i have a feeling this will not be a good experience

anonymous asked:

Can I be asexual if I've had a crush on someone before? Like as far as I'm aware I've never felt sexual attraction towards anyone, but by crush I mean I have wanted to be really good friends with a person before, maybe even in a relationship with them depending on how the friendship develops. Does that crush-like feeling negate whatever asexuality I may identify with? Does that even make sense?

Yes it makes sense! And you absolutely can be asexual if you have had crushes. So asexual means you don’t experience sexual attraction. Aromantic means you don’t experience romantic attraction. Some people use ace to mean that they are both aro and ace. Some people are just asexual but not aromantic. Some are aromantic but not asexual.

Asexuality and aromanticism are also on a spectrum. For example, From “no sexual or romantic feelings ever” to “sexual or romantic feelings sometimes”
You can still identify as asexual or a-spec even if you sometimes have some romantic or rare sexual attractions. Everyone’s asexuality is slightly different. I might be able to find you more resources that aren’t just me babbling haha

Hope this helped?

anonymous asked:

Since I found your blog, I've realized how ugly and graceless I am and I'm trying to better myself. Do you have any tips?

oh dear! :-( i’m so sorry to hear that you feel that way about yourself; i actually feel rather ugly and graceless myself, despite the beauty that my blog portrays (i suppose i made it to help me feel these things less. 😅) i feel that, based on my own learning experiences, some good things to keep in mind are 1). being soft and graceful can be a “learned” state - allow yourself to keep feeling deeply. don’t be afraid of showing your emotions. cry when you feel you must, smile when something makes you laugh - just really start embracing your feelings. there is a certain kind of grace in this acknowledgment; a oneness with yourself that may begin to come across as inspiring to others. i honestly look up to those who don’t have shame in showing their emotions. 💕 2). allow yourself to float. walk with ease. look with curiosity. listen with interest. remind yourself that doing the simplest of things: saying a heartfelt “thank you,” meeting eyes with someone and flashing a quick smile, giving a stranger a compliment… are wonderful. you should feel good for making someone else feel good! nobody can be ugly or ungraceful while being kind. 😌 3). and one more, which is something that is tough for me, personally: remind yourself that you are allowed good things. you *can* treat yourself to something that makes your heart happy. you *can* wear something others may find strange or unconventional, as long as it makes you feel beautiful. you are deserving of the things or ideas you have that will allow you to feel wonderful and beautiful and dainty, like the cute flower you are! 🌼 i hope this didn’t just come across as nonsensical and helps you a bit, lovely. i hope that you have a great day/night/week. :,)

anonymous asked:

1/2: I guess I need 2 parts:) After the last Control chapter I keep thinking that it will be very hard to MC and Jumin come back to relationship of love and trust. But if they do it, well, it will be totally different level of relationship. And this is good. Because Jumin really needs to grow up in his love experience and find out that love is not always black or white and to be in relationship is not so easy. And MC, I guess she needs some changes too. I wondering,

I wondering, was MC just afraid of Jumin because of what happened in that three days at his house or her fear of loosing control about her freedom and independence also is based on something from her past? Will we find out?

We will, but more towards the end (I won’t tell you guys how many chapters I’m planning because I think this would build unnecessary expectations :p) but we will, MC and Jumin will have a very honest conversation (no bickering and no accusations from either sides) at some point and she will open up about her past, which… can bring them closer or push them away forever. I also won’t tell what led to this conversation and the conditions of it :p So,answering your question, yes, we will find out more about her, just stay around ;)

anonymous asked:

I've been dealing with derealization and depersonalization for a few months now, I've never dealt with anything like this. Nothing feels real, I can't even recognize myself and everyday feels like an endless routine. I feel like I'm in a dream. Some days I can't feel emotions others I'm almost back to normal. It's been getting worse lately and I don't know what to do. I don't have a reason to feel this way, I don't have a mental illness or traumatic experience. Do I need help? What should I do?

Hi there,

It sounds like this is getting in the way of your life, so it would probably be a good idea to get help as soon as possible. What you’re describing can be a sign of mental illness, such as everything feeling like routines and feeling emotionless, so it’s definitely a good idea to at least talking to someone about this. It’s important to note that derealization and depersonalization can occur even when a person hasn’t experienced some sort of trauma. Because of that, it’s still entirely possible for you to experience those things without dealing with trauma. We have a page about getting help here if you’re interested in reaching out.

Grounding techniques can really be helpful for people who struggle with derealization and/or depersonalization. They kind of bring you back down and help you feel like you’re in your body again. We have a page here with a bunch of different kinds of grounding techniques that you might try out in the future. Because the symptoms of derealization and depersonalization can be distressing when you’re dealing with them, consider checking out these resources for anxiety: calming anxiety and panic, distractions, and breathing exercises. These aren’t meant to replace seeking professional help, but they are worth a try if they might help!

You can do this!


Letter #14

Fiona, you are a savior and you’re not even aware of it, you are a therapist, a long distance friend that feels close, a mentor.

I don’t know if you are aware of how you’ve changed people’s lives and how you have helped them through your music but you have had a great POSITIVE EFFECT on many people, specially young girls that need to hear similar experiences someone else has had and to see how that person has thrived. You rise above, your life speaks loud and you have made a change, this is the only reason I wish you get to read these letters one day, not for the praise of your music but for the gratitude and love from those whom you have helped.

You may not like to hear compliments or praise so much, you’re humble, but every once in a while it is okay to become aware of the good you’ve done there’s nothing wrong with being happy because of what you’ve done. With the warmest “hug” I tell you, thank you, I truly love you and appreciate that you came to this world!!

shingekino-neon  asked:

Honestly I really want to sign up for the Big Bang but I've only written for myself and friends before and nothing long and I've never finished anything. Have you done it/what has your experience been with it? If you don't mind me asking. Sending you good vibes today 😊

Hello there 😊

Sadly, I have never been a part of an Ereri Big Bang before so I can’t really tell you what it’s like, but what I can tell you is that if you really want to do it, then you most definitely should. It’s okay to be skeptical at first, especially if you hadn’t had anyone outside of your circle of friends read your works, but I promise you that once you’re in, you’ll want to do another one. Or so I heard from other people who have entered in past ones.

And I know that having strangers read your works is scary and makes you feel exposed, but all you can really do is believe that nothing can stop you from pursuing something that you obviously love.

I remember when I first started writing and posting my stuff online, I was extremely terrified that people would hate me for not being good enough or that my writing was shit, but it wasn’t until after I started getting feedback and tons of constructive criticism that my confidence slowly started to build up bit by bit. Believe me when I say that you’ll cherish the more harsher comments than the more praising ones in the first stages of becoming accustomed to posting online because believe it or not, those will be the ones that’ll steer you into the direction of true improvement and ultimate confidence 😊

As for not finishing anything, I feel you. It’s hard to stick to something for a long period of time and not go off to another idea. I promise you, I’ve been there. I am there. And honestly, I can say that this is probably one of the hardest things for a writer. Commitment. It’s hard to keep a story going when you’re so eager to start a new one. So, if that’s what is holding back, I’ll give you some pointers.

1. Choose an idea or AU that isn’t too hard, but challenging in its own way. One that you can see being a multi-chaptered fic and is easy enough for you to ease yourself into.

2. Plan out the plot. You’ll need this later when you find yourself wandering or going through a writer’s block in the future. (Extremely helpful) Make sure you write out a general summary and word limit for each chapter so that you know what you have to write and at what length.

3. Make a playlist to help you stay in your element and help your writing stay in the atmosphere you’re wanting to achieve. I do this ALL the time and I find it really helpful.

4. Read fanfics in the same general AU to give you inspiration or motivation in your own writing.

Anyways, I hope I have in some way encouraged you instead of scare you away by the end of this. By all means, I think you should join the Ereri Big Bang 😊 It’ll help you mentally and emotionally when you’re able to be a part of something this big that so many others look forward too. Plus, it’s a way to release all your ereri feels :’)

Other than that, I send you good vibes too and I hope you have a beautiful day 💞✌

drawn-to-space  asked:

❦ —- for a controversial thought/idea/theory

Okay, I have been thinking quite a while to find something that I consider downright controversial about Sans. And I think I finally found it? It occurred to me because of the other ask I answered today, that while I think Sans might have nightmares, they a) are not as prominent as it’s depicted in the common UT Fanon, and b) they aren’t literal memories. 

For example, feelings or experiences from before a reset might sneak into his dreams and influence them, but they aren’t like “Flashbacks” per sé. 

Also Sans doesn’t thrash his room when he has a nightmare but actually is pretty good at ignoring them once he wakes up. 

Random Headcanon in between, but I think things he does to cope with the worst of nightmares that really won’t allow him to fall asleep, include re-reading some of his astronomy books and going out for quiet night walks, even if those might be short or just end with him sitting at some deserted place, thinking.

I also kind of headcanon that experiences like that can happen to every UT Character and not just Sans. Because they all have Deja Vues throughout the game. 

The only difference is that Sans knows where these feelings, hunches, and dreams might originate from. And even then, even he can’t tell these things apart from normal dejavues with 100% certainty. 

It’s just his intuition and pro deduction skills that make him appear eerily “all-knowing” sometimes.

I’m sorry if this is not actually controversial or something, but it’s the best I could come up with right now.

anonymous asked:

Relating 2 macdennis, ive been in love with my best friend for years and years and ive known her for 2 decades and we lived together in college, we have literally been attached at the hip almost our whole lives and we've done a lot of soft gay shit but shes 'not gay' so sometimes macdennis feels like a warm embrace that gets me and other times it feels like a punch 2 the gut and the heart. I feel like lots of gay ppl can relate 2 that feel tho lmao !!

OH MY GOODNESS yeah not to generalize but i feel like being in love with your best friend is a very common gay Experience. i just hope we all (along with mac and den) get the happy ending we deserve 💜💜

anonymous asked:

Hii. Do you have any advice on becoming a good poet? I know that I should read and write a lot but I know it's not enough. Which is more important, talent or practice? Sorry if it's been asked before. x

practice, definitely practice. i think natural talent is more like intuition and confidence, you write something and know why you’re writing it and what it’s communicating, and that’s something that can be learned. there’s definitely poetry that isn’t as good and need developing, but the more you write and experiment (without copying others’ styles) the more you grow as a writer and it gets easier for you to write in a way that feels natural to you.

anonymous asked:

I don't get to see my s/o that often so when I do I obviously like to have a wonderful time and make as many memories as possible but when we were saying our goodbyes last night I started crying uncontrollably and wound up staying the night because I was too upset to drive home and continued to cry and be sad for a lot of the night and I literally just hate myself so much because I ruined such a good day with him for no reason. I get so emotional and dumb I don't deserve how wonderful he is

It’s okay to feel deeply, especially when it comes to the person you love. It’s hard to control your emotions, so you shouldn’t blame yourself if they overwhelm you. It definitely doesn’t mean that you don’t deserve how wonderful he is. In fact, I’m happy that you have someone so supportive who loves and accepts you. Try not to think that it ruined your night because it really didn’t. It’s just an experience that made you two stronger together <3

anonymous asked:

Is it possible to force yourself to control your melt/shut-down at some point? I'm in my teens, trying to figure out if I'm autistic, I seemed to have a lot of meltdowns as a child, as I grew I was forced&forced myself to behave very allistic and that resulted in depression and anxiety. I went through professional treatment of the latter and now I feel good but I get more sensory overloads and melt/shut-downs, and they're quite uncontrollable. Might it be that I'm autistic&going through burnout?

Another question from the melt/shut-down anon. I experience both meltdowns and just getting upset, depending on the situation. Is it possible to just get upset in some situations of my life and get better after crying (I can tell the difference between this and my meltdowns, of course).

It is possible to suppress meltdowns to an extent, though they generally rear their heads eventually. However, it could be that you suppressed them and they manifested as depression and anxiety. 

It is possible that you’re going through burnout now. Burnout can involve an increase in meltdowns/shutdowns and sensory overload. It also tends to come with a loss of skills or abilities. For instance, when I went through burnout, I started going nonverbal more than I ever had before and I still experience more frequent episodes of going nonverbal than I did previously. 

It’s definitely possible to get upset and feel better after crying. Crying releases excess hormones which is why people generally feel better after they cry. 



Someone in the notes of the last Leyendecker post I reblogged mentioned having difficulty telling his work and Rockwell’s apart, and I know from experience that many people get them confused, which is somewhat astonishing as, to my eyes, their styles are very distinct. Leyendecker was Rockwell’s idol and mentor, but they were very different people and were interested in portraying different aspects of humanity, even when the basic subject matter was the same.

Surface-level, here are some differences:

  • Leyendecker smoothed out faults and imperfections (in the young. he stylized them in the old); Rockwell exaggerated them to mild or moderate caricature
  • Leyendecker approached his paintings as sculpture- even the merest clothing folds are carved out of the paint; Rockwell approached his paintings as drawings- the underlying contour always shines through.
  • Leyendecker used broad hatching brushstrokes and areas of smooth shine; Rockwell used more naturalistic texture and lighting
  • Leyendecker created idolized, larger-than-life figures that feel Hellenistic in their perfection; Rockwell created intimate scenes populated by figures that feel familiar in their specificity
  • Leyendecker’s best and most comfortable work was as a fashion/lifestyle illustrator; Rockwell’s best and most comfortable work was as an editorial/humor illustrator 
  • Leyendecker created beautiful still lives with his figures; Rockwell told compelling stories
  • Leyendecker often created erotic tension in his paintings; Rockwell almost never did.

See below: Two paintings of soldiers with women, but in Rockwell’s there is a clear punchline, and while the poses are contrived for the sake of composition, they’re not self-conscious. The women are pretty- as demanded by the central joke- but not truly sexualized anywhere but in the mind of the young soldier who is being overloaded with cake and attention. 

Contrast Leyendecker’s soldiers with a young nurse. Everyone in this image is posing attractively- no one has their mouth full or ears sticking out. Each crease and fold is sharp and sculptural, and the light picks out their best features- in particular the shoulders and posterior of the soldier facing away from the viewer. There is neither joke nor story, merely a group of beautiful young people, portrayed with deft brushwork and graceful lines. (and check out that hatching! That’s indicator #1 that you’ve got a Leyendecker image)

Leyendecker was very comfortable with “hot young things wearing clothes”, and did them very VERY well, but his facility with idealization came at the cost of personalization, which was fine for fashion illustration, but shows in his domestic scenes: 

Beautiful, but… cold. (Also, that hand on the left- who holds a baby with their hand like that??? Good lord, J.C.) Compare a Rockwell illustration (for a baby food brand, I believe) of a mother and baby: this is clearly a real and individual young mother and baby, interacting exactly how parents and babies really interact.

Even when they did basically the same content, and putting aside posing or composition or anything other than objective visual analysis, it’s still obvious who is who:

  • Red: NR’s smoother rendering vs JCL’s super cool hatching
  • Green: NR’s naturalistic cloth folds vs JCL’s sculptural stylization
  • Blue: NR’s natural lighting vs JCL’s world where everything is shiny

Now go forth, confident in the knowledge that you’ll never confuse a Rockwell or a Leyendecker ever again, and can refute any claim that their styles are ‘virtually identical’. 

what bpd feels like
  • being alone in the dark
  • you don’t fit it anywhere. anywhere.
  • you don’t know anymore what your true identity is
  • every time you feel bad, it’s the worst you’ve ever been. there’s no hope.
  • every time you feel good, you don’t get why you ever felt bad. you can do anything.
  • you either speak too little or too much.
  • you’re either too impulsive and wild or too calm and boring.
  • whenever you say something, it always turns out wrong. you never know what’s the right thing to say.
  • if you love someone, you love like crazy. you’d literally die for them, and i’m not kidding.
  • if someone you care about and love says something that feels slightly off or doesn’t respond to your messages for a while, that’s it. they hate you. they never needed you. you’re trash and a waste of space.
  • when you hate someone, you hate hard. you split like crazy and afterwards hate yourself even more for it.
  • you feel like you’re always selfish and manipulative and talk about yourself too much.
  • you barely have control over your emotions. they hit you like a tsunami every time, leaving you drained.
  • you have impulses to self harm or do things that you know are blatantly stupid.
  • every day you want to die.
  • you’re pretty sure your friends are tired of you and your problems.
  • if you don’t let your anger out, it builds up in you and messes up your mind even more.
  • you have hard time making decisions.
  • you feel like you’re not worth shit because of the way you are.
  • you feel like everyone’s just lying to you because they don’t wanna be rude to you, but they all actually secretly hate you.
  • you don’t know yourself anymore. every day you have a different personality. 
  • you’re actually scared of yourself and what you might do.
  • you just want to love others and be loved, but it seems impossible.
  • you hate having bpd.

salvainterra  asked:

i love mob so much please for the love of god tell me about ur feelings on 100% ecstasy

OH BOY WILL I !!! ABSOLUTELY 100% (pun unintended but warmly embraced) 

out of all the 100% events, ecstasy is my favorite. the drama… the tragedy… will fiction EVER peak like this again? i don’t think so. but BEFORE I DELVE INTO ALL OF THAT, there’s something i want to talk about first: mob’s psychic powers as an expression of his emotions. 

we all know that mob suppresses his emotions to avoid outbursts of psychic power. but THAT implies that mob’s psychic power is a form of self expression, in the same way that body language is expression. 

he can direct his psychic powers – the same way we can direct our bodies’ actions – but there are other components that are difficult to stop, similar to how people’s shoulders tend to hunch when they’re angry or upset, how they subconsciously cross their arms and direct their feet away when something is making them uncomfortable, etc. 

unless you know about these bits of body language, and make a deliberate attempt to suppress them, it’s difficult to stop your body from revealing something about your emotions. similarly, one function of mob’s psychic power is as an extension of the way he expresses himself. these things happen subconsciously and mostly without mob’s control. 

for example, one of the trademarks of mob’s 100% events is that mob starts releasing waves of psychic power that push his hair back. other side effects include cracking the ground under him, often to dramatic effect.

mob doesn’t push his hair up on purpose, it’s just something that happens – as a result of him releasing his pent-up emotions in the form of psychic power. these little bits of expression aren’t something he can control.

mob also says something REALLY INTERESTING in his first 100% event:

during 100% rage mob uses his psychic powers to fight dimple, yes, but these lines suggest that his outburst of power happened because he finally had to express his anger. and that implies that, in order to show his emotions, and express himself, mob has to use his psychic powers. 

which is something he almost never allows himself to do. 

never forget the disdain / loathing mob had for himself at the beginning of the manga, and how convinced he was that he couldn’t allow himself to express himself OTHERWISE SOMETHING LIKE THIS WOULD HAPPEN. 

further material to consider: the lines that he said right before his 100% animosity / hostility event 


at this point, mob hasn’t taken any action against koyama yet. his outburst of psychic power, radiating outward and blanketing the area, is not doing anything but expressing his hostility – to the extent that mob expects koyama to be able to feel it. 

in addition to that, during mob’s fight with toichirou, he cycles rapidly through a LOT of emotions, and this is what he says about it:

canon suggests that it’s not just a buildup of of emotions that cause his powers to run amok; allowing his powers to run amok also allows himself to feel the full intensity of his emotions. his psychic powers are key to expressing himself.

I COULD GO ON… but i’ll just leave things here for now. to summarize: mob subconsciously uses his psychic powers to express his emotions, which is why suppressing his emotions also suppresses his psychic powers. 

figure 1: a helpful venn diagram of things 


the fight against toichirou is possibly the first time mob has been able to fully utilize his psychic powers. the first time he’s had to, even. all the unconscious limits he’s put on himself – not allowing his psychic power to go free, stifling his emotions and powers – all come undone. 

mob is allowing himself to be himself, wholly and fully. he’s removed his inhibitions. he’s running wild and free. he’s no longer expending energy trying to regulate his psychic powers – he’s allowing himself to feel. this intensity of emotion and action is something mob has never given himself before, and the freedom of it… feels good. incredibly so. he feels free, he feels alive, and toichirou – the only individual to ever stand on a level close to mob’s – understands perfectly. 

this is a level of joy mob has never felt before. 

the release of his psychic power even comes hand in hand with mob’s body language becoming much freer and more expressive than it is in daily life. look at him go!! mob, for the first time in years… letting himself feel the intensity of his emotions, just as they really are.  

but of course his happiness isn’t going to last 

because mob wants to be a part of society, and he thinks he has to keep his psychic powers sequestered away in order to do that. his greatest fear is accidentally hurting the people he loves with his own psychic power, and when he remembers that possibility… 

the tragedy of 100% ecstasy is that – for just a brief moment, mob released himself from his self-imposed limits. for a moment, he let himself really feel, he let himself be, and in that moment he experienced a richness, an intensity, a moment of being so utterly present and alive that it brought himself to heights he’d never reached before. 

 and mob will never willingly allow himself to do that ever again. 

SKAM S04E09 Clip 5 - Maghrib

SANA: Please accept my fast, even though I’ve behaved badly. Please watch over Eva and Vilde and Noora, Chris. Please watch over Isak and Even and Elias and Yousef.

[VILDE: Hi, are you ready to meet up?

EVA: Sana! Chris and I will pick you up with the van in 20 minutes.

SANA: Ok cool

SANA: I regret cancelling the date with Yousef

NOORA: YEEES! Call him! Go!

EVA: Do it girl!! Life is NOW!!

SANA: According to Islam, life is after death. Which is one of the reasons why I should stay away from him

CHRIS: According to me, the abdomen is dead after death. Which is one of the reasons why you should meet him!!

VILDE: Yousef! Yousef! Yousef!

SANA: Hahaha I get why mom is worried that I don’t have any Muslim friends

NOORA: Hello! OK!! I can argue from an Islamic perspective

SANA: Now I’m intrigued

NOORA: Ok, doesn’t Islam believe in destiny?

Keep reading

Ten things I learned about writing from Stephen King
The novelist James Smythe, who has been analysing the work of Stephen King for the Guardian since 2012, on the lessons he has drawn from the master of horror fiction
By James Smythe

Stephen King is an All-Time Great, arguably one of the most popular novelists the world has ever seen. And there’s a good chance that he’s inspired more people to start writing than any other living writer. So, as the Guardian and King’s UK publisher Hodder launch a short story competition – to be judged by the master himself – here are the ten most important lessons to learn from his work.

1. Write whatever the hell you like

King might be best known – or, rather, best regarded – as a writer of horror novels, but really, his back catalogue is crammed with every genre you can think of. There are thrillers (Misery, Gerald’s Game), literary novels (Bag Of Bones, Different Seasons), crime procedurals (Mr Mercedes), apocalypse narratives (The Stand), fantasy (Eyes Of The Dragon, The Dark Tower series) … He’s even written what I think of as being one of the greatest Young Adult novels of all time: The Long Walk. Perhaps the only genre or audience he hasn’t really touched so far is comedy, but most of his work features moments that show his deft touch with humour. It’s clear that King does what he wants, when he wants, and his constant readers – the term he calls his, well, constant readers – will follow him wherever he goes.

2. The scariest thing isn’t necessarily what’s underneath the bed

Horror is a curious thing. What scares one person won’t necessarily scare another. And while there might be moments in his horror novels that tread towards the more conventional ideas of what some find terrifying, for the most part, the truly scary aspects are those that deal with humanity itself. Ghosts drive people to madness, telekinetic girls destroy whole towns with their powers, clowns … well, clowns are just bloody terrifying full stop. But the true crux of King’s ability to scare is finding the thing that his readers are actually worried about, and bringing that to the fore. If you’re writing horror, don’t just think about what goes bump in the night; think about what that bump might drive people to do afterwards.

3. Don’t be scared of transparency

One of my favourite things about King’s short story collections are the little notes about each tale that he puts into the text. The history of them, the context for the idea, how the writing process actually worked. They’re not only invaluable material for aspiring writers – because exactly how many drafts does it take to reach a decent story? King knows! – but they’re also brilliant nuggets of insight into King himself. Some people might think that it’s better off knowing nothing about authors when they read their work, but for King, his heart is on his sleeve. In his latest collection, The Bazaar of Broken Dreams, King gets more in-depth than ever, talking about what inspired the stories in such an honest way that it couldn’t have come from another writer’s pen. Which brings us to …

4. Write what you know. Sort of. Sometimes

Write what you know is the most common writing tip you’ll find anywhere. It’s nonsense, really, because if we all did that we’d end up with terribly boring novels about writers staring out of windows waiting for inspiration to hit. (If you like those, incidentally, head straight for the literary fiction section of your nearest bookshop.) But King understands that experience is something which can be channelled into your work, and should be at every opportunity. Aspects of his life – addiction, teaching, his near-fatal car accident, rock and roll, ageing – have cropped up in his work over and over, in ways that aren’t always obvious, but often help to drive the story. That’s something every writer can use, because it’s through these truths that real emotions can be writ large on the page.

5. Aim big. Or small

King’s written some mammoth books, and they’re often about mammoth things. The Stand takes readers into an apocalypse, with every stage of it laid out on the page until the final fantastical showdown. It deals with a horror that hits a group of characters twice in their lives, showing us how years and years of experience can change people. And The Dark Tower is a seven (or eight, or more, if you count the short stories set in its world) part series that takes in so many different genres of writing it’s dizzying. When he needs to, King aims really big, and sometimes that’s what you have to do to tell a story. At the other end of the spectrum, some of King’s most enduring stories – Rita Hayworth & Shawshank Redemption, The Mist – have come from his shorter works. He traps small groups of characters in single locations and lets the story play out how it will. The length of the story you’re telling should dictate the size of the book. Doesn’t matter if it’s forty thousand words or two hundred, King doesn’t waste a word.

6. Write all the time. And write a lot

King’s published – wait for it – 55 novels, 11 collections of stories, 5 non-fiction works, 7 novellas and 9 assorted other pieces (including illustrated works and comic books). That’s over a period of 41 years. That’s an average of two books a year. Which is, I must admit, a pretty giddying amount. That’s years of reading (or rereading, if you’re as foolishly in awe of him as I am). But he’s barely stopped for breath. This year has seen three books published by him, which makes me feel a little ashamed. Still, at my current rate of writing, I might catch up with him sometime next century. And while not every book has found the same critical and commercial success, they’ve all got their fans.

7. Voice is just as important as content

King’s a writer who understands that a story needs to begin before it’s actually told. It begins in the voice of the novel: is it first person, or third? Is it past or present tense? Is it told through multiple narrators, or just the one? He’s a master at understanding exactly why each story is told the way it’s told. Sure, he might dress it up as something simple – the story finding the voice it needs, or vice versa – but through his books you can see that he’s tried pretty much everything, and can see why each voice worked with the story he was telling.

8. And Form is just as important as voice

King isn’t really thought of as an experimental novelist, which is grossly unfair. Some of King’s more daring novels have taken on really interesting forms. Be it The Green Mile’s fragmented, serialised narrative; or the dual publication of The Regulators and Desperation – novels which featured the same characters in very different situations, with unsettling parallels between the stories that unfolded for them; or even Carrie’s mixed-media narrative, with sections of the story told as interview or newspaper extract. All of these novels have played with the way they’re presented on the page to find the perfect medium for telling those stories. Really, the lesson here from King is to not be afraid to play.

9. You don’t have to be yourself

Some of King’s greatest works in the early years of his career weren’t published by King himself. They were in the name of Richard Bachman, his slightly grislier pseudonym. The Long Walk, Thinner, The Running Man – these are books that dealt with a nastier side of things than King did in his properly attributed work. Because, maybe it’s good to have a voice that allows us to let the real darkness out, with no judgments. (And then maybe, as King eventually did in The Dark Half, it’s good to kill that voice on the page … )

10. Read On Writing. Now

This is the most important tip in the list. In 2000, King published On Writing, a book that sits in the halfway space between autobiography and writing manual. It’s full of details about his process, about how he wrote his books, channelled his demons and overcame his challenges. It’s one of the few books about writing that are actually worth their salt, mainly because it understands that it’s about a personal experience, and readers might find that useful. There’s no universal truths when it comes to writing. One person’s process would be a nightmare for somebody else. Some people spend years labouring on nearly perfect first drafts; some people get a first draft written in six weeks, and then spend the next year destroying it and rebuilding it. On Writing tells you how King does it, to help you to find your own. Even if you’re not a fan of his books, it’s invaluable to the in-development writer. Heck, it’s invaluable to all writers.

Keeping ‘Ciel’ Alive

So now that the 2CT is true and it seems like our Ciel really took over his twin’s identity there’s the question why our Ciel even felt the need to do that. Since the real Ciel probably died in that cult the title as Earl and Watchdog should have rightfully been our Ciel’s. However, he chose to return as ‘Ciel Phantomhive’.

(I know this has been discussed a lot before but I wanted to collect my own thoughts for this; this is also in response to this ask.)

I’ve seen discussions about that where it’s argued that our Ciel may have been jealous of his brother since he had better health, was more extroverted and would have been Vincent’s successor one day. And while there may be some truth to that, I am still sure that the twins’ parents and family (Midfords, Madam Red,…) loved both children equally. Also, I believe the relationship between the twins was a good one. They seem to have been very close when they were younger and as identical twins they probably had an even deeper bond.

So I don’t think when our Ciel took over the twin’s identity he did it with the intention of gaining everything that was his twin’s only because of jealousy and evil intent. I believe there are more psychological reasons for our Ciel’s decision.

First of all, we have to consider the situation our Ciel was in at the moment he made that decision. He was a 10-year old boy who had experienced a month of terror in that cult after losing his parents and the life he used to know. And then he saw the last person he still hold on to, his twin who most likely was always the closest person to him, being killed brutally in front of his eyes.

Losing their co-twin, an identical one even more, is a traumatizing experience for every twin. And even under ‘normal’ circumstances (accident, disease,…) it’s not unusual that the survivor feels guilty for being alive.

Now in the situation where our Ciel’s twin ‘died’ it may be even the case that our Ciel isn’t completely innocent. Of course, the true culprits are still the cultists and the situation has to be considered but maybe something happened that made the cultists take the real Ciel instead of our Ciel, for example. Since it seems that the cultist have saved the twins for last they may have wanted to take the younger twin (our Ciel) first before using the Phantomhive heir as sacrifice. But it turned out differently, maybe because our Ciel somehow made the cultists mistake the twins’ identity.

Anyway, even if that’s not the case, the fact remains that the twin’s ‘death’ most likely triggered Sebastian’s appearance. Whether Sebastian really took the twin’s soul or if seeing the twin being stabbed caused Ciel to be able to summon a demon – because the twin died, our Ciel could survive with the help of Sebastian. And therefore it’s no wonder that our Ciel feels guilty as was clearly seen in that dream sequence during the Green Witch arc.

Our Ciel feels guilty for using his brother’s death to escape from his fate when making the contract with Sebastian.

In that vulnerable state during the Green Witch arc when all the feelings which he usually tries to hide from everyone surfaced he even admitted that he feels like he shouldn’t have been the one who survived.

So if he still feels that way three or now nearly four years afterwards he may have already felt like that when making the contract. He blamed himself for his twin’s death, maybe he was even hating himself for what happened. And by taking over his twin’s name and identity it may have been for him as if he would keep his twin alive while killing off his true identity which he hated.

And along with this train of thought, he probably also thought that everyone else would be happier if the real Ciel returned instead of himself (even if that’s not true). If he was hating himself for what happened how could he have thought that anyone else would be happy with him surviving?

So I guess even more than having it easier to become Earl and Watchdog, our Ciel felt guilty and thought it would have been better if he had died and if his brother had survived. And by taking his identity he believed it the best way of making this lie a reality.

It’s sad, really, that our Ciel would think so but I think this lie also helped him to cope with his guilt and made it possible for him to return to his life. As the person he once was he felt too weak and guilty but by pretending to be the one he thought should have survived that gave him strength and confidence. And once he had made that decision there was no turning back, even though each time he was called ‘Ciel’ and probably whenever he even looked in the mirror he must have been reminded of the truth. He built up his new life based on that lie, yet each time he was confronted with his past and the truth it triggered his guilt and his trauma (resulting in asthma attacks, sudden reactions and decisions or his terrified state in the Green Witch arc). Maybe that’s also another reason why he never let anyone around him too close – in fear they might discover the truth.

So now that the truth is out and the twin is back our Ciel must be shocked. The life he has built like a wall to protect himself from his guilt and hatred now crumbles down. Not only was he sure that the twin had died that day, it now also seems as if the twin wants to take revenge on our Ciel for what happened. Taking Lizzy, killing Agni, invading the manor… To the twin it must seem as if our Ciel stole everything from him and now he wants to take that back while hurting our Ciel. And since the reason for all this is that our Ciel took over his twin’s identity, our Ciel may blame himself again for everything. Only this time it may be more difficult to escape from that since everyone he could turn to is deeply involved in this matter and this time our Ciel has to deal with it as the person he truly is.

In a sense the return of the twin is not a revival of ‘Ciel Phantomhive’ since that person was always kept alive through our Ciel, but a revival of the person that our Ciel was before he claimed to be ‘Ciel’. 

[TRANS] non-no Magazine 2017 Aug Issue - BTS Suga


Q1: What’s your hobby or something you’re into recently, how do you spend your holiday?

A1: I just do ordinary things in my holiday. Going to the coffee shop alone or meeting with friends, or doing nothing, that kind of everyday life is important to me. Rather than doing special things because it’s a holiday, I think relaxing and enjoying it is more important.

Q2: Tell us your fashion style or preference!

A2: I’m the type to stick to my favorite type of clothes and use for a long time rather than having various types. I think I have worn my type of clothes and also expensive clothes tons of times from debut. I want to look special even when wearing ordinarily, so I choose simple clothes now. Other than that, I don’t like exposing my skin so I wear long sleeves even in summer.

Q3: Favorite perfume?

A3: I like sweet scent but since I only use sometimes depending on my mood that day, I never use all of one kind. I like drinking coffee and I feel calm smelling the scent. Coffee’s like the substitute for water to me so I can’t live without it.

Q4: Favorite work among Japanese movies, dramas, mangas?

A4: The best manga of my life is Slam Dunk! I read my favorite work over and over so I have read it more than a hundread times. Most of the animes I watched when I was young are Japanese animes.



I first met rapping and made my bond with music in elementary school, and I’m still active and making music now. Music is the only thing that I, with no particular hobby, can do. It’s the existance that can’t be taken away from me.


The word that represents me. (laughs) I rarely look for attention, I’m passive, quiet and like being alone. I’m not that active and like lying down too so. (laughs)


My way of thinking before was to seek the answer out of either 0 or 100. For example, if someone doesn’t like me, I would ask myself “Why?” or show my emotions. But through various kinds of experiences, I have come to understand each person’s sensibility and value. I have learned to think that “every thought is possible” and open every possibility to myself.


from JIN

“Lamb skewers, furniture, goods… He’s interested in a lot of things but when he goes shopping, he only buys music equipments. This is an exclusive information only I, his roommate, knows.”

from V

“Yoongi-hyung’s really interested in Japanese lately so I often see him studying hard. And I think the way and the things he talks about have become more interesting than before. (laughs)

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