“It has no become a part of my daily routine, missing you. I wake up with the familiar ache in my chest. I shower and try and rinse away the dreams of your hands touching me. I catch myself thinking of your smile in class. I lay in the dark and convince myself that I will be just fine, that I don’t need you. I wake up, and repeat.”
Just because I’m used to it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt like hell. I miss you so badly.
I met a new guy.
and he treats me right.
Yet I still can’t stop thinking about you
and the things you said.
You said you would always love me
but you didn’t.
You said you would always be there for me
but you left.
And you said that I was going to be okay
but I’m fucking not.
The thing that makes it worse
is that I can’t blame you.
Despite all of your venomous words
and your icy touch,
I can’t blame you for not wanting me anymore.
But I can blame me.
I can blame me for being a little too sad all the time
and for being a little too hard to love.
I don’t hate you
But I do hate me.
I want to slap your words on your face - every promise, every assurance.
I want to take your gestures and throw them in the trash because that’s where they belong, that is what they are - garbage.
I want to to delete every call log, every sweet message and every little thing that will remind me of you because I shake in anger everytime they remind me of what you did to me.
I want to stand in front of you, face to face and ask you to tell me straight in the eyes that you don’t love me anymore because I deserve more than just being left without an explanation - I deserve a good bye at the least.
Because no you didn’t stick to your words;
No, your gestures were for naught;
No, those efforts were all lies;
But most of all, no, you didn’t love me.
And for that, i hate you.
But i hate myself more for falling for a boy like you.