i have 99 problems and all of them are about these two

read-play-sing  asked:

Yesterday, you reblogged a post that bought into the false dichotomy of convenience food vs "hipster healthy" food. "Mom&pop healthy" is as cheap/cheaper than convenience food. Get a fridge. Most fresh foods keep 2 weeks if stored properly, make a weekly grocery trip to have no waste. Healthy eating means getting the nutrition you need and not going over the calories you need. Apples and hard-boiled eggs are both convenient and healthy. Learn to cook. You can be poor and eat healthy.

Aw, howdy, puddin’!

I am…

…reasonably middle class, which is a miracle for a full-time author.
…equipped of a fridge, a pantry, a chest freezer, and a working kitchen.
…capable of cooking for myself and others.

I am also…

…the daughter of a woman who raised three daughters on welfare.
…formerly homeless.
…a fat woman who has to fight not to slip back into disordered eating habits because of items #1 and #2.
…someone who goes to the grocery store multiple times a week.
…regularly furious about food waste in my own home when people refuse to eat their leftovers/help eat communal leftovers.

So let’s go.

The specific post I reblogged worked from the base premise that it is easier to eat, where “eat” is defined as “get sufficient calories to not feel hungry,” when you are not making a concerted effort to “eat healthy.”  It cited things like “a package of extremely filling oatmeal cookies for a dollar,” and “behold, ramen.”  Interestingly, it did not cite anything to support the “false dichotomy” you’re accusing me of supporting: for reference, here’s the link  http://seananmcguire.tumblr.com/post/164447064675/heyatleastitsnotcancer-candygirl1997

(There is a cranky comment about non-GMO unicorn poop, but as hipsters don’t actually eat shit, that seems less “dichotomy,” and more “angry.”)

But hey, that seems suspiciously like people wanting other people to stop dictating their food choices and assuming they’re eating that way out of necessity, and not because they’re lazy.  That can’t be right!  We need someone who’s seen both sides!

And that’s why now, as someone who used to eat out of dumpsters, as someone who was lucky enough to be poor in farming country and hence have access to produce seconds (IE, bruised and ugly fruit that no one else wanted), as someone who is emotionally incapable of looking at meat before checking the discount meat bin at the grocery store, I am going to answer the question of whether it’s cheaper to eat healthy once and for all:

No.

No, it is not.

No, it is fucking not.

I live near an independently owned fruit market.  They have, regularly, red and gold potatoes for $.99 a pound.  They have big Idaho bakers for $.59 a pound.  These are some of the best potato prices I have ever seen.  Had we lived here when I was a kid, I would have eaten potatoes until I wept.  Assuming that potatoes are now the bulk of our diet, and that we’re only eating the cheap ones, that’s a pound of potatoes per person, per day, for a total of $2.40.  Call it $2.50, after tax.  We are now spending $75 a month on potatoes.  No butter or sour cream, because potatoes are already starchy as hell, and fuck taste, but we have potatoes!

Great.  Do we have a kitchen?  We didn’t, always.  For approximately 1/3rd of my childhood, this plan has us eating raw potatoes.  But let’s say sure.  We can cook our plain potatoes.  Say we cook them every night, and have hot potato for dinner, and then cold potato for breakfast.  Can’t eat the school lunch–pretty sure that’s not healthy enough.  So I guess we’ll buy and boil eggs.  You can boil eggs and potatoes in the same pot.

How many eggs do you give the starving, miserable eight-year-old to fill her up?  Ballpark figure?  Is it the same number you give her fourteen-year-old sister?  Is it the same number you take to your back-breaking physical labor job?  We’re ignoring the emotional and social impacts here, and just focusing on the cost.  So say three eggs each.  Maybe everyone’s hungry, but hey, it’s health food.

A dozen eggs is $2.00.  We are now spending $60 a month on eggs.  That’s $135 a month for a diet that is probably not making anyone happy, but hey, at least it’s all easy on the digestion, right?  And if you’re eating three eggs a day, even if you’re soloing this You Should Be Punished For Poverty diet, your eggs aren’t spoiling.  Assuming you have a fridge.

Hope you have a fridge.

Your children have now started going home with friends in hopes of being fed, but that’s okay, because it means you have fewer mouths to feed, and if you don’t want them to be taken away, you need to make sure they don’t get scurvy.  So we’re going to add milk ($3.50 a gallon, hope no one’s lactose intolerant, if you water it down and watch them like a hawk, you can survive on two gallons a week, which adds $28 to your grocery costs, good job) and apples.  Red delicious, of course, which taste like shame, but they’re cheap when the store has them…assuming you’re not in a food desert, where the only apples are coming from the 7-11 at a dollar apiece.

There are so many things we could be buying to make this feel less like a Dickens novel.  There’s baloney, and peanut butter, and generic mac and cheese.  But they’re not healthy.

Eating healthy is a privilege.  When I made a dedicated effort to change my eating habits, my grocery bills increased by 60%.  I have the receipts.  Not because I was buying “brand names”: because I was buying chicken breasts instead of whole chickens, because I was buying fresh instead of frozen, because I was learning to fill up on things other than chips.  That’s just the way we’ve allowed this country to structure our food.

Yes: allowed.  In England–which has its own problems, please don’t take this as me going YAY ENGLAND LAND OF PERFECTION–they have laws setting the prices that can be charged for “staples,” like chicken, and potatoes, and bread, and butter, and eggs, and milk.  It’s much easier to eat healthy there than it is here.

But here, it is a privilege.

And it ought to be a right.

Okay, so I just binge read all thirteen chapters of Adventures of Supergirl, a comic series based on the CBS (now CW) show. And now I’m going to list little facts (semi-canon facts) for all you fan authors and artists for your shit. So here you go:

  • Kara lives in Hammersmith Tower, apartment 4-A.
  • Kara had a bully on earth during high school called Belinda-the-bully, who seemed to always beat Kara at Street Combat Six using a surprise uppercut TKO.
  • Also there were no video games on Krypton.
  • Kara has one hell of an uppercut thanks to Belinda-the-bully.
  • Kara has to calculate everything during a rescue. Air resistance, negative acceleration, matching the object’s speed. Like everything. Or else whiplash could kill victims or she’ll make a cater after every landing or things would crash against her as she catches them. Our girl knows how to multitask like a boss.
  • Kara does her calculations in Sulls, a weight measurement on Krypton. She problems converting these to pounds.
  • Alex is approximately 31 Sulls.
  • Kara isn’t that great with Earth’s physics. The Rokyn Society’s Gravitistics doesn’t line up with Newton’s laws all too well. She apparently tried to tell that to her ninth grade teacher while English wasn’t her first language.
  • Krypton didn’t believe in resolving conflict by physical violence. They first exhausted communication, every diplomatic option before disagreements got out of hand. So, that explains a lot about Kara’s temperament and hesitance to start a fight.
  • Kara talks to Clark a lot about people finding out about her identity and how it would affect the people she cares for.
  • Winn has a badass hijab-and-leather-jacket-wearing hacker friend named Rabiah Zinoman, who can go up against an alien who is practically a computer himself.
  • Did I mention her screen name is RazzleDazzle130?
  • Edit: She also explicitly mentions she does not date, which is typical of a devote Muslim, of course, this doesn’t apply to everyone (props for writers here?)
  • Speaking of screen names, Winn has several: Supergirl_In_Action252, Mufungo, and Dollm8ker (the latter being a throwback to his comic book roots).
  • … James apparently got turned into a turtle once? (I need a fic now!)
  • Kara had a college roommate named Donna, who was in love with Silence of the Lambs and would watch it every few weeks. After capturing and interrogating Fort Rozz criminals, Kara doesn’t like it that much anymore.
  • Kara’s father used to say, “Not my cup of Thoni tea.”
  • Kara learned how to control her dreams from the decades in the phantom zone. She dreamt of Kypton mostly. She used a Kryptonian dreaming technique called Tarukor for the control. She’s also so proficient in it that she went toe-to-toe with an alien known for manipulating/creating dreams.
  • Alex promptly calls Kara a dream warrior.
  • Kara, after dreaming/sleeping for decades, didn’t sleep much on earth the years following her landing. Now she mostly does it out of habit and normalcy.  
  • Alex and Kara saw My Chemical Romance in concert. Seriously just imagine scene teens Kara and Alex though.
  • Kara had a weird dream about Oscar Isaac once.
  • Cat milks stuff for days after a Supergirl fight.  
  • Kryptonians used sunstones as pictures. Like multi-faceted rocks with pictures on them.
  • Kara is very proficient in hand-to-hand combat (since she learned of the DEO), despite not learning it on Krypton. Without her powers, Kara can still kick your ass if she wanted to. She also really likes uppercuts.
  • Clark loves mysteries, grew up reading them and they are half the reason he became a reporter, wanting to uncover the secrets in people. They infuriate Kara, though, she just wants the world to be straightforward.
  • Alex doesn’t know Kryptonese.
  • Alex had a med school boyfriend that used to write poems about them together like “And so we fight, tooth and claw, with our backs to the wall.” That may have been the reason they broke up.
  • Cat apparently partied with cast of Hamilton.
  • Cat had lunch with Gwendoline Christie.
  • Hand of Krypton was its justice system’s greatest honor and heaviest responsibility. They were in service to Krypton’s future.
  • Kara went to Stanhope College.
  • College actually challenged Kara in academics her first year. Yes, Supergirl was brought low by Professor Haley’s Oceanography pop quizzes.
  • Kara did a huge research paper on doxing in college.
  • By her own admission, Kara graduated ‘top-ish’ of her class (knowing her though I headcanon that she was at least top ten).
  • Kara curses a lot more in Kryptonese than in English. Like a lot.
  • Kara learned (passable) English in a day. Our girl is a fast learner (do as you please with that information).
  • Midvale is in California, on the beach.
  • Kara can fly to about 40,000 feet before she’ll be at risk of being in space.
  • The DEO has at least one agent that wears hijab.
  • Clark says, “Truth, justice, and the American way,” Kara on the other hand would say, “Hope, help and compassion for all.

But seriously guys, go read them. The art, dialogue, and narration is colorful and amazing.They’re really fun and since we’re in hiatus they’re good fillers before Season Two starts. They’re about 99 cents apiece and there’s only thirteen chapters. 

YA Books With Queer Girls

This maaay be stemming from anger, as all my best ideas are, but I figured it might help someone find a really awesome book, and so I shall be your unofficial librarian for a sec. 

I can vouch for all of these books; yes, some are better than others (I mean, yes, Of Fire and Stars has an overly simple plot), but they are all very much enjoyable, especially if you’re not in constantly book-reviewer mode like I am whenever I read. 

Also, I’m focusing this specially on books with queer girls, because I feel like YA has a bit of a problem with wlw. They tend to fly majorly under the radar, while books like Simon Vs. The Homo Sapiens Agenda and Carry On get majorly hyped. Don’t get me wrong, I love both those books to bits, but still. I want to read all the books about girls who love girls. 

-

Radio Silence by Alice Oseman: I need to put on of my all-time fav books here, first, don’t I? But, seriously, this book is fucking fantastic, and I love it to bits. It’s got all the amazing things: podcasts, nerdy people being nerdy, geeking out over sci-fi, it’s fantastic. Bisexual female MC/narrator + demisexual male MC + gay male side character + gay female minor character. 

When The Moon Was Ours by Anna-Marie McLemore: Guys. GUYS. This book is gorgeous. One of the most beautiful books I’ve read in a long time. Anna-Marie McLemore is already one of my top ten favorite writers and she’s only written two books, and this…I love this book and I want everyone to read this amazing book SO JUST GO READ IT, OKAY? AND it’s about QPOC, AND it very much respects and embraces true magical realism, AND the author is literally the sweetest person ever. Queer female MC + trans male MC.

Labyrinth Lost by Zoraida Cordova: This book is like a mix of Alice in Wonderland and a crazy fever dream. BUT IN A GOOD WAY. And can I mention the worldbuilding??? I’m in love with it. Bisexual female MC + queer female MC

Everything Leads to You by Nina Lacour: THIS BOOK IS FREAKIN’ ADORABLE. I mean, it’s about romance and movies and mysteries and it has a beautifully built slowburn romance and everyone is adorable and the romance is adorable and just ALL THE YES. Gay female MC + Gay female MC

Tash Hearts Tolstoy by Kathryn Ormsbee: This book is all about the internet! I mean, if you exist on a creative plain of the internet, you’ll see yourself in this book. PLUS all the amazing and totally important conversations about asexuality. Asexual romantic female MC.

Little & Lion by Brandy Colbert: I am SO ANGRY about how much this book has flown under the radar, because it’s amazing and so important and it addresses so many amazing things, and I just…Brandy Colbert writes the most fantastically realistic, flawed characters and I love it. Bisexual female MC + queer female side character.

Of Fire and Stars by Audrey Coulthurst: I need to mention the cover of this book, first, because OH THE GORGEOUSNESS. Also, can I say NON-HOMOPHOBIC FANTASY WORLD??? Gay female MC + gay female MC

Lumberjanes by Noelle Stevenson, Grace Ellis, Shannon Watters, and Brooke A. Allen: I shriek about this graphic novel/s every single time someone asks for a comic recommendation. It’s ridiculous in the best way and lighthearted and has the most lovable characters and can I mention the cast is ENTIRELY FEMALE? Gay female MC + Gay female MC + Trans female MC

As I Descended by Robin Talley: Gay modern day Macbeth retelling with ghosts. Want to hear that again? LESBIAN MACBETH. WHY HAVEN’T YOU READ THIS ALREADY? Gay female MC + Gay female MC

10 Things I Can See From Here by Carrie Mac: Okay, yes, this book has an awful cover but don’t let that sway you because I love this book to pieces. For one, it’s set in Vancouver, and I love Vancouver, and also it has probably one of the most realistic portrayals of anxiety I’ve ever read, AND THAT ANXIETY DOESN’T GET CURED WITH ROMANCE. Gay female MC + Gay female side character

The Cursed Queen by Sarah Fine: Okay, yes, this is a sequel, but I had to add it to the list because I’m in love with this series and this world and I LOVE IT SO MUCH. It’s gloriously stabby. Bisexual female MC + queer female MC

Queens of Geek by Jen Wilde: This book is a love letter to fandom and nerd culture and everything, AND I LOVE IT TO PIECES. I’m so, so happy this book is getting so much hype because it stands up to the hype and crushes it and I just love it, okay?? Also, I love all the characters. ALL OF THEM. They’re so fantastically written and adorable and I REALLY, REALLY LOVE THEM. Bisexual female MC + Queer female side character.

Get It Together, Delilah/The Flywheel by Erin Gough: It’s set in a bakery/cafe, which is enough to get my heart beating, but this book is just straight-up adorable. Also, if you don’t think I’m making panna cotta gelato the first chance I get YOU ARE SADLY MISTAKEN. Gay female MC + Gay female MC.

BONUS: These books don’t have queer girls as MCs, but they do have queer girls and are just overall fantastic. The Upside of Unrequited has a sideplot about the MC’s gay sister and her pansexual girlfriend, plus the most adorable moms in YA, The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue has a female character whom I’m like 99% sure is asexual, A Tyranny of Petticoats has a couple of stories that are about queer girls, as does Meet Cute

Also, did I miss any important books??? Tell me if I did because I want to know about ALL THE BOOKS with queer girls. 

Seventeen as the Mafia + How He Met You

[Monsta X] [BTS] [Shinee] [GOT7] [Block B] [NCT]

||| Requested by @dreamiedragon |||


S.Coups/Choi Seungcheol

Originally posted by sevixxteen

  • That type of leader that doesn’t take shit from anyone, except his members because he can’t fight them all at once. 
  • Gets to know and observes people for a long time before recruiting them
  • He’s very stressed lately as they are a relatively new gang and there are a lot of fights going on with others for territories.

He met you in one these fights when you tried to make a distraction for your gang. You were about to go upstairs to the roof when you bumped into him

“Who the hell are you?” he asked immediately taking his gun out and pointing it at you.

“The same goes for you. You’re not from my gang so I’m here to kill you.”

“Oh really.” he asked smacking the gun from your hand and getting them behind your back. “You chose the wrong member. You see I’m the boss and now I can use you as a hostage.”


Yoon Jeonghan

Originally posted by visual-17

  • Looks like an angel and he actually is but in reality he’s the one you should be afraid of the most.
  • Nobody has seen him kill anybody because his methods are too cruel to do them in public.
  • Apparently has some beef with EXO’s Sehun. No one dares ask him but it has something to do with Sehun mistaking him for somebody.

By accident you got involved in a weapon dealing incident with him and he has been planing on killing you ever since. You were good at hiding your tracks but he saw you one day in the city and decided to get rid of you just there in the street but then realized that this fight would probably end up in a blood bath so instead he approached you in secret.

“You have to keep quite and come with me, if you don’t want to die here.” he said pressing his gun to your back.


Joshua/Hong Jisoo

Originally posted by jihanlife

  • Nobody knows why he’s in the gang as he was never invited.
  • When Seungcheol first noticed Jisoo he thought he’s a spy or something (as he appeared out of nowhere) and was about to kill him when he promised that he’s good at at least something
  • And he was, to everyone’s surprise Jisoo’s aim and accuracy is the best out of all of them that’s why he prefers snipers.

He was told to get rid of you silently but you noticed him at the last second and he missed the shot causing a massive panic in the street. You used this opportunity to escape which made Jisoo even more angry. He hasn’t missed a shot in a long time and was determined to get you for that. But whenever he thought he got you cornered he somehow managed to miss and after a while he started to enjoy this little game of yours and soon realized that he doesn’t even want to kill you anymore.


Jun/Wen Junhui

Originally posted by jisoos-princess

  • Pro at hand to hand combat.
  • Trains all the members and teaches them different fighting techniques just in case.
  • His training routine is no joke and everyone is practically dead after it.

He met you before he joined the gang. You were jogging at the same park every morning. As it was really early and not a lot of people were out it became like a habit for him to greet you before he ran past. Eventually he wanted to engage in not only small talk and find out more about you and he started slowing down every single day till he was running at the same pace as you.

“Finally decided to slow down?” you asked.

“Only for you.” he winked.


Hoshi/Kwon Soonyoung

Originally posted by fyhoshi

  • Experimented a lot and finally came up with his own method to make drugs.
  • They were incredibly popular and so he quickly went up the ranks and now whenever there is deal going on it has to go through him first.
  • His first idea was to make poison but he somehow made drugs so nowadays he likes mixing different ingredients to try to create a new deadly weapon.

You had the audacity to attempt to take his throne as the king of drug dealing. You were stubborn and despite a lot of orders to report what you’re doing, you made your way around and stole half of his clients. He had enough and thought that the easiest way to fix this problem would be to get rid of you. But he had no idea you thought the same thing and somehow got his whole warehouse blown up. He caught you outside.

“You little shit, now you will have to take responsibility and I’m not letting you go any time soon.”


Jeon Wonwoo

Originally posted by visual-17

  • Likes money. A lot. And doesn’t like sharing. At all.
  • Easiest way for him to get rich was cards that’s why he started gambling at a really young age and now is a pro at it and is amazing at bluffing.
  • Enjoys tricking his own gang members and actually gets the most money out of them.

Played poker with him once. He lost. Now he wants his money back but you keep denying his challenge. He usually shows up at the most random places just to ask you. You got into your car and almost spilled your coffee when you noticed him sitting in the back seat.

“Wonwoo what the fuck?”

“Come on Y/N, let’s play.”

“Can you get over that already? Get the hell out of my car.”

“I guess I have to take some more drastic measures.” he said taking his gun out. “We’re going to my place.” [x]


Kim Mingyu

Originally posted by fuckyeahmingyu

  • Can smuggle anything in and out starting from stolen cars and ending with guns.
  • Doesn’t stay in the city for too long as he always has deals all around the country.
  • But when he comes back everyone is extremely happy to see him as he’s mostly chill and just being near him calms the others down.

He met you when he was away on a trip. You asked him for help when your car broke down and he fell in love at first sight. He stayed in the city for more than two months just to keep seeing you and you eventually became good friends when Seungcheol was done with him ignoring his orders and went to get him back himself. Well Mingyu obviously didn’t want to leave you but you didn’t want to go to another city either so he decided to be blunt.

“Y/N I don’t know how you feel about me but love you so I’m sorry but you have only two choices, you either go with me on your own free will or I take you by force.”

 

Woozi/Lee Jihoon

Originally posted by seungcheofine

  • Somehow the ones who look the most innocent are the most dangerous in this gang. The same goes for Woozi. But he only uses violence when it’s necessary.
  • His specialty - torture. Favourite methods - teeth and fingernails pulling.
  • He charms his targets with his cute appearance and then gets every last bit of information they can muster.

You were unfortunate enough to be his target. You were screaming in pain for at least and hour, swearing that you don’t know anything when Seungcheol came in and told him that they got the wrong person. He set his tools aside and stood in silence for a few minutes.

“Fuck!” he shouted shoving everything from the table. You just watched in horror not knowing what’s going to happen next. He turned around and untied you. He was ashamed of himself and couldn’t look you in the eyes.

“At least let me treat you your wounds.”


DK/Lee Seokmin

Originally posted by livinthediamondlife

  • Is responsible for looking after the gang territories and making sure they don’t get taken over.
  • Usually doesn’t think twice when someone trespasses and just shoots them on the spot.
  • But still has incredibly good and friendly relationships with the residence of the areas he’s taking care of.

Trying to bypass through his territories was a big mistake. He noticed you’re not a local and decided to find out what you’re doing here. 

“Hey you!” he called you over but you just looked at him and started running. 

“What the heck?!” he thought as he started chasing you. You didn’t know the streets well and ended up in a dead end.

“I got you cornered. Now you’re going to tell me what you’re doing here or I will have to use violence.”


The8/Xu Minghao

Originally posted by mountean

  • He’s great at annoying and pissing everybody off easily but it’s hard to catch him as he’s incredibly fast.
  • That’s why they send him when their is a need to infiltrate, spy or track anybody.
  •  That doesn’t always work out as he likes to make either a grand entrance or exit and by doing that he attracts the attention of anybody nearby.

He was following you to get some information when he lost you. Suddenly he felt a knife press into his back.

“Why are you after me? Who hired you?”

He tried to take you by surprise by turning around and taking the knife out of your hands but he lost his balance and fell on top of you.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” you asked.

“Well this is quite the unfortunate situation you got yourself in.” he smirked. “If you promise not to make a scene our meeting won’t take long.”


Boo Seungkwan

Originally posted by infinitblaq

*Jun shows up out of nowhere*

  • One of the first members who joined and everybody is thankful for that every single day because they wouldn’t have got where they are without him.
  • The missions he plans have a 99% chance of success.
  • Failure is not an option for him so he makes detailed strategies for all type of possible scenarios.

What a surprise You showed up at the wrong place at the wrong time and ruined all his perfect planing. The members haven’t seen him this pissed in a long time when he grabbed you and almost dragged you to one of the rooms. He roughly pushed you inside and you almost tripped on your own legs but his gentleman side couldn’t let a lady fall in front of him even when he was angry so he caught you midair and watched how confused you became by the second.

“Sit.” he said pulling you up and pointing you to the chair. “We have to talk.” [x]


Hansol Vernon

Originally posted by sneezes

  • Knows anything and everything and the others should learn from him how to get verified information as fast as he gets.
  • Good with electronics that’s why he never goes anywhere without his trusted computer.
  • Despite some members protests he tends to sell the rarest info for big amounts of money to the other gangs.

He find out about you when he wanted to sell some info but the gang told him they already have what they need. Surprised that somebody besides him found it, he was determined to track you down. He was even more shocked when he saw that you’re a woman as there was not a lot of them in the industry.

“What? You think only men can do this type of work?”

“No but I find the women who do incredibly sexy.”


Dino/Lee Chan

Originally posted by dino-net

  • Despite being the youngest he knew about the mafia world the most.
  • His father had a gang and was killed during a deal so he asked Seungcheol for help to someday avenge him.
  • Takes all advice given to him very seriously and tries his best to help.

Some trusted former members of his father gang were asked to take care of him so that’s why you followed him and also joined this gang. He found this annoying as he wanted to escape his past and always treated you harshly but when he noticed that you’re not around anymore he got kind of sad. But to his delight you came back after a few weeks after taking care of business.

“Missed me?” You smirked.

“Please don’t ever do that again.” he said, giving you a surprise hug.


A/N: I wonder if I should make a masterlist but I’m so lazyyy… Anyhow, feel free to request more scenarios, reactions etc. I keep up with a lot of groups, both male and female!! 😄

A white guy’s thoughts on “Get Out” and racism

This weekend, I went to see a horror movie. It got stuck in my head, and now I can’t stop thinking about it—but not for any of the reasons you might think.

The movie was Jordan Peele’s new hit Get Out, which has gotten rave reviews from critics—an incredible 99% on Rotten Tomatoes—and has a lot of people talking about its themes.

First of all, I should tell you that I hate horror movies. As a general rule, I stay far, far away from them, but after everything I’d read, I felt like this was an important film for me to see. This trailer might give you some inkling as to why:

Creepy, huh? You might know writer/director Jordan Peele as part of the comedy duo Key & Peele, known for smartly tackling societal issues through sketch comedy. Get Out is a horror movie, but it’s also a film about race in America, and it’s impressively multilayered.

I left the theater feeling deeply disturbed but glad this movie was made. I can’t say any more without revealing spoilers, so if you haven’t seen the movie yet and you don’t want to have the plot spoiled for you, stop reading now and come back later.

Seriously, this is your last chance before I give away what happens.

Okay, you were warned. Here we go.

Our protagonist is Chris Washington, a young black man who has been dating Rose Armitage, a young white woman, for the last four months. She wants him to meet her family, but he’s hesitant. She acknowledges that her dad can be a little awkward on the subject of race, but assures Chris that he means well.

After unnerving encounters with a deer (echoes of The Invitation) and a racist cop, Chris and Rose arrive at the Armitages’ estate. On the surface, the Armitages are very friendly, but the conversation (brilliantly scripted by Peele) includes a lot of the little, everyday, get-under-your-skin moments of racism that people of color have to contend with: Rose’s dad going on about how he voted for Obama, for instance, and asking how long “this thang” has been going on. Chris laughs it off to be polite, though he clearly feels uncomfortable.

There’s a fantastic moment here, by the way, when Rose’s dad offhandedly mentions that they had to close off the basement because of “black mold.” In the midst of the racially charged atmosphere of the conversation, it’s nearly impossible not to take this as a racial remark, and Chris certainly notices, but what could he possibly say about it? Black mold is a real thing; his girlfriend would surely think he was crazy and oversensitive if he said it sounded racist. Chris never reacts to the remark, but that one tiny moment is a reminder to the audience of a real problem people of color often face, when racism can’t be called out without being accused of “playing the race card” or seeing things that aren’t there. (Incidentally, it turns out that the basement is actually used for molding of a different sort.)

There are other reasons for Chris to be unsettled: The only other black people on the estate are two servants, Georgina and Walter (Rose’s dad says he knows how bad it looks, but that it’s not what it seems), and something is clearly “off” about them. Later, more white people show up—and one more black character, and he, too, feels “off.”

By the end of the film, we learn the horrible secret: Rose’s family is kidnapping and luring black people to their estate, where they’re being hypnotized and psychologically trapped inside themselves—Rose’s mom calls it “the sunken place”—so that old or disabled white people’s consciousnesses can be transplanted into their bodies. The white people are then able to move about, controlling their new black bodies, with the black person’s consciousness along for the ride as a mere “passenger.” In a shocking twist, it turns out that even apparently-sweet Rose is in on the plot, and Chris must fight her and the rest of her family to escape.

This isn’t a “white people are evil” film, although it may sound that way at first, but it is a film about racism. I know many of my friends of color will connect with this movie in a way I can’t, so I won’t try to say what I think they’ll get out of it. I do want to say how I connected with it, though, because I think what Jordan Peele has done here is really important for white audiences. 

If you look beyond the surface horror-movie plot, this film actually gives white people a tiny peek at the reality of racism—not the epithet-shouting neo-Nazi kind of racism that white people normally imagine when we hear “racism,” but the “Oh it’s so nice to meet you; I voted for Obama” kind of racism, the subtle othering that expects people of color to smile and get along and adopt white culture as their own whenever they’re around white people.

So many of the moments in Get Out are clearly intended to work on multiple levels. When Chris confronts Georgina about something being wrong and she smiles and says, “No, no no no no no,” with tears streaming down her cheeks, the symbolism is blatant. How often do people of color have to ignore the subtle indignities they face and hide their true emotions in order to avoid coming across as, for example, “the angry black woman/man”? How many times do they find themselves in social situations—even with their closest white friends!—where people make little comments tying them to an “exotic,” supposedly monolithic culture, where they have to respond with a smile and a laugh instead of telling people how stupid and offensive they’re being? 

I can’t tell you the number of these stories I’ve heard from my friends, and I’m quite sure that the stories I’ve heard are only a tiny fraction of the stories that could be told. So there’s something in that moment that speaks volumes about the experiences of people of color in America.

The same is true for so many other moments. The black characters Chris meets at the Armitages’ have all symbolically given up their identities and conformed to white culture; when Chris meets one character, he turns out to be going under a new name, with new clothes and new mannerisms; when Chris offers him a fist bump, he tries to shake Chris’s fist. Again, within the story, there’s an explanation for all this, but every moment here is also about assimilation and culture differences. 

For me as a white audience member, all of these moments did something remarkable: They showed me my own culture—a culture I’m often blissfully unaware of because it’s all around me—as something alien. They reminded me that I, too, have a culture, and that expecting everyone else to assimilate to my culture is just as much an erasing of their identities as it would be to expect me to assimilate to someone else’s culture.

And that’s a big part of what Get Out is about—the erasing of identities, and the power of racism to destroy people. I think it’s really significant that racism is portrayed here very differently from how it’s normally portrayed in movies written by white people. In most Hollywood movies, you know a character is racist because they shout racial epithets or make blatant statements about a certain race’s inferiority. That allows white audiences to say, “I would never do/say that, so I’m not racist!” We really don’t want to think we are.

But notice something important about Get Out’s treatment of racism: This is a film about the literal enslavement of black people—racism doesn’t get more extreme than that—and yet Peele doesn’t go for the obvious by having the white characters admit that they think black people are inferior; instead, they subjugate and dehumanize people by claiming to admire things about them. They turn them into fashion accessories. 

When Chris asks why only black people are being targeted for this procedure, the response is telling: It’s not (supposedly) because the white characters think African Americans are bad, but rather, because they like certain things about them and they want “a change” for themselves. They want to become black—it’s trendy, we’re told!—but without having had any of the actual life experiences or history of African Americans. White people need to see this: to experience the ways in which Chris is othered by people who tell him all the things they like about him—isn’t he strong? Look at those muscles! Does he play golf like Tiger Woods? And he must be well-endowed and have such sexual prowess, right, Rose?

The white people in the audience need to be reminded that just because you’re saying positive things about someone doesn’t mean you’re not being racist, that turning someone into an exotic “other” may not be the same as shouting an epithet, but it’s still taking away someone’s identity and treating them as a commodity.

The film is filled with these kinds of moments. When we realize that Rose’s white grandmother has inhabited the body of Georgina, the fact that she keeps touching her own hair and admiring herself in the mirror takes on a whole new level of significance. (White people, please don’t ask to touch your black friends’ hair.) When Chris connects with a dying deer on the side of the road and later sees a deer head mounted on the wall at the Armitages’ estate, the symbolism is hard to miss. Black people are being turned into trophies in this house. And, oh yeah, they’re being literally auctioned off—as they were in real life in the not-too-distant past.

One day, I’d like to see the film again to pick up on all the ways things read differently the second time through. I noticed several things in retrospect that gain new significance once you know the ending, and I’m sure there’s a lot I didn’t notice. For example, Rose’s dad says he hired Walter and Georgina to care for his parents, and when his parents died, “I couldn’t bear to let them go.” The first time you see the film, it sounds like the “them” is Walter and Georgina. But in retrospect, it’s clear the “them” he couldn’t bear to let go was his parents, so he sacrificed Walter and Georgina for them. Which, again, is an example of how the supposed care of the white characters for the black characters (his care for Walter and Georgina, Rose’s care for Chris) is really all about caring for themselves and treating the black characters as completely interchangeable objects.

The message of the film isn’t simply that the black characters are “good” and the white characters are “bad.” There are presumably—hopefully—many good white people in the world of this film, and many others who wouldn’t do what the Armitages are doing but also probably wouldn’t believe Chris or make the effort to stop it. Peele’s mother and wife are both white, so he’s clearly not trying to paint all white people as villains. 

But I admit, as a white guy, I really, really wanted Rose to be good. I’ve been the white person in an interracial relationship introducing my black boyfriend to my family. I’ve been that. So I related to Rose, and I really wanted to believe that she was well-intentioned and just oblivious; even though she misses the mark on several occasions, there are times that she seems like she gets it and she really does listen to Chris. When a cop asks to see Chris’s ID early in the film even though he wasn’t driving, Rose stands up against the obvious racism, showing us all what it looks like for white people to do the right thing. “That was hot,” Chris says to her later, and I thought, yeah, that’s who I want to be.

So I have to admit, it was really upsetting to me to see Rose, the only good white character left in the film, turn out to be evil. But I realized that part of that is that I really wanted her to represent me, and that’s really the point. Just think how often horror films have only one black character who dies early on, and how many films of all genres have no significant black characters for audience members to look up to or identify with. I think it’s really important for white audiences to experience that.

As I’ve reflected on the film, it seems to me like there are three kinds of popular movies about people of color. There are those that feature POC characters that are essentially indistinguishable from the white characters—as if they just decided to cast Morgan Freeman instead of Tom Hanks without giving any thought to the character’s race. Then there are the movies that deal with racism, but in a way that allows white people to feel good about ourselves, because we’re not like the characters in the film. (This is especially true for movies about racism in the past; some of them are very important films, like Hidden Figures, which I loved, but we need to be aware that it’s still easy for white America to treat it as a feel-good film and think that we’re off the hook because we no longer have separate restrooms.) And finally, there are movies that focus more directly on the lives of people of color but tend to draw largely audiences of color; not many white people go see them, because we think they’re not “for us” (even though we assume films about white people are for everyone).

Get Out isn’t any of those. It’s drawing a broad audience but it’s not afraid to make white people uncomfortable. And if you can give me, a white guy, a chance to have even a momentary fraction of an experience of the real-life, modern-day, casual racism facing people of color in America, I think that’s a very good thing.

anonymous asked:

hey! sorry to bother you, but I dont know about the whole gremlin dva thing? what is it?

Oh wow but I wish you’d asked this off-anon, racist overwatch fans are really sensitive about this subject and like to throw little tantrums whenever anyone says anything against it! I’m gonna start from the very beginning in case anyone doesn’t know the basics of the situation

Okay, so this is D.Va:

D.Va, AKA Hana Song is a nineteen-year-old professional Starcraft player from Korea. There isn’t a perfect analogy, but in Korea, Pro Gamers aren’t viewed the way western gamers are, they’re held in a closer regard to professional athletes, or even rock stars. D.Va’s name is indicative of her personality: She’s a celebrity diva. She’s confident to a fault, she’s courageous and a bit cocky, she’s charming and she knows how to work an audience. Her fame as a pro Starcraft player has led to a career as an actress, which brought her fame worldwide. 

At age 16, through a “last starfighter/pacific rim” type situation, the Korean Government decided to address the problem of “giant robot keeps attacking Korea and traditional military tactics and regular soldiers are useless against it” by recruiting pro gamers (with their fast reflexes and unconventional tactical know-how) to pilot mechs to keep the giant robot at bay. D.Va was the best Starcraft player in the world (except her dad, the one person in the world she still can’t beat), and amazingly, she was also the best at fighting this giant robot. Because her gaming ability is what makes her so good at fighting this particular giant robot, she approaches her job the same way she approaches video games: by perpetually chasing the horizon of perfection and trying to improve her skills.

In-universe, she streams her missions worldwide on Twitch, and her fan following as a Superhero is as big as her following as a Pro Gamer or a Movie Star. Because she streams her missions, she’s often heard using gamer-speak in-combat because she’s addressing her audience directly. Outside of combat, many other heroes (like Lucio and Reinhardt) are huge fans of hers and look up to her, she’s a fan of reading scientific journals and is a bit starstruck to meet her favorite scientist (Mei) and she’s deeply hurt by the destruction she saw in her home country. She’s also sensitive about being called a child, because she’s now 19 (an adult) and a decorated soldier and deserves a certain level of respect. 

This is Gremlin D.Va:

Gremlin D.Va is a fandom-created meme based on approximately nothing from the actual game or lore except the word “gamer” in her description. Gremlin D.Va is a caricature of western white male gamers (interesting given that D.Va is a Korean woman who acts approximately nothing like western white male gamers). 

Gremlin D.Va is approximately four years old (or less!! A lot of the fanart includes her wearing diapers, sitting in strollers, sucking on a pacifier, the line is between “gremlin D.Va” and “baby D.Va” is blurry enough to be practically nonexistent). Gremlin D.Va is obsessed with doritos and mountain dew (she has her own brand of chips and sponsors a cola brand in-game, but we’ve established that the people making this meme don’t really care about what is or isn’t part of the game). She is supposed to be dirty and disgusting, she speaks in broken english even though Canon D.Va is fluent (they chalk this up to be “she’s like a baby!” but infantilization isn’t much better), she is mischievous and sneaky, she is presented as a childlike, and, well, pretty much aligns with every harmful stereotype of East Asians except the hypersexualization (which they claim makes it progressive). Also, as noted in the above picture, part of the meme is that she’s been adopted by two of the white characters, Soldier: 76 and Mercy, neither of whom she’s confirmed to have ever even met. She’s usually presented in the comics as a burden to that white man, which, yikes. 

Essentially, Gremlin D.Va is a list of harmful and baseless stereotypes and tropes about Asians and Asian-Americans like “sneaky” and “childlike” and “perverse,” and defenders of the meme like to pretend it’s okay to project lots of anti-Asian racist stereotypes onto an Asian character as long as they’re not doing so because she’s Asian, but, the fact is, it honestly doesn’t matter whether or not they mean to be racist, but it’s somewhat hard to believe it has nothing to do with the character being East Asian: It would be very different if she were a white character being treated the same way, since there’s really no cultural baggage that presents white people as subhuman (you’re literally calling her a “gremlin”) and childlike (don’t try to dispute this, half those comics put her in a damn diaper), but for SOME REASON the white characters in the game are never presented that way!

The one exception to that is in the Halloween sprays where D.Va is very much presented as a child, and defenders like to claim this makes Gremlin D.Va “canon,” although this doesn’t really hold any water, since the sprays seem to show children dressed as the heroes trick-or-treating, and almost all the heroes are given a trick-or-treater spray. Here’s just a handful, for instance:

Now, I’ve gotten yelled at a lot for calling the meme racist, and 99 times out of 100 it is, but the fact remains, even if it was totally not racist: it’s just plain not funny! It’s boring and unimaginative and doesn’t make sense! People always try to act like “it’s just a video game, it’s fictional, let us have our jokes,” and I wholeheartedly agree, except that I expect jokes to be even mildly funny. 

People also come back with “but it’s Chibi! Haven’t you ever heard of Chibi!” which, of course I have!! In fact, like all the Overwatch heroes, there’s a Chibi version of her available in the game! It doesn’t look like a screaming dorito-encrusted toddler in the care of a cheap knockoff Clint Eastwood, though, it looks like a chibi version of the character:

There she is standing next to her mech! She’s got a look and pose indicative of her trademark cocksure attitude, she’s clearly an adult and not a child, she’s not sexualized in this image without being desexualized through infantilization, and it looks like her, but in that style!! 

Now, the thing is, I know it’s futile to ask racists to stop being racist, especially when they don’t agree they are being racist. They think they’re being funny, and they try to dismiss any criticisms with “it’s not that serious,” but the thing is, if it wasn’t that serious to them, why do they throw a little tantrum whenever anyone voices discomfort with it? And I mean every single time, they whine and complain and act smugly superior because they haven’t been “offended,” but the fact is that most normal fans of the game are content to roll their eyes and scroll past their unfunny meme, and they’re the ones who get all worked up whenever they find out people don’t think it’s funny. 

Which is the most important facet of Gremlin D.Va: it’s not funny! It’s boring! It feels like the kind of thing Seth Green would write in a mediocre Robot Chicken sketch that he didn’t put all that much effort into. Even if it wasn’t racist, it just doesn’t make sense that people keep pushing this unfunny joke despite the fact that the response is more groans than laughs! In fact, most people I know mock and ridicule the people who are boring enough to find it funny! 

So, that’s basically it in a nutshell. 

MY JOHNLOCK FIC REC LIST
  1. Absolutely all of these fics have happy endings. I can’t read hardcore angst or I’ll die. I mean it. 
  2. If there are any other relationships in these fics then it’ll be minor but Johnlock is def front and center and endgame for all of them.
  3. I’ve avoided reccing the really famous Johnlock fics. I love them but all these fics need more love cause they’re all so amazing! 
  4. 99% of these fics are bottomlock but since I don’t care who bottoms or who tops (as long as they fuck and as long as they are in character) (that means no DFP Sherlock) (or Baby Princess John) so if you have a problem with toplock in general, tread carefully.
  5. All of these fics are from AO3. 
  6. Also please excuse my crappy summaries.
  7. Be sure to read all the tags before reading!


EXPLICIT 

  • The Dialogue of John and Sherlock Series by cwb - Sherlock decides that he and John are in a romantic relationship. John tries to educate Sherlock on what that actually means. (this is the cutest, Sherlock is literally hopeless)
  • The Bachelors’ Handfasting by jurgbury - 1800s Scotland where younger Sherlock and older John are in an arranged marriage. (John is so fucking hot in this I want to die)
  • Thirteen Dances (Or, The Doctor Dances) by Knackorcraft - John can dance!!!
  • Hellfire by testosterone_tea - Magical Realism! John is a Berserker (powerful fire monster thing that’s supposed to be extinct) and is believed to be a threat to the country and Mycroft wants him held captive so of course Mage Sherlock is like NO.
  • Bury the Bells by unknownsister - Parade’s End AU. 
  • The Kepler Problem by kinklock - Alienlock and space-explorer/worker/maintainer/something John! (all of Kinklock’s fics are awesome af really)
  • The High Tide Series by stardust_made - A rich arse of a bloke tries to woo a clueless John and Sherlock just about loses his mind I LOVE JEALOUS SHERLOCK (The first story is rated T but the other two are E so…) (my fave)
  • The Haunting of Sherlock Holmes by MapleleafCameo - Sherlock investigates a 60 year old disappearance in the countryside and gets a shock along the way. (Not angsty, don’t worry)
  • The Life that is Waiting For by Youameliakaleigh - Sherlock is the son of a Goddess (so basically a demigod) and John is his trusty guardian/teacher/person/Sun sentinel okay just read!
  • Neighbours by thelookyouredoingthelookagain - John moves into 22IC and Sherlock is very silly, as he always is. 
  • Irrational and Sentimental Series by apliddell - Post S3 lovely Johnlock sweetness.
  • Intimacy Series by sussexbound (SamanthaLenore) - Love confessions and then smut! (First story is T later story is E) 
  • Never Have I Ever by hudders-and-hiddles (huddersandhiddles) - The boys play Never Have I Ever with some of the Met and they get together cause John and Sherlock are so dumb that it takes alcohol and a truth game for them to realize that their feelings are REQUITED DAMN IT okay okay I’m sorry canon stresses me out.
  • First and Only by crimsonwinter - Babylock to Kidlock to Teenlock to Unilock, growing up with John. WIP
  • A Study in Movement by Supernova12 - Teen rugby John is working on an art project and needs to improve drawing movement so he draws teen ballet Sherlock. 
  • A Hard Day’s Night by 221Btls - John the Knight and Sherlock the peasant. WIP
  • To the Sticking Place by blueink3 - John and Sherlock as theatre actors, both acting as the main roles in a Hamlet production! WIP (I don’t know why this doesn’t get more love, this is the theatre version of Performance In A Leading Role!) (my fave) 
  • How Do You Know? by LaurieRoar - John having sex with Virgin Sherlock to see whether or not his claim that he doesn’t like sex is true. (my fave) (but I hardly ever see this recced) (super fucking hot)
  • Well Begun Is Half Done by Avice - Sherlock tryna seduce John but John’s like “Fuck that, let’s get down to it”. (Avice’s fics are severely underrated, they are all awesome)
  • Angel Hair Series by justacookieofacumberbatch (buffyholic) - Successful surgeon John and waiter Sherlock get it on wohoho. WIP
  • A Study in Sex Series by Castiel_For_King - John teaching Sherlock The Ways of Sex.
  • The City of Dreams Series by bittergreens - Lots of sex? Lol.
  • Spinning by Tispy-the-Minx (ComeAlongPond14) - Seventeen-year-old John is assigned to Sherlock’s care.
  • For you, there’s only me by shock_blanket - So much pining the boys are idiots I swear to God.
  • Six Degrees of Separation by testosterone_tea - Sherlock highkey wants to meet John but treats it all like a ridiculous experiment to stay cool, I could kill him, he’s so ridiculous. (testosterone_tea is awesome, their fics need more love)
  • Lovesick by distantstarlight - Sherlock getting sick and John taking care of him and also sex.
  • The Republic of Heaven by Blind_Author - His Dark Materials AU. WIP (okay so this is my fave out of all my faves but it hasn’t been updated in forever but I refuse to believe it’s been abandoned or else I’ll perish) (the fave)
  • Imaginary Pictures by crossroads - Teenlock falling in love with John. Loads of pining. (this needs more love)
  • In Care Of by quietasasleepingarmy -  John writes instructions for Sherlock’s ‘lover’ on how to care for him aka I hate them PLEASE DIE.
  • In A Changing Age by allonsys_girl -  Sherlock wakes up in the 19th century, with no idea how he got there aka I love them I’M GONNA DIE.
  • Pretending to Be by 221BJen (jcoz1701) - John is hired to track down Sherlock, who is an asset to The Centre, a secret agency.
  • The Wrong Wagon by DancingGrimm - Molly starts crushing on John instead of Sherlock when the doctor saved her life. Sherlock (aka the gay baby loser that I hate) notices and just about goes insane.
  • Angel With A Fiddle by Remy_Writes5 - Young soldier John meets violinist Sherlock at a carnival the day before he is to be deployed to Germany to serve in World War 1.
  • The Boffin and the Bachelor by starrysummernights - Uh… John and Sherlock getting together and there’s some fluff and some smut and a bit of angst? (Idk how to summarize this. Really good, though)
  • Fool For You by sheerrloockk - Poor clueless Sherlock proposes to John on April Fools’ Day by accident.
  • Operation Inked by QuinnAnderson - John has a tattoo and Sherlock makes it his mission to see it cause he dumb.
  • Discerning Tastes by Irrevocably_Sherlocked - Sherlock tries to get some good Scotch for Mycroft’s birthday but is faced with a hot, kilt-wearing John and practically loses all his genius because of it. (Irrevocably_Sherlocked’s fics need more attention cause they are the bombdotcom)
  • Lightning and Sea Glass by 221b_careful_what_you_wish_for - Frankenlock AU. (This is a bit angsty so watch out)
  • In Nomine by Atiki - Sherlock can only manage to say John’s name when they have sex. (Sherlock is too cute, I will perish)
  • See Recipe for Details by pandoras_chaos - John makes a list of things Sherlock likes to eat. (Reading this made me hungry. For food. Obvs)


MATURE

  • Tell it Like it is by testosterone_tea -  Sherlock and John go out to the pub with some of the officers from Scotland Yard and played some games while they’re at it. (This is fucking hilarious) 
  • The Semantics of Crop Circle Formation: a case study by Sherlock Holmes [unpublished] by canolacrush - John and Sherlock are investigating a weird extraterrestrial-like case but for once, John knows more about it than Sherlock does wink wink read it! (my fave) (this needs heaps more love wtf!!!)
  • My Life Had Stood A Loaded Gun by HeartOfTheMirror - Magical Realism! John is a Healer. (I hate Mycroft in this)
  • Aparecium by 1electricpirate - Potterlock! Sherlock is a Muggle but John isn’t. WIP
  • Enigma by khorazir - The Imitation Game-esque fic. WIP
  • Splatter Patterns by beezee - John is an artist and Sherlock is an art critic.
  • Apprehension by BashfulBunny (Aequoreavictoria) - John is hired to kidnap Sherlock but things go awry obvs. WIP
  • Captains of Industry series by 221b_hound - John is a hot barista and Sherlock is, of course, a fumbling mess. (This series is awesome, the whole gang is here, working close by.)
  • where the good things grow by anchors - Sherlock has a magic garden he uses to brew tea and John has a tea shop. (This fic is so sweettttt and deserves more love)
  • Down with this Ship by FrostedFlame (PinkOrchid) - Sherlock takes John to a gay bar expecting him to be uncomfortable but BAM John the Raging Bisexual comes out to play and shocks the fuck out of the detective.
  • The Thin Line by Odamaki - Sherlock and John in a super snug closet  and John gets a raging boner lolllllllll.
  • The Frost Child by twistedthicket1 - Everyone have gifts and John keeps his a secret but Sherlock finds out. (my fave)
  • Dawn Before the Rest of the World Series by PoppyAlexander - 1920s England, butler Sherlock and gardener John. (John is so romantic in this, I want to cry)
  • Dreamer by MagdaTheMagpie - After Afghanistan, John keeps dreaming about Sherlock dying and does everything he can to stop it. (my fave)
  • ROT-13 by berlynn_wohl -  John the spaceman crashes his pod in Sherlock the alien’s planet where he meets Sherlock and fuck it’s hilarious just read.
  • Don’t Underestimate John Watson by BakerTumblings - John is offered the role of Lester Nygaard in Fargo and basically never underestimate him, for reals.
  • Brother Mine by annabagnell - Parentlock and MPreg! Sherlock gives birth to a baby much to the impatience and delight of excited big sister Michaela (This is so sweet)
  • Care of Magical Creatures by stillaseeker - Some Potterlock domestic cuteness and hilarity. 
  • Ink and Honour Series by moonblossom - 1800s. Mrs. Hudson takes in young Captain John Watson who was injured in the Napoleonic wars alongside her young ward Sherlock. (first story is M but the ratings after that are all over the place so read tags) 


TEEN AND UP AUDIENCES 

  • Love or What You Will by miss_frankenstein - John is an English professor and Sherlock is a PhD student assigned to be his TA. (I just… I love this one so much… I will die) (my fave) (this fic introduced me to my favourite poem, Sylvia Plath’s Mad Girl’s Love Song)
  • Bookshop Series by alivingfire - John meets Sherlock at a bookshop.
  • The Master of Latham Hall by Kryptaria - John and Sherlock investigates murders at Latham Hall and is in for a bit of a shock. (A bit of angst but not in regards to John and Sherlock) (I love you. I will always love you. God, I die every time)
  • A Haunted House series by cassyl - Major Character Deaths but not angsty. (Can’t say anything more cause spoilers but seriously, don’t worry, just read)
  • Once Upon a Beast Becoming by antietamfalls - Sherlock is an ancient being cursed by a Druid and John is the only person who can rid him of it. (loveeeeeeeee)
  • between each beat are words unsaid by darcylindbergh, hudders-and-hiddles (huddersandhiddles) -  On their wedding night, John and Sherlock gift each other with a collection of writings they wrote about the other. (Sweet af)  
  • Deleted Files Series by oh_my_stars_and_sky - Every time Sherlock deletes something from his Mind Palace it shows up in John’s mind. WIP
  • Four Shots Series by Opy3332 - John works at a Starbucks at SIS Headquarters and meets Sherlock.
  • Quality of Life Series by cleflink - John has great healing powers! WIP
  • Truth or Consequences Series by Majela - John gives Sherlock a taste of his own medicine in regards to drugging people without their consent.
  • Witness Protection by missilemuse -  John used to be Jim’s fiance but he finds out about him being super evil and all and testifies against him. He meets Sherlock and ya know: lurve. (my fave)
  • The Red Dianthus by kinklock -  The boys investigate a mysterious disappearance in a supposedly haunted house, and get much more than they bargained for.  
  • Watch What They Photograph Series by Itsallfine - “If you want to learn what someone fears losing, watch what they photograph.” (First two stories are rated T the last is E)
  • A Different Kind of Complication by Atisenia - John, living alone in 221B, started getting letters addressed to Sherlock.
  • Without a Doubt by prettysailorsoldier - 1950s Teenlock.
  • The Strait of Juan de Fuca by mightypog - Post Reichenbach. John is distant from Sherlock even though he has forgiven him and Sherlock tries hard to fix their friendship.
  • Turbulence in the Sky by esplanade - Sherlock wants to tell John how he feels about him but he keeps spouting bullshit instead oh my poor child…
  • Affectionate Investment by MillieTheFreak - Sherlock and John feeding each other like it’s the most natural thing in the world I LOVE THEM
  • What Would Sherlock Do? Series by EinahSirro - John uses his deductive powers to find out if Sherlock reciprocates his romantic feelings and to seduce him! 


GENERAL AUDIENCES

  • The Contingency Plan by mightypog -  When Sally and Greg prevent Sherlock from committing suicide when he thinks John has been killed, Sherlock and Sally reconsider each other. (bit of angst, nothing heavy) (this is so real like this is exactly how canon Sherlock will react if anything happens to John) (my fave)
  • Evidence by JezebelGoldstone - Angry papa Lestrade comes bounding up to 221B demanding the return of all the evidence Sherlock stole so the detective tells the DI about some of the evidence so he’ll let him keep it. (Sherlock is amazingly sentimental in this, I love him)
  • And as the seasons change, I love you more by Teatrolley -  A year in the lives of John and Sherlock, essentially. (I will bawl my eyes out, this is so… just so! So much) (This isn’t rated so I’ll just put it under here) 


If I’ve mentioned your fic here and you want me to credit you or add a link to your Tumblr or anything like that, let me know! 

I’ll be updating this post regularly as more great fics will inevitably come along. And I’ll always be happy to rec specific fics to anyone and everyone! Just ask. I read Johnlock fanfic 24/7 every single day so might as well utilize it somehow. 

kiyumiarashi  asked:

Tell us about the parrots and the zipline? That sounds like the worst thing to happen ever.

Oh boy ok brace yourself cause this entire debacle was just a mess. Imma tell the story of this entire day cause it was just absolute bs 

So I’m in Mexico with my family, yknow, having a nice vacation. My dad doesn’t do heat, so it was just my grandparents, my mom, and me. Keep in mind, I was like, 16 at the time, so this was a few years ago now. 

So, i fully admit, I’m a bit of an adrenaline junkie. Always have been, always will be. So when they said we could go to a massive park that was 90% underground, and the rest was like 300ft in the air, i jumped at the opprotunity.

so we get there and I immediatly beeline for the ziplines. Now, you can’t just do one of these suckers. Once you do one, there’s no going back until you’ve conquered all 12 (or something like that, there was a lot.) It took the better part of two exhausting hours to get through them all. 

So before the parrot issue there was some other bs first. We brought my best friend with me that year, but because we were both too light, we had to go tandum for a lot of the lines, or else we wouldn’t make it across. We’d just get stuck in the middle of the line dangling like a pinata, and no body wants that.

so the first bs comes along. I’m singing the batman theme song to keep my friend calm, because she is not a fan of heights. Like, we are screaming NANANANANANANA BATMAAAAAN at the top of our lungs. And we look ahead and see this massive gap in the trees. Now, we’d gone over a couple cinotes already where we could see the people doing the under ground activities. We figued, hey, let’s laugh at the people doing the river swim that’ll make us feel better. SO we get up on it and my friend starts freak tf out. It wasn’t a cinote.

it was a snake pit.

A massive round, man made snake pit will with hundreds of writhing snakes. They were climbing the walls, even the trees that were like 3ft from our toes. So we’re freaking out like “I don’t wanna be indiana jones i’m too young!!” But we pass it with no problem. We keep going another few second or so, and we see another break in the trees. We’re bracing like cause we assume it was another snake pit. It wasn’t.

It was a crocodile pit.

cue freak out number two.

but we pass it and all is well. Then we come onto the landing strip. We were just starting out so this one was pretty low to the ground. And then i see a weird shape on the grass landing pad.

There was a crocodile on the lawn

we freaked OUT like you wouldn’t believe.

so we’re soaring at this thing and there’s no stopping. We’re waving at the guys who are supposed to catch us with a net like “yo guys u got a coc problem.” and they don’t seem bothered in the slightest. We pass over this thing and it doesn’t move, but i’m 99% sure i tried to kick it. Now we’re free we’re safe and we should be slowing down…why aren’t we slowing down.

we slam into the safety net full force and bounce back a couple feet. When we manage to unhook ourselves we find the two duded pissing themselves laughing.

it was a fake crocodile. i tried to kick a concrete lawn ornament.


onto the parrots.


for this next one my friend was freaking out, as we were over 300ft up. I wanted to go asap so i went attached to my mom instead. At this point, i am alrady 5′8″, and my mom is like 5′5″. so you have this massive beanpole of a child strapped to her tiny mother. So we take off and our combined weight has us absolutely flying down the line. It’s all idealyic and serene, and i’m enjoying my crocodile free cruise. I look down and through a break in the trees i spot the amphibian vehicles going in and out of the cave systems. All good. Right beside them is a pack of leopards sunning themselves on a rock, which is also directly below us. and im thinking “wow, this would a crappy time to fall” immediatly i hear

thunkthunkthunkthunkthunk

my legs hurt all of a sudden. I glance down and see blood dripping down my leg. Mom is screaming/laughing.

we hit a flock of parents mid flight

and they were pissed.

So im screaming and swatting at them, they’re screeching like little feathered demons and pecking t us, some were dangling off my shoe laces, shriekingly like hellions. I still have scars from those suckers. They eventually fly off starnig us down like “dont ever come to our terf again” 

we finished the ziplines without incident after that.

but my day isnt over yet.

we have a wonderful lunch, i get my legs cleaned up, and we make the trek to the amphibian vehicles i saw earlier. We hop in and we’re going through the motions. Up and down, into caves and out. Super cool. Loved it.Then we come to where i saw the leopards.

all the cars in front of us pass without incident.

the second we roll up the leopards perk up and start running after us

cue freakout number 4654783

now, my grandpa is driving and i’m sitting there, with nothing but a mesh door between me and a pack of leopards

“grandpa go faster, we gotta goooo” and he just looks at me all calm like

“i know why they’re here.”

“THE HELL DO YOU MEAN YOU KNOW WHY THEY’RE HERE GO FASTER”

He just calmly, oh so casually, pulls out a hot dog from lunch.I just kinda stare at him like GRANDPA

Obviously i do the smart thing

i grab that stupid hot dog at chuck at the nearest leopard

i hit it in the face

they all fall on each other trying to get a taste of that mustardy goodness and we take that moment to make our escape


and that was my” wth is going on in mexico extravaganza”

and that day didn’t even include the sting ray incident

iwasapruneratfaverolles  asked:

Wait what's the story about half the boys in your grade getting your class kicked out of Disney world?

Okay, if anyone is going to read this story, you are legally required to listen to the song “Turbulence” first. Nothing will truly make sense without it. You sit your ass through the entire damn song, if you try to skimp out on it the Elder’s will find you. It’s completely vital to the full experience of this stupid ass story. This ENTIRE story exasperates me

Now, okay, so my high school senior class….was relatively a group of good kids. It was a larger grade then I was used to growing up, so I obviously didn’t know everyone in the school personally, but I could pretty much recognize everyone in my grade, and like okay, there were a lot of class clowns and trouble makers™, but for the most part, no one was really a dick and everyone was generally a Decent Person.

Then, for some ungodly reason, the song ‘turbulence’ gets released. 

Now, I think the song actually came out in like, 2011 or something, but it caused Notable Problems with my grade in particular. It was deemed our ‘CLASS SONG’, and every time it played at an event or someone just played it for fun on their phone or something, every single kid in my age group just unexplainably went crazy. You never really knew what was going to happen, and it got worse each and every year- making senior year the year of Worried Faculty, and not without reason. 

Senior Year alone, before this Disney incident happened, the song ‘turbulence’ lead directly to the slightly-violent concussion of an unwillingly crowd surfing teacher and a few freshmen at homecoming, and it was also being blasted on a blue tooth speaker when a couple of boys in my class Lowkey Very Politely High-Jacked The Plane We Were On, so, when we got to Disney World, the chaperones made sure to contact whoever was in charge of our party and told them under no circumstances was this song to be played.

Anyway.

So the school does a Disney trip for the seniors every year- they stay in a cheap hotel and shove four or five withering and hormonal teens in a room, they go to the parks during the day, one night they walk through Universal and see the Blue Man Group in concert, and one night they usually have a big dinner and dance party for the kids, usually held in Sea World. 

But, you know what came out when they were planning the Disney trip? Blackfish. So, the school board (and a lot of the students) were like “UMM-” and that left them scrambling to find a new location for the party. 

The Disney workers, being Disney workers, were super helpful when the school mentioned this issue when they called to make reservations, though. They were like, “Oh, this is great timing! Your school always brings such well-behaved kids every year, and we’ve been thinking about opening up our Fantasia Gardens golf course as a party location! You guys could be our first official party!” and the school was super flattered so they agreed. Disney was providing a dance floor, food, a DJ, and everything else, and it wasn’t going to really cost anything extra, so the faculty was like, Super Excited about it. They thought this was gonna be a great thing, they were the experiment to see if they would try this with other schools, it was an honor, and it meant that they had a great reputation in Disney’s opinion, so maybe they’d be open to providing the school with free/new stuff/opportunities in future years.

Now, let me tell you something- I was Kinda Fucking Miserable for most of this trip. The first day was fine, but the second day saw my friends abandoning me in Magic Kingdom with barely any explanation, so I spent all day roaming MK and Epicot alone, save for occasionally standing next to acquaintances and talking to my different-school friends in a group chat on my phone, and then later that night my friend since third grade like, got a school official and cried to her about how I had instigated a fight and that’s why I was alone all day, which is literally such bullshit and not what happened, it‘s been 3 years and I still cannot believe she actually pulled this fuckery, so even though we made up later in the week I was still pissed the fuck off for the rest of my life the trip. All of my roommates (the deserters) were walking on eggshells around me, except this one control-freak girl who tried to micromanage everything I did (even though literally none of it affected her)  and none of us realized how pissed off I was until I apparently physically threw her out of the bed while I was in a deep sleep, multiple times, and also stole her pillow. So the only person who I wasn’t Fully Done with was this tiny girl from a writing class, but she was potentially Half-Hamster, exclusively wore clothes made for seven year olds, couldn’t go on half of the rides because of her glass eye, and 99% of her conversation points was talking about all the plans she had to hang out with one of the other girls I was rooming with (who didn’t actually wanna hang out with her/got mad at me the third day there because the boy she liked was flirting with me), so like…she was sweet but I also wanna go on rides and not hear how great the girls I’m lowkey in a Blood Feud with are, you know? She wasn’t exactly prime hang out material here. So by the time we get to this party at Fantasia Gardens, we’re all lowkey pretending like everything’s fine but like. It wasn’t hard to tell there was fighting going on. And you could just look at all the other students around you and see there was also fighting going on. Shoving so many kids in hot rooms is never a good idea, like YIKE. 

Anyway, I needed something at this party to be fun. I needed to be released at this point. 

I walk into the place and immediately realize I’m a fucking outlier amongst the girls- every single girl had opted for a sundress, whilst I thought a black skirt and a nice blouse would be enough. This should not have been a problem, but hey. High School. What can ya do. (it just made me more stressed) At this point I was like, this is it, this is it, I hate literally everyone in my high school. There’s nothing holding me back. Graduation take me the fuck away. But I had to make it through this party and then one more day in Disney. 

The room was like, a barn, kind off? Or at the very least it had been decorated like one. There was barbecue food, a dance floor, a lake outside, and a mini-golf course that we were told we were allowed to use at any part of the night. The DJ was playing relatively normal dance/club music. After about an hour of strobe lights and watching people dancing, My Friend Who Hath Betrayed Me and I decided to head down to the mini-golf course. 

There were these two guys there, and I didn’t really know them but they were clearly those ‘All Our Classmates Are Beneath Us Because We’re Alternative And Like Anime And Heavy Metal Music’ types of guys. They took one look at my ass in a tight black mini-skirt and immediately started flirting with me, and on any other occasion I would have shot them down, but 1) They were both actively focused on me over my friend, who I was still mad at and 2) I was frustrated - so I started flirting back even though I wasn’t interested in the slightest (and I had petty reasoning, of course, but I was 18, it was a bad week, it was 100 degrees, give me a break. I promise 99% of the time I’m not Awful). So anyway, we get caught up in a game of mini-golf with these anti-establishment boys, who spend the entire time dissing our classmates for, like, dancing, and looking for excuses to show off in front of me/touch me. We missed like half the dance because of this. 

Right when we were finishing our game, we were contemplating going to the other golf course (I was looking for an excuse to head back to the party tbh we were literally the only four people outside it was starting to feel like the set up to a horror movie) when a girl came up and told us to head back in because the boys™ had busted out the alcohol and we only had a limited amount of time before the chaperones noticed. 

(They sold alcohol at our hotel, a bunch of people had fake id’s made before the trip for this very reason). Me and my friend didn’t actually feel like drinking but we took the excuse and the boys followed us back inside (we lost them on the dance floor and I only saw them once again that night). Anyway, we arrived to what we thought was Chaos, but was truly only the Beginning of Chaos

Right off the bat, I noticed the boys from my Gov class and the boys I knew from detention were huddled around each other, muttering under the music. That, I knew, was not gonna lead to anything good. They see me, and they’re like “Javert! Javert people trust you! Go request that the DJ play turbulence!” and I’m like. No. What are you fucking planning??? But they just keep pressing me. They would not drop it oh my God. One of my roommates overhears this, the one who’s mad at me because her crush she never talks to was slightly flirting with me earlier, and she’s in a petty™ mood so she asks why they want it to play but they still won’t tell her, just keep insisting that it has to happening. So she’s all, ‘I can get it to play’ and struts off to the DJ booth with an exaggerated ponytail snap. I’m left with these boys like. For fucks sake please don’t get anyone killed. 

A few boys break off to go tap people and let them know what’s going on. The smell of alcohol is strong. Boys are starting to discreetly take off their shoes and any valuables and hide them under the tables. The chaperones aren‘t noticing any of this. 

I broke away from the dance floor to get a soda, and one of the teachers sees me looking mildly distressed and asks if something’s wrong. And I know. I know that I have the power to kill whatever the hell is about to happen. I’m the sole person in this room that’s clued in who’s not whispering in excitement and waiting for the song to play. I still don’t even know what they’re all planning on doing, but I could end this so fast, just say the words ‘turbulence’ or ‘the boys’ or ‘senior prank’, and this would be nipped in the bud immediately. This could be over before it ever started, all because of me.

And then I reflect on how shitty my weeks been going, how I was frustrated with most of the people in the room, how I needed something fun to happen at this party to release me from hell. 

I tell the chaperone I’m fine, just getting a little tired, and they drop it and head back to the buffet line. 

I head back to the dance floor. Everyone is grinding with baited breath. 

The DJ’s voice comes over the microphone: “I hear it’s someone’s birthday tomorrow! Let’s play her favorite song!”

Turbulence begins to play.

The class goes wild, wilder than they’ve ever been before. The building may as well be shaking from all the noise and music. 

The teachers are trying to get the DJ’s attention to cut the song. He can’t hear them. 

The bass drops

Almost every boy on the dance floor screams, runs outside, rips off their shirts and jumps into the fucking lake

It was absolute PANDEMONIUM. This wasn’t even the funniest thing they could have come up with but everyone left on the dance floor was loosing their minds cracking up. The teachers and Disney workers were screaming at the top of their lungs and trying to haul boys back onto the land. 

Then the manager of Fantasia Gardens starts screaming that there are alligators in the fucking lake

Like. FUCKING. IT’S FLORIDA. HOW DID NO ONE THINK THERE WAS GONNA BE AN ALLIGATOR PROBLEM. F L O R I D A. 

THESE DUMBASS BOYS JUMPED INTO A FUCKING ALLIGATOR INFESTED LAKE.

A L L I G A T O R S. 

FUCK.

All the boys eventually make it back onto land- no one had been bitten or killed or anything, although a few apparently did see ‘shapes moving’ (it was late at night, so nothing clear), and one kid got kicked in the head and knocked out for a few moments and almost drowned, but everyone was intact. 

DISNEY WORLD WAS FURIOUS

And like, you can’t fucking blame them. I’m sure when they were making the principal sign liability papers, they didn’t think to include ‘late night gator attacks in a lake’ on the list, they could’ve been put in serious trouble if something had happened omfg. But there was a LOT of yelling/ranting/cursing. NEVER before have they seen such inappropriate behavior, the school would not be allowed to step foot in the Fantasia Gardens EVER again, yadayada, that sort of thing. The more boys I found soaking wet, the more ridiculous this got- I knew which of them had planned it of course, but this was most of the grade. There were like, geeks and nerds and Good Kids™ who I never expected to do something like wild like this standing around half naked looking torn between proud and about-to-cry omfg.

Every single boy who participated got suspended for three days, but they had to space out which boys were suspended which days because they didn’t trust them to not throw a giant party on the days they weren’t there. 

The school is still allowed in Disney World every year, but are banned from Fantasia Gardens and received a fine. 

Turbulence’ was absolutely banned from being played at senior prom. 

8 reasons why you should watch Sense8

[READ ON MEDIUM FOR A BETTER LAYOUT AND VIDEOS]

Most people probably know by now that Sense8 fans just pulled off the impossible and brought the ridiculously expensive and technical/organizational nightmare that is this show back from the death for a 2 hour special.

We believe we can get more than that, so does Lana Wachowski, creator of the show, who wrote: ‘It’s my great pleasure (…) to announce that there will be another two hour special released next year. After that… if this experience has thought me anything, you NEVER know

Netflix says it needs a bigger audience to be profitable, I’m here to fix that problem, here’s why you need to watch Sense8:

Keep reading

Some hilarious prompts #2

(bcs why not) Finally my collection of text posts will get in use omgg :D:D:DD:

(is possible to be customized)
(Send me requests with 1/1+ prompt/s. I write about a lot of fandoms and also a lot of different things : one shots/scenarios/imagines/headcanons/chats/conversations/aesthetics/alomst anything) REQUESTS ARE OPEN! (for promts from this list and from the first one ; third one)

82. Do you ever talk to a person and your heart starts doing some dubstep shit.

83. If you can’t deal with my sarcasm, I can’t deal with being your friend. 

84. I’m nothing but a constant state of internal screaming at this point.

85. I went to the beach once, 500 years later I still have fucking sand in my shoes.

86. How long after arriving at someone’s house is it appropriate to ask for the WiFi password?

87. Getting real tired of my own bullshit.

88. Thanks elevators, for bringing me up when I was down.

89.  Here’s a little song I like to call “I cherish our friendship so I won’t tell you I would totally have sex with you if you asked.”

90. A: Do you ever get the urge to get up in the middle of the night while everyone else  is fast asleep and just walk places and be completely and entirely dedicated to your thoughts?
      B: Yea, but the problem is I don’t want to get murdered. You feel me. 

91. Let me sleep in your stupid t-shirts and hold your dumb hand, you piece of shit.

92. need a gang to follow me around all day and clap when I make jokes.

93.  You know that feeling when you’re not your favourite person’s favourite person, and it kind of feels like you’re constantly swallowing sand.

94. “Stop being so dramatic” they say, “I don’t know what you mean” I say as I descent from the ceiling, surrounded by mist.

95. Just because you’re trash doesn’t mean you can’t do great things. It’s called garbage can, not garbage cannot.

96. Studies show that I literally did not ask.

97. A: It doesn’t matter what you look like on the outside…
      B: Whew!!! good
      A:…It’s who you are on the inside!
      B: Ah, fuck!

98.  A (puts their hand over their crush’s): Ha ha how’d that get there?

99. I express my emotions in long groans at different octaves.

100. I mean you piss me off, but I’d do anything for you.

101. Honestly, sometimes you just gotta let me be dramatic. Because I will get over it. But let me be dramatic first!

102. Do you ever feel like a 4 times divorced 45 year old woman that smokes cigarettes in her fur coats on a grand piano? Cause I do and it’s sad.

103. Single, not sure how to mingle.

104. I love it when people rant to me, like yes, I am entrusted with your hate.

105. My idea of flirting is making fun of each other, until one of us fucks up and says something nice.

106. A: I hate playing “never have I ever” because I’m a fucking slut.
        B: I hate playing “never have I ever” because I’m a fucking virgin.

107. Do you live on Elm Street, because you’re a nightmare.

108. Remember your parents told you to take out the trash? I’m the trash. They were telling you to take me out. Date me.

109. You know, liking someone and pretending you don’t is a lot of hard work.

110. How do you politely tell someone that you want them naked and on top of you?

111.  A (whispering): I really like you and want to kiss you a lot.
        B: What?
        A: I said you suck.

112. Have you ever accidentally befriended someone who is very very irritating?

113.  If you step on a person’s foot they open their mouth, just like a trash can.

114. How do I get over someone I never even dated?

115. Things I want - snuggles. Things get - struggles.

116. If you see me and I’m not wearing black, you saw wrong, that’s not me.

117. Why do we need to watch the sky to enjoy the stars, when the ulitimate star is me.

118. I hate when It’s so hot outside and a bitch tells you to take your jacket off, like bitch no, this is my outfit.

119. If karma doesn’t come around and hit you in the face, I will.

120. I don’t think I’ve ever shut up in my entire life.

121. A: You don’t talk much.
        B: I’m observing your weaknesses since you’re so freely verbalizing everything about yourself.

122.  A: My kink is when people actually care about my feelings and what I have to say
         B: Too unrealistic, settle for bondage like the rest of us.

123. A: Your future self is watching you right now through your memories.
        B: Not if I get drunk enough.

124. A: Is there a word between angry and sad?
        B: Malcontented, disgruntled, miserable, desolated.
        A: Smad.
        B: Oh my gOD.

125. Does the pale glow of my computer make me look hot?

126. Rest in peace to all the hours of sleep I’ve lost to overthinking.

127. You know it’s really rude to talk while I’m interrupting.

128. Is “no” an emotion, because I feel it?

129.  I always look sleep deprived is that hot?

130. If you listen carefully you can hear me whisper “shut the fuck up” at least once every five minutes.

131. I’m kind of hurt, kind of offended, kind of not planning on saying anything about it.

132.  I’m tired 8 days a week.

133. I don’t trust people who look good with messy hair.

134.  I may be a shitty friend, but I’m your shitty friend.

135. Seven billion people on this planet and I have 2 friends. What is wrong with people, like put some effort in it, I’m not just gonna come and do the job for you.

136.  I’m sorry, is my swag distracting you?

137. I aspire to get to that level of hot when my hair looks like shit and I smell like black coffee and yesterday’s eyeliner is smudged under my eyes, but I still look fine as hell.

138. A: No, listen! What if one day you just turned into an almond and you couldn’t do anything about it because you were just a fucking almond?!
       B: You need to get laid, you weirdo.

139. A: You wear that a lot.
        B: That’s because I’m the main character of the story here, peasant.

140.  I don’t “dress to impress”, I dress to depress. I want to look so good that people hate themselves.

141. Behind every great man is me, checking out that ass.

142. The future is now, old man.

143. Seriously, all you do is bitch.

144. Are you trying to seduce me? Because so far you’re doing a great job.

145. Forgive and forget? More like resent and remember.

146. I’m that kind of person who between two choices always picks the wrong one.

147. I know what you’re going through, I read “The Perks of Being a Wallflower”.

148. Excuse me, I hate to go and vomit.

149. A: One day I hope I am the girl that walks into a room and all eyes are on her.
        B: The trick is to get a really big hat and scream.

150.  So tired of being human, I want to be a flower.

151. Screenshots don’t scare me, I know what the fuck I said!

152. I’m sorry for what I said, I was hungry.

153. A: Don’t buy a girl flowers. Flowers die. Buy her a dragon.
        B: Because dragons don’t die?
        A: Because it’s hard to say “no” to something that can murder you instantaneously.

154. I want to be rebellious, but I don’t want to get in trouble.

155. A to B: Breaking news: being an asshole all the time doesn’t make you complicated and mysterious, it just makes you an asshole

156. You know it’s really rude to talk while I’m interrupting.

157. One of these days I’m going to roll my eyes too hard and I’m gonna go blind.

158. I’m not a hint taker, you need to speak up.

159. Why allow yourself to be full of hate, when you can be full of pasta instead?

160. I’m an angry person and I want to let it all out and be an asshole, but I’m also a nice person and I don’t want to actually hurt anyone’s feelings, do you feel me?

The Lost Special: The One Way to Tie Up Every Loose Thread

In the last month this corner of the Sherlock fandom has thrown out a multitude of ideas for a narrative that could potentially resolve every last inconsistency in Sherlock series 4. Not knowing it, this community has debated different readings – all perfectly valid with only minor holes in logic – but have missed how they might all fit together into an intricate puzzle, each reading validating the other.

I have found one way to connect every loose thread.

Topics resolved include:

– EMP Theory vs “TFP as John’s TAB”: why both readings are meant to be exposed to the viewer (but we just found them too early)
– Benedict’s insanely long monologue they mentioned him having in Series 4.
– How another episode would only be comprised of a few new scenes
– Mary’s character development drifting far from her original plotline
– Moffat’s Doctor Who narrative that includes Toby Jones as a Dream Lord and what that means for Amy in “Amy’s Choice” and Sherlock in The Lost Special.
– How POVs intertwine in TFP, and how TPLOSH inspired the way The Lost Special would end.
– The entire bizarre nature of Series 4
– Breaking the 4th Wall
– The focus in The Six Thatchers on “The Duplicate Man”, “Twins”, “Two places at once”, and “Dead AND alive”.
– Three Garridebs
– Benedict claiming “Love conquers all” while Steven Moffat facepalms.

So if you want to know the one way this could all work, check out the rest of this post. But hear me out until the end, suspend your disbelief until you’ve finished, because regardless of whether or not you believe we’re getting The Lost Special, this reading which combines everything we’ve talked about for the last year is definitely arguable and until something else gets proposed, it is the one I’m sticking with til the bitter end.

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100 Prompts

1. “Close your eyes and shut up.”

2. “They hide paper towels in their room and I don’t know why.“

3. “Get over it, pussy.”

4. “He yelled yeehaw and I’m not quite sure why.”

5. “No playing video games together is not considered a date.”

6. “Give me anime or give me death.”

7. “Your mom texted to tell me you’re pathetic.”

8. "Do you ever look at your hand after you nut and just think “I’m so disgusting.” I call it post nut depression.”

9. “I think I have a kink for being made fun of.”

10. "I can’t believe you woke me up crying over a group.”

11. “You’re just naturally dumb.”

12. “Why did you take a picture praying to an anime character?”

13. "On a scale of 1-10 how bad do you not wanna do this?” “I don’t.”

14. “I’m going to my bed.” “That’s the bathroom.”

15. “I would have stayed if you asked.”

16. “You know I’d do anything for you.”

17. "Are you hurt?”

18. “Why do you have a duck in your bag?”

19. "Why are you listening to the ICarly soundtrack?”

20. “I don’t want to hear about your toe.”

21. “Why can’t we get matching clothes?”

22. “You were sick 5 minutes ago.” “But I’m not sick now.”

23. "I’ve lost my nose.”

24. "Why would I have a problem with you facetiming your cat?”

25. “Is this your dream?”

26. “I don’t understand why you’d think that.”

27. "I’m living life to the fullest extent!”

28. “What do you mean you won’t sleep in the empty bed?!”

29. “I’m part of the pathetic line.”

30. “It’s two a.m., why are you next to me?”

31. “Sex doesn’t make you any better at playing Overwatch.”

32. “No problem friend. I am meme share supreme.”

33. “I can’t go to Taco Bell for a while.”

34. “Can you con someone for group dessert money?”

35. “You look like the manager for Hot Topic.”

36. “Am I supposed to find you laying in my bed in a banana suit hot?”

37. “I can’t find my pants.”

38. “You know I didn’t mean that.”

39. “Who cares if they saw?”

40. “Please come with me.”

41. "Let me shower first!”

42. “What is that?”

43. “I’m not the one doing it.”

44. “I’m not him.”

45. “It’s a secret.”

46. “Did you read it?”

47. “What if I prove you wrong?”

48. “How do we get in?”

49. “Is something wrong with me?”

50. “That’s my theme song.”

51. “Let me stay. Please.”

52. “All I want is you and if I can’t have that-”

53. “Ask for permission.”

54. “Why did you say ‘Daddy’ in your sleep?”

55. “I put trust in you.”

56. “Stay.”

57. “You’re a filthy squid.”

58. "Do you really need those?”

59. "Would you be able to be happy with me?”

60. “Just come here.”

61. "All I was doing was looking for you.”

62. “I feel so fucking stupid.”

63. “I can handle myself.”

64. "It was your fault.”

65. "How did it take me so long to realize?”

66. “It was always you.”

67. “You bought my hip hop monster?”

68. “Don’t start with that again.”

69. “F-Fuck.”

70. “Disgusting.”

71. “We were just joking around, right? Please tell me you knew that.”

72. “Why are you sleeping?”

73. “Why do you want taco bell now?”

74. “Hey, what would my name be if I was a Pokémon?”

75. “All great stories started off shitty. Just like you. Now, fix yourself.”

76. "What’s your favorite meme?”

77. “I left the house today.”

78. “Does this make me some kind of hero?”

79. “You don’t need to know.”

80. “It’s just not that impressive.”

81. “I need some sugar.”

82. “There were two so I figured one was mine-”

83. “Please don’t go.”

84. "Just a bit more-”

85. “Are you subconsciously doing the dance?”

86. “You promised you wouldn’t fall asleep.”

87. "You’re not a bad problem, you’re a good problem. Not a problem, problem.”

88. “Don’t pretend I didn’t just see what you were doing.”

89. “We just don’t really talk anymore.”

90. "Do you think other species have their own kind of drugs? Like something that gets them high?”

91. “Stop stroking your plushie.”

92. "Look, it’s called Joppa!”

93. "You’re just a little baby.”

94. “Ow, my ass.”

95. "Please just take a nap.”

96. "But that was my best pickup line!”

97. "Would you still act the same knowing everyone’s eyes were on you?”

98. “You’re just a memory now.”

99. “Go fuck yourself.”

100. “It’s never gonna happen.”

What Went Wrong?

I had an immense amount of hope for season 4 of Skam. And even though from the beginning, I didn’t like some stuff or was suspicious of some plotlines, I decided to trust the people who had previously made three amazing seasons of Skam to make sense of everything and to give us a beautiful and meaningful season for Sana as well.

Now that Sana’s season is basically over, however, I am more resigned to bitterness and accepting the fact that they simply couldn’t deliver. I don’t blame Julie. Not really. I did for a while, but now I just…feel nothing. The rage has worn off and what’s left is this deep sadness that comes from knowing something good has gone bad.

I’m being dramatic though! At the end of the day, it’s just a show and it doesn’t really matter. But for a second there, I thought I was watching something monumental occur; like when I watched season 3. To get a show from the perspective of a poc muslim girl in a European country seemed both risqué and innovative. But the problem with such a never-seen-before/never-explored-before concept is that, you won’t know just how wrong it can go.

For example, they could easily figure out what not to do in season three, by simply watching all the wrong moves other shows had made through the years. While Sana’s season needed delicate and thorough research to first: capture the essence of the culture and background she came from and then secondly: to use it in the fabric of the show in a natural and organic way. They also needed to have space to deal with the daily problems of muslim girls in modern Norway’s society and on top of that all, they had to make no mistakes and create interesting drama through it all.

Looking at it like that, I feel bad for Julie and the pressure she must have been under. I think considering how bad things could have gone…. they went moderately bad. And yet, ironically we can claim it’s the best of its kind because no one else has done anything remotely close to it before, either.

However, I’m not resigned to just accept this as an excuse and forget just how badly things went. Because this looks like a terrible accident to me, and no matter what I do, I find myself thinking things like “if only this part had been different”, “if only they hadn’t done that.”, if, if, if. So I’m gonna rewatch all nine episodes of Sana’s season and attempt to write a piece explaining just what I thought went wrong.

1.The pacing: Perhaps one of the most obvious things that went wrong with this season and that everyone noticed, was the pacing. This piece will be full of bitter nostalgia so let the first one be a callback to the amazing trailer. I will never forget the day we got season four’s trailer after four months of waiting. Everything about it seemed just perfect. Every detail seemed like a symbol, a throwback, a small wink to the viewer: “look! We put that there for you to find!”. And the ultimate message seemed to be that “it’s about to go down” and it will go down in a very complex way, too! A chain reaction! Millions of meta pieces were written. A thousand different takes on the chain of reaction and what each dilemma could be was written. So when the season started, we were all waiting for something to happen. We waited….and waited… and waited… and waited…. We waited for weeks! But what happened was that a tension, thick as butter, just kept on building for five weeks. And then BOOM! All hell broke loose! And yet…and yet nothing had happened yet. We actually had to wait two more weeks for something to really happen and suddenly by the eighth week, everything was resolved again! In short, the plot was one giant anticlimax! The conflict that kept on building to seem like an unavoidable fall out, a tsunami of dramatic interactions, ended up being resolved off screen. The real problem seemed to be the pacing. If the show had built the conflict in three episodes, presented us with the supposed dilemma in episode 3, tried to fix that in episode 4 and had the deeper, real conflict happen in episode 5, then had the after math in episode 6, and started to fix it in episode 7, have the characters figure it out in episode 8 and the resolve it in episode nine, then it would have made sense! Writing it down like that, it almost feels like that’s what happened! But clearly something prevented the cycle from feeling like a natural arc. Which brings us to the second problem:

2.Crowded narrative: So what was Sana’s season about? The imbalance of her Muslim/Norwegian identity? Being a muslim in an atheist country? Falling for a non-muslim boy? Falling out of touch with friends? Jealousy? Anger issues? Making up with family? Getting a Russ buss? What was this season about?

Ignoring the subplots (because there was so many of those I shiver just thinking about them!), there was three main plots for Sana in this season:

1.Finding a balance between her Norwegian identity and the people in that part of her life with the muslim/Moroccan side of her identity and the people in that part of her life.

2.the problem of being a muslim girl falling for a non-muslim boy and trying to keep true to her faith while still trying to not the love go to waste.

3.Finally making the last move in her friendship with girl squad and really being honest with them about her feelings and problems.  

However soon these problems morphed into different things entirely:

1.Getting a bus and proving to everyone that she can be a part of this Norwegian tradition like any other Norwegian girl.

2. Trying to let go of the boy who was both unsuitable for her and who her best friend had feelings for.

3.Dealing with the collision of her Moroccan and Norwegian on terms that were not her own.

Each of these plots kept on getting more complicated and more tangled to a point that they were not exactly resolvable. They were instead just forced into a state of equilibrium. Which was anti climactic to say the least!

*sigh* now let’s face the subplots! There were so many subplots! And at one point, it felt like these plots will wrap up in that infamous trailer “chain reaction”. But with the season already over, it’s become abundantly clear that that was never the case!

The subplots as seen from the very first clip on are:

1. Vilde and Magnus’s relationship (initially taken as a way to introduce lesbian Vilde but ending up being about trust and cheating. Resolved in episode eight’s sixth clip)

2.Noorhelm (the most unnecessary unearthing of a clearly failed relationship that somehow got revived again…*whispers*why?! Resolved in Episode nine’s third clip)

3.Balloon squad (Sana’s brother’s group of friends and the most adorable addition to Skam this season. I’m not sure what their conflict was supposed to be but last time we saw them they were pretty happy and content so I guess resolved in the last hei briskeby video) (actually they were there to destroy stigma surrounding poc/muslim boys and trying to create empathy towards them)

4.Getting a bus (resolved in the fifth clip of episode 8)

5.Hvem er Mikael?!(Still a mystery tbh but generally accepted to be the last guy Even tried to kiss…unsuccessfully I might add. Resolved in the last clip of episode 4?!then again in last clip of episode 5 and again in the last clip of episode 7…)

6.Sana and her mother (not really a conflict point but still she started from hiding things from her to telling her stuff. Resolved in the fourth clip of episode 9)

7.Even’s past (I honestly don’t know why this had to be mentioned but whatever. Resolved in the sixth clip of episode 8)

8.Yousana (resolved with an open ending in the fifth clip of episode nine aka Sana’s last clip)

9.Elias (Sana’s brother has issues! He’s drinking, he’s fighting with his mom, he’s rebelling and maybe even questioning his faith. This wasn’t resolved! This was just mentioned and to this day I’m haunted. What is happening with Elias?)

10.PM girls (The true let down of this season. There was no need to make 50% of the 99 girls evil, but nothing we can do about that. Resolved in the fifth clip of episode 8)

11.Vilde (Vilde was acting super weird all season long! From Islamophobic behavior to spreading stuff about Sana behind her back and such. Vilde deserved better because we never saw her acknowledge her wrong behavior but somehow this was already resolved by the end of the fifth clip of episode 8)

12.The syng fight (supposedly a climax for the other plots and subplots but it’s an even bigger mystery than all the plots combined. I don’t know anything about it! Nothing made sense but apparently already resolved by the sixth clip of episode 8)

13.Jamilla and Sana’s friendship (resolved in the fifth clip of episode 7)

14.Hacking and cyber-bulling (resolved by the fifth clip of episode 8)

15.Sana finishing her prayer (resolved in the last clip of episode 9)

I…I just think there was too much happening! 

All this aside, this season had one giant problem. Like a zit on the nose. Big, red, angry and full of gross pus. And that is the third problem…

3.Noora: To think I started watching the show for Noora! Oh Noora, Noora, Noora! I am so sick of Noora! The woman, the mirror, the foil, the ever-present heroin of Skam! It was so easy for Eva and Isak to fade into the backgrounds of the seasons that were not theirs but for some unfathomable reason, this is just not going to work out for Noora!

While Noora’s mirror presence in season 3 was dignified and reasonable, the ever-changing mirror/foil/symbol/metaphor/object of hate or jealousy-take your pick-  presence that she had this season was stifling! Present in almost all clips or at least the long clips, with a very tangible presence and a very lingering subplot, Noora mirror-foilingly(!) stole the show from Sana. Here’s how she did that.

In the very first clip of season 4, it’s mentioned that Noora is still not over William while he has apparently moved on to dating a new person. This sets the main plot into action, by girl squad trying to find someone for her to move on with. Which leads to a cute tête-à-tête between her and Yousef. But this is quickly side-tracked by Sana wittingly telling Noora to avoid muslim boys.

So basically, Noora and her boy trouble were the spark that started the season. This later affected other plots such as the Vilde+Magnus one, the Even backstory, Yousana and balloon squad.

Soon after this, we get a long clip in which Noora explained-with a painstakingly slow pace- why she really left William in London. An explanation that nobody needed and that just created the opportunity to restart an old storyline despite it being over for months. Long story short, from trying to help Noora move on to Noora kissing Yousef, from Sana being jealous of Noora to hacking and a lot of tears, basically this whole season was a chain of Sana’s reactions to Noora’s actions. The only plot that was there from the very first clip to the second to last one. The only story that evolved and developed, right beneath our noses while we were busy wondering about more important things like: “whether Sana will ever talk to her friends or not?” (she won’t) or “what the syng fight was about?” (nothing important!) or “what really happened in Bakka?” (What’s Bakka?!) or “Is Vilde lesbian?” (no!) or “will Yousana make it?” (eh…). And while we were busying ourselves with these silly small plots around the season, Noora and her epic romantic adventures were developing steadfastly towards a big climax that was delivered in the last clip of episode 8. A clip that was formerly reserved for a very important and dramatic plot twist in the main’s life.

So while all those never-explored-before plots were all just dismissed, the same old story of Noora got to be the main plot of the season. And that’s fine! But when they said we were getting a Sana season, it just led us to believe Sana would be a bigger part of her own main plotline.

I always thought Sana was the ultimate main for Skam, because in the past three seasons, she was the single character that held a real sway over the plot. She delivered important speeches and pushed the plot in a whole new direction with each of these talks. I thought she was ultimately the character we were meant to get to know. But I was wrong. Because Skam was always about Noora.

4.Bad research: While we all know that the authenticity and uniqueness that is provided in Skam’s plots is curtsey of the interviews they did with actual teenagers and the inspirations they took from their real life experiences; it is undeniable that the main reason season three became such a success was because they sought out the counsel of a professional. While we don’t know if they didn’t really do this for this season, it at least feels like they went in blind to write it. We know they spoke with muslim teenagers, but perhaps it would have been better to try to familiarize themselves with Sana’s situation on a sociological and psychological level as well. Maybe have a religion expert on the show? Or a sociologist who had studied the social disorders that second generation immigrants have to deal with? Someone who could guide them into writing a story that was perhaps a bit more respectful to these children’s experiences rather than a dramatic roller coaster of unexplainable events that led to nothing but drama.

5.Scattered storytelling: The most respectful way to put this is to say that (as mentioned before) since there were too many subplots happening in the season, none of these stories got to be told in a linear way. The stories got told in snippets, set too far apart that plots got lost or complicated simply because they had to wait in line for weeks, to take up where they left off last time we heard about them!

Take Yousana for instance, one week we see them talk, then for a whole week we hear nothing then we see Yousef kiss Noora. Then again we get a clip about Sana moving on but two weeks later, she talks about him again and decides to give it a chance.

For another, Sana’s faith. While initially it seemed as though we might see her practice her faith in some way, to actually normalize Islam, that plot was forgotten half way through the season and only got mentioned again in the very last clip.

Consistency was not the strong suit of this season for sure. Perhaps because this was the last season. Maybe they just ran out of a good way to see things through or to connect the things they wanted to connect.

But no matter how you will try to tell yourself that there was a good reason for the things that happened this season, you can’t deny how unfair this season was to Sana.

Before the season started, there were so many people talking about how a Sana-centered season was “needed” at times like these. But political climate and social anomalies aside, this season not only didn’t help any of those noble causes it was supposed to serve, but also pushed its narrator aside in favor of a more sought after story that only had dramatic value.

More Ace Dex

Ace Dex combating the casual aphobia that we all deal with at some point.  

“Dude, you’ve never done the nasty?”

Dex rolled his eyes, hard. Whiskey’s tone was just this side of shocked, and it made Dex was to take back the fact that he had said anything at all. It wasn’t exactly that he expected the team to be more understanding than other people, but he hoped that was the case, anyway.

On top of that, Whiskey managed to catch the attention of Ransom and Holster, who were walking past, heads close together.

“Wait, what’s this about someone never smuggling the ol’ bone?”

Ransom gave Holster a critical look, then grinned in that way that only someone on the wrong side of tipsy can. “Playing hide the sausage.”

Holster countered quickly with, “Making the beast with two backs.”

“Assault with a friendly weapon.”

“Entangling the lower beards.”

“Joint sessions of Congress.”

Holster held out a fist. “Bro, pound it out for that one.”

With a solemn nod, Ransom offered tapped his fist to Holster’s. Dex hoped that their (truly awful) back and forth would distract them from what was going on, but instead they plopped onto the couch to join in the conversation. Well, they pushed their way onto the couch, which was already too full, Ransom on one end and Holster in the middle of Nursey and Dex.

Whiskey pointed in Dex’s general direction, and told the captains, “Apparently, Dex has never had sex.”

Holster threw a big arm around Dex’s shoulder and turned toward him. Dex could smell tub juice wafting off of him. “Dex! My dude. My man. Bro. We gotta resolve this.”

“It’s not a problem. There’s nothing to resolve.”

On the other side of Holster, Dex could see his boyfriend’s concerned face. Nursey knew that Dex’s sexuality (well, his asexuality) was still a touchy subject. On the best of days, it was hard for him to have a conversation about. On the days after a game loss and with a group of drunken and less than subtle frat boys, well…. Chances were that it wasn’t going to go well.

“No, but Dex. Dexy. Dex. Sex is so good. Tell ‘im, Rans, tell him about… Shit, what’s a good one for Dex? Crab fishing in the dead sea.”

Dex scrunched up his face. “Dude, that’s fucking gross. And no, whatever fucking euphemism you use, the answer is no.”

On the other side of Holster, Nursey stood up and held a hand out to Dex, and yeah, that sounded like a better idea than having a discussion about life choices with a very drunk Holster. Dex pushed off the couch with a solid fist to Holster’s thigh, maybe a little harder than strictly necessary. He followed Nursey under the caution tape and up the stairs to Chowder’s room.

They spent the rest of the not-kegster (because apparently it could only be a kegster if they won the game) hiding out, watching Brooklyn-99. Dex could feel Nursey sending him concerned looks, but he ignored them. They fell asleep together, cuddling on the thin mattress.

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Zimbits AU where your world is black and white until you hear your soulmate laugh

-

Jack knows his parents’ story off by heart.

Bob had been on the ice at an away game. The crowd was screaming; it was overtime. Things had been a bit tense. 

And then Bob had put a puck in the net of the opposition and that was it. The disappointed home audience had fallen into a quiet grumble after some polite clapping. Many hands were slapped on Bob’s back as the team skated towards the edge of the ice. Bob had been just about to leave the rink, and then-

A laugh. A snorting, wonderful laugh, and his world filled with color.

He had frozen where he stood, ears caught on the sound of that laugh and the voice that followed.

“I told you, didn’t I? No one’s got it like Bad Bobby Z!”

It was his turn to let out a laugh and he did, with gusto. His voice boomed so loud it had seemed to reverberate around the arena, every head swiveling to the source of the noise.

Every time he told that story, Bob swore blind he heard his soulmate’s gasp in the ensuing silence. Alicia would roll her eyes fondly, stating that she did not gasp, thank you very much, and that the dreadful nickname she’d called him had been popular among hockey fans at the time. 

Whatever the truth, they’d introduced themselves moments later and were married within the year. It was like that, with soulmates. Instantaneous.

Jack’s not heard that story since before the Draft. He knows people think if he’d found his soulmate before- before, he wouldn’t have done it. But people tend to over romanticize things out of habit. In the end, soulmates and laughter and colors had very little to do with how he ended up here.

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Gray Log’s Monochrome Gallery: Hoshino’s Chapter Covers Selection

Other DGM translations

Presenting the chapter covers that Hoshino herself has selected with her commentary! It includes the her personal Top 3 too!




First place: 

Chapter 167 “Hint”

I like the balance of the whole picture and how it combines scariness and cuteness. You can feel the bond between them, but at the same time something feels off. Moreover, I think I did a good job at giving it a meaningful air.




Second place:

Chapter 193 “Friend”

My second favorite.

I drew this cover just after the last scene of the chapter, the one where Kanda destroys the rampaging Alma, and I remember being overcome with emotion. Alma had become very dear to me by then, so I wanted to give him one of his lovely expressions for last.

However, drawing him smiling was difficult to do. Regarding the letters saying “friend” behind Alma, they are supposed to be made with “blood.” Had this been a color page, I would have probably painted them in a black to red gradation, instead of pure black.

I’m sure this Alma is turning towards Yuu, a smile coming to his lips.




Third place:

Chapter 105 “A Stage in Rouge”

I adore Krory and Eliade’s tragic love.

It’s a pitiful one, but I love it (laugh) and I think this cover was able to express it well. I think it’s a shame that, due to time constraints, the rose garden in the background ended up looking so rough, but there is something in how you can only see Eliade’s shoulder that’s really sad and painful. The situation, with Krokins holding an umbrella, is cute too, to the point I feel like praising past me (laugh).




The Nominees:

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(this is probably gonna be a long oneshot and once there’s more it’ll be on ao3 but for now, let me know what you think?)

There are things that Kent can handle, and then there are things that Kent cannot, under any circumstances, in any universe, even begin to handle.

As it turns out, watching Jack Zimmermann, Alexei Mashkov, Randall Robinson, and Sebastian St. Martin attempt to build a deck is one of the things that he can’t handle, because holy fucking shit.

It’s about a million degrees out, and they’re all shirtless and covered in sweat and, yeah, it’s the off season, but they’re still professional fucking hockey players, for fucks sake, and Kent realizes then and there that accepting the invitation to spend the week at Jack and Bitty’s new cottage was definitely a mistake because, really.

Except for Mashkov, everybody brought their families, and they’re all friends, and they’re all teammates, and Kent is 99% sure that his invite was a pity one prompted by the Aces losing the Stanley Cup in game seven against the Stars, and he can’t help but feel like he doesn’t belong there at all, and he can’t help but think it’s because he doesn’t.

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With all the uproar over the all-female Wonder Woman showings in Texas this past week, I want to point something out to all the people out there who think it’s stupid or don’t understand the point.

There is a large problem with sexism in so-called “nerd culture,” especially among the fans. I had to explain this to a male friend of mine the other day because he knew it happened, but he didn’t know to what extent.

I take part in nerd culture and I see it every day, and I’ve even dealt with it myself a couple of times. It’s hard to be a woman involved in nerd culture and be taken seriously. I have seen other women be accused of being a “fake fan,” a girl who’s only pretending to be interested in things like comic books or Star Trek or D&D because they want to impress boys. I have seen women’s opinions and thoughts on topics ignored or disregarded by men because they believe these women have no idea what they’re talking about. Not to mention within the content itself: video games and books where men are the heroes, and women are always the damsels in distress. In comic books, women are drawn to be extremely sexualized, costumes barely covering their bodies, and their bodies are drawn to be extremely unrealistically thin, yet curvy and top-heavy. Remember when all those people were throwing a fit over Ghostbusters being remade into a movie with female leads? Did you really think the only reason people were mad about it was that they were remaking it? Think again. (And don’t even get me started on Big Bang Theory.)

I, myself, am involved in nerd culture. Anyone who knows me can tell you that I am heavily invested in Marvel Entertainment and Marvel Comics. I go to conventions, I cosplay, I take part in discussion boards and forums, I write/read fanfiction, I buy comic books, I do RPs and RPGs, and I have a Tumblr dedicated to Marvel and Iron Man. But I cannot tell you the number of times my authenticity as a fan has been put into question because I am a woman.

I once walked into a comic book store to buy the new issue of Invincible Iron Man, and while I was perusing through the old comics, a man came up to me and started asking me if I was lost, or if I was waiting for my boyfriend. Then, when I said I was there for myself, told me that I must be confused, and the beauty salon was actually two doors down. I have been accused of only being interested in the MCU because the “actor dudes who play them are hot.” I have had my opinions on comics disregarded by men in my own family because I am a girl, and girls “aren’t into that kind of stuff.” In anonymous RPGs, I am always, without fail, assumed to be a man by other players until I state otherwise. I have even been accused of only showing interest in superheroes because I wanted to impress a guy. (Yes – I have spent probably hundreds of dollars on movie tickets, comics, and merchandise, I take part in RPGs, I spend countless hours talking to people on Tumblr about character analysis of the MCU vs. different Marvel Comics universes and plot analysis, spend hours running my blog for my followers and my own entertainment, writing fanfiction and participating in writing events, I’ve read hundreds of fanfics online, spent a couple hundred dollars to make a homemade Black Widow costume to wear to Rhode Island Comic Con where I proceeded to spend another $200 to get a photo with and an autograph from STAN LEE on the off chance that I will one day meet a boy who is impressed by all of these things. Of course, I must have forgotten.)

Not to mention, I don’t look like the stereotype of a “nerd girl,” so I am often not taken seriously by men within fandom for that as well (that stereotype is complete bullshit anyway). And I’m not even as heavily involved in this stuff as some women are! I have seen and met women who eat, sleep, and breathe this kind of stuff! Star Wars, Stark Trek, D&D, LotR, anime, video games, comic books, whatever it may be. I’ve seen other women get treated a lot more poorly than I have simply because of the things they like! And because of what? Gender roles? Stupid societal expectations?

So yes, I understand why a movie theater in Texas is offering women-only showings of Wonder Women. Women are very much underrepresented in the superhero genre, particularly in movies. Wonder Woman is the first female-led superhero movie since Hallie Berry’s Catwoman in 2005, and that movie was given so much shit by critics and fans. Marvel has never released a single female lead movie, and won’t until 2019.

The women only showings show women that they can be powerful and save the world. It empowers little girls and shows us that we are more than just a plaything for a man to rescue or wait around for them to save the day. And it shows women within this so-called “nerd culture” that they are important too. Their presence matters, their opinions matter, and their validity as fans matter just as much as anyone else.

Hell, if some theaters wanted to do an African American only showing of Marvel’s Black Panther when it comes out, go for it. People of color are just as, if not more, marginalized and erased from nerd culture than women are. With Marvel blaming low comic book sales on “diversity,” they’re continuous whitewashing of characters and erasure of ethnic backgrounds, and the erasure/disregard for POC characters by the fandom within fanon. I can only think of two or three popular superhero movies that have come out in the last 20 years with a POC lead.

It’s not like the theater is denying you the right to see the movie, you just won’t be allowed into that specific theater room showing it. Hell, 99% of the people complaining about it don’t live in Texas or anywhere near that theater.

Basically what I’m saying is, stop throwing a bitch fit over dumb shit, go watch a different showing of the same movie that’s being offered five minutes later, and stop trying to deny women their right and their place within fandom as more than just casual participants.