i have a lot emotions

Talking with writers online

Their stories: Amazing grammar, soaring vocabulary, beautiful imagery and prose which flows like a river.

In chats: no capitalisation or punctuation, swears like a sailor, misspellings everywhere, acronyms and abbreviations every five words, idek

Storm In The Room certainly was an emotional roller coaster, but not in the way most of us were expecting. You have to know whenever you see one of the rooms of the temple appear, we’re going to be in for emotional whiplash.

Doubly so for Rose Quart’s room.

The one thing we have a tendency to forget is that the room seems to have one purpose: to show whoever possesses the Rose Quartz gem (aka Steven at this point) whatever it thinks they want. 

The room can only work with the information Steven already knows. Steven knows this. He says it several times. But given the circumstances, it’s easy to become overwhelmed and forget that. And the room? Just keeps on doing what it was designed to do. Steven wants to meet his mom?

Steven gets to meet his mom. 

Steven wants to play games with his mom? Steven gets to play games with his mom.

Steven needs reassurance? He’s told he’s wonderful the way he is and that his mother has been with him the whole time.

And it’s beautiful.

But it’s empty. 

Rose’s room holds no answers for him. It can’t tell him anything he doesn’t already know. The sudden reminder that his mother isn’t actually there is jarring. 

And the room, struggling to keep up with the sudden shift in Steven’s thoughts makes Rose dark, threatening and distant. She doesn’t answer any of Steven questions about Bismuth, Pink Diamond, the rebellion or her plans because the room simply doesn’t have the information to do so with.

Maybe they didn’t matter to you as much as hiding from the mess you made. And that’s why I’m here, isn’t it? Did you make me just so you wouldn’t have to deal with all your mistakes?

Steven is smart. Steven is perceptive. He was born into a situation that no one, let alone a child, should have to deal with. He’s strong, he’s capable, but in so many ways he has no one who truly understands what he’s going through. He’s human and gem, and while this gives him the strengths of both, it also makes him totally unique and new. He has an amazing support system, people who would do anything in this universe to help him. But in some ways he will always be alone. 

He’s never met Rose Quartz, the one individual that was the catalyst for the rebellion and its aftermath. Steven is going from the bedtime story/ fairy tale Rose Quartz presented to him from Greg and the gems to the reality behind the legend- something decisively less fairy tale like. That’s something that happens to a lot of us growing up, but in Steven’s situation it’s so much worse.

He never knew the Rose Quartz everyone idolized, but grew up knowing that everyone expected him to be just like her.  But as he learns more about her, he finds that there was so much more to her. She wasn’t necessarily the kind, generous, wise, strategic genius warrior she was painted as. She lied. She didn’t think things through. She made mistakes. She ran from those mistakes.

Everyone around him expects him to grow up to be just like Rose, and he’s not even sure he likes her. Turning into her is both his dream and his worst nightmare. 

We don’t know all the reasoning behind why Rose decided to become/create Steven. I have no doubt that it was definitely a strategic move on her part. She knew that Steven would be capable of doing things she never could, that in whatever was coming from Homeworld, she herself would not be able to do what was needed to save both Earth and whatever gems would come their way.

But I also have no doubt that it was a labor of love, that she absolutely would want Steven to exist without having to deal with her problems, IF that was possible. Steven had watched the tape his mom made for him, so the room? It knew what Steven needed to be reminded of.

I get it. I know you didn’t want me to deal with your problems. But you’re a part of me now. I have to deal with what you left behind. 

Whether Steven’s creation was a strategic move on Rose’s part or not is a moot point. He’s here and he has to handle the problems she left in her wake. He’s growing up and he needs answers. And as he’s coming to find, those answers aren’t necessarily easy to deal with. 

But, when it comes down it, Steven isn’t alone. Maybe his support system isn’t perfect, but it doesn’t have to be. They love him, they love each other, and they’ll get through this together.

Sometimes what’s let behind isn’t so bad after all. 

okay so this post is wrong but what the heck it’s a Tumblr post, right, it’s mostly a joke, only it’s so perfectly echoing an idea I’ve seen elsewhere too, from actual paid critics and academic critiques, that Hugo “wasn’t writing for emotional teenagers”, that he’d be horrified by fandom, that he was too High and Erudite for the likes of  screaming theater kids and emotional teenagers

y’all. Y’all. 

Victor Hugo knew what fandom was.  And he absolutely LOVED it. 

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heather fuckin chandler

lemme tell u something about heather chandler

heather was rude and bitchy and a total bully with inexcusable actions but tbh????? she deserves so much more than life gave her

heather chandler had one real friend

veronica hated her and heather duke hated her

heather mcnamara however is the only one that even remotely liked her as far as we can tell

she called heather chandler her best friend, and after giving martha that note, she went back over to the heathers and actually hugged onto heather chandler’s arm (which was insanely cute btw i love it)

everyone else in the school thought she was hot but none of them liked her

and the sad part about it??? i’m pretty sure heather at least somewhat cared for her friends

she had pictures of her and veronica in a photobooth in her locker along with other pictures of her and her friends

i mean, she really did like veronica too

she brought veronica to a college party instead of her other friends, she gets pissed off when veronica talks to other people (ESPECIALLY jd oh god she gets so mad), and according to veronica, heather calls her late at night just to babble and talk about literally whatever

she confides in veronica, she likes her, and chansaw is rEAL just very one sided and repressed

and do u think i’m done bc i’m NOT

tw mentions of rape and sexual abuse below

i noticed something v upsetting while watching the movie about heather at the party

there was a short scene of heather making out with one of the college guys at the party but she pulls away and says she just wants to get back to the party, which he responds with that they will, but she just looks so hot tonight and he can’t help himself

and here’s where it hit me in the feels HARD

heather’s expression after he says those words

she seems uncomfortable, a bit nervous, and it becomes clear that she doesn’t want to

and the fact that it’s not something she wants to do really stands out when the college guy’s hand moves to her upper back and he actually has to move her downwards

shortly afterwards, there’s a very short clip where she stares at herself in the mirror, drinking a glass of water, and then she suddenly spits out all the water over her reflection with this look of disgust, looking at herself the entire time

now i think this scene is overlooked for a specific reason, and that reason is the other girls in the movie

when ram is kissing heather mcnamara, she is very clearly struggling and pushing at him and fighting

when jd kisses veronica when she tries to leave him, she fights him and pushes and escapes

but heather chandler doesn’t fight

she doesn’t say a word, she doesn’t try to leave, she doesn’t fight him at all

here’s the thing about that

heather chandler is a very sensible person who can tell when something isn’t right

we see this when she claims jd should be put in prison for bringing a gun to school because he’s clearly dangerous, while her friends don’t think it’s a big deal

when jd hands her the cup, she immediately assumes that because of what happened last night, veronica did something to the cup to prank her and at first refuses to drink it

she’s smart, she’s clever, and she knows what’s going on

and because she knows these things, i think she’d also know that there are some men who don’t take kindly to a girl saying no

think carefully

they were alone in a room, and if she happened to refuse and he got violent and hurt her, nobody would see or hear it happen

she knows this and knows that for her own safety, it’s better to go along with it, get it over with, and go back to the party

this is all entirely speculation and i’m just going off of little details here but quite honestly, it makes sense to me 

tldr: she was a bitch, but heather chandler honestly needs a protection squad and deserved so much better and i just have a lot of emotions about her

sometimes i just think about how alone isak was in s1 and s2? he broke up two of his best friends because he couldn’t confront his own feelings - or had confronted them and was too scared of what he found. his best friend, his main source of support, was the very person he couldn’t get support from. and that must’ve been horrible for a teenage boy trying to figure himself out. but in s3 skam gifted us with isak expanding his friend group, and i’m s o proud: 

  • mahdi didn’t really have a role other than fun weed bro at the beginning of s3, but he was immediately supportive of isak’s coming out! he even brought up pansexuality, which helped diffuse the tension and educate them all. here was isak with his “maybe i’m a little gay” and mahdi jumps in with yeah there are more sexualities and that’s cool and it just?? reminds everyone that heterosexuality doesn’t have to be the default. 
  • magnus started out as kind of annoying and tone-deaf (tbh i def see him as the vilde of the boys), but then he encourages isak to reach out to even, in the best way possible, without lecturing him or making it into a Lesson. after a weekend of research into bipolar disorder, he needed someone with actual experience with it to put it into simple terms, to remind isak that what he said to even in the kitchen was right. only even can feel what he feels, and isak should actually talk to him instead of believing his ex because…WOW….wow
  • and JONAS. that coming out scene almost made me cry, because sure, isak has moved on, but he’s always looked up to jonas, they’ve been best friends for so long. if he didn’t get jonas’s support, he’d be crushed. at this point, i’m sure jonas starts to have his suspicions about isak’s old crush on him, but you know what?? he doesn’t do shit about it. because it’s over, it’s done, and sometimes being Bros means one bro might like-like another bro. and that’s okay! traditional standards of masculinity are a prison anyway.
  • and the Boys are so supportive of even. there’s no awkwardness of like “haha how do we interact with our friend’s boyfriend is he our bro too” nah it’s chill. i’ll never forget when even gives magnus love advice and the guys are like “….you know i never thought of that but you may be right.” and it works!! give me more of even coaching magnus through his relationship with vilde. jonas and mahdi need way less help than magnus, but sometimes they probably text even too like how did you get up the courage to talk to someone you really like but has never noticed you before.
  • the answer is that you lowkey follow them around everywhere and steal away their basic right to dry their hands after using the restroom which maybe isn’t the most helpful advice but it sure worked.

basically this friend group is pure as heck and i’m so blessed that this show doesn’t need to fuel unnecessary drama. i’m glad that we’re allowed to like these characters, no matter how flawed they are. 

Louis tweeting Harry happy birthday is fucking EMOTIONAL okay??? Those two had an undeniably close bond in the early days of the band, and over the years it’s stretched and withered and hidden itself and morphed and been tried by people putting something on it other than what it was. 

But they have grown. And gotten older. And changed. And Louis has had a son. And they have both lost people they loved. And they may not be those same boys who moved into the most garish flat in all of London together. But their hearts are the same. And the love and friendship forged in the fires of what they went through has brought them out on the other side to where they can be there for each other. To mourn and to celebrate. Publicly. 

And that’s some beautiful shit right there. 

  • What she says: I'm fine
  • What she means: I'm in love with Scorpius Malfoy. I would lay my life down for Scorpius Malfoy. Scorpius Malfoy is the sweetest human being to ever live. Scorpius Malfoy spent his whole life being polite and optimistic to fight prejudice and tragedy. He suffered the cruciatus curse and was ready to die for what's right. He deserves so much. He deserves to get everything he ever wanted. He deserves to be in love with Albus Potter and for Albus Potter to be in love with him. But J K Rowling hasn't given us this. Fuck that bit about Rose. I'm in so much pain.

Anon: can you do an analysis on 2013-2014 ji/kook please? thank you!

Anon: Do you think there’s a relation between Jungkook’s change of behavior towards Jimin from when he was underage to when he finally turned 20??? I feel like after finally not being underage anymore, that’s when he really changed and got bolder, shy-less and stuff.. He wasn’t like this, and now he’s.. Well, basically killing us with everything he does.    

Anon: Do you think that Jimin’s fainting incident was a turning point for kook/min? I always thought that JK seemed to be a lot sweeter and softer with Jimin after that, but i could just be imagining things so I wanted a second opinion :) love you!!                    

Anon: you are my favourite kook/min blog!! kekekeke i was wondering what you think of tsundere!kook thinking that taking off his jacket for yoonji is cool when he did the same thing for jimin during their WoH shoot :))) 

That’s right: I’m going to answer all these questions and comments in one long essay. I’m not kidding. This is like.. really long. It’s Jungkook-centric and head canon-heavy. Bring your tinfoil hats.

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so you know how in s2 lance feels like he has nothing special about him and basically feels like the 5th wheel? and how jeremy mentioned lance’s leadership skills and him learning more about what he’s capable of? and also how keith is pretty scared of just the thought of him replacing shiro as the leader ([defensive voice] “why are we even talking about this?”) or more like scared of something happening to shiro, which, well, happened?

so what if in s3 keith kinda loses his shit over shiro’s disappearance, both because of how much they bonded in s2 and how he’s not actually ready to lead the other paladins (because lets be real he knows lance is right about him being a hothead) and he just…. panics and shuts down?

SO this is where lance has a chance to show his leadership skills AND bond with keith! think about it, keith having minor (or major?) panic attacks and lance keeps trying to calm him down and support him, but since keith is kinda out of it, lance just takes things into his own hands and starts shouting commands during a fight, because he knows keith would have it easier focusing on just doing instead of trying to get a grip on the situation and everyone else (”he’s probably gonna shoot first and ask questions later”, remember?)

ya feel????

German terms that don’t have a real equivalent in English, or just sound cute and funny

Obviously German has a shit-ton of words and expressions that English doesn’t because of its affinity for compounding. So I collected my faves!

das Luftschloss lit. sky castle an unrealistic dream

die Eselsbrücke lit. donkey bridge a mnemonic device

der Erbsenzähler lit. pea counter a control freak, someone who needs to count peas

der Pantoffelheld lit. slipper hero someone who is “whipped” or can’t stand up to their significant other

der Kummerspeck lit. worry bacon the weight you put on when you overeat due to worry or stress

der Treppenwitz lit. stairs joke the clever joke you only think of after you’ve left the relevant situation and have already started down the stairs

der Dreikäsehoch lit. three cheese high someone who is very short, i.e. as tall as three cheeses stacked on top of one another

der/das Kuddelmuddel lit. mishmash? chaos or mess

der Weltschmerz lit. world pain the feeling that comes from living in a world that isn’t perfect

verschlimmbessern lit. to make worse better to make something worse while trying to make it better

das Arschgeweih lit. ass antlers tramp stamp

die Arschgeige lit. ass violin someone who can’t do anything right

die Waldeinsamkeit lit. forest isolation the feeling you get when you are alone in the woods, truly communing with nature

things girls can wear that will make them look like goddess

     ♥ bikini top and shorts: gorgeous. a free summer fairy. probably has wet hair too. amazing.

     ♥ sweater with long sleeves: a cuddly bean. beautiful. +1000000 points if she has other cozy clothes. wonderful. she emits warmth and love. 

     ♥ a just a tshirt and underwear: wonderful!!!!! if these are her pj’s and she has just woken up it’s even better. 

     ♥ things with low backs: yes. gorgeous. bonus points if it’s a gown????? a goddess. 

     ♥ jeans. everyone looks good in jeans. you and you and you and you. every girl. they are all beautiful. 

     ♥ flowers or jewelry in her hair???? PERFECT. 

     ♥ anything. girls can wear anything and can and will look amazing. girls are really great. they are all beautiful. 

and it was a few months ago when i was listening to the head and the heart and downing a bottle of vodka i got hit with the weirdest wave of something – it was something like a dream if dreams were made of cutting air and the light getting knocked out of your pupils

and i realized that eight months ago i genuinely loved you, and it’s not that this was new information but it was this, and here is what it is


that there is a point in your life when you can be consumed entirely by the most powerful emotional convulsions that only can perfectly capture the human existence. it’s a mess of erratic sobbing and lighthearted banter and soft touching of fingertips and your air – it will always smell like cinnamon and feel like ocean salt on your cheek. it’s seeing the world, literally, through only rose-colored lenses and feeling deeply like a child again and i think, while none of this was new information again it was this that


here i was, eight months later, and for whatever reasons i broke it off i resolved that i simply could not feel what i felt anymore, and that is what it is that began to eat away at me at that obscene hour of the night, with a bottle of vodka in my hand and rivers and roads on repeat.


that you do all of this, and you feel all of this, and one day for unknown and uncontrollable reasons you cannot anymore. your body tells you no more, and you go back to your daily functions


what hit me was that it may never last. it may never last for anyone.

—  rivers & roads