i have a feeling that this is a reference that i'm not understanding

i have thought long and hard about what demons would be to people with mental illness; we who are used to referring to our own brains as filled with darkness. 

the girl who is in the haunted room and loves it. it’s quiet there, where others won’t tread. they leave her alone to paint and to read and they ask her: doesn’t it scare you to be in such a sad place? and she says - is it sad? it doesn’t feel different than usual here. 

the boys who go to kiss each other in hotel surrounded in snow. when the voices start one teaches the other the art of ignoring hallucinations; something he had to force down since his diagnosis at seventeen. and the voices scream but there is loud music and his lips are candy.

a demon in the shadows, but paranoia isn’t unfamiliar to the one it stalks. the teenager just closes their eyes and says that tomorrow will come. and who cares if it doesn’t, really, which sort of takes the sting out of the threat they’re facing.

her ocd means she never leaves the oven accidentally on. when weird things happen she takes control of them. the last time she had pasta for dinner she summoned the antichrist that’s living in her attic. the next day she has scrubbed every corner with holy water except for a little corner that she fills with pasta. if it’s contained, she knows where it is. the salt line around it never slips.

the ghost tells him to die already, but that’s nothing new, so he just turns on parks and rec a lot louder than usual. 

it would be nice, i think. to see ourselves as heroes for once. for the skills we learned while dealing with this to become skills we could use in the real life. these internal strengths that rarely are spoken of; the quiet victories of lives who learn how to fashion normal from nothing. the thing is that the illness isn’t pretty but the people who go through it are incredible humans.

the strength of someone who is used to whiplash, who falls from mania into a sudden depression they can’t shake - their dogged promise to themselves that it’s going to be okay. the strength to eat when one’s body wants to deplete itself. the strength of someone who is constantly talking down suicide beating the demon because, no thank you, i’m not going to go to a bridge and jump, it’s cold outside. 

because we are used to the fight. to the darkness close. to living with demons. and we are used to saying “no”.

anonymous asked:

Companions and advisors reacting to teenquisitor coming out as trans to them?

Cassandra: She’s a little surprised and confused, but if this makes them feel more secure in who they are, she will do her best to support them. She does ask how they’d like to be referred, and respects their wishes.

Blackwall: “Oh, so you’re like Krem, then? Alright.” He shrugs. “That’s fine with me. Do what feels right for you.”

Iron Bull: He smiles at them reassuringly and nods. “Thanks for letting me know. What pronouns do you want me to use, and do you want me to keep referring to you by your current name or by a different one? Also, let me know if anyone gives you shit. I’ll kick their ass for you.”

Sera: She’s befuddled, and asks a bit of an inappropriate question at first, but she sees it upsets the Herald, so she apologizes and tries her best to be understanding. She pokes around, later, trying to learn more about it, but eventually decides that, shit, if that’s how the Herald feels, that’s how they feel, and she’ll respect it.

Cole: He knew how they felt prior to coming out, and he encouraged them to start transitioning. “You are you. You shouldn’t have to hide it. The parts don’t define you. You define you.” He had always referred to them by their preferred pronouns prior to coming out, much to the befuddlement of the others– save for Bull and Solas, who started to catch on.

Varric: He offers a sympathetic smile. “That’s fine with me, kid. Thanks for telling me. Go ahead and tell me what pronouns you want, and do you still want me to call you by your name? Your nickname? Do you want me to change either? Oh, and if you need anything to help you transition, you let me know, and I’ll get it for you at no charge.”

Solas: He figured it out when Cole called the Herald, consistently, by what pronouns fit them, even prior to coming out. He gently tried to prod them a few times about it, but eventually decided to let them decide what to do on their own. When they finally come out, he shrugs. “I knew as soon as Cole started calling you by your preferred pronouns. It is not an issue to me, and I hope you feel more comfortable with yourself now.”

Vivienne: She takes the knowledge in stride, and merely asks what pronouns they’d prefer and what name they’d like to be referred to. She also asks if they’d like magical assistance to transition, and will either help or drop the subject, depending on the Herald’s response. If she overhears anyone saying anything remotely transphobic about the Herald, she will shut them down and thoroughly humiliate them.

Dorian: “Oh! Well, that makes sense.” He smiles kindly at them. “Good for you. You should never have to pretend to be someone you’re not, though I know very well it’s easier said than done… good on you. You should never live a lie. If you need any assistance with transitioning, I will try to help to the best of my abilities. Oh, and do tell me what pronouns you’d prefer. I will do my best to accommodate you.”

Josephine: She’s surprised, of course, but she’s respectful about it– she just asks to know their preferred pronouns and preferred name, so as to address them correctly, and to write their name and pronouns correctly when writing letters about them. The first few times she does it, she receives a few confused and sometimes transphobic letters in response– which she responds to with a very stern lecture.

Leliana: She’s not surprised at all. She just calmly thanks them for telling her, and reassures them that nothing has changed between them, and that she won’t tolerate anyone who treats them with disrespect due to their gender. To the Herald’s surprise, she immediately starts using the correct pronouns, but they never ask how she knew– the Spymaster seems to know all.

Cullen: He’s not sure at all how to handle it, but he tries to be understanding and respectful. He reassures them that it’s fine by him. He asks what pronouns to use and leaves it to them. He’s just glad they’ll feel more secure in their identity, and he vows to support them.

Why I appreciate Alex Danvers, The CW, and the writers

I know a lot of people have already shared personal reasons as to why Alex’s new storyline is so special, and I’ve never really gotten too personal here. But I feel like sharing. Excuse the random thoughts. *shrugs*

To begin, it’s so hard to be gay in the South. I mean, there aren’t a lot of places in the US where it’s easy to be gay, but it’s pretty hard in the South. Especially where I grew up in Louisiana. I remember not having any frame of reference for understanding my feelings growing up as a teenager in southern Louisiana in the 1990’s. No one talked about being gay, or said the word gay, unless it was negative. And there most definitely weren’t any “of the gays” living in a one hundred mile radius. At least, not that anyone knew or acknowledged. I had no one to talk to about how I felt. As a result, I had no idea what was happening inside me.

By the time I got away from home and went to college, only a short trip away in northern Louisiana, I knew I was different. But I like I said, I had no frame of reference for what it meant to be gay.

So when Alex Danvers talks about being so wrapped up in the other aspects of her life and that dating was the only thing that never worked out, I totally got that. Everything made sense except for romantic relationships. When she said she thought that maybe she just wasn’t built for intimacy, I literally teared up.

I couldn’t even say the words out loud until I was in my mid twenties. And when I did finally say the words, “I’m gay,” I was the only one in the room, and I still felt the need to whisper it.

I’ve made a lot of big life decisions that go against my sexual identity. I just kept hoping and hoping that something inside of me would change. Or that the right man could change me. Now, I have a life partner who deals with my baggage daily, hourly, and is so gracious. And I have two fantastic kids that I wouldn’t have if it weren’t for those decisions. I’m happy. Unlike so many others. But it’s still a difficult road. My situation is unusual.

But seeing the out pouring of support for Alex’s story helps me so much. It helps me see that others have felt the same way. Unable to name what was happening inside them for whatever spectrum of reasons. Thinking you aren’t made to be in love, or thinking that your brain just isn’t wired that way, many of us have been there. Some of us are still there.

But then Alex said that maybe it was “the other thing.” I get that. I get “the other thing.” The unnameable thing that terrifies you if you think about it too long. I’m still making peace with “the other thing.”

Maybe one day I can be free to say it out in the world. Maybe not. I’m grateful for my family. I have a great life and I certainly recognize that and the happiness it brings sustains me.

But it’s still hard. And I really appreciate Supergirl and the CW and the writers and Chyler for the way they are handling this story.

mockingbird-22  asked:

Thinking about de-aged Len, do you reckon if he ever did act on his feelings for a guy, he would be totally against something like anal sex? or at least very careful about condoms etc? He's seen all this stuff in the media and he'd still have fear over it all i imagine. I saw a post before sort of exploring this because of the time period he grew up in and the risks of unsafe anal sex etc.

The post you’re referring to is probably this thread (there’s a few different versions of that threat, mind you), which was a strong influence for how I’m writing the de-aged AU :) 

Long so under cut.

Keep reading

i have been writing these as they are requested!

done: disagreements | sex | miscellaneous
not done: family | work | home

here is affection & sleeping!

Affection:

Who likes to cuddle? jesus usually initiates it, but daryl likes to pretend that he doesn’t enjoy it. though no matter what, every night they sleep on their separate ends of the bed, they wake up in each others arms. daryl is very cuddly when he’s sleeping. he just gravitates to the warmest thing and snuggles up against it, and this happens to be jesus.
Who is the little spoon? daryl. he likes the feeling of jesus being his support and holding him.
Who gets naughty in the most inappropriate of places? jesus does and yes everything has to have a sexual reference, and daryl just quietly chuckles, cause we all know daryl likes a good sexual reference sometimes and he’s got plenty of them thanks to merle.
Who struggles to keep their hands to themself?  daryl. he’s never had someone he wanted to touch so much, and he doesn’t understand how jesus can be so cool about it. but jesus just knows the appropriate moments. he gets his playful groping in as much possible.
How long can they cuddle until one becomes uncomfortable? they’ve become so comfortable with eachother that it’s never a problem, they don’t even think about it until someone else enters the room and then daryl gets kinda embarrassed so he moves away
Who gives the most kisses? jesus kisses daryl whenever he gets the chance. he likes kissing his cheek in front of people because daryl has the cutest embarrassed face when he’s not angry.
What is their favourite non-sexual activity? hunting & tracking together, it’s also usually when daryl does a lot of talking and opening up to jesus. jesus just asks simple questions like, ‘where’d you get your crossbow?’ or ‘who taught you to hunt?’ he’s learned a lot about daryl while going out and hunting with him.
Where is their favourite place to cuddle? anywhere quiet and away from people. sometimes they’ll sit outside when it’s night and just stare up at the sky
Who is more likely to playfully grope the other? jesus. he grabs ass, crotch, chest, arms, anywhere actually.
How often do they get time to themselves? it’s rare. so they cherish it. it’s mostly when they’re about to sleep.

Sleeping:

Who snores? both do at some occasions, like when they get sick. jesus gets a little self concious about how loud he snores when his nose is stuffed up and he can only breathe through his mouth and he keeps drooling on daryl.
If both do, who snores the loudest? jesus. daryl one time woke him up over it and he got kinda embarrassed and it was weird for daryl to see him like that, so he never brought it up again, he just kinda pinches his nose or moves him a little if he wakes up to him snoring
Do they share a bed or sleep separately? most the time they sleep together, but jesus still has to go to hilltop, so they are sometimes left alone. those nights are so cold, even on the warmest days.
If they sleep together, do they cozy up together or lay far apart? jesus snuggles up to daryls back, and daryl lets him lay there, though things change over night and it’s usually daryl who is snuggled close to jesus in the morning.
Who talks in their sleep? daryl does. he sometimes says things about his past, and merle, jesus always wants to ask him about it, but leaves it alone. he figures that daryl will open up more one day. he gets a little upset knowing that there’s still so much he doesn’t know, and wonders if daryl will ever open up to him more.
What do they wear to bed? the clothes on their backs. which sometimes end up on the floor or in the bed somewhere
Are either of your muses insomniacs? it’s hard for them both to get to sleep. it’s easier when they have each other.
Can sleeping pills be found by the bedside? no. they have to be alert, so they can’t have something like that in their system.
Do they wrap their limbs around each other or just lay side by side? they go to bed with like a hand on each other and wake up wrapped in each other and the blankets are on the floor and yeah 
Who wakes up with bed hair? both. daryl doesn’t care, but jesus loves to keep his hair tamed and he wasn’t happy when daryl woke him up laughing once, because his hair made him look like some sort of wild man.
Who wakes up first? depends on the night. daryl usually does though.
Who prepares breakfast in bed for the other? jesus does when he wakes up first. daryl sometimes asks carol if she’ll help him learn a recipe or something cause denise only wants to make oatmeal in the morning, and he just wants to surprise jesus with something he made for once, and carol kinda laughs and thinks it’s cute that he wants to do something sweet for him.
What is their favourite sleeping position? they usually fall asleep spooning or back to back, but like they never have a default sleeping position, especially when they wake up and one of their heads are at the bottom of the bed.
Who hogs the sheets? it’s a war at night and the sheets are probably going to rip
Do they set an alarm each night? no. they count on whoever wakes up first to be the alarm
Can a television be found in their bedroom? there is but they don’t use it.
Who has nightmares? both. no one every talks about them because they don’t know how  to approach it. jesus doesn’t want to force him to open up and daryl doesn’t know to bring it up.
Who has ridiculous dreams? jesus is the only one who talks about his. daryl one time talked about his which was about how a cow broke in and stole his crossbow and tried to take leadership of alexandria. that’s what happens when you fall asleep thinking your getting a cow soon.
Who sprawls out and takes up most of the bed? jesus does haha, he takes over the entire bed and daryl just adjusts to whatever position jesus is in.
Who makes the bed? jesus does! everything is always so neat and tidy in the hilltop because gregory is obsessed with it, so he now has a habit of waking up and making the bed, whereas he used to just leave the blankets as is. he also has to make the bed before they go to sleep. (if it got messed up during the day)
What time is bed time? whenever they decide to fall asleep.
Any routines/rituals before bed? jesus has to brush his teeth and his hair before he goes to bed.
Who’s the grumpiest when they wake up? whoever has to wake up after the other. also it depends on the method they are woken up. sometimes it takes a nice splash of water to the face for daryl to wake up. and he’s not very happy about it.

anonymous asked:

there's one thing that hás been bugging me a lot lately re: sam&dean being vessels and i wanted to ask your thoughts. so, i know the spn narrative is very biased and my bitter sam!girl ass has been thinking a lot about how Dean was refered to as being "The" vessel, and yet there's never been proof of that? I feel like it makes more sense if Sam's actually "The" vessel. The idea of Dean being "The" vessel bc of however ~imaculate~ he's portrayed as is kinda lame 2 me. Am i crazy for thinking that

Hi anon, I’m not sure I understand the question. Are you talking about the S5 storyline about Sam and Dean being the vessels for Lucifer and Michael respectively? Because they were both vessels in that instance, designed for different angels. I don’t think it was really to do with perfection or immaculate…ness (immacularity?!!) so much as having been bred through generations to be suitable angel housing, and there wasn’t really any doubt about either of them being ‘the vessel’ in that instance. But maybe you’re referring to something else??

Sorry not to be more helpful!

thelhix  asked:

I have a Q, how do we distinguish allegory from blatant hate speech? Technically cant any author claim allegory on any circumstantial societal aspect in their work? How do we know if its malicious or productive, or if its intent is insight or bigotry in that case

Ok, I had a bit of an answer typed up, but in the end i feel better pointing people toward reviews that address this question, like this one on goodreads by Shenwei (i assume this question is in reference to the ruckus about the black witch?), which is much more concise and forceful and relevant, rather than presenting everyone with an overly long ramble of my thoughts (the most relevant part of the review to this question begins with “Even assuming this book uses fictional races as an allegory for POC, it’s a horribly constructed and executed allegory…” )

but like, not to completely not answer myself, and still assuming the question is focused on the black witch: as i understand it (because i haven’t and won’t read the book) one of the worst ways in which tbw reveals itself as malicious rather than productive is the way the book presents the main character’s racism as justifiable at the time that she has those thoughts, even if she supposedly later learns she is wrong. perhaps it’s intent was to be insightful (has the author addressed any of this? commented at all? i’d have to check), but good intent can simply be bigoted anyway

okay but it means so much to me that Harry corrected that one fan without hesitation or making a big deal. He understands bisexuality (and bi erasure) , it’s significance to Magnus as a character and to us as lgBt fans and honestly it’s so refreshing to see actors use the word bisexual? Like we get attracted to women and men or both genders. We get he’s gay or he’s fluid but how rarely do we see actors and characters use the word bisexual in reference to identify?? I’m just so happy Harry understand and I love him

Deeper Thoughts on The Vice Quadrant

Listening to Vice Quadrant (again, still, I know, I know) and I was thinking about the fate of The Astronaut (who really needs a name).

The Vice Quadrant is a Cosmic Horror story, and that kind of thing is rarely neat and simple. We have Cosmica, who is apparently innocent, and doesn’t understand what she’s doing, Commander Cosmo, who can’t handle the idea of his power making him immortal (and the album references him attempting suicide, wow), and The Astronaut, who is driven mad with the power Cosmica shares with him. And we have the Necrostar, which is actively malicious.

I feel it’s worth noting here that Cosmo’s song says his powers come from his Id. Outdated (but fitting) philosophies aside, that means it comes from his base desires, not his conscious. I think that’s important, because every being in the album appears to be driven by needs and desires (their vices perhaps? *bad-um tish*)

But back to the Astronaut. Stripped of the power, he feels remorse. He understands that he was doing things on pure desire, and that meant he wasn’t entirely aware of what he was doing. Not absolution, he’s still a mass murderer. He understands, and knows he has to die.

Except that I don’t think he does.

Yes, it is possible he dies, and the Necrostar possesses his corpse. It probably picked up the trail of energy and found a convenient vessel. But, the Necrostar mentions two things that I think are important. The first is So this is PAIN!, and the second is with my human mind now, it just feels RIGHT!

I think The Astronaut is still in there, trapped in that last moment, in all that pain and remorse, forced to see what the Necrostar will do with his body, seeing more and more of what the power that corrupted him will do to others, until there is nothing left of the human there used to be.

{{ 40-minute sketch of Teo who seems to understand how I’m feeling right now XD }}

My two cents...

So, Markiplier drama, eh?

Seems like this fandom really can’t go more than a month without drama of some sort and at this point it feels like Mark is fueling it more than he’s dissipating it.

I don’t get this one if I’m honest. I don’t understand why so many people took offense to him referring to specific parts of the fandom as ‘tumblrinas’, but, hey, maybe that’s just me. (I mean, heck, I made a jokey gifset of it so bleh)
Maybe Mark just shouldn’t have responded to it at all, but then again we don’t know how many asks he was getting about it. Could he have responded better/more politely? Well, yes. That’s the long and short of it. Were people on tumblr overreacting? Also yes, let’s be honest here.

I made this gif only yesterday. The video it was from was put up only yesterday. Do I still believe he means this? Well yes. I think he does care. I don’t know what goes on in his head and I don’t really care to, but I think he still believes in his message of spreading joy and doing good.

At the end of the day this is a man who makes a living being nerdy and playing video games on youtube. He is not the second coming of Christ and he doesn’t need to be placed on a pillar as an example of human perfection because lord knows he’s not that and if you put him on that sort of pedastal you are setting yourself up for a world of dissappointment.

As for me, well I’m just going to carry on as normal, giffing random parts of his videos because they make me laugh (and I may do more random edits because that was fun last time). I’m sad to see some blogs that I really enjoy going, but that’s their perogative and I’m not going to judge them for it.

Cute Story... (dammit Hiddleston...)

This is a sweet little true story about a sweet darling doll of a lady, who as of today, becomes one of us… Hiddlestoner, Slore, (insert appropriate description)… yes… down the rabbit hole… join us in hell, we have cook-.. no, we have liquor and cookies… sweetest 92 yo I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing… I will refer to her as Pansy, because, well… that’s her name… lol… the most important aspect to understand is that Pansy is very proper, very old school, etiquette and manners rule, feelings are withheld, well read but doesn’t flaunt it… never in the years I’ve known Pansy, has she ever uttered a foul word about anyone, never a swear, never even a harsh tone… the woman has amazing ability of never letting anything uncouth leave her lips… basically, my opposite with regards to the potty mouth, lol!! So… I’m having a visit with Pansy today… after a nice treat of homemade cookies and lemonade, she asked me the strangest question… “Sweetheart, tell me what you know about this celebrity, Tom Hiddleston…” and at this point, I’m internally chastising myself because I’m gonna let the cat out of the bag, she’s going to find out how insane I actually am… “Alright, Ms. Pansy… What do you want to know?”… “Oh, sweetie, just whatever you know… I just like to keep up to date about people I read about and I read an article about a Hank Williams movie and Tom Hiddleston was interviewed and he peaked my interest with all he did to prepare for the movie. Is it true that he is from England?” ok… now I’m about to flip out!! what do I tell her about first… ok, let’s keep this professional and not go all sex craved fangirl in front of Ms. Pansy… soooooo, I start with “yes, Ms. Pansy, he’s from London…” and then I very lightly touch on his other roles and Shakespeare and UNICEF and … ok I didn’t go completely batshit and talk about everything (Hiddlesbum, floof, freckles, eyes, lip licking, tight pants… sorry, getting off track here…)and let Ms. Pansy know I was completely enamored by Mr. Tom… ugh… however… now comes the best thing I have ever heard this beautiful tiny goddess utter…. “Well, I wouldn’t kick him out of bed for eating crackers…” (insert mic drop here)😱 my sweet Ms. Pansy… welcome to the hell that is Mr. Thomas William Hiddleston… it would bid you well to take up drinking… *sigh* … the mighty fall… well played Mr. Hiddleston… well played…

Originally posted by lovably-unlovable

"I've Had Lifetimes" || Q & James (tuxedocladkiller)

 He never remembered.

And yet Q remembered everything. Every time. It had scared him as a child, these dreams and memories that he didn’t feel were his but yet they were so familiar. As he had grown older though he had begun to understand them more and he had taken to writing down any new memories that sprung up. He had a notebook full of them, carefully categorised into each lifetime for easy reference and because he didn’t want to forget even a moment.

There had been so many lives. So many eras, so much that he knew through these lifetimes that he did not dare share. Sometimes they met. Sometimes it was only brief, a passing perhaps once in the street, others they knew each other well. Their relationship varied each time. And on a few occasions they never met at all. He had told him once, in one of their previous lives.

“You’ve had years. I’ve had lifetimes.”

Some things remained constant, or almost constant. One of those was the comet shaped birthmark on Q’s lower back. He didn’t know if it held any importance and sometimes he questioned it but he had never found anything. Another near constant was that he always died last. Nearly. In the last life- it had been a short one but the one most crystal clear in his memory- he had reversed that trend. He had been the first to die, and by his own hand. But he had made reference to their many lives in his last letter to James, then known as Sixsmith:

 "I don’t believe it was a fluke that I saw you first. I believe there is another world waiting for us, Sixsmith. A better world, and I’ll be waiting for you there. I believe we do not stay dead long. Find me beneath the Corsican stars, where we first kissed. Yours eternally, R.F.”

The other constant was that James never remembered.

Not at first anyway. After a while, he would remember snippets and with some coaching, he remembered more and more. 

He wondered how much James remembered this time.

ladyflorence1215  asked:

Hi, I don't know if you've being asked before but how do you feel Petyr Baelish's character have being adapted from books to show? How good has it been? If bad, how would you improve it? Thank you.

By the way, in my ask I’m only referring to Petyr Baelish’s character and not his good actor. How do you think D & D handled his character? Do you think they have done justice to the way they adapted PB? Thanks

I think it started out very well; their handling of the character in the first season (and, with caveats, the second) was a good adaptation. My main complaint for seasons two and three revolves around Ros, a show-only character. Shoehorning her into Baelish’s arc just wound up making him unbelievably stupid (why are you putting this woman in charge of your personal papers, especially ones that might suggest you intend to abscond with a political captive?!) and just chalked up another gruesome but hollow death. (As a side note, I have absolutely no objections to violence in storytelling, but it should make me feel something about the characters involved.) 

Also, if one isn’t looking at the effects on future seasons, I can see how substituting Petyr for Ser Dontos as a liaison for Sansa makes sense. But remember in the show Olenna knows Baelish had designs on Sansa: Varys goes to her after Ros rats out her boss, which is how the short-lived possibility of marrying Loras comes about. To keep her out of Petyr’s hands. Not as a power-play initiated by House Tyrell against the Lannisters (and whomever else might want to have Winterfell for themselves). But Olenna and Petyr still engineer the PW, which begs the question of why she has never once voiced suspicions that Petyr is somehow connected to Sansa’s disappearance. Olenna’s a sharp lady, surely those circumstances look mighty suspicious.

Their handling of the Moon Door aftermath was just atrocious; Sophie and Aidan acted it out very well, but no way are you selling me on the idea that one of the series’ cleverest men isn’t stage managing that better. Then you have to consider D&D’s insistence on giving Sansa the role of Jeyne Poole for a season. That whole fiasco requires Baelish to genuinely be an utter moron for no reason that actually enhances the story. 

And sadly, that’s where we’re at with his character now. A “master schemer” who is both brilliant and idiotic at the convenience of whatever D&D require that week. It’s sloppy, it’s stale, and it’s not a reflection of the great character GRRM’s fleshed out.

one day people will use your pronouns and your name!!! you won’t have to frequently feel that sudden pang in your chest when your mom calls you her daughter or when your best friend refers to you as “she” in front of his parents because they wouldn’t understand. your voice will drop; your skin will hug your bones in all the right places; your hair will grow and so will your confidence. it will be okay. you will be okay. you’ll be able to breathe again because you finally saved up enough money for top surgery, and your binder will no longer bruise your shoulders and pinch your spine. you will find home in someplace far away from all of these people who never really wanted you anyway and you will make yourself better and you will forgive. people will fall in love with you because, despite what you’ve been told, you’re not all that bad. you’re worth more than what you’re going through. i know it hurts. i know, more often than not, you wish you were dead; i know, i know, i know, but you will stay alive. you will do it for you. transition is not a crime; everyone does it. please, let yourself grow.

2

Everyone has probably seen these photos by now, but here have my rambling thoughts on them and the upcoming wedding:

- First off, that dress is gorgeous. I thought they’d go the traditional white wedding dress route, seeing as we only have Ada and Freddie’s wedding to refer back to, but I actually do love this dress. I’m not a huge fan of the heavy purple veil but I understand that the mystery over Tommy’s wife for some reason still needs to be maintained (even though we all know that it is Grace). Still, the dress is absolutely beautiful and Annabelle is wearing the hell out of it, much like she does pretty much anything. I’m way too eager to watch the actual ep and see the moment her veil is lifted and her face is revealed and her and Tommy smile at each other and exchange vows!

- The purple and white bouquet she’s carrying is beautiful too, and I love that Tommy and Arthur’s boutonnière’s match the white flowers in Grace’s bouquet. Best bridal party ever! Also, I love that Arthur is Tommy’s best man #shelbybrothersfeels

-  Fun fact - if you zoom in, you can see some light hairs escaping the veil ;)

-  Also, the mere fact that the bride is being walked down the aisle by, according to both Reddit and the Peaky Blinders tag on here, a member of the Irish Guard is so very telling, and a sneaky way for the BBC to tell us her identity without completely destroying the mystery. At first, I was like oh okay Grace is being walked down the aisle by an Irish Guard because she’s Irish, that makes sense, good one BBC #graceshelby

- Now, I’m kicking myself because although her father (and brother? I don’t really remember the specifics, whoops sorry Grace) is dead, that doesn’t mean every single male relative Grace has are also dead. And not only the man a member of the Irish Guard (which, seeing as Grace’s father was a member of the police further shows us Grace’s police/military family history) and thus Irish just like Grace, he’s also blond. Who does Tommy love that is both Irish and blonde, just like the man (relative) giving her away? Five letters, starts with G.

- Tommy, you couldn’t manage to crack a smile? It’s your freaking wedding day! Just kidding, love you.

- Arthur’s wearing a wedding ring, which means either two years have passed since the s2 finale – which, makes no sense because there’s no way Tommy would not be marrying Grace ASAP, seeing as she’s carrying his child, even if her husband did present a massive problem in terms of getting the divorce. Although I’m certain that there is no way Grace’s husband won’t grant her a divorce as soon as he finds out she’s in love with another man and carrying that other man’s child, a little bit of roughing up thanks to the Peaky Blinders would’ve sorted him out ;) – or, which is probably more likely to occur, he’s gone and gotten married before Tommy can, which saddens me a little because I would have liked to see him and his wife interacting before she magically is introduced as Arthur’s wife. Oh well. At least this bodes well for a happier Arthur.

- Grace isn’t showing yet here, so either Tommy put all his effort into securing a divorce quickly and having this wedding before she does start to show, or the cut of her dress/her veil/her bouquet is obscuring any bump. Or, maybe the BBC simply didn’t get a fake bump at all, seeing as we’ve probably only going to see the wedding and then have a two year jump like usual.

These photos have done nothing but fan my enthusiasm for May 5th to hurry the hell up so I can watch Tommy and Grace become Mr. and Mrs. Shelby at last.

OKAY SO IM VERY EMOTIONAL RIGHT NOW OVER THAT VIDEO AND ALSO HOW LOVELY THE SENTIMENT OF THOSE LYRICS ARE AND I FEEL I NEED TO CATCH A FUCKING BREATH BEFORE I START DELVING INTO THEORIES BUT IT FITS SO WELL WITH THE SHIT I THINK WENT DOWN THAT I HAVE TO JUST GET THIS OUT OF MY SYSTEM OKAY

Like I’ve been saying forever about Namjoon representing the gap between life and death and Tae acting as a trigger for the downfall of the group but listen okay I’m 99% sure that what’s represented in that video is Purgatory.

The ethereal lighting, the fact that Jimin’s hair is still wet (after drowning himself), the idea of being trapped. The references to Nirvana and Peter Pan and staying young throughout the entire series. The boys all died/killed themselves in various ways because they didn’t want to grow up without their friend. They didn’t want to grow old and have to deal with being adult’s and having responsibilities. They didn’t want to have to face the consequences of alcohol and drugs and all that shit, and so slowly the group fell apart and they all died in one way or another, in the hopes that they could stay young forever in the afterlife.

But the problem is they never got closure in life (Tae never got closure over his dad, various fall outs within the group etc.) so they were trapped in Purgatory until they dealt with it all.

I think that’s what the videos about, why there’s lots of little flashbacks in it, and them trying to escape the maze, because they’re all fighting to escape Purgatory, but then they realise they have to deal with what’s happened in order to move on together to the afterlife.