i hate how i sound when i explain things

anonymous asked:

Well. I don't know how to explain. Like: Steve in lace, trans!steve - just not my thing and yet I can't stop looking at it. I don't know - the trans!steve makes me sick and I love it at the same time, because you did a great job. Like I said, you confuse me and I love/hate it.

I don’t know if you meant your words to come off the way they did, but calling a trans person sick is extremely hurtful, and it sounds like you’re trying to be purposely cruel towards them when you say it. I have some trans friends and it breaks my heart to hear them referred to like this. 

It sounds like you have some transphobia and discomfort with breaking down gender norms. People often feel that way when confronted by something society hasn’t yet normalised. Our instincts tell us to distrust what’s different, but humans are not just a product of instincts. We have the ability to reason and rationalize and to overcome inappropriate feelings and urges that may be “natural” but are still lacking in compassion and morality.

I don’t want this to be a “call out post” that just shames you for your feelings. The fact that you’ve reached out about your confusion is encouraging. It’s likely you’ve never met anyone who is trans or gender fluid so the idea (and visuals) are new to you. 

I suspect the reason you’re fascinated by the manips is because Steve is someone you presumably really like, but he’s being paired with something that makes you feel uncomfortable. This forces you reevaluate how you feel about something you might not have thought about much beyond general discomfort. Cause it’s Steve. When someone you know and love is “othered” it forces you to look at the “other” differently because you now have to associate that category with someone you care for. 

That’s the whole point of the art. It’s a good “discomfort” because it makes you think and reevaluate and hopefully walk away more open minded after you have a chance to wrap your mind around it.  

In any case I’m glad you like the art and I hope this has given you something to think about.

A MOBSTER WITH A HEART {part 3 of CONNECTED}

The days after you found out about Jungkook’s family, you couldn’t think straight. You wouldn’t answer Seo Yeon’s calls because you felt like you were hiding something from him, and most days you went to the house, working on paperwork that had piled up.

Each of the guys passed your office with curiosity, peaking in from time to time to see what you were doing.

Y/N! We haven’t had sessions for like 3 days! Hobi exclaimed as you walked into your office to find him sitting in front of your desk.

Ah, I’m sorry, Hobi, I’m working on a lot. You murmured and Hobi shook his head leaving. The guys all congregated outside of the office and Jungkook looked at Hobi.

Any luck, hyung? The younger criminal asked and Hobi shook his head.

She has been ‘working on a lot.’ He repeated and air quoted. The guys all looked at each other with concern.

What’s going on with her? Jin asked, Jungkook sat there and felt every hair stand on end. Whenever his father killed someone or ruined their life in some way, Jungkook always worried about the family and friends. He wondered how the people surrounding that person would react and how it must be so difficult. For a long time, Jungkook had panic attacks because he worried about bumping into the victims’ family members. Sighing, he was finally living his nightmare.

I’m going to talk to her. Jungkook said, standing up and leaving the group of confused inmates. Walking into your office with a bit more hesitation, he saw you diligently working. Your eyes scanned the paper and then flickered up to the computer screen that was on your desk. Jungkook timidly walked up to your desk, and it was then that you looked up at him. Hey. He muttered and you nodded.

Hi. You replied, your face was not able to cover the bit of fear that flashed at Jungkook. He shook his head and sat down.

Can we talk? He asked and you grabbed your notepad. Off record? He continued and you placed the book down. It was like the tables reversed as Jungkook motioned for you two to sit at the couch. You sat in the chair and he sat himself on the couch. Taking a deep breath, he racked his brain about how to begin.

I was born into this lifestyle. My father used my mother as a bit of a birthing machine. That was her sole purpose. I don’t even know if she’s still alive, that’s how little my father cared for her. Jungkook started to recount his beginning. I knew that my life was different than most kids, but I can’t tell you how I knew that because I wasn’t allowed to be around other kids. My father was strict and very orderly. My life was planned to a T and I was destined to be the next leader. And that’s where it all falls apart. You looked at Jungkook with confusion as he stared at one area on the coffee table in front of him.

To be the leader of my family, you have to be ruthless, you have to be so selfish that you don’t consider people to be people, but rather things. Jungkook tried to explain his life in the simplest terms. The only thing that mattered was that we were making money. Our business used to be human trafficking and drugs, but now that we have more control, we are more about exploiting different services and wire fraud. He spoke eloquently about their business and he almost made it sound legitimate. You shook your head and he looked at you. But I never wanted any of that. You have to believe me. I hated seeing the pain on people’s faces when we ruined their lives and I hated how much my father didn’t care.

My father would get so mad at me whenever I showed any emotion, but I felt like it was horrible. Jungkook said and you finally found your words.

Your father didn’t like that you had a heart. You told Jungkook and Jungkook gave you a pained look.

If I had a heart, I would have stopped what happened to your brother. He murmured and you smiled lightly.

You were a child, so was I. Like you told me, it wasn’t your fault. You couldn’t control your father, and you really couldn’t at that age. You told him. What happened to my brother is something that needed to happen. He is a happy guy who loves everything in the world and I think he cherishes it more now because of what happened. Every day I wish I could take back what happened to him, but I can’t so I can only be grateful for who he is now. You told Jungkook who smiled.

That’s good to hear. Jungkook murmured. That he cherishes life. Jungkook specified and you shrugged.

He knows that even if you do the right thing, sometimes the world can still be cruel. You told Jungkook and he nodded knowingly. Reaching over you touched his hand. You can’t control who your family is, that is something you are born into, but what makes me relieved is knowing that even in that environment, you still have a conscious. You told him and Jungkook shrugged.

Yea, that’s why I’m in here. Jungkook muttered and you raised an eyebrow.

You’re in here because you have a conscious? You asked and Jungkook looked at you.

What is my crime? He asked and you looked back at your notes.

Money laundering. You said, which coincided with the business that Jungkook had described and Jungkook rolled his eyes.

When your brother said no to my people, they almost killed him. Yet I get caught trying to launder money? They said that the tip came from the inside, but the only thing that doesn’t make sense is that during the time they said I was laundering money, I was still in the States with my guards, working on finishing up my education. Jungkook told you and you stopped.

If you have that evidence, than how come the jury found you guilty? You asked and Jungkook shrugged.

Who’s going to believe a known son of the biggest mob leader in the country? He asked and you couldn’t help but agree with him.

So if you didn’t do it — You started to ask and Jungkook sighed.

Another guy wanted to take over, my father knows how difficult I am, I was pushing for him to break away from organized crime, and they thought the best way to get me out of the running is to put me in prison. So here I am. Jungkook looked around.

You looked at Jungkook. His family had almost killed yours. Your life was haunted by the actions of Jungkook’s father, yet you saw something in Jungkook that made you want to help.

I think we can appeal your case. You said to him before standing up and going to your desk to begin your research.

Sad Boy: The Musical

So i got some brain problems and im working on getting them fixed and i just kinda want to say some stuff about it. but TL;DR: If you are feeling sad or anxious or anything that is affecting your life and productivity or happiness please go talk to a doctor or therapist or even just some guy because it will help i promise you.

Heres the whole thing under  this break

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Can you please explain what the deleting thing is about? .. I really don't know what's going on but please don't be so damn weak! This is what the haters exactly want! You'll ganna let them win just like that? They just wanna piss you off .. I'm sorry if I misunderstood anything I'm just a bit pissed off by your weakness. I really love you and I hate when i see you like this.

Thanks for sending me this message, it really opened my eyes to how stupid I sounded on Twitter :’)! I just needed to calm down and everything got better.

lovethedales replied to your post “I THINK THE THING THAT PISSES ME OFF ABOUT THIS STORYLINE IS THAT WE…”

Yep, i feel your frustration Franny. It makes no damn sense

@lovethedales I don’t hate Robert, I just don’t understand the fella… At all. Like, Aaron and Liv know as much as us now… And that’s really made clear to me HOW LITTLE WE FUCKING KNOW.

When Liv asked Aaron “why?”, my brain tried to explain it to me (why IS he drugging Lawrence Franny?) and it came to the sound and solid conclusion that we (me and my brain) - like Liv and Aaron - have no fucking clue. Then Liv said, “but he doesn’t like Lawrence” - and I REALISED… THIS IS ALL WE HAVE TO GO ON WITH THIS WHOLE STUPID FECKING PLOT!!!!!!!!!!!

Originally posted by evilkea

Then my brain died… EDIT: and now I’m all alone in the world…

I tried to kill a child...

…or at least, that’s what the police think.

“Monster.” “Evil.” “Scum.” All of these words were thrown at me by the cops and the girl’s father as I was cuffed and loaded into the car. I was truly amazed at how much they hurt my feelings. I didn’t blame them for saying it. They had sufficient evidence to believe I did it. I would have said the same thing. Their words shouldn’t have stung that much. But I knew I didn’t deserve to hear such things. I was innocent.

Keep reading

Profits' Inner Turmoil

A couple of RP posts from Blank’s AU (Where Profits doesn’t kill himself and runs off with Blank)


He nodded, his hooves starting to fidget around with his glasses. He was nervous for more reasons than he could ever admit to but tried to play it off casually. “I just hoped he wouldn’t try to steal any of the classroom pets if they had any. Ahahah… He waaaas a troublemaker, absolutely. Did not help that he threw the biggest tantrum on his first day. He made quite a few scuffs on the walls and floors from fighting against going, and kicked his teacher and ran when I first tried to introduce him.” He slowly facehoofed at the memory of having to profusely apologize and how difficult it was to convince Slate to not only come back, but say sorry.

*

He tensed up, feeling like a foal again for a moment when he was hiding in his room and crying while he panicked over everything that was wrong with himself. He didn’t cry now but he was starting to choke up a little with his ears burning red hot. He couldn’t just not answer, but he couldn’t possibly admit it either. Once again his mind was looking for a solution, wondering what sort of thing Blank would say in this, how he might present information without it being a lie but without being the truth either. “I-I-I was– Wh–” He fumbled with his glasses, rubbed his own face a bit, then closed his eyes tight. “Thh–Thinking about c-c-colts mostly.” He looked like he just wanted to die, or run away, or like he was preparing to be rejected and yelled at or something.


*

Keep reading

Even when I knew I couldn’t trust you anymore, I could never stop myself from loving you. Even when I thought for a second that you didn’t deserve me at the end, I still felt like I deserved less than you because you were so perfect. It’s because I have given up so much of me, and I reached out and handed it to you. I don’t regret you, but sometimes I wish that I had walked away the first time my heart skipped a beat when I saw you. I should’ve just left it at hello because it’s too damn hard acting like you’re a stranger. I know your favorite lyrics in the songs you love, I know all of your camp stories that make you so happy, I know what makes you laugh hysterically, I know every mark on your beautiful skin, I know the movies and shows you like to watch when you’re sad, I know the expression on your face with every text you send, I know how much you love K Pop and Whitney Houston and dance videos, I know how your forehead wrinkles when you think or you’re frustrated, I know how you love coy fish and want so many fish that you would lose count, I know about the Elvis scar, I know every curve that your body makes, I know the things you’re allergic to, I know how much you hate horror movies, I know how much you love God, I know the way you curl up in a cocoon when you sleep. I know it all. I hope you never forget me. Please don’t. Don’t forget the songs that we listen to or the things we talk about on our 3 a.m. car rides. Don’t forget the laughs. Don’t forget the times we made up after fighting. Please don’t forget my laugh or the sound of my voice. No words can explain how one look made me stumble over my feet, and one touch made me feel like I was home. So now, everywhere you touched hurts. My heart hurts the worst because that’s what you touched the most. Everyone always says that a soulmate isn’t someone who enters your life peacefully. They make you question things and they change your reality. It’s someone who marks a before and after in your life. It’s someone who manages to revolutionize your world in a second. When you went, my heart scarred in every place you touched it. Every pretty word has turned ugly, every laugh has been replaced with staring at the wall for hours wondering if I was dreaming. You changed the way I viewed people and city lights and stars and fucking everything. My feet feel like heavy blocks that I can’t lift. When you went, I hated you and it hurt so bad that I couldn’t even cry at first. I’ve never been afraid of ghosts until you left me. Now I see you everywhere, and it has me wishing I never knew you existed. Someone told me that there are stars for ever scar that I have, so I guess you’re the sun because the one you left is the biggest. God, all I can do now is beg for you to kill me. Please just do it because I see you in everything and I don’t want to breathe.
—  You said you’d never hurt me but I’m on the floor bleeding and the knife is in your hand

The day you said you wanted to go out with me, I told you “I’m all over the place” to which you replied “how so” I didn’t have an answer then. I didn’t know how to explain. All I said back was “I just am.”

I overthink like crazy. Some days. I think of 23 different scenarios to everything. There’s always what ifs and if onlys. I couldn’t stop myself if I wanted to, my mind just wonders off. On the days when I don’t over think, I am reckless. That’s just as bad. I don’t think of the things that I say. I’m too tired to overthink. I don’t pay attention to if what I say sounds wrong. Don’t hate me for it please. I’m too damn loud. You will tell me not to yell, but I can’t help it. But please don’t tell me not to be loud in the first place. Let me be. I can go from 100 to 0 real quick. I can shut off immediately, sort of like a defense mechanism. I can be too quiet and you’ll ask why. I will tell you I don’t know. Most of the time I don’t know why. It’s the overthinking, again. I think of every problem there is out there. I make myself sad. Ask once, but when I tell you, please don’t keep asking every 10 minutes. All you have to do is love me the same as always, I’ll come around, promise. I can’t hold grudges for nothing. I mean nothing. I will try my hardest to, but I can not. No matter what it is, no matter how bad, I will get over it it under 5 minutes, sometimes 7. Don’t get me wrong, when I’m mad, I’m mad. I put up a fight, I won’t go down with out one. But if I win or lose, I’ll most likely cry in the end. But never in front of anyone. Except you of course. I’m super sensitive it’s unreal, just with my loved ones though, especially you. I hate fights with my family I’ll need you the most when I have those. But when I fight with you, oh my god. I feel the so lost and alone when I fight with you, your the one that loves me regardless, so when we fight it’s the absolute worst. I could cry for hours, for anything. Let me cry. Because I need to let it out, I neeeeed to, please let me. But I swear I’m the toughest person out there. I’ll make people believe I am at least. I try my hardest not to let things affect me. Yet they still do. Ask people if I’m strong. The ones who say yes don’t know the real me, kinda sad isn’t it? But you’ll know. I will get mad a lot. I get mad for anything, especially on my bad days. I feel everyone and everything is against me. Please don’t hate me for these days. Or the days I’m mad at you. Those days I’ll be rude and you know I’m hardly ever rude. I’m sorry. But you should know I’ll never love you any less. Never. It might not seem like I’m happy a lot, but the simplest things can make me happy. Anything. I love when you make me feel loved. Oh my god, it’s crazy how much love I need. I need it all. You give me exactly that. I would do anything to make you happy, cause you make me happy. I would give you all my love, every bit of it, I had it all saved up, just for you. Some days I’ll smother you with my love but others I’ll be less showing. I’ll still love you none the less, but just not show too much.
For reasons I do not know sometimes. Most times. But I would do what you asked, within reason. I don’t like being taken advantage of, which I know you wouldn’t. I’m veryy strict on respect towards women. When I say no, I expect you to understand. Sometimes I’ll say no, when I do, I don’t have to have a reasons. It’s my body, i choose what I do or don’t do with it. But know that it will slowly be yours. Please don’t rush me, that goes without saying. We will get there when we need to get there, not a minute less. I’ll get jealous, oh my I’ll get so jealous. There are two kinds of jealous for me. The first I will show a lot, when I don’t wanna lose you. I don’t wanna share you. But I do. I don’t want you to choose me over friends, but if you do, I’m more than ok with that. I won’t ask you to not go somewhere, I want youu to think and decide for yourself but I hope you choose me, always. As much as I try to be ok with it, I don’t like you being with girls. Simple as that. Unless you have no choice, but If you have a choice and you choose them, I’ll get jealous. The other type of jealousy you’ve never seen and I hope you don’t ever. It’s where its too much, where I see someone else can obviously make you happier than I can, as much as it would kill me. I’d let you go, cause that’s the kind of love I would give. Although that love might not be clear. I hope it doesn’t come to that. That being said. I would forgive and forgive and forgive, no matter how bad. Never forget but always forgive. But cheating is something else entirely. I’d forgive you, but I would not be able to be with you, no matter how much I loved you. Still love you. That’s that. A lot of what I do has to do with my parents. I was raise with lost of fighting going on. It made me who I am. I’ll tell you all my stories. I’ll tell you the long and the short once and I know you’ll listen. Even though I know you don’t want to. I’ll tell you all my pet peeves but I know I’ll regret it when you do them on purpose just for the fun of it. But you are the only one who can ever get away with it. Your the only one I’ll love regardless. I’ll give you everything I am, and I’ll expect it back. I do not want a perfect relationship, but I want a real one. I want you to do what comes naturally when your with me. I know none of this makes sense but I know it will take time and I hope you have lots of it cause I’m all over the place. But you probably already knew, with the past 2 years you’ve been living it.

—  Sincerely me

anonymous asked:

The thing I hated this episode was how when he was talking to demelza about how he came back to her, he made it seem as if she should be grateful! How dare he! So is really the ends of rhe whole love triangle thing? In your opinion, will we see him finally show us he truly loves only demelza next week?

Yeah I can’t believe I’m about to defend Ross but there is a huge disconnect between what Ross means to say and how he ends up sounding. When he tries to explain himself he sounds like a pompous ass. I think he was trying to explain to her that he chose her but it came out sounding just so douchey and ridiculous. Which is by no means a good excuse, I think its crazy that this grown ass man can’t even communicate with his wife but there you go.

As for the triangle, Ross chose his wife and Elizabeth now hates him. There is no future in that triangle. Hopefully next week we get the chapter long grovelfest that happened in the books, its one of my fave Ross moments