i hate that i can't stop doing things

I wonder if you ever felt like I abandoned you….  
If you ever thought I should have fought for you…

The truth of it is I never left.  
I’m still here.  
And I do fight for you - every single day.   
Not to win you…. not to trap you or cage you…  
But for your happiness.

I wage war on myself day in and day out for you.  
Tearing strips off myself, swallowing hatred and tears….  
So if you hate me because I abandoned you…. don’t worry…  
….. I hate myself for it too…
—  Ranata Suzuki
  • Friend: how are you?
  • What I wish I can say:
  • Well, everything is falling apart. I'm barley going to school, I spend most of my days laying in bed, laid in my own self loathing. I feel empty everyday and I'm getting tired of it. I think about ever little embarrassing thing that happened over 2-4 years ago and cringe at myself....everyday.
  • I'm fucking exhausted, and I still can't sleep at night.
  • Sometimes it feels like I'm not even here, and it's like I lost myself somewhere along this dark, muddy path.
  • I can't stop thinking about my past traumas, my hair is falling out, my mood is getting lower, my future seems to be getting more bleak.
  • I have a suicide plan already in place.
  • Because I fucking hate myself, I hate what I've become, and I hate everything about this world.
  • What I do say: I'm good, what about you?
INTJ thing??

Do any other INTJs experience this:
You’ve been busy with deadlines, responsibilities, and general work for some time. Finally you have the chance to relax and indulge that Se of yours. By the second day of this cool down time you feel empty and lethargic. It’s like finishing a good book and not knowing what to do next. You search for reasons to get out of the house or new tasks to work on because just sitting there day after day achieving nothing is making you go mad. Not because you’re jumpy to do something, but because not doing something is making you feel worthless.

Fairy Tale Starters
  • "You're a wolf!"
  • "Here's an apple for you, dear."
  • "I feel like I've slept a hundred years."
  • "I'm just a humble woodsman."
  • "I see you, little princess."
  • "Mother will take good care of you."
  • "You're a fairy?"
  • "There's no such thing as magic."
  • "A talking animal?!"
  • "I need no prince."
  • "You want me to slay a dragon?"
  • "Do not stray from the path."
  • "My stepmother is evil."
  • "I have something you might need..."
  • "Stay on the path."
  • "I just wanted to go to the ball."
  • "I need to breathe."
  • "Hide in here."
  • "You're special..."
  • "I'm going and you can't stop me."
  • "Are you coming with me or not?"
  • "A witch is trying to kill you."
  • "You're the one I've been looking for!"
  • "This place is magical."
  • "I hate this dress."
  • "I will lock you away forever!"
  • "Here there be dragons."
  • "They will be looking for me."
  • "You can't keep me here!"
  • "You look delicious."
  • "Bless you, my child."
  • "Are you a princess?"
  • "I've come to save you."
  • "I don't want your help."
  • "Where are you off to?"
  • "Get away from me!"
  • "Mine now."
  • "Be careful of that."
  • "Are you a prince?"
  • "You'll not win."
  • "I will take all from you."
  • "My parents are gone."
  • "Are you going to eat me?"
  • "I cannot sleep."
  • "You can trust me."
BTS as things my friends have said (part 3)
  • Seokjin: That was literally not even all that funny yet there are tears streaming down my face and I don't think I can stop laughing
  • Yoongi: I'd go but I don't want to so I'm... Im not going
  • Hoseok: I can't be the only person who really feels like singing at 6:00 in the morning
  • Namjoon: It's not that I hate your cat it's more like, I think I'm going through a clumsy phase right now and I don't want to somehow kill it
  • Taehyung: *sings 'If you're happy and you know it' in heavy metal, opera, country and hip hop versions*
  • Jimin: I can't do the whole social interactions thing so I'm planning to just fill the silences with sexy stares and cute laughs
  • Jungkook: This is gonna seem like such a coincidence but I can do literally everything else but that

This TVFanatic article annoys me to no end.

Barry’s only serious slip up was the whole proposal issue, and even then he was misguided in his desperation to protect her.

That boy bends over backward to make sure she’s safe & happy & feels loved. He supports her in her career & never ceases gushing abt how much he loves her & how amazing she is. He does things like turning their kitchen into iHop & making her name in flowers & speeding them out to a romantic dinner in a gazebo on the waterfront.

Like…

That boy KNOWS he’s lucky to have her. He worships the ground she walks on. His one desire when leaving her to go into the SF was to keep living her life, keep being the amazing, fierce ray of sunshine that she is & keep RUNNING.

Iris is a saint & that whole proposal business was screwy, but he’s MORE than made up for it since then. Let’s not pretend like Iris isn’t just as lucky to have Barry as he is to have her. Barry is more than his screw ups, and he’s made up for them every time. Devoting his year to saving her life and then sacrificing the life they’d hoped to have together to save the world and her??? You can’t get much more selfless than that.

Plz stop hating on Barry for being human in the face of tragedy. Not everyone can be as perfect as Iris West.

How i do imagine that Klance happened:

Lauren: Hey there is a red paladin and a blue paladin

Joaquim: Yes why

Lauren: I’m not saying anything but wHAT IF they hated each other, i mean, the tipical blue and red thing

Joaquim: Sounds good

Voltron: *Released*

Joaquim: LAUREN THEY ARE NOT REACTING WELL LAUREN THEY THINK THEY ARE G A Y LAUREN AND THEY REALLY SEEM LIKE THEY ARE LAUREN HOW COME WE DIDN’T REALIZE THIS LAUREN LISTEN WE NEED H E L P

Lauren: Oh noo D: too bad

Inner Lauren: *Snorts*

  • friend: how've you been?
  • me: p good
  • stranger: how've you been?
  • me: i'm glad you asked. lately, i've been reminded a lot of a traumatic experience that happened to me and it is causing a lot of anxiety and panic attacks and dissociation and unhealthy coping mechanisms. it's tough, because this is all on top of being mentally ill and its difficult to tell if the trauma caused a lot of my illness or if the two are separate. meanwhile, i've been super troubled about eating lately and i can't stop thinking about how much i hate my body. haha i mean, i really, really hate myself, my dude. do you want to hear a story of a self-destructive thing i did five years ago? haha of course you do, so anyway-

what do you guys do to not feel so anxious at night?

  • <p> <b>what she says:</b> I'm not fine<p/><b>what she means:</b> I just finished rereading the secret endings and I'm really not fine, I honestly can't stop fucking crying and everything makes me feel so angry, why, why WHY do none of them know the truth yet? Some people still don't know the full story about Mint Eye and V and I hate it and I hate life and I just want the secrets to fucking stop holy fucking hell the relationship V and Rika had is so toxic and harmful and now V is dead and I don't know how the fuck this entire V route thing is going to work out but I hope we get it pretty damn soon, I'm so fucking salty. He deserves better than this, he deserves better than to have his death covered up as suicide, he deserves better than to have all of this fucking bullshit I'm so angry I can't breathe someone help.<p/></p>

thestarbirdfromtheashes  asked:

RebelCaptain #2 from the new kiss prompts! "A kiss that is supposed to be platonic but is anything but." I can't wait to see what you do with it! Because all your prompts are fabulous. 😘

Thank you so much my dear, I appreciate you *mwahmwah*

More roommate au, follow-up to this and this, I guess :-)

“Would you stop fiddling with that!” Leia hissed at Jyn, who was trying to smooth down the flouncy ruffles on her dress.

“I don’t know why you made me wear this thing anyway! I hate ruffles!” Jyn hissed back.

“It’s better than any of the potato sacks you pass off as dresses in your closet!”

“I happen to like potato sacks, okay!”

“Well that’s not gonna fly here!”

Leia’s mother turned to shush them both, and Jyn slumped in her seat. Leia had dragged her along to one of her parents’ posh charity dinners, mostly because she was fighting with Han and she didn’t want to be stuck with him the whole night. The catch had been that the tickets were only being sold to couples, and Breha insisted that Jyn bring a date.

“What about that dark haired man I saw you with? Is he your boyfriend? You should bring him.” Even though they had come out as questions, everyone knew with Leia’s mother it was purely a formality. The answer to her ‘questions’ was always “Yes ma’am.” Jyn had no choice but to ask Cassian.

Keep reading

4

Some old mixed with new

Let’s see, what do we have here… Denoch sketches, always good for the soul.

And is Enoch a chill friend that’s nice and bakes cookies or a fucking pervy asshole??? Both??? I need answers.

The furries thing is a joke because my friend liked furries and Enoch. I don’t hate furries… But you come at me with that yiff shit and I’ll stab your eyes… However feel free to take that picture and change the sign, that’s ok

And the last one gives me the feeling of sass/gossip. “Do you see that baseball outfit? Oh honeyyyyy….”

anonymous asked:

I'm bisexual, and I really don't think you represent the queer community very well. You make us seem like hateful people-which we're not. Please stop this. What you're doing is the same thing straight people are doing to us, which makes us just as bad as them. You can't fight fire with fire and expect to be loved. Please treat people fucking equally. They can't change their sexuality, just like we can't change ours. If you're a coward, you'll let this sit in your ask box, which I bet you will.

oh… oh god. you’re right. all this time and i never realised… it wasn’t the straights systematically oppressing us. it was us, two trash eating animals running a humour blog on the internet, oppressing the straights

if.. if you’ll excuse me i need a minute. i have to go think this through

I Will Never Understand

Going after someone over a fictional character. I just won’t. People are entitled to like and dislike characters and ships. Maybe that character reminds them of someone in their life so they have a negative reaction to certain things. Who cares? Seriously who cares? If that person doesn’t hate a character like you do just keep scrolling. Same thing if you like a character and you see something negative about them, don’t stop to write nasty things to whoever posted or re-blogged it just keep scrolling. I promise the fictional character doesn’t care if you go to war for them. They aren’t going to jump out of the movie/tv show/book to demand justice if they do bigger problems are at hand. Odds are people have already formed their opinion you aren’t going to be able to get them to change their mind so why start drama. The point of fandom is to find like minded people to discuss things with whether it’s things you loved or things you hated. Stop making real problems over fake people. 

anonymous asked:

I just hate it when asswipes assume people can do certain things. The part that pissed me off the mosy was "go live with your family." I don't expect my parents to come to my rescue when I can't make rent. Hell, my father hasn't spoken to me since 2011 and actually SUED me in court. (He lost, thankfully.) Anifas aren't the enemy here, anon. Grow a spine.

If you can’t find a homemade family ready and able to take you in, storebought is fine. And if you can’t do that, then well….just stop begging.

- Mod A

anonymous asked:

Hi cecil I need some help from my frogfather. I want 2 stop being such a terrible person, I can't stop thinking about awful things like hurting animals and my friends and I hate it but I don't know how to stop. there's something wrong with me on the inside and I'm scared I'm gonna hurt some1 if I cant fix it. I'm scared 2 tell my parents or my friends in case they hate me but I feel like I'm lying 2 them by keeping it a secret. what do I do? how do I be a good person? please respond

little tadpole, you have a heavy heart. Come and let me offer a hug and some words.

let me tell to you some things I know are true.

thing the first: there is no such thing as a good person, only good choices.
no human is born as a bad person or a good person, they born as a baby. that baby grow and make choices on how to act and treat other people. those actions can be good or bad. those actions can be kind or cruel. but it is what you *do* that make u bad.
having a think thoughts in your head? that mean nothing.

you are not doing these bad things no? then u are not bad.
you do not want to do a hurt on your friends, you are scared of this? that not being a bad person. that not being cruel or terrible. there are nothing wrong with you on the inside. you are a person who has some thoughts, who decide not to act on them.

your choice to not do that thing, that make u a good person ok? not the thoughts.

thing the second:
these badthinks in your head, I know them. they visit my head too and they whisper terrible thing to me. tell me to hurt cecil, tell me go run away. tell me to crash a car.
sometimes they are a words but sometimes a pictures or a video. showing me a thing I do not want to do.

these thought have a name, it called “Intrusive Thoughts” and they can be a symptom of many mental illness like depression, anxiety, ptsd and ocd. many more too.
they are not your fault. they just there. u don’t ask for them or invite them, it just your brain being mean to you because it can.

cecil is 28 year old, and for entire memory I have lived with these badthoughts speaking. never once have I hurt a someone like they tell me I will. they are not magic, they cannot control my actions. and they cannot control yours. trust that you are good.

they are hard, these intrusive thoughts. they sound like the truth but trust me, they are nothing but liars.
they feed off the hurt they cause you and grow strong, they don’t want to be starve so they are cruel and say terrible thing to you. make you doubt yourself, hate yourself so they can live.

it is hard to make them quiet, but you are strong. and trust u will not do those thing they say. not ever. not unless you choose to.

be kind to yourself also, gentle and forgiving. you are being hurt by this thing and do not need to be hurt by yourself as well. tell yourself it’s ok to think these thing, and trust that your moral choice to not do the bad thing will always hold fast.

please no more say “i am a bad person” or “something wrong with me” or “i am terrible”. you are not. these are lies told by the bad thought. they are not the truth of you. only your choices are the truth ok?

thing the third:

a way cecil has learn to cope with this constant yelling is to think of this voice as a someone you don’t like.
maybe this a villain like the Joker speaking to a batman, maybe a villain like Trump on twitter. maybe a rude anon in your inbox.

I think of these thoughts like a YouTube comment. and when they speak I think
if this was a YouTube comment would I listen? no. I would say “yes yes im the worst of course thank you xx_dark_sword_abyss420_xx for you opinion”.
and suddenly they lose this power over you.
they sound ridiculous because they are. they rude and cruel and illogical and unnessicary. so you find a way to imagine this being said by someone who is also unnessicary and you take the power away.

finally, thing the fourth:

you do not deserve to be hurt by these thoughts and you are doing nothing wrong. they will lie to you and say they have to stay and have to be listened to but no. trust cecil and not them.
be kind to yourself, you not bad ok? this frog love you

assbutt-of-the-readers  asked:

Imagine Anti trying to be all scary and mean to Wiish but as soon as he sees her he just can't do it. He hates all humans but for some reason, he can't stop adoring her. I actually like think that one time he secretly bought her a cactus and when she asked about it, he just shrugged and said, "I don't know." She jut smiles, knowing full well where it came from.

“I’M SO FUCKING INTIMIDATING YEA EVERYONE IS SCARED OF ME”
*sees Wiish*
“aw geeze scoob”

that’s the cutest fucking thing i’ve heard all week i hate my life

anonymous asked:

What I don't get is why people like you are still here. All you've done is hate and bash and trolled - on PR, Sam, Jamie - and generally killed the mood for a lot of people. NAGL. Why stay? Why not talk about what it is you love about Jamie and Claire? About what you're looking forward to in season 3. But of you can't stop bitching, then please leave and let those of us to fan in peace.

I debated whether or not to answer this…

Why not talk about what it is I love about Claire and Jamie? Oh, I have and do, often, ever since I joined the fandom back in ‘15. But why not to so again: 

The thing I probably love the most about Claire and Jamie is that no matter how long they have together - be it 2 years, 20, 100 - when it comes time to part in any way, it very much feels for them and us in that moment, like they’re being cut short. Like they just cruelly haven’t been given enough time together, there’s an ache there that’s inexplicable. And even though they do find each other, there’s always an incompleteness about them apart. There’s just never enough time.

What I’m looking forward to in s3? Apart from the countless things I’ve already said, I’d love to see laughter return to them when they’re finally reunited. Humor and teasing. Touches that aren’t inhibited in any way, where they’re hands roam freely. Intimacy that is not only found uniquely to the 2 of them in sex, but conversations that delve deeper than any other they’ve ever had with others.

I love the books, I love the show, but that doesn’t mean I have to love and accept every dodgy/insulting/unfair imbalance aspect that surround them. If something doesn’t sit well with me, and ignoring it just isn’t enough, I’ll speak up. Unpopular or not. This does not make me less of a fan in any way, shape or form. This does not make me a hater, basher and least of all a troll. Respect and trust are earned and I will not give mine away blindly.