i hate work i really do

A Friday Five

- I don’t feel like doing anything today. I’m at work, but man I’m ready to go home.

- I’m starving. Like really hungry. Stomach growling. I wish lunch would hurry up.

-I’m working on some stuff for my stand up,but I just can’t seem to get it right. I know where I want to go but figuring out how to get there is the problem. It’s driving me crazy.

- I hate being indecisive. It’s one of my least favorite qualities. I sometimes wonder what it would be like to not second guess every decision you make.

- Thinking up five things about yourself is tough.

anonymous asked:

I’m not a fanfic writer, but I feel just awful that someone actually dared to steal everyone’s hard work!! People put their blood sweat and tears into their stories and the fact that someone wants to destroy that is absolutely horrible and unforgivable!!

Thank you, Nonnie…yes to all of this. I’m beyond livid right now. I was able to report this assclown, so that’s good. I just hate that Wattpad now has all of my real information now but whatever…

I am kinda amused that out all of my work, they chose that particular one-shot to steal. Like…really? That’s the one you chose?

But back to the topic…yeah, this is just absolutely disgusting.


List all the things you’re currently working on in as much or little detail as you’d like, then tag some friends to see what they’re working on. This can be writing, art, vids, gifsets, whatever.

thank you to @femkinkharry for tagging me!! (and indulging my love of rambling about my wips ahaha)

disclaimer: some of these are merely ideas that have graduated from the “fic ideas” do to their own doc but are just notes and loose ideas atm but i’m counting them because i’m only actively working on two and i can’t properly talk about one of them because it’s for an anonymous challenge :p

1. my big bang fic!! affectionately known as tacom because i hate doing title reveals this far in advance ahaha basically it’s a single dad harry au which was 100% inspired by this picture and it’s weird because i normally can’t stand parent fics but i’m really excited for this one!! and even though it’s an au i’m having fun playing around with the dynamics of the band and “what if louis hadn’t auditioned for the xfactor?” (i mean here it’s because he’s younger than harry but ygm) it’s also got headband louis!! and beanie louis!! and footie louis!! (wrapped up in one louis obviously this isn’t one of those triplet fics lmao)

2.  this damn fic already has a planned sequel and time stamp save me

3. i can’t actually reveal too much about this one because it’s for the @moodboardprompts challenge but it’s unlike anything i’ve ever written before and a really fun chance to test my storytelling abilities!!

4. untitled youtuber au based on this fanart that i’m having a lot of fun with and has to potential to become a series ^__^

5. 7,000 words of a royal/chosen one au that was intended for my fandomtrumpshate prompt fill but i abandoned it and wrote the skies above us” (cheeky #spon) instead and now i’m considering changing it to larry

6. fake dating/uni au based on this post that i abandoned and plan to pick back up soon (and also change to larry :p)

other less fleshed out ideas include: a teen wolf au, a ziam carry on crossover, a fic where i can finally use this title i’ve wanted to use forever that may or may not involve kidnapping, a royalty!au very very very loosely based on “the prince and me” and a lot more that i won’t list because this would get way too long haha

i tag: @kclenhartnovels @cosyblack @arituzz @bazwillendinflames @rainbowbaz and @bazinjeanstm :D

avaquetv2  asked:

What type of fics do you enjoy reading? I do first person narrative and I know there are people out there who absolutely hate first person and I just wanted your opinion I guess ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I’ll read just about anything if the overall writing is good, but in general….
Third person sort of works better for me personally, I think.
I don’t have anything against first person fics/stories, and they can be done -really- well, but it takes a bit more for me to get into them. If that makes sense.

Very Important!!

You all are most likely going to hate me but I’m getting bored of the Robles :( I really want to do a storyline with poses but they don’t work for me. Anyone have some good tutorials they can point me too? Also, do poses work on Mac? I feel like an idiot. Posts of the Robles are still going up because my queue still has 30ish posts but I won’t be fill it back up, atleast not for now.


– but Mint Eye Yoosung tho ((mmmMMm how r u gonna smooth all that edge))

SPOILERS!!! [sort of] gr8 now i wanna draw mint eye rfa Flipped!AU zzz ((basically the only good people are saeran and rika ++ MC idk AAAAAAAA))

sorry ive been a bit inactive bc of work but hhh here’s some quick sketches sjkdfhdk O<-<

to early emphasis: dear cloud’s nine has confirmed that she was asked by jonghyun to post his final note before passing to fans. she has also confirmed that she was given the blessing from his family to share it with the world. you can find confirmation of this here. below will be proper triggers for this post as it is not easy to read. i will also leave nine’s comment that she left on her post as it is important in regards to why she was asked to post it. if you feel that i have missed any please do not hesitation message me on my personal blog (jaekyung) and i will add them as quickly as i am able to. also thank you to sonexstella for translating.


trigger warning(s): death tw, depression tw, suicide ideation tw, suicide tw

nine: i said my final goodbye with jonghyunnie. even after seeing his smiling portrait of the deceased, it still feels like jonghyunnie will come to me and smile as if all of this was a dream.

starting from awhile back, jonghyunnie told me his dark and deep internal stories. i think each day was very difficult for him. i kept having uneasy thoughts so i made it known to his family and tried my hardest to capture his heart but it only ended up postponing time and i could not block his last (action).

i still cannot believe he is not in this world and it’s so painful. i’m still afraid, not knowing if it’s the right thing to upload these words but jonghyun himself asked me to please upload these words if he disappeared from this world. i wished this day would never come …

after discussing with his family i am uploading his final note, according to his last wishes. i think that there must be a reason why he left this up to me. i worry that there will be controversy. however, i think that he predicted this and asked me, so i decided that i will do the one last thing i can do for jonghyunnie.

i hope everyone knows now that jonghyun was not alone and that he worked hard … that he did really well … please thank him for withstanding well …

beautiful jonghyun, i really love you a lot. going forward, i will love you a lot. in that place, please don’t be in pain and i hope you will be peaceful …


i am broken from the inside. depression that slowly ate away at me ended up swallowing me. i couldn’t beat it. i hated myself. i held onto memories that have died out and, even though i shouted to snap out of it, there was no response. if suffocating breaths will not open up it’s better instead to stop.

i asked who can take responsibility for myself. it’s you. i was completely alone. it’s easy to say you’ll end it. it’s hard to end it. i lived up to now admist that difficulty. you said i wanted to run away. that’s right. i wanted to run away. from myself. from you.

i asked who was there. i said it was me. again, it was me. and once again, it was me. i asked why i kept losing memories. it’s my personality. i see. in the end, it’s all my fault.

i hoped someone would notice, but no one knew. never met me, so of course, no one knew i was there. i asked why i was living. just. just. everyone just lives. if i asked why someone would die, you would say you’re exhausted. i suffered from concern. i never learned how to change tiresome pains into joy. pain is just pain.

i urged myself not to be like that. why? why can’t i end it according to my own will? i tried to find out why i was in pain. i knew too well. i am in pain because of myself. it’s all because it’s my fault and because i’m foolish.

teacher, did you want to hear these words? no. i did nothing wrong. when he blamed my personality with a quiet voice i thought it was so easy to be a doctor.

it’s fascinating to see why i’m in this much pain. people who have more hardships than i do live well. people who are weaker than me live well. maybe that’s not it. of people who are alive, there is no one who has more hardships than i do, and who is weaker than i am.

despite this, i was told to live. i asked why this is the case a hundred times, and it’s never for me. it’s for you. i wanted it to be for me. please don’t say things you don’t know. find out why it’s difficult. i told you many times why it’s difficult for me. with that, is it not possible for it to be this difficult? does there need to be more concrete drama? are you wanting more of a story? i already told you. did you not pay attention? what i can overcome doesn’t leave a scar.

colliding with the world must not have been my fate. being known to the world must not have been my life. that’s why everything was difficult. colliding, and being known was difficult. why did i chose that. it’s a funny incident.

it’s commendable that i was able to withstand up to this point. what more can i say? just tell me i worked hard. that i did a good job. that i went through a lot. even if you can’t smile, please don’t send me off in blame.

you worked hard. you went through a lot. goodbye.

Help me leave my abusive household please


I’m desperately unhappy with my homophobic, misogynistic religious family. I’m an 18yo bisexual bipolar non-believer (ex-muslim) woman. My family is extremely abusive and switch between totally ignoring me or being the meanest, crulest parents they could ever be : telling me to die, that I’m not a good daughter, a slut, that if I wear this or this I would get raped and that would be my fault, forcing me into Roqya (thinking there’s a demon inside of me) where I would literally get BRUTALIZED (my hair got pulled, I got beaten up..). Living in a religious family when you’re bisexual, bipolar and atheist means being the saddest you could ever be. I’m always anxious, scared of being caught (my dad once installed a spy software to literally watch what I’m doing, he saw I watched porn and beat me up) or that my parents would fight. As a child, I had to see my parents fighting over money (my dad is a gambling addict) literally twice a week. This obviously worsened my anxiety and probably is why I’m bipolar today. My mom would beat my father and my father would do the same. If my parents ever find my tumblr or my twitter, I would get disowned and thrown out of my house. Also when I was 7 I was severely sexually assaulted (I don’t wanna get in details) by one of my family member and my mom knows it and did nothing about it. Just to make you realize and shitty this woman is.

In order to be happy, I NEED to leave this household. This isn’t about me wanting to get independant, it’s a matter of life or death : if I don’t leave this family, I WILL either shoot myself or get thrown out, and my bipolar disorder would get worse.

To sum this up, my mom is a manipulative w**** and my dad is a gambling addict. They’re religious and I’m not. They’re homophobic and I’m bisexual. They think I have a demon inside of me when I actually need therapy. I’m scared that I will kill myself during a depressed phase, so i need to leave this family. I never ask for help, but please, please, help me. Even one euro would help. Please help. Thank you.. If you can’t help, please reblog…

I need about 1000€ for one year of rent (minus the housing assistance I could get). Thank you.

maryya.hussein@gmail.com for paypal (country is France)

After I complained on here about my difficulty in getting ADHD meds, a friend referred me to her psychiatrist and other friends helped me actually get an appointment set up and I went to it and I got prescribed ADHD meds. A couple different kinds, so I can document how they affect me and figure out with the psychiatrist which ones work best.

I took them for the first time last Thursday. They’re supposed to last a fairly short time, four to six hours; I took one before I went to work and had a fine day at work, productive but not outrageously so, nothing to particularly write home about, and I had mostly forgotten that I was on ADHD meds by the time I got home.

There was a choir staging rehearsal, so I was watching the baby for the evening, and the dishwasher was broken so there was like a week of dishes in the sink, and I really wanted pasta with homemade tomato sauce so I started that on the stove and put the baby in his high chair with a spatula to chew on and sang him songs while I washed the dishes -

- and about halfway through this I realized that all of this was so profoundly out of character that my roommates, if they’d been home, might have suspected bodysnatching aliens.

I am too tired when I get home from work to cook dinner. Sometimes someone else cooks a thing I can eat, and sometimes I just drink an Ensure and go to bed. I hate doing dishes when the sink is full; I kind of hate doing dishes even when the sink is not full, and I’d done the dishes exactly once in the previous six months. I am not usually too tired to play with the baby, but only if he wants to come headbutt my pillows while I lie in bed.

Well, I thought, I guess ADHD meds actually do something! And I finished the dishes and finished the dinner and fed us both and did my laundry and cleaned my room and started putting the baby’s books on the bookshelves, which he objected to (he firmly believes that his books should be evenly dispersed through the house, so if he wants one it is always nearby), so I gave up and worked on a writing project I’m in the middle of.

If you knew two people, one of whom came home from work and cooked and cleaned and did childcare and then wrote fiction, and the other one who came home from work and crawled into bed and browsed Tumblr all evening, you would probably attribute other, underlying differences to them. The first one is motivated and driven; the second one is immature and not used to having to keep her own space clean and do her own chores. The first one is trustworthy and conscientious and gets things done; the second one, maybe not. The first one has more willpower; the first one works harder. 

It’s none of that. It’s brain chemistry.

I’m not saying that you can never accomplish anything through concerted effort - obviously you can, and effort matters a lot. I’m not saying that there’s no point in trying to expand the number of things you can do without changing your underlying brain chemistry; there is, and I do a lot of that, and it often works really well.

But I am saying that we attribute far, far too much of peoples’ behavior to virtue, to hardworkingness, to willpower, to passion, to values, when the actual underlying thing is none of those. And because of that, people hate themselves for being lazy, for being slow, for not trying hard enough. I wasn’t trying harder on drugs. I wasn’t trying at all. Cooking dinner on a normal night really is about willpower and effort and careful planning around my limitations and advance strategic decision making and triage. Cooking dinner on stimulants is just - the thing that happens when I walk into the kitchen and want to eat something. 

Drugs don’t work for everybody. (Honestly, they don’t totally work for me; I don’t like taking them two days in a row, and I wouldn’t want to take them if I had to get a specific thing done instead of Doing Things in general.) I think people who have a drug sometimes work for them are really lucky, in a lot of ways, because it’s hard to really believe that it’s not your priorities or personality, it’s your executive function, until you can observe how you behave with the same priorities and the same personality and vastly boosted executive function. But I also think this is true of people who never have a drug work for them. 

People vary, a lot, and one axis along which they vary is executive function, and it’s really hard to imagine what it’s like to be someone with way more executive function or way less executive function than you. At least for me, it doesn’t feel like trying harder or caring more. It feels like not needing to.


trade mistakes // panic! at the disco

I finally got an opportunity to finish this! I started drawing this like a month ago but I just haven’t had a chance to do any “finished” pieces as of late. A ton of people at comic con asked me if I had a Ruby Rose to go along with my Yang, and so I decided it was time to work on a print/poster version. It was slow going  but I really had fun drawing this :) Omg I hate drawing weapons O.O

anonymous asked:

Seeing as you value your trips to Japan greatly and you clearly respect their culture, what do you think Logan Paul and his trip to Japan where he basically ran around screaming while throwing pokéballs at people and waving fish at them?

(for the record ive only been to japan the one time)

when i watched him go into the shrine in Tokyo, i saw him do literally everything wrong.

it made me remember back to the first time i went to a shrine and i spent 45 minutes reading everything about shrine practices and testing myself so i wouldnt forget, like, the order that you clean your hands and how ur not supposed to let the water that was on ur hands spill onto the clean water

and how ur not supposed to walk down the middle of the path because that’s where the kami walks 

and generally hyper-stressing over stuff like that because i so desperately didnt want to be that foreigner.

for the record, my trip to the shrine went fine and the guy that i bought my ofuda and omamori from who was working there didnt seem annoyed w/ me. he had a real nice smile and made me feel really good.

so really all that it did was

A) make me hate the pauls more
B) make me realize that im not “that foreigner” because i could never possibly do anything as shitty as logan and his intensely bottom-feeder friends did.

A lot of you were requesting to see the DN towels I bought! I’m not actually sure what the text says, but aren’t they adorable? I don’t want to even use them, I just want to put them on display (*´ω`*)‘