that should be my thing?” and then hey check it out season five happens MY HEART WAS SAVING ITSELF FOR THAT. Also I totally don’t care about Sawyer for three seasons to the point that his flashback episodes bore me and then in season four I’m Invested and then season five and he’s LaFleur and I’m like FUCK I GET IT NOW
  • I spend a lot of time feeling bad that Daniel Dae Kim doesn’t get more to do because I love him.
  • I want so badly to care more about Kate than I do.
  • Ben Ben Ben Ben BEN i love Ben he’s a sociopath with no redeeming value and I love that they never try to make him more than that, including when he’s a child. Like I am sure there’s a fan base saying “Some people? Murder the entire Dharma Initiative? To cope????” but the show doesn’t support that and that pleases me.
  • On that note I hope everyone has watched the Skullcrusher Mountain fanvid for Lost because it’s the best.
  • I can never tell if the show wants me to believe that everyone’s level of fuck-uppery is equal and that’s why they’re all on the island, or just that they all feel the same level of guilt and that’s why they’re all on the island, but I would really like a third option where I don’t need to rationalize how their backgrounds are equal.
  • One cool thing about having OCD is that when I’m in sessions with my therapist and talking about my issues with numbers sometimes I think about how I sound like literally everyone on the show circa s2 and crack up in the middle of what should be my focus on my mental health.
  • Here is something that has happened to me multiple times now: I see an actor and I’m like “HOLY SHIT HE LOOKS FAMILIAR WHAT DO I KNOW HIM FROM” and it turns out it’s from earlier in the series. It wasn’t a “Hey it’s that guy” situation, it was a continuity one. I am literally the worst at watching this show.
  • I really hate Desmond and I know he’s a fan favorite but his pursuit of Penny always feels more stalkerish than romantic to me.
  • Except for his relationship with Charlotte I love Daniel Faraday with all my heart. Variable > constant 4eva
  • I keep remembering all the Lost fic I wanted to write that I never wrote and feeling vaguely guilty about it but also like there’s not enough of a fandom for me to care to write it now, especially when it would mostly be crossovers.
  • I’ve never rewatched season six before (although I loved it on first watch, INCLUDING THE FINALE, FIGHT ME (but maybe not yet I haven’t rewatched it yet)), but I am really looking forward to seeing the flash-sideways again and I’m kind of ashamed of myself for feeling that way but I’m super excited about the moments when everyone remembers they know each other are and also where Juliet finally shows up.


I know I’ve made a lot of posts recently about disturbing dynamics on this website but I really feel that I’ve narrowed down three big factors that have corrupted the way we interact, and can lead to anything from ineffective annoying conversations, to actual abuse. those factors are:

-pain and trauma being reconceptualized as currency for credibility or social capital (and how this takes away from genuine interaction and replaces it with performativity) 

-pain and trauma being reconceptualized as a bargaining chip to get one out of accountability (ditto with what I said in the parenthesis in the first one) 

-the above two factors leading to a normalization invasiveness on a level that would otherwise be disturbing / being encouraged to disclose painfully private information. 

for a lot of bloggers who talk about marginalization and social issues, whether you have a “discourse sideblog” or a Serious Leftist Blog or a fandom blog, patterns have come up on here that over time have encouraged people to play up their already present fatigue and anger, because they’ll be awarded with popularity and credibility for making public displays out of very personal pain. with frequency over time, these displays become less about genuine sharing and helping situations, and more about subconscious (or conscious depending on the blogger) manipulation in a way: “what will I get from sharing this”. whether or not that manipulation is intentional, when this stuff is normalized people start to do it almost mindlessly, and it compromises any chance for compassion and trust and genuineness.  

when we discuss oppression and power, we are often already bitter and tired from whatever contexts we have. and that comes out normally in justifiable situations - the bitterness in and of itself isn’t what I’m criticizing. this isn’t gonna turn into some “we have to be graceful and tone police ourselves for the comfort of people who hurt us” post. the problem I’m putting my finger on is when, on top of our original bitterness and tiredness that we already have to shoulder, marginalized people are also being egged on to perform MORE of it as a show of “look at how mean and jaded I am, that makes me more credible and likable than you because I act more visibly mean and jaded at all times”. it’s also the invasiveness. it’s also the detachment from reality. it’s a lot and I’m just gonna try and list a few examples I’ve seen in the past couple of months that have not changed or gotten much better from the way things were on here in 2014 or 2012: 

-I’ve seen popular bloggers respond one way to another adult with genuinely abusive politics, and then turn around and respond the exact same way to a 13 year old with a silly question that seemed obvious/embarrassing. and then act confused when told that there should have been a difference in their responses for it to remain appropriate. 

-I know people who feel uncomfortable posting on here when they’re genuinely hurting and in need of support, but who have learned to almost nonchalantly pull out a laundry list of grotesquely detailed stories of trauma in order to prove a point in a stupid argument, because they’ve been taught that’s necessary in order for them to be listened to.

-at one point I was convinced that if I ever decided to have patience with someone who asked an ignorant question, or stick it out through the conversation to try to change someone’s mind, it wouldn’t be half as radical as just throwing out some over the top “go fuck yourself in the ass” and making 6 posts about how I blocked them and “did you SEE that idiot??? they must hate everyone in group x”. and honestly that’s. ridiculous and is only “effective” if we just wanna stay in an insular little circle laughing at everyone without a gender studies degree. like again, it’s normal to be bitter and tired and choose not to deal with someone, or deal with someone unkindly if they aren’t listening or are evoking oppressive rhetoric, but the idea that I feel like some of us have learned that we ALWAYS have to interact like that in order to prove your politics are radical (it truly is our version of 3dgy blogging lmao) is exhausting. 

-I’ve seen people who have suggested that they are trying to heal mentally or emotionally in some way, and have been accused of selling out. like somehow “not everyone can achieve recovery” turned into “anyone who talks about recovery for their own self is a sellout” - I had to leave certain mental health related blogging circles because of this. 

-re: pain/trauma being used as bargaining tool for getting let off the hook for genuinely abusive interactions: again referring to some mental health related activist communities, in some circles, “don’t associate mentally ill people as being inherently abusive” somehow turned into “if someone is mentally ill they can never be called on abusive or even slightly harmful interactions.” similarly, this has happened in other “leftist” conversations along identity politics lines of “well, seeing as I have this marginalized experience, I can’t be touched with critique”. this is defensiveness taken too far and stagnates our ability to grow and actually promote healthy treatment of others (something we all claim we are trying to do)

-things that have been encouraged by self proclaimed activists include: publicizing your mental health record and whether or not you have been raped, or whether or not you have a confusing relationship with sex, or whether or not you have been a victim of familial abuse, seems just as par for the course in some circles as publicizing your astrological sign. obviously choosing to share this is an option, but I and others have been pressured before to include such information beyond reason in order to be granted access to a discussion or to have a set of ideas/concerns listened to. 

none of these things should seem normal or healthy. I’ve gotten caught up in some of those mentalities multiple times and am still struggling to stay away from them. obviously in some conversations, a little indication that you aren’t a preachy outsider can be good, but rhetoric that tries to narrow down who we should listen to to “only people who have this identity and experienced this exact thing at 8 am on a tuesday and are willing to yell it into a megaphone” will not accomplish anything except for telling strangers on the internet that they are morally deplorable and unreliable if they do not allow you to invade their space and their private life. 

and the consequence of this is that even though we become used to talking about personal grief in a detached, non-genuine way, when we have to engage with the complexities of people’s realities, including their grief and suffering, on a real level, we flounder. pain should never be reduced to a bargaining token the way it has been on here. a lot of us have enough anger and fatigue already, we don’t need to be egged on by peers to constantly flaunt it as a show even when we aren’t actively feeling it, or be pushed to the point where we feel foolish or less credible or relatable for wanting to heal even a bit. I’m first and foremost sad that this is some young people’s first exposure to communities and dialogues that are supposed to be overcoming some form of liberation. 

all of these issues made more complex by a mix of ages and experiences and blogging styles, sometimes that complexity is dangerous (re: the age thing, like imagine growing into politics and adult social friendships on this forum. there are young teenagers whose primary source of growing into those things is here.) and sometimes it’s just annoying, but either way it’s beyond time to try to address and change some of these behaviors on a large scale. I’ve seen some individual bloggers come to similar realizations and grow and change, and those are the mutuals and friends that I’ve kept on here. 

and maybe it’s a losing battle, and maybe a website where social capital / notes is a central feature will always create disconnect and divisiveness, like I know this could never be the Perfect Safe Revolutionary Space for holding conversations, but still I want to see more people realizing that some of the shit on here is not exactly something we want to be getting used to especially if we ever want to advertise leftist blogging spheres here as moral examples. 

Imagine him waiting for you like this ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

I should’ve done this sooner! I don’t know why I didn’t lol srsly…Yoongi, leather and bikes..man….three thing that I love and it’s such a nice concept <3

Waahhh sorry for the inactivity ;__; I haven’t been feeling well lately and I kinda have an artblock orz I sketched this before my pc got all fucked up but I completely forgot about it! lol There’s a lot of things I want to do but I don’t have the time to actually do them *cries* ;n;

tiberiusbee  asked:

Hi, Cassie! I was wondering about the mexican characters in TDA: Are we going to see them talking more about Mexico and their family there? I really want to know more about Cristina, Diego and Jaime ❤️ Thank you for all of your books, Shadowhunters always help me when I feel bad. I hope you have a nice day 💕

Hi! You will definitely get to know all three more. One of the fun things about writing series books is that in each book, you can get to know the characters you’ve already introduced or hinted at better and more deeply. We will see Jaime, and learn more about his and Diego’s family, their secrets and their demanding past. Cristina also does often think about Mexico since she is a little homesick. And I had a lot of fun doing research in and about Mexico!

Thoughts of home tore at Cristina. Her mother, her cousins. Better, past days with Diego and Jaime: She remembered a weekend she had spent with them once, tracking a demon in the dilapidated ghost town of Guerrero Viejo. The dreamlike landscape all around them: half-drowned houses, feathery weeds, buildings long discolored by water. She had lain on a rock with Jaime under uncountable stars, and they had told each other what they wanted most in the world: she, to end the Cold Peace; he, to bring honor back to his family.


loosely based on/ inspired by this post || i imagined them having a sleepover together on the rooftop after the happenings of holiday star… just because… we need more happy content….

i wanted to add yuuya, tohri and leone as a bonus but i couldn’t draw anymore :’^)) feel free to reblog and add them if ya wanna!!

just imagine Harry getting to know the whole queer culture at Hogwarts through Ginny.

“so I was dating Parvati for a while,” Ginny says, “after Lavender broke up with her. But obviously that didn’t work out because Lavender and Parv will always end up together.”

Harry’s eyes widen. “WAIT,” he blurts out, “they’re dating?????”

Ginny stares at him. “Obviously. They’ve been dating for three years.”

Harry is stunned. Ginny cannot believe that Harry doesn’t know this. 

“Are you sure it’s okay that you’re telling me this?” Harry asks cautiously.

Ginny rolls her eyes. “Harry. Literally the whole school knows about it. It’s not a secret.”

“Then of course it didn’t work out with Dean, for obvious reasons,” Ginny continues.

Keep reading

“Dennis’ Double Life” Defense & Explanations

In this post, I’ll attempt to explain/defend all of the controversial scenes in the Season 12 finale, “Dennis’ Double Life.” This write-up has helped me to appreciate the episode a lot better and it might help some people who have mixed feelings about the episode to view it in a different light.

NOTE: This is a mix of speculation and canon evidence.

Question 1: Why was Dennis a butt to Mac the entire episode, especially after he was so nice to him at the end of “The Gang Tends Bar”?

Answer 1: I will break this answer into three parts:

  • Part 1: I got the vibe that Mandy surprised Dennis with the visit, which explains why Dennis had mere seconds to tell the Gang to pretend that he was someone else. With the flesh-and-blood reality of Brian Jr. on his mind, I don’t think he had the mental energy to consider Mac at all. (In “The Gang Tends Bar,” Brian Jr. wasn’t there, so Dennis didn’t feel that immediate/strong pressure. Also, Dennis was emotionally vulnerable and available after having told the Gang about his “big feelings,” so he was able to react better to Mac)
  • Part 2: I’m not sure Dennis fully comprehends Mac’s feelings for him. I think he knows, to some degree, that Mac is attracted to him, but it wouldn’t surprise me if he sees Mac’s attraction to him as a kind of strange “hero worship.” Dennis verbally confirmed that Mac is gay in “Mac Day,” but he constantly acts weirded out or confused when Mac does/says something that shows that he has feelings for him. For example, in “Mac & Dennis Move to the Suburbs,” Dennis thought it was weird that Mac would name their dog Dennis Jr. That reaction, of course, mirrors Dennis’ reaction to Mac’s reveal that he perfectly recreated their old apartment. I don’t think he was trying to hurt Mac. He just flat out does not understand why Mac would go through all the trouble.
  • Dennis also doesn’t appear to understand his own feelings for Mac. He has asked Mac to “get off with him” (a “mostly sexual” manipulation game) and tried to get him to participate in a threesome with a male golf caddy in “Frank’s Back in Business,” admitted to Dee that he made his sex tapes for himself and Mac in “The Gang Group Dates,” stated that he has a thing with Mac where he picks out porn for them that he doesn’t want Charlie to join in on (“The Gang Spies Like U.S.”), and danced for Mac when he saw him avidly watching him in “PTSDee,” but he doesn’t see anything strange about this. It’s just par for the course in their relationship.
  • If Dennis has trouble seeing his own feelings, then like hell is he going to fully see Mac’s feelings. And if he can’t see Mac’s feelings, he can’t deal with them properly. 
  • Part 3: In the back of Dennis’ mind, he was seriously considering leaving the Gang and being a father to his son. He knows that leaving the Gang is going to hurt him, so he emotionally pushed them away. When the Gang becomes “lesser” in his mind, it doesn’t hurt as much to leave them.

Summary: Dennis was stressed the heck out about Brian Jr. and didn’t have the energy to deal with his relationship with Mac.

Question 2: Were Mac’s feelings for Dennis treated as a joke?

Answer 2: Not necessarily. Even though Dennis likes to act like he’s the smartest member of the Gang, Mac is clearly more aware and accepting of the nature of their relationship than Dennis is. Mac was 100% fine with them pretending to be a couple and raising Brian Jr. (with or without Mandy), not because he’s super desperate and lovesick, but because, no matter what they call their relationship (lovers, partners, pretend, friends), they’d still be together. Mac just loves being with Dennis and wants to help solve Dennis’ problem, so, of course, that would be his plan. (And it’s actually a good plan.)

It hurts the empathetic audience members to see Mac treated the way he is by Dennis, but it’s normal Dennis behavior that Mac has accepted. Mac has survived his internalized homophobia, his father’s dislike of him, his mother’s indifference to him, and the Gang’s occasional dislike of him. Mac is stronger than we think he is. And if he gets tired of Dennis, he definitely has the strength to walk away from their relationship relatively unscathed.

Summary: Mac was pretty much having fun playing a character (he even wanted his character’s name to be Griffin) and hanging out with Dennis and Dennis was stressed the hell out about Brian Jr.

Question 3: Charlie wanted to have sex? With The Waitress?

Answer 3: Yes. In “Charlie Has Cancer,” Charlie was visibly disappointed when he realized that he missed the chance to possibly have sex with The Waitress. In “Who Pooped the Bed?” a drunk Waitress stated that she would get drunker and bang a random dude and Charlie asked her if it could be him. In "The High School Reunion Part 2: The Gang’s Revenge,” when a drunk Waitress told the Gang that she’d bang the next person who talked to her, Charlie opened his mouth and stepped forward, but Schmitty came out of nowhere and The Waitress went home with him.

Summary: I know some people headcanon Charlie as ace and/or sex-repulsed (I personally headcanon him as gray ace) and that’s fine, but Charlie has expressed interest in having sex with The Waitress in the show.

Question 4: Why did the Waitress have sex with Charlie?

Answer 4: Surprisingly, the possibility of that happening was set up in a previous episode. In "Charlie and Dee Find Love,” (which was written by RCG) the Waitress reacted in an arguably jealous manner towards Charlie’s then-girlfriend Ruby (“Who the hell is this, Charlie?!”). Also, at the end of the episode, the Waitress told Charlie that she needed him in her life and that she was thinking about reducing his restraining order. Admittedly, the Waitress’ strange behavior was after Frank accidentally put rat poison in her shampoo (which made her sick) and hit her with his car (which put her in a hospital), so she could have some kind of permanent brain damage.

In the beginning of the show, the Waitress wasn’t attracted to Charlie, but was concerned about his well-being sometimes. (In "The Gang Gives Back,” she tried to help Charlie with his alcoholism) It’s possible that after “Charlie and Dee Find Love,” the Waitress’ view of Charlie started to change. As the years went on, the Waitress’ problems started to get worse and worse, and, like Cricket (her male counterpart), she still found herself continually drawn to the Gang. Even though she still thinks Charlie’s a mess, a part of her might think that he’s all that she has left. (And that might, sadly, be true) And, if Charlie can help her to fulfill her dream of having a baby, maybe things can get better for her.

Something I noticed as well is that the Waitress never said she loved Charlie back. It’s possible that she still doesn’t love Charlie and never will, but sees him simply as a partner that can help her to take care of her child. (Also, in order to get Frank’s money, she needs to be partnered with Charlie)

Question 5: What’s the deal with The Waitress acting the way she did after having sex with Charlie?

Answer 5: We don’t know that much about The Waitress, but we do know that she sometimes does/thinks weird stuff like the rest of the Gang. (In "Mac Bangs Dennis’ Mom,” The Waitress slept with Frank, a man she’s not attracted to at all, in an attempt to get back at Dennis because she thought he was cheating on her with older women. In “Charlie and Dee Find Love,” it’s hinted at that The Waitress might be stalking Dennis because she has his phone number even though he changed it. In “The Gang Group Dates,” after years of Dennis’ mistreatment of her, The Waitress was still excited about possibly being Dennis’ girlfriend.) Also, even though she was kind of aggressive towards Charlie, all of her points were valid, some of Charlie’s responses were dumb, and her dislike of Charlie is totally understandable.

Question 6: What’s the deal with Charlie freaking out after finally getting The Waitress’ attention?

Answer 6: Surprisingly, the possibility of that happening was set up in a previous episode. In Season 9’s "Flowers for Charlie,” Frank paid The Waitress to hang out with Charlie because he was getting worried about him after he started taking “intelligence” pills for an experiment. When the Waitress began talking about her life, Charlie immediately started getting annoyed, started hearing a ringing in his head, and had to leave. We found out at the end of the episode that these pills were placebos. Basically, this was a strong hint that Charlie might be in love with the idea of The Waitress, not the actual person. So, even though he has been stalking The Waitress for 15 years, he might not really want to be with the real her. (The fact that he thought of The Waitress’ negative reactions as a “game between them” is another hint, of course)

Also, even though Charlie fantasized about raising multiple children with The Waitress in “The Gang Saves the Day” (which aired before “Flowers for Charlie”), it was still a fantasy. Charlie might fantasize about having a nice house, a wife, and children, but he still likes living in his unfancy and dangerous apartment and doesn’t handle stress well. There are huge conflicts that he doesn’t see.

Also, keep in mind that he came up with the plan only a few hours earlier and he mentioned that he wanted to get The Waitress pregnant so she would be tied to him for life. (clearly no thought about the actual baby and being a father)

So, with Charlie being Charlie and the reality of the situation crashing on him, he is starting to freak out.

Summary: Charlie freaking out is 100% in character.

Question 7: Why was Charlie a butt to Dee after having sex with The Waitress?

Answer 7: Charlie is an idiot and a misogynist, so he projected his issues with women and The Waitress onto Dee. Also, as Charlie mentioned, Dee possibly tried to have sex with him an additional time after “The Gang Misses the Boat” and he didn’t want that to happen again that night. So, overly-stressed and tired Charlie absentmindedly begged Dee not to be a whore numerous times before immediately falling asleep on top of her because even though he has issues with women, he feels comfortable with Dee.

Summary: Charlie and Dee’s relationship in a nutshell.

Question 8: Why did Dennis want to leave the Gang to take care of Brian Jr.?

Answer 8: I get the vibe that this might have been the first time that Dennis actually held Brian Jr. (or he hasn’t held him in a while?). Holding the child made him really understand that he is a living, breathing being he created and not just an obstacle to overcome to get back to his usual life. And then the child knew who he was, which made everything feel even more heavy. This is the first time in Dennis’ life that he’s been responsible for someone other than himself. He knows that if he stays with the Gang, he’ll feel guilty for whatever happens to the child. He’ll feel guilty that the child knew who he was but couldn’t see him. And the fact that the Gang doesn’t comprehend this at all (Mac, for example, excitedly told him “The plan worked!”) pushed him even further away from them and towards his child.

Question 9: Why didn’t the Gang seem to care when Dennis left?

Answer 9: The Gang has a great track record of unusual responses to deaths and departures.

In “Dennis and Dee’s Mom Is Dead,” Dennis reacted to his mother’s death by partying/hazing guys in his mom’s house and Dee and Frank seriously considered grave robbing her. In "The Gang Gets a New Member,” Mac and Dennis had no problem kicking Charlie out of the Gang and replacing him with Schmitty. In "The Gang Beats Boggs,” Mac’s only response to a drunk Dennis spontaneously leaving their plane was to write the number of beers he consumed on his forehead. In "The Gang Misses the Boat,” the Gang “broke up,” yet everyone just spent the episode doing their own thing. In "Frank Retires,” the rest of the Gang started cheering and clapping after Frank declared that he would be retiring from the Gang. I could go on and on, but you get the point.

It’s very likely that the rest of the Gang is still in shock/denial about Dennis leaving and they are expecting him to come back soon like everyone always does.

Since the highlight of the night was firing Dennis’ RPG, they decided to not let Dennis’ departure stop them. (It also doubled as a nice, fiery distraction)

As for blowing up the Range Rover? They think Dennis intentionally left it and it’s the perfect target to take out any frustrations they had/have with Dennis. (This is also one of the reasons Mac, who gave Dennis his cherished RPG, is the one blowing up the Range Rover, one of Dennis’ most prized possessions)

When Dennis comes back, they can excitedly tell him that they blew up the Range Rover and it was awesome.

Question 10: Why did Dennis leave the Range Rover?

Answer 10: Dennis wants to take care of his child, which is a good thing, but he is clearly going through a crisis and is not thinking clearly. He mentally/emotionally disconnected himself from the Gang (notice that he said “The bar’s done” and turned off the lights even though the rest of the Gang is still there and can run the bar) and left everything that reminds him of the Gang behind (which explains why the Range Rover is still there). He did not even think about packing, called a taxi, and headed straight to the airport to fly to Mandy and Brian Jr.’s location. This is one of the reasons the ending feels so “off.” It mirrors Dennis’ mindset.

Question 11: Why did Dennis name his child after Brian Lefevre?

Answer 11: This was probably Mandy’s idea and Dennis went along with it because he couldn’t think of anything else. He also probably wasn’t in the right headspace to complain since he wasn’t ready to have a child.

Ginny Caught the Snitch

I liked the Ginny we saw in the books. We didn’t nearly get enough of her and that may be why some people don’t feel much about her or don’t like her. I think the bits we did see showed us a very strong minded girl. Growing up with all those brothers shaped her. She was not spoiled by them, so she had to find her own way. I think there is a lot of Fred and George in her.

I think the reason we didn’t see as much of Ginny and why she was not involved in most of the crazy things the three were up to, was not because she was younger. But because she would have been too effective, and that would not have worked for the story. I think Ginny is a cross between Hermione and Harry. She’s a match for Harry, but put them together in one of their adventures and things would get solved to fast. Where Hermione holds back, Ginny would not. Where Harry goes off the handle, Ginny would call him out on it.

So she’s not involved much in the main group. She has her own role to play, and we only got to hear about it second hand. Her and Neville being at the heart of the rebellion in Hogwarts. I wish we got to see more of that.

Anyway, I like Ginny.

I have a lot of feels about Hidden Figures. Go watch it for the following reasons.

  • A movie about women of color as mathematicians, and an engineer.
  • All three women are mothers. With multiple children.
  • One of them is a single mom.
  • All three are successful women of color in a time where systemic oppression was the norm.
  • Supportive husbands.
  • Sick burns against systemic racism and sexism.
  • Their names are Katherine Goble Johnson, Dorothy Vaughn, Mary Jackson.

If you can remember a name like Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart then you can remember them.

10/10 would recommend.


Quick Review of the True Crime Books I read in 2016 (Part 2)

(Part 1) (Review of books in 2015)

Invisible Darkness by Stephen Williams: This is one of the most unsettling books I’ve read, and I have a lot of mixed feelings about it. Starting with the good, it’s a very complete and detailed account of the relationship between Paul Bernardo and Karla Homolka and their crimes. It also offers a good insight into the very controversial legal agreement between Karla and the prosecution, that ended with her serving only ten years despite being an active and willing participant in the rape and murder of three girls. The third act of the book, dealing with this, was one of the better things in the novel, although I wish the actual trial had been covered more in depth. As for the bad… I thought the rape scenes were excessively and unnecesarily detailed, and I felt like the author enjoyed writing those disturbing passages a little too much. His narration is also very uneven, especially in the first part; while I liked his subtle sarcasm while describing the legal proceedings and Karla’s life, he also made some strange time jumps that made it a bit confusing to know when things are happening. There are so many private scenes that he couldn’t have possibly witnessed that he must have made them up, which made me question a little the credibility of the whole book. Finally, his obsession with Karla turns her into a fleshed out, complex character, but the opposite happens with Bernardo, who seems almost a caricature with no real insight. I still feel like I don’t know much about him other than he’s a narcissistic, sociopathic idiot. Bottomline: A good introduction to this case, if you have the stomach for it, but you’ll probably need to complement with other books later (Thank you @adeadlyinnocence for recommending me this book).

Conviction by Juan Martinez: Last year I read Picture Perfect, which is the better book to learn about Jodi Arias and Travis Alexander and how their story ended with her murdering him. This book was an interesting complement because I enjoy the details of trials and this one in particular was a very intense and eventful one. Juan Martinez, the man who prosecuted Arias, describes in detail his investigation and strategy to get a conviction, and he certainly doesn’t pretend to be humble when detailing his role in putting her behind bars. There’s no new information or revelations that I hadn’t seen everywhere else. He’s also extremely biased and portrays her as the worst of the worst, he even talks of her “dark soul” at some point. I have to say, I personally didn’t mind that because I can’t stand Jodi Arias, but if you’re looking for a more objective look into her, you should stay away from this.

True Crime Addict by James Renner: I already wrote about how bad this book about the disappearance of Maura Murray is here, but to summarize: don’t waste your time with this narcissistic, self infolved piece of sleazy reporting disguised as “journalism”. The author is insufferable and seems to think we care about his life while offering nothing new to the actual case of Maura.

Bringing Adam Home by Les Standiford: I can only describe this book as “correct” but is not really very engaging nor memorable, despite covering a very famous and horrible case. The kidnapping and murder of Adam Walsh in 1981 and the many years it took to be solved was one that shook the United States and started many changes. I feel like this book doesn’t quite manage to portray those changes, mostly because it decides to look away from Adam’s parents and their struggle and instead it focus on the story of the detective that eventually gave sufficient evidence for police to close the case naming Ottis Toole as the killer. Toole’s story is also described in some chapters but again, it seems to only give a superficial portrayal of him.

Imperfect Justice by Jeff Ashton: This book was written by one of the prosecutors in the Casey Anthony trial, so it’s important to keep in mind we are seeing only one side of the story, and he certainly doesn’t hold back in showing her as the most manipulative and lying person on Earth. That being said, it’s really hard to see how this woman was found not guilty. Ashton explains all the evidence they had in detail and it’s very compelling, and tells about all the things going on behind the scenes. He also can’t hide his contempt for the defense lawyer (he openly admits he dislikes him) and for the jury too, whom he clearly blames for the ultimate decision of the trial. My only issue with this book is that I didn’t see much introspection or real analysis into why they lost the case.

Perfect Murder, Perfect Town by Lawrence Schiller: It’s so hard to find an unbiased analysis of JonBenet Ramsey’s murder, because so many people who’ve written about it have been “part of the investigation”, which makes it a big no no for me because we know that investigation was far from stellar, for many reasons that aren’t just the fault of the police. This book is hardly perfect (see what I did there?) but it’s a decent start to the case, because it details the investigation and the many inside shenanigans, the Ramsey’s version, the complicated dealings with the prosecution’s office and why they refused to charge the Ramsey’s, and also how the press covered the case. It doesn’t really give much perspective on other potential suspects and the title is misleading, since it suggests it will explore more the context of Boulder, the town where the murder happened, but I didn’t see much of that. I’d say this is an okay book to understand why this case went so wrong, but I don’t think it gives one convincing theory about what really happened.

Devil in the Darkness by JT Hunter: Israel Keyes is one of the most chilling and intriguing serial killers in recent times, not to mention there’s still a lot of mystery around him, so it’s a bit surprising he hasn’t been more deeply covered by other authors. This book is a decent attempt at it, and gives a good introduction into what kind of person he was before he started his crimes; not so much after. Because there are a lot of unconfirmed things in his story, including his victims, the book mostly dedicates time to his most infamous murder, the one of Samantha Koenig. The narration jumps back and forth between the time around that crime and Keyes’ past, with a lot of attention put into his relationship with the mother of his daughter, probably because she seemed to be one of the few people involved willing to talk to the author. I found this book a bit hard to follow at times, but I’d still recommend it if you’re interested in true crime.

The Cases that Haunt Us by John Douglas and Mark Olshaker: As you probably know, John Douglas is the guy that pretty much built the department of behavior analysis in the FBI and is one of the pioneers in profiling criminals. He makes sure to tell you that a hundred times in this book, because he can never flatter himself enough, although I get that the talk of his past experiences is important here to validate his opinions. This book covers famous unsolved or solved but controversial cases through America’s history (plus Jack the Ripper because who can resist) and in each one Douglas gives his point of view of the profile of the suspects, and whether or not they fit with the actual murderer. Lizzie Borden, the kidnapping of the Lindberg Baby, the Boston Strangler and the Black Dahlia are among the cases covered. I found his views in the JonBenet’s case particularly interesting because he got to be involved personally in it, and he got a lot of criticisim because he thought the Ramseys were innocent (and I have to say, strictly from a profiling point of view, I agree with his assessment). The book can get exhausting because the writing is very academical and not very fluid, but it’s also a good learning experience if you like investigations.

2017 Fate Anime Projects

So if anybody is like me and is a little overwhelmed with all the new fate announcements, I’m going to try and break it down.

First off, we have Fate/Grand Order:

This actually already came out (12/31/2016) but figured it’s basically the start of the new year. This is a television anime special one off thats 1hr and 14min by Studio Lay-duce. 

The synopsis of this series basically goes: After the disappearance of a future timeline confirms the end of humanity, the organization, Chaldea, orders a “Grand Order” (heh, get it?) to find and destroy what will apparently end the human race as we know it. 

Next we have Fate Stay Night Movie: Heaven’s Feel (Part 1):

This is the first part of a three part series about one of the three routes of Fate Stay Night. (I know, its a lot) If you haven’t seen either Fate Zero for Fate Stay Night: Unlimited Blades Work, PLEASE DO!! The movie will be made by Ufotable but no release date has been announced yet. 

The synopsis for this movie is: Shirou Emiya enters the world of magus after accidentally joining the Holy Grail War. What happens afterwards is just pain and suffering.

After that there is Fate/Extra:

This is going to be an anime series produced by Shaft. No information about release date or how many episodes have been announced yet.

This show also has the Holy Grail War although to my understanding its virtual? Also the big twist is that the main character has no idea what’s going on or how he got there and is thus chucked into war. (Good luck bro)

Another anime series is Fate/Apocrypha:

Again, no news has been announced for this series. The studio will be A-1 Pictures.

This series is parallel to Fate Stay Night, so happening at the same time but different universe. Instead of every man for themselves, this Holy Grail War is between two factions, Yggdmillennia and the Mage’s Association. 

Lastly, there is Fate/kaleid liner Prisma☆Illya Movie:

There is no information whatsoever about this LOL so it might not even be for 2017…

This movie takes place after 4 anime seasons. This is an alternate spin off of Fate Stay Night that has… magical girls??? That’s really all I seemed to get out of it but Illya is alive and happy and that’s really all that matters.

More news to come in the February 2017 issue of Kadokawa’s Monthly Newtype magazine, which has a really cute cover of Saber :3

So on the lines of Sparkpulse discussing headcanons, because I have a lot of them, over a lot of things, I feel tonight like talking about Shockwave. More specifically, about Shockwave’s emotions.

I think he has them. That’s my headcanon. There’s just a lot more to it than that, as is usual with me.

Shockwave was first introduced in Transformers: Prime in a flashback episode, and didn’t make his full, proper appearance until the third season. In that initial flashback he was stoic, static, and just a bit scary. His return in season three was an unexpected boon to the Decepticons. Megatron, especially, was happy to see him… him, and his newest experiment, a massive robotic dragon identified as a Predacon, who would later identify himself as Predaking.

Predaking is really important to some of my ideas, so yeah.

Now, historically, Shockwave is supposed to be a character who runs on logic. In G1 he could be a bit comical, but also in charge of some serious stuff and it was his job to run it all efficiently. In TFA he was more lighthearted, even openly pointing and laughing at Lugnut in one memorable episode, but it’s hard to say how much of that could be attributed to habits picked up masquerading as an Autobot for so long. IDW goes full-stop emotionless with him, making him an intense, driven character with no sense of remorse until it’s too late. This is something that was done to him, by force. It’s very sad and sometimes I think about it way too much. Anyway, this is the range Shockwave’s character usually falls into. TFP Shockwave is much closer to the IDW version than the other two. What little comic relief he provides is unintentional because he’s just so deadpan about everything. It is essentially accepted that he is emotionless with the possible exception of anger, which happens twice.

I don’t think so.

To me, one of the things that is most telling about Shockwave are his antennae… things. They move a lot towards the end of the series, just like in the gif above. The faux-wings on his back do the same thing. They twitch. They flutter. They emote. And I think the expressions they show amount to a lot more than rage. The two occasions where Shockwave becomes visibly angry are when the Wreckers send the Predaking through a groundbridge and out of his sight, and Shockwave goes down and personally kicks their afts for it. The second instance is when Starscream almost destroys all of his research data… he nearly blinds the Seeker for it. Both of these are clearly angry moments, which lends to the idea that Shockwave is unfeeling until something snaps. This idea actually ties in nicely with his IDW Spotlight… he’s unfeeling until he needs to feel rage to survive. But the movement of the antennae above isn’t angry. It’s a bit more startled, a clear reaction to something. He’s daunted. Sometimes, at other times, the movements seem almost inquisitive, like his scientific mind is curious and he perks up like a puppy. They respond to conversations like any other sort of body language.

I think he has no idea that they do this, honestly. I think that if you asked TFP Shockwave, himself, if he was emotionless, he probably thinks he is. He probably has no idea that his antennae and his winglets respond to anything anyone says. That’s where my personal headcanon comes into it. In one scene at the beginning of Season 3 that I remember quite fondly, Shockwave is actually standing next to his big dragon petting him… with the volume up, it sounds like Predaking could actually be purring. This moment, combined with his absolute rage at thinking that the Wreckers had somehow beaten his creation, indicate that he might just feel actual affection for the Predacon. But I don’t think he knows this. I don’t think he’s aware, at all, that he emotes, and that if you told him so, he probably wouldn’t believe you. Because he runs on logic. Emotions aren’t needed, so why would he be bothering with them?

I think if he was ever well and truly flustered somehow, those things would waggle back and forth like crazy, and if you told him they were doing it, he would deny it. Not because it’s embarrassing or anything, but because he honestly believes he has full control over all parts of his frame and he would never waste energy on emoting.

I think that if he became depressed somehow, they would droop. So would the faux-wings on his back. And he would be confused as to why anyone would ask what was wrong, because nothing is wrong, he does not let setbacks distress him.

I think if he got really, really happy they would stick up a bit more than usual and of course he just has no idea that he’s got a lovely mood ring right on top of his head. He really hasn’t got a clue. That is what I believe.

It makes me happy to think this, anyway, and I need happy, because sometimes I remember IDW and that just makes my spark hurt…

ykw it was still bothering me that viktor was so mean about yuuri’s weight in the beginning but now that we can look back with viktor’s side of the narrative it makes a lot more sense. so I wanted to share bc I figure a lot of ppl are still feeling a bit sketchy about it.

of course, a good diet is a huge part of being a serious athlete. it’s pretty common to have a balanced meal plan or at least restraint wrt anything unhealthy (and I mean, katsudon is deep-fried pork) since your livelihood is all about the state of your body.

minako says yuuri gains weight easily and can therefore only eat his favorite food as a treat. she once ‘traveled the world as a dancer’. all three of them are international athletes talking about what is probably a common sacrifice they’ve had to make for the sake of their livelihood. (minako probably limited her alcohol consumption, for example.) but yuuri shamelessly admits to self-sabotage to the man who is supposed to be his new coach.

in reality, yuuri wasn’t even sure he was going to continue skating competitively, but viktor thought yuuri was expecting him. he thought yuuri would be ready to get down to business and take their new arrangement seriously. but he gets there, and yuuri isn’t even in shape. of course viktor would be annoyed, even offended at the gall. he has his pride as an athlete, you know! he takes this very seriously! so we see viktor being pretty harsh.

viktor called yakov the best coach he’s ever had, so he’s probably emulating him to a certain extent, and yakov is a major hardass.

but despite his criticism of the state of yuuri’s body, he’s not supporting this spartan idea of yuuri only being allowed to eat his favorite food as a reward for winning. he just tells yuuri that if he’s going to eat katsudon, he should get back in shape first. which is a totally reasonable expectation for an athlete 1) of yuuri’s caliber 2) who wants the most decorated skater alive to be his coach.

and viktor doesn’t threaten to leave if yuuri doesn’t get in shape, he just says he won’t be yuuri’s coach until yuuri is ready to actually be coached. because even if he’s angry at yuuri as a potential coach…

…he’s certainly still interested in yuuri as a potential partner. viktor’s criticisms of yuuri as an athlete have nothing to do with yuuri as a person. he’s just toggling his behavior between Coach Mode and Boyfriend Material Mode (while under the impression yuuri would understand the divide). Coach Mode is trying to be as harsh as yakov, but Boyfriend Mode could not possibly care less. viktor already thinks yuuri is perfectly alluring and attractive, and wants to spend time with him, learn about him, and be intimate with him, regardless of whether he’s fit or chubby.

I thought Tiger Philanthropist was an okay episode, but...

Let’s talk about the placement.

Clearly, it wasn’t meant to air that far into Season 4.

Remember that huge list of titles from Seasons 2-4 that show everything from mid-Season 2 all the way to Last One Out of Beach City? And then this?

It was meant to air after Gem Harvest, which actually makes a LOT MORE SENSE than what they did with the episode. It was shortly after Jasper was poofed and the Smoky Quartz arc ended. I have absolutely no idea why they decided to postpone the episode until after StevenBomb 5. And even worse, they didn’t air Tiger Philanthropist until after THREE MORE EPISODES.

No wonder the whole “Amethyst feeling better about herself” thing felt so weird to bring up at this point in the show. The impact that this episode could have originally had just isn’t there anymore.

I take almost personal offense to TV Tropes listing Mabel Pines as Giftedly Bad. She is 12 years old, the age when most kids are making sparkle dog OCs on Deviantart!  And if you consider her age plus how much effort she puts into her work, she’s got a lot of potential!

Take the infamous Sock Opera puppet show for instance. Yes, it’s hammy and basically about her self-insert Mary Sue character falling in love with and marrying Gabe, but she had, at best, three days to put the whole thing together, including stage props, sets, script, special effects, and music, and was working up till the last minute. That’s way more than I’ve ever pulled off at her age!

I feel like writing her off as ‘not having talent but tries hard anyway’ is doing her character a huge disservice. This girl has so much potential and a lot of confidence in her work.

Aether Family Headcanons (post game)

I have a lot of feelings and thoughts about these three gosh. There will def. be spoilers btw so heads up

-okay so Lillie’s Kanto starter is definitely bulbasaur and it’s female sorry I don’t make the rules

-Gladion decides to complete the trials to get stronger because hey it worked for the m/c

-Gladion like pseudo takes over the Aether Foundation bc Lusamine is physically unable to run it and also bc no one trusts her anymore. Wicke actually does most of the work tho

-Lusamine is like vaguely trying to be a better mother? Like, between being unconscious most of the time and the like 5-10 minutes each day she’s interacting with Lillie in a not completely unintelligible manner she’s not dropping rude comments or being a pain in general.

-Lillie definitely got Lusamine’s hair cut when she was out cold bc she had way too much of it for a person who’s stuck in bed all the time to keep in an orderly manner. Also Lillie braids her hair randomly and stuff like that while she’s asleep because she can’t escape.

-Gladion and Lusamine only ever get to neutral terms with each other. He’s older than Lillie, so he was much more aware of the crap she pulled and is just way too unwilling to get close to her again. Lillie and Lusamine are like the next step up from neutral, but nowhere near that mother-daughter bond that Lusamine forcibly wrecked by being the worst.

-Gladion calls Lillie twice a week while she’s in Kanto to see her progress and make sure Lusamine’s not being a jerk again.

-Gladion’s the only one out of the three of them that knows about Mohn and his freaking bean fields. He doesn’t plan on telling Lusamine or Lillie about him.

-Lillie’s ‘gentle scolding’ of Lusamine is a combination of straight up telling her why her abuse was bad and her whispering in Lusamine’s ear random snippets of the same theme while she’s asleep.