I Only Want To Say... -Jesus, “Gethsemane”, from Jesus Christ Superstar
I had the opportunity of a lifetime to meet Sam and Caitriona in NYC on September 30th. They are absolutely luminous in person - both physically and, I don’t want to sound like a hippie or anything, but spiritually. They just glow with beauty from the inside.
But I almost didn’t get there. The weekend before, the weekend of the first ever MPC Gathering (September 22nd-24th), which should have been a joyous meeting of people from all over the world, was filled with anxiety and in some cases, downright fear for me. Two things were happening simultaneously that weekend: I was being stalked by a fellow peaker, with all my actions being reported to arguably the biggest troll in the fandom. And because of lies spread by that same troll and others of his ilk, the organizers of the NYC event were threatening to take away my ticket because other people on the guest list/the organizers believed the lies that were told about me and complained about my presence.
These lies have been told about me for years; lies, given their source and vehement repetition, have become accepted as truth over time. I can’t prove a negative. I can only say who I am and what I have done.
STALKING AND BREACH OF PRIVACY
The first issue - stalking - I was followed to a dinner, information that was only available to fellow peakers in a private group, information that was shared on public social media. I was watched at all the MPC events and my “behavior” and whereabouts again were reported. Sharing of information from the private MPC Facebook group is against the rules and grounds for immediate removal.
One of my posts from the private, official MPC Facebook group was screen capped and shared - again a violation of trust as a peaker and very much against the rules. This post was used to spread lies about me allegedly deleting things because I was “afraid I’d let too much information out” or something of the like.
I have emailed the information about the stalking and sharing of information from MPC to Jordana Brown and Alex Norouzi with no response. I have also contacted them in private message. I sent a group message this morning; only John Valbonesie replied. Jordana has re-posted the Facebook rules, adding verbiage about bullying, but as of the time of her post, both Caroline Spencer and Melanie Leopold were still members of the group.
I also contacted the police about the stalking, as well as my lawyer. For now, we are holding the information and waiting.
EDINBURGH AND PRINTING
The post that was shared from the private MPC Facebook group referred to a visit I made to Edinburgh which included a paper making class. I booked my class through her public website. I know other fans who have done just what I did, have bought works from her or commissioned pieces. I paid and learned about/made paper. We never talked about Sam or Outlander. Why? Because it wasn’t appropriate or relevant to what we were doing.
I had a delightful afternoon with another lady, learning about and making some beautiful paper. As an artist, I was fascinated to learn a new expressive form, especially visual. I will treasure those pieces beyond any souvenir I’ve ever bought because I made them with my own hands.
N.B. - it is GlasGow not Glascow, cattle being few and far between in the city
In the Tumblr post above - which includes my post from the MPC Facebook page (my words, my post, my property, so I’m not breaking rules by sharing it) - multiple references are made as to why I would be in Edinburgh. I have gone to the capital several times each time I’ve been to Scotland, it’s a beautiful city, with so much history and so many things to see. Bloodwise Scotland is there (not in GlasGow). Ailsa Aitkenhead, my collaborative pianist for my concert, teaches at the university and so we rehearsed there. Additionally, I don’t think I need to justify where I go on holiday to anyone nor do I need to confine myself to one city.
NEVER HAVE I EVER
I can’t recall all the lies that have been told about me over the years. Obviously I was accused of stalking Sam and his mother on my recent trip. More recently I’ve been accused of having a Tumblr dedicated solely to posting daily hate directed towards Sam and Caitriona. This lie was so ingrained in the fandom that I had to talk to Bloodwise on the phone to clear the air, lest they pull all support of my fundraisers (they are still hesitant to support me on twitter because of a certain, well-known, blue check troll)
This (flutefantasy) is my only Tumblr account; as you can see, it’s not very active.
But for a moment, let’s talk about the things I have NOT done
N’er have I e’er
- Followed Sam in an airport taking pictures of his ass while he shopped for magazines
- Stood over him on a plane while he sleeps
- Almost drowned at Blackness Castle trying to see him filming
- Got hurt at Dunure Harbor trying to see him filming
- Climbed trees 10 feet above the wall at Dysart Harbor, which in turn is 30 feet above the water, to take pics of filming (and I was in Scotland during the filming of those scenes)
- Grabbed Sam’s ass, kissed him on the lips, had him sign a body part or gotten a tattoo of his name or image
- Threatened to punch Sam or otherwise cause him bodily injury because I thought he wasn’t paying enough attention to me
- Hung out (for hours/days) where he supposedly lives and is known to shop, eat, etc, in the hopes of seeing him (this happened as recently as September 2017 even though Sam wasn’t in Scotland)
In 2015 I happened on the filming at Deanston Distillery. I was on a tour with my friend Kristina, led by Steve McLeish of Outlandish Journeys. We had just left Doune Castle and saw the filming signs. We followed them to the village. I saw the drivers and gave them gifts I had for them and the cast. The cast were busy filming. I was the only fan there. I could have had exclusive access. Did I wait for hours for them to finish? No. Because I was on a custom tour and wasn’t going to waste hundreds of dollars or time in Scotland sitting around and possibly not even get to see them. Feel free to contact Steve on twitter and confirm this.
You make up lies about me left right and center. You pass them off as scripture and people believe them, to my detriment. You know you are lying.
I have donated, done concerts (at my own expense) tweeted about and taken part in fundraisers for all Sam and Caitriona’s charities. I tweet weekly love for Sam and Cait. I fully support them, their careers and their charities. I believe their personal lives are their business, not ours.
I don’t engage with trolls and haters. I post and interact with my friends. I mind my own business. You seek me out to bully and harass me. I have most of you blocked. Yet my social media is screen capped and I seem to be a constant topic of conversation. My social media is all positivity, humor, animals, Outlander and some politics. What does your social media look like? Hate and ridicule and lies
NOTE - All of these tweets/accounts, and more besides going back years have been reported over and over again by me and others, to no avail.
Have I done/said things I regret? In this fandom or in life in general? Yes. Anyone who says otherwise is a liar or living in a fantasy. I’ve made amends where I can and live with the things I can’t.
In line at the NYC event, I was next to a couple of ladies. We talked for about 30 minutes waiting to get in. At one point, one of the ladies said “I hear one of those nasty shippers is here tonight. I won’t say names but she plays the flute”. I thought for a second if I should say anything or let it be. I looked her in the eyes and said that was me. She didn’t believe it. It took a few minutes of convincing because she was sure the “flute shipper” was a crazy person and I was so nice and normal. Then she said she had met other people in the fandom who had “reputations” and they were also nice and normal and not at all like what social media portrays them to be. I found this to be such a relief.
The only sour note (sorry for the pun) was that she left me with this comment, and I’m paraphrasing because I don’t remember her exact words “well just behave so that I can tell others you aren’t what they say”. (I later learned that she attacked me on twitter the following week. I was told this by others, as it turns out she has me blocked.)
Behave? Am I recalcitrant toddler? Do I or any other member of this fandom need to have my actions monitored for appropriateness?
That right there I think is one of the issues in this fandom. If you don’t “behave” according to what one group thinks is acceptable, then you are crazy, delusional, awful, stalker, etc. Sadly I got a lot of dirty looks throughout the night in NYC. The organizers made sure that I was ok and happy. I am grateful to them for that. But I wonder if Caitriona and Sam know the true depths of pettiness and hatred they were in the midst of that Saturday night. Do you realize that the things you accuse me of are not only things I haven’t done but are actually true of you?
Jordana has finally responded to me tonight - after I made a public post in the MPC Facebook group. She refuses to enforce her own rules and remove the two people who shared my information in a willful and malicious act, not an accidental or innocent share. She states she will talk to one of the two of them but that is all. I have to wonder if Shatner has some influence here.