fic: four times alex danvers almost kissed a girl (and the one time she did)
rated R, ~3,000 words, alex danvers; alex/maggie. read on ff.net
Vicky was terrible at Chemistry.
Once, before a test, they’d stayed up until 3am so she could memorize the whole periodic table and even then she got a B-. Alex thought she’d never really get it, but she kept helping her because that’s what friends were for. In turn, Vicky would help her with English and the whole 18th century literature. Jane Austen, Jonathan Swift and the likes, they all sounded the same to Alex and she had no idea why they were so important in the first place.
Chemistry, the elements, they were the basics of life, they showed her how and why everything work the way they do, they were a sure fire way of understanding the world around them. The words of Ann Murry weren’t helping her to figure out anything, in fact, they were making everything harder and more complicated.
But they had a system and it worked. By the time they were freshmen they had perfected the system and it was actually fun to study. Vicky had a really interesting way of breaking down the books they were studying by themes and the stories always sounded richer coming from her. The way she talked, Alex couldn’t pinpoint what it was, but it never failed to captivate her.
When sophomore year rolled around, Alex started to get restless. She didn’t know why, but she could just feel something was different and it was driving her mad not knowing exactly what it was. That was the year she had a huge falling out with Kara and they spent almost a week not talking to each other; the year she dated Matt Stevens for two weeks and when he tried to feel her up under her shirt she punched him in the groin and he told the whole school she was a frigid bitch. That was so not an easy year for her.
The only thing that made it worth was Vicky and her friendship. They became closer than ever and they had constant sleepovers, which lead to them basically sharing each others beds on a regular basis.
That night they were studying for a chem test, so it was a given it would be a long night. At some point they feel asleep, dead tired from all the actual studying, and when Alex woke up she felt at peace. Vicky had her arm around her, a hand resting low on her abdomen, and that was the first (and only) time Alex realized how soft her friend’s hand was. Vicky was so close she could smell her shampoo and, unconsciously, she buried herself deeper into her friend’s arms for the total of five second before she heard a yawn.
When she turned around to reply her good morning Vicky was so close she could feel her breath on her face and for a split second Alex thought they would kiss. As soon as that crossed her mind she jumped out of bed and said something about having to take a shower so they weren’t late to class and their test.
(Later that week she went on a date with Vicky’s ex boyfriend and she told herself she was in love with him, that it was real; but, every time he kissed her, all she felt was guilt.)
Stanford was amazing and her lab partner was awesome!
In her second year at college Alex was finally feeling at ease and enjoying the experience, she wasn’t the new girl anymore, she knew how to go from her dorm to the library and from there to the cafeteria in record time, she didn’t feel the need to prove herself to anyone, she was at home. Finally.
So, when she met Allyson, it felt natural and normal and it had been a long time since Alex had made a friend so effortlessly.
Soon enough they started to hang outside of the lab department, going to the movies and stopping to grab lunch together whenever was possible. At first she thought it was weird that Allyson never talked about guys. One night, they were at the library working on their presentation for the next day and when they took a break the conversation migrated to past experiences with boys but it was mainly Alex talking about all the terrible dates she’d had, and how all the boys she in high school only wanted to sleep with her, nothing more. She spent a good hour talking about herself and, even if Allyson seemed genuinely interested, she never disclosed much about her own experiences.
Later that night, alone in her dorm, Alex told Kara on the phone how nice it was to finally find someone who was as bad as her on the dating game. She could almost her her sister’s pout when she said she didn’t have the dating game down at all either so she could talk to her anytime. “But you’re an alien, sis, so you get a free pass.”
One night, they were at this pub and she could tell she was a little drunk, but then again, so was Allyson, and it was the end of midterms and they deserved to celebrate. A guy was hitting on Allyson pretty hard on the dance floor, trying to grab her waist so Alex acted on pure instinct. She swooped in between the two, turned to Ally and shouted close, really close, to her ear, “Just follow my lead, okay?” her friend nodded and she looked back to the guy, “She’s with me! Get lost!” Allyson got the hint and put her arms on Alex waist, swaying their hips together with the music. The guy looked shocked and almost ran away from the dance floor.
“Ha!! That was awesome!” Allyson shouted as she threw her arms around Alex’s neck and held her close, “We’re sooooo doing that now every time an annoying guy comes our way!” and then she pressed her whole body to Alex’s, she could smell Allyson’s perfume mixed with the scent of tequila they were drinking before and when they parted she could see the most beautiful smile on her friend’s face and they were, again, so close. If she moved about five inches their lips would touch. It would be no effort at all, she thought.
But just as quickly as she was on Alex she was off her and dancing towards the bar to get them another round of beers.
(When she’s asleep that night she dreams of kissing Allyson and when she wakes up with her sheets drenched in sweat her friend asks if she’s okay so she comes up with a story about a recurring nightmare she’s had since she was a kid, but she can’t look her in the eye for a week after that.)
Brooke is the first openly gay woman she meets.
Quantico is fucking hard and there’s barely time to make friends, and she keeps telling herself she’s not there to make friends, but Brooke is her roommate and she likes to talk so they end up getting to know each other pretty good. Alex tells her about her ex boyfriend and how he cheated on her, Brooke tells her about her last girlfriend and how she’s still in love with her but the FBI has been her dream since forever so this is the time to prioritize and hope to God that after all this training her girl still wants her.
Alex doesn’t say it, but she’s jealous after that first night. She doesn’t have someone waiting for her, at the very least she has Kara, she’s the one for whom she’s doing this whole thing in the first place, but that’s very different for the kind of waiting she wants. And that’s why she doesn’t like those romcoms Kara keeps insisting they should watch on sisters night. She doesn’t want to be reminded of what she never had.
One night, after a particularly gruesome training session, Brooke brings out the booze and that’s the first time Alex drinks whiskey. It burns in her throat but the after taste is worth it and she decides she likes it. They’ve had a few glasses when Brooke tells her she got an email from her girl saying she’s dating this guy now, how she thinks she’s in love with him and how she didn’t want to hurt Brooke so she thought it was better to come clean with her now rather than later, when she’s out of training.
The look on her roommate’s face is devastating, she’s close to tears and Alex doesn’t know what she should do so takes a page out of Kara’s book and hugs her, “Oh man, I’m so sorry, Brooke… For what it’s worth, the loss is all on her.” when her friend just keeps crying she continues, “Guys aren’t even all that great, believe me.”
That’s what it takes to make her laugh and Alex feels her chest expand with pride, see, she can be a good friend, she can maintain a healthy friendship with another human being that’s not her sister (and even then that’s debatable since her sister is, in fact, not a human being).
“It’s a crime that you’re straight, Alex.” It’s supposed to come out as a joke but the air gets thick in the room as soon as the words are out and Brooke gets up from the place where Alex was holding her with this horrified expression on her face that Alex isn’t even sure what’s it supposed to be about. “Oh my God, Alex, please, it was a joke. I was joking, I swear! I drink and stupid comes out, I’m so sorry.”
Alex always liked to think she had a pretty good poker face, she knows for a fact that she works well under pressure and, see, she’s been getting trained on how to lie on the spot for a living so she puts all the things she learned to good use. She laughs and waves a hand towards Brooke, beckoning her back to the bed where they’re seated, “I’d be the worst lesbian ever. I suck so much at being straight, can you imagine what I would be like? Just terrible.”
“Oh God, Alex-”
She pulls Brooke to her side when she doesn’t come willingly, “We’re fine, relax…”
She lays her head on Alex’s shoulder and hugs her arm close. They stay that way for a little while, just being together. “You’re an amazing friend, Alex. Seriously. Sorry about that.”
Alex kisses her head and say everything’s fine and she will be fine eventually and she’ll make some lucky girl out there very happy someday. Brooke lifts her head and looks into Alex’s eyes, they’re shining with unshed tears and for a second Brooke’s eyes flicker down to Alex’s lips.
As soon as they lowered they came back up and she’s lifting herself from the bed and going to her vanity on the other side of the room claiming she still has some things to do for tomorrow and Alex gets up and goes to the shower.
As she showers she tells herself she was being a good friend. Consoling her broken heart, that’s what friends do. Friends. Her comments about Alex was a joke and they were friends. They hugged and talked as friends. Nothing more, nothing less.
(She goes home that weekend and she tells a squealing Kara about this really cute guy that she wasn’t sure, but she thinks he was hitting on her and when she describes him to her sister she could tell he looked a lot like a male version of Brooke in her head.)
It was the anniversary of her father’s death, her mother had a convention she couldn’t get out off in New York and Kara was on a plane to Paris to meet Cat for God knows what reason and she was alone.
The worst day of the year and her family was scattered around the world and in that moment she’s never felt so lost. Adrift. Floating.
She left the house otherwise she’d end up crying again and she was tired of crying today. So she went to the bar with the good, expansive booze, a good place for her to wallow on her sadness without disturbing anyone. Yeah. Awesome idea.
Alex orders shots. Three to be exact. Tequila. The devil’s drink. That’s how pathetic she’s feeling tonight, she’ll be doing shots of tequila alone. God, her life is a mess.
The bartender, a woman that looks like she’s her age and, wow, she’s really pretty you know, for a woman. Is she already drunk? The bartender looked at her funny, probably because she practically inhaled the shots she was given. She asks for another shot, but the woman doesn’t look like she’s all that willing to help her drown her sorrows.
“How about something lighter? A beer?”
Alex snorts, “Please, I came here because of the good booze. C’mon, at least one more and then a beer.” The woman stares at her like she’s unwavering in her aid to make her not so drunk but today is not the day for games. She’s not in the mood for this, “I’m paying and I’m okay. Please, just serve me another shot.”
The bartender shakes her head but serves her nonetheless, “I’ll only give you another shot after this one if you either eat something or give it a rest for about half an hour.”
Alex nods but she sees the woman left a beer next to her and that’s good enough for now.
She stays the whole night. It’s almost 02:30 when the woman tells her they’re closing. She spent the whole night watching over Alex, seeing if she was okay. She listened when Alex told her about her dad. Alex almost could see the pity in her eyes, but she wasn’t really in any state to complain about pity looks. She was the drunk at the bar that refuses to leave even when they’re closing. Really, she was so pathetic. She just wanted to forget this day ever happened.
“Let’s go, Alex… I got a cab waiting for you outside.” The bartender, Lyla was her name, went around the counter to help her up and out to the cab, she got an arm around Alex’s waist and suddenly all she could see was Lyla’s face. Fuck, she was really pretty. Her hair looked soft. Could hair be soft? It sure looked like it.
(She was so drunk, that’s what she told herself when she was inside the cab thinking about how Lyla’s hair really was soft when it brushed against her shoulder and how her hand was firm on her waist and how good it was to have someone to help you carry the weight.)
She hated airports, but today she was making an exception.
She didn’t bring flowers. That was so cliché. She didn’t want to be a cliché, even if sometimes they were fun and sweet, today was not a day for that. She also couldn’t stand still she was so nervous. She shouldn’t be nervous, there was no reason for nervous. She just wanted her here already.
Maggie’s cousin got married three days ago in Nebraska and, apparently, the Sawyer family had all sorts of celebrations when it came to tying the knot, because Maggie was there for a week. She got a leave from work, she really liked this cousin, she said she couldn’t miss her wedding.
She invited Alex to come along, but she knew things with Maggie’s family was not easy, the stress of a wedding was enough to make people go crazy and she didn’t want to meet them (the good part of them, the part that mattered and had helped her girlfriend when she needed the most) with the possibility of things going sour. She wanted them to like her. She wanted to make a good impression. She wanted them to call Maggie after they’d left to tell her how amazing her girlfriend was and how they approved of the whole thing.
So Maggie went alone to Nebraska to stay there a whole full week while Alex stayed in National City. It was actually kind of good because she was in debt with Kara and some sisters nights were in order to make Supergirl not want to kill Maggie for taking all of her sister’s time. Of course Kara was happy for her, but they needed their own time without other parties involved. She knew that. She missed spending the night at her sister’s place after binge-watching whatever was new on Netflix, too.
But now her girlfriend was coming back and the board told her the plane was not delayed so she should be seeing the dimpled smile she loved so much any minute now.
People should not look good after coming out of a plane. It wasn’t normal. But shit, her girlfriend looked beautiful. Her smile light up Alex’s heart in ways it had never been lit and she couldn’t believe how much she’s missed her.
Maggie was trying to make her suitcase go in the direction she wanted it to go so she missed when Alex almost kicked it away while trying to get to her. “You’re back!”
She was about to reply but Alex’s hand were already on her face bringing her lips down on Maggie’s and she tasted sweet, and fruity, like she was having a cocktail while waiting on her. It was supposed to be a chaste kiss, a welcome home, but Maggie parted her lips and Alex waited no time to dive into the kiss with all she had, tongue and lips and teeth.
They heard a throat clearing around them but Alex would be damned if she’d let anyone ruin this sweet, sweet moment; but she did tone it down, let it cool while she was still kissing the hell out of her girlfriend because she wanted to, because she could.
“Wow, and I was gonna ask if you’d missed me.” Maggie joked as they held each other in the middle of the arrival’s lounge, nothing more important than this.
“I love you.” It wasn’t the first time they’d said it, but it was special. It always was with them.
“I love you too, babe.” And when she looked in Alex’s eyes she could see it, she was home.