It doesn’t kill me anymore to be “just friends” with you, and that makes me think I’m over you, over us. Maybe I am, maybe not, there’s no way to tell. But here is a list of things I’ll never admit to you:
i. In my bedside drawer, I still have the old bottle of deodorant that I used to wear when we had our summer romance because it reminds me of the beautiful beginning of our wild but innocent love. And once in a while, I like to inhale it all in and that puts a smile on my face, just like you used to.
ii. After you stopped teaching me your mother tongue, I fell in love with it. Even though you stopped recommending good movies, I continued on my own because I still craved to learn the language. I’m in love with those movies and the actors and the songs, and you’d be surprised if you knew how better I got at comprehending the language.
iii. I have never ever wished anything bad to happen to you, and even now, I want you to be really happy in life. I’m genuinely happy whenever our mutual best friend tells us you’re doing good, and I still rave about your achievements to everyone I know.
iv. Even though your mom hates me enough to tell you not to talk to me, the respect I have for her is beyond words. She’s one of the strongest people I know of to have survived everything life threw her way with her head held high, and bringing up an amazing person like you, simultaneously.
v. Just sometimes I still hug my pillow tight imagining it’s you as my eyes are closing because that gives me the feeling of safety and security and it reminds me of a time I felt intoxicated in love. It warms my heart.
vi. I haven’t heard your voice in more than three months but I remember the way your voice felt like silk saying my name, and the butterflies I felt in my stomach. I remember a lot of things you said that came straight out of your heart, and I feel lucky to have had that kind of young love.
Love fades and love stories are buried but the things you learnt from them and the feeling they gave you are for life.
Thank you for teaching me everything you did. I hope I too taught you something to remember me by.