i HaTE myseLf SO MUch. i CliCkeD An UNdEScRiptiVElY NAmED scRIpt FilE tHAt i MAde In 2011 WitHoUT tHiNkING Of THe PotENtIaL ConSequeNceS aND GUeSS WHaT it DoES? guEsS WhaT iT fuCkInG does. I BEt YoU Can’t GUesS
I’m fairly certain that the people who make the “batman could make himself obsolete by using his money to solve the economic strain that drives many people to crime” posts are only familiar with Batman through Will Arnett’s spoof performance in the Lego movie, since that’s the only version of Batman I know where he isn’t hiring so many ex-convicts at his company so they have a legitimate source of income and using so much money to fund social programs that all the other bigwigs at Wayne Enterprises hate him and want him gone
Literally every version of his origin story I can remember involves him realizing that he can’t just treat the symptoms as Batman, he has to treat the root cause as Bruce Wayne. A huge part of the plot of “The Dark Knight Rises” is that his company is on the verge of bankruptcy because Bruce keeps spending all their profits on things like “clean energy” and “food and shelter for orphans.”
The opening of “Arkham City” shows him campaigning against mass incarceration because the majority of the inmates in Arkham City are not public menaces like the Joker, they’re desperate people with no other options, and Gotham should be providing them with legitimate means of stability rather than punishing them for having none.
Especially since the majority of his villains are independently wealthy people (doctors, lawyers, business executives) who are exploiting people’s desperation in order to get themselves henchmen, and the henchmen almost always have jobs with a living wage waiting for them on the other side of their sentence, and Bruce has a standing offer to pay out-of-pocket for the therapy of any of his villains whose crimes are the result of a mental illness (which Bruce is sympathetic to since he is mentally ill himself)
But what’s really damning about these posts is that a lot of them suggest Bruce should use his money to give the police the resources they need to deal with crime on their own, which makes it clear they’ve never actually consumed a piece of Batman media, since the issue with the Gotham Police is not that they’re underfunded. They have a bloated budget, they’re almost militant, and they’re so corrupt that they actually encourage crime, both violent and economic, because they’re on the payroll of the richest criminals.
Also, some of them refer to Batman as a “old rich white man’s wet dream” and I really disagree here. A story that says the only rich dude in the world who’s not a criminal drain on society is the one who spends the majority of his hefty inheritance and all his corporate profits trying to correct the imbalance that allowed him his wealth in the first place, whose staunch belief is that the best crime control policy is building a world where no one feels crime is necessary, as well as refusing to support mass incarceration or police corruption, systems which stand to benefit him financially? Batman is an old rich white man’s worst nightmare.
Every single Drarry story I’ve read has been like “Harry thought he was straight bc of Ginny” or “But Ginny” or “He didn’t want to hurt Ginny” and I can understand that bc of canon. But I just want to ask something. Why the fuck was Harry with Ginny in the first place? I mean I love Ginny I really do. But for the first like 4 years that Harry knew her, she was creepily obsessed with him and Harry HATED that kind of attention. In the Triwizard Tournament, the person who was most important to Harry was her brother. The first time he ever had a romantic thought about her was when he had pretty much accepted that he was going to die so yeah who the fuck wants to die when their only kiss was with a girl bawling her eyes out over her ex boyfriend? And it came out of fucking nowhere. It was like “Oh shit there’s this evil guy after me. Oh shit I really gotta sort my life out bc something always happens every year at Hogwarts. Oh shit I gotta kill Voldemort. Oh shit look Ron’s little sister’s kinda pretty. I MUST BE IN LOVE WITH HER WHATTTTTT” like wtf Harry no sit down calm down. You’re not in love with her. You’re a hormonal teenager. And then he breaks up with her bc he’s pretty much gonna die. And then when it’s time for the Hogwarts battle, you know what Harry does? He’s like “GINNY STAY WHERE YOU ARE DONT FIGHT!” But you know who else told her that? HER FREAKING BROTHERS. How Harry thought of her in any non-platonic way is beyond me. Harry always thought of her as a little sister but then he discovered what a dick was and he was like YEAH LEMME MARRY HER. I will never get over the outrage of Harry’s romance with Ginny. I would sooner accept Harry being in a weird love triangle with Hermione than I would accept him with Ginny. Like I said, I love Ginny. I just can’t stand their relationship
- Yuri don’t let yourself get baited into a dance
batt- I SAID DON’T GET BAITED INTO A DANCE BATTLE! GODDAMNIT YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO
BE MEETING SPONSERS!
- Victor! Mila! Stop encouraging them! AND STOP
- Victor you’re not even drunk! STOP DANCING WITH
THE SLOPPY DRUNK
- Why is there a stripper pole in here? Why is
this allowed to get out of hand? WHERE THE HELL ARE CHRIS AND THIS DRUNK’S
- Victor! DON’T LET DRUNKS HUMP YOU IN FRONT OF
SPONSERS! NO, YOU CAN’T TAKE HIM BACK TO HIS ROOM! I DON’T CARE IF YOU THINK
YOU’RE IN LOVE HE’S DRUNK AND YOU’RE AN IDIOT! I’LL TAKE HIM BACK TO HIS ROOM
BEFORE YOU MAKE ANY MORE BAD DECISIONS.
- *sends Celestino a strongly worded email about
keeping an eye on his pupils in the future the next morning*
- Victor stop. Stop pining. You aren’t in love. No
I don’t believe in love at first sight and I certainly don’t believe in love at
first drunken humping. You’re right I’m not taking this seriously. He hasn’t
contacted you because he was DRUNK OUT OF HIS MIND! Did you see how much booze
he downed? It’s a wonder he didn’t die of alcohol poisoning. Just stfu and
- Victor no. It’s not a message. Victor no! Don’t
give up your career for an ill-advised booty call! UGH if I can’t stop you just
make sure our Yuri doesn’t find out where you went.
- WHY ARE YOU IN JAPAN TOO YURI! I COULDN’T STOP
VICTOR MAKING AN ILL-ADVISED BOOTY CALL BUT YOU ARE TOO YOUNG TO BE ATTEMPTING
THAT! YEAH SURE YOU’RE NOT THERE FOR THAT I’VE SEEN YOUR ROOM! …NO ONE HAS 30
POSTERS OF SOMEONE IN THEIR ROOM BECAUSE THEY ‘HATE THEM JUST SO MUCH’ YOU’RE
FOOLING NO ONE KID!
- OMFG did you really give him a program about the
night he got sloppy drunk and you turned into even a bigger moron? You’re going
to put me into an early grave.
- MILA! STOP POKING THE SMOL ANGRY CHILD! HIS
SCREECHING HURTS MY EARS!
- Wait, why the hell do I have to go live with my
ex-wife and the angsty teen? I don’t want to have to listen to a list of my
failures or a catalogue of all the ways Drunk Yuri is the worst especially as
it tends to devolve into ‘stupid pig, how dare he be so good looking’.
- Victor stop trying to pretend this isn’t an
elaborate booty call. This is not how coaching works.
- I have the living legend who gave it all up to
be a pretend coach in order to get with a sloppy drunk, a sadist of a female
skater who stirs up trouble on purpose, an angsty teen who can’t tell the
difference between having a crush and hating someone and an emo skater who is
far too old to be as emo as he is. Kill me now.
- Maybe I was giving Victor a disservice. His
student is actually doing quite well and maybe they are taking it seriously and
HOLY FUCK NEVERMIND JUST KISS YOUR STUDENT IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE FUCKING WORLD
VICTOR YOU ASSHAT
- Yuri has calmed down and I’m just going to
ignore Victor. Yep that’ll work OMFG did you HAVE TO KISS HIS FUCKING SKATE?!?
THIS IS WHY YOU WEREN’T ALLOWED TO TAKE HIM BACK TO THE HOTEL ROOM! YOU HAVE NO
- You want me to what? Be his coach? Well…only
because I like Maccachin.
- You’re alright actually, I hereby allow you the
name Japanese Yuri instead of Drunk Yuri. You may be the only sane person I
know surprisingly. I still am going to tell you off for fucking up though.
- ….I take it all back. WTF was up with all the
- …They got engaged. Victor really is going to
marry him….I’m not even surprised at this point. Fine. Keep him Japanese Yuri.
He’s a pain in the ass anyway.
- YES! I AM A PROUD DAD/COACH! HAPPIEST I’VE BEEN
THIS WHOLE YEAR
- WTF? You’re coming back now? Idek what’s going
- Well done Yuri! I’m so proud of you for winning
- …They are doing a super romantic pairs skate
because of course they are.
- Okay so Victor is coming back to Russia to train
cool….wait what do you mean you’re still going to coach Japanese Yuri? WTF? HOW
WOULD THAT EVEN WORK? WTF NO.
Post Episode Twelve
- STOP FLIRTING IN THE RINK! WHY GOD WHY AM I
- STOP GROPING HIM VICTOR THERE ARE CHILDREN
- YURI P STOP THROWING THINGS EVERY TIME THEY FLIRT
Aries: You’re cool peoples, man. I can usually count on you to have fun with me. But sometimes you shut down. I don’t think you ever really let me know what your true feelings are. I wish you would let loose a little more and have fun like we both know you can.
Taurus: You’re too reserved for me sometimes. You never really talk and you can be really selfish sometimes. It would be cool if you actually started up a conversation with me so that I won’t be so insecure and think that you don’t like me.
Gemini: You’re my bestie. I love hanging out with you and going to all the hottest parties. You know how to have a good time the same way I do. But you can be really flaky and you lie to me a lot, which makes me mad. I wish you would be more honest with me.
Cancer: I love you so much and I don’t even know why. You’re clingy and babyish and emotional, which I usually hate, but, for some reason, I can’t even be mad at you. I love how caring you are and how much attention you give me. You love just as hard as I do. I just wish you weren’t so depressed sometimes.
Leo: You’re the bread to my butter and the peanut butter to my jelly. We’re like yin and yang. You are just as fabulous and fun as me and we always have fun for days every time we hang out. The only thing that sucks is we know how to push each other’s buttons which makes us fight a lot. I wish we didn’t have to go through that so much.
Virgo: You get on my nerves so freaking much. At the end of the day I still love you, but we just can’t ever seem to get along. I hate how much you criticize me and tell me I’m not living my life right. I also don’t like to be around you all of the time because it can be kind of depressing.
Libra: I love you so much. You’re super fun to talk to and you always have the latest gossip. You’re really fun and nice and you always try to get along with everyone. The only thing I don’t like is that you can be kind of nosy and get into my business.
Scorpio: You’re cool, but you’re fucking crazy, too. You get a little to hyped on your exes and want to talk about revenge plans, which puts me off. You can find better. You can handle a lot of liquor and fun when you’re not moody, and I like seeing that part of you more.
Sagittarius: You’re the person I can always call when I need a little pick me up. You’re a clown, but in a good way, and you’re really down to earth. I enjoy cracking jokes with you and just chilling and smoking weed together.
Capricorn: You’re the one I call when I need advice and someone to listen to y problems. You always know how to examine both sides of the story and figure out every possible solution. When I come to you for advice, I know I’m leaving with the best answer. The one thing I don’t like is that you never call me…you get so wrapped up in your work that you never reach out unless I reach out first. It makes me feel less important.
Aquarius: You’re pretty out there, and I think that’s why we get along. You accept me for who I am and don’t judge me for anything. You’re always doing something crazy that makes me laugh. Sometimes, you get pulled into your own dimension and I have no idea what you’re thinking about. I don’t like to feel like our relationship is detached.
Pisces: You truly know how to make me feel special and loved. You’re always complimenting me on all of the things that make me insecure deep down inside. You like to talk with me one on one and hear about my problems without anything in return. Then you make me feel better. The only thing that throws me off is how sensitive and emotional you can be. I don’t like to have to bite my tongue in case I might hurt feelings.
How much love do you have to give before you see he’s not worth it there should be a limit to the heart he’s allowed to steal. im trying to tell you you’re so much better off without him and love songs taste better when they aren’t bittersweet so get the taste of him out of your mouth before it’s too late.
go on that date with that boy with the soft eyes and listen to his stories and kiss him against the movie theater wall and hold his hand during the movie because goddammit horror movies terrify you but there is something so thrilling about seeing one with him.
wake up early on Sunday’s and go running and force yourself to learn to again love the songs that were his favorite because they were your favorite first and he doesn’t need to take them too.
he might’ve been good for awhile but he’s not the same anymore.
stop loving him.
i promise everything will be so much brighter when you do.
let him go before he drags you down with him– Lily Rain
The first openly gay NHL player can’t be single in Seattle!
Since Eric can’t risk telling anyone he has a boyfriend (especially a closeted NHL-er), his only option is to play along as the Schooners go out of their way to find Eric a boyfriend. This wouldn’t be a problem if his well-meaning teammates didn’t keep trying to introduce him to other closeted players, of which there are more than he would have guessed. Now Eric has to survive a night with Kent Parson.
As the first openly gay player in the NHL, Eric is used to being locker rooms filled with guys bundled up so tight a TSA scanner couldn’t find their genitals; but then there’s stuff like this. Brazen nudity of the ‘I recognize you’re attracted to men, look how cool I am with it’ variety. His new captain leans toward the latter in a way that would make Shitty proud.
“Bittle, we’re going out with a few Aces. You met Kent Parson?”
Mitchell ‘Cricket’ Crocker is pushing 30 and already going gray. He’s also standing in front of Eric’s stall, naked as the day he was born, unconcerned with the fact his junk is at Eric’s eye-level.
Let’s say you don’t have a car but need one to get around. So one day your boyfriend says he’s going to buy you one and gets you a 2004 Honda Civic. It’s not the BEST car out there but you now have a car. You can get around, live a more normal life and sure it costs money to repair it but that comes with the territory.
After a few years you and your boyfriend break up.
Your new boyfriend HATES everything that has to do with your ex, including your 2004 Honda Civic. He promises that he’s going to get you something better, the best, everyone will love it. It’s going to improve your life so much more than that 2004 Honda Civic. You push back and say, I like my Civic, it works, it’s saved you so many times. You’re good with it.
But he just won’t let it go because every time he looks at it, it reminds him of your ex.
He finally gets rid of your car and replaces it with a unicycle with a popped tire.