i hate kristen

Edward Nygma Vs Compulsory Heterosexuality

I’m gonna go ahead and preface this with it’s totally fine if you see Ed as bi, it’s very possible he is and I totally see it but, as someone who’s struggled with my orientation and spent a long time insisting I was hetero some of it really does seem like a gay man with compulsory heterosexuality at work. 

Also this is going to be a long post.

First off he likes Kristen, who is perpetually in a relationship (which is mostly likely due to the abuse she’s faced and that’s a whole other post) with someone or another and seems to spend a very short amount of time single. It’s very common for a gay person to subconsciously crush on someone who is unavailable to them, that way they can give themselves the illusion of being hetero without ever having to actually be in a relationship. He probably picked Kristen because of this (and the fact she doesn’t really like him at first, thus making her more unobtainable). Also because she’s cute, around his age, and is sometimes nice to him. She’s feminine and conventionally attractive, the perfect proof that he Likes Girls.  Honestly his work seems to have slim pickings as far as women to choose from. 

He claims that Kristen was the “love of his life” after only a few weeks together because his love for Kristen was merely a desperate attempt to cover his true self. He essentially, in killing Kristen, also killed his illusion of heterosexuality. 

The only reason he dates IsabellAH is because she looks just like his dead girlfriend. A combination of guilt and wanting a second chance is what causes that relationship to happen. She is someone who reminds him of the “proof” he had of liking girls. The one (1) girl he ever liked. When confronting Oswald about is he says something to the affect of him losing a chance at a “normal life”. A normal, heterosexual life. 

He never shows interest in another girl, in fact later on when Barb blatantly hits on him he completely ignores her and it’s not like she isn’t at least attractive in a similar way to Kristen and IsabellAAAHHH. 

Now I wanna look at his relationship with Oswald. This relationship is intensely complex and it’s hard to just boil it down into this post but people tend to act like it was totally one sided on Oswald’s part. If you look back Ed was the first one to be completely heart-eyes-emoji over Oswald. It was painted (by Ed himself) to be all about Oswald’s work as a criminal but it had some overt romantic undertones and the strong relationship carries on into the beginning of season 3. I personally feel that if he hadn’t met Isabella and had instead gone to dinner with Oswald and Oswald had confessed his feelings then, that Ed wouldn’t have reacted so strongly. He didn’t react negatively to Oswald being gay, but to him having killed his girlfriend (she is once again somewhat symbolic of his interest in women and so Oswald has essentially killed his heterosexuality). Up until that point he was full of riddles about love and saying things like “I would do anything for you”. He had a desire to protect, impress, and be equals with Oswald, which to me goes beyond the puppy-like feelings he had for Kristen or the guilt-filled weird thing with IsabellUHH.

Also he hallucinated Oswald seducing him with a romantic (and sexual) song and dance number. So definitely not straight, but that’s not really the point, the point of this post isn’t to proof he’s into men but to express that I see the way he interacts with men he’s interested in is very different than how he ever interacted with women he supposedly wanted to be with. 

Also little things that didn’t really fit into my main paragraphs about this:

  • When confronting Dougherty for the first time he asks Ed if he’s ever been with a woman and the reaction could be a regular one for a straight virgin but it could also be Ed being terrified that Dougherty will think he doesn’t like women. I’ve been in very similar positions before.
  • All of Ed’s obsessions after being the Riddler have been men. Jim, Lucius, Oswald. All of these rivalries seemed somewhat flirtatious or even sexual in nature. 
  • Ed’s entire storyline is about self discovery, about him being “who he always was” and that starts when he kills Kristen and he seeks Oswald out for guidance on it.
  • “My best friend told me that there is no me without him… he’s been a sort of guide for me on my journey”
  • “i know who i am it’s just how to be him that is eluding me”
  • like honestly just all of 3x15 just… go watch that and look at it as a metaphor for him accepting being gay

so I just saw the new the good place episode and according to michael in this ep they are at attempt 802. The longest period they stayed was 11 months, the shortest was 8 secs. But that was a butt reset so let’s just say 2 days for the sake of simplicity. That means on average they stayed for about 5 and a half months. 5.5 times 802 is 4.411 months or 367.6 years. 
Guys, they have been dead for almost 368 years!

this-too-too-sullied-flesh  asked:

fmk: "every letter" killian jones, "theoretically" killian jones, canon killian jones

RUDE.

like what…. how…….. ??!??!? this is not……. >[

Let’s go through this. So, canonically, there’s a lot of stuff that we are not privy to….. with Killian. We can certainly assume things. Like, I assume he’s good in bed because Emma’s glowing and boutta pounce on him like it’s going out of style. But there’s no way to know, in detail, how Killian is unless we stray from canon. SO.

Knowing, in very explicit and exquisite detail, just how good Theoretically!Killian is in the sack…. I got no choice. I gotta climb that motherfucker. Because, theoretically, he’s the best lay of the three. Makin me sweat rn.

Now. Unfortunately, the next bit makes me so very sad, because this is a SELFISH FUCKING DECISION OK… but I’m marrying Every Letter!Killian. My own Killian. How self-serving. BUT. OK. This boyyyyyy spent over a decade just pining and then flew across an ocean to be with her and never pushed her for anything, so… in summary, I hate myself.

Which means…….. that the ol’ canon sucker…….. is gettin the stabby stab. In all fairness, of the three versions, he is the most Problematic, because, you know, murder. IRL that’s a bit of a deal breaker for me. But, canonically, it’s also entirely possible to go to the Underworld and bring him back SO THERE. FUCKING THERE.

🖕

this was the worst

watching snl with my mom
  • Mom: *points to Kristen Wiig* is she a lesbian too?
  • Me: *muttering* i wish...
  • Mom: what?
  • Me: oh uh, heh heh, nope, just kate, kate's the lesbian. absolutely. the only one. just what i want. *starts sweating*
2

Books Read in 2017: Managed by Kristen Callihan

Take me, have me, love me. 

But I don’t need to say those things, because I know in that instant that she already does. On rumpled, linen sheets, she claims me, body and soul, and then offers herself right back. In that moment, I am no longer Scottie or Gabriel, I am something more. I am home. Finally. At last. Forever.