i hate my maths

How Dan and Phil probably broke up #19
  • Dan: *walks into something and trips*
  • Phil: baby can't you see
  • Dan:
  • Phil: yoU'Re fALLinG
How them 2000s live actions kids shows be
  • Normal Girl: *internally* I'm just a normal high school girl. I suck at math. I hate my parents. When someone asks me about my opinion on complex socioeconomic issues, I just go "What the heck!?" and start "texting" or something like that. My life would be just like yours, except for one thing: I have an amazing power... I can talk to cetaceans!
  • *at the docks, a bell tolls as our normal protagonist hears the voices of cetaceans bubbling in her mind*
  • Normal Girl: *staring deeply into the ocean*
  • Best Friend: Ahoy! What're you doing?
  • Normal Girl: Just staring into the oceanic abyss, thinking about how much I hate my parents. *internally* I have to keep my ability to speak to cetaceans secret or else... uh...
  • Best Friend: Haha, I feel that, friend. What a colorful life we teens live, our seaside environment awakening a rumbling darkness within ourselves of which we mull on our own with nothing but the unbounding depths of the ocean as our one escape. An escape which serves to only maim our fragile egos with newfound adolescent anxieties.
  • Normal Girl: What are you even talking about?
  • Best Friend: I don't know. I haven't slept in a week. Let's go to the mall.
  • *at the mall*
  • Normal Girl: *internally* My town might as well be called Lamesville. Nothing ever happens here, but the mall can be pretty fun. It's only place in the whole town with anything in it that isn't fish or excessive amounts of woodlice.
  • Best Friend: ...So I'd just dance and I'd dance until my feet broke. When that happened, I'd just get up and dance on my broken feet. And I did this until they were raw and blood was everywhere. I kept waking up in the morning extremely exhausted after this dream. I decided to record myself one night and it turns out I was dancing in my sleep. I haven't slept since I saw that. *leans in close to the normal girl* I'm afraid of what I'll do in my sleep.
  • Normal Girl: Wow, sounds weird... I guess. *sips coffee*
  • Best Friend: OMIGAWD! It's Chad Alphakid. He's coming this way!
  • *the normal girl and her best friend squee*
  • Normal Girl: *externally* That's Chad Alphakid. Who is he? He's only the hottest most coolest boy in this entire lame city. I've been crushing on him since I was like twelve.
  • Chad: Uh, okay.
  • Normal Girl: Did I just say that out loud!?
  • Chad: *sits at the table* Listen, I don't care what you or your friend think of me. I need help!
  • Best Friend: Have you murdered somebody?
  • Normal Girl: Do you need a girlfriend?
  • Chad: No, it's the ocean. The sound of her waves crashing against the shore is like a faultless siren song. There isn't a single night where I don't have visions of floating within her cold embrace. The allure of her boundless depths beckon to me like a lover. I'm afraid that if I don't get help soon, I'll find myself taken away by her to a fate unknown.
  • Normal Girl: *internally* Great, this is a chance to finally use my power to speak to cetaceans to my benefit! *externally* But why do you need us to help you?
  • Chad: You guys are the biggest fucking degenerate weirdos in this washed up town. If anyone knows how to deal with this, it's you two.
  • Best Friend: Haha, truuuuuu!
  • Normal Girl: I'm not a weirdo! I'm a completely normal girl.
  • Chad: Dude, you fucking talk to fish.
  • Best Friend: You do talk to fish.
  • Normal Girl: I don't talk to fish! *internally* I talk to cetaceans, they're mammals, not fish. Also, that's supposed to be a secret, dammit!
  • *at the shore*
  • Chad: Ah, Mother Ocean! Take me!! Take me!!! *attempts to run into the ocean, but gets held back by the normal girl and her best friend*
  • Best Friend: Simmer down, aqualad!
  • Chad: Why did you fools take me here, if not to release into the embrace of sweet Mother Ocean!?
  • Normal Girl: We talked it over and we decided that the best way to get you over your obsession is make you hate the ocean.
  • Chad: Does it involve you talking to fish?
  • Normal Girl: Yes, I mean no. I mean, fuck! Cetaceans aren't fish.
  • *the normal girl sits at the edge of shore, her eyes rolls up in her head as she proceeds to make fucked up porpoise sounds*
  • Normal Girl: *falls over limp*
  • Best Fried: She died.
  • Chad: Does this mean that I'm free to wade into Mother Ocean and meet my fate among her ever chaotic waes?
  • Best Friend: *lets chad go* Yeah, dude. I'm too far gone to care about things anymore.
  • Chad: *strips off all of his clothes* Good. I now understand that there was no avoiding this. This was always a forgone conclusion. My fate is with the waves. Sayonara, weird best friend guy.
  • Chad: *runs into the ocean*
  • Best Friend: *kicks the normal girl's body* Guess she really is dead.
  • Best Friend: *walks home as the night encroaches* My closest friend is dead, and Chad is probably dead too. I wonder where my fate lies?
  • Best Friend: *yawns* Maybe I should go to sleep and just dance myself to death finally. No, I don't think I could go to sleep even if I wanted to anymore. I'm probably going to die from exhaustion in the next few days, not having felt rest or comfort again. Or maybe I'll just stay awake forever. I feel like I was supposed to have an epiphany here, or some type of awakening. But, there's nothing. I feel like everything I've ever done has been pointless. God, I'm just really tired.
  • *back at the shore*
  • Porpoise: *beaches itself*
  • *a gray fleshy version of the normal girl crawls halfway out of the porpoises mouth*
  • Normal Girl: There goes my corpse! *drags her weird porpoise body towards the corpse* Why did I die with such a dumb expression on my face? Lame! I hope Chad didn't see.
  • Normal Girl: *looks around with beady eyes* No one's here. I can finally do this.
  • Normal Girl: *kisses her dead body on the lips* Blargh!
  • Normal Girl: *spits out blood* I bit my tongue when I died. Gross. I guess I can cross making out with my dead body and becoming a mermaid off of my bucket list, though.
  • Normal Girl: *sighs*

if you never hear of me again; i probably stabbed my geometry set square through my left eye and bled to death.

Junior cert brief summary of my exams
  • English: Holy shit. I actually finished the exam on time. I even have half an hour left! That wasn't that bad.
  • Irish paper one: *donegal accent* Dia Daoibh! Is mise Donal. Tá mé Adfuvnhtc Ghubjugv Birdingbury StAr WaRs *beep beep* Suddenly a car. Healthy eating comprehension. Okay grammar.
  • Irish paper two: strawberry jam on door, haha fuck you here you go have some áit cardiúil.
  • Geography: Tourist attractions in Ireland? Um.. Cliffs I think. Maps.
  • Maths paper one: God hates you
  • Maths paper two: God hates you even more. Oh! Also, here you go have some theorems. Shoutout to Gary and Róisin for measuring a tower with a shoe. Mark you're the real MVP.
  • Science: Carbon dioxide formula. Cool skeleton. Why does a rabbit have big incisors.
  • French: Je m'appelle Jacqueline. J'ai Adghifhj xetgbju feyvjufdr. Ooh note! Extremely adorable little boat bot thing. Mention your dog in the letter. They're your only family.
  • History: Renaissance fuck yes! Irish history? Please kill me. Mention some Bullshit about the war of independence. Um.. They used guirella war tactics? Ha, you thought Martin Luther and Christopher Columbus would be on that paper? hA hA hA, how adorable! Here you go have some people for history that you never learned.
  • My inner feminist coming out at the comments on women in the article on reformation.
  • Home economics: List ways to dispose of a refrigerator while protecting the environment. Name two teenage fashion trends. Mom jeans? How would I know I never leave my room. Write a letter to a shop on how they managed to fuck up your phone.

Welcome to the next post in my university advice series! I’m gonna give you some tips on choosing your college major, cause I have truly been through it:

  • Think about how/what you did in high school before you choose your major. By this I mean what classes did you do well in? Which ones did you actually enjoy? What clubs did you participate in? If you’re planning on being a math major but the only C’s on your entire transcript are in math classes, that’s not a good idea (@myself). If you enjoyed your government classes and debate club, consider something like poli sci. Going to college doesn’t mean you’re an entirely different person; you’re going to enjoy the same things and be bad at the same things. Take this into consideration when choosing your major.
  • Don’t be afraid to go in undecided. So many of my classmates in high school didn’t know what they wanted to do before going to school. Then I got to uni and no one knew what they wanted to do there either. Going in undecided is honestly way better than declaring a major, doing it for a year, deciding you hate it, and then having a year’s worth of useless credits (again, @myself). Go in, take some general requirements, take a couple electives in things you find interesting, and you’ll eventually figure out what you want to major in. Don’t stress about it too much. I promise there will be hundreds of other students who are undecided, too.
  • DON’T CHOOSE YOUR MAJOR BASED ON WHAT YOU THINK WILL MAKE MONEY OR WHAT YOUR PARENTS WANT YOU TO DO. Everyone says this, and I heard it a million times before I went to school, yet I still ignored this advice. Story time: at the beginning of high school, I was planning on going to a school where I could major in songwriting. My parents made it clear that that wasn’t going to be a lucrative choice at all, and various people planted the idea in my head that I should do something in engineering, especially since women of color are so underrepresented in that field. I took AP comp sci in senior year and decided I would just do that. If I couldn’t do what I truly wanted, I didn’t really care what I did instead, I thought I might as well do what makes money. Computer science is basically a few classes short of a math major, and I had spent the past six years complaining about how much I hated math. My first semester of college, I failed both calculus (a calculus class I had already taken in high school, mind you) and gen chem and got put on academic probation. My second semester, I retook calculus and passed with a D, passed my second lab science with a D, and only passed the intro computer science class with a C. I struggled with every assignment, every test, no matter how many hours I studied or professors I spoke to, I couldn’t do well. I spent a good chunk of my freshman year more depressed than I have ever been, and anxious about getting kicked out of school. It took a visit to my doctor to discover that STEM was not meant for me. In my heart, I knew that, but I thought I could push through to get my degree. But what would’ve happened then? I would’ve gotten a job I hated and been just as miserable. Basically, there’s no way that this will end well. Please choose your major based on what you’re passionate about. No matter how hard you try, you can’t make yourself love something you hate. Even if you excel academically, you’re setting yourself up for more unhappiness. It doesn’t matter how much money you have if you’re miserable. Please trust me on this. 
  • There’s nothing wrong with changing your major. Tbh, changing your major is great. You’re paying all this money to attend university, you deserve to study what you want to study. If you’re like me and discovered that your current major isn’t for you, change it as soon as possible. Don’t push it off and think “it’ll get better!” because before you know it, it’ll be senior year and you’ll either have to finish what you started or stay in school another two years just to graduate. I know it’s scary at first, but your mind changes! I swore to myself i would never change my major, and now it’s only my second year and I’ve transferred to a completely different school in my university to major in a completely different field. You can take a couple classes in the field before officially changing your major to make sure it’s for you. And if you change your major and still hate it, guess what? You can change it again! You can change your major as many times as you want. Many people in the work force have jobs in fields that have nothing to do with their degree, so it’s not like your major is a determining factor for the rest of your life anyway. Literally all of my friends who are about to graduate have both been on academic probation and changed their major at at least one point; one just changed his major during his fourth year. The point here is that nothing is permanent and change is going to have to be embraced if you decide college is for you.
  • People are going to judge you, especially if you’re in the humanities or arts. The reactions I got when I told people I was a computer science major versus the reactions I get now when I tell people I’m a gender studies major with an italian minor are so vastly different it’s ridiculous. People used to be so proud and impressed of me. Now when I tell people what I study, they can’t even hide their confusion and judgement. It’s so awful. I constantly get asked, “what are you going to do with that?” “how are you going to make any money?” “what job opportunities are in that field?”. The answer is always that I don’t know yet! I didn’t know when I was a comp sci major either, yet no one asked me then, because STEM professions are seen by our society as more valuable. All i know is that I want to help people. Whether that be through policy, law, psychology, non-profits, even my music, that’s what I want and that’s what I’m going to do. News flash, people! There’s no guarantee of a job no matter what field you’re in. There’s plenty of unemployed people with engineering degrees. Even on campus, people in STEM fields tend to be condescending and look down to us in humanities. I can’t even imagine the crap that art majors get. You have to learn to ignore the looks, the questions, and the sly comments, cause you’ll get a lot of them. Understand that what you’re doing is just as valid and important as anyone else. If it’s what you want to do, it’s inherently super cool!
  • I understand everyone can’t take my advice on this, and I’m sorry. Obviously some people don’t have the freedom to choose whatever they want to study. I have friends whose parents have threatened to literally cut them off if they don’t stay pre-med. Sometimes factors are outside of your control and that really sucks. What i want to say to you is that, again, nothing is permanent. Someday you’ll be financially independent, living alone, and won’t have to rely on your parents. Their opinions won’t matter. Even if you had to get a degree in mechanical engineering or bio, you don’t have to pursue that. At least not forever. You really just have to look at the light at the end of the tunnel. Your major in college does not define you or your future. 

I hope this maybe helped ease some of your worries concerning college majors! Remember what you want is what’s most important. Post on deck: advice on surviving orientation week (including move-in day and first day of classes)! 

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hey i made another one

it is low quality just like me

When your favorite TV show airs in the morning. (or if you just really hate school.)
^ ME