I do not like being presented with such nice things, such nice people, such nice opportunities and not be able to appreciate them just because somehow I always feel that something’s missing. I don’t want to keep thinking about what I’ve been missing when I already have an awfully nice lot. I have been living better than half of the world, never starved nor beaten nor bruised. And yet I am sad. I do not want to be but I am. Because I’ve been given the things I need to live but I’ve been missing the things I need to feel alive.
Sorry for any grammatical errors. I haven’t edited it yet so I’m sorry in advance lolll.But this is something very personal that I wrote today and hopefully someone else could relate.
I was going through my memory box today and a lot of stuff that involved you came up. It brought me back to the good times and I almost texted you but then I remembered that you’re just a stranger now. It’s been a couple months since we last talked. Crazy huh? How in just a year we went from being inseperable to complete strangers. If someone had asked us a year or two ago if we could see our life without each other in it, we would have laughed and said no; Now here we are.
I would be lying if I said I haven’t thought about you or that I didn’t miss you. I do miss you, a lot. So much has happened since we last talked, and I wish I could share it all with you. There has been times where I picked up my phone to text you but then I would remember you’re not that person anymore; And it’s sad because for the longest time it seemed like you’d be that person who stayed in my life for a long while. I miss being close with your family and being able to call your home my home as well. I miss having the privilege of saying I had more than one family. It’s crazy how much can change in a short amount of time.
I hope you don’t hate me for walking away when I did. I hope one day you understand that I had to or else we would have never known just how toxic our friendship had been. There is quite a few things I know I could have done better and shouldn’t have done, same goes for you. We are both to blame for our friendship being as unhealthy as it was. Though it was so unhealthy, we shared a lot of great memories and I’d like to think it was equally good as it was bad.
I’m sorry. I’m sorry we’re not best friends anymore and I’m sorry I had to be the one to walk away. I’m sorry for any pain I caused. I’m sorry I couldn’t be your person anymore. I’m sorry we couldn’t do everything we wanted to. I’m sorry I tried to blame you for our friendship ending. I’m sorry I tried to hate you because damn did I try. I tried so hard and for awhile it worked because hating you and being mad at you was easier than missing you. But I realize that I could never hate you, no matter how mad I am about what happened. I’m sorry this is how it had to end for us, but that’s life for you. Not everything goes the way it should or how you want it to.
But I would like to thank you. Thank you for being my person for as long as you were. Thank you for being patient with me while I learned how to trust another person. Thank you for the memories I will never forget. Thank you for caring enough to break through the walls I had worked so hard to build over the years. Thank you for being the person I could run to for everything and anything. Thank you for being the person I could count on. Thank you for being the person I could confide in without the fear of judgement. Thank you for teaching me how to love and be loved. Thank you for showing me that I can still trust others and be trusted. Thank you for proving to me that people come into our lives for a reason and though they may not stay, the lessons learned are a blessing.
I would like to say I can see us being friends again in the future but I’d only be spitting out false hope. It would never be the same and if I happen to see you one day, I’ll smile and walk away. My heart will break a little and all our memories will hit me like a train but I’ll feel grateful for the time we did have together. Some people aren’t meant to stay in your life forever and unfortunately I learned you are one of those people. They say some people only come into your life to teach you a lesson and leave, but the most important people leave a mark. Well you left a mark and I am thankful for you coming into my life when you did.
I know you may never see this but I needed to get it off my chest. There were a lot of words unsaid and a lot of words I wish I could have said. I guess I’m writing this to get a small sense of closure for myself.
I hope you and your family are doing well. I hope you get everything you want and more in the life you chose for yourself.
I know you probably won't answer this but I just wanted to say that you have helped me through some dark times, that I'm still in. Your videos have given me common ground to make friends, advice that I'm not sure I'll ever need, and good guide on what not to do and laughs when I'm feeling down. Youtube might not always been seen as a real or important job, but it really is. Thanks for doing it, and most of all, thanks for being you.
D: honestly, i have a lot of self-doubt and miscellaneous crippling self-esteem issues and i’m very cynical and tend to base everything around what the critics think. being told i have a positive influence on someone elses life means so much more to me than any kind of compliment. i’m not perfect and i don’t think i’m a big deal but seeing people say they’ve made friends through our videos or just smiled on a bad day is what keeps me going. i love you all and appreciate you all and now tumblr are saying it’s time to leave their office so this answer can’t be more articulate than this ramble as i type it.
And on the one day I needed you, really needed you, you aren’t there. After days of complete torture and hurt, I expect to see you standing at my door, ready to make it better like you always do. But you weren’t. The blame can’t entirely be on you, though. I can’t say that. I surely had a lot more faith in you than I should have. So I will close the door and walk away, maybe we will meet again another day.
So I was wondering how Credence will turn out after what happened in Fantastic Beasts, and my personal conclusion : Soft!Credence Barebone.
Credence who wears lots of knitted jumpers and socks cause he’s been cold for so long he needs the heavy clothes
Credence who lets nifflers and kneazles and even occamies sleep in his bed even though they shouldn’t be allowed there and excuses them by saying he was cold and they brought warmth
Credence who gets all smiles and soft voice around children and Newt’s creatures and gets lots of respect for that
Credence who learns about Obscurus and helps fellow Obscurials to control their powers
Credence who can’t bake or brew potions cause it requires too much precision and the risks of messing it up give him anxiety, but who excels in charms and at decorating cakes cause you can re-try taht as many times as you need
Credence who learns all sorts of spells, but is best at the most practical ones
Credence who falls alseep in front of the fireplace and who gets levitated to his bed
Credence who talks through his sleepless nights with Queenie or Newt, or who just goes out and help Jacob at the bakery since he starts working at 4 am
Credence who likes to hold hands with his friends and steal their clothes
Just, soft!Credence who is given all the space and freedom and love he needs and who heals at his own pace and who definitely never becomes a villain overcome with anger and betrayal
Shawn Jackson and Hasse Bernfield, better known as Whit and Slug. These two are Nana’s adopted grandsons, and certified little shits– ESPECIALLY Whit. Both of them have spent most of their lives on the planet too.
Whit came to the planet with their (rich) family to live in one of the colony. They got their nickname because of the old Whitworth rifle they carried around: it’s a family heirloom and they would always brag that they would inherit it and use it one day. They’re kind of annoying, 110% sass, and a joker. It was them who told Nana all that dumb shit that she totally believes.
Slug’s parents died in a mining accident and he became a bit of an outcast in the community. He wouldn’t let anyone near him and ended up bullying kids out of food and money. When he tried to steal from Whit, an outcast in their own right, they became fast friends. He got his name from his weapon of choice: the shotgun.
the blog will run on queue from tonight [Feb 23rd] until march 6th, at least, which means i won’t be able to reply to your asks or messages. i think i will close the asks until i’m back.
here are the links i get most asks about:
updates page - what i’m working on, what’s getting updated, etc. fic recs blog - i reblog my favorite fics here, so if you’re looking for something, it might be there masterlist navi - all other links are here
i don’t know when i’ll be updating what because i won’t be able to write for the next two weeks, so getting asks about it only makes me feel worse. i mean, i wish i could write all day every day, but i won’t be able to do anything, and when i get back, i’ll have to catch up with all my uni work that i’ll miss while i’m on this trip, so bear with me! the first things i’ll update will be sin city and benefits because i made most progress with those two this week. :)
the signs according to ME, based on what I've absorbed from tumblr even though I don't pay attention to 75% of the zodiac and might not be able to even name them all from memory
PISSED OFF ANGRY FILLED WITH RAGE AND ANGER AND IS ALSO MAD
the impression I get is they're similar to aries in that they’re angry and stubborn? but the difference is that while aries will clock you in the jaw, taurus will hold a grudge for the rest of your born days. your born days, not theirs, because they’re going to outlive you out of spite
is what I think comes next? anyway apparently geminis are very social and bubbly and they're people persons (people people?), but also they’re supposed to be all two-faced and gossipy, because twins. which is very mean to say about twins.
no offense to anyone who is a cancer, but my Least Favorite Human that I've ever met is a cancer, so my perception is tainted. cancers cry a lot. all the time. about everything.
you know, I honestly don't know what is associated with leo, besides... lion. so therefore, leos are brave. you might belong in august, where dwell the brave of heart. their daring, nerve, and chivalry set leos apart. congrats you're gryffindor now
or is it libra comes first? I think it's virgo. um, anyway, virgo is my moon sign. I respect virgo. the general sense I get is that they're very... anal and particular and organized? their lists are color-coded and have subheadings?
or possibly virgo, depending on whether or not I switched the order. BUT YEAH SO, LIBRA, SCALES. ALL ABOUT THAT FAIRNESS AND JUSTICE. common room is next to the kitchen.
uuuuuuuGHHHHHHHHHHHH I'M SO FED UPPPPPPP I am a scorpio but I don't WANNA BE a scorpio I'm so TIRED of everything being nothing but femme fatale tropes and byronic hero nonsense I'M NOT MYSTERIOUS!!! are people even mysterious in real life? also please stop talking about how sexually charged and passionate I am. please don't do this. you're making this uncomfortable for everyone and I wanna exchange my sign for something else
the sense I get is that sagittarius is best personified by a weird kid at summer camp who hardcore believes in aliens and whose knees are full of band-aids
does capricorn come next? I don't honestly even know. I don't know anything about capricorns. they're represented by a goat though, so that automatically makes them better than every other sign. A MERMAID GOAT, NO LESS. listen, idk what capricorns are like, but I'm trading my star sign. I WANNA BE A MERMAID GOAT. I WANNA BE A MERMAID GOAT MORE THAN ANYTHING.
the only thing I know about aquarius is that song in Hair
fish. has lots of emotions, but is pretty chill and creative? bunks with sagittarius at summer camp, but personally prefers cryptids to aliens
An episode where Pearl meets someone who acts like her could be interesting. Like they use their frail appearance and sad back story to get what they want from people or to stop people from critisizing them. Someone who won’t get over that one crush who moved on.
And at the end Pearl is getting sick of listening to them and either Steven or Amethyst goes ‘But pearl, don’t you do the same thing?’
And Pearl just has a big moment of self realization of what’s she’s done over the years. Her obsession with Rose and behavior against Greg.
It could end with the gems chasing the person away because now everyone’s just annoyed at them, and Pearl just kinda… thinks in the house and doesn’t do anything for a few days/episode because she’s still thinking.
And she starts being more observant when she starts doing her pity stuff and feels angry over Rose, she becomes more hesitant and really starts to think things over.
You know, character stuff that takes a long time to do.
A bit of a reminder that this is a personal inspiration and art blog. I have a strong taste for morbid curiosity and some rather grim stuff can be found from this tumblr. I understand that some things I find fascinating and inspiring aren’t everyone’s cup of tea and I respect that. You should be able to avoid seeing them by blacklisting one or more of these tags;
#macabre = dark, horror, spooky unnerving stuff. Overlaps with the following a lot, but isn’t a bulletproof catch-it-all tag.
#gore = fictional (drawn) and real pictures that contain blood, viscera, unprocessed bones and similar. Most of it is relatively subtle, I don’t reblog things that I consider degrading or gratuitously, disgustingly graphic (no human irl gore such as crime scene photos, medical gore and similar).
#animal death = pretty self explanatory. I’m part of the vulture culture community, which means I like to collect and study animal bones, taxidermy and their anatomy. The contents of this blog reflect that hobby sometimes. I don’t condone animal cruelty and depictions of real, living animals in distress tend to make me feel unwell, but expect to come across a picture of a cadaver or two if you decide to follow me.
#body horror = Images that depict bodily disarray but not necessarily in a bloody, gory way. Extra limbs, supernumerary eyes, weird growths and such, usually pictured in fictional setting. Notice that I tag irl cases of unusual bodies as #physical anomalies and they’re far less extreme than the former.
#nsfw = artsy nudity, but very far in between. Doesn’t really fit in with the rest of these subjects, but I see why some people would rather not see it.
If you find blacklisting bothersome or for any other reason whatsoever, feel free to unfollow me. While I appreciate my followers a lot and feel very humbled when people like my art and stuff, I don’t spend my days staring at my follower count and whether this-and-that is still on board with me. Above all I don’t want you to feel pressured to keep following me if you don’t want to, browsing tumblr should be a pleasant experience for everyone. If you’re a longtime follower, thank you, I’m flattered I’ve managed to keep you interested all this time! If you’re planning to unfollow me, thanks for your interest, I hope you find blogs that cater to your tastes better than mine did!
That’s about it, I hope. I don’t want to spook anyone to think that my blog is an endless bloodbath of a tumblr, but I’d like you to know what you’re getting into so that your day isn’t ruined when you come across a flayed beluga whale on your dashboard.