i hate spies

Instagraming things my friends/family will probably be confused over.

Oh yeah living the life.

(Anytime I see TURN I think of Turn Down For What by Lil Jon…)

8

Happy 266th Birthday, Abraham Woodhull!

youtube

(via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J0NhImSrJN8)

“You know these officer-types, always under pressure..”

He’s referencing George Washington, but…y’know who else is one of those ‘officer-types’ ??  B e n. Ten points, double meaning, thank you and goodnight.

Being Alive
extravagantshoes

I DEFINITELY could have done another take of this, but I got self-conscious because my roommates could hear me. So it’s not my best work, but it’s my first work, so hopefully you can cut me some slack. I ran outta breath a lot of places because I am ludicrously out of practice.

The ever-lovely @highkingpetermagnificent has been gracing the world (and me) with lovely covers for a good long while now, and I thought I’d try my hand at it myself. Hope it’s worth your time!

The song is Being Alive from Company, a song that is very very dear to my heart. If I do this again, it’ll probably be a less sappy piece of work.

Stole the instrumental track from this video.

Anon request: Imagine Vladimir finding out you have a petty fear of spiders or something. “котенок, I have seen you kill men with bare hands, and you are afraid of little spider?”. Imagine him chasing you around the house with it, until you discover/exploit one of HIS petty fears!

“OH MY GOD, FUCK NO, WHAT THE FUCK, FUCK!”

Vladimir is sitting in bed, lazily scrolling through his texts when your shrieks fill the air and immediately sends him into protective mobster boyfriend mode; swiping his glock off the nightstand and jumping out of bed in one swoop.

Just as you’re backpedaling out of the bathroom – wrapped in a towel with a look of horror on your face – Vladimir rounds the corner, colliding into you and causing you both to swear profusely.

“Dammit, Vlad, that hur- THE FUCK IS THAT OUT FOR?!” you yell in bewilderment at the sight of the handgun gripped in your boyfriend’s tattooed hand.

“You were fucking screaming, Y/N!” he yells back, pushing you aside to peer into the bathroom, utterly confused and aggravated by the unperturbed environment.

“Yeah because I went to shower and found a fucking mutant spider there!”

“A spider?!” Vladimir sputters, his eyes narrowing in disbelief as he looks back at your pale countenance, the way you’re biting your lip in apprehension.

He can’t believe his eyes. His girlfriend, a woman who matches his ruthlessness blow for blow, a woman who he’s watched disarm his best lieutenants while still wearing heels, this badass woman is terrified of an insect?

“Yes, a spider, now go be my boyfriend and fucking kill that son of a bitch!”

Vladimir looks at your nervous face and wide eyes and looks slowly back at the bathroom, a wolfish grin breaking out across his face as he starts to snicker uncontrollably and tucks his glock inside the waistband of his sweats.

“What’s so funny?” you demand angrily, wrapping your arms more tightly across your chest.

Vladimir holds up a finger as he fights to control his laughter, finally taking a deep exhale and smirking broadly at you.

“котенок, I have seen you kill men with bare hands, and you are afraid of little spider?

You groan exasperatedly and he starts chuckling again, earning a hard swipe to the shoulder from you.

“Oh my god, Vlad, this is different, this fucker has eight legs, can you please, PLEASE just get rid of it so I can shower?”

Still chuckling, Vladimir kisses the top of your head, softening the irritation that reads plainly in your countenance.

“да, принцесса.”

You wait outside the door as he goes in, purposefully looking down the hall – even seeing him go after the spider will send you into full on panic mode.

“Did you get it?”

“да.”

You sigh with relief and start to move into the bathroom.

“Thanks, babe, I just really fucking hate spi - “

You stop dead in your tracks as you see Vladimir standing there, an evil grin lighting up his scarred face.

“Wanna make sure pest is dead?”

“Vladimir Ranskahov, if you come near me with that, so help me God I will withhold sex.”

Vladimir scoffs and rolls his eyes. “You wouldn’t last.”

“Excuse me?! I’m not the one who has the self control of a horny 17 year old!”

There’s a pause that hangs in the air and you know from the look on Vladimir’s face that you’re in trouble.

“Shit.”

You flee out the door with a screech as he lunges at you with the tissue in his hand, laughing as he chases you down the hall and into your bedroom.

You both end up on opposite sides of the bed, staring each other down.

You’re tired and you want to shower and goddamn you just hate spiders and you want to smack the shit-eating grin off of your boyfriend’s handsome face, but you can’t help but laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation.

“Alright, Vlad, baby, if you really love me, you will throw that spider in the trash.”

Vladimir huffs and juts out his lower lip, looking like an overgrown toddler whose been denied candy.

“You don’t fight fair.”

You give him a look that clearly reads “and you do?” and your boyfriend sighs, smiling.

“You are right. But I have proposition.”

You groan at the coyness in his thick accent, simultaneously exasperated and turned on. But two can play at that game.

You cock your hip to one side, biting at your lip seductively.

“What do you have in mind?”

Vladimir’s eyes pupils darken at the lilt in your voice and he motions to the spider in his hand.

“This goes if that goes.”

He motions to the towel covering your naked body and you smile brightly.

“Easy enough.”

You drop the towel, hands on your hips, relishing the way Vladimir’s eyes roam hungrily over the exposed flesh.

He doesn’t take his eyes off you as he moves to the trashcan in the corner, dropping the tissue in before making his way over to you.

You know the look he’s giving you – and despite your claims that you’d withhold sex, both of you are well aware that was an empty threat – but you want to have some fun first.

“OK, time to shower, thank youuuu!”

You grab your towel off the ground and sprint out the door, giggling as Vladimir chases after you again, this time actually catching you and bringing your lips to his in a fiery kiss.

You break the kiss only to tilt your neck to Vladimir, inhaling deeply as his teeth rake over the exposed skin, biting to leave bruises as usual – making his territory to any men who would dare hit on you.

You knot your hand in his blond hair, eyes closed as you revel in how good he feels. But you aren’t going to concede that easily.

“I’m still mad at you, Volodya,” you murmur.

“Good thing I know how to change that, mhm?”

You chuckle as Vladimir leaves one final kiss on your throat, pulling back as you move into the shower while he kicks off his sweats and boxers in one motion

You smirk at how absurdly hard he is already, wiggling your fingers invitingly toward you and he steps in, bringing you into his arms as you turn the shower’s handle, warm water cascading down both of your eager bodies.

His hands work your ass possessively, aggressively; a sharp contrast to the softness in his voice as he murmurs in your ear, “Still love me, yes?”

You sigh contentedly, turning to wrap your hands behind his neck, pulling yourself flush against him.

“Of course,” you say affectionately. Now it’s your turn to bite at his neck, murmuring in between nips, “Even if you are a shithead sometimes.”

Your joined laughter echoes around the shower, Vladimir tilting your head back up to bring your lips to his before he pushes you roughly up against the glass door; one hand squeezing your breast while his other moves downward; his triumphant smirk pronounced at the sound you make when he shoves two fingers inside you.

He was right – he always did know how to make you forget that you were mad at him.

-

2 weeks later

Despite the superb, cathartic sex that had resulted from the spider incident, you were still determined to find a way to get revenge on your boyfriend. But it was hard – for all the fucked up shit he had been through, had seen, had done, you really did know that he wasn’t afraid of much.

Rats were out. So were cats – he called you kitten, for Christ’s sake. He absolutely loved dogs. Wasn’t afraid of heights. You were just about to resign yourself to the idea that his hardening life experience had rid him of any “petty” or typical fears until one lazy afternoon in Central Park.

You convinced him to take a few hours to relax with you – yelling over his usual claim that he was busy with, “You didn’t break out of Utkin to rot inside a garage all day, Vladimir!

He stands there fuming silently until you go up to him, running your hands on his chest and gazing up at him earnestly, the hard expression on his scarred face softening at your touch.

“Hey, I’m sorry. I just miss spending real time with you, Volodya. Not work time, just time for us.” 

Vladimir sighs, pulling you close with one arm around your waist; his free hand cradling your head to his chest as his lips brush against your hair.

“I’m sorry too, котенок. I’ll take breaks to be with you and your pretty face more, да? Starting today?”

You pull away from his chest with a smile that grows wider as you see the crooked smile on Vladimir’s face and you run a hand through his blond spikes.

“I love you.”

Vladimir kisses you eagerly in response, taking your hand in his as he leads you toward the garage’s entrance, shouting in Russian to Sergei who nods, giving you a small smile that you return.

 So here you are now, basking in the warm glow of the sun and the feel of grass against your skin; contentedly perched between Vladimir’s legs as his strong hands work through your long tresses, humming while he puts the finishing touches on an intricate braid.

He stops for a second as he reaches for the hairband in your hand, taking a moment to kiss your knuckles and chuckling.

“What?”

“Tastes sweet. You eat like child.”

You swat backwards his thigh playfully as you laugh with him.

“Hey, I don’t apologize for enjoying my frozen dairy treats; everyone in America here has gotten melted ice cream all over their hands in the summer.”

“нет, I didn’t.”

You roll your eyes but smile as Vladimir pushes your braid tenderly over your left shoulder, bringing his chin to rest on your right.

“That’s because you always inhale yours in like 30 seconds, my dear.”

Vladimir pushes away from you suddenly and you yelp as your support keeping you upright is removed; leaving you laying on your back, stunned on the grass as you look up in utter bemusement.

“What the hell was that?!”

You stand up and turn, staring incredulously at Vladimir standing a solid 10 feet away from you, his eyes wide and his expression nervous.

You see him swallow hard, working to rearrange his features in an expression of indifference and failing.

“Nothing, just, it’s just -” Vladimir points at your hair and then down to your shoulder and you look confusedly until you see a large butterfly perched harmlessly on your skin.

“Oh! Hey there, little guy,” you say happily, reaching your finger out and smiling as the insect flits onto your finger. You look up and dawning, gleeful comprehension takes hold of you as you watch your boyfriend’s jaw clench.

“Volodya,” you ask slowly. “You’re not scared of butterflies, are you?”

“No!”

You don’t believe his answer for one second, though – why else would he look so freaked out?

You raise an eyebrow, starting forward unexpectedly with your finger outstretched and he recoils immediately, eyes darkening as you let out a triumphant “HA!”

“Y/N, stop it,” he says angrily in his best attempt at his usual snarl, but he can’t keep the anxious edge out and you burst out laughing. Your Volodya, your intimidating 6 something felon of a boyfriend, is afraid of butterflies.

“This is vengeance! You chased me around the house with that spider, gave me shit about it for days, and you don’t think I’ll make fun of you being afraid of butterflies?! Vlad, come on, look how pretty he is!”

Vladimir glares at the innocent butterfly, teeth gritted as he responds. “They stick to you and you don’t even know. I don’t like them.”

Still chuckling, you get one last dig in as you run toward him, but you don’t expect him to start running and not stop even after you shake the butterfly gently off and onto the ground.

“VOLODYA, it’s gone, come back; you did the same shit to me!

“Don’t care!” he yells back and you groan, muttering darkly as you slip of your flats, putting them in one hand as you sprint barefoot after your stubborn boyfriend.

Vladimir is fast, but you’re faster, and you round in front of him, eyes sparkling and breathing heavily as you face him down.

“Ok, ok, truce?”

Vladimir is breathing heavily as well, his eyes lit up with a different kind of mischief.

“Only if you find good enough way to apologize.”

You shake your head but walk swiftly toward him, relishing the way he bites at his lip as you shove him roughly onto the grass.

You straddle him and kiss him fiercely without hesitation, dragging your nails lightly across the exposed skin near his collarbone and breaking the kiss by pulling his bottom lip with your teeth.

“I think I know a few apologies that you’ll really like,” you purr, moving back down to kiss him, eyes widening in surprise but laughing as you’re flipped up onto Vladimir’s shoulder, catching a flash of his typical wolfish grin.

“You can show me how sorry you am over there, princessa,” he says gesturing to a secluded clump of trees and you smile in satisfaction at his voice; so typically Vladimir, somehow able to be utterly sexy and dark but playful.

He catches your swinging hand and brings it to his lips, kissing it sweetly once again and you can’t help but sigh contentedly – you may annoy the shit out of each other sometimes, but you also love the shit out of each other, too.

4

Happy Olympics Day!
  ↳Scott’s expression changing from serious to tender as he reunites with Tessa.