i hate these take them away

process of becoming

it’s finally time to be alone.  

i’m telling you this in advance: being alone is a whole other mess you have to dive into. you are going to feel it scrapping your insides and its going to make you cringe and you are going to hate it.

you are going to be bad at it.  you will try to find refuge under the skin of others, you will use them as umbrellas to avoid getting soaked in the storm. listen. i am not telling you to dance in the rain.  i know how unrealistic that sounds.  sit in it though.  let it take over you, and then watch it go away.  experience it.   understand that it goes away.    it always goes away.  

you are going to be furious.  you are going to throw things, break them, and then for a second you might feel better.  and then you are going to be sad. you will cry.  it’s okay.  cry.  cry as much as you need to, for being the abuser and the abused.

listen to me. this hasn’t hit you yet because i’ve been holding your heart safe.

but soon, you will start to feel different.

don’t let this change you.

it’s okay to miss her.  but realize it’s not her you miss but her body. the weight. the space she occupied. the satisfaction she gave you by taking over your insides, the reason behind your feeling of fullness. realize it’s how powerful she made you feel, that you miss. not her power. but your own.

forgive yourself. for watching her put you above everything and everyone when you stopped fighting.  when you realized before she did, there is nothing to fight for anymore. forgive yourself for not caring as much as you should have. forgive yourself for ignoring her, treating her in a way you never dreamed of treating anyone. for ignoring the letter. her cry for help. for calling this attention seeking. forgive yourself for moving on. it’s okay.  sometimes, we are the toxic ones. the cruel ones. the heartless ones. and it’s okay to admit this. grow from it though.

understand people that are unstable and lost and unaware of who they are, are incapable of loving properly.  understand she didn’t know how. you didn’t know how. forgive her for the aches she caused under your bare skin. forgive her for showing you the dark sides of yourself that you weren’t ready to take a walk in yet.

listen.  whatever happens next, i know what you are capable of.  don’t be a warrior.  don’t fight.  don’t battle the demons, don’t walk around with your arms and fists up.  don’t turn hard.  I’m not asking you for a promise, i am giving you an order: heal yourself.  you have to.  you can’t let this turn you into a monster.  heal yourself and come out stronger and brighter and wiser.  and don’t look back.  

listen to me.

this is it okay?  this is your seed.

music shuffle tag

Rules: put your music library on shuffle. List the first 10 songs that come up.  I didn’t shuffle my whole music library because some of those songs are…. embarrassing (like HSM and Hannah Montana and One Direction that I haven’t deleted form when I was 11 lol) So I shuffled one of my mass playlists. don’t know if that’s against the rules??? oh well DONT JUDGE MY MUSIC TASTES LOL OKAY!! hahahahahaha I have a really large range of tastes and none of them fit together…

I was tagged by @feysandsmut and @vukica10 thanks loves😘

1. As before- Anders

2. Take my breath away- Alesso

3. Hate me now- Nas

4. For what its worth- Kygo

5. 7 Years- Lukas Grahm

6. Atlantis- Seafret

7. Start a fire- Passenger

8. Stay- Rhianna

9. Icarus- R3hab

10. Nog Steeds (Lange Frans/ its a dutch song)

I tag these babes: @morrigansss @ignite-my-love @highladyofidris @miladyaelin @catastrophicallyinlovewithbooks @igniscorde7112 @lovely-starfall Sorry if you’ve already done it, I couldn’t remember who had 😬💕

“””developing countries””” 

“””third world countries””” 

…you mean countries that are still recovering from colonialism and other western intervention??? let’s not sugar coat the reason why their “development” was hindered and act like they are still in those stages because they are inherently inferior to western countries. the west saw their greatness and they left them in ruin on purpose. referring to these countries as developing or third world is fucking degrading terminology that takes away responsibility from countries like the UK and the US. 

Tips I Wish I Had Growing Up FTM
  • Don’t throw away your favorite shirt just because it’s pink or in a women’s cut, one day you might be passing and confident enough to wear it again. Don’t stop wearing or doing something you like just because it’s not traditionally masculine.
  • It can take years, YEARS, for even the most supporting family member to use the right name and pronouns, because they’ve known you since you were born as one thing, and it can be hard for them to automatically correct themselves. I know you hear this a lot from THEM, but this is coming from another trans dude. If they’re trying their hardest to understand you, if they support you in your transition, don’t treat them like the devil for slipping up on your name and pronouns. Try to be patient in correcting them. Above all else, they love you. Remember that!
  • If you’re in a safe home environment, it’s best to come out to everyone at once. Rip off the bandaid. It can be really stressful for close family not to know what to call you in front of other family members when you use your preferred name and pronouns with everyone but certain people. Don’t feel like you need to hide yourself from certain people if they’re extended family that you’re not going to see until next Thanksgiving. Put it out there so that everyone knows and nobody needs to sneak around the subject.
  • Don’t resent previously transphobic relatives for things they said before they came to support you. Sometimes it takes someone in the family coming out for them to realize that trans people are people to. Take pride in the fact that you changed their perspective on it, don’t hate them for what they used to believe.
  • Don’t go out with straight guys. I can’t stress this enough. If he’s only into you because you’re AFAB, stay away from him. Ask him about his sexuality. If he says anything about “only going out with trans guys”, get the fuck out of there. Stay away from straight guys.
  • Bind in moderation. Don’t bind at home, and don’t bind under baggy clothing. Not only is it bad for your ribs, but you can get a pretty gross rash from wearing a sweaty binder all the time that’s a pain in the ass to get rid of.
  • If you’re a B cup and under, you can flatten your chest down with a single sports bra and get pretty much the same results as using an actual binder. I’m a B cup and I can pass with just a sports bra, not to mention it’s ten times more comfortable.
  • When you’re trying to get a recommendation for HRT, you’re going to need to see a sex therapist, and you’re going to be asked a lot of uncomfortable questions. You’ll be asked about your sexual and romantic preferences, on top of questions about dysphoria and general trans stuff. It’s awkward and anxiety inducing, and it’s gonna suck, but the therapist’s goal is to get you in to see the endo and the questions are there so that they can see if you fit the diagnosis for gender dysphoria. All you have to do is tell them you identify as trans and you have dysphoria, nothing else really matters.
  • Having a personality disorder doesn’t invalidate your identity or your need for hormones. That concern didn’t even come up when I got my recommendation!
  • Opt for injections over gel. I know a lot of young trans people go for testosterone gel because it’s less scary than the injections, but I haven’t met a single trans dude my age that was happy being on the gel. Every trans dude I’ve met that was on the gel says that it didn’t offer much physical change for them and they switched to the injections instead.
  • The injections don’t hurt as much as you anticipate they will. It hurts less than having your blood drawn. The fear of needles is usually what gets people, but if you have a family member that can do your injections for you, it’s far easier than doing them yourself.
  • Testosterone makes your body odor smell ridiculously bad. Shower daily and use deodorant.
  • Testosterone makes you really horny, and that’s the first symptom you’re going to notice. This is going to lead you to want to make bad choices in the name of getting laid. Don’t let your hormones get the better of you. Find a nice, SAFE way to relieve those urges. Don’t go sleeping with just anybody (again, stay the hell away from straight dudes!). There are literal forums dedicated to things you can use to get off when you don’t have any toys, I shit you not, and that was my godsend growing up.
  • Wait at least a year to get rid of your pads and tampons. Just. Just trust me on this one. It can happen.
  • Don’t have unprotected sex under the guise that you’re completely infertile because of testosterone. Again. It can happen.

Any other trans adults are welcome to add to this!!!

Sangwoo’s Feelings for Yoonbum

This is an analysis of Sangwoo’s feelings and thoughts throughout the chapters and how he developed feelings for Bum. This is basically Sangwoo’s POV of the story. It might answer some of the questions I’ve been seeing around about ‘Why did Sangwoo do this or that?’ and etc.

0. Emptiness

I think it’s very obvious that Sangwoo used to be really really lonely before Bum showed up. As a child he was abused and I think he was very attached to his mother so he lost the only person in his life that he truly loved. Imagine how frustrating it is to always pretend to be someone else. Be happy, smile, laugh, joke and hang out with people you don’t even like. You think they’re flawed, shallow, stupid, ungrateful and have ugly personalities (Sangwoo’s words) but this is the only way he can be with people. He has to wear a mask 24/7 that hides his true personality and I don’t care if he’s horrible, he’s still human. He doesn’t whine about it but he’s been subconsciously suffering. He has so many ‘friends’ and yet he’s completely lonely because nobody accepts him for what he really is. He literally does not have anyone.

Now before you blame his behavior and tendencies, I want to point out that I think Sangwoo has Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD), shows signs of BPD and also he’s a victim of abuse so with those in mind, let’s start:


1. ‘A perverted stalker?’

A guy broke into Sangwoo’s house and when he got caught, he confessed to him, telling him that he’s been in love with him. Sangwoo smiles because ‘people are full of shit’ and say anything to save themselves. Let’s trust his words here and say he didn’t kill Bum because he hadn’t kill a man in 3 years but I also think at that moment he feels like he should keep Bum around. Maybe out of curiosity? He’s not sure why yet. He just knows Bum is a different case. To do that, he breaks Bum’s legs to make sure he won’t leave.


2. ‘Can I be attracted to a man?’

He doesn’t know what to do with this guy. Bum is not loud or annoying, he doesn’t disobey him and is powerless. Sangwoo started to rationalize things for himself and figure out if he can be attracted to Bum, a man, in any way, basically he started exploring,

But still, he doesn’t trust this ‘perverted stalker’ so he is thinking, ‘I’ll provoke him and I’ll have a reason to end his life.’ BUT to his surprise, his plan backfires. Bum likes the abuse (or at least pretends to). Despite mocking Yoonbum, Sangwoo is surprised! He loves what he’s seeing. I believe he never got a reaction like that from anyone before when abusing them. And so he takes another step forward and kisses him, still experimenting.

He likes the kiss. He decides to keep Bum for now. He keeps him in the basement for a week. He hurts Bum by cutting him (punishing him) but still Yoonbum doesn’t push him away. Sangwoo realizes Yoonbum really is not a threat and is powerless which is why he took him upstairs and when Yoonbum begged him not to take him to the basement again, despite rejecting him, he considered it.


3. ‘You will hate me!’ First Test

Sangwoo believed Yoonbum will eventually want to leave him. Because I think he is aware of his own wrong actions to some point at least. Why would anyone want to stay with him after everything that happened, right? But the big improvement was that he wasn’t planning to kill him anymore. Why? I believe this is where the feelings started to develop. When he sees his mother (the only person he loved), in Yoonbum. Although he can separate these two people very well in reality.

Yoonbum said ‘I love you!’ AGAIN even after everything and Sangwoo is once again surprised! He slowly starts to trust this person’s feelings. He even gives him a knife but… not because he trusts Bum. That’s a test. I’m not sure if this translation is right but I believe that’s what he means by ‘I have something I want to confirm too’. He’s testing Yoonbum’s loyalty. He wants to know if Bum really means it when he says he loves him.

After that the real abuse starts and I believe he’s copying his father’s behavior while Yoonbum is ‘the mom’. He makes him do house chores, beats him up, etc… Meanwhile he enjoys abusing him and is waiting for an excuse to hurt him badly because he’s not emotionally attached to him yet. He doesn’t care. But Yoonbum is always obedient and finally… Sangwoo lets Yoonbum sit at the table with him because he wonders why Yoonbum is so nice to him, always smiling and listening to him and even made him a really nice dinner. He suspects him and it happens to be the same night Yoonbum uses the rat poison. For whatever reason, the poison doesn’t work on Sangwoo and Yoonbum passes the first test!


4. ‘He really loves me?’

When Yoonbum got sick, is where we can see Sangwoo’s emotions to some point. Sangwoo picked him up and took him to the basement but he looked at Bum and actually felt sorry for him (or maybe he just couldn’t see him as a threat. Either way) He went back up and laid him down on his own mattress. He took care of him and told him to rest. You can see him sitting beside him and staring at him in silence and I love this panel so much because you can see Sangwoo caring. can’t help but feel like he’s worrying for his sick bunny xD His emotions aren’t strong but he doesn’t want to lose Bum.

I think the question Yoonbum asked (whether he really meant it or not) made Sangwoo happy a bit. Chapter 5 is where he finally feels attached to Yoonbum and shows him affection. They started exchanging stories. Sangwoo was actually interested to know about his story, although he was a bit disappointed, saying that it’s ‘boring’ and that he hates weak people like Yoonbum who self pity. “Stop going on about how lonely you are. I hate that shit.” Why? Because Sangwoo is not the type that stay sad and depressed over their misfortunes. He’s the type that wants to get stronger to beat whatever and whoever is in his way. But in a way he thinks Yoonbum is like him. He started comparing himself with Yoonbum which is a big improvement. He told him how Yoonbum made things easier for him. “Why? How? I looked for a reason. And then I saw you.” He told Bum he was glad they were together and Yoonbum’s love made him feel stronger which I believe means Yoonbum’s love and obedience gives him confidence. And by kissing Bum’s wrist he implied that the love can be mutual.
Although he still doesn’t fully trust him (which is probably why he also refused the bj) but he was letting himself believe that Bum’s love for him was real. He’s happy to see someone is still in love with him even after everything that happened and after he saw Sangwoo’s true personality. He has someone now that knows his darkest secrets and still wants him for what he really is.


5. ‘Almost there…’ Second Test

Everything seems to be going well after that. Sangwoo was kind and affectionate towards Yoonbum. He took care of him and joked around. Although I’d like to think he was being too nice on purpose and not really himself and that’s because the second test was coming. He wanted Bum to feel he’d lowered his guards. He reminded Bum not to cross the line then left the house and Bum fails the second test.


6. ‘Don’t be pathetic.’ First Lesson

Even though he was hoping Yoonbum won’t come out, he expected it (considering he had the basement ready for him). He does not trust Bum at all and I think he was trying to kill Bum until he saw him calling his name even in his last moments so that changed his mind. It’s as if you want to let go of someone you like but they keep coming back to you so you can’t make the right decision. He wants Yoonbum. He wants someone to love him and he knows he probably won’t ever find anyone like that again. He was disappointed in Yoonbum SO he decided to make him better! Stronger! Like himself. So after punishing him, first he decided to show him how pathetic he is. He found a guy for Bum to kill (’for practice’), meanwhile insulting both of them to show Bum how 'bad’ it is to be weak.

Sangwoo still cares about him and makes sure Yoonbum knows that. The sick little mind games he played, were only because he enjoys seeing Bum relying on him and trusting him blindly. As I said before, it gives him confidence and makes him feel stronger.

This first murder happened. It was supposedly to make Bum stronger, show him how it feels to kill and… the most important part, help Yoonbum understand Sangwoo and be closer to him (spiritually!?) so they can be together.


7. ‘He left me too! I won’t forgive him!’ The Breakdown

Fear of abandonment. I already wrote a long post and talked about Sangwoo’s fear of abandonment here. The panic that happens after he thinks he’s been abandoned and the roller coaster of emotions. Rage, Fear, Worry, Sadness. He feels betrayed. He goes mad … and I have one thing to add to it all. I think that might’ve been how he felt when his mother ‘left him’ AKA died considering the flashbacks. (I’m not sure if this person is his mother though. She might have been a replacement?) I don’t know if Sangwoo killed her or something else happened but we can be sure that he loves and wants Yoonbum equally.

When he finds Yoonbum… he realizes how valuable he is to him and so he finally decides, “Let’s stay together… forever…”


8. ‘See how disgusting people are’

I’m going to skip a bit to where Sangwoo introduces Yoonbum to his ‘friends’. I think this is all to let Yoonbum get bullied, emotionally hurt, to build up some anger in him and provoke him. To remind him this is how people will treat you if you let them. Sangwoo already knows Yoonbum has been bullied and hurt a lot in his life because in a way he can relate to him. They are the same people. They were both hurt and abused and they have the right to punish these disgusting people. And this is all for Yoonbum and for the both of them. Sangwoo is pulling him up to his level or at least close so that they can be together. Jieun was a gift to Yoonbum and Sangwoo was happy to see Yoonbum accepted that gift.



I tried to keep this as short as possible. I think I understand Sangwoo well and I believe this is also the reason why he kills… but still these are only my thoughts and how I see everything. So they might not be 100% true. Koogi might have more surprises for her readers. But still, I love this character a lot and I can’t wait to see and know more about him and his past. Also I kind of fast forwarded the last chapter because there are so many posts about it already.

jin stans: older than 20. mature. beautiful. think theyre funny. theyre not. everyone likes you, you think they dont but they do dont worry. take a lot of food pics.

yoongi stans: lgbt. love cats. are sad and soft inside but tsundere af. stop being so sarcastic please. fights with the teacher for fun. are adorable but only with ppl they know.

hoseok stans: soft. pretty. amazing. too pure for this world. i love you. youre perfect. you smell good. hoseok stans for president 2020. there is literally nothing bad about you.

namjoon stans: sexy and perfect if youre a girl, straight and lowkey annoying if youre a boy. protect them, theyre soft and get hurt easily even if they seem tough. beautiful like a galaxy. trips a lot.

jimin stans: too extra chill pls there is no need. supportive. sensitive but will cut a bitch if it’s necessary. theyre effortlessly hot teach me. have a temper™

taehyung stans: go away with your hipster shit. art hoe, music hoe, fashion hoe, also just a hoe. have like a thousand facebook friends and they actually talk to them all consistently, like how? confident.

jungkook stans: cute. seem bitchy but theyre really not so dont hate them for it. would take a bullet for their friends. generous. cry easily. smart af. 

You have to be willing to work. I mean, really work your ass off, not work like you do in the job you hate and not work where you think you’ll get away with slacking off. It is called the grind for a reason, machines don’t stop until the outcome is reached. Goals are not easy to accomplish, they are going to take it out of you, but when you reach them, there is one hell of a view.
— 

Grind by Amy Kennedy

24/03/17

Like this? Check out my book!

in which jack and shitty accidentally date

based on a dream I had, I present: a short semi-fic about Jack and Shitty and their day-long, beautiful relationship.

Basically, this is what happens:

At a kegster during their freshmen year, in which Shitty is running around being the life of the party even though he’s a freshman, Jack is also in attendance– talking to Berger and Marsh in the kitchen. Jack is there, partly to keep an eye on Shitty, partly because he is surprised by how much he does like some of the guys on his team, mostly because they had won today and Jack is in quite a good mood. Not a good enough mood that he is going to risk going into the living room where music is blasting, but in a good enough mood that he is holding a solo cup of beer and chilling in the kitchen, chatting with Berger and Marsh. He is at ease as Jack ever is– laughing good naturedly as they tease both him and each other and of course, this is when the trouble starts.

The trouble is this: Marsh is drunk and excited that Jack has actually shown up to a Haus kegster and since Jack seems to be in a good mood, Marsh decides to take a risk and ask Jack a Question. More specifically, Marsh rams an friendly elbow into Jack’s ribs and goes:

“Yo, Zimmermann, you like anyone on campus yet?”

A few months prior, that question would have made Jack freeze up. But now, Jack smiles easily (because honestly, it is a rather respectful question– “like” instead of “fuck”; “anyone” instead of assuming “girl”) and he certainly doesn’t want to get into his romantic history or lack of crushes so he smiles, shrugs, and says

“Nah, love’s shitty,” It’s still friendly and he smiles and asks Berg about his crush that the whole team knows about and that should be that.

The problem, however, is that what Alex Berger and Carter Marsh heard was not “Nah, love’s shitty,” but “I’m in love with Shitty.”

Which, of course, is a much bigger deal. 

Keep reading

ed sheeran’s divide | sentence meme.

eraser.

  • ❛ i was born into a small town. i lost that state of mind. ❜
  • ❛ so blame it on the pain that blessed me with the life. ❜
  • ❛ friends and family filled with envy when they should be filled with pride. ❜
  • ❛ when the world’s against me is when i really come alive. ❜
  • ❛ you know that i’ve got whisky with white lies and smoke in my lungs. ❜
  • ❛ i need to get in the right mind and clear myself up. ❜
  • ❛ i look in the mirror, questioning what i’ve become. ❜
  • ❛ i’m well aware of certain things that can destroy a person like me. ❜
  • ❛ i am happy on my own so here i’ll stay. ❜
  • ❛ save your loving arms for a rainy day. ❜
  • ❛ i’ll find comfort in my pain eraser. ❜
  • ❛ i chased the picture perfect life. i think they painted it wrong. ❜
  • ❛ i beg you, don’t be disappointed with the person i’ve become. ❜
  • ❛ the world may be filled with hate, but keep erasing it now, somehow. ❜

castle on the hill.

  • ❛ i was younger then. ❜
  • ❛ i found my heart and broke it here. ❜
  • ❛ i know i’ve grown. i can’t wait to go home. ❜
  • ❛ i miss the way you make me feel. ❜
  • ❛ we watched the sun set over the castle on the hill. ❜
  • ❛ had my first kiss on a friday day. i don’t reckon i did it right. ❜

dive.

  • ❛ maybe i came on too strong. maybe i waited too long. ❜
  • ❛ maybe i played my cards wrong. oh, just a little bit wrong. ❜
  • ❛ i could live, i could die, hanging on the words you say. ❜
  • ❛ i’ve been known to give my all. ❜
  • ❛ so don’t call me, baby, unless you mean it. ❜
  • ❛ don’t tell me you need me if you don’t believe it. ❜
  • ❛ so let me know the truth before i dive right into you. ❜
  • ❛ do you have a tendency to lead some people on? ‘cuz i heard you do. ❜

shape of you. 

  • ❛ the club isn’t the best place to find a lover, so the bar is where i go. ❜
  • ❛ your love was handmade for somebody like me. ❜
  • ❛ i’m in love with the shape of you. we push and pull like a magnet do. ❜
  • ❛ although my heart is falling too, i’m in love with your body. ❜
  • ❛ last night you were in my room, and now my bed sheets smell like you. ❜
  • ❛ we talk for hours and hours about the sweet and the sour. ❜

Keep reading

Seijou Players As (More) Things That Have Been Said In My Workplace

Oikawa: Joke’s on you, as my employee you’re contractually obligated to come to my funeral!

Iwaizumi: I kind of want to adopt you… if only so I could ground you and take away your internet.

Hanamaki: Look, I know the scones are a best seller, but they’re a bitch to make so I hate them on principle.

Matsukawa: I’m sorry, it sounds like you’re asking me to be unhappy about something while I’m holding a tray filled with fresh cooked bacon. I’m afraid I can’t do both and you will pry this bacon from my cold, dead hands.

Yahaba: I know our relationship is based heavily on sarcasm but right now I am being so serious when I say get the fuck out of my kitchen.

Kyoutani: Overtime?? Ugh, it’s bad enough I had to leave my house to get here…

Watari: HOSTILE WORK ENVIRONMENT!! Everyone eat a cupcake and relax!

Kindaichi: (whispering) Why is everyone so gentle with the croissants, but so rough with my feelings?

Kunimi: Look, you’re my boss. And it is very important to me that you understand that that is the only reason I’m not flipping you off right now.

Give me a break.

Hii! I know it’s been forever since I wrote something and I’m very sorry. There’s been so much on my mind lately and so many things that made me feel overwhelmed and I just needed to sort it out. This is kind of very loosely based on ‘Love me or leave me’ by Little Mix because someone requested it. I hope you like it. I plan on writing a second part.xxx

“Well, maybe I don’t fucking care anymore!”
It seemed like his booming voice made the whole house vibrate. It seemed like it cut right through Y/N. His words felt like he took a knife and rammed it into her heart and to top it all off he twisted it slowly so the pain had time to spread.
These last weeks felt like nothing but pain for her. He was never home and even when he was he somehow wasn’t. She let him in and he pushed her away. He pushed her so far away she couldn’t feel him anymore.
“Why are you still here then!?”
She had had enough. If he didn’t care anymore he could walk out the door and never come back.
Harry scoffed, turned around and walked up the stairs. When he slammed the bedroom door shut Y/N could feel the last bit of connection between them slipping away completely.
It’s never been this harsh. They slammed doors and yelled hurtful things before but it’s never been like this. Somehow this felt final.
She didn’t know how it happened, how everything between them began to crumble. But it did.
She didn’t feel his loving touch in at least three months. She didn’t hear his loving words in at least three months.
They fought almost every day and when they didn’t fight they didn’t talk to each other at all. Mornings were spent alone and cold, both waking up at their own times without a good morning kiss or a cuddle or anything at all. Nights were even worse. They went to sleep in the same bed but facing away from each other. They never solved their problems before bed. They broke their rule every single night and went to bed angry.
And even though right now Y/N might think it would be better if their paths would part she also knew she wouldn’t recover from it. Harry was the love of her life. She knew she could never be happy without him.
And so she broke down. Ugly sobs and fat tears. The whole weight of the last few months finally got too much and she couldn’t take it anymore. She was sure she’s never cried this much in her entire life. She was sure she never felt so hurt but numb at the same time before.
She didn’t know what the hell went wrong. What she did to push him away. What she did that made him stop loving her.
He doesn’t love you anymore.
Those were the words that constantly replayed in her head, after every fight.
He hates me.
She couldn’t find another explanation. That was the only reason she could think of as to why he wasn’t interested in fixing things between them.

When she met him she was sure he was the most wonderful person she’s ever met. He looked at her as if she was the most important thing on earth. He cooked the most delicious dinner for her. He held doors for her. He made her laugh and feel appreciated.
When she really got to know him she was knocked off her feet. He was the most gentle and loving man she could have ever imagined. He was there for her. He was the place she ran to when the world overwhelmed her. He was her happy place. Her home.
When things got a bit rough they stuck together. They were a team. They faced everything together and fought through it.
Y/N was the happiest girl ever. She thought she found her forever. Her happily ever after.
Until the perfect relationship began to change into great, then good, then normal and then…
Into whatever they had now.
She couldn’t take it anymore. And the worst thing was that there was no way out of this hell. They can’t go back to where they’ve once been. And parting ways? No fucking way could she survive without him.

It was three hours and twenty tissues later when Harry finally exited the bedroom and came down the stairs. Y/N was standing in front of the big living room window which had a view over what seemed like half of London. Her back was turned to Harry, her hair messy and her frame slightly shaking.
She knew that whatever would come now would change everything. She knew that they reached a point were something had to happen. Anything.
Harry took a deep breath and took the last few step towards her. Y/N closed her eyes when she felt his warmth. She hadn’t felt it in so long.
When he reached his hand out thread his fingers through hers she flinched. Harry could feel his heart breaking at her reaction to his touch. He closed the gap between them and pressed his chest flush against her back. That’s when Y/N started to cry again. Her whole body shook with the force of her tears and the whimpers and sobs seemed to get louder with every passing second.
“Shhh.” Harry tried to calm her and finally wrapped his arms around her from behind.
He nuzzled his face into her neck where she always smelled so good and that’s when he realized how long he hasn’t done that.
Y/N moved her arms so she could intertwine both her hands with his. She didn’t remember the last time she held his hand. She used to love his hands so much, always playing with his fingers and kissing his knuckles.
Harry kept pressing tiny kisses to her shoulder and squeezed her tighter to him every time a whimper left her lips.
They stood like that for at least ten minutes before Y/N turned around in his arms and hugged him again. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders, his hands stroking softly over her back while her hands were fisting his shirt. She couldn’t get close enough. She needed him closer. Her hands wandered down underneath his shirt to touch his skin. Harry shuddered when her cold hands touched his skin but he knew she needed this. She hasn’t felt his skin in forever. It almost felt foreign.

When they finally pulled away from each other both of them were scared to let go. This couldn’t be it. They needed each other.
“We have to talk, Harry.” she whispered and pressed her forehead against his.
“I know, my love.”
My love. Was she still his love?
She thought he hated her.
They sat down at the kitchen table across from each other. Both of them couldn’t be fast enough to reach out for each other again and when their hands bumped against each other they both laughed softly. For the first time in months.
None of them wanted to be the first to say anything. Until Harry finally couldn’t take the silence anymore.
“I didn’t mean anything that I said earlier. Or… in the last few weeks. God, what is happening with us?”
“I don’t know, Harry. But it can’t keep going like this. I can’t take it anymore.”
“Me neither, love. I know I didn’t show how much it was affecting me but I want you to know that I feel just as broken as you do.”
Broken. Is that what they’ve become?
“I… I thought you hated me. During all these times you pulled away or turned your back towards me, I thought you hated me.”
Harry’s free hand reached out to hers so he could clasp her hand in both of his.
“I never ever hated you. Not for a second. And I never will.”
Y/N felt like a huge weight was lifted from her shoulders and she felt like she could breath again.
“I love you so much, darling.” Harry whimpered.
Her head snapped up so she could look at him and when she saw tears running down his cheek she reached over the table to wipe them away.
“I love you too, Harry. So much.”
Harry removed her hand from his face and pressed gentle kiss to ever knuckle.
“What are we going to do, love? I want to fix this. I want to go back to being the happiest couple ever. I want to go back to being happy with each other.”
“Me too, Harry. God, I’d do everything to get back to what we once had.”
They stared into each other’s eyes until Y/N cleared her throat and diverted her eyes to the table.
“I-I think we need a break.”
Harry’s whole world stopped in that moment. His mouth fell open and his brows furrowed. He pulled his hands from hers and a breathless ‘no’ left his lips.
“No.” He repeated after a moment.
“No way.”
“Harry, listen. I-”
“No!” he shouted.
Y/N flinched and her ears began to ring like every time he raised his voice at her. Her eyes closed and tears began to dribble down her cheeks.
“Do you think I’m stupid? I know exactly what’s going to happen when we do that. You’re going to realize just how unhappy I make you and that you are so sick and tired of me and you’ll never come back. Or you’ll find someone else who makes you laugh more than I ever did. God, I’m going to be gone for two weeks for promo. Is that not enough distance and space for you?!“
“Harry, I need time okay? I need time to take care of myself. I need time for sorting things out. I need time so that this all can work again and if you’re honest, you need it too.”
He laughed humorlessly and crossed his arms over his chest.
“You will have that time when I’m gone.”
“I-I don’t think two weeks are going to be enough.”
His eyes caught hers and she swore she’s never seen him look at her like that. So sad but angry at the same time.
“L-Longer?”
“Two weeks are nothing, Harry.”
“There’s been times when you couldn’t go a single day without me. There’s been times where two weeks without each other seemed like the end of the world.”
She closed her eyes and tried to control the tears which constantly blurred her sight.
“I don’t think we can sort anything out in two weeks.”
“I don’t think we can sort anything out when we’re away from each other.”
“Harry, please.”
He closed his eyes briefly and sighed.
“How long?”
“T-Two months?”
“No fucking way!”
This time it was Y/N’s turn to sigh.
“Harry, I-”
“One month. And not a single day longer.”
She caught his eyes for a moment before she nodded.
“Alright.”
They sat in silence for several minutes, both didn’t know what to say.
“I-I thought I’d stay in a hotel for the two weeks before you’re gone and then I’ll come back.”
“No.”
“Harry,-”
“No. Please, I-… I want to know you’re safe. You’ll stay here and I’ll stay with Gemma.”
“If that’s okay with you.”
“No, it’s actually not.”
She looked at him with the saddest eyes he ever saw and he shook his head and and sighed.
“I’m gonna go pack some stuff and then you won’t have to deal with me anymore.”
“Harry, I did not suggest a break because I want to get away from you as quickly as possible. I want to fix this. And I feel like some distance is the only way to sort things out. Or at least make the first step.”
He didn’t say anything but just left the kitchen and went upstairs to pack a few things. For some reason Y/N couldn’t help but feel guilty. Of course she knew he wouldn’t be happy with taking a break, she wasn’t either. But she hoped he could at least understand where she came from.

When he came down the stairs half an hour later with two big duffle bags Y/N almost felt like crying again. She watched him, how he placed them beside the front door, wiped his tears away, took a deep breath and turned around to make his way to the kitchen so he could say goodbye but she was already standing in the foyer. They stared at each other for a few moments before Harry cleared his throat and removed a greasy strand of hair from his face.
“I’ll go now, I guess.”
“Yeah.” Y/N nodded and sniffled.
He looked at her for another few seconds before he let out a frustrated sigh.
“Can I at least get a hug?”
He saw the surprise on her face but she nodded anyway and took the last few steps towards him. She slung her arms tightly around his neck and pressed her body tightly to his and Harry wrapped his arms around her waist and squeezed her to his chest. He pressed kisses to her shoulder and neck and stroked over her back in gentle patterns.
When they pulled away a bit Y/N reached up to cup his cheeks and stroke over his skin.
“I love you. Nothing changed about that and nothing is going to change. I don’t want you to worry about me breaking up with you. I couldn’t imagine life without you.”
Harry pressed his forehead to hers and pulled her body even closer.
“Will you say goodbye when I’ll leave for New York? Don’t think I could leave without seeing you before.”
“I’ll think about it, okay?”
Harry sighed but nodded.
“C-Can I kiss you?” he asked her in a whisper.
She leaned in and connected her lips to his as an answer, his bottom lip slipping between hers. She kissed him four times before she pulled away a bit to look up at him again.
“I love you. You know that, right?”
She nodded and smiled softly at him.
“I love you, too.”
Harry gazed into her eyes for another few seconds before he pressed a few gentle kisses against her lips again. He pulled away from her then and took his duffle bags.
“I’ll let you know when I’ll leave for New York. You can call me or come over anytime you need, okay?”
“Okay. You can come over or call as well. Even if it’s the middle of the night.”
He nodded and opened the door.
“Take care, yeah?”
“You too, love.”
“I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
And just like that he left.

You should be here

A/N: Inspired by the song “You Should be Here” by Cole Swindell. This is a feels smack. In this story Dean took Amara down with the spirit bomb they made, leaving Sam to raise Dean’s young daughter.

Listen to it here (play the song if you really wanna bawl while reading this)

Sam x Niece!Reader   Dean x Daughter!Reader

Sam felt his strong facade begin to crumble as he watched Dean say his goodbyes to you. At only four years old you didn’t fully understand what was going on but you got the jist of it, your dad was going away and wouldn’t be coming back.

Which was breaking your heart.

Tears were pouring down your face as you clung to Dean begging him not to leave you. Sam looked at Dean and could tell Dean was about to lose it as he held onto you tighter. His face was buried in your hair, breathing in your scent, memorizing you because who knew where his soul would go after he destroyed Amara.

Glancing up at his brother, Dean realized it was time for him to leave. “Go with your uncle Y/N. Sammy’s gonna take care of you.” Dean said while trying to get free of your grip.

“No Daddy.” You cried, digging your hands into his shirt, “Please don’t leave me.”

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

tell me about leverage. make me want to, please

alright buckle up motherfuckers, i’m about to school y’all about this wonderful show called Leverage.

let’s start with the premise: they’re a bunch of criminals who come together to work as a team and to “pick up where the law leaves off.” aka: they do illegal shit to legally take out the bad guys, i.e. framing/ruining the reputation of/revealing actual law-breaking by embezzling rich politicians, dirty cops, corporations doing secret shit on the down-low, etc.

each episode is a different bad guy they need to take down for doing something terrible, and each episode they come up with a different scheme to take them out. the team consists of: the hacker, the hitter, the grifter, the thief, and the mastermind behind all their plots. they’re all thieves at one point or another, they all grift, and they all contribute to the plan, but these are their Roles. i’ll go more in-depth on the characters in a sec.

now, i know what you’re thinking already: “wow bruh this show must be edgy af, being about actual criminals doing super illegal shit???” bUT NO. THIS SHOW COULD HAVE BEEN SO DARK BASED ON THE CONCEPT, BUT IT’S LITERALLY THE NICEST, MOST ENJOYABLE SHOW EVER.

it’s also SERIOUSLY unproblematic????? like to unrealistic levels. like Nate’s alcoholism is treated with respect and not just something he “gets over,” but despite his issues, he’s held accountable for when he’s a dick, Parker is pretty clearly neurodivergent and she’s never!! forced to be anything else!!!! anyway i could go on and on.

so let’s meet the gang.

this is Nate Ford:

Originally posted by exactingleverage

he’s the mastermind, he’s brilliant and the genius behind each of their convoluted plans. he’s a jerk sometimes, and grouchy, but he’s got good reason, and he NEVER crosses over into “angsty white man justifies his assholery because of his Issues.” he used to work for an insurance company tracking down criminals and thieves before A Thing happened and he became the Dad of a group of them. he makes bad life choices, so i relate. also his son died and he has a rad ex-wife and he struggles with alcoholism. we love him.

this is Sophie Devereaux:

Originally posted by itsadevereauxthing

she’s the grifter. she’s a great actress but only when she’s breaking the law it’s a running gag. she’s terrible on an actual stage l m a o. she’s the Mom of the group, and she and Nate are lowkey flirting the entire show. she tells it like it is, but is v compassionate. sassy af. british af. would probably console you about your husband leaving you before stealing your rare artifacts. high-class which shows in the fact that she was primarily an art thief before joining the team. i wouldn’t trust her with my jewelry, but i’d tell her all my secrets, and tbh that’s the best summary of her character that you’ll get.

this is Eliot Spencer:

Originally posted by thewanderingace

hooooooooooo boy. where do i begin to describe Eliot Spencer? wel, for starters, he’s the “hitter” of the group aka he beats people up when they can’t sneak their way in or out of a place. or when things go wrong. he’s super fucking badass oh my god??? like i’m pretty sure there’s maybe only one or two times in the ENTIRE. SHOW. that he can’t win a fight?? he also has a Super Secret Dark Past bc he used to be a hitman for hire, which he regrets deeply and is happy to have changed bUT AGAIN!! IT’S NOT A WHITE MALE ANGST THING. he isn’t obsessed with attoning for his actions and his scenes aren’t eaten up with Angst and Melodrama. he also has anger issues, but again, it’s not the same stereotype that you’re used to. he controls it, and he never takes it on on anybody who doesn’t deserve it (aka the bad guys). he gets around with women but he’s not sexist?? he cares about his partners.

also he’s a hardcore chef and will Fite You about food. anyway Eliot is basically the Broody White Man With Dark Past trope turned on it’s head. he’s lovable and sarcastic and could kill a man but would prefer to make you an Omelette Du Fromage or some shit.

this is Alec Hardison, aka My Son:

Originally posted by insertusernameici

this is my baby. he’s a nerd and a geek and I Would Die For Him. he’s basically everything that’s good and pure in the world. the epitome of a cinnamon roll. he’s sweet and gentle and wouldn’t hurt a fly–unless that fly is a corrupt ceo personally doing dirty business, in which case that motherfucker is going down with the help of his epic hacking skills. btw did i mention he’s the hacker? yeah. he’s super fucking smart and his sense of humor could rival the sahara desert in dryness. he always makes star trek references and he has a gr8 fashion style and he irritates Eliot to no end, lmao. #platoniclifepartners, tbh. did i mention he’s the sweetest person ever? no? he is.

this is Parker:

Originally posted by dj-jenn-b

she’s the thief, and predictably, she loves money and expensive things. tbh she’d probably stab you faster than anybody else on the team would (and has) but also she is smol and needs to be protected. she’s a killer rabbit. she’s an oddball and in the beginning, most of the others don’t know what to make of her, but they grow used to her. she’s nd af, probably autistic, and Does Not Understand Socialization. same, Parker, same. guess what? she’s never forced into acting like somebody she’s not!! when she has to be the grifter for the con job and interact with people, she’s patiently coached by Sophie, who never belittles or mocks her, and explains it in ways she can understand. she’s weird and i love her.

did i mention how unproblematic this show is? i did? well too fucking bad because i’m gonna say it again: this show is so unproblematic. like what i already said with Nate’s addiction and Parker’s neurodivergence, but wAIT! THERE’S MORE

Eliot hates guns–detests them–and won’t use them, he’s like constantly grabbing the mooks’ guns and unloading them and tossing them somewhere and it’s basically a huge trigger for him. and it’s always respected. also there’s scenes where like in the middle of a job Parker has to change into a costume and neither of men who are attracted to her–Eliot and Hardison–sneak a peak at her. they both look away during that shit and there is like, never any gross sexist jokes about it. or other things. i love it. also any romantic relationship that develops takes season of growth and shit. there’s nothing particularly Gay, but while heterosexual, it’s not Het.

the recurring antagonist is played by Mark Sheppard, a character called Sterling, who is basically a lawful good Crowley.

also one time they stole an entire country. 

Leverage is fucking rad, and the concept is amazing and it coulda been so edgy and shit, but it’s literally so pure and sweet and friggin hilarious and about a bunch of people becoming a family and you need to watch it, my friend. now.

like immediately go google a page to watch it i’m not fucking kidding do it.

anonymous asked:

i've been repeatedly called offensive for pointing out the non existence of reverse racism to my WHITE british teachers. I straight up told them they couldn't be oppressed, they seriously "offended" and it is going to a) affect my grades bc i made a presentation on it and my teacher got mad b) possibly get me in a ton of trouble because another teacher reported me to the head of school. I genuinely hate white people at this point and i want them to go away forever.

Well I don’t know how to solve the issues of your teachers and school but I can back you up on the other crap they’re denying. Expect a long post.

So, let’s take a look at this reverse racism lol. Sorry, it makes me laugh whenever white people bring it up because first of all, society and the systems and institutions that create it were built to cater to white people because they had the most power (and still do). It is necessary to understand these power structures and once we understand them, we will see that reverse racism in fact does NOT exist because white people are not oppressed in any systematic way or form.

The demographics in America are indeed changing but society is still assumed to be white and therefore, systems and institutions are still built to cater towards white people, giving them an advantage. This is known as white privilege. And it doesn’t matter if a white person’s life is economically tough because economics is only ONE factor that plays into the course of an entire lifetime. A single factor is not enough to offset white privilege that has been awarded to white people for hundreds of years that continue today. Let’s look at some resources…

Reverse Racism:

White Privilege:

Now let’s look at your British teachers and what their ancestors did:

I can go all day with this but you get the idea.

And not that I’m trying to put the spotlight on Germany but the atrocities of World War II are taught to German children in school with “great depth” and is mandatory. Now if white people were taught and actually understood about all the crimes their ancestors did, how it all benefits them today, and how it all spills over in today’s world (especially in America), then perhaps white people would be a little more sympathetic to and understanding of everyone else, instead of denying everything.

You see, white America does everything it can to erase all the atrocities it committed (even those being committed today) while conditioning white people to deny when said atrocities are brought up. It is both erasure and denial of white supremacy, white privilege, colonialism, genocide, racism, and many other things that keep white people in power and the rest of us oppressed. In fact, the moment white people see such terms, they automatically become defensive and harbor a state of denial, which is proof of their conditioning.

Update: Another anon offered some advice.

Angry Asian Guy

Adored by Him

A/N: So this fic is inspired by the song “Adored by Him” by Dodie Clark. Yeah that’s really it… 

Warnings: Swearing but that’s normal.

Word Count: 2, 428

Your POV 

I honestly never expected any of this to happen. When I became friends with Dan, I did think he was handsome and funny. But I didn’t think I would fall for him as fast as I did. I always pushed away the feelings until they asked if I wanted to move in with them. Being around him 24/7 made it harder to conceal it so I just let it happen. No one knew about my feelings, except Phil, who figured out a year ago. I always expected the feelings to just go away but they didn’t.

But then she happened. Allison was Dan’s most recent girlfriend. They’ve been dating for many months now, and he was absolutely smitten (cheeky Dodie reference again) with her. He never spoke about how he felt about her, but I was able to tell. The way he looked at her with adoring eyes, and smile at the mere mention of her name. I don’t blame him though. She was beautiful, with her butterscotch hair and her smile that could shine brighter than the sun, I bet anybody would fall her easily. She was literally perfect, and I was just…well me. It was easy to figure out how she made Dan’s soul practically glow, and it hurt. A lot.  

I won’t hate you but oh it stings,

How does it feel to be adored by him? 

It was hard to hate Allison. She was super nice, and had the same sense of humor as Dan. Plus, she makes him happy. That’s what matters, right?


I was sitting on the couch, watching my favorite movie with Phil. It was raining outside so we decided to dedicate the day to watching a bunch of movies. Phil and I were cuddled up under a blanket, eating popcorn. It was relaxing to say the least. Dan was out at Allison’s house so, of course, Phil questioned me about my feelings.

“Are you ever going to tell him, Y/N?” Phil asked, nudging my arm with his elbow.

I pulled up the blanket to my chest, and sighed heavily. “Philly we’ve talked about this before. I’ll only ruin things so-" 

"You should tell him. It’s best to get it out there.” Phil gave me a sympathetic look. It’s like he knew Dan wouldn’t return the feelings but he didn’t want to keep any secrets. To be honest I’m surprised he didn’t tell Dan by now. 

“Phil, look-”

Phil and I jumped off the couch when we heard a loud bang, and stumbling coming from downstairs. We exchanged confused glances, and hurried to the front door to see Dan, stumbling around the entrance of our flat.

“Hi guys!” Dan said, his speech slurred.

“Dan what the hell happened!?” Phil questioned, running up to his best friend’s side and helping him take his shoes off. 

“Heh, Allison and I got in a fight. Stupid really-” He tripped over his shoes that he just took off and laughed. He looked up into my eyes and smiled. “Don’t worry I’m fine.” Dan pushed Phil’s hand off his shoulder, and walked up the stairs by himself.

“Y/N, do you want to make sure he’s okay?” Phil asked, walking up to my side as we slowly followed Dan up the stairs.

“Why?”

“Just talk to him." 

I let out another sigh, and took another glance at Dan, who stumbled into his bedroom. "Okay. I’m not telling drunk Dan anything though.” I pointed my finger at Phil, and let out a small laugh to lighten the mood. Phil shook his head, smacking my hand away and smiling.

“Just go.” He laughed. 

I walked to the kitchen, and poured a small glass of water for Dan. I ignored the aching pain in my chest, and the tears swelling up in my eyes. I put down the glass for a moment to take a deep breath, and recollect myself. After a few minutes, I made my way towards Dan’s room where I saw him softly crying. My heart broke at the sight. It pained me so much to see another girl make Dan hurt. I hated it. I walked towards Dan’s bed and gave him the glass of water. 

“Here you go, sweetie.” I sat at the end of his bed, waiting for his response. 

“Thank you.” Dan sniffed, taking a sip of the water. 

“You want to talk about what happened?” I moved closer to him. His legs were hanging over the edge of his bed and he was staring at the cup of water in his lap.

“She doesn’t trust me.”  

“What do you mean?” I was right by his side after I finished the question. I tried to make eye contact with him but he was so closed off, I decided to keep a little distance.

“She thinks that I’m cheating on her with you.” He lifted his head slowly and stared into my eyes. My face turned red and I stared at the ground. I felt the butterflies in my stomach go crazy, and I had to take a deep breath again to calm myself down. I looked back into his beautiful, chocolate eyes and stared in silence for a while.  

Pretty girl there’s no need to fret

Because it’s midnight, he’s drunk, and you’re the one in his head.

You don’t even have to try at all. 

“I can’t say I’m in love with her but I feel something…strong towards her you know? I’m not even sure if she feels the same. It’s just- It hurts a lot that she doesn’t even trust me. ” Dan’s eyes got glossy, and he stared down at his cup again. All I did was nod my head. I understood where he was coming from. Someone you may be in love with and they might not even return the feeling. How ironic. 

“I understand, Dan. But you should get some rest, then talk to her in the morning.” I flashed a fake smile at Dan and stood up from his bed. I stood in front of him, and he stared into my eyes like he was searching for something.

“Thank you, Y/N. You’re honestly the best.” Dan put his glass down on his bedside table and got up to give me hug. I accepted it, taking in his warmth for that short moment I had. I sighed when he pulled away and sat in his bed. “You want to…stay with me for a bit?” He asked, not making eye contact. I gave him a weak smile, and nodded, sitting next to him as he got comfortable underneath the blanket.

I lost track of time, waiting for Dan to fall asleep. I stared at his sleeping figure for god knows how long, I felt like a complete creep. He looked so peaceful with his head resting in my lap it was hard not to. I gently stroked his hair as he slowly fell asleep, his arms wrapped around my body as his head rested on my leg. I checked the time on his phone, 1:00 am. I noticed his lock screen, expecting it to be a picture of him and Allison. But instead it was a picture of him, me, and Phil at VidCon on our day off. I smiled at it, but quickly my smile faded when a text from Allison popped up. I decided to ignore it, and finally leave Dan’s side. 

I crept towards the kitchen, hoping not to wake Dan or Phil up. However, to my surprise Phil was standing in the kitchen, drinking some tea while leaning against the counter. 

“So, how did it go?” He asked, staring at me. 

“She doesn’t trust him apparently. Allison thinks he’s cheating on her with…me.” I sighed. All my emotions that I’ve been holding in all night were surfacing, and I wasn’t going to let it happen. “Um, he’s asleep now. He asked me to stay with him for a little while and I lost track of time because he was…uh-" 

"Cuddling with you?” Phil flashed me a smile, but it faded when he looked into my eyes and noticed the tears coming up. He gave me a sympathetic look and walked closer to me. “You should just tell him so he knows. So you don’t have to keep hurting. He will understand, Y/N." 

"I know Phil. It’s just- it hurts seeing them together so much. And of course I want him to be happy! But that selfish part of me wants him to be happy with me. God, it fucking hurts.” I felt a warm streak roll down my cheek, and I quickly wiped it away, looking away from Phil. 

“Y/N.” I knew he was trying to make me look at him, but I hated being this vulnerable. “Y/N.” I gave in and stared into Phil’s icy blue eyes. It was full of sympathy, and I couldn’t take it anymore. 

“Phil, don’t look at me like that please. It’s only making me feel worse.” I felt more tears surfacing and let out a heavy sigh. I heard Phil mumble a small apology and he embraced me in a warm, loving hug. At that point I finally broke. I started sobbing into his shirt, with every sob he would hold me tighter, and tell me everything was going to be okay. He gently ran his hands through my hair. I pulled away from Phil, and sniffed, gently rubbing my nose. 

“Y/N, I know it hurts but-” Phil paused in the middle of his sentence and stared behind me. I looked up to Phil, then turned around to see what he was looking at. There was Dan, his hair curly and disheveled, and his empty glass in his hands.

“What’s wrong?” Dan asked, noticing my red, puffy eyes and the tear stains on Phil’s shirt. He looked into my eyes and I could tell he was concerned.

“N-Nothing.” I lied.

“Obviously there’s something wrong, Y/N, tell me.” Dan walked over to the counter and placed his cup on the surface. I looked up to Phil, and nodded, signaling for him to give us some alone time. When Phil left the room, Dan pulled me into a tight hug, and for the second time that night I broke down. “Want to talk to me about what happened?”

I pulled away from Dan and stared at the floor. “It’s not really about w-what happened. It’s more…what’s happening.” I let out a fake chuckle. Dan shot me a confused look, and backed up to lean against the counter.

“Tell me what’s going on or so help me god Y/N I will-”

“Okay. Um. I guess.”

“Spit it out, please.” Dan tilted his head, giving me a worried look. God I can’t handle this anymore.

“Okay, you don’t even have to respond to this…but I really need it out in the open.” I could feel my heart beating out of my chest, and I took deep unsteady breath. “I just need you to know that…that” I stared into Dan’s eyes and I could feel my heart aching all over again. I felt tears pouring out of my eyes and saw Dan’s tall figure making his way over to comfort me again but I pulled away.

“Please don’t. You’re just going to make this harder.”
“Y/N tell me. Please, you’re making me worried.” I realized that Dan and I were standing really close, closer than we usually are. I looked into his beautiful eyes like it was the last time then stared at the floor.

“I think I’m in love with you.” I mumbled. 

“What? Speak up, love.” Dan said softly. 

“Fuck.” I ran my fingers through my hair and avoided eye contact at all costs. “I think I’m in love with you and it fucking stings so much to see you and Allison together. I mean I don’t blame you, or her. Allison is like the definition of perfect. I mean she makes me look blind with how adventurous she is and you look at her like the world is fucking perfect. It’s so stupid to think that I could compare to her. But god, do I wish it was me in your arms instead of her. Don’t even get me started about how I feel about you because there is too much history to even go over.” I shook my head, staring at the ground, watching my tears hit the white kitchen tiles.

“Y/N, can you look at me please?” Dan was still speaking softly. 

“Dan I told you, you don’t have to even say anything. You could just simply ignore it and leave, I’ll get the point." 

"Look at me, Y/N.” Dan said, more stern but still full of care. I rolled my eyes and stared into his eyes. Even though my vision was blurred I could still see the small glimmer in his eyes. “I’m sorry for-”

“Dan I told you, you don’t have to do this." 

"Y/N, we need to talk about this. We can’t just ignore it.”

“Well I’ve been ignoring it for 3 years now, so I think I’m good. I know the speech you’re about to give me and I just…” I let out a muffled sob into my hand, and looked back up to him. “Please I can’t take this right now." 

"Please let me just-" 

"Dan, I’m so sorry I shouldn’t have said anything. I really need fresh air…I’ll be back in a bit." 

Dan looked over to the clock on the oven, and slowly moved towards the door. "It’s 1:20, Y/N you can’t go outside alone." 

"Well I am, so please move.” Dan was blocking the doorway. I made eye contact with him and got lost in his eyes again. I felt like time slowed down when we stared into each other’s eyes, but I broke the contact because I felt more tears coming. Dan reluctantly walked up to me, opening his arms to give me a hug. But instead, I pulled away from him. 

“I’m so sorry.” I mumbled, and ran down the stairs to the front door, putting on my shoes and coat. 

“Y/N wait-”

I left before I could hear anymore. I let the cold London air enter my lungs, as I tried to relax from what happened, and trying to decide if I should go back and face Dan, or go to a friend’s house. I ultimately decided on staying outside for a while. Sitting on a park bench staring at the trees in the park as I replayed what happened through my head. 

What am I going to do?

A/N: Second part? Or leave it there? YOU DECIDE

youtube

“every episode, these beautiful, esoteric americans go out of their way to create the worst, most broken, damaged, insecure, fragile messes that even god tried to sweep under the rug.  and then the humor is all derived from how much they love these creatures and these people.  if you bite all the way down to the chewy nougat at the center of monster factory, you’ll walk away with the feeling that no matter how flawed someone perceives themselves to be, someone out there loves them”

this film reviewer’s take on monster factory is very sweet and i recommend it

Dating JB would include

Originally posted by jaesbum

Im Jaebum

-the perfect man
-best friend relationship
-with tense moments in between
- ;)
-him taking pictures of you when you aren’t looking
-you getting mad and chasing him to delete it
-you’ll never succeed
-he’s too fast and will protect the precious moment he captured
-he needs someone who can handle him
-like legit probably get into arguments over the tiniest things
-“i swear you better not”
- ur gonna do it
- “you’re not the boss of me excuse”
- “Y/N don’t you da-”
- “are you going to stop me????”
- “don’t y/N STO-”
- “WATCH M E”
- “I SAID N O”
- meanwhile the boys are panicking in the other room because of all the yelling
- but when they come check it’s just you guys fighting bc of a video game
- “guys guys guys it’s just a ga-”
- both of you: “SHUT UP JACKSON NO ONE ASKED YOU”
- play fighting
- so many inside jokes
- you guys could be looking at one of the other members do something and give each other that look
- and burst out into laughter
- double dates w/ Youngjae
- he loves you two so mUCH
- in public the most you’ll get is hand holding
- but in closed spaces
- hEHEH
- he always has his arms around you
- pokes your legs
- your tummy
- and you slap his hands away
- but he keeps doing it bc it annoys you
- but mostly because he thinks you’re so c u t e and hot at the same time
- “you’re so cute jagiya”
- “hm?”
- “nothing”
- u heard and ur eternally blushing holy moly
- the boys adore you
- because their leader can get angry
- but u know how to calm him down
- and you aren’t scared to argue with him
- random gifts
- BOY ABOUT TO GIVE YOU A SCRAPBOOK
- IT’LL BE THE CUTEST THING
- So many pictures of you that you didn’t know about
- and of the two of you together
- of places where you guys visited
- pictures of you sleeping with lil captions that he wrote on the side
- when you’re sad he’ll hold you and tell you to stop being dumb
- and he’ll start making jokes about Jackson and BamBam probably
- and you can’t stay sad when you’re with him
-you’re his safe place and he’s yours
- you and Nora taking cat naps together
- and he thinks it’s the most precious thing in the world oh my god
- there are hardly any serious pictures of the two of you together
- you guys could spend hours laughing and making fun of each other
- if you live together beware
- there’s a silent ongoing prank war going on
- you’ll be coming out of the bathroom at night and he’s waiting outside to scare you
- “W HY ARE YO U LIKE TH I S”
- He’s dying with laughter on the floor
- “Yah jagi let me in im sORRY”
- the door slowly opens
- insert horror movie music
- “You can’t stay mad at m- OHMYFXKC”
-“THAT WASNT FAIR
- Now you’re laughing but u better run
- babygirl kind of guy
- you’ll be lying together in bed and he just gets real close
-starts whispering random things
- some not so random
- “c'monnn babygirl~”
- and he’ll smile right after
- late night car rides
- arcades
- clubs
- he’ll take you anywhere and everywhere
- you frame some of the pictures he takes
- and when he finds out about the pictures you have of him on your phone he tries to delete them
- but can’t figure out your password
- and whenever you fight with him he remembers about the pictures and can’t stay mad
- “I hate you get away from me”
- “You’re a horrible liar Y/N”
- “No I really do actually hate you”
- “Is that why you have all those pictures of me in your phone?”
- d e a t h g l a r e
- “you’re so cute when you’re mad”
- basically a relationship with Im Jaebum is filled with adventures and life and so much love that the two of you show in subtle ways
- whether it’s you listening to him sing and helping him through whatever he needs, big or small
- or him being your best friend and soulmate, always feeling the need to protect and love you
- you guys love each other like little kids and that’s all you could ever ask for

without really meaning it

The Way You Said “I Love You” Prompts
@stileslydiah requested “24. Without really meaning it”

Watching Derek dote on someone is hard – harder than Stiles thought it would ever be, despite the fact he knows it’s insincere; despite the fact it’s the job and nothing more.

 It’s hard because Stiles hasn’t had those arms around him in months, hasn’t had opportunity to arrange a chance meeting on a crowded street in weeks, hasn’t had Derek’s eyes meet his and watched his mouth curl into a smile for him.

 Derek’s team have been fairly indulgent, letting Stiles tag along on the assignment to observe and allowing him to blend with various crowds just to be close to Derek. Early on, before Derek insinuated himself into their mark’s life, they even allowed them to talk on the phone, but that might as well have been in another lifetime.

 Sometimes, Stiles hates his job, hates Derek’s job, hates the fact they’d never have met if it wasn’t for their jobs because then he can’t hate it as much.

 Stiles is across the restaurant and he can’t tear his eyes away from the back of Derek’s head for more than a few seconds at a time, usually at the prompting of the agent he’s sitting across from.

Keep reading

Broken

2,500 Followers Drabble

Prompt: “What do you mean it broke?”

Pairing: Jensen x Reader

Requested: @autopistaaningunaparte


If you literally died right in this glorious moment, you’d be totally and completely at peace with that. Still barely able to form a sentence, you’re coming down from the most mind blowing orgasm you’ve ever experienced.

But as your past wonderfully dictates, you should know by now that a good thing never ever fucking lasts.

“No no no.” The alarmed tone of Jensen’s voice immediately yanks you out of the blissful daze you’re lost in.

“What?”

Keep reading

Imagine Alex

Driving around to find you after you had a fight with your parents.

“Get in the car (y/n).” Alex yelled out the window of his car as he pulled over quickly.

You continued​ to walk with your head down as you lightly sobbed, “ No, go away Alex. I want to be alone for awhile​.”

Alex got out of his car and stared at you as you stumbled over a rock falling down onto your butt. As he made his way over to you you pulled your knees up to your chest.

“Alex I hate them all they do is fight I’m sick of it.” You stopped sobbing and tried to slow your breathing.

“If you wanna take a break from them, you can stay at my place, you can turn your phone off and we watch movies and eat a bunch of pizza and icecream.” Alex said, as he sat down next to you putting his arm around your shoulders pulling you close.

You leaned into his embrace resting your head on his shoulder. “That sounds great Alex thanks.” You smiled

Originally posted by alexstadall