i hate when they come out different even tho i used the same coloring

1. I should’ve bought more flowers for you, now I buy flowers even if today isn’t Valentine’s Day or a day with a specific meaning, in a way, every petal is imbued with an apology and every time someone leans in to smell it they can feel the parts of me that you’ve forgiven far long before I could

2. I didn’t start to feel better until I started to take better care of myself, a constant whisper of you saying “i was just worried about you”

3. You can’t let someone be your only source of happiness because once they’re gone, you’re all alone again and there’s nothing worse than starting all the way back over with yourself: square one of a broken heart multiplied by the intensity of she’s not coming back, let her go

4. Music will never betray me

5. Poetry is thinking that you’ve got it figured out and a metaphor is just your way of saying I don’t

6. Art rules the world and I am a masterpiece in progress; how can I love myself like how you did if I can’t see that little bit?

7. Lust isn’t conducive for growth, it’s like an addict trying to get his fix– some day, he’s going to break and not even the drug can help him

8. I buy myself nice things, but I can’t fill this emptiness inside of my heart– I guess some nights, I just miss being next to you

9. I still can’t get used to sleeping alone

10. Sometimes I wish I would’ve picked up your phone calls during the first few months, I broke my promise and you know something? I regret it

11. I threw away our love letters and memories two months ago, I cried the whole time– yeah, still a fool for you, but baby, we’ve changed so much, I’m happy with my unhappy

12. You once told me to go on many adventures without you, did you account for my depression? You know, I don’t blame you for any of this. In reality it was always an us thing, a too young thing, a stupid, mad love thing– as always, I still love you, I just don’t know what love is anymore

13. They were right, soulmates touch you and they change you forever– the moment a colorful paint filled brush hits the water and the figments of colors flow into the cup, you left my soul with so many seasons, I’m still raking up the leaves from last fall

14. The last time I saw you we shouldn’t have had sex, I think that night really broke you– I think that night really broke me too

15. I should’ve laid my head onto your chest and counted your heartbeats more often, I’m sorry

16. Sometimes when I talk to people and tell them random facts that you’ve filled my head up, I swear I can hear your voice echo in the back of my head– “baby, check this out, you’re gonna love it”

17. I always do

18. I still remember your favorite Harry Potter line

19. After all of this time? …Always.

20. I smoke cigarettes to think about how to think less, the fucking irony

21. I take painkillers and my excuse is that my right hand still hurts, in truth, I’m just another addict that believes if I take another maybe my heart might just start to sound like it belongs to me

22. I didn’t cut myself because I wanted to die, I cut myself open because I wanted to feel how often I made your heart break, each scar on my shoulders is a time when I’ve made you cry

23. And each night that I can’t sleep, I stay up wishing that you’re doing okay

24. I don’t pray often, but when I do, I always prayed for your mom, although she hated me, I’m so glad that she put you on this earth to allow us to meet– I have changed so much since I’ve met you

25. The crazy part? You still change me everyday

26. You know the renaissance era? Falling in love with you was like that

27. My favorite photo of us were those two kids eating a banana split at the New Orleans mall, I miss those two innocent kids, oh, how we’ve changed

28. We are destined to have this eternal flame kind of distance– the brighter I burn, the more you’ll read, the only thing that keeps me writing some days is knowing that somewhere, somehow you’re always reading, no matter who you’re with or if you’re laughing or crying or smiling

29. My number one fan was always you first

30. I’ve made so many bad decisions, you were never one of them

31. I’ve written so many bad poems, you were in every single one

32. I’ve written some pretty great ones too tho…!
You were also in those

33. I miss cleaning your eyes for you

34. I have met some amazing people because of what happened to us

35. I can’t get you by Fallbrooke the acoustic version is no longer on the internet, the funny part? The very last day that it was on the web, I downloaded it right before they removed it. It’s still my favorite song of all time, our song

36. Hold your tears by Clazziquai too

37. Sometimes when I get off from work, I sit in the car and cry, some tears don’t have meaning, they just need to come out

38. I claim to write poetry, but I feel like they’re just love letters sent to no one in particular

39. It’s not that I’m not over you, I’m just trying to get used to not needed you

40. It’s not that it hurts to the point where I can’t breathe, I’m just trying to light my own path to self-love and healing

41. The fact that your favorite color is orange, it makes the fruit taste some type of way

42. Sometimes I want to call you, but I don’t

42. Sometimes I want to text you and I do

43. Sometimes I want you to answer, I’m glad you don’t

43. Sometimes I just want to say fuck it all and call, I’m glad that I don’t

44. You stopped writing when we first met, in some way, the girl that waits by the shore has left a million pens near my desk and to this day– I wait by the shore too, just in case inspiration hits, right?

45. Our little codes of love finally decoded enough for me to not be blinded by you

46. We were both messed up people, I think we knew that about each other and maybe that’s why I always know when you’re not feeling okay

47. I still don’t have love figured out, but damn I’ll open every fucking door in my heart even if I have to go down the sewer to find every key

48. Someone says that she’s falling for me, I’m legit afraid to hurt people now– like it’s a real fear, I don’t want to hurt anyone anymore

49. I should’ve given you the stars, but instead I left your heart scattered across the universe

50. It’s been almost two year and I’m still writing about you, but at least it’s less often, right?

51. You’ve always been kinda self-centered, I think you enjoy it when I write about you. Like if I write about you in some way, maybe I’m still yours

52. We were just too damn young to realize how destructive passion, love, romance, stagnation, betrayal and pain is when mixed together

53. Sometimes I go to the places that we used to go just to create new memories without you

54. Sometimes it works

55. Most of the time, it just flicks me off

56. My brain is constantly telling me that I’m a fuck up and the more I try to get it right, the more I keep getting it wrong

57. I am trying to master the art of letting go

58. And this list is a step towards better things

59. And this life is going to be alright

60. Without you, I am still me

61. Without you, I can still breathe

62. Without you, I am still alive

63. Without you, I am still poetry

64. I can barely remember your face, I guess being around a lot of different people at work helps out plenty

65. This world is filled with pain, I hope you look back and smile about us some day

66. Maybe when you’re old and grey– you’ll remember those two young kids who slow danced in the dark

67. If we were made from the same star, I want to return home some day

68. I want to shine bright enough for the two of us

69. You’re still my best friend even if we no longer talk

70. You’ll always be my best friend

71. I still care about you

72. A whole fucking lot

73. The world is full of mysteries, I’m glad that we’re in the known, I’m glad that we’ve met

74. I hope you never regret me, you wanna know why? I could never, ever, ever, ever regret you

75. I don’t know how to open up to people anymore and I’m not sure if it’s my fault or yours– maybe this one time, it’s our fault… are you like this too?

76. I’ve been told that I’m too hard on myself, I firmly believe that one of the reason as to why we split was because I wasn’t hard enough on myself– I got too fucking comfortable with your promises and I took you for granted

77. Life waits for no one

78. I let an ex of mine break my red and black ring– she said that if I was over you, I’d let her break. I let her break it, but jokes on me, it didn’t change a thing about how I still feel about you

79. I keep writing and writing and writing because one of these days– it’ll stop being about you

80. Sometimes it works, but deep down, I know in some way, you’ll always find a way to sneak back out

81. I can’t get you out of my head sometimes

82. It’s even harder because you’re still inside of my heart

83. I saw this cool picture on Tumblr with someone cutting a piece of herself off that resembled two lovers splitting up, that shit looked like it hurt

84. Love hurts because even eating cotton candy ice cream really fast will give you a brain freeze

85. You didn’t like my rat tail idea, I grew one out just to fuck with you. Jokes on me, I love it now.

86. You never really supported the idea of me being anything, tbh, it’s not your fault. None of it is. I should’ve been my own motivation. I guess by supporting you through nursing school, I wanted to hear you say that I could do it even when I was at my lowest point.

87. I realized a few thing about loving you.

88. When you hit rock bottom, few will be loyal enough to stick it out with you

89. Money rules the world, since I’m not wealthy in any way– one day when I am, I can laugh a little about all of this

90. I think you loved our memories more than you loved me, in truth, I did too

91. Maybe that’s why it’s hard to get close to people

92. Maybe that’s why it’s hard to let you go

93. Maybe that’s why you still read

94. We had something raw and experimental, young and dumb, mistakes on top of mistakes

95. It was a perfect compass to point us to our future selves

96. I know a great many things now– although I am depressed, with or without you

97. I am great, I am strong

98. I am my own happy before anyone else’s

99. I can love myself enough to let you go

100. I had to hurt you to really, really grow–
I think to this day, that’s the thing that hurts me the most. That I had to hurt my best friend in this whole wide world, to make you crumble, to make you cry, to make you hate me– I had to do all of that in order to love myself. And it’s sad because here I am, still trying to figure it all out.



With or without you, I will be a better person.
—  100 things I figured out when we broke up
STASH OF ADVICE

These are tips for future Nicole fr past Nicole who made a lot of mistakes this school year ┗(•̀へ •́ ╮ ) so I hope at least some of you can relate to this stash of tips I have kept for myself in my notes for incoming Senior High levels!

1.  WRITE NOTES ON GIVEN ACTIVITY SHEETS
& keep your papers organized (please)

Write tiny notes on the given activity sheets instead of putting them in your binder notebook (ok my own preference tho!!) bc one paper = topic is better than multiple messy papers = one huge topic!


Keep reading

johnny as a boyfriend

Originally posted by nakamotens


  • oh daddy
  • there i did it @jisoodrinkssopretty are you happy
  • anyway here’s johnny!!!
  • he’s literally so soft like i’ve never seen someone so tol and dorky and precious i just love johnny okay
  • johnny as a boyfriend would probably start awkward
  • like johnny is rlly friendly so i think he’d be the type to have a lot of really close friends
  • but when it comes to relationships he’s actually clueless like he has no idea how to ask you out or treat you the way he wants to
  • you work around nct as a translator and hang out w them whenever they go to other countries

Keep reading

J.’s passing tips for FTMs

Um hello there.
After reading several guides myself, practicing, finding out what’s comfortable for me and so on and so forth, I decided to write a passing guide myself, for all those FtM people out there who need a bit of help.


First: Clothing.
✘ Clothing is a very important point. Feminine clothing obviously will not help you passing as a male. Keep that in mind when you are out shopping (on your own, or with a person who knows about your mental state - a little help from a second pair of eyes is worth more than rubies.)
✘ Despite what people say - rather stick to bigger sizes! I’ve made this experience myself. Look, your body shape is the one of a woman. (I know it’s hard, I fvck up myself because of that every single day again, but it just is a fact you shouldn’t forget about.) You need to cover up this shape and this won’t work when you buy men’s clothing in your very size (mine is - German -  M/L, idk what sizes are existing over the whole world), because then you just look like a butch girl in men’s clothing. But don’t break the limit of oversizing. I’ve noticed that one to two sizes over your normal are enough in the most cases. Bigger clothing will not only help you correct your body shape in front of others, it’s also super comfortable and, depending on your style, it can really look cool. (I will soon upload a photo series of my favorite outfits, some that made me help pass in front of curious cis males, friends, and random ppl like in the train.)
✘ I highly recommend wearing T-Shirts with a round cleavage, sweaters, hoodies, and, most important of all, men’s trousers. This is hella important. At the beginning, you might think “Oh that’s a woman’s trouser, I can wear that one since it is a little to big for me” - don’t do that. Just don’t. Woman’s pants are always cut to fit your female body shape, so it points out your curves - thighs, ass, and nearly everything else covered with it. Whatever you try, in a woman’s trouser, you will always look female in some way. It doesn’t matter if it’s oversized it still has the same effect. Therefore I recommend to get yourself men’s pants with a regular leg or a straight leg cut. Mine hide my ass (which is quite large since I’m riding a horse 2-3 times per week), straighten my thighs and overall give me a straighter body shape - and that’s just what you want to look like, right?
Be super careful with hats. By that I do not only include hats, but also beanies, etc. You really need to try them on in front of a mirror and do some positioning chances in case you really want to wear one. Beanies usually are good (maybe if you have quite long hair and can’t get a haircut at an instant?), but sometimes, they make your head appear bigger than it is, which lowers your change of passing because all the attention is drawn on your face (I will talk about the face thing below!). Here, you need to go check yourself what is comfortable for you and what you really want.


Second: Packing.
This is the point I always hate the most. I have not tried it yet, but I have already ordered my STP packer and then, I will post another text about his topic. But still, I will explain my opinion and thoughts to you here.

✘ PRO PACKING: Well, that’s obvious, isn’t it? A packer can reduce some of your weaknesses caused by your female body. I wouldn’t go that far to say those are “defects”, but I refer to transsexuality as a defect in genetics, where boys are born with a X chromosome to much and a Y chromosome missing. I have noticed myself on journeys or festivals that going to loo can be extremely hard and distressing and even depressing (depends on the person tho) when you lack something a cis male is born with. (An STP can help there, that’s why I’m going to try it.) Plus, some transmen I know like to see the small bulge the packer creates in their pants. For optics, it just looks like there really was the stuff you are still bodily lacking in your pants! That always depends on the packer and on the person. You may like it, or you may feel like you’re carrying a boner around.

✘ CON PACKING: Where there a pros, there always have to be cons. Some may regard packing as unneccessary and I can totally understand that. You can walk around with that bulge or pee standing up or you don’t, that’s up to you. It is not neccessary to pack. You even might be reminded of what you biologically lack and that can be suuuuper depressing and discouraging. Besides, nobody looks your crotch closely anyway. (A good packing is not catching the eye anyway since you don’t want to look like a molester with an erection, right?) And people who might see you in underwear are also in the most cases likely to see you naked, so there basically is no need to convince them of something you really don’t have. And, on top of it all, a really good, hand-made packer, that doesn’t only consist of a GoGirl & a Mr Limpy, but is one piece in fact, can be really expensive. (And you are most likely to need a harness to wear your packer, which creates more costs and can also be quite difficult to handle in reality!)


Third: Face.
Keep in mind that, despite what you think, your face just has no edges like cis guys have them. You mostly rather have a rounded face, because that’s what’s typical for AFABs. On T, those edges may show, but not before. So whatever you do, whatever you like, do not wear make-up. NOT. EVER. I cannot keep repeating this loud and often enough. It’s something different for eyebrows, but you should leave your skin clean. Even concealer or powder will be noticable, and people will think you are a girl playing guy for fun. If you are very good with make-up, you might try shades to point out edges, but that mostly looks super artificial and won’t help you pass.
✘ It can be super hard to tame your eyebrows. Therefore, I recommend: Let them grow, and then give them a form. And use an eyebrow pencil fitting your haircolor if you like (as for me - my natural hair color is blond, so my eyebrows are blond, but my hair is dyed black and so I’m using a black pencil). Cis males usually have thick eyebrows, and you can create this impression yours are as well by using the pen’s color en masse and then combing the brow’s hairs upwards with a neat comb. Everybody can decide for themselves, but that’s the thing that helped be the most. About the kink (? is this the right word? idk correct me if I’m failing the English language), I solved this problem ( it in fact is a problem, only females have this very kink, males don’t) by letting the eyebrows grow and then shaving/plucking off the hair from above. And then the comb thing. It’s up to you, I’m just sharing my personal experiences.
Shave off your peach fuzz. Peach fuzz is something only guys in puberty have - and females of course. Grown males either have a beard - which will come with the T since you choose to apply for it - or nothing, because they’re shaved. So cut it off. The skin will feel ticklish and dry, but you will get used to it. Cold water directly after shaving, or a skin cream (I have own for sensitive skin, an after-shave care cream), can help.


Fourth: Body.
✘ Sports are important. Also, like every other thing, it’s up to you if you do it or don’t, but I highly recommend it. You might not have a muscular body yet, but you can start building up one with some easy workouts. (T increases your muscle building even more, but starting pre-T will give you the routine!) I’m not saying that you should go to the gym and work out 4 times per week. No. There are many practices you can do on your own at home. (Personally, I am doing 10 - 40 pushups per day, and it significantly changes the line of my arm for I am building muscles there.) You can also check the internet for specific workouts, I’ve seen some on tumblr already.
Be sure you get enough food. The skinnier you are, the more frail you look. But males aren’t really frail (I know some, but those are exceptions.) Eating is important, healthy and tasty. I love food. And everybody else should. When you are starting to work out, you should also supply your body with the energy to do so. What food you eat, is irrelevant. Healthy food of course is the best (but I don’t do that myself, I love sweets). There are some foods that are applying on your bodily testosterone/estrogen levels, but let your fingers off those - it’s not that much that it will significantly change your body.
✘ Never ever take pills that are supposed to make your body super strong and muscular. Or skinny. Those are mostly fake and super dangerous!


Fifth: Hair.
✘ Hair is also one of those personal things, and I am not quite sure what to recommend. From talks and personal experience, I can only say that FTM guys with short, “boyish” hair are most likely to be passing.
Some guys can grow super long hair without looking stupid, most FTMs can’t do that, because it ruins the passing. I have quite long hair myself (ca. 20 - 30 cm), but I want to have dreadlocks and that’s why I’m letting it grow. If your hair matches your face in a way that does not make you totally feminine, you can also keep your long hair.
Do not - EVER - tuck hair behind your ears. Even if you have long(er) or annoying hair that’s always in your face. Just don’t do it.
✘ When you want to make a ponytail, there’s one thing I can recommend: Make the ponytail the lowest that is possible, place the hair tie right over your neck. Also, take all hair strands, and brush them from the from to the back before doing so, so that all the hair is compact in one ponytail without loose strands. Do not let loose strands flutter around or fall in your face. Makes you look feminine. (And don’t use hair slides, but I guess that’s clear.)


Alright, that’s all I can tell you for now.
I hope those tips will help you, at least a little bit. 
Remember, it takes some time to find out what’s good for you. Do not rush yourself.
As I said, I will soon post some pictures referred to in this post.
Liking & Sharing always appreciated.

Best wishes to you from Germany.
~ Julius

Thanksgiving with BTS

nj: hey seokjin im here and I brought the kids like u asked

sj: oh good I’m still cooking but u can all sit down

jh: who’s bringing the turkey again??

sg: jimin’s dad is bringing it when he drops him off. dumbass how’d u forget ?

jh: hey maybe he can bring u a personality too since u dont have one! :)

sj: y'all don’t start I’m not in the mood my pie is giving me hell

jk: maybe that’s a sign u shouldn’t be making one??

sj: maybe the fact that ur still in high school after 5 yrs is a sign u should just drop out but that doesn’t stop u for going in for ur 6th :))

nj: lol why do u even keep trying

jk: idk maybe the same reason why ur still trying to release a second mix tape even tho it’ll never beat yoongi’s

th: omg???

jm: hey guys my dad and I are here and we brought the turkey

sg: ur just in time jungkook was just telling namjoon that he’s a failure and that I’m the best rapper in bts

jh: lol ok and I’m mariah carey

sg: that explains how high ur voice gets when u see a roach

jh: it’s a phOBIA ITS NOT FUNN Y

jm: guys my dad’s here be respectful???

th: oh sorry hey jimin’s dad u raised a very swell little dude

th: he hugs me when I’m sad even when it was because he and jungkook took all the lines in lost and left me with like 2

jm: I told u I was sorry???

th: but u always go and do it again??

jm: it’s not my fault I have a more superior voice??

jk: lol superior where u sound like a freshly neutered dog having sex with an owl

jm: dont fucking come @ me like that u fucking lopsided coconut head ass

jk: I DONT GET TO PICK MY HAIR STYLE FOR THE COMEBACKS

jm: bUT U DONT HAVE TO LET THEM FUCK UR SHIT UP EVERY ERA

sj: IF YALL DONT SHUT THE FUCK UP WE HAVE FUCKING COMPANY U DISRESPECTFUL DISAPPOINTING SUBJECTS OF WASTED YOUTH

bts:

sj: jesus fucking christ the jungle can’t come sooner

nj: guys sit down before he tries to feed us to his mario collection again

jh: this is great all of us together sharing a wonderful meal and being successful

jm: hey daddy can u pass me the salt

yoongi and jimin’s dad both reach out:

jm:

jimin’s dad:

sg:

sg: can u let go now he asked me for the salt

jm: yoongi?? shut?? the?? fuck?? up??

jk: lol this is awkward

nj: so is the fact that u have no top lip

th: hey leave him alone it’s not his fault he was born lipless

jk: ur literally not helping

th: I’m doing as much as I can, I can’t juggle singing, acting, defending u, AND work on my verse for cypher pt5- that has so far exactly 27 lines and 3 different ‘sick beats’ to add both diversity and color to an otherwise bland track known as “every cypher without kim taehyung”

th: not to shade or anything.

nj: yea ur not getting on cypher pt5

th: why not I’ve been working so hard on my verse!!

nj: u can’t even rap??

sj: namjoon u can’t even remember to pull out so leave the poor boy alone and eat ur greens

nj: that’s was one time??

jh: then why do we have 3 kids here??

jm: IM NOT HIS KID MY DADS RIGHT HERE STOP SAYING THAT

sg: whoa babe it’s okay calm down I’m alright

jm: I was talking about my real dad plS SHUT THE FUCK UP MY DAD DOESN’T NEED TO KNOW ABOUT MY SEX LIFE

jk: too late lol

jm: oh is it too late for u to graduate too

jk: TRY ME SHORTY

jm: UR ON BUGS BUNNY

sj: iF U FUCK UP THIS DINNER TABLE AFTER I SLAVED AWAY IN THE KITCHEN FOR HOURS ILL FUCKING KICK U BOTH IN THE DICK

sj: NOw I want to go around the table and say what we’re most thankful for

sj: namjoon u start

nj: I’m most thankful for our precious army’s that go above and beyond for us all the time we love them so much and appreciate all the army’s all over the world and thank you all so much and thank you-

sj:

sj: kay that’s creepy yoongi u go next

sg: I was gonna say I’m most thankful for my fire mixtape but then I realized that I brought that to myself so I only really have myself to thank so thanks min yoongi u the true og

jh: ok that was tragic so I’ll go now

jh: I’m thankful for the sun that rises each morning-

sj: aw that’s nice

jh: -because it just goes to show that I shine brighter and there’s really no one who is better or brighter than me but the fact that the sun tries so hard is so cute and uplifting it feels great to squash it each morning :))

sj:

sj: taehyung how about u

th: I’m most thankful to the toilets because without them this world would be a really stinky and dirty place and people would have to poop in buckets or the woods and that’s nasty cos bears poop there so if we poop in the woods where do bears poop?? in our homes that’s where cos then they want revenge and-

sj: ur a disappointment I hope u know that

sj: jimin?

jm: I’m thankful for my daddy who always treats me right and loves me no matter what right dad?

yoongi and jimin’s dad: that’s right

sg: seriously why do u keep doing this

jm: I fucking hAtE mY Lif E

jk: guess it’s my turn

jk: I’m most thankful for this turkey for not being as dry as seokjin’s humor or jimin’s hair. thank u.

sj: that’s it I’m going to the jungle early I hope u all choke on ur dinner

msbowser  asked:

Senpai, how do I draw as you? (Puts on a cute, innocent face) Please teach me your ways.

I never thought that someone would ask me for this…but okay <3 I’ll write a general message for anybody who reads this~!

My ways consist of:

  • Practicing for 7 years and counting
  • Getting inspired by people

and nothing else

Let me write a proper explanation:

Practicing:

I think that everybody already knows this step, but what is really practicing?

I’ve come to see a lot of people to who I’ve told them to ‘’practice everyday’’, and almost all of them replied ‘’I draw everyday but I’m not getting better’’… and that’s really sad, because you’re doing it wrong.

Practicing everyday and drawing everyday are not the same. Practice has the objective to improve your skills while learning your mistakes, you either get better at drawing or at observation. Drawing is just testing your skills, as if it was a self-exam.

How can you practice? Draw some specific thing a bunch of times on the same canvas, try to draw that thing that you can’t draw. It doesn’t matter how it turns out, you are learning and improving. ‘’But it looks worse the more I keep trying’’ Yes, exactly. Your observation skill is improving, your drawing skill doesn’t necessarily improve everytime you practice.

When your observation improves, then that means that you can recognize what is wrong in your drawing and what is decent good, and when this happens, this is the real time to try improving your drawing skill. You don’t like how the hair looks? Try new random ways to draw it! The face looks too pointy? Try doing more curvy lines!

References are all over the internet too, so I’m sure that it won’t be hard to find the right pose or camera angle that you need! This is also a great way to learn how things work! The more you look at it and study it, the more you learn.

(Also extra tip: If you are from the kind of people who draws hands hiding behind the character let that bad habit go. Yes, I called it bad habit. It means that you’re using the pose as an excuse to not draw hands because you hate drawing/can’t draw them, and that’s exactly where my point in practice is. If you don’t try, of course you won’t get better, so go ahead and draw amalgamates as hands! They will look nice eventually! )


And now, the other point:

Inspiration:

Getting inspired by others mostly goes along with your drawing skill improvement. (fyi by ‘’inspired by others’’ I mean the people that you admire or that story that attracted you so much).

When you admire someone, you have 2 ways to use them as an inspirational source: Motivation and learning.

As a motivation, there’s not much to explain. You just feel like if you keep practicing you’ll get to be as good as them, which is good! but here’s the trick: When you are drawing,you have to accept something: You’ll never be as good as the people that you admire so much, but you’ll get to be as good as yourself! (Umm…does this make any sense at all?…anyway I hope that you get the point). You can’t be like someone else, but neither can others be like you!

Why do I mention this? because lots of people say ‘’I’m not as good as this artist’’ ‘’I can’t do this as great as this person does’’… and that’s the wrong way of motivation usage. You have to compare yourself to nobody else but yourself!

‘’But how can I then be as good as them while not doing that?’’ While I have to mention again the practice stuff, this is also when the ‘’learning’’ comes in!

I bet that a lot of you doesn’t have just one inspiration source, and that’s great and helpful! First, take some of that people as an example right now and take a few of their drawings together, and while you are comparing them (both, the same artist’s drawings and different artists’ ones), analyze and study some of these facts:

(there might be some more but I think that these are enough).

In resume, go crazy while improving in art thanks to your inspiration sources! learn and level up!


Let me prove my point:

That one drawing that you once were SO proud of, and you feel kinda attached to it?

BAM! DIFFERENCE! I tried changing angles, details and stuff from that drawing…and it turned out even better than what I once did! And I felt super proud of myself when I did it <3

Look, you don’t even have to redraw a super-cool drawing to compare your old art! Just take any drawing and draw it again in the course of the years…

Like this!!

This also applies to digital art as well! the lineart, the usage of color and blending can be compared too! (okay maybe that stuff can be also compared on traditional art but still).

See? I didn’t even need to finish this drawing to see how much I’ve improved in less than 2 years! (spoilers: actually I do have to finish it).


Do you want to know how I’ve improved in all this time? Because I’ve practiced everyday both, things that I could draw and things that I couldn’t! because they help me to improve and practice! what I could already do? I’m doing it better, and what I couldn’t? now I can, and it’s all thanks to being inspired by awesome people on a daily basis and practicing no matter what!


Nobody can teach you how to surpass yourself but you, because you are the only one who understands their own art and what you want to achieve <3

frequently asked questions:
  • what’s ur name? daphne, but i’d rather you call me prim!
  • why do you have two names: prim/daphne? when i started this blog, i use prim as my pseudonym because i was simultaneously writing stories on another website and for privacy reasons, i had to keep my identity a secret.
  • what’s your mbti? i usually take the personality test once a month and although it changes like every single time, i am usually either an enfp or esfp.
  • where are you from? im from the pilippines, i live and grew up here and yes full-blooded filipina.
  • how long have you had this blog? i made this 2014 i believe but i only started posting stuff and being active in 2015? so that’s approx. 2 years i believe.
  • how old are you? i recently turned 18, my birthday is: 10th of april, yes year of the rabbit and yes, an aries.
  • can you please be my pen pal? i would honestly love to become your penpal but unfortunately, i still have no frigging idea how it works, how to send them, how much and all the exhausting details about it.
  • what do u use for the doodling on photos and the circle thingy (palette?) on your driving lessons photo? for the doodles i usually just use photoshop (on pc) and the app you doodle or sketch (phone). as for the palette, you can use adobe color.
  • i can’t save my adobe colors picture! that is normal! i usually just screenshot mine but im still not sure if there’s a better way of saving pics.
  • why didn’t u answer my question? i am usually bombarded by heaps of questions every single day to the point that i even overlook some messages. i’ve been really busy as well because of my CETs prep and school works. i try my best to respond to your messages around 1-2 days after you sent them. thank you so much for your kind understanding!
  • why didn’t u respond to my message in tumblr messenger? the thing is, i also get way too many messages on that feature so i decided to shut it out for my non-mutuals. i get too overwhelmed when some people that i am not entirely close with consecutively message me there too. it’s just a little different and difficult to respond using that feature. so i suggest if you have something to say, please contact me using my inbox.
  • advice? music suggestions? playlist? movies? can u help me with sumthing? url suggestions? blog style etc?? i love doing this. 100% down for cute stuff, suggestions, etc. feel free to hit me up.
  • check out my blog? i will!! but i don’t auto follow back because it’s either we don’t have the same blog style or maybe i just dont 100% like your content. there are special cases of course. i also dont follow back on demand esp if you’re rude or post pornography, etc sorry :^(
  • can i tag you on my posts? sure! i love reblooping + liking your things, go tag #peachisty.
  • are you in a relationship? IDK WHY THIS IS frequently asked hahah but NOooOOOooo way lmao.
  • can u suggest some new blogs to follow? check out my blogroll and faves page.
  • how many followers do you have? it changes everyday tbh if you’re curious, feel free to ask me!
  • how did you come up with ur url? it’s primarily because i love peaches (as in 🍑) unfortunately, using peaches as a url is obviously unavailable so like, i reevaluated and thought of good suffixes that would compromise. i then worked with +isty bc words ending with those are super cute like majesty (altho it’s e instead of i idk)! so i thought i should deffo make it peachisty and then viola. plus it sort of sounds like peach iced tea and i love that drink way too! there ya go.
  • sex advice? okay im sorry but this topic makes me v uncomfortable.
  • what’s the sunshine club? it’s a facebook-based network that i made to mainly promote self-love and positivity! more info on our blog.
  • what’s your sexuality? i still find it uncomfortable when people ask me this question because i feel like labels are very constricting. however, i really am down to dating anyone tbh although i must admit that I’ve never really been ~sexually~ attracted to anyone, just romantically. so i guess i am asexual but most definitely not cis-het. currently, i consider myself either queer or panromantic? i am still finding myself out tho, so pls bear with me!
  • i don’t often respond to tumblr-messenger!
  • i try my best to respond to all questions but once it gets overwhelming, i may overlook some.
  • i dont usually respond to hate messages
Why the Stardust Crusaders OVA is actually pretty good: a post

So, the Stardust Crusaders OVA gets a lot of shit from, at least, Western fans on tumblr - idk how Japan took to it. And while the art style is a different brand of strange from the original, and while it takes a lot of liberties, it’s actually pretty fucking good? I mean christ, Satoshi Kon was called in to help out with showing Dio’s timestop - the people making this were clearly trying to do the series justice. Like, Skywalker Sound was involved in the making of this OVA?? Apparently, the only time they have worked for an anime.

Tho that doesn’t stop it from being a bit…messy. The first episodes were made in 1993, starting with the introduction of Iggy and fight with N’Doul. This half is 6 episodes long, and highlights the following fights: N’Doul (spanning 2 episodes), D’Arby, and then 3 episodes following the Dio fight. If you’re not a fan of the series, and don’t know the backstory, you’re going to be horribly lost. Especially when it opens up with this:

Even if you’re a fan you’d probably see this like “since when is this a Battle Tendency OVA???????”

Keep reading

okay, here’s the thing about the ‘but im tagging it properly and therefore making it avoidable!’ argument.

i realize that a lot of you really do think that you aren’t doing anything wrong, and that kids (or people who dont want to see that) wont find your nsfw/disturbing content because it is properly tagged. that is not the case.

1. you can find them outside of tumblr

tumblr isnt a vacuum, tagging it will not prevent kids from seeing it.

for example; my younger cousins (i have like ten sets of younger cousins my family is huge) like to look up pictures of their fave characters, sometimes even print them out as posters, or, if they are black and white, use them as coloring book pages. i used to do that when i was little. my younger cousin’s friends do that. when i did service learning for the younger kids in my k-8 middle school, all the kids would do that during computer time. its a thing kids do.

when i typed in ‘black butler’ with the safesearch on into google images, i immediately got a picture of a naked ciel wrapped in ribbon.

okay, but lets try specific characters, and maybe a show with an even younger audience. 

‘steven universe garnet’, with the safesearch on. scroll down just a tiny bit, not even an inch of the scrollbar down (and of course the scrollbar will be moved down in all of these situations, why would you just stare at the first page over and over again??? but im giving these searches the benefit of the doubt and not digging really deep trying to search for stuff).

BAM, garnet wrapped in a small towel, dripping wet coming out of the shower in a sexy pose.

well, im just a kid who wants to look at pics of my fave mystery twins! let me search ‘mabel and dipper pines’… is that them kissing? on the mouth??? yep. after about a cm of scrolling down. with the safe search on.

there are also even more pics of them kissing (they are all by the same artist i think… different pics tho) if you search ‘gravity falls dipper and mabel’

and whats the worst about this is that thing that happens when you click on a pic, and google shows you related pics/pics like it… so even ONE slip up opens the door to much more (yIKES the stuff i saw while researching garnet…)

what that also means is that, when clicking on a totally innocent picture, not even a questionable slip up, you’d get recommended a nasty one. while searching ‘steven universe rose’ i clicked on a pic of her, and in the ‘related images’ thing that popped up there was a pic of rose and greg… doing stuff.

also, when i searched ‘hiro and tadashi’, i clicked on one of the very first pics that came up, where hiro was a toddler and got mad ‘cause tadashi took a pic where his hair was up molded all weird form his bath. related images? hiro and tadashi very close, blushing, and looking into each other’s eyes romantically. 

and kids probably wont search ‘___ nsfw’, but just as a test i searched all of those fandoms with the safesearch on, and still got nsfw/suggestive/incesty stuff. so that proves the point that safesearch doesn’t block everything, and you cant just say, “well, the parents should monitor their kids!”, because a responsible -but not smothering- parent would make sure that their child’s computer or devices had safesearch on– that doesn’t 100% work.


(with the exception of black butler i guess, but that dosent really matter considering how young (starting at 11) the fanbase is) these shows are childrens cartoons. as the ‘big kids’, the older audience, it is not right to make these spaces unsafe for the target audience. no one is saying you cant enjoy these shows, but you should not be drawing (and most importantly, posting) harmful things involving these shows.


2. not everyone can blacklist things

not everyone can blacklist things. whether its because their computer or device isnt compatible with xkit, or they are relatively new to tumblr and aren’t even aware that ‘tumblr savior’ is a thing, not everyone has the ability to keep stuff off their dash, even if you do tag it properly.


3. spammers

shippers who ship minors and adults. they post pics of said minor/adult pairing.

when they post those pics or comics or whatever, they do tag it properly! #seba//ciel, #ere//ri!   yay!

but do you know what else they tag it with? the name of the show/series.

not even just the name of the show/series. everything related to the show or series, because they want more notes. looking for a pic of alois trancy? boom! seba//ciel. even stuff that isnt seba//ciel, but is tagged as seba//ciel. why is there a gif set of sebastian in the alois trancy tag???

goodness help you if your favourite character is a character in the ship you hate, because the tag is probably full of that minor/adult pairing. that’s rough, buddy.


4. then just dont follow me!

first - unless you have it stated on your blog or in your about or whatever, something along the lines of ‘hey btw i draw/post child porn’ (and yes, it is considered child porn even if they are drawings, and not photographs of real children) (EDIT i recently found better links than that one, so have some more: <3 <3 ), how are people supposed to be aware that they shouldn’t follow you?

and it has to be specified. just saying ‘oh btw this blog posts nsfw sometimes’ isnt the same, because there is a difference between adults being depicted sexually, and minors being depicted sexually. 

one may be a bit embarrassing to show up on your dash when your friend is looking at the screen, or maybe might make a follower a bit uncomfortable- but they can handle it, its just sex.

the other is highly disturbing, and can upset/trigger panic attacks in a lot of people.


second - they might not even be following you.

someone could see a (non nsfw) piece of art you did on their dash, and they could go to your blog to check you out because they liked your art.

then, they could be greeted by pics of an adult and a minor f*cking. (im looking at you, seba//ciel and ere//ri shippers)

is it your fault they clicked on your blog and saw stuff they didnt want to see? 

no.

is it their fault they clicked on your blog and saw stuff they didnt want to see? 

no.

the thing to take away from that situation is, did tagging your posts prevent them from seeing your posts?

no.

I've heard people say they wouldn't watch the US remake

And while I always side eye when America remakes something - they’re doing a Misfits remake that I’m currently judging - I have to be honest with myself and Americas work. America does ALOT of remakes - the world does really, Asia is known for it, it’s actually often considered a compliment over there. The thing is America doesn’t always get it wrong and there have been a number of times where America has done better.

I love Skam’s story itself, so I’d be interested in seeing what we Americans can and cannot do with it. I’m American but I don’t trust America much. I wouldn’t advise them to redo the stories we’ve already been presented - instead id recommend taking those stories that didn’t get to be told from the perspective of the characters that get to have a voice. This will allow a distance so we’re not under the shadow of the original story but still connected enough to be Skam while allowing America to expand on their own flare.

The things that Skam hold dear aren’t things American writers really are good at holding up tho tbh. When we tell stories of young people for some reason we feel like they have to be fast paced and dramatize. Love stories are rifled with unnecessary triangles that DONT tell you nothing about the characters other than to add conflict, everybody gots to cheat - within the group too because for some reason that’s what they think being young is all about, just about nobody stays together because no one stays in love young, we’re friends but imma stab you in the back every which way from Sunday and that’s okay because we’ll still call each other friends cause we make a cute bitchy group. Evaks entire story would have a problem existing in America lol.

The reason I love Skam is because it’s so different from the stories we get in America. It starts with the girl group and while it’s flawed, it no where near what we present female friendship as. It was about propping eachother up and no matter what state of argument they were in they pulled through and were there for each other during the fact…not after it. And even though they have a boy gang it was a we hate eachother fest that’s why we’re separate, it wasn’t that at all.

Skam has this quiet moments that we often find boring in our own works - but I do think they’re better at it. We’re often trying to be different - artistic but Skam in those moments is trying to be raw and that’s why it feels authentic. Evak is a perfect example of this because that piece was really artistic - they pay attention to the lighting, the the colors that would be in it and how they would reflect the emotion the character was presenting, glamming up the actors for one shot then leaving them bare and flaws open the next one. Nothing was out of place. Every moment is riddled with emotion - no matter if they were talking or just presenting an image. I do think Evak would be the most difficult story for us not just because it’s difficult as hell to look up and find a gay story as the freaked lead 😒 but because their love story was solely about being in love. Their physical intimacies aren’t like what our writers normally present us with - take Malec for example…they kiss, they touch - but only when necessary, only when there’s an appropriate emotional moment that the writers are trying to woo the fans/audience with. Evak is not like that, the characters touch constantly just because they’re around each other, they talk close and low, everything is lingering from the eyes to the tip of the fingers. Lots of Eskimo kisses and cheek brushes - the things that seem so small in the story but were so big to the story they were trying to tell. Intimacy is important to every story because it tells you not only about the character but about the relationship. Evaks intimacy is different from Yousana’s and VildexMagnus love to overshare on all their intimacies lol.

I f they do decide to do the same stories I do think America can do Sana’s story - maybe not better but in a way that people can understand because it seems like a lot of viewers missed the point of her story while being focused on other stuff they had issues with. Plus we’re used to these kind of stories even if the Muslim religion hasn’t been the forefront theme before.

I do think we get so insulted at someone else wanting a piece of the ‘pie’ that we forget how those people could benefit. Young America has been hyped up on friendships and relationships presented in those such as glee…some Skam would do them right. Flawed ladies who actually love one another. A nonjudgmental boys club that still hold one another accountable 😱. Brother and sister sibling love that’s about actual respect and love not normalizing bickering and disinterest. Religious difference not being a bad thing but a shining one. Men being vulnerable, soft, nice for the sake of being nice, seeking advice from women, actually tuning in and listening instead of talking down or at. Women not being guilty or judged and drug through the mud for being themselves (other than you know by the audience 🙃). Women being considered strong by other women who believe them when they say they’re gonna come through and can make some shit happen, telling one another that they’re the strongest person they know even when that strength isn’t something on exhibit 24/7. MEN RESPECTING WOMEN’S BOUNDARIES. Friends fighting for friends instead of against friends. Forgiveness with no tearing down. Minorities/ oppressed as buds. The allowance of subgroups but the ability to come together in celebration and happiness. Love just love with no excuses, no lines drawn in the sand. The crew with through a lot they were scandalous at times - but in all it really was about growing, not just the show writers claiming they had grown.

Let’s be honest America needs to eat the whole damn pie and swallow the burp. Just because I have found the original and I have no problem with having to read subtitles because of my own lack of knowledge - doesn’t mean everyone is in the same boat. If America doing their own version gets the story to more people and moves them - I’m for that. I would just hope like hell that America does right by this piece, because it deserves it.

sandstorme  asked:

transboy remus & genderqueer sirius meeting each other at a trans day of visibility rally tho oh mygos h

  • Imagine though young Sirius who just ran away and has started to learn about these things and coming to terms with who they really are and this rally is the first exposure they’ve ever experienced as the person they’ve always wanted to be and like Sirius is just this confused, blushing mess with hopeful eyes and a little smile in the crowd and they’re still scared because of all the abuse and hate from their family but also happy now that they’re with the Potters now who of course have no problems with letting Sirius go to this event as long as it’s safe and good for them. James would have gone with him for support but Sirius believed that it was something they had to out for themself and wow I forgot this was supposed to be an r/s thing whoops okay anyway
  • Sirius and Remus go to the same uni but they’ve never talked before today and they don’t about how very queer the other is because they’re very different people at school and they have like one maybe two classes together. Sirius thought Remus is just the broody, sarcastic kid and Remus thought Sirius is just another asshole who has too much money tbh.
  • Remus seeing his ex with his new boyfriend and he panics and turns to the first person he can get his hands on (it’s Sirius of course) like ‘okay hi there Sirius right? can you make out with me for the next ten seconds or until my my ex is out of sight’ ‘are you joking’ ‘no’ ‘you’re lucky you’re cute ok fine’. They kiss and Sirius has to fucking tiptoe and Remus has to duck a little and it’s a little awkward but only for like the first 2.5 seconds tbh bc they kind of just melt it into it and it goes on a bit longer and Remus comes to his senses and gently pulls away and Sirius is just like ‘what’ and Remus just raises his eyebrows and says ‘he’s gone’ ‘who’s gone’ ‘my ex’ and Sirius tries to play it cool as if they didn’t forget why they were kissing this gorgeous boy in the first place.
  • It doesn’t take long for Remus to see that Sirius is just such a lost (but eager) puppy when it comes to these things tbh and sometimes the crowd gets a tad too rowdy and Remus gets a bit protective even though they’re the same age and puts a hand on Sirius’ back or holds Sirius’ hand for a bit and Sirius is just like ‘Excuse you I’m not a child’ but secretly is v thankful and v smitten with this dork wowie
  • Sirius getting a text from Reg and it’s nothing significant really it’s just Reg asking Sirius ‘Are you sure participating in that rally thing is safe. Take care.’ and they get a bit thrown off because Sirius misses their lil bro so much it hurts and it’s the fact that they are who they are that made Sirius leave Reg in the first place and it’s followed by anger at their family because if it wasn’t for them maybe Reg could be here with Sirius. Remus sees that Sirius looks a bit dazed and he kinda just rubs their shoulders and asks if they’re okay and Sirius just nods and Remus insists like ‘Are you sure because if this is too much for you it’s definitely okay like you’ve done more than enough for today. Do you need a breather? Do you wanna go somewhere else or??’ and Sirius is so touched because sometimes they need to remind themself that there’s a good reason they left home and that they don’t regret it because there are people - even the ones they’ve never thought of before - who will treat them better than their family ever did so Sirius just smiles and tells Remus not to worry and Remus just nods and resumes talking and Sirius doesn’t mind that Remus’ arm casually slips around their waist protectively and affectionately
  • Remus and Sirius casually talking while the whole parade is going on and they learn a lot about each other and Remus uses the facepaint he’s been carrying around to give Sirius the colors of the genderfluid flag and Sirius explains to Remus about the different pronouns they prefer and when for each one and Remus is super supportive. They end up talking about more stuff like movies and and music and books with queer representation and they’re just super caught up with each other it takes them a while to realize they’ve stopped walking once they arrive to where the parade culminates.
  • The whole thing culminates at this park and there’s music and people talking up on stage and sometimes it’s speeches and inspirational/empowering songs and things about awareness and acceptance and visibility but mostly it’s just trans and nb people performing and sharing their stories and it’s anything from coming out/self acceptance to stories about meeting a cute person or finding the perfect store to shop in because of their gender neutral clothing and accessories etc etc etc and it’s an open mic and they’re pretty close to the stage. Remus elbows Sirius to go talk and share and Sirius just laughs and shakes their head frantically. Remus just nods understandingly, ruffles Sirius’ hair (’lupin u just ruined my bun wtf’) and goes up the stage and gets the mic and Sirius is so shocked because this is Remus Lupin he doesn’t even speak in class other than to sass the teacher.
  • “Hi everyone, I’m Remus Lupin. I’ve never really had a significant story before other than me being trans. Well, until today, because I met an amazing person who I thought was just some pretty face with a huge head full of hot air and is popular at school because of their name. Turns out they don’t know how amazing and wonderful and funny and smart and kind they are after all. They’re still a pretty face though. And a pretty good kisser too. Which is why I’m hoping they’ll have lunch with me at the university courtyard tomorrow and have coffee with me after this even though I’ll probably just have hot choco and they’ll judge me because they love coffee which i honestly don’t get because-’ and he gets cut off with Sirius screaming ‘YES I’LL GO OUT WITH U OK’ and people are laughing and cheering and Remus jogs down to Sirius and kisses their cheek and and Sirius just smiles like an idiot and g osh they’re so adorable
Starry Sky

This is a little fanfic hahaha it’s actually a kinds long lol for my beautiful Secret Santa from my Fairy Tail SquadDrum roll please!!! tun tun tun tun tunnnnn…. It is no one more but the beautiful Kim!!! aka @kipio aka one of my favorite artists. Seriously, she rocks. I love you so much Kim! I was so glad that I got to be your Secret Santa

Pairing: Nalu

Soulmate AU/Fluff

Word Count: 2318

The view from Erza’s penthouse was beautiful, the sky was full of stars up high and down earth it was illuminated with all the lights of all the buildings, it was as if Lucy was staring into two skies, it was really a sparkly New Year’s Eve. The music from inside the party resounded even outside in the balcony, with the glass doors closed. At one point of the night Lucy had decided to go out and take a breath because, as fun as it was dancing with her friends, the moment a slow song started playing and the air changed from Party mode to Romantic mode Lucy knew she didn’t belong there. Even her friend Cana had someone that showed her all the colors of this world! But Lucy was the only girl left alone in a monochromatic world. That was the curse they were all born with. To only see black and white until that oh so called soulmate came and gave you that fairy tale kiss that would wake up the color switch in your eyes. But for some reason that haven’t worked for Lucy, she had dated a few guys the last years, but apparently none were her soulmate, and now she was alone, one day before a new year started, looking at the stars. But for some reason the stars calmed her, they didn’t have any particular color, and the city lights in her eyes looked like stars too, it was delightful, such a calming sight.

“Hey, what are you doing here? Soulmate-less too?” A really good looking guy with a dazzling grey hair and a plain grey dress shirt appeared, slowly closing the door behind him. Grey, grey, grey. Lucy rolled her eyes, she was fine looking at the plain colored sky, just black and white, but grey? She could not stand the color, it reminded her that there was a color hidden under it, one which she could not see. But for some reason, as annoyed as she was of his appearance, she could not take her eyes off him. Maybe it was his wild hairstyle?

Lucy shrugged at him. “I may be not interested anymore.” She looked up back again at the stars, resting both arms on the edge of the balcony. “I think the stars can be my soulmates, for all I care.” She could feel the boy’s eyes on her. He came closer and rested his arms the same way she had done, looking at the stars above too, as if mimicking her.

“Well, that’s a shame.” He looked at her once more, with a very serious face. “I don’t think you can kiss stars.”

Lucy giggled. And there she thought he would say some cliche and romantic thing like “I wanted for the two of us to find our soulmates together” or “I will have to kill the stars to beat them into being your soulmate.” Thinking about it… She was glad he didn’t, that would’ve made her cringe into oblivion.

Then he laughed, it was really warm, it felt genuine, his teeth were really white and the sound that came out of his mouth made her somehow excited. His eyes were pitch black, that she knew for sure, since it was the color she saw the most, and it also was her favorite. His eyes made her really ecstatic for some reason, despite his grey appearance his eyes made her less mad at his arrival a few minutes ago. Lucy wondered what could he see when he looked at her. Her friends had told her she had a beautiful blonde her, but what was blonde? All she could see in her hair was grey. She hated it.

She turned to him and he mimicked her again. “What is your favorite color? I know the options are not many but–”

“Grey,” he interrupted Lucy. She felt surprised, why do you like it? It’s so plain and painful, that was what she wanted to ask, but before she could open her mouth again the boy took a piece of Lucy’s straight long hair and looked fixedly at it for a moment. “Actually, I really like this tone of grey, it’s brighter than mine.”

Lucy felt herself blush and a little smile escaped her mouth. “Is that so?”

The balcony door opened and the music that later it seemed to be muted now blasted in Lucy’s ears and instinctively she covered her ears and let out a little scream. The boy next to her reached in concern for Lucy but then the intruder talked.

“Lucy!” It was Erza’s voice. Lucy looked up at the party’s host and she changed her eyes from her to the boy next to her and to Lucy again and back to the boy. She seemed somewhat surprised for a moment, then seemed to remember the reason she was there and spoke.

“Natsu, Lucy, come inside, there are just 5 minutes left!”

They looked at each other and somehow she could tell that he was thinking the same thing as her. Their name. Natsu huh? It fits him well.

“Let’s go, Lucy!” His smile seemed brighter than before, and when he pronounced her name it felt like her name was a secret he discovered, as if it was exciting news. Why did he felt so happy about that?

But now then, Lucy felt the same way. “Yes, Natsu!”

Maybe it was her imagination, but as both of them got out of the balcony Lucy could feel Erza smirking.

Back inside everyone was holding hands and staring at the TV with the countdown. Just one minute and 7 seconds left. Lucy stood in the middle of the crowd, Natsu was at her right side and Erza, alongside Jellal, stood to her left. Lucy turned to Natsu’s direction and she could still see the sky from here, soon fireworks would be fired, they were still really close to the balcony. A new year was about to come, she would have more fun with her friends and she decided, after chatting with Natsu, that she will not worry anymore about finding her soulmate. Just being able to watch the sky tonight and be with Natsu was enough for her to have energy for this upcoming year. He gave her a very positive feeling, she would like to befriend him, he gave her almost the same vibes as Gray did, tho it was somewhat different, he was a great friend of her and maybe Natsu could be too.

Thinking about that made Lucy smile. A new friend. That is a good way to start the year.

“What are you smiling about, Lucy?”

She realized she was looking at his direction and beaming like a creep. How stupid of her, he might think she was staring at him. Oh God, how embarrassing.

“No, I– I was just looking at the sky.”

“Again?” He laughed. She chuckled and nodded her head.

Ten seconds left until the new year arrived.

“Hey, Lucy. Can I ask you something?” Seven seconds left.

“Sure, what is it?” Five seconds left. Everyone was holding tight to their respective partners. Lucy could see everyone in pairs of two, while Natsu and she stood individually next to each other. But she didn’t feel left out anymore, she was happy to have company in this black and white world. She didn’t need colors anymore, being friends with this guy will be as awesome as a colorful world.

“Do you mind if I become your starry sky?”

Lucy’s ears went numb, every sound was cut off and only his words she had been able to hear. “What do you me–” cut off again. But not by his voice this time. Not by the clock striking 12. Not by the sound of fireworks nor by all the people screaming Happy New Year. Not by any of that but by Natsu’s lips.

And that was it. Lucy’s eyes were wide open with total surprise and she could see it. Slowly, everything changed. Her mind started assimilating what she saw with names she never had the chance to use before. Erza’s walls turned light blue, her decorations were dark purple, the dance floor was full of rainbow colors that reflected with light under her. And then there was Natsu. His hair was the most beautiful pink ever. How did she know that? Suddenly all knowledge of colors came to her. Broken. This curse we were all born with was broken the moment his lips touched hers. Lucy looked at him and he had his eyes shut very tight, as if he was wishing upon a star. A star. That reminded her of what he said before he kissed her. Now it hit her, he wanted to be her soulmate. No, he felt that their souls belonged to each other, that they were the same color, the same vibrancy, made for each other.

He finally opened his eyes and was surprised with the sudden change of scenario. Lucy couldn’t help but burst out laughing and she jumped to Natsu, squeezing him with a hug, making them both fall on the floor. Tears were running down her face and dropped in Natsu’s shirt. She found him, or more like he found her. She had misunderstood completely what she felt when talking to him, the warmth he gave her was not the same that Cana or Gray could offer, it was her soul, banging out of her body, trying to reach its partner.

She could feel all eyes on them, maybe they thought they were drunk, but Lucy didn’t care at all for that. She looked at Natsu once again, and his eyes stayed the same black color she liked, but now it was surrounded by a beautiful tanned skin, a stunning pink hair, it was all too beautiful to be true. Lucy closed her eyes, tears still falling and kissed him again, she kissed him more and more, giving him a lot of little pecks.

“What a sparkly blonde hair you have.” Natsu was crying too. The moment she had always dreamed of finally arrived, just when she gave up he came and painted her life rainbow with his lips. Then Lucy looked at the balcony and there it was, the same steady sky, but… There was something more to it. Lucy got off Natsu, stood up and offered her hand to him and when he took it she held it dearly. That gave everyone in the room enough explanations of what their little scene was.

“Natsu, let’s go over there.”

They went back to the balcony and the view was something marvelous. The sky was not black, it was a deep blue, the stars were still shiny white, but it felt different, it felt as if the white had a new glow, one that she had never seen. And the most stunning part. The fireworks. They resembled exploding stars of all kinds of colors. Red, orange, blue, green, pink. All of them glowing in the dark sky and the shiny stars. Lucy watched them in amazement, holding tight to Natsu’s hand, knowing he was enjoying the show as much as she was. None of those colors were just black, or white, or grey. They all had their own diversity. And she could see all of them thanks to him. Suddenly everyone came out to the balcony, to enjoy the fireworks too.

The view was beautiful from Erza’s penthouse.

The colors Lucy thought she no longer needed were there, but the most beautiful thing was the person beside her. Gazing softly at Natsu he turned to her, when their eyes met she felt a big pang in her chest. This was the person she was willing to be with despite being in a monochromatic world, even if she didn’t understand their connection at first. But looking at his hair she could not be happier to have their curse broken. She knew that his pink would become her favorite color. As they smiled at each other Erza touched her shoulder from behind and she realized how stunning she was now, with her scarlet hair, her blood red dress and her shining smile; Finally she could understand the meaning of her last name. Lucy turned around to focus her eyes on all of her friends, she could see all kinds of amazing colors in their hairs, their skins, their eyes. Some hair colors made her laugh, they had the craziest colors ever! Blue, red, pink, purple! But they all had a color in common. Beside the multicolor glow of the fireworks reflected in their bodies they were all wearing the color red. Cana was right when picking that red turtleneck shirt Lucy was wearing, red was indeed the color of christmas, even if before the party she could not understand that. Natsu was also wearing red. It was a funny sight since his hair was pink, it was a really odd combination, but if it was him anything could be okay.

Lucy took a tight grip of his soulmate’s arm. She looked up at the sky and then back again at him.

“I think you could do a better job than the stars as my soulmate.”

“Do you really think so? I will have to work hard then, so you don’t change your opinion and decide they are better than me,” he said, pointing at the sky with his chin. “I wouldn’t want to lose the opportunity to see a blonde this beautiful.” He took a piece of her hair and gently kissed it. Lucy’s whole body shivered and her face turned completely red. She wrapped him in a hug and while the fireworks were still exploding in the air, while everyone was still talking, while the blowing wind gently ruffled my hair, her lips embraced him once more, whispering a quiet “Happy New Year” in between.

Follow for More Soft Grunge

“What the fuck did you do to your hair?” Kibum screeches when his youngest son comes down the stairs. Taemin went out last night and didn’t come back until late, but Kibum never thought the fourteen year old would come back with bleached and dyed hair and is that fucking purple at the tips? Kibum’s going to whoop his ass if Taemin doesn’t start answering him, soon.

Keep reading

To the person she’ll love next:


she constantly needs reassurance. it’s one thing that she hates about herself, but she’ll never admit it. so when she’s moodier or becomes more distant than usual, don’t be afraid to go out on a limb and tell her how you feel. she feels the same, but is always afraid that you don’t. 


please be patient with her. she says that everything is fine and not to worry, but before you know it it’s 2 AM and she’s crying and won’t let you comfort her. it’s not your fault. wait until she says it’s okay to hold her, and don’t even think about letting go.


she’s been hurt. a lot. that’s why she’s constantly apologizing and flinches whenever you move too quickly. speak gently to her and assure her that you won’t hurt her.


it doesn’t take a lot to make her happy. really. all she needs is a kind heart and a gentle hand. her walls are up high, but when she’s genuinely happy, they completely come down. she’ll never tell you what does make her happy, but if you pay attention, you’ll notice how her eyes sparkle for just a split second when talking about them. keep her talking about those things. 


she’s quiet. not shy, just quiet. she’s been silenced her entire life and doesn’t know how to talk for more than a minute before apologizing yet again. that’s okay, though. she actually has a lot to say. you just have to ask the right questions.


she’s fiercely protective of the ones she loves. no matter what terms she may be on with them, she would take a bullet for them without hesitation. it’s almost scary how loyal she is.


she’s an observer. just because she doesn’t say much, doesn’t mean she isn’t paying attention. you could mention your favorite color in seemingly meaningless conversation, only to surprise you with a shirt or stuffed animal in that color a week later when you’ve forgotten that you even told her. she’ll say it’s no big deal, but it is. receiving gifts are how you know you’ve got her.


that being said, she remembers everything you’ll tell her. she has a poor memory, but she will never forget your words. choose them carefully.


if she ever opens up to you, don’t take it for granted. she hates feeling exposed and will notice if you’re not really listening. it’s when she’s at her most vulnerable that you’ll see the genuine her, and you don’t want to miss that.


she has the biggest compassion for other people even though she denies it. she jokes about how much she hates people and would rather be a cat lady, but the truth is that she would give the shirt off her own back to someone she doesn’t even know (and has before). don’t let her get too invested in helping others though, as she tends to get used by other people until she has nothing left.


she will put everyone before herself. it overwhelms her because she genuinely wants to help people, but has a hard time saying no. she’d rather bear the pain of everyone else so that they don’t have to. remind her that she can’t save everyone and help her stay strong in maintaining boundaries.


she’s a deeply insecure person. she constantly talks down to herself and doesn’t take any compliments to heart. remind her that you love her for who she is, not her body or what she can provide for you.


despite how much she denies it, she’s a very sensitive person. she can detect the slightest change in your voice and demeanor, and will most likely think it’s because of something she did. assure her that regardless of what’s going on, you chose her for a reason and aren’t going anywhere.


don’t you dare take advantage of her. she tries her hardest to front like she’s hard and emotionless, but it’s out of fear of getting hurt once again. if you’re only in it for just her body or to fill the emptiness in yourself, then leave. don’t get her hopes up that you could be different if you don’t genuinely want to be with her based purely upon who she is as a person. she deserves more than that.


when she says she has issues, believe that. she knows what she means when she says it. and it’s not the occasional argument or bad day. it’s when she won’t let you touch her because she feels filthy. when she shuts you out completely and is cold as ice because she’s terrified of getting close. when she can’t leave the house because she’s terrified of someone finding her. nights when she wakes up screaming because of the same recurring nightmares. when she’s so sad she can’t get out of bed. the list goes on. if you can’t handle that, then leave. she doesn’t need anymore false promises.


above all, she just wants to be loved. she has commitment problems but once she feels like you genuinely want to be with her, then nobody else compares. she will look at you like you put the stars in the sky and love you with all she’s got.


she’s never been 50/50 type of girl. it’s always been either all in or all out. for that reason, she will hold back when expressing her feelings until she knows you feel the same. her love is intense, but it is one of a kind and will leave you aching for more.


once you know all of this and have doubts, then don’t even think about sticking around. she deserves someone who loves her for her. someone who knows all of her fears and imperfections, yet chooses to stay anyways. she is not a replacement or a “sometimes.” she is her own person and deserves a love that is pure and real. if you can’t give this to her, then don’t bother. she deserves someone who truly wants what’s best for her. don’t you dare try to take advantage of that.

—  because in reality this is about me, but i don’t know how else to say it.

“Its Been A Week Since The Carnival, Which I Have Now Realized Was The Greatest Day Of My Life. Seeing Everyone I Care About There Was Crazy. No, Thats Not Even The Part That Got Me Excited. Seeing What Some Stupid Little ideas Can Turn Into Is What Shocks Me. The Little Stupid Cats And Graphics I Made On Photo Shop Out Of Boredom On Flags And Murals; Seeing That Donut I Drew When I Was 15 On Stages And Everyones Bag; 10 Thousand People Came To A Place Called ‘Camp Flog Gnaw’, Wow. I Remember When I Came Up With That Name Summer 2011. I Never Been To Camp And In My Head, I Created A Place That I Figured Would Never Exist, But That Changed. Just Fliping The First Letters Of Wolf Gang Turned Into Its Own Separate Thing. Seeing All Different Races From Skinny To Fat To Everything All In One Place With Something In Common Was Mind Blowing. The Zipper Is My Favorite Ride In The World. Not That You Care, But That Fact That I Figured Out How To Get That Thing And Ride It For As Many Times As I Want Without Waiting In Line IS Fucking Amazing. I Have An Amazing Team With Me. No Matter How Crazy And Offensive Or Weird My Ideas Were, They Put Their Trust In Me And Allowed Me To Move Forward.Like Dude, We Threw A Fucking Carnival In The Middle Of Los Angeles With 10k Plus People. We Didnt Have Any Crazy Sponsors And I Didnt Have To Suck Up to Anyone Or Any Of That Shit, WE Did It. And The Skatepark? Did You See That Skatepark? I Was Up Till 2 Am Painting That Bitch! Growing Up In Hawthorne At The Dirty ( skatepark) And Seeing My Old Friends From There Getting Clips Was Prolly The Craziest Shit Ive Seen. How Far Ive Came With Every Little Idea that I Believed In No Matter Who Did Or Didnt. Walking Around Seeing Kids In EXACT Things That I Wear Is Mind Blowing. Something That I Just Naturally Like And Put On, Its Some Kid Out There That Studies Every Article Of Clothing That Was Put On And Emulates That. Thats Crazy To Me. I Used To Do That With P, So Know That Someone IS Looking At Me The Way I Look At Him Is Really Amazing To Me. I Didnt Think I Would Change So Many Lives. Someone Retweeted An Old Tweet Of Mine From Feb 2012 Yesterday And It Read ’ I Had A Dream That Kanye Invited Me To Perform LATE With Him. I Wish’. Kanye Came To The Carnival And I Performed Late With Him. My Favorite Song By Kanye, AN Album Cut He NEVER Does, Was Performed Not Only With But During My Set And My Carnival! No Matter if You Hate Me Think Im Stupid Untalented Annoying Or Whatever, I FUCKING WIN AND YOU CAN SUCK MY WHOLE SHIT. We Did This, OF Did This, Coming From Actually Jack Shit And Turned That Jack Shit In Something. I’m Just Blabbing Now. I Just Want Who Ever Reading This To Know That Anything Is Possible, No Matter How Crazy It May Seem, Anything IS Possible You Just Have To Figure It Out. Get Your Self Esteem Up And Like Yourself, Then Like Your Ideas. We Live In A World Where People Dont Even Like Their Own Ideas, That Why You Have People Copying One Thing Thats Working So Much, Then Everything Gets Over Saturated With The Same Shit, And That Goes With Fashion, Music And All That. If People Actually Loved Themselves And Believed In Themselves More You Know How Many More Crazy Things Would Be Created? There Is No Fucking Limit To Anything! ( Except Elevators). Its A World Of People Who Dont Give A Fuck About The Mall Or The Radio Or None Of That Shit, Who Dont Care About Race Or If Someone Is Gay Or What Not. Thats What I Was Trying To Say On That Arsenio Interview. I Prolly Came Of As An Idiot Tho. Im Really Passionate About Everything I Do. From Music To Clothing To Videos. I Love Make Videos So Much. I Just Want Some Millionaire To Throw Me Money To Be Creative And Get Shots. I Remember Kids In School Always Thought I Was Weird, Not Just Cause How I Dressed Or The Music I Liked Or That Fact I Was Just Different Overall( in comparison to them), But Because I Was So Open With Future Goals. I Would Always Say The Grammies Im Gonna Get, And The Number 1 Movie Im Going To Write And Direct, And Just Random Shit Im Gonna Do. Now Those Same Dude Who Shut Me Down Are Paying Shitty College Debt Doing Something They Hate, Because They Didnt Go Full Throttle On Their Own Dreams And Quickly Shitted On Mines. And Im Not Knocking Anyone In College, Please Get Your Education, Im Just Saying, Do What You Love And Be Happy, Dont Live For Anyone Else. I Dont Like The Color Black. I Dont Know What That Has To Do With Anything But I Like Colors, Bright Colors, Like Flowers. It Brings A Great Energy. Ok Im Just Talking Again. Its Prolly A lot Of Typos In This But Im Just Going Off Of What Ever Is Coming To My Head. This Photo Of Na-Kel Smith Skating In Front Of The GOLF Mural At The Skatepark Means So Much To Me. The World Is Yours Little Nigga, And I Mean That. They Are Them, We Are Us, Fuck Them All! OFWGKTA”

-Tyler The Creator
via CampFlogGnaw.com

Monster AU

non-heinous i just.. i just need this in my life… i’ll just do appearances and yo some of these are romy’s so give her creds

hiccup

  • hiccup is a satyr
  • he’s got a bushy tail and he has to cut a hole in all his pants so it wont get crushed or something
  • he’s kinda like grover from percy jackson (those were good books…)
  • ok and his legs match his hair so he’s got auburn butt hair as well
  • he has a prosthetic hoof
  • and he fucken hates pants since its itchy or something but he doesn’t want people to see his junk (yeah.. i’m not too sure how satyrs go around like that) so he wears shorts like all the time
  • unless he is out in public with humans
  • and he has these little baby horns coming in, and they hurt like fuck, but eventually they get bigger
  • hiccup wears beanies and stuff to cover his baby horns
  • he literally eats everything, like eating homework happens more than once, like he’ll be on the computer and pick up some paper to eat (he’s a goat so…) and he looks down and it’s his math hw

Astrid

  • Astrid is one of the toughest girls in school, she is also a fairy
  • but like… she’s not a small fairy… she’s kinda normal sized but with these big blue and red wings
  • and hiccup is like a satyr and a fairy as if but then yeah they date and it’s adorable
  • astrid is normally like get your fuzzy butt over hear
  • i feel like she’s be really really majestic… like… just graceful…
  • she kinda just floats above the ground most of the time…
  • she has special fairy shits so her wings can stick out
  • and when she’s in public, she has to fold her wings under her clothes
  • she has probably like different colored streaks in her hair

snotlout

  • snotlout is the school jock and a werewolf
  • oh god
  • snotlout gets hairier as they get closer to the full moon i guess….
  • he’s got dog ears and thick black fur
  • he walks on two legs but he runs on all fours, just imagine that barreling down on you
  • he act like a dog sometimes and fucking hates hit
  • like you’ll just see his leg go up and he’ll start scratching his ear
  • or if you pet him he’ll be like i fucken hate you you bitch, rub my belly
  • or like ruffnut will be totally done with him and throw a chew toy she keeps with her just for snotty and he’ll give her the middle finger before chasing after it, tongue hanging out and everything
  • ruffnut braids his hair
  • he has like… dog hind legs… i guess
  • and he has a tail so much like hiccup, he has to cut wholes in his pants…
  • he has really sharp teeth and huge canines so sometimes if he talks to fast he might stutter or lisp a little
  • he bears his fangs at anyone that messes with him
  • he has the hardest time disguiesing himself when he wants to go to public places

ruffnut and tuffnut

  • both are sorta gorgony
  • they both have a mixture of gold and green snakes entangled in actual hair, so they kinda hide sometimes
  • both have forked tongues and constantly hiss at people
  • ruffnut likes to braid her snakes and babies them, often feeds them little morsels of food
  • she teaches them how to bite snotlout and people, eventually when the two start dating, they give him little kisses
  • tuffnut just lets his snakes do whatever, sometimes they even bite him, his snakes often show his real feelings
  • so like his crush, aka  grimhilda (i’ll talk about her more in a bit), will come over and his snakes will give her little snake kisses and he’s like c’mon guyes be cool
  • that is romy’s headcanons btw^
  • and she ties little ribbons around the snakes and feeds them
  • the twins can momentarily freeze people but it requires direct eye contact and only if they really concentrate
  • snotlout gets frozen a lot
  • so it don’t happen all that often… except for snotty

Fishlegs

  • fishlegs is a giant cyclops…
  • he pretty much looks exactly the same but is like way bigger and only has one eye…
  • he’s like… idk… like 12 feet… i guess i have no idea…
  • he’s actually one of the smaller giants…
  • he used to be like normal sized (like he was still big but like humann big) until he hit puberty and shot up a like a foot in a month
  • he fucken hates it, but he’s a gentle giant
  • fishlegs has to stoop through doorways and sometimes gets stuck
  • there is like this one gigantic seat in each classroom, like a reinforced desk and he sits there
  • he hits his head on door ways if he isn’t paying attention,
  • he’s really shy though, so he tries to blend in, but that’s pretty hard when you tower over everyone
  • he keeps breaking his video game remotes by accident even though his friends tell him to get the ones made for giants, he don’t budge tho
  • his friend, rosethorn, measures him, like the classic on the door way, but at his house cause both his parents are giants so their house is made for giants, and he has to pick her up to do it cause she’s short and she can’t walk (i’ll get to that)
  • she sometimes makes him shirts and stuff, so like she’ll be like hey did you grow more and he’ll be like yeah another inch and she’ll pull out her sewing kit and he keeps all the shirts and stuff she makes him even though they don’t fit anymore

Rosethorn

  • she is a mermaid (that’s why she can’t walk)
  • everyone in her family is ambiphibous except for her, so while they have webbed feet, she has a tail and can’t walk
  • so she wheels herself around in a wheelchair when she’s not in the water, normally fishlegs pushes her around
  • but like in the middle of junior year, she woke up and she had legs, cause her tail split and she calls up fishlegs and he has to teach her how to walk
  • she has the ability to change her appearance slighlty. she can go from her mermaid look, to her amphiboius look, which is webbed hands and feet, to an almso human look, she can flatten her gills and make the webbing go away but her gills are still visible, they are they only things that she can’t change
  • she has a greeny bluey hue to her when she’s “human looking” and it gets darker as she gets more fish like
  • she has two sets of lungs, one for breatheing water and a very small set for breathing air, but she can only stay above water for like a day or two before she starts to suffocate
  • she teaches fishlegs how to swim, since he taught her how to walk
  • she has another set of eyelids (sorta like built in goggles) and she blinks them at people and it makes fishlegs uncomfortable
  • you can often find her playing video games at the ingerman house, fishlegs is on this huge couch and she’s on the floor in this giant tub that his mom bought for her cause his mom will literally do anything for rosethorn to hang out with the goof
  • then they start dating and its cute cause she can walk now but is really bad at it so he carries her around, and she pretty much only comes up to like… idk… like a little above his elbow oh jesus christ what have i done
  • people are like if you’re a mermaid wheres your seashell bra? so she got one just to shut them up and she wore it and was like snotlout what the fuck were you saying? and fishlegs had to leave for a moment
  • she often wears really big over sized button up shirts
  • like i said, she can pull off the human look, but if water is spilled on her while she’s being human ish, she goes amphibous and one time she was on a date with fishlegs in a human resturaunt and they got stares and shit cause fishlegs is huge, but she wrapped a scarf around her neck, anyway, this water accidently spilled all the drinks on her and she skipped amphibous and she had a tail and fishlegs pretty much picked her up and sprinted out and both were like, never again

Grimhilda

  • grimhilda is literally this really weird vampire cause she’s tan… and everyones just like wtf logic?
  • some people have theories that she has a spray tan but it’s actually just cause one time she went out in the sun and you know how after you get a sunburn you get a little tanner? well it was like that but permanent? i dk
  • she wears these really cute dresses and long gloves and has this frilly pink umbrella that she carries around with her
  • she does mot of her eating at night, since she doesn’t sleep apparantely.. she does only on weekends…. and sometimes at night if she feels tired… well anyway, she drinks the blood of small animals
  • god what if she puts them in like a blender and comes into school with a drink and rosethorn is like what the hell is that ? and she’s just like squirrel smoothies and everyone in class like scoots away from her, except tuffnut, whose snakes would probably try to eat it
  • well she does her own little thing, but if you want fashion she is the vampire to go to
  • she knows how to make black work on anyone, anything and anywhere, and often uses rosethorn for practice so she can practice on making clothes for beings that do not have a human like body shape
  • as well as hiccup
  • and maybe fishlegs… she probably tries to dress him up for when he goes on dates with rosethorn
  • she loves tuffnut so fucken much, like she plays with his snakes (both of them if you catch my drift ;)) and he holds her umbrella over her and its really cute
  • she bites him sometimes and he fucken loves it
idfc 3|| Liam Dunbar

Chapters  1  2

Chapter  3

Words: 1,536

Originally posted by forev-rmore

“I really need to talk to you,” Hayden said

“Sure, what is it?” You asked her

“Not here. Meet me in the ice cream shop near your house at six” her voice slightly annoyed

You were standing in the middle of the hallway more confused that ever. It was normal for Hayden to get mad at you for almost everything but you had no idea why she was acting the way she did; her behavior was more evident since she had told you about her crush on Liam.

“Are you okay?” Liam asked you

You blinked a few times before answering “yeah, I’m fine,” you shrugged “I was just thinking”

“Okay then…let’s go before we are late for class, you know the teacher hates that”

“Right,”

Keep reading

Phone Call \\\ Ashton Irwin Imagine.

Description: He’s wide awake and you’re way out of your mind, so saying a few truths won’t hurt, right?

Word Count: 1,4k.

N/A: Changing my writing style for a moment, trying new things. This is Ash’s POV, ok? (still written in third person tho)

“Now it’s three in the morning and I’m trying to change your mind,
Left you multiple missed calls until my message you reply.
Why’d you only call me when you’re high?”

—————-

It’s 3 in the morning and tonight just had to be saving him some surprise, Ashton thinks, because he can’t sleep for anything. He already watched two entire movies, heard four different albums on Spotify, had dozens of mugs of tea and is still wide awake.

While he rolls on his bed, his ringtone screams through the room, Kansas echoing loudly on his walls, and he takes the phone without much interest. The chance that Calum and Luke are calling him, drunk out of their minds, is way too big for him to be anxious about any calls this late. The one voice he wants to hear never comes out of the speaker, anyway.

Until it might.

He simply stares at the screen completely taken aback, the familiar letters making her name glow on it. His mouth falls into an “o” shape at the sight of that old contact without a picture because he never bothered to add one after they broke up. She never calls.

Until she does.

He answers it after a couple of seconds, trying way too hard to let go of all the years of memories and love she throws through his door every time she shows up. He answers it because God knows what she may want this late. Maybe she needs him, maybe she’s in danger, maybe her car broke in the middle of nowhere and he was the only name she thought she could call for help. But maybe, just maybe, she misses him. He tries to shut down the thought on the back of his mind, but he can’t lie, he just wants her to tell that she miss him like he misses her. That, somewhere deep down, she still wants him.

“Hey”, he says, voice low, careful.

She takes a moment to talk back, and her voice is slow, heavy and unnatural. And he missed it way too much.

“I didn’t really think you’d pick up”.

“When haven’t I?”

“You never do when I really need it. When I want you, you’re never here”.

He recognizes the bitterness in her voice, recognizes the pause she makes in between her words and the tongue that stumbles through the letters of her speech. He sighs.

“Have you been drinking?”

“So maybe I have” she bites back stubbornly. He can hear the fading sound of music and suddenly her location feels like an important mystery he just has to solve. He needs to know where she is. “I had like two shots. Four tops. Maybe six. But you can’t judge me. I’ve seen you gulp down bottles of vodka, and tequila is not really that bad”.

“Where are you?”, he asks, ignoring her mumbling.

“Does it matter? What matters is that you’re not here. Don’t you understand? We’re never in the same fucking place anymore. We’re never feeling the same things”, she’s slurring her words again, tongue heavy. His heart tightens on his chest.

“Do you want me to pick you up?”, he asks, even though he knows she’ll say no. But he’s sitting on the bed anyway, reaching for the car keys on his bedside table.

It’s been so long since they last seen each other.

“Of course I don’t want you to come. She wouldn’t like it”.

He freezes then, the hazel eyes falling painfully over the frame near the window, where a different face smiles at him widely. Of course. Another time. New chances. But the same old love is filling his lungs up when he speaks again.

“I don’t care. Not if you need me”.

“I don’t need you”, she lies. He knows it, but he accepts her words anyway. He always has.

“So why are you calling me instead of your damn boyfriend? Where is him when you need it?”

His voice is filled with jealousy and hurt and anger when he says the dreadful word, and he hates to even think she’s not his anymore. He hates that she moved on and he had to do it too.

“Isn’t it always you? Doesn’t matter how long it has been, it’s always you on my mind when the shot burns through my throat and hazes my mind. Your face just can’t wait to run back into my mind whenever I let my guard down, can it?”

Ashton breathes precariously, sharp intakes of air punching his lungs at her words. He keeps the things he wants to shove at her in, locking the feelings and everything else inside because it’s true for her, just like it is for him, but it’s gone. It’s been so long since it’s gone and they are not a we anymore. No matter how many times they try to pick that love back up, it always ended the same way. She misses him, he misses her, she cries, he hurts, she doubts them and he can’t stand it. They break up.

But maybe, just maybe, today is a different day and it won’t hurt to admit it out loud. He knows she won’t remember any of this conversation tomorrow anyway.

“I love you too, shorty”.

It’s a coward act, but he doesn’t care. He has to take it off of his chest, time and again. Her breath hitches and he can imagine those pretty grey eyes he loves so much watering just by the way her voice sounds next. He wants nothing more than hold her, but he can’t. And it kills him.

“We’re going to be stuck in this forever, right? Me and you? Not being able to fully move on, dumping perfectly nice people that just can’t ever be good enough ‘cause… they’ll never be us. And then we’ll end up calling each other again and again way too early in the morning, drinking our memories away, completely unable to ever find out the true color of your eyes. I can remember it perfectly, Ash, right down to every golden and green drop of it. And I’m so tired, Ashton, I’m so tired of this. I just miss you so fucking much”.

He runs a hand through his hair, her words ricocheting inside his head and making his heart skip a few beats just because he knows it’s all true.

“You know what to do. It has always been in our hands”.

“I’m not ready. And I want to be, because it hurts so much everytime we try again and we fail, but I’m not”.

“You know we could make this work if you’d just come with me. We’ve discussed this time and time again, Y/N. If we’re together, there’s nothing we can’t take, there isn’t anything I won’t have your back for. But this we’re doing right now, this can’t go on. It hurts me too, and we can’t keep doing it forever. Eventually, we’ll have to learn how to move on”.

“And you’re already there, right? Leaving me behind”, her voice falters and comes to a full stop right before a sob echoes through the call.

He doesn’t even have time to even open his mouth before a beep takes over and she’s gone. Ashton purses his lip, because not even when she’s drunk she’s honest. And as soon as the thought occurs, he sighs guiltily, because really, who does he think he’s fooling?

He’s not honest even when he’s sober.

He sighs and look for her contact again, pressing it so he can type the words that he couldn’t speak out loud. He looks at his new girlfriend on the frame by the window again and feels dirty, but he can’t help it.

“I lied. I’ll wait forever, if I have to. I just wish you wouldn’t make me”.

And pressing send, he drops the phone on the mattress beside him, his mind screaming wild at the vision of her alone in a bar, crying her pretty eyes off because of him. He can’t stand the thought. The truth is: he loves her. There’s nao way to run from that. And maybe it’s the cold air from the morning, but he can help but admit he doesn’t want to. He only wants her.

He picks up the phone again, sending yet another message, his chest feeling lighter with every word his fingers type.

“Let me pick you up. Let me love you. Just let me back in”.

And when the phone buzzes again, just one word on the screen, he picks up the car keys and stands up, going to get her.

He waited long enough.

Tagged by @autumn-en ;O; <3

Last phone call: A friend coming back from Japan ôwô

Last text message: spoiler
Last song you listened to: Olafur Arnalds - A Stutter
Last time you cried: hasn’t been that far in past XD

HAVE YOU EVER:

Dated someone twice: Never dated. I dated a skeleton once tho…
Been cheated on: I remember this scene from gradeschool where my crush confessed he likes me very much,,,only to hear on girls bathroom
that he started to date another girl on same day. Does this count? We were… 9? 8’D Basically friendzoned while not even dating yes. But he giving me weird signal.
Lost someone special: yes
Kissed a stranger: on a cheek? As greeting?
Lost glasses or contacts: dun wear (yet)
Been arrested: nope
Turned someone down: yes. It was horrible and I don’t want to think about it.
Fallen for a friend: Yes. It was horrible too and I dont’ want to think about that either… :’D (worst thing also, I can only fall for people I have bond with)

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