i hate this song it gives me too many feels

Zodiac Signs in Drake Songs

Aries: Find Your Love “Too many times I’ve been wrong. I guess being right takes too long. I’m done waiting, there’s nothing left to do. But give all I have to you and I better find your lovin.”

Taurus: Shot For Me “I can see it in your eyes, you’re angry. Regret got shit on what you’re feeling now. Mad cause he ain’t like me // This is one I know you hated when you heard it. And it’s worse because you know that I deserve it.”

Gemini: U With Me? “You tell me that I’m confusin’. More immature than Marcus Houston. // All that grey in our conversation history, you playin’ mind games, when you sayin’ things. Playin’ mind games, we both doin’ the same thing. Slide on a late night. You like to slide on a late night. You send them, all you text without an invite.”

Cancer: Right Hand “You’re my right hand, you’re my go to. Told me everything about you. That’s a bold move. I know that you’re out here and there’s things you gotta go through. Just know that these streets just don’t love you like I do
and they never will.”

Leo: Shut It Down “Shooting stars all around her, fire, comets. I could bring her through and shut them down, Onyx. No, you’re not imagining, they’re looking at you long stares. Even though she’s standing out she looks like she belongs here.”

Virgo: Practice You only want what’s real. You just never found it. Don’t give them no more chances, oh girl. They had their turn. Everything for a reason, there’s things you had to learn from them.”

Libra: Too Good Yeah, these days I don’t know how to talk to you. I don’t know how to be there when you need me. It feels like the only time you’ll see me. Is when you turn your head to the side and look at me differently. // I’m too good to you. I’m way too good to you. You take my love for granted. I just don’t understand it.”

Scorpio: Marvin’s Room “Talk to me please, don’t have much to believe in. I need you right now, are you down to listen to me? // I’m just sayin’, you could do better. Tell me have you heard that lately. I’m just sayin’ you could do better. And I’ll start hatin’, only if you make me.”

Sagittarius: Come Thru We had the type of nights where morning comes too soon… and nothing was the same. We ain’t spoke in so long, probably put me in the past. I can still get you wet and I can still make you laugh. I could pour you up a drink and we can burn something.”

Capricorn: Fancy You don’t do it for the man, men never notice. You just do it for yourself. You’re the fucking coldest // Intelligent too ooh you’re my sweetheart. I’ve always liked my women book and street smart.”

Aquarius: Hold On, We’re Going Home “I got my eyes on you. You’re everything that I see. I want your hot love and emotion, endlessly. I can’t get over you. You left your mark on me.// Just hold on we’re going home. It’s hard to do these things alone.”

Pisces: The Real Her “They keep telling me don’t save you. If I ignore all that advice. Then something isn’t right. Then who will I complain to? // You got that shit that somebody would look for but won’t find. You must’ve done this before, this can’t be your first time.”

[as in if Drake (Scorpio) were singing/rapping to your sign or about your sign, these would be the songs]

Announcement...

I’m not going to lie to myself or to you beautifuls anymore. Honestly, I’ve fell out of the fandom. I’m not head over heels for Nate Maloley nor Derek Luh anymore, this fandom isn’t how it was at the start and I know people change and stuff but honestly I don’t like his songs anymore. They’re too..I don’t know what it is, I support him and he’ll go on to greater things but I don’t have time for this blog and I hate having it here because it makes me feel bad for not posting anything. So I’ve decided I’m just going to stop, I’m not going to give it away to anyone because I’m a selfish person and I’m proud of how many followers I gained and how much success I got all by myself. I’m just really not passionate about the fandom as I was when I made this blog, I’ve had my worth and like every other teenager out there - my obsessions and passions change. iamnateslilmama was just a phase, a phase I’ve grew out of but I loved and enjoyed it while it lasted. Again, I’m sorry for dragging this damn blog on for so long. I hope you all understand and I want to thank every little one of you that took the time to read my cringy imagines, request and follow me, I’ll love you forever and ever. Thank you.

iamnateslilmama out ✌🏼️

P.S - to all the little blogs out there who think you’ll never gain followers or notes, you fucking will. I never believed I would but I did and it was worth the wait, best wishes and love to you all❤️

Survey #152 : Bold What's True

One of my parents is laid off. 
I can’t stand when people tell me to “describe my pain”, I can’t. It fucking hurts, that’s it. 
Every girl best friend I’ve ever had leaves me for their boyfriend. 
There’s a song that makes me smile every time I hear it. 
I replay songs until I get completely sick of them. 
I’ve been awfully depressed lately. 
I wonder what kind of first impression I give. 
I don’t dot my I’s. 
I’ve never had a problem swallowing pills. 
My handwriting isn’t legible at times. 
I use Google everyday, it’s so handy. 
I can’t use the Internet on my phone. 
I don’t like when people get close to my face when they’re talking to me. 
Someone keeps constantly letting me down. 
I’ve had a nightmare recently. 
I Facebook creep on everyone. 
I think I ‘like’ too many people’s statuses on Facebook. 
I hate pumping gas. 
I feel like I’m going nowhere in life. 
If I don’t look absolutely perfect, I won’t leave the house. 
I hate when pills have a yucky after taste. 
I’m allergic to cats. 
I haven’t really been myself lately, at all. 
I cry really really easily. 
I’ve met someone who looks like me. 
I’ve never been a huge fan of PDA. 
I don’t like to kiss and tell. 
I have friends who consider me “one of the guys”. 
I wish I had $$$. 
I’ve applied to a lot of jobs recently. 
I HATE getting lost while driving. 
I’d rather be the passenger in the car than the driver. 
I don’t understand why girls WANT to get pregnant so young. 
I wont be a teenager on my next birthday. 
I should be sleeping right now. 
I plan on buying the Jersey Shore when it comes out on DVD.

Rowan Blanchards Interview via Rookiemeg.com

In the last few hours of 2015, I went through the versions of myself that I wanted to leave in that year—keeping the posi-magazine-headline me (“Loving Urself AND Ur Body: U Can Do It!”) and discarding the me that, like, screams at my mom. It was easy to draw that dichotomy, until I came upon one quality that has given me just as much comfort as it has struggle: apologizing.

My codependent relationship with self-blame and self-deprecation, as a means of self-defense has held me tightly since I can remember. It has felt safer and less terrifying to silence myself to a degree, than to actually engage with people, and make them take responsibility for their own actions. I have treated, specifically, male feelings and ego as superior to, and more fragile than my own. This practice dates back to elementary school, where it was first embedded in me and my female classmates, that our feelings, bodies, and minds would be used as weapons against us—mostly, but not exclusively—by our male peers.

My first memory of rejecting my emotions to improve another person’s outlook on me was in the third grade, although I’m sure it happened unconsciously even before that. We often read books in which dogs died so, naturally, I would cry before, during, and after class. When I realized that crying = boys making fun of you, instead of delivering a lecture about the layers and power in of female emotion and the history of its being used to undermine women (eight-year-old me didn’t really know about that yet), I apologized. And when on the first day of middle school, an eager/nervous/anxious/EXCITED TO HAVE A LOCKER!!! me was greeted by teachers who warned me of suspension because of the length of my skirt, I apologized. That same year, when I was just becoming aware of my body, a boy I had formerly considered a friend told me my arms were “so hairy they could be Godzilla’s,” so I told him I was sorry. On that same day, I snuck a razor out of my mom’s bathroom and shaved my legs for the first time, praying that the boy hadn’t seen how Godzilla THEY were. That was also the week I snuck concealer out of my mom’s bathroom and applied it at 6:30 AM because that same boy had told me my under eyes were dishearteningly dark. I’d apologized about that, too.

Adolescence, specifically girl adolescence, is confusing. In, like, five seconds flat, you are “too grown” to wear clothes that you wore a year before, and your mom is telling you that you can’t walk around by yourself with shorts on anymore. Meanwhile, you’re being taught (practically unconsciously) a bunch of guidelines: “Apologize Always,” “How to Put Other’s Happiness Before Urs.” This change, from the beginning to the middle of adolescence, can obviously really confuse a person; in every book, play, and movie the middle is where all the confusing, heightened-action stuff happens.

Here are three things that have helped me trust myself enough to know that I don’t always have to say sorry for myself:

1. What seems like the total end of the world, while valid, is not (usually) the end of the world in a week. And what seems like the total end of the world to YOU, while valid, is not necessarily the end of the world to the other person involved in the situation. Take this Beatles verse from “Strawberry Fields Forever”: “No one I think is in my tree / I mean it must be high or low / That is, you can’t, you know, tune in / But it’s all right / That is I think it’s not too bad.” Actually, I just read all of the lyrics again, and take this whole song to temporarily fix your problems! Thanks John, Paul, George, and Ringo!

2. REALIZE THAT YOU CANNOT LIVE UP TO ANYONE OR ANYTHING. You can only do your best YOU. Not the “be you, and have yourself figured out and know everything about the world” you, but the you who knows that your role models, icons, and inspirations are not meant to make you feel bad that you cannot be like them, like, I must get into an Ivy League college and win a Grammy/Oscar/Presidential Medal of Freedom by the time I am eight. No. No matter who they are, they still had to go through their “middle” and they made it through, so you can, too. In December, Guillermo del Toro tweeted something that I think really goes along with this whole idea: “Favorite movies don’t have to be perfect movies. Like in any relationship, Love is what makes them stick around.”

3. Understand that you need to be able to be alone, and know that you are enough for yourself. Here’s what helped me to realize this:

Take pictures of yourself however you feel comfortable, and instead of looking at the first thing you hate about your appearance, find the first thing you like. (I may not totally love everything about my body yet, but I do love my dimples, eyebrows, legs/toes/index finger, ET CETERA.) It’s helped me to look under the#bodyposi hashtag and to follow Art Hoe Collective and Petra Collins on Instagram, who celebrate beauty in it’s many forms—however and whomever you are. Whenever I feel really horrible about my appearance, I shut my bedroom door, turn on a Beyoncé song, dance until I LITERALLY CAN’T BREATHE, and collapse on my bed. By that time, every if temporarily, I have forgotten that I hate certain things about me because I was too busy not giving a care with Queen B.In order to quit apologizing to other people, you must first and foremost learn to stop apologizing for being yourself to yourself. Form a camaraderie between the versions of yourself that you can trust whole-heartedly to be there to pick you up when you are down—Tavi wrote about this in her Both Sides Now Editor’s Letter. If you can’t love ALL of yourself, start by loving a VERSION of yourself.

***

On January 26, 2013, engulfed and overwhelmed in all of this “middle” confusion, I wrote in my diary:

I HATE REGRETS. I HAVE SO MANY OF THEM. I LIVE A DOUBLE LIFE.
[…] WOULD OTHERS LOVE ME STILL IF THEY KNEW I CRY MORE THAN I SMILE?

I can kind of answer that question for myself now:

On November 10, 2015 you went walking around New York by yourself for six hours in an effort to try to heal. You walked first to Central Park, where you lay down in autumn and let the rain pour on your face. You went to the bench by the pond and stood on tall rocks and looked out. You realized that crying happens not only when you are happy or sad, but also when you are indifferent. You recognized that you don’t have to know who you are yet, or ever; as long as you work to become comfortable with whoever you are at the moment, you will be OK. You don’t have to apologize for who you are, and you certainly don’t have to apologize for who you are not. I think what you need to know most of all right now, is that all you ever need is yourself. What other people think or say can hurt—that is valid, PLEASE don’t trivialize what you are feeling—but you must matter most to yourself. You owe it to yourself to care for your truth. You owe it to yourself to live that truth.

Will life be easier if you stop playing pretend? Yes and no. Some things get easier, and so, some things get much harder. Then those hard things get easier and new things become harder. It all repeats itself, somehow. But if you listen closely to the tiny voice in your head, the calm one, that is you talking. And if you turn up the volume on it and try to listen, it blocks all the other voices out. ♦

Jack Gilinsky imagine (sorry if its long)

“As much as I appreciate you wanting to believe that you know me. Jack you’ve only been here for three months, I should hope it takes a bit longer than that to really know who I am. Okay, so just go. Please.”

“You think it takes longer than three months to see past the front you put up for everyone? That is true for most people, your friends think they know all there is tomboy about you. They can’t see that you aren’t always the happy person you pretend to be. You think I don’t know you? Okay, but let me ask you this. How many people that have known you longer than me can tell when you’re sick, not tired, but actually sick? Do you know how many of your friends actually care about you, because I do. I know more than you think. How you hate taking the bus, but you take it anyways because you don’t want I drive alone. Only because you are worried about the other people on the road, and because driving alone would give you too much time to think. I know that you can’t stand Justin Bieber but you listen to most if his songs. You feel out of place in a house full of Taylor Swift hater, which is why you feel awkward defending her. You listen to music for the music, you don’t judge based on their personal life. And I love that about you.
"Liv, as much as you value what other people say you will always do your own thing. You let other people bring you down, and you are so wrong to do that. I know that you hate to cry in front of someone, but you wanna know something? I think you are beautiful when you cry. Your eyes turn this amazing shade of green and when I see it I am so happy because you look even more beautiful, and I get angry. Because as beautiful as I find that, I want to find whoever made you so upset that you cried and I want to bash their face in for making you cry.”

“I- Jac–”

“No, I’m not even close to finished. I know that you have lost more people that you care about in your life than you will ever admit. You miss your uncle more than ever right now because he said something when you were younger and you wish you could know what he’d say about you now. You hate bringing up you friend from sophomore year because you feel like it might be your fault, like you could have prevented it. And I know this is what everyone says, but there is no way you will ever know. And it might be partly because of you, it might not be, but you can’t let that be the reason you don’t talk about it. You have to accept it and move on. And you know what else I know? I know that when you find someone you like you fall, you don’t think, there’s no waiting, you fall and fall hard and fast. And that is what makes you so much stronger than anyone else. You have got to be the most independent, open-hearted, and strongest person I know and I don’t care if you hate that, I will still feel that way. I love every single thing you don’t about yourself and I love you even more.
"I love that you try even to the last minute, when it’s almost too late to even bother. You give everything you’ve got and then some. Wonderful, amazing, talented, gorgeous, smart, funny and so much more. Everyone else can see what you are made of, we all love you. I love you. I will always love you. I live to see you smile and I die to be the one making you laugh.”
“Jack, what are you saying?”
“I’m saying that I know you better than anyone else. Your best friends don’t even know you this well. Do they even know how truly out of place you feel in your family? Do they, because I know it’s not that you don’t get along with them, it’s that they don’t include you. You are so, so different from anyone in your family. I don’t know if you realise but that is what makes you who you are. You will be independent because of them, even if you will never even think of turning your back on them. You love them unconditionally no matter how they make you feel. So to answer your question, I am trying to say that you may not want me to but I will always be there for you and I will always love you.”

Jack spilled his heart out while I stood there on the verge of a breakdown. I didn’t know what to say, my brain wouldn’t compute it. Not even one part. All I really knew was that deep down, I knew he was right about everything. That thought pushed me over the edge.

The tears came and all the stress and pressure from the past few weeks came crashing down on my shoulders. I was crying and I was out of control, the wave of exhausting fatigue broke upon my body sending me falling like a dead rotted-out tree in the forest. The pain from smacking my head on the ground would have been enough to release me from the hell in my mind, that is if I had fallen and not been stopped.

Two comfortingly familiar arms were wrapped around my back, pressing me in to Jack’s chest. Being within the confines of his embrace made everything else seem so benign and distant. I felt safe and loved and so indescribably at peace. I realised in that moment, I felt as if I belonged there, I felt like I was home.

“Jack?” He pulled back to look at me as I spoke, always a gentleman looking at me as a sign of respect. I am glad he did though. If he hadn’t, I have no idea how I would have done what I did next.

I moved my hands from resting beside his collarbone, up the side of his neck to cradle his head between my palms. I rose to the very tips of my toes and pulled him down the rest of the way, the blessed curse of being five foot. When he was finally, finally, where I needed him to be, I let go of every fear I had. Looking from his breathtaking brown eyes to his beautiful lips and back, I did what I had been waiting to for so long. I closed the gap and kissed him.

I pulled back ready to run when he didn’t react, instantly regretting it. Jack, however had no such plans. He pulled me in tighter and began stroking up and down my spine, placing delicate kisses to the top of my head. “You’re right.”

“What? What do you mean ‘I’m right’?” he said, completely and somehow adorably confused.

“Everything you said. You are right, but as long as I have you somewhere close by, all that seems so much easier to handle.” He looked at me puzzled for a few more seconds, then it clicked. He started beaming, smiling his most amazing smile that very few ever got to see. This smile was t for the camera, it was a genuine sign of his feelings.

“Liv, I promise that as long as you want me here, I will be. You deserve so much better, but I will give you everything I have if it makes life easier for you. I love you. I really do.” He kissed my forehead, then my cheeks, next my nose. “I. Love. You.” And finally my lips.

“If you don’t think I’m too crazy to be around. That’s where you are wrong. You deserve so much more than what I can give, yet you still chose me. I love you even more. Always have, always will.”
——-
Let me know how you liked it, if at all. If you want one ask and I’ll do my best for you. xo Me