i have 500 hours in it for a reason.

Cutting hours for Loss Prevention personnel is generally a bad idea.

I used to work in loss prevention for a regional chain of electronics stores. Let’s call it Shit Store. My job was basically to patrol the store in plain clothes and detain someone if I caught them trying to steal. I’ve worked private security before so this was a pretty nice gig.

Shit Store’s corporate policy, for reasons I cannot quite comprehend, mandated a weekly quota of shoplifter apprehensions, which we called “stops.” We needed to have at least 3 stops a week. Usually we had about 10, just shy of 2 per day, and obviously most of the stops involved expensive electronics. We paid our own salaries many times over and saved the company an astronomical amount of money.

Until one week. Saturday rolled around (our schedule weeks ran Sunday-Saturday) and all loss prevention personnel were called into the office. There were four of us. The store manager told us that only two stops had been made for the week, so we had not met our quota. He contacted corporate and they told him to give all loss prevention personnel the entire next week off to save on costs. An extra cashier would be scheduled to stand by the door as a deterrent. (I later learned that other stores were implementing this policy in order to phase out plain clothes LP altogether.)

As you can imagine, a week of no pay did not exactly go over well with us. It was particularly bad timing for me. My rent was due, my dog had some vet bills, and my nephew’s birthday was coming up. I, and all of my co-workers, did everything to fight this. We talked about how we usually met our quota many times over, How we paid our own salaries with all the stops we did, how much money we had saved the company, how laughably ineffective an untrained cashier standing by the door would be… but it all fell on deaf ears. By the end of it the manager was clearly flustered but insisted that we just stay home the next week. “Think of it like a vacation,” he said. We all had paid time off available but of course he said that we couldn’t use it. “It’s about cutting losses for the company,” he said.

Cutting losses, oh dear. If only he knew the shit I was about to pull…

We all went home feeling pissed and wronged. But before I even set foot in my door, I had the vague beginnings of a plan for vengeance.

The Revenge

Now, I had a few friends, or I guess acquaintances, who were a bit shady. They were generally straight-laced, but they themselves had friends who were even shadier. Dealers, addicts, and even a few gang members if the rumors were true. They usually hung out in one of three parks in the city limits, so after blowing off some steam at home, I began to make my rounds.

The conversation with each group followed a pretty set pattern: I would say hi but look a little pissed, they would ask how I was doing, I’d say something like “Not too good I guess, Shit Store just gave the entire loss prevention team the week off to save money! I’m gonna miss out on an entire paycheck!” A few would probe a bit and I would verify that, yes, anyone could walk into the store and take shit without having to worry about an undercover LP watching them.

I knew that my plan was beginning to take hold when someone I hadn’t talked to posted on Facebook asking if it was true that Shit Store had no loss prevention this week. Word gets around fast. All I had to do now was head to the store, grab a 30 pk of beer, and slowly drink the week away while shit went down.

People lost their fucking minds. A shit load of product went missing every day, and not just little things– people were apparently walking out with giant flat screen TVs and refusing to stop for the lowly cashier by the door (that usually wasn’t paying attention anyway). Tablets, laptops, netbooks, and consoles vanished into thin air. Several cell phones from the display case even went missing.

I would not hear about this till later, though. All I know is that on Wednesday, hardly halfway through my unpaid week off, I got a call from work. I let it go to voicemail and couldn’t help but crack a smile when I listened to it. It was the store manager asking me to come in and work a full shift because of “problems they’d been having.” You could almost hear the desperation in his voice. I knew my little scheme had worked. But sadly, I chose not to respond or come in for work that day. Even if I wanted to, I was pretty deep into a 6-pack at the time.

I got another call the following day, which this time I answered. Gee boss, I’m so sorry but I’m actually eight hours away at the beach right now. I thought going out of town would be a good idea since you said to treat this like a vacation. (Actually I was still in my PJ’s, drinking coffee and watching Breaking Bad.)

The following day I did not get a phone call. Shit Store had bused LP personnel in from other stores and had a police officer stand by the door. I’m sure the police department was happy to oblige, I can only imagine how many calls they got from Shit Store over the past week.

When I went back after my week off was up, there were two new policies that were tacked right on to the bulletin board: at least one LP associate must be on the floor from open to close, and the quota was changed from # of stops per week to amount of money saved in a month, a much more flexible and reasonable quota that the four of us would have no problem meeting. Well, three of us actually, one of my fellow LP’s made use of their week off by getting a new job, and good for them.

I never did learn the hard numbers on how much money hemorrhaged out of that store. I do know that it was in the six-figure range.

I thought about getting a new job myself, but it didn’t prove to be necessary. I guess a company that cuts all LP’s for a week must have deeper financial problems, because the whole chain folded two months later. I then got to spend my days drinking beer, watching Netflix, and getting paid unemployment for it. I ended up landing a new job with a private security firm that paid much better.

I ran into my shadier acquaintances showing off their new iPads a few days after this mess. I think I know how they got them.

What engineering school has done to me
  • Physics Professor:We'll be having a quiz at least once a week, which I expect you to come prepared for. If you're having any trouble, I expect you to spent at least several hours on your own before coming to me about it.
  • Me:Oh, of course.
  • Chemistry Professor:For the next test you will need to be able to recognize and complete over 100 different chemical equations.
  • Me:Well ok, that sounds reasonable
  • Math Professor:Please do a triple integral to determine the density of this cube when the density is proportional to its distance from the xy-plane.
  • Me:Psh, piece of cake.
  • English Professor:I'm giving you two days to write a 500 word short piece on a childhood experience of yours.
  • Me:whaaaaa.. .. . ... what does that even....

I just got a notice from the FBI.
It said I had been watching illegal porn, that I possessed and distributed child pornography.
It said my coordinates, my tablet user, and the device I was using.
It said that I could go to jail for 5-11 years for possession and distribution of illegal porn,
It said I could go to jail for 3-7 years for pirating.

I am 15.
I am an honors students.
I am in college.

This made me think that I would lose all of that.
That my entire life was basically gone; how would I get into a university with that on my record?
It said I was locked down for “security reasons” for 24 hours.
It said I had to pay a fine of $500 through pay pal.
This was my first clue that it may be false, but again, I’m 15 with my whole life ahead of me.
I was horrified that this may actually be real.
So I texted one of my best friends that was at homecoming, and even though he had better things to do, he talked to through the beginning of a panic attack.
After 15 or so minutes of nonstop crying and hyperventilating, I went outside to tell my mom what happened.
I was crying so much I couldn’t even talk.
It took five minutes to calm down enough to talk.

She looked it up on her computer, and found out that it was fake.
I just have a virus.
All I was doing was scrolling through my dash.


I had to reset and erase EVERYTHING just so I could access the Internet again; it completely locked me out with that pop up.

Please be careful. It attacks computers and mobile devices after you download a certain video program. I don’t know which one.
If you see anything saying:
• Owning illegal porn (then lists several)
• Watching and distributing child pornography
• Pirating (music, movies, etc.)
• Saying it’s from the FBI
• That you have been locked down for Security/Safety reasons for 24 hours
• That you must pay a fine of $200-$500
• That you must pay through PayPal


The FBI doesn’t send notifications.
The FBI doesn’t have you pay through PayPal. You would be mailed a fine most likely.
The FBI would most likely not let you pay off a 3-7 or 5-11 year sentence.

Clicking the “OK” will also download child porn onto your device in some cases.

Just go to your setting and erase your browser history, then delete any video programs you may have.
Unless it’s something like Pinnacle or Sony Vegas pro that you actively paid for.
This program comes with video programs and especially attacks iOS and Android.

Watch out guys, I don’t want what happened to me happening to you.
If you have any questions, feel free to send me an ask.

anonymous asked:

Whenever you have a heavily modified ridiculous drink do you have the urge to call it out like "I have a grande complicated ass frappuccino!" Just because you know it will take 7 hours to call it out properly? I sure do.

Oh… I actually call out the entire thing, especially if there are a bunch of people waiting… because then, everyone else glares at the person who goes up to grab it, because they realize that the reason they have to wait so long is because I was so busy dealing with the 500 modifiers for this one drink.



Okay in all honesty, I find that I need to get about $500 in approximately the next week, two weeks if I can make it that long, but it’s a real time crunch and I’d prefer to have it by this time next week because Reasons. I need to move to a different living situation where I can get by with 20ish hours a week instead of 40, because my mentally ill ass cannot handle that kind of stress, and it’s affecting more than my own health at this point.

So, I’m opening up commissions. I don’t know of a decent way to price things, but I’ll probably like start at bust sketches being $5 and move up from there. The pictures above are some refs of style/lining/coloring options. I figure, message me with what you’re willing to pay and what you want, and we’ll work something out from there.

Writing-wise, I’m thinking probably $1/100 words?

Most of my recent work has been over at ask-whippy-and-birdmom, where these are all from. If you want examples of my writing, as well, head that way. Anything tagged #panmethyst is me. My artblog is panpanpandy though there isn’t much there and on my personal blog (pandypancakes!) my art is tagged #pandydraws and my writing is tagged #pandywrites.

I’m willing to do NSFW in both cases, with a handful of “no”s in the kink department that you’re welcome to ask about (I’m pretty flexible in this matter). I can’t do mechas or really intricate armor. My main fandom is Steven Universe right now, but that only really applies to writing – art-wise, I can do anything with proper refs!

Anyway: please contact me via email to work things out: pandypancakes@gmail.com

That is also my paypal account if anyone is feeling particularly generous and wants to share their wealth with me. TT^TT9

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this! ;u; Have a really great day!!

EDIT: We’ve also set up a GoFundMe here! Thank you again for reading!!

We’re back!

Steve: Hello, Tumblr!

Clint: Steve, we’re not saying hello to “Tumblr.” We’re saying hello to Emma and Mikala’s followers. 

Steve: What’s a ‘follower’? They’re not stalking these nice girls, are they?

Clint: What? Steve, no. Get with the times, old man. These people follow the girls’ online blog. We’re here to answer questions, remember? They’re celebrating 500 followers. 

Mikala (muffled, from a distance): Actually, we’re at 750 now!

Clint: Shhh, we shut you out for a reason! This is our blog now!

Steve: I don’t really think locking them in a closet was a good idea, Barton–

Clint: It’s only for a few hours… Maybe. Send us some questions, everyone! The more you send, the more likely we are to just keep the for blog ourselves. 

Steve: But we have to let them out sometim–

Clint: Shut up, Steve. This is my time to shine. 

Emma (muffled, from a distance): They’re answering questions at 4PM EST! Remember to blacklist ‘500 follower celebration’ to stop seeing these updates!

Advice: Movie vs Novel Plot Structures

Anonymous asked: Would you say there is a difference between novel plot-structures and movie plot-structures? What differences might they be? Would taking note of events in a movie be good studies to prepare for your novel?

There are similarities between the two, but there are a lot of differences, too. If you’ve ever watched a movie based on a book, you probably noticed there were a lot of changes and things that were left out. A 500 page novel takes roughly twelve hours to read out loud, but that same story has to be compressed into about two hours in a movie. For that reason, the plot structure of a movie has slightly different goals than the plot structure of a book. Movies have to take a lot of narrative shortcuts that aren’t necessary in a novel. Still, movies are just another form of storytelling, so I do think it’s useful to watch a lot of movies if you want to be a writer. At the very least, it can help with things like character development, conflict, and tension. :)

anonymous asked:

Anonymous because I feel embarrassed to admit it bothers me, but I saw your post. I've seen my art reposted and it has...quite a bit more likes than when I posted it and it does bum me out, but I can only hope that it interests someone enough to try and find my real account and follow me there ;;? Ive been too weak willed to say anything so far the few times I've seen it happen..

i know there are plenty of people who don’t mind reposts because of that exact reason - a lot of repost accounts have lots and lots of followers, and sometimes it’s nice to see that people do actually like your art. i mean, my original post of 707 hide currently has 10 likes on IG, whereas the repost has over 500. it feels good to have your art be noticed. but…

personally, i just hate that so many artists go completely unrecognised despite busting their asses for hours on a piece, but some rando can just wave their hand and get floods of feedback. i say i don’t do art for the notes, and i honestly don’t, but i won’t deny that they’re AWESOME. so when someone else gets the likes, reblogs, retweets, comments that should have been for me…i just feel so frustrated. especially because even when reposts are credited, i don’t think i’ve ever got a follow as a result. 

having art reposted is like doing an olivier award-winning broadway performance, but from behind a curtain that someone else is standing in front of. people can hear you and admire your performance, but all they see is the person smiling and waving at the audience, so that person gets the recognition…and that’s so unspeakably frustrating. and heartbreaking, tbh. 

sorry for ranting so much anon ;;;; if you don’t mind reposters then that is absolutely your right, but i can’t stand them. i wish you all the best with your art - i’d love to see it if you’re comfortable sending me your url! <3