There are so many ambiguous lines in The Force Awakens, that it makes my head spin. So many scenes that have hidden meanings, or purposefully flow into another scene that makes you on a subconscious level see the parallels. Combine those scenes with the novelization, and each time I watch it I see/hear something I hadn’t noticed before. A few lines that stand out to me:
1) ‘We’re Not Done Yet’. - Star Killer Base is exploding all around them, he just killed his father, he has a MAJOR wound to his side from Chewie’s bowcaster that could make him bleed out, yet Kylo does what? He trudges out into the snow to find the 'traitor’ and Rey. All bets are off here. What did he have to gain/prove by killing/capturing them? What did he think he would do, anyway? Try to probe Rey’s mind again for the map? Kill Finn for disowning the First Order? Yeah, that was such a high priority at the moment, while his life was literally ending before our eyes. Maybe his anger drove him, or his helplessness at his actions with Han. Maybe he was afraid to come to Snoke empty handed, yet I can’t see how that one holds water. He just killed his father, for God’s sake. He did the ultimate act of proof for that monster that he was obedient. He could have left well enough alone, and lived to fight another day. For all Kylo knew, Finn and Rey might have died on the imploding planet. Problem solved for him. But nope. He went after them, with one intent as far as I can see: He wanted Rey. Dealing with Finn was a distraction. But his words to her, 'We’re not done yet’, were directed to her alone and because even though he might not have known who she was yet (It is you- the novel) he had a good idea from the interrogation and her escape that she was someone important to his future. He was jealous (that she was with Finn) he was angry (that she witnessed what should have been his 'finest’ hour - killing Han, yet he was at his weakest) and he was lost (that he did this unspeakable act that was supposed to make him stronger, only to feel even more guilty, alone, confused, and pulled towards the light). There was NO way he was letting her go without a fight. And I don’t even think he meant to harm her at all. She pulled the blaster on him first, prompting him to save his skin by sending her flying into the tree, and she attacked with Luke’s saber first, prompting him to engage her in a duel. Rey drew first blood.
2) 'The Girl I’ve Heard So Much About’. - Okay. From whom? Unless it was offscreen, in which case they should have included it in the finished cut, because how the hell did he hear so much about 'The Girl’ when the only person who he spoke to about it was Mitaka. Did Mitaka have a dosier on Rey? Did he question everyone at Niima Outpost and learn all about Rey and her non-existent flying skills? Because all he said to Ren were those seven words. All he said was 'The two were accompanied by a girl.’ You’d think that because this 'girl’ was going to play such an important role in Kylo’s life going forward, that we would have been privy to what he’d 'heard’ about her. We don’t see Kylo investigating her, or gathering intel on her after Mitaka tells him this. I can understand his attention when the Stormtrooper said in the Forest that the droid was spotted with the girl, and why he fled to find the one who helped the droid and FN-2187 escape. But his weird line to her, 'The Girl I’ve Heard So Much About’, makes ZERO sense to me. Is it purposefully ambiguous? Are we to think he knows more than we think? Was it an error? Even paralyzed Rey looks at him like, 'Huh?’ How could you possibly know me? It’s this reason that I feel he knows ALL about her, in some way. It’s the only possible explanation for the novels line 'It Is You’. Whether he knows of her but never met her (As JJ Abrams said Rey and Kylo never met), or he feels she is the reason for the Force awakening, or if he’d had visions of her like she had of him, he has to have had some inkling of who Rey was. The fact he flipped out on Mitaka and almost choked him is another indicator. So a girl helped them escape. Was it really so surprising that a Good Samaritan on that planet could have helped Finn and BB8 out? Maybe she was a pilot, or a smuggler. Whatever. His reaction was very telling. He’s heard so much about this girl, because he knows this girl in one way, shape, or form.
3) 'Don’t Be Afraid, I Feel It Too.’ - Yeah. This is probably the most ambiguous line of all. As is the probing look Kylo gives Rey before he voices it. It’s clear to me that he is reacting to whatever Rey is thinking in that moment, and whatever it is, it MUST be something about him. And that something must NOT be negative. Because if she’s thinking 'He’s a creature, a monster, etc. I doubt Kylo’s reaction would be 'Don’t be afraid, I feel it too. If she’s thinking 'I hate him, I want to kill him, etc. again, I doubt his reaction would be 'Don’t be afraid, I feel it too.'He doesn’t hate her, nor want her dead. If he did, she would have been mistreated, bloodied, beaten, raped, or killed. He took care of her before, during, and after the interrogation by seeing no harm came to her. The only conclusion to me on not only why Kylo looked at her with such surprise before he said it and the words he used, was because somewhere in Rey’s mind she felt him interesting, attractive, and she was curious about him the same way he was curious about her. Kylo saw/heard this in her thoughts, and it puzzled him. Anti’s say Rey was terrified in this scene, and that she had no interest in her captor, etc. Yet her reaction speaks for itself. When he removed his mask, she did not look terrified. She looked startled and a bit disoriented. She didn’t expect THAT to be what she had thought a creature. And she seemed pretty self conscious and embarrassed at his calling her a scavenger, yet she usually wore that moniker as a badge of honor. Here he is, a handsome, young, high ranking and probably wealthy officer while she is a dirt poor scavenger who hasn’t had proper nutrition or grooming. In that moment, she was like any woman would be when faced with a man she found attractive despite herself: she was embarrassed that she was a nobody. Yet she held her own pretty damn well with NO help. By the end of the scene, she had the upper hand in every way. After her turning the tables on him, using his greatest fear against him, he could have hurt her or worse. He turned tail and fled to his Master for help. He was afraid of Rey, and needed Snoke’s 'guidance’. The only reason the mind probe hurt was because she resisted so firmly. You’d thiink with his temper, he would have injured her. But no, he never touched her. Why? Because he was already interested in her. Already had COMPASSION for her. And whatever it was he saw in her thoughts, HE FELT IT TOO.
4) 'Rey’. - I’ve shown this scene to friends, family, tumblr friends, my doctor, my mailman, my dry cleaner, etc. They all see and hear what I see and hear. After Rey defeats Kylo and he’s lying in he snow, before he sits up and gives her a look that is equal parts awed, smitten, disbelieving, shocked, and helpless…he moans (probably in exhaustion and pain) and says the word 'Rey’. I’ve heard people say he was just moaning gibberish. Or the word Okay (???) Or it was just a sound of discomfort at his defeat. Whatever. Sure, I’m a Reylo Shipper. And the part of me that WANTS a Reylo pairing to come to fruition would gladly make things up to head in that direction. Yet I’ve seen this scene on my ultra HD tv which is 60 inches and has surround sound, on youtube on my laptop, on my I Phone, on the TV’s at Best Buy (you get the picture) And you cannot tell me in that scene Kylo does not say the word Rey in a voice filled with pride and longing and yes…passion. She’s just bested him (wounded or not) after they 'Found the Force together’. Show of hands of people who thought he would orgasm right there on the edge of that cliff as he watched her meditate. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from her Light. Since I think he now 'know’s her, I think he is even more drawn to her and wants her even more. He just begged her to let him be her teacher. So he is pretty stoked to see her use that beautiful rage he finds so attractive in her, even if it was against him. I’d hate to sound like he was fueled by lust in this scene, since it’s a family movie and PG-13. But the way I heard him say Rey? I expected him to light up a cigarette while he was down for the count on his fine ass. I think dueling with her REALLY excited him, and I hope to see more of that in TLJ.
So yeah. I waste a lot of time thinking about these kind of things. All I can say in my defense is if The Powers That Be didn’t want fans to obsess about this kind of stuff, then they shouldn’t do such a good job at leaving things so open to interpretation. :D
Red solo cups are dapper as fuck. Also, tiny demon Dipper transporting ice for his merciful overlord (one cube at a time because he’s like the size of an air freshener.) All geometric shapes pictured are of legal age, by which I mean they are in fact ageless.
Dedicated to billdip week because I can’t do anything on time, and to
any Spam Artists™ I haven’t blocked yet～☆✨ Hope you’re enjoying the
“Why are you dragging me to a bar, Natasha? I told you that I didn’t feel like going out.” Bucky asked his bossy red-haired friend.
Nat just rolled her eyes before she answered him, “Because, I got tired of seeing you all holed up in your apartment for the millionth Saturday in a row.”
Bucky knew that he couldn’t fight her on this. Natasha was his closet friend and once she told someone to do something, they usually did it out of fear. He wasn’t ashamed to admit that he was scared of her a little.
bite after Mantis immediately because he doesn’t like to be touched or petted.
point, we have already seen him react
to sudden touch – the others touched him, too, and Drax petted him at the end of
the first movie. Rocket’s initial reaction is confusion and shock, not used to
being touched gently, but he doesn’t bite immediately.
freezes and then immediately after bites because it’s Mantis, and she can read his feelings with her touch.
He had to get
her to let go before she could feel anything,
because feelings, honest ones at least, gentle ones that have nothing to do
with blunder and anger – that’s not something Rocket has ever let anyone see,
because it could mean opening up and showing weakness to someone. And it’s probably
super scary to him that there is someone who can look right into him with a
(DUH. I only got this now.)
EDIT: Okay, thanks to some other users (thanks guys) I realized that I messed up the timeline here. Apparently this scene is before they find out about Mantis being an empath, so Rocket doesn’t know that yet.
I still think it’s a nifty little trick by the writers - had Mantis touched Rocket for real, she probably would have spelt the beans, because that girl has no filter whatsoever and would have blurted out something that Rocket probably would have never said aloud himself, whatever it was that he felt at that point.
But it’s got nothing to do with Rocket knowing about Mantis’ abilities, and he probably was just in a terrible mood after the fight with Peter (?) - I can’t be sure about that, since I haven’t seen the movie still.
Wonho flops on the couch and snags the remove from you, changing the channel. “Hey! I was watching that! Give it back!” He holds the remote up. Come get it. You huff and stand up. “I’m telling my dad!” He rolls his eyes. Daddy’s little princess. Can’t do anything by yourself can you? You freeze and turn around. “Asshole!” You launch yourself at him and start wrestling for the remote. He pins you down under him, his heavy frame covering you and making it undeniable that he could have you submit to him with little to no effort. I win. You gulped when you realized something else.. “H-how long have you been shirtless?” You could feel his abs pressing against you, warm muscle surrounding you. He just smirks at your reaction. This whole time. Problem? You try to fake a scowlbut he sees right through you. “Uh yeah! Who said I wanted your sweaty naked body on me?” He smirks again, darker this time as lust heats his gaze. I’d like to have your sweaty naked body under me anytime. You freeze and he raises an eyebrow. What do you say? Wanna be daddy’s little princess… for me? You nod slowly. Use your words, Princess. You swallow heavily. “Y-yes daddy…” He traces your lips with his finger. Good girl. He may be your father but I’m the only one you call daddy, got it? Now. Go up to daddy’s room and wait for me. I’ll be there after I convince my mom and your dad that it’s a good time to go grocery shopping.
It was finals week. The last week you would be on campus; possibly the last week you would see Dwayne. No matter what, you had to be out of your dorm by the end of the week. You plopped down in your seat, running your hand over the smooth wooden surface. You’d miss sitting here.
You looked up when you heard the door open. You were twenty minutes early to class, and so was Dwayne. He had a coffee in his hand, his briefcase in the other. He padded up to your desk, placing the coffee down in front of you.
“Ah got’cha your favorite,” Pride spoke in a low, sweet voice. The professor pressed a kiss to your forehead, his lips lingering for a few seconds. “Good luck [Y/N], ah know you’ll do great.”
Can you make a Nate imagine (dirty) where he is your best friend and you hang out and some and end up having rough sex after he confesses his fantasies about you and him dating and fucking? Thanks ily 💘
Warning this is my first actual smut on here &I I wrote this at like 3:30 in the morning last night, so I apologize in advance if it sucks but hey I tried 😇.
Lately my bestfriend, Nate, has been acting pretty weird if you ask me. I’ve been trying to hang out with him for the past month and all I get is excuse after excuse as to why he can’t hang when he dam well knows he’s not doing anything except kicking it back smoking blunt after blunt. After so many tries I convinced him to finally hang out with me and I’m gonna get to the bottom of why he really hasn’t been answering my requests to see him. I walked into the fancy decorated elevator headed straight to Nate’s apartment, I was wearing some black joggers with a black crop top and some black shoes. I got out the elevator and knocked on the door, I heard fumbling and him take a deep breath before he opened “hey kid” I said smiling and pulling him in for a hug, his arms wrapped around me tight but a protective kind of tight. We pulled apart and he flashed me his million dollar smile. “So what’s the plan for today?” I asked throwing myself down “I got everything we need here and even got some movies” he smiled slightly avoiding eye contact, something made me want to ask him why he’s so nervous but i barley got here gotta give it some time then ease into some questions. He brought in our favorite snacks and set the movie “what are we watching” “fifty shades of grey” I nearly chocked on my spit “why?” “I don’t know, I heard it’s a good movie, full of all that sappy shit you like, so I just decided to get it” he said sitting in the opposite sofa across from me. I don’t think he realizes what fifty shades of grey really is about. Should I tell him, should I not? Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes “Nate…” “Hmp?” He said throwing his head up like a little kid “thanks” I smiled, guess we are going with no. He relaxed in the chair “why are you over there come here” I said patting the seat next to me with a blanket. He rubbed his hand in his hair before dragging his feet over to me. He sat down eating some chips before leaning back. I threw the cover over us and put my feet on his. It was towards the first sex scene when I decided to record his reaction, I quickly opened snapchat and the scene started at first he was calm and quiet but as soon as the sex started he freaked out, I laughed while recording him as he jumped up trying to shut the tv off “okay let’s not watch that” he nervously laughed as I ended the video. I bawled out in laughter as he sat in the same sofa he sat in the beginning, I got ticked off and decided to confront him.
“Whats wrong with you?” I asked sitting Indian style “what do you mean?” He said avoiding eye contact “there you go again! Stop avoiding eye contact and look at me dammit, I’m your bestfriend” he took a slight breath “that’s the thing….” He chuckled a bit, kinda psychotic if you ask me “what do YOU mean?” I asked furrowing my brows “ that’s all your gonna ever be my best fucking friend” “what are you trying to say?” He took a long breath this time “ I” “you” “I -I.” “Spit it out Nathan!” “I fucking love you” I sat there processing what he just said. “ I fucking love you dammit!….. I love everything about you, your smile, your body, your eyes, the way you bite your cheeks when you get nervous. Every fucking thing” I just looked at him watching his movements. “At first I thought it was a stupid feeling you know like that feeling when I see a fresh bag of weed, I get excited and once it’s gone it’s kinda like oh let’s cop a new bag” he fumbled his hands, I just nodded “but time passed and it wasn’t just a feeling, I found myself falling for you and needing your opinion on everything, I got jealous seeing you on guys that wasn’t me and dammit I found myself yearning for your approval! I put myself in denial, nah it couldn’t be love, it’s just a crush. I told myself sun up to sun down… But then the dreams happened” “dreams?” I asked tilting my head “I mean I’m already in too deep so this isn’t gonna really do shit” he laughed “ a while back I started having these dreams, dreams of us being together and doing other things…. I had dreams I was holding your hand, taking you places and even smoking blunts with you… I also had dreams I was fucking the shit out of you, dreams I was fucking you everywhere, dreams you were moaning and screaming my name, dreams of you not being so innocent and dreams that you would feel some type of way under my touch.” He looked at me looking for a reaction but I couldn’t offer anything “I wanna be able to do shit to you, shit that only we know about, I wanna be able to fuck you whenever and where ever I want to. But I don’t know how you feel and that’s what made me push you away, the more I saw you the more I fell and the more dreams I had. I didn’t know how you felt so why put myself through this if you don’t feel the same?” I leaned back in his chair. I didn’t know how to react, he just laid this all on the table without giving me a heads up. I don’t remember much that happened, I remember getting up and taking everything off except my bra and panties, I remember walking towards him as he looked at me in shock, I remember straddling him, I remember kissing him all over his jaw then moving to his lips. He didn’t know what to do he was shocked, I took both his hands and placed them on my ass, I kissed him hard and at first he didn’t but that changed. I was in control or so I thought. He lifted us up with my legs wrapped around his back, he took me to his room lying me on the bed slightly, he broke the kiss, kissing my jaw then my neck going down my tummy, he stood up removing his shirt and pants. I looked up glancing at how hard he was and knew this was gonna be one hell of a night.
He came back kissing me, he moved from my lips to my neck earning tons of moans, as he continued to suck on my sweet spot he slipped two fingers in my underwear, he teased me at first rubbing circles in my area that felt so amazing. I couldn’t help but moan louder squeezing my legs tighter with every circle he drew, I felt him smirk within my skin as he plunged a finger into me causing me to jerk forward, he plunged the second one into me as I held on to his shoulder wimping with amusement. He pulled me back down looking me in my eyes, watching my reaction and movements as he repeatedly pushed and pulled his fingers in and out slow then fast, I felt my eyes roll to the back of my head as my breaths became unsteady and quick. I pulled him by his neck about a inch away from my face looking him in his eyes, my facial expressions changing as I took breaths in, he smirked and plunged one last time into me sending my body into a mix of emotions, I layed back arching my back and he slowly pulled his fingers out of me. He yanked me by my hair and made me lick my juices off of him. He removed his boxers and I got up to go do my job when he stopped me “this isn’t about me it’s about you tonight” he layed me on my back teasing me tracing circles with his hard on by my entrance “fuck me” I begged and he listened, without any warning he plunged into me causing my back to involuntarily arch. “Fuck” he moaned as he quickened his pace, he leaned down pecking my lips. I removed my bra and he scanned my breasts, he took hold of one while slowing down his pace, after sometime he lifted me up placing my back along a wall. “I’m almost there” he said with a low raspy quick voice, I nodded my head as he entered me once again. Harder and harder he would go looking me straight in the eye to see how he was doing. I couldn’t describe the amount of pleasure I was getting if my life depended on it. I felt my back hit the wall and the silent room being filled with profanity, moans and skin slaps. He yanked my body off the wall placing his hands on my ass lifting me up and down his length fast as I moaned. His hair coming in his face blocking his eyes as he moaned and kissed my neck “I’m gonna cum” I moaned bouncing “together” he said yanking my hair. He took three final thrusts and on the final one my nails pierced his skin as I moaned slight profanities, his hands gripping my ass as he let out a manly moan while releasing inside me. He carried me still on his length and placed me on the bed,I climbed under the blankets as he layed across from me doing the same. We regained our breathing, I layed there thinking about the actions that just took place as he took my hand playing with our nails before saying something “ didn’t know you had that in you lil mama” “theres a lot you don’t know about me” I chuckled “can I be the only one to find out?” He asked “is this you asking me out? Because if so then yes” I said cuddling in his chest, he kissed my forehead and eventually we fell asleep in each other’s arms.
MIND TRICKS PART SIX:http://imaginingbucky.tumblr.com/post/148021699484/mind-tricks-part
MIND TRICKS PART SEVEN:
Being so close to Bucky was making your stomach do flips. The way he was looking at you was completely different than all of the other times before.
He didn’t know what it was about you that made him feel so different. He didn’t have this guard up like he did around the majority of the team. He felt like he could be himself.
Bucky softly rubbed his thumb against your cheek. “Can I ask you something since we’re being completely honest with each other?”
You nodded a little. “Of course.”
“Have you ever erased some of my memories?”
You instantly started worrying that he was going to be upset. He was waiting for your answer and the more you made him wait the more nervous you got.
“It was the other night when you thought your arm malfunctioned. The truth is, Steve and I walked into your room and you weren’t yourself.”
Bucky dropped his hand from your face and took a step back. “You made me think that my arm went haywire.”
“I didn’t want to ever tamper with anyone’s memories here. I just—”
“Wanted to help.” He cut you off.
“That’s the only time. I promise.”
“I believe you.” Bucky said surprising you a bit.
A clap of thunder sounded out and it scared you. You weren’t terrified of thunder, but you hadn’t realized that it was supposed to rain. You looked up and saw that angry storm clouds had drifted overhead blocking the beautiful stars.
“We should get inside.” Bucky suggested.
You agreed and hurried back inside before the storm started. Once the two of you were safely inside, it began to rain.
“I love when it rains.” You said as you stood by the huge glass wall in the common room. You remembered that the last time it rained you were back in the city in your old apartment. It seemed like ages ago.
“I figured you were a sunshine kinda girl.” Bucky teased. You looked to your left and saw him standing closely.
“That’s nice too but, there’s just something about rain that soothes me. It helps me sleep.”
“You have trouble sleeping?”
“Yeah, uh nightmares. They come and go.”
“Looks like we have more in common than we thought.”
“Yeah, I guess we do.” You smiled a little at him which he did too.
More thunder sounded off from a distance snapping you out of your thoughts. “We should continue with the movie.”
Bucky’s smile faltered a little, “Yeah, we should.”
You walked back over to the couch and Bucky followed you. You noticed that he sat even closer to you than before. His knee was touching yours and you could feel your stomach doing flips again.
Bucky started the movie again and it was painfully hard for you to pay attention to it. Thankfully, you had seen it countless times so if he asked you anything about it, you would know the answers.
Unbeknownst to you, Bucky was lost in his own thoughts. He wanted so badly to have some sort of physical contact with you that he felt like he was going to jump out of his skin. It was all getting too much for him.
You could sense the way that he was feeling. Nervousness coursed through his veins.
You reached your hand towards his and laced your fingers with his. Keeping your gaze on the television screen, you refused to look at him out of your own nervousness.
Bucky had a small smile form on his face when you grabbed his hand. He felt at ease and you could feel it too.
The movie ended and you had succeeded into converting Bucky into a Star Wars fan.
“That was really incredible!” Bucky said fangirling for a little bit while you listened on. The both of you spoke of your favorite parts and made plans to watch the other two movies in the original trilogy another night.
“Wow, I didn’t realize how late it was.” You said after looking at the time on your watch. The others still hadn’t come in for the night. You figured that they were having too much of a good time to call it quits.
“Oh yeah. Are you tired?”
You nodded a little, “It has been a long day.”
Bucky let go of your hand and you stood up from the couch and he did too. He turned the television off and you faced him. “Have a good night.”
“You too, (Y/n). Thanks for spending some time with me tonight. I really enjoyed myself.”
You hoped that you weren’t blushing too much. “I had fun too.” You left the common room and went to your room. During your routine that you did every night before bed, you thought about the feeling of Bucky’s hand in yours. As soon as you held his hand, you felt his body at ease. He wasn’t nervous anymore. You didn’t use any of your powers. Your touch calmed him and it made you happy that he had that reaction towards you.
You felt like you were making progress.
As you got into bed, you replayed the night’s events in your head. You felt relieved to tell someone about your past. It was like a weight was lifted off your shoulders.
The rain was picking up outside. You lied on your back and watched as it hit against the skylight on the ceiling. You drifted off watching the rain for a while but was woken up by someone knocking on your door.
You sat up and got out of bed walking towards the door to see who it was. Before even opening the door, you could sense the person’s emotions. They were nervous and scared.
Bucky was standing on the other side of the door.
“Bucky, is everything okay?” You asked him.
“I’m sorry for waking you up. I just- I couldn’t sleep and I didn’t want to be alone.” Bucky told you.
“Come in.” You opened the door wider for him to enter your bedroom. Closing the door, you turned and saw he was standing by the window.
“You wanna know what I do when I can’t sleep?”
He looked at you, “What is that?”
You walked towards your bed and got back under the covers. “Come here.”
Bucky was a little hesitant at first and you could sense it. He walked over to your bed and got under the covers too. You lied down on your back like you previously had done and he did the same.
“I look at the stars and wonder what’s it like up there. You can’t really see them well tonight but they’re beautiful.”
Bucky looked at you while you spoke and thought you were just as beautiful as the stars you were describing.
“I bet they are.” He whispered.
You turned to look at him and saw that he was already looking at you. “Anytime you need to come and look at the stars with me, I’ll be here.”
Bucky understood your offer and smiled a little, “Thank you.”
This time, Bucky was the one to make the first move and grab your hand. You looked back out the skylight and drifted to sleep with Bucky next to you.
“Miss (Y/n)? Miss (Y/n)?”
Your eyes fluttered open to someone calling your name. You glanced around the room and saw no one was there besides Bucky who was still sleeping. Your hands were no longer intertwined.
“Miss (Y/n)?” The voice spoke again and you recognized it was J.A.R.V.I.S.
“Yes?” You answered.
“Dr. Banner is waiting in your office.”
You got out of bed quickly, “Thank you J.A.R.V.I.S.!”
You went to your closet and grabbed some clothes before hurrying to your bathroom. Once your hair was done and your teeth was brushed, you changed into your jeans, white shirt and navy cardigan.
It was probably the fastest time you had ever gotten dressed. You hated having people wait on you. Before you left your bedroom after grabbing some shoes, you looked at Bucky. He seemed so at peace while he slept. You felt well rested and knew that he was the reason.
This is just a stream of what’s on my mind as I lay in bed at 2:41 a.m. I so wanted to write something uplifting about body acceptance and such but everyday something new in the world of racism comes to light on the news. Years ago such wouldn’t happen accept more is being told with the help of social media. I am grateful and happy that social media is a thing now because we wouldn’t have proof of these things that have been happening since we as a race were “freed” from slavery. Tonight as I try to sleep in my tempurpedic bed I am restless and physically aching. Why? Because of what’s happening currently on the campus of Mizzou at the moment. Black students don’t feel safe because white people don’t value us as human beings or even merely respect us enough to let us be. It saddens me that this reaction is still one that we receive when we want better for ourselves from the majority that treat us like animals. It is 2015. Why can a white boy go into a church and kill multiple people and he be treated like a hero? Why do white men and white policemen get off free when they kill us? Why are we called thugs when we are killed? Why when we are assassinated the media goes out of it’s way to demonize us? Why when we are assassinated people try to justify an unjustifiable killing? Why when we say our lives matter we are tone policed by people who aren’t systematically oppressed?
I’m tired of being black in a world that wants nothing more than another dead black body to show on the news at 10.
I’m tired of being black in a world where my opinions are seen as rants but when a caucasian simplifies it they are praised and considered “tolerant.”
I hate being black in a world where people have to be “tolerant” towards my skin color.
I’m tired of being black in a world where people in power have to train to be accepting towards my skin tone.
I’m tired of being black in a world where I’m immediately and passive aggressively shut down when I feel my life is in danger.
I’m tired of being black in a world where I have to be cautious of my existence when I’m in certain areas of America.
I’m tired of being black in America where I’m called racist or shunned for speaking up about racism.
I’m tired of being black in America where white people would rather me shut up than disrupt their comfort.
I’m tired of being black in a world where I’m called an keyboard activist when I talk about systematic and social racism.
I’m tired of being black in a world where blackness isn’t black anymore.
I’m tired of being black in a world where blackness equals death.
I’m tired of being black in a world where I can’t sleep at night because I have to worry about my brother, mother, aunt, cousins, uncles, grandmother, friends and etc.
I’m tired of being black in a world where I can’t sleep at night because my fellow black peers don’t feel safe on their campus.
So I thought to myself – for my birthday [March 7th], what do I want to make a post about? I had a few ideas, but when it came down to it, I just wanted to make a post featuring one of my faves, A-tom of Topp Dogg :-)