i hate my mind at night

So I started rewatching Voltron again last night on a whim, since I’ve only seen each episode once and I wanted to have it all be fresh in my mind when the new season drops on August 4th. And now that I have my plance shipping goggles on, I couldn’t help but notice a few moments that slipped my notice before.

One of which is this scene! It’s taking place right as Lance is considering whether or not to trust the Blue Lion and take the others through the worm hole. It’s a big decision, and as he decides to go through with it, Pidge places her hand on his shoulder.

Now, immediately before this moment, her hand is clenched in a little fist, hovering above him, and she could easily have placed her hand on the back of the chair, like Hunk. But you see this little moment of decision, this very deliberate choice she makes to place her hand on his shoulder as he makes the very tough call to move forward and fly them into an uncertain abyss.

It’s a gesture of true trust and belief, and I love it. ❤️

10

fast messy little thing about teenage insecurity that I just wanted to scribble out cause it was on my mind for some reason. (be kind to people because you never know how your words might impact them!) To everyone else who’s ever hated their appearance (which let’s be real, is probably everyone reading this right now), I feel you. there’s good days and bad days but hopefully more good than bad. have a great night! best, Kat

Want to know me better? Send me any number!
  • 1: My name?
  • 2: Do I have any nicknames?
  • 3: Zodiac sign?
  • 4: Video game I play to chill, not to win?
  • 5: Book/series I reread?
  • 6: Aliens or ghosts?
  • 7: Writer I trust enough to read whatever they write?
  • 8: Favourite radio station?
  • 9: Favourite flavour of anything?
  • 10: The word that I use all the time to describe something great?
  • 11: Favourite song?
  • 12: The question you ask new friends to get to know them better?
  • 13: Favourite word?
  • 14: The last person who hurt me, did I forgive them?
  • 15: Last song I listened to?
  • 16: TV show I always recommend?
  • 17: Pirates or ninjas?
  • 18: Movie I watch when I'm feeling down?
  • 19: Song that I always start my shuffle with/wake-up song/always-on-a-loop song?
  • 20: Favourite video games?
  • 21: What am I most afraid of?
  • 22: A good quality of mine?
  • 23: A bad quality of mine?
  • 24: Cats or dogs?
  • 25: Actor/actress you trust enough to watch whatever they're in?
  • 26: Favourite season?
  • 27: Am I in a relationship?
  • 28: Something I miss?
  • 29: My best friend?
  • 30: Eye colour?
  • 31: Hair colour?
  • 32: Someone I love?
  • 33: Someone I trust?
  • 34: Someone I always think about?
  • 35: Am I excited about anything?
  • 36: My current obsession?
  • 37: Favourite TV shows as a child?
  • 38: Do I have someone of the opposite sex that I can tell everything to?
  • 39: Am I superstitious?
  • 40: What do I think about most?
  • 41: Do I have any strange phobias?
  • 42: Do I prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it?
  • 43: Favourite hobbies?
  • 44: Last book I read?
  • 45: Last film I watched?
  • 46: Do I play any instruments?
  • 47: Favourite animal?
  • 48: Top 5 blog on Tumblr that I follow?
  • 49: Superpower I wish I could have?
  • 50: How do I destress?
  • 51: Do I like confrontation?
  • 52: When do I feel most at peace?
  • 53: What makes me smile?
  • 54: Do I sleep with the lights on or off?
  • 55: Play any sports?
  • 56: What is my song of the week?
  • 57: Favourite drink?
  • 58: When did I last send a handwritten letter to somebody?
  • 59: Afraid of heights?
  • 60: Pet peeve?
  • 61: What was the last concert I went to see?
  • 62: Am I vegetarian/vegan/pescatarian?
  • 63: What occupation did I want to do when I was younger?
  • 64: Have I ever had a friend turn enemy?
  • 65: What fictional universe would I like to be a part of?
  • 66: Something I worry about?
  • 67: Scared of the dark?
  • 68: Who are my best friends?
  • 69: What do I admire most about others?
  • 70: Can I sing?
  • 71: Something I wish I could do?
  • 72: If I won the lottery, what would I do?
  • 73: Have I ever skipped school?
  • 74: Favourite place on the planet?
  • 75: Where do I want to live?
  • 76: Do I have any pets?
  • 77: What is my current desktop picture?
  • 78: Early bird or night owl?
  • 79: Sunsets or sunrise?
  • 80: Can I drive?
  • 81: Story behind my last kiss?
  • 82: Earphones or headphones?
  • 83: Have I ever had braces?
  • 84: Story behind one of my scars?
  • 85: Favourite genre of music?
  • 86: Who is my hero?
  • 87: Favourite comic book character?
  • 88: What makes me really angry?
  • 89: Kindle or real book?
  • 90: Favourite sporty activity?
  • 91: What is one thing that isn’t tight in schools that should be?
  • 92: What was my favourite subject at school?
  • 93: Siblings?
  • 94: What was the last thing I bought?
  • 95: How tall am I?
  • 96: Can I cook?
  • 97: Can I bake?
  • 98: 3 things I love?
  • 99: 3 things I hate?
  • 100: Do I have more girl friends or boy friends?
  • 101: Who do I get on with better, girls or boys?
  • 102: Where was I born?
  • 103: Sexual orientation?
  • 104: Where do I currently live?
  • 105: Last person I texted?
  • 106: Last time I cried?
  • 107: Guilty pleasure?
  • 108: Favourite Youtuber?
  • 109: A photo of myself.
  • 110: Do I like selfies?
  • 111: Favourite game app?
  • 112: My relationship with my parents?
  • 113: Favourite accents?
  • 114: A place I have not been but wish to visit?
  • 115: Favourite number?
  • 116: Can I juggle?
  • 117: Am I religious?
  • 118: Do I like space?
  • 119: Do I like the deep ocean?
  • 120: Am I much of a daredevil?
  • 121: Am I allergic to anything?
  • 122: Can I curl my tongue?
  • 123: Can I wiggle my ears?
  • 124: Do I like clowns?
  • 125: The Beatles or Elvis?
  • 126: My current project?
  • 127: Am I a bad loser?
  • 128: Do I admit when I wrong?
  • 129: Forest or beach?
  • 130: Favourite piece of advice?
  • 131: Am I a good liar?
  • 132: Hogwarts house / Divergent faction / Hunger Games district?
  • 133: Do I talk to myself?
  • 134: Am I very social?
  • 135: Do I like gossip?
  • 136: Do I keep a journal/diary?
  • 137: Have I ever hopelessly failed a test?
  • 138: Do I believe in second chances?
  • 139: If I found a wallet full of cash on the ground, what would I do?
  • 140: Do I believe people are capable of change?
  • 141: Have I ever been underweight?
  • 142: Am I ticklish?
  • 143: Have I ever been in a submarine?
  • 144: Have I ever been on a plane?
  • 145: In a film about my life, who would I cast as myself, friends and family?
  • 146: Have I ever been overweight?
  • 147: Do I have any piercings?
  • 148: Which fictional character do I wish was real?
  • 149: Do I have any tattoos?
  • 150: What is the best decision I have made in life so far?
  • 151: Do I believe in Karma?
  • 152: Do I wear glasses or contacts?
  • 153: What was my first car?
  • 154: Do I want children?
  • 155: Who is the most intelligent person I know?
  • 156: My most embarrassing memory?
  • 157: What makes me nostalgic?
  • 158: Have I ever pulled an all-nighter?
  • 159: Which do I value more in others, brains or beauty?
  • 160: What colour mostly dominates my wardrobe?
  • 161: Have I ever had a paranormal experience?
  • 162: What do I hate most about myself?
  • 163: What do I love most about myself?
  • 164: Do I like adventure?
  • 165: Do I believe in fate?
  • 166: Favourite animal?
  • 167: Have I ever been on radio?
  • 168: Have I ever been on TV?
  • 169: How old am I?
  • 170: One of my favourite quotes?
  • 171: Do I hold grudges?
  • 172: Do I trust easily?
  • 173: Have I learnt from my mistakes?
  • 174: Best gift I’ve ever received?
  • 175: Do I dream?
  • 176: Have I ever had a night terror?
  • 177: Do I remember my dreams, and what is one that comes to mind?
  • 178: An experience that has made me stronger?
  • 179: If I were immortal, what would I do?
  • 180: Do I like shopping?
  • 181: If I could get away with a crime, what would I choose to do?
  • 182: What does “family” mean to me?
  • 183: What is my spirit animal?
  • 184: How do I want to be remembered?
  • 185: If I could master one skill, what would I choose?
  • 186: What is my greatest failure?
  • 187: What is my greatest achievement?
  • 188: Love or money?
  • 189: Love or career?
  • 190: If I could time travel, where and when would I want to go?
  • 191: What makes me the happiest?
  • 192: What is “home” to me?
  • 193: What motivates me?
  • 194: If I could choose my last words, what would they be?
  • 195: Would I ever want to encounter aliens?
  • 196: A movie that scared me as a child?
  • 197: Something I hated as a child that I like now?
  • 198: Zombies or vampires?
  • 199: Live in the city or suburbs?
  • 200: Dragons or wizards?
  • 201: A nightmare that has stayed with me?
  • 202: How do I define love?
  • 203: Do I judge a book by its cover?
  • 204: Have I ever had my heart broken?
  • 205: Do I like my handwriting?
  • 206: Sweet or savoury?
  • 207: Worst job I’ve had?
  • 208: Do I collect anything?
  • 209: Item of clothing or jewellery you’ll never see me without?
  • 210: What is on my bucket list?
  • 211: How do I handle anger?
  • 212: Was I named after anyone?
  • 213: Do I use sarcasm a lot?
  • 214: What TV character am I most like?
  • 215: What is the weirdest talent I have?
  • 216: Favourite fictional character?

Today marks the one year anniversary of the Orlando Florida nightclub Pulse shooting, where 49 people were killed for being themselves. It was no coincidence that it was at a gay bar, it wasn’t mere chance that it was “latinix night”. This was nothing but an act of hate. A senseless act of violence from someone who thought he had the right to decide that these people should die because of who they are and who they love. My heart is heavy for the families and friends of the victims. Not a moment goes by that I don’t keep this tragedy and the souls lost in it in my heart and mind. There is nothing we can do now except love. Love with our whole hearts and souls and embrace ourselves and who we love. On this pride month, remember them, remember their names. May you all find peace and love in this tragic time.

Edward Sotomayor Jr., 34
Stanley Almodovar III, 23
Luis Omar Ocasio-Capo, 20
Juan Ramon Guerrero, 22
Eric Ivan Ortiz-Rivera, 36
Peter O. Gonzalez-Cruz, 22
Luis S. Vielma, 22
K.J. Morris, 37
Eddie Jamoldroy Justice, 30
Anthony Luis Laureano Disla, 25
Jean Carlos Mendez Perez, 35
Franky Jimmy Dejesus Velazquez, 50
Amanda Alvear, 25
Martin Benitez Torres, 33
Luis Daniel Wilson-Leon, 37
Mercedez Marisol Flores, 26
Xavier Emmanuel Serrano Rosado, 35
Gilberto Ramon Silva Menendez, 25
Simon Adrian Carrillo Fernandez, 31
Oscar A Aracena-Montero, 26
Enrique L. Rios Jr., 25
Miguel Angel Honorato, 30
Javier Jorge-Reyes, 40
Joel Rayon Paniagua, 32
Jason Benjamin Josaphat, 19
Cory James Connell, 21
Juan P. Rivera Velazquez, 37
Luis Daniel Conde, 39
Shane Evan Tomlinson, 33
Juan Chevez-Martinez, 25
Darryl Roman Burt II, 29
Deonka Deidra Drayton, 32
Alejandro Barrios Martinez, 21
Jerald Arthur Wright, 31
Leroy Valentin Fernandez, 25
Tevin Eugene Crosby, 25
Jonathan Antonio Camuy Vega, 24
Jean C. Nives Rodriguez, 27
Rodolfo Ayala-Ayala, 33
Brenda Lee Marquez McCool, 49
Yilmary Rodriguez Solivan, 24
Christopher “Drew” Leinonen, 32
Angel L. Candelario-Padro, 28
Frank Hernandez Escalante, 27
Paul Terrell Henry, 41
Akyra Monet Murray, 18
Christopher Joseph Sanfeliz, 24
Antonio Davon Brown, 29
Geraldo A. Ortiz-Jimenez, 25

i love you, i hate you rp meme
  • “feeling used, but i’m still missing you”
  • “just wanna feel your kiss against my lips”
  • "i can’t see the end of this”
  • “it hurts me every time i see you”
  • "all this time is passing by, and i still can’t seem to tell you why”
  • “i hate you”
  • “i love you”
  • “i hate that i love you”
  • “i realise how much i need you”
  • "you want her, you need her”
  • “i don’t want to, but i can’t put nobody else above you.”
  • “and i will never be her.”
  • “i miss you when i can’t sleep.”
  • “i still got sands in my sweater from nights we don’t remember.”
  • “fucked around and got attached to you.”
  • “do you miss me like i miss you?”
  • “you wouldn’t like that shit.”
  • "friends can break your heart too.”
  • “i’m always tired, but never of you.”
  • “i got these feelings but you never mind that shit.”
  • “you’re still in love with me, but your friends don’t know.”
  • “i don’t mean no harm.”
  • “you ever wonder what we could’ve been?”
  • “if you wanted me, you would just say so.”
  • “you say you wouldn’t and you fucking did.”
  • “lie to me.”
  • “lie with me.”
  • “if i were you i would never let me go,”
  • “now all my drinks and my feelings are all fucking mixed.”
  • “i know that i control my thoughts”
  • “always missing people that i shouldn’t be missing.”
  • “i guess this is moving on.”
  • “i should stop reminiscing.”
  • “i learned from my dad it’s good to have feelings.”
  • “sometimes you gotta burn some bridges just to create some distance”
  • “everyone i do right does me wrong”
  • “all alone, i watch you watch her”
  • “you don’t care, you never did”
  • “she’s the only girl you ever see”
  • “how is it you never notice that you are slowly killing me?”
  • “you don’t give a damn about me”

*feel free to change the words to fit your muse!

The universe never really sent me a warning. When love first arrived, I didn’t pay attention to him the moment he walked right up to me. I didn’t even spare him a second glance. Love wasn’t what I wanted love to be, was far from what I wanted him to be. Love was from a different world and our paths crossing was never part of our plan. But love had already set his heart on me and was persistent. Love showed effort that I never asked him for—love waited for me because love knew I would always walk home. So love walked beside me every single day on my way home and held my hand. Love would even sometimes stay for a little while once we reach the house, love gave me a forehead kiss while my head laid on his shoulder riding the bus but left it at that because love knew that if his lips touched somewhere else, it would be another story. Love made sure I always made it home safe, love inspired me. Love made me do things I never imagined I’d ever do in my life. Love held the ice in the warmth of his hand and it melted. Just like that. But love always fought with me. Love glared daggers at the friend who was only asking for help in courting someone else that he admired. Love stopped talking, stopped seeing me. And love grew tired. Love gave up. But love told me he still wanted to be friends. And with a final wave of hand and a smile, love walked away.

And once he was no longer in sight, I was sure I wanted nothing to do with that. I swore I wouldn’t let love set foot in my house again for a while once it came knocking at my door on a winter night. But love reappeared not long after, just when I wasn’t expecting love to.

Love looked different now. No more tan skin and deep, chocolate eyes. Love smelled different now, spoke differently now. With a sweeter voice, gentler hands, a broader back, and a different kind of warmth. Now love’s eyes, a lighter shade of brown—so mesmerizing. But love wasn’t all new after all. Because love already met me years before, he just didn’t remember. Love didn’t remember my name, but recognized my face. Love wanted to know my name. For the second time. Love roamed the hallways, sneaking a glimpse room after room searching for that one familiar face.

Now love would stay up late at night with me when my mind won’t stop counting reasons to hate myself, keeping me wide awake. But would usually make sure we both got enough rest. Love cared differently now, gave just the kind of love I have always longed for probably without him knowing it. Love became everything I have ever hoped for and so much more. Love’s arms alone felt like home and love offered more kisses now. Love felt safer now. Love made sure he always took care of himself, because he knew I couldn’t afford to lose him, so did I. Love never forgot to remind me knowing I need reassurance every 3 seconds of everyday. Love became the miracle I’ve always asked for from the heavens above. Love became my main source of happiness. Love, every time he got the chance, would hold me in his arms singing me songs all the while running his fingers through my hair and on my skin. Love would wait ‘til I finally got a ride home. Love would always think I’m beautiful—with my hair a mess, cheeks stained with tears, and with a crestfallen face. Love would always say I’m beautiful. But love would also cry, get angry, and would sometimes be cold and distant. Love would also make mistakes and would sometimes forget. Love wasn’t as simple now. Love wasn’t perfect, but neither was I. Love hasn’t been there that long, not all my life, but has been making up for all the years he wasn’t. And that’s all that mattered. Because love promised that love would be here to stay until the very last breath he’d take.

—  irrxlevxnt 
Envy

Originally posted by darkness-on-me

Loki x Reader

Part Two

“You cannot come any further.” A voice drifted through the dull air to greet Loki who had given up on figuring out who was coming and going.


“I will not let him out I just wish to speak with him.” The sound of your voice sent a jolt through Loki, eyes wide and alert as he listened to you.


“We cannot let you in.” The guard insisted.


“And I will not leave until you do!” You sounded furious which amused Loki, recalling the few occasions growing up when he had irritated you to anger, each time you’d missed him by a considerable distance which only made it more infuriating when he teased you.

Keep reading

Owl post

So you know how owls don’t need an address to find the person the letter is addressed to? What if these owls were even cleverer than that?

Imagine Draco, sometime after the war, sitting alone in his flat and not knowing what to do with himself. He feels so empty, but on the other hand, there’s so much he wants to say. But who should he talk to? There’s nobody there. So he just begins writing his thoughts down. Sometimes it’s little poems. Sometimes it’s like he’s writing a journal. And sometimes he writes letters, addressed to no one. He keeps writing every day and whenever he’s finished, he puts the piece of parchment onto the little pile on his desk, where he keeps all his personal writing.

If Draco had been paying more attention, he would have noticed that this pile wasn’t getting any bigger. It stays exactly the same, because his sneaky little owl delivers one per day to the person she thought could help Draco the most.

When she lands on her usual windowsill on Number 12 Grimmauld Place, the window is already open and Harry is smiling at her with a treat in his hand.

“You’re very punctual,” he murmurs as he strokes her feathers. He carefully takes the piece of parchment out of her beak and smiles as she starts nibbling at her treat. Harry suspects Malfoy still doesn’t know that his owl is bringing him these letters.

Harry had been puzzled himself at first, but it hadn’t taken him long to figure out who had written these. After that, he had tried to talk to the owl, tried to explain to her that she must have gotten the wrong address, because surely this wasn’t meant for him.

But the owl had come back every day, bringing Harry another piece of parchment and Harry had found himself mesmerized by them. The poems were heart-wrenching, Malfoy talking about his day made Harry want to go over there and talk to him. But he doesn’t dare. He would have to admit, he read Malfoy’s most inner thoughts without his consent. And Harry doubts, the Malfoy he would be facing would be the same as the Malfoy in these letters.

Sighing, Harry settles down on the couch and begins to read today’s owl post.

I had a dream last night. It wasn’t one of my usual nightmares, but I guess you could still call it that, because this will very likely haunt me for the rest of my days. It was about him. We were younger, much younger. We were on the Quidditch pitch, but not as enemies. We were just flying together, laughing together. It was so strange to see him like this. His eyes didn’t hold the resentment I am used to. He was looking at me like I was his whole world. It still hurts to think about it now. The worst part, however, was the way he cupped my cheeks and smiled at me, right before he kissed me. I could still feel his lips on mine when I woke up. I wasn’t even sure if I had been dreaming or not for a second. Then, reality crashed down on me again. Sometimes, I wonder what would happen if he knew. If he had known back then. I’m not sure if it would have made a difference. All he ever did was hate me, just as much as I pretended to hate him. I regret he never saw the truth. All I ever wanted was him. And for one night, my mind granted me that wish. However, I hope it doesn’t happen again. Only if my mind decides to let me dream forever.

Harry feels dizzy when he puts the letter down. It’s true, he never saw the truth, never even knew there was a truth to be seen. He had never thought to look beyond their fighting and mutual obsession. Never thought it could mean something else entirely.

But over the past few weeks, he discovered a whole different side of Malfoy and thereby discovered something about himself. He wants to take Malfoy’s pain away. Maybe he’s been wanting to do that for a while. And now, Harry knows he can.

He jumps up from the couch and locks eyes with the owl, still sitting on the windowsill.

“You clever little thing,” he whispers to her, as he strokes her feathers one more time. She hoots happily, as if encouraging Harry to hurry up. So he does. He hurries out the door, to apparate to Malfoy’s flat. He has no idea how he will do it and how long it will take Malfoy to believe Harry’s intentions are genuine, but it doesn’t matter.

He will do everything he can to make Draco Malfoy’s dreams come true.


Part 2

I hate small talk.
I want to talk about atoms, death, aliens, sex, intellect, the meaning of life, far away galaxies, music that makes you feel different, memories, the lies you’ve told, your flaws, your favourite scents, your childhood, what keeps you up at night, your insecurities and your fears.
I like people with depth, who speak with emotion from a twisted mind.

I don’t want to know what’s up.

—  The idealist
My 2016 In Reading

THE BOOKS I LOVED SO MUCH I WANTED TO SEW THEM INTO MY SKIN AKA MY FAVORITE BOOKS OF THE YEAR IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER

Homegoing by Yaa Gyasi
Another Brooklyn by Jacqueline Woodson
Today I Am a Book by xTx
The Three Woes by Casey Hannan
A Bestiary by Lily Hoang
Queen of the Night by Alexander Chee
The Mothers by Brit Bennett
Commonwealth by Ann Patchett
The Red Car by Marcy Dermansky

THE BOOK THAT OPENED MY EYES AND MIND AND BROKE MY HEART WITH THE PAINFUL REALITY TOO MANY AMERICANS LIVE WITH

Evicted by Matthew Desmond

THE BOOK THAT WAS TOTAL TRASH AND I THINK THE WRITER HATES FAT PEOPLE WHICH IS FINE BECAUSE WE ALL HAVE OUR ISSUES BUT STILL, GIRL, WHAT….

Maestra by L.S. Hilton

THE COMING OF AGE PROSE POETRY THAT MOVED ME IMMEASURABLY

The Pocket Knife Bible by Anis Mojgani

THE BOOK THAT MADE ME THINK HILLARY CLINTON REALLY WAS GOING TO WIN THE PRESIDENCY

All the Single Ladies by Rebecca Traister

THE STRANGE BOOK ABOUT LONELINESS AND THE THINGS WE DO ONLINE THAT I HIGHLY RECOMMEND

Valletta78 by Erin Fitzgerald

THE POETRY BOOK I DIDN’T UNDERSTAND AT ALL THOUGH I COULD TELL THE POEMS WERE SUPER SMART

The House of Lords and Commons by Ishion Hutchinson

THE ACTION THRILLER THAT HAD LOTS OF HYPE BLURBS BUT WAS ONLY SO SO

The Second Life of Nick Mason by Scott Hamilton

THE RETELLING OF A CLASSIC THAT I REALLY ENJOYED, WHICH SURPRISED ME AND ALSO THE AUTHOR WROTE ONE OF MY FAVORITE BOOKS OF ALL TIME, AMERICAN WIFE

Eligible by Curtis Sittenfeld

THE BOOK THAT MADE ME CRY BECAUSE IT HELD SO MUCH I COULD RELATE TO AND THEN MADE ME A LITTLE MAD

13 Ways of Looking at a Fat Girl by Mona Awad

EXCELLENT SMALL PRESS BOOKS YOU SHOULD CHECK OUT

Pink Museum by Caroline Crew
The Farmacist by Ashley Farmer
The Voyager Record by Anthony Michael Morena
Massive Cleansing Fire by Dave Housley

THE BOOK I READ TO LEARN HOW TO WRITE A COMIC BOOK SERIES EVEN THOUGH I WAS WRITING FOR THEIR MAJOR COMPETITOR

The DC Comics Guide to Writing Comics by Dennis O’Neil

THE COMIC BOOK I LOVED AND RECOMMEND OFTEN

Saga by Brian Vaughan

THE COMIC BOOK ISSUE I READ AND THOUGHT WAS NOT SO GOOD SO I HAVEN’T READ ANY OTHER ISSUES IN THE SERIES

Wonder Woman Rebirth #1

THE BOOK I WROTE AN INTRODUCTION FOR (OUT IN 2017! FROM BEACON PRESS!)

Like One of the Family by Alice Childress

THE BOOK I REVIEWED FOR THE NEW YORK TIMES

Small Great Things by Jodi Picoult

THE BOOK I WANTED TO LOVE THAT HAD GORGEOUS OBSERVATIONS OF WOMEN’S FRIENDSHIPS

Rich and Pretty by Rumaan Alam

THE BOOK ABOUT CHEFS AND THEIR TATTOOS WITH FASCINATING STORIES OF WHY PEOPLE PERMANENTLY INK THEIR SKIN

Knives and Ink by Isaac Fitzgerald and Wendy MacNaughton

THE BOOK I READ BECAUSE I SAW A PREVIEW FOR THE TV SHOW AND LEARNED IT WAS BASED ON A BOOK SO I STARTED WONDERING IF THE BOOK WAS GOOD

Queen of the South by Arturo Perez-Reverte

SOME VERY GOOD BOOKS YOU SHOULD CHECK OUT BECAUSE THE STORIES ARE WARM AND/OR INTELLIGENT AND/OR STRANGE AND/OR GRIPPING AND/OR INTENSE

Turner House by Angela Flournoy
LaRose by Louise Erdrich
The Wangs vs the World by Jade Chang
The Story of My Teeth by Valerie Luiselli
You Will Know Me by Megan Abbott

THE HEARTBREAKING BOOK ABOUT BEING GAY IN THE MIDDLE EAST DURING THESE TUMULTUOUS TIMES FROM A WRITER WITH A LOT OF POTENTIAL

Guapa by Saleem Haddad

GORGEOUS BOOKS OF POETRY I REALLY LOVED

Night Sky With Exit Wounds by Ocean Vuong
L’Heure Bleue by Elisa Gabbert
The New Testament by Jericho Brown
Look by Solmaz Sharif
There Are More Beautiful Things Than Beyoncé by Morgan Parker

THE EXCELLENT BOOK I CHOSE AS MY SELECTION FOR BOOK OF THE MONTH CLUB

The Veins of the Ocean by Patricia Engel

THE BOOK I READ BASICALLY TO IMPRESS A GIRL AND IT WAS A PRETTY GOOD BOOK ALSO AND I HOPE THE GIRL WAS IMPRESSED BY MY DEDICATION BECAUSE THE BOOK WAS VERY LONG

The Fireman by Joe Hill

THE BOOK WITH AN AMAZING TITLE,  SOME REALLY GOOD STORIES INCLUDING A RIFF ON ANTIQUES ROADSHOW AND ALSO SOME STORIES I LIKED LESS

American Housewife by Helen Ellis

THE BOOK THAT WAS EXCEPTIONALLY WRITTEN BUT I WANTED THE ACTUAL RAILROAD PART TO BE MORE FULLY REALIZED

The Underground Railroad by Colson Whitehead

FUN BOOKS THAT WERE FUN

The Assistants by Camille Perri
China Rich Girlfriend by Kevin Kwan

THE BOOK ABOUT BEING SINGLE TOWARD THE MIDDLE OF YOUR LIFE THAT PRETTY MUCH EVERYONE IS GOING TO LOVE WHEN IT COMES OUT

All Grown Up by Jami Attenberg

THE EXCELLENT SHORT STORY COLLECTIONS COMING OUT AROUND THE SAME TIME AS DIFFICULT WOMEN THAT MADE ME JEALOUS AND ALSO SCARED OF THE COMPETITION

Homesick for Another World by Ottessa Moshfegh
Always Happy Hour by Mary Miller

THE BOOK THAT WAS NOT MY CUP OF TEA BUT IT’S ME NOT THE BOOK

300 Arguments by Sarah Manguso

THE BOOKS I BLURBED (AND THEREFORE REALLY ENJOYED)

You’re the  Most Beautiful Thing That Happened by Arisa White
In the Not Quite Dark by Dana Johnson
I Almost Forgot About You by Terry McMillan
The Red Car by Marcy Dermansky
Feminist Baby by Loryn Brantz
Lower Ed: The Troubling Rise of For-Profit Colleges in the New Economy by Tressie McMillan Cottom
Bruja by Wendy C. Ortiz
Sing For Your Life by Daniel Bergner
Made for Love by Alissa Nutting

Some books are so damn important that they turn everything you know upside down.

The books you want to read steal your mind.

The books you crave to read steal your heart.

The books you need to read steal your breath.

I hope you all enjoy at least one of these books in your reading experience.

What If I Kissed You

Characters: Jensen Ackles, Y/N Y/L/N, Misha Collins, Jared Padalecki, Brianna Buckmaster  

Pairing: Jensen x Reader

Warnings: A few adultish thoughts, Drunkish!Jensen, tipsy!reader, not much. Mostly fluff.      

Word Count: 1700ish

A/N: So I have been writing a lot of angst lately for my series and for and for angst day (yep I am gonna make y’all cry that day). So I kinda needed a change of pace. When I heard Temecula Road’s What if I Kissed You this one shot popped into my mind.

Thanks a billion to the bestest little sister in the world @mysupernaturalfics for betaing this one for me

Note hate against Danneel - I love her. For the purpose of this fic Jensen is single. 

Being around Y/N on set was bad enough, but tonight it was down right impossible for Jensen to focus on anything else but her. It was a beautiful night in Rome. All his friends, well work friends, were there. Misha and Jared were laughing and talking about something right next to him, but Jensen didn’t pay attention to them at all.

His eyes were solely fixated on Y/N and the way she was laughing and dancing with Brianna. Hell, he couldn’t even hear the music over the sound of her bell like laughter ringing in his ears. He was drunk and not only on the “apple juice”  he had been drinking all day, but on her. She filled his senses and Jensen allowed his mind to wander as he watched how the short summer dress she was wearing clung to her curves in all the right places. Her tanned skin was almost shining in the lights of the club and her hair was swaying with her every movement. She looked happy and free.

Keep reading

Wicked Game ~ Peter Parker, Part 2

Summary: Dealing with the aftermath of heartbreak and not talking to Peter for 2 weeks causes the reader to not want to go to homecoming, but MJ forces her to go and the events that happen there may turn the worst 2 weeks to the best 2 weeks of her life.

Warnings: Minor swearing, angst, make out

Word count: 2,589… I got a little carried away whoops


It’s been two weeks since the incident on the rooftop. I haven’t talked to Peter since then. At this point, I could barely look at him without bursting into tears. The truth is beside Peter I didn’t have any friends besides Michelle. I didn’t exactly tell her what happened, but I’m pretty sure she figured out it had to do with Peter. Ignoring Peter wasn’t incredibly hard since we lived in the same apartment. Just because I didn’t want to talk didn’t mean he didn’t. For the first week, he followed me around trying to talk to me. Of course, I had headphones and turned them up as loud as my ears could handle so I couldn’t hear his voice. At least he took the hint and stopped trying to start a conversation. Now he just stares at me. All of the time. I swear he keeps playing this game. Doesn’t he get he already won? The more he looks at me the more my heart breaks. At this point I’m numb. Why the hell did I fall in love with him? I’m such a fool.

“Are you going to tell me what happened between you and Peter or are you just going to sit staring out the window looking like you’re about to cry everyday” I heard Michelle say nonchalantly.

“It’s a long story MJ” I replied

“Good thing this homework we are working on isn’t due tomorrow,” She said putting the books aside.

“I don’t really want t-”

“You can’t keep this to yourself any more Y/N I’m seriously getting worried, I’m not a doctor, but I know hiding something that made you this upset for too long isn’t smart,” she said interrupting me

“He broke my heart” I whispered, tears beginning to fill my eyes as my mind replayed the events of the worst night of my life.

“He doesn’t deserve you Y/N, if he doesn’t see how amazing you are he’s blind, and a fucking idiot to be honest, Do you want me to beat him up for you because I’m totally willing to do that because I hate assholes”

“Oh my god, thank you MJ” I laughed, I’m pretty sure this is the first time I’ve laughed in the past 2 weeks. MJ may be very shy and unsocial, but once you get to know her she’s amazing. To be completely honest her attitude, in general, is enough to cheer me up. She’s so different and honestly an inspiration. I’m so grateful for her because without her I know this whole Peter thing would be much worse.

“I’ll beat him up in front of the whole school during homecoming” MJ giggled clenching her fists and holding them up like she was going to fight someone.

“You know I’m now going to homecoming, right”?

“Excuse me yes you are, you will not let Peter Parker ruin some of the best moments you’ll ever have in high school. You shouldn’t let him have that power over you, and even if he does don’t let him see that”

“But I can’t bear to see him dancing wi-”

“So don’t look at them, find your own boy to dance with, there will be tons of handsome lonely boys looking for a beautiful girl like you to dance with, you are a strong independent girl and you don’t need Peter Parker to make your life complete, and come on if I agreed to go to homecoming that says a lot since I’m probably the most unsocial person on the planet and I need a friend to come with me so I’m not alone, please come Y/N I’m practically on my knees begging you” MJ blurted. She was right, I can’t let Peter control my life.

“Fine I guess I’ll go but for you,” I said

“Yay! I’m so excited” she exclaimed giving me a hug, good thing I had bought a dress. I would have to wear my one from last years homecoming and to be honest, I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t fit.

For the rest of the night, we ate ice cream and watched funny chick flicks and I forgot all about Peter until she had to leave. As much as I don’t want Peter to control my life, but I can’t bear to see Peter dancing with Liz. I think my heart would shatter into a million pieces. I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and I looked at myself, I honestly looked like a mess. I had bags under my eyes, my eyes were puffy from crying so much. Why was I letting Peter Parker ruin my life? I should never let a boy ruin my life. I have so much more than Peter Parker. If this game was to break my heart. I shouldn’t let him win. I have to stop moping 24/7 and actually live. Even if I don’t have a date to homecoming it doesn’t mean I won’t find a lonely boy to dance with. After all, it’s completely possible to fall in love more than once. I’m not going to let Peter win. Somehow I managed to find some confidence. It’s time to be my old self again I thought walking from the bathroom. I walked into my room and jumped into my bed and swiftly pulled the covers over me. Tomorrow is a new day, a new me. No more crying over Peter Parker I thought as I drifted into a nice well-needed slumber.

————-

I woke up to the sound of my alarm clock, scaring the shit out of me like it always does. I groaned turning off my alarm clock and getting up to walk to my closet to find clothes. Lately, i’ve been wearing sweatpants and a sweatshirt to school every day, but that was going to change. I grabbed a pair of skinny jeans and a nice shirt and skipped to the bathroom.

“Why are you so cheerful today honey” I heard my mom say as I skipped past the kitchen to get to the bathroom.

“Homecoming is today, and you know how much I love to dance mom” I practically sung as I closed the bathroom door. Today I needed to show confidence. I needed Peter to know I wasn’t going to mope over him forever. I caught him staring at me countless times this week. I hope showing him I’m getting over him will make him jealous. Wait. no that’s not the point of this I mentally yelled at myself as I grabbed eyeliner and mascara. After I finished putting on makeup, I slipped on my clothes and grabbed my pair of black converse.

“You look cute today Y/N” my mom pointed out.

“Thanks, mom” I answering grabbing my backpack and giving my mom a kiss on the cheek.

“Your father and I aren’t going to be home for a couple of days, we have to go on a business trip, but make sure to send us pictures, I’m sorry we won’t be here,” she said, she obviously felt bad, but they did this all of the time.

“It’s fine” I lied as I walked out the door. A sigh left my mouth. I don’t know why they are always traveling I wish they could actually be home for one special event of mine. No wonder I’m closer to May than my parents, but I can’t see her without seeing Peter. Peter was usually the person who always comforted me when my parents would leave. I felt tears start to sting my eyes. No. I promised myself I would stop crying over him. I blinked away the tears and began walking to school. I walked kind of slow so when I walked in most people were at their lockers. What happened next was pretty weird. It felt like I was in a movie. Everything was going in slow motion and basically, everyone was staring at me. I mean I’m pretty sure it’s because the past two weeks I’ve acted like actual death and looked it too, but then again I didn’t think people noticed.

“Nice ass Y/L/N” I heard Flash say from behind me

“Shut it Flash” I warned, as he put both his hands up laughing. I right as I turned around I ran into someone which knocked me over making me land right on my butt.

“I’m so sor-” I cut myself off as my eyes met with the brown sparkling orbs of
Peter Parker. He was holding out his hand offering to help me up. For some reason, I actually took his hand. I could feel my whole body tingling just from him grabbing my hand. He pulled me up, and I immediately let go of his hand brushing off my pants. I brushed the hair that was in my face behind my ear and stood up straight.

“I’m really sorry about that” I mumble looking down at my feet

“It’s okay” he insisted, I looked up at his face to see a bruise on his face that I hadn’t noticed.

“Oh my god Peter the bruise on your face, who did that to you”I whispered yelled

“It doesn’t matter, the bad guy just got a swing at my face” he stated

“You have to be more careful Peter” I cautioned.

“I am careful you don’t have to worry about me Y/N” he insisted

“Well I do,” I said louder than I wanted to. “I-I h-have to class” I interjected bowing my head and pushing past him to get to class trying to hide the tint of red on my cheeks. That was actually the first semi-normal interaction I had with him in 2 weeks and I barely embarrassed myself. The rest of the day went by pretty fast and MJ and I literally ran home so we could get ready. I went into the bath reapplying and putting more makeup on. I quickly stripped my clothes off and slipped into my dress. I looked into the mirror and I was actually happy with what I saw. I walked out to see Michelle in a beautiful blue dress.

“Dang M, how did you not get a date,” I said

“Well besides from the fact I don’t talk to people, I have no idea” she laughed

“Are you ready to go?” I asked

“Yep, it’s funny how both are always gone for the important things,” She said obviously upset her parents weren’t here too. I gave her a small hug and soft smile and we walked out.

———–

We arrived at the school and walked into the gym. There were balloons everywhere the lights were dim and kids were dancing. MJ and I met up with Ned. I saw Liz walk in without Peter and I raised my eyebrow. I heard the doors open shortly after MJ and I made eye contact with his brown whiskey eyes. I felt like I was staring him for years until MJ pulled me away as Liz grabbed his hand. MJ grabbed my arm and pulled me over to a circle of basically the whole decathlon team dancing, but I still looked towards Peter who surprisingly still has his eyes on me. and I eventually I started to let go and dance to the beat. I felt good the music was upbeat and I was actually having a great time. I took a mental note that I owe MJ Starbucks for making me come to this. There were a couple songs and I dance one dance with Ned, and I even danced with Flash even though I hate him. There was only about 30 minutes left of the dance, and a boy named Isaac who I had couple classes with timidly walked up to me

“Y/N would you like to dance with me,” he asked shyly

“Of course” I replied grabbing his hand and pulling him to the center of the gym. I put my arms around his neck and he put his on my hips and we danced for 2 songs, but I could see and feel Peter’s eyes on me but he was jealous. I knew he was because I’ve known him my whole life and I definitely know when that boy is jealous. He has Liz so why he so bothered by me dancing with someone else.

“You’re distracted by something” he blurted out leaving me a little shocked.

“No, I’m just tired” I insisted

“Hey, look I’m pretty observant, but I’m pretty sure anyone could tell you like Peter Parker a lot more than a friend, and I’m 99.9% positive he feels the same way” He explained

“He is with Liz, he likes Liz, and I already told him how I felt”

“If you haven’t noticed he’s been staring at this whole dance right”

“So what that doesn’t mean anything” I signed looking at my feet.

“Like I said I’m very observant, and the way Peter looks at you is different than he looks at anyone else even Liz” he argued, and I laughed

“You should ask MJ to dance, you guys are very similar” I sighed, still looking at my feet. Soon the song Waves by Dean Lewis came on.

“I’m about to be proven right,” he said triumphantly  

“Wait, what do yo-”

“You mind if I steal her for a dance” I looked to see Peter holding out his hand

“Absolutely” he replied winking at me. I mouthed “I hate you” and he put his hands up in defense walking away. Peter put his hands on my hips and I put mine on his shoulders. I couldn’t face him, I had no idea why he was dancing with me, or how Liz allowed him to do it. I was staring at his tie.

“You look really beautiful tonight Y/N” he commented quietly. Seriously is this boy trying to lead me on? What the hell does he want from me? I pushed him away.

“What kind of game are you playing Parker because I’m seriously sick of th-” I was cut off by him slamming his lips into mine, making my eyes open wider than humanly possible. My arms were at my side clenched and my whole body went tense. To be honest I could not comprehend what was happening, but eventually, my body relaxed and I wrapped my arms around his neck pulling him closer and savoring the way his soft lips felt on mine. We pulled away for air.

“Why did you do that” I whispered.

“Just because I was going to homecoming with didn’t mean I didn’t have the same feelings for you” He revealed bowing his head down. “I asked Liz to homecoming because I thought you didn’t feel the same way, I was going to tell you after that night, but you never really gave me the chance”. I was speechless, honestly, I didn’t know how to react to this, so I just hugged him engulfing his.

“I love you, Peter Parker”

“I love you too”

I guess this wicked game came out with both of us winning.

————-

I hope you guys liked it! Feedback is seriously appreciated


tag list: @bonum-viatee  @emily-ily2 @kkkkkennedyyyyy @spidderdaddy  @slythergirlimagines

1. i don’t know how to say this so i’m just going to say it - don’t text me anymore. don’t call me. don’t ask me how i am when you feel lonely. don’t check up on me. don’t tell me you’re doing well. i don’t want to hear it. i don’t want to hear it because you fucking broke me. GOODBYE.

2. hey, okay, sooo i thought i could be friends with you but it hurts too much. not that you hurt me that much. no, i’m okay. i don’t cry in the shower anymore. some nights i actually fall asleep before 4 a.m. but then there’s some nights where i think about you and her kissing and it’s all that’s on my mind for days. no, no, it’s not like that. it’s not that i love you anymore or that i’m jealous. i just hate you for what you did to me. so yeah, anyways, just thought you should know i don’t want to be friends. hope you’re doing well though. maybe our paths will cross again.

3. i told myself many, many months ago that if i wanted this to work, if i wanted us to be friends, i couldn’t talk to you about my feelings ever again. i couldn’t turn every conversation into our failed relationship. so for many, many months, i’ve been letting it eat at me instead. i don’t want it to eat at me anymore and you don’t want to listen to me whine so i think this has to end. sorry.

4. hey, listen: some days i’m fine, but the smallest things get to me. like i’m pretty sure i saw you on her snapchat story. it’s none of my business, but i’m really mad at you for it. i’m really mad that you still talk to that girl you chose over me and you still like all of these girls’ facebook photos but you never like mine. and it’s not fair for me to be mad at you for having friends or being happy, i have no right to be, you didn’t do anything wrong. but it still gets to me, still eats away at me, still makes me want to knock down your door and ask you why the fuck you had to leave, why you had to do anything you did, why i poured all of my love into you that i didn’t have any left for myself and you took it and gave it to somebody else. god, this hurts. i don’t want you to know how badly this hurts but it does. i’m leaving you and taking this hurt with me.

5. hey, hope you’re doing well, but this still feels like a nightmare i’ll never wake up from. and i’m sorry, i’m so fucking sorry, it’s not fair to you to have to listen to this shit because it’s been two whole years and i’m still not over it. and that’s my problem, not yours. it will never be your fault that i’m so goddamn sensitive. i’ve never been able to get over anything and i hate myself for it. please let me heal. please leave.

6. hey, remember the summer where i hooked up with the first guy who wasn’t you, when you had me blocked on everything and i couldn’t see what you were up to? well, i still read my posts from that summer and i was actually HAPPY. can you believe that? i was actually going about my life without you and i wasn’t thinking about what you did to me. but here i am again, thinking about it and the only thing that’s changed is that you speak to me. and i would love to be friends with you, i would, i’ve been trying so hard to be for months, but it’s making me so damn miserable. and i’m so jealous that she gets to be friends with you and i don’t. i’m sorry i’m not her. i’m sorry i never will be.

7. i’ve been ignoring your messages on purpose and you keep texting me again and it’s exhausting to have to ignore you all of the time and feel so guilty about it. i just don’t understand how you just don’t get the hint. so here’s a bigger one: LEAVE ME ALONE.

8. hey, okay, i know this is sudden but i don’t want to hear from you anymore. i don’t want to think about this anymore. i want to move on with my life and there’s no room for you in it. it was stupid of me to think that just because you’ve always been a good friend to me that we can be friends. we can’t.

9. hey. first off, i want to say i’m sorry, i just need to do what’s best for me. secondly, thank you for always being there when i needed you, but i don’t need you anymore. for now, it has to be just me. it feels like i’m breaking up with you and we’re not even dating, but this is it - this is goodbye. forever. don’t contact me.

10. all you ever did was hurt me. fuck you. i don’t want to see your stupid fucking name on my phone anymore. fucking get out. leave.

—  10 text messages i’m afraid to send because i don’t want to say goodbye to you, not again
10,000 - 11,100 Follower Prompt Batch Special
  • “I took your memories for a good reason, but I shouldn’t have.”
  • “Is it too late to come over?”
  • “Hey, let me in. It’s so cold out here.”
  • “I wasn’t sure if you could understand my language, what with you being ancient and all.”
  • “When I told you that you could come along, I meant silently.”
  • “I’m the opposite of flexible.”
  • “You’ve been talking for eight months and you still don’t know their name?”
  • “You wanted to stand out, so now you do. Is this not what you meant?”
  • “I can’t sleep at night anymore. I don’t like closing my eyes.”
  • “You stood there and let it happen. You get to face the consequences.”
  • “I can’t say this was one of my proudest moments.”
  • “I figured that I could mold myself into someone you could admire whilst you were gone.”
  • “You stop me from making bad ideas all the time. Of course I got a little dependent on that.”
  • “Take a look at what I have to do and now tell me it’s easy.”
  • “They were conducting experiments here. I was a part of that.”
  • “You can teleport! Surely you can get us out of this mess, right?”
  • “Even a master such as I can make mistakes.”
  • “I’ve been patiently waiting, but I can’t do that anymore.”
  • “Sometimes change only happens when we make it.”
  • “Whoever put you on my team is getting a stern talking to.”
  • “Even after all the evidence I collected, you don’t believe me?”
  • “You said it was rare, but that means it’s happened before, so there must be someone else who knows about it.”
  • “Rock, paper, scissors solves everything.”
  • “I was trying really hard to listen to you, but I’m so bored.”
  • “I won’t forget this.”
  • “After a lot of confusion, I think I’ve finally figured this out.”
  • “If being honest is all I have, then so be it.”
  • “Why am I here? Why, that’s easy! You asked for a miracle, remember?”
  • “We’re already fifteen minutes into the project. Why are you trying to stop me now?”
  • “I can practically taste the disaster.”
  • “I promise you that you don’t want to stay around here for long.”
  • “If you find a way out of this, take me with you.”
  • “None of this was my idea.”
  • “You were the stone and we were the birds.”
  • “It wasn’t hopeless. Look at what you’ve accomplished.”
  • “I never minded when you were around me. Why would that change?”
  • “Hate to break it to you, but you’re turning into an alien.”
  • “Don’t you dare let go of my hand. You hear me?”
  • “Duck your head and follow me.”
  • “Thing is, if I continue to think about it, I’ll only get more anxious.”
  • “I never wanted this for you. For any of you.”
  • “Do those marks look like they were made by an animal to you?”
  • “If I had said something else, would it have made a difference?”
  • “It’s garbage night. That means we lay here and feel like trash.”
  • “Maybe if I turn the music up louder, I’ll be able to ignore it all.”
  • “I wonder if it still qualifies as a problem if it doesn’t affect you personally? Hm?”
  • “Take a look around. This is our world now.”
  • “Were you expecting the aliens to be hostile?”
  • “Let’s break the rules and take over the world.”
  • “It’s time you knew where you actually came from.”
  • “Truth be told, you’re not the first one I would have chosen for this.”
  • “If it was easy, don’t you think I would have changed already?”
  • “I’ve been dead for so long, I’ve forgotten how to live.”
  • “Making you mad is so easy. I’ve been trying to see if I could set a new record.”
  • “Why do you always assume everything is my fault?”
  • “We have a special guest. Go clean up.”
  • “Together, we can find a way.”
  • “You can call it anything, but that was love right there.”
  • “I know you’re headed in the right direction.”
  • “If I hadn’t held you back, who knew what would have happened?”
  • “I like it when you sing to me. Why’d you stop?”
  • “Can you blame me for my excitement? This is huge!”
  • “I didn’t need you to come along. You messed everything up.”
  • “What’s the interrogation for?”
  • “Can you imagine how boring an endless slide would be after the thirty minute mark?”
  • “We can make this work.”
  • “It’s like all I can ever do is make you unhappy.”
  • “You could have talked to me if you needed it.”
  • “Why would I turn you? You don’t want this life. I promise you that.”
  • “I can see the end. Hurry!”
  • “Getting lost in a maze with you was a nightmare that I can only hope to never experience again.”
  • “I don’t know if I should trust you to get us there safely.”
  • “Did you finally have enough of me?”
  • “Believe it or not, I’m actually tired of people comparing me with them.”
  • “I’m tired of you doubting me. At this point, what do I have to do to prove myself?”
  • “I don’t say it often, but I do love you. Very much so.”
  • “I like the friendship we have, but I want something more.”
  • “Well, the vision I had was pure chaos. Let’s prevent that, shall we?”
  • “I’m proud of you. That you moved on.”
  • “Contrary to popular belief, I am actually a mind reader.”
  • “I didn’t know how to ask.”
  • “I don’t want to bring you down, but sometimes I need your support.”
  • “I’m sick and tired of living here. It’s so bland and boring.”
  • “I don’t want to be alone for the vacation, so come with me. Drop everything and pack up.”
  • “I’m way too nice to do that, sorry.”
  • “You can’t pick and choose which parts of me you can fix.”
  • “There’s no reason to be so cold.”
  • “Wishful thinking is a blessing in disguise.”
  • “Look! You’re doing it! I’m so proud of you.”
  • “We got this far and it’d be a shame to turn back now.”
  • “I can’t just leave it here. It was all cold and alone. Come on, please?”
  • “You look over there and I’ll look over here.”
  • “I’ll do all the chores for two months if you do my paper for me.”
  • “I thought you liked my stories?”
  • “Can you remember how nervous you were? Now look at you!”
  • “I am glorious, admit it. Maybe it’ll rub off on you.”
  • “I wasn’t afraid. I was just… Concerned.”
  • “Your heart was in the right place. It’s the thought that counts.”
  • “I was ten minutes late. There’s no way they didn’t notice.”
  • “I’m both a lover and a fighter. I’ll take you down and then give you a kiss.”
  • Takenaka: Alright, Kageyama, I've decided it's finally time to read your mind and see what you're really thinking.
  • Shigeo: Ok
  • Shigeo, internally: Broccoli is the most noxious vegetable in the damn world. I never want to have anything to do with it again. I hate broccoli so much, I hope it gets completely shredded in the blazing pressure of the atmosphere and never comes back. I hope aliens are real so they can abduct it and do horrific experiments on it before eradicating it permanently from existence in the most painful way possible. Alas, my vengeance still waits; my mother served broccoli in stir fry for dinner last night and I almost cried at the dinner table in front of God and everyone. Not that my expression would give it away, but it's the truth. I was almost brought to tears by a cooked vegetable. She had no way of knowing, bless her. She won't know. She can never know. The secret of my grudge against the broccoli must stay in my heart forever. Broccoli takes out everything that is good in this world if you let it take root. These health fads going around somehow still worship it like it's some sort of health god... I'll admit it's good for you, but their faith only makes the foul thing stronger and more palpable in its malcontent. The fools. The disrespectful, ungrateful naïveté disgusts me. Why should I shoulder this burden, this knowledge and pain of the truth, the real truth, all alone, while they continue on, still worshipping it in the face my loss. Nobody knows the trouble I've seen. Nobody knows my sorrow. Fuck broccoli.
  • Takenaka: Dude, what the fuck????? What did broccoli ever do to you?! Kill your best friend in some weird and horrific manner? Make everyone you know and love turn on you? Steal your life and identity?!
  • Shigeo:
  • Takenaka:
  • Shigeo:
  • Takenaka:
  • Shigeo:
  • Takenaka:
  • Shigeo: Yes.
vieques


I listened to a lot of podcasts while I was gone and ate shrimp mofongo and bought earrings from local designers. I ate a lot of pizza and one poorly seasoned fish sandwich and met a smiling dog right there in the bar who I think, no lie, was sent by the universe to make me feel better.

I stepped in horse shit a couple times and had beaches all to myself and stared out at the endless water and thought again of how small and insignificant I really am, all things considered. The biobay tour guide told us that there are only six of these bays still on earth and that the oceans are throwing up all the plastic and trash we’ve been tossing into them over the past few decades. Reminded me that the planet will definitely get rid of us before we are able to get rid of her. And then thought about the current state of humanity and decided that probably wouldn’t be so bad.

I missed him so much. Every time someone said “table for one?” or “just one today?” I felt his absence all over again. Thought about how much he’d have loved the water and taking pictures of me and being tipsy all day.

Then thought about how we almost certainly would have ended up arguing and angry. Remembered that God knows what she is doing in my life.

Fuck, I miss him though. I am so tired of crying.

I’m angry because he broke my trust in the deepest way and I’m angry because I let him that close to me. I’m angry because I let him into my life and now I miss being held. I miss being touched. I miss being actively loved. I feel lonely sometimes and I’m sad because of those things. I don’t want to talk about it.

I hate that I have to build a rind around my soft human parts. Again. I hate how much I miss him. I hate how often I think about his eyes and the tender way he always told me he loves me. I hate that night and that it happened. I hate that I ever took his number in the first place. I hate that I miss our routine and I hate that I let him spend so much time in my space. I hate that I miss game nights and date nights and “let’s just be washed” nights. I hate that I miss doing the laundry with him because he doesn’t mind folding. I hate that I miss hearing his key turn in the lock. I hate that I was vulnerable with someone who violated that. I hate that I still care and I really hate fucking crying.