I keep feeling like I'm bisexual but when I told a friend of mine and she asked if I was born with it, I said no and she got mad about it because it's nothing you just choose, it's either you're born with it or not and well it's only until now where I'm open to date guys, but I'm not attracted to them or specifically I don't see much guys in my school that I find attractive yet there are some celebrities I do find attractive (male) so Idk if that makes me bi or something else
I hate it when people ask what sounds like an open-ended question, but they are really looking for a specific “right” answer. Not everyone experiences their orientation in the exact same way, and you don’t have to fit the most common narrative to be valid. Some people have naturally fluid orientations, and that’s totally okay. Your orientation can absolutely change.
The reason this is an issue is because of queerphobic rhetoric saying that being gay/bi/lesbian/pan/etc is a choice and that it is the wrong choice, and that we should choose to be straight instead. Many people fight back against this by saying that it is not a choice. Of course, this is not exactly the same as saying you are born that way, but the two get conflated sometimes. You could have a fluid orientation that you can’t choose or control. On top of that, some people have orientations that change due to a traumatic event, and it’s terrible to conflate this with a choice.
I think it’s important to combat this queerphobic rhetoric a different way: instead of arguing that it’s not a choice, we should be arguing that it’s not wrong to be different, to be anything other than straight and/or to be visible about it. Because when we say that being queer/etc is only valid because it’s not a choice, we don’t really combat the idea that it is inferior to being straight. We don’t defend bisexual or pan people who choose to be in a same-sex relationship, or people who feel they could be happy in either a monogamous or polyamorous relationship but choose the latter. We don’t defend people who are loudly and proudly out. And we don’t do enough to push back against the homophobic argument that “gay people are called to be celibate.”
No matter what you feel the origin of your orientation is, you are valid and you don’t need to justify your existence to anyone.