i have a lot of black widow feelings

What bothers me most about Age of Ultron: 

1. The way Joss wrote/directed Black Widow in Age of Ultron, first and foremost, for reasons everyone knows (”I’m an infertile ~monster who doesn’t have babies HOW CAN I WOMAN??”)

and *deep breath* 

2. The way he wrote/directed Steve. Joss can’t write Steve, not really. The more I rewatch these movies, the more it stands out. Goddamn. It’s like he completely ignores Steve’s development in the other films. Steve swears in CA:TFA. Nothing severe, but he does. Even in front of Peggy! Twice! He’s a fucking soldier in the US army. But then we get Cap reprimanding Tony for “Language!”. Which was a funny line, sure. But a laugh isn’t worth it when there are 1,000 other funny in-character ways to show Cap/Tony clashing over cultural things. A million. 

That flashback. That party. All of the Howlies should’ve been there. The moment with Peggy was beautiful, but Steve lost e v e r y o n e. Not to mention the fact that Steve just spent his last movie discovering his best friend in the entire world has been a tortured POW all this time…Bucky should’ve been there in that flashback dancing up a storm with some pretty girl in all his 40s glory. Can you imagine how much more powerful that brief scene would’ve been if they’d ALL been celebrating the end of the war together and then just POOOF, gone.

I’m not a Monster Part 6

A/N: I’m sorry this took so long. I got sick and just didn’t feel like writing. I have a lot planned in the future. This chapter is on the shorter side but its more of a filler to what i have planned. I asked if you wanted this to be purely platonic and i got a few answers but i want to know what everyone thinks. Let me know. As always feedback is appreciated and i hope you all like it.

Tag list(Let me know if you want to be added or removed):

@iwillbeinmynest@jaderz-mega-yikes@thosefuckingxmen@zxcorra@obsessedwithatwell@evependragon@thisisthelilith​  @canumoveyourseatup-no​ @grantsgorgeousgirl @shamvictoria11@ryverpenrad@jesslovesfandom@shiejinx@roseeternity@4theluvofall@strange-polish-lass@angel34jolly-blog@wonderless-screwup​ @blue1828 @beccaanne814-blog @kaaatniss

Warnings: None

Word count: 736

Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four

Wanda had been kind enough to let you be with your thoughts for a bit. None of this made sense. DNA? Were you a mutant? That could explain a few things, but it still didn’t make any sense. Shaking your head you knew there was only one person who you could ask.


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Listen, Natasha went back to Russia to look for her parents. After she lost trust in SHIELD and gave up all her secrets, she freaking went back to her roots to try and find her family.

And she found two graves.

Now imagine this Natasha, who is fresh from a morbid grief of having visited her lost childhood, her dead parents and lost family. Imagine her coming back and seeing that the second family she had, the one she had created for herself was on the verge of breaking too. Imagine this Natasha, who once believed that love was for children but then was ready to risk everything for her friends, imagine her seeing her family ready to split up. Imagine her scrambling at edges, at last ends, at anything to keep them all together because this is her only shot. This is the only family she has left. Imagine her being vulnerable and baring her soul to Steve and freaking pleading him to not punch his way through because she is well-versed with the politics. She knows what will happen. Imagine her trying and trying again, every time asking her family to stay together. To not punch out. Natalia Aliana Romanova, the Black Widow, the woman who is known to be ruthless - imagine her being reduced to being desperate to save her family at any cost. Even that of risking her own safety and life. 

Now imagine her seeing that everything she did, everything she put at stake was in vain because she had overlooked her friend’s dead parents. Her family is gone. 

Imagine her realizing that love really is for children, because that is how her family behaved and she has lost them all.

Imagine Natasha being alone again.

Okay but real talk the most important scene in the whole movie was when Clint and Natasha are fighting and Nat stops for just a moment and looks a little concerned “are we still friends??” and Clint laughs and replies “depends on how hard you hit me” 

AND LIKE WOWIE THAT IS SO IMPORTANT TO ME. These two have been through so much together. Missions, the rise and fall of SHIELD, bringing a team together, meeting each other’s families (well we’ve only met Clint’s, but you know what I mean.) 

And for a brief moment Nat stops fighting. She is a trained assassin, and to her this is just another assignment, and the signing of the accords is a way to gain trust and get out of the spotlight. She goes where she is told and gets the job done. But she stops fighting, putting down her mission because she is concerned that she is going to lose her best friend. 

AND MOTHER FUCKING CLINT JUST GIGGLES IN HER FACE “lol no you shithead our relationship is just fine” AND THEY GO BACK TO FIGHTING. Clint isn’t afraid of losing her at all. Honestly, he probably thinks they were fighting to put on a show. He was ready to kick ass but then he and Natasha start fighting and he is like “lol whatever” and puts his arrows away and fights her hand-to-hand, something she is way more skilled at than he is. But he isn’t worried. He knows everything between them is going to be okay. 


For the Nerds who like fitness:

I’ve been doing a fun thing lately, it’s a blast and I feel good. 

There’s this website, darebee.com, and they post a lot of cool equipment free workouts, and they have some superhero themed ones which I think is awesome! I read a lot of comic books and watch comic book shows and stuff a lot, so in addition to my regular (I like swimming! Front crawls for those superhero delts, yo) I do a set or two of this Supergirl themed workout for everyepisode of a DC show  I watch -

A set of this rad Batgirl one for every DC comic I read -

A set of this Black Widow one for every episode of a Marvel show I watch and every few Marvel comics I read -

They’ve got one for Vikings, Battlestar Galactica, Legend of Korra, Xena, Mass Effect, and a bunch of other stuff. They have ones for the guys, too. Highly Recommend.

Five Minutes [part iii]

i’m not sure how many more parts there will be but a lot more, i hope. enjoyyy;) also, i have no idea why i named this series ‘five minutes’. it just occurred to me that i have no clue why. also: i will traveling to korea next week, and i got a lotta time to kill so feel free to send me requests! it would be preferred if you gave me a plot or something to work with, but if you don’t it’s fine. anyway, let’s get to itt

Pairing: Peter Parker x reader

Word Count: idk i didn’t count it today. it aint long though

Warnings: cacw spoilers, but nothing major

A/N: unedited (technical probs)

“Five Minutes”

part i

part ii

part iv

You landed with a soft thump. Looking around, you could see that the crowd was surprised to see another girl with similar powers as Wanda Maximoff. Suddenly, you felt very suffocated, your breathing becoming shallow and quick. You wanted to run, not run away, but you wanted movement.

“Nice jobs, guys.” Tony gave Peter a tight smile.

“ Thanks. Well, I could’ve stuck the landing a little better. It’s… just the new suit…Well, it’s nothing, Mr. Stark. It’s-It’s perfect, thank you,” Peter stammered, making you sigh with exasperation. Sometimes he just didn’t know when to shut up.

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I feel like Hawkeye is the secret prizefighter in the Avengers, because we all forget that he recruited Black Widow when he was sent to kill her; he’s not dead so he obviously won that fight and offered her amnesty. (At least in the MCU.)

SHIELD decided to send Barton after Russia’s deadliest spy. Why did they send him? They could have sent Fury. They could have sent literally anyone. But they sent Clint. Because he’s a lot tougher and better at his job than anyone thinks he is. He also did this all while deaf.

In order to make the choice to offer her life, he wasn’t sniping her long distance with an arrow; he bested her at hand to hand combat, avoided being killed or her slipping away.

Exactly what do we know about this man?

Clint Barton is a badass.

SO before I dive into my last college essay every I have some very important feelings about CACW 


-Bucky Barnes needs to be protected at ALL costs. He is such a great character and he has come so far since CAWS. Like example, in CAWS he barely registers Steve, yet in the movie he seems to remember so much, he is trying! He is trying to remember himself and his life, when tbh it would probably be easier just to submit to his pain. So yeah team bucky barnes all goddamn day. 

-Steve…. I am so torn, I am so here for you protecting your best friend. SO FUCKING HERE FOR IT. (#stucky4life) However I am not here for you thinking you are above everyone…. Yeah this accords things is unfortunate and tbh not really a good idea (yet) but lets be real, you do need some boundaries. 


-Chadwick Boseman deserves all the awards and basically they should extend his contract to infinite movies because he crush it so hard that I forgot this was a Captain America movie and not a Black Panther movie. (ALSO: Lupita and MBJ cast in the solo film? THIS MOVIE IS ALREADY PERFECT AND THEY HAVEN’T EVEN FILM IT YET)

-Tony broke my heart in this movie. He has literally lost everything; his family, Pepper, the avengers, the trust of his community, and not to mention he almost lost Rhodey. I think his entire arch in the film was pretty justified, the accords are his way of trying to put himself/the avengers in check for everything that has happened, his fight with Steve and Bucky at the end was so heartbreaking, especially since he went there to bring peace. His arch in this entire film is just him trying to bring peace (in a weird Tony Stark kinda way) and people keep fucking it up for him. ALSO Steve wtf you should have told him. 

-TOM HOLLAND. (thats all) (jk its not) (i have a lot of feelings) He is Spiderman. I was completely convinced the minute he walked on screen. Don’t get me wrong Andrew Garfield is absolutely bae and I personally think he was amazing, but this younger Spiderman is amazing, his spunk, his willingness to to be a hero and tbh he is just adorable af. (#cinnamonrollstatus) Not to mention he totally stole the show from RDJ and thats hard to do. Also I can’t wait for his solo film, its gonna be so good. Also Zendaya is it so thats just a win for the world because she is a perfect goddess. 


-Paul Rudd deserves better. (thats all)

-Falcon and Winter Soldier are such a brotp. I just want a side movie with them bickering for 2 hours. 

-Natasha/Black Widow, needs a consistent story line, and the Russo brother gave her that in this film. She has always been sympathetic towards Steve and Bucky, so when she was team Iron Man i honestly got scared they would take that away but they didn’t and I’m so thankful. Shes just such a good character and I need her to have a solo film. Also bring back Banner so they can ride off into the sunset together and live a happy life; cause I totally ship them. 

-Wanda you poor girl, you’ve lost so much, and deserve a good life. 

-Tbh Vision you are cool but I’m still not feeling you just yet. 

-The Kiss. Idk it was okay, didn’t hate it, didn’t love it. I’m very indifferent. I think Steve deserves to move on and Sharon is nice and clearly on his side so why not. They also didn’t over do it so I’m not against it, but also don’t really care about it. 

-I need more Hawkeye, cause Jeremy Renner fucking kills it. He is so sassy and badass, not to mention he does such a good job of bringing out the different emotions in Clint. ( sorry but i’m one of those people who loved his backstory in AOU)

Basically thats all. If I have anymore feelings, which i’m sure I will, I will be back to add to this. Feel free to give me your opinions and help me procrastinate on this essay some more. 

oh one more thing,


okay so yesterday I made a post after age of ultron joking about my disdain for wanda’s final costume where her boobs were showing. someone immediately reblogged this defending the boobs by stating that every male avenger was shirtless in the movie so there should have been lots of boobs.

i wasn’t planning on making a post about this but i’ve noticed a pattern in the mcu fandom (especially with male fans) over their need to justify boobs and exploitive female poses/costumes rather than constructively criticising it like i feel more fans should be doing.

first there are two flaws in this argument: 1) not every male was shirtless in the new avengers movie. from what i can recall it was only banner, thor and quicksilver (for half a second) who were shirtless and 2) literally all the males had practical outfits with very little skin showing. i felt like scarlet witch’s first outfit was better than the second. when you’re in a battle, surely it’s better to show as little skin as possible therefore there are less weak spots an opponent can exploit? black widow’s costume being zipped down literally made no sense outside of wanting to placate the fanbase. and i say fanbase because as a bisexual woman, i did rather enjoy some of the fight scenes in the skintight catsuit. what i am against, however, was that most of the shots of natasha in said catsuit were from behind, or more specifically, showing behind.

listen…pals…i ain’t got nothing against boobs and butts…what i am against is males having practical and usually fully covering costumes whereas females get stuck with catsuits and constant cleavage.

In regards to Supergirl...

So I’ve been seeing a lot of negativity surrounding the recently released Supergirl trailer, and the worst part is, a lot of the negativity I’ve seen is coming from women who are upset that Supergirl is too “girly” and not as badass as Black Widow. It’s a shame that ANYONE is having this feeling to one of the first female-led Superhero TV shows (especially because it really does look fantastic - did you SEE her fly?!) so I just want to remind the world of one thing:

So please, watch and enjoy Supergirl! With your support, it WILL lead to more female-led films and TV shows.


Loki just plain told him he wanted the sword for himself, Nat. Brian is just being a smartypants here. I think he’s gonna be like that a lot actually.

Milady and Redemption

I’m kind of bemused by people who think Milady could never have a redemption arc. Not so much the people who just prefer her as a villain, but the people who feel it just “wouldn’t work,” that she’s too morally compromised for it to matter.

Do these people feel the same way about characters like Black Widow in “Avengers” who presumably killed a LOT of people to get that red in her ledger? About characters like Xena, who straight up massacred people, often for fun, and became truly evil for a time before wanting to change? Do they think the same of Jaime, on GOT, or Stringer Bell (or a host of other characters, really, on HBO shows?)

I’m genuinely curious. I think a lot of it comes from her murder of a presumably innocent, uninvolved woman for a dress this season. But does that woman’s life intrinsically have more worth than a man she may have been ordered to kill by the Cardinal? Are all the men the Musketeers kill in service of the King evil?

I’m not trying to be hostile, I’m actually interested in people’s thoughts. Maybe it’s the books I’ve been reading (about real world people who are morally compromised yet still human) as well as the kinds of characters I tend to love (morally compromised ones like Nikita, Xena, Spike, Morgaine, Sethe, Cole, James Cole, and Callisto, who have done terrible things because some bad choices by others impelled them down the path, and others like Berkhoff — who starts out selfish and gains a conscience — and Omar, who has a code but still does bad things as well) but I’m really thinking hard about what it takes for someone to be redeemed.

Personally, I would LOVE a redemption arc for Milady, if done well. Because her circumstances, while fictional, are possible — someone who began in a world of crime, with no real choice but to engage in it, who found a way out, lost it, and turned to crime and darkness as a way of survival. For her to try to change would be a VERY interesting arc, and could actually draw on the struggles of people IRL, if the writers so chose.

I also think that might mesh well with Mamie’s comments that she doesn’t want Milady called just a “bad girl” who people enjoy solely for her evil. (Because, think about that characterization. WHY are female villains so beloved? Often, it’s because they get to do things women are denied — be sexual, be strong, be bold, have anger — and in the world of “The Musketeers” especially, I think it would be cool to see that explored).

Also, Milady was nothing more than a soulless seductress in the original novels, and while other adaptations have shown her as human, they all also have her as ultimately unredeemable (and killed). If the show wanted to do something bold and different for her? They could change that. And I would love to see it. 

Why do I have the feeling that the cast of Ant-Man will receive a lot of fucking questions about why this movie exist and not the Black Widow one

I mean don’t get me wrong - I would really-really prefer a Black Widow movie

But come on, can we just…. you know…. not harass the cast of Ant-Man about it?

It’s not like the cast is the one who decides which movie gets made and which doesn’t.

If you are not interested in Ant-Man then don’t ask them questions, ok? Don’t be dicks to the cast.

I love Agent Carter. The show has flaws, of course, but a lot of it is so good. Peggy Carter is allowed to be a woman. As much as I love Black Widow, she comes across as “not like other girls; just one of the guys” sometimes, but Peggy doesn’t do that. Peggy’s whole point is “look, I am a girl, I am like other girls, and that doesn’t stop me from doing my job. In fact, sometimes it lets me do things better than a man could.” She’s allowed to be a person. She’s allowed to have faults. She’s stubborn sometimes to a fault. She’s allowed to feel, and feel deeply. Sometimes her emotions do get in the way of her work, but more often her work gets in the way of her emotions and that’s so real. The show lets her mourn, lets her grieve, lets her laugh, lets her kick butt, lets her screw up, and lets her win. All without compromising who she is: a woman. 

Hello. I am what your species calls a black widow spider. I’m young, so my body is less slick-black than my elders’ bodies. I’ve heard they remind you of black latex cat suits. You’ll see; I will grow blacker each time I molt. Then I’ll be a classic black widow. It took a lot of effort for me to survive my nursery because my hundreds of siblings and I, well, we cannibalize. Yes, I do have a crimson hourglass on my belly, but I don’t feel like showing you right now.

I know I’m beautiful; I don’t need you to tell me. As flattering to my ego as it may be, it’s ridiculous of you to scream when you see me. While my bite is possibly 15 times as poisonous as a rattlesnake’s bite and can cause death in humans (mostly small children, the elderly, and the infirm), I am much more likely to hide or to try to get away from you than to bite you. That’s right. Arachnologists call me non-aggressive because I will only bite you if you do something stupid, like sit on me. As you’ve heard, the one with the most reason to fear me is my male mate because I may decide to make a meal of him after I’ve gotten what I need from him (i.e. sperm). What? I’m a carnivore. I can live up to three years. My male counterparts live only one to two months. You know, on account of my appetite.

All that said, I’m not a very large spider, only 9.5 to 25 mm (3/8 to 1 inch). I do look large in the photo, but that’s because the photographer had her camera all up in my face while I politely waited for her to go away. She is a strange one. People usually run away from me.  Anyway, because I’m shy and small, you may accidentally sit on me if you are, say, out in the woods sitting on logs and such. In that case, you should be afraid of me because I will bite you and it won’t be good for you or me. In fact, I prefer you to be afraid of me so you’ll leave me alone and so you will avoid sitting on me. Please be on the lookout.


Latrodectus mactans

Lazarus Syndrome

Everyone always thought I had a fascination with spiders. I kept lots of them, one of every size. Tarantulas, black widows, wolf spiders, brown recluses, banana spiders and even a huntsman spider.

Truth is I was terrified of them. The way they crawled, slow and calculated. The way they stare at you with all those eyes like they are deeper in thought than a meditating monk. The eight legs…just looking at them makes me feel like I have 100 of them crawling over every inch of my skin. And those fangs, ready at any moment to try and pierce your skin and suck your soul through the wounds.

I used them as a tool to try and get over my fear, but it never worked so I kept trying, just acquiring more and more. I let everyone believe I liked them…It was easier to explain than the fact that I used them as a way to face my fears, and overcome them. I would beat these spiders in this mental game.

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