i hate how henry turned out

listen up this is why i hate this book the secret history 

  • goddamn HENRY WINTER (what kind of name is that jesus christ) who translated like three books before he turned 18 and plotted to murder a classmate using mushrooms (MUSHROOMS) knew jack shit about the moon landings
  • “when did this happen?? how did they get there???” i swear to god
  • francis abernathy with his even fancier name sitting on a windowsill eating cherries straight out of a jar 
  • admits he doesn’t even like them while still eating them
  • henry winter gardens?? what the fuck
  • these are the most pretentious fuckers on earth i hate them so much i love them so much i just
  • bunny corcoran is a pie thief someone report him to the authorities
  • endless supply of cigarettes goddamn
  • do we all hate bunny?? do we all love bunny?? who fuckign knows
  • bunch of fucking teenagers running around in bed sheets and shit in the vermont countryside 
  • did they actually have an orgy??? henry never answered that. i want to know
  • nobody tells bunny anything
  • nobody tells richard anything
  • nobody tells anybody anything
  • richard sitting there like a kid who walked in on his parents having sex when charles and camilla did the thing in the kitchen
  • did henry actually collect plants from around the murder site or did i dream that
  • richard: i love you. camilla: thank you. richard: i love you so much. camilla: thank you so much
  • pretentious fucks

anonymous asked:

One of Adam's firsts? Something he didn't have the chance to do as a kid because his dad thought it was a waste of time or money? Adam's first petting zoo/Aquarium? Adam's first amusement park? Adam's first, uh, airplane ride/vacay out of Virginia?

“We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” Ronan says, cautiously. Ronan is hardly ever cautious, which makes Adam feel even worse.

“It’s fine,” he replies flatly, drying his palms on his jeans. Ronan, as always hyper-aware of Adam’s hands, gives him a skeptical look.

“I can see that. Listen, it’s not too late to cancel.” 

Adam can tell both that Ronan doesn’t want to cancel, and that he would in a heartbeat.

“It is too late to cancel,” he says stubbornly. “We would lose the money.”

“I’m not exactly terrified, Parrish.”

Adam throws him a withering glance. “Some of us don’t have the ability to just dream up checks.”

Ronan shrugs. It’s not real, this sparring, Adam knows that, even though only a year and some change ago it would have devolved into an absolutely real and ugly fight. The calculated insolence in the set of Ronan’s shoulders means he’s putting on an act, pushing Adam’s buttons with the spoilt Aglionby prince attitude, in an effort to distract him from his nerves. Adam is a little awed – both at Ronan’s strange brand of thoughtfulness and at their ability to read each other so well. He guesses dating for a year will do that.

A year. He can hardly believe it. And yet they’ve lasted this long, in spite of demons, hit men, and the various obstacles of long-distance relationships. And that’s why they’re here, at an airport, waiting to board a flight to Paris for their first anniversary. Paris, of all places. That’s something else Adam can’t believe.

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i’ve been thinking about this for two weeks now and i know i will never have the time to actually get this au done unless i wait like… after i do two other multi-chapters (so like a year or two basically) but JUST HEAR ME OUT. long post. because do you really expect anything different from me at this point??? i’ve thought the whole thing out. this is basically a story outline rather than a prompt. lakjfhlkhj. guys.


(Do I have your attention?)

Emma and Henry move into this old house on the outskirts of this sleepy little town, Storybrooke, so that they can be closer to the woman who helped Emma get back on her feet a decade prior, Mary Margaret, Henry’s honorary aunt. The house is massive and could use some serious work but they got it dirt cheap because of some town myth that something terrible happened there to the original owners who lived there 200 years ago. Legend has it that there were strange, terrifying goings-on in the town for weeks, nothing anyone can prove though aside from some hokey old newspaper clippings hanging up in Granny’s Diner. Emma takes it all with a grain of salt. Henry thinks it’s awesome.

They slowly settle in, unpacking very gradually. Emma and Mary Margaret spend a lot of time trying to clean up the dusty, cobwebbed mess of the long-closed house while Henry escapes to explore. He startles when he hears something odd. The sound leads him to the attic, which is still stocked with countless items from those who lived there prior, stuff he can’t wait to dig into. But first he has to figure out what that noise is, and he’s excited when he comes across a fancy, but worn, leather box that has “Once Upon A Time” scrawled across the top. The noises stop. It’s a board game. Definitely something he can get behind after all the work they’ve been doing to the house.

He takes the game downstairs to his mom and MM and begs them to take a break and play a little, and they relent. The game comes with vague sort of instructions, that whichever player reaches the end first wins, yada yada, maybe a reference to happily ever afters being harder to seize than one would think. So they start.

And things get. Crazy.

I’m talking… beanstalks curling around the house and an ogre trying to break through and flying monkeys invading the town and fairies casting spells and magic beans opening portals and the Dark One coming after them.

And, of course, towards the beginning one of Emma’s rolls conjures a man from within the game. It’s Captain fucking Hook, or, as he explains to her, Killian Jones – the original owner of Emma’s home. The only reason Emma, Mary Margaret, and Henry survive as they do is because they have Killian to guide them through the chaos. He’s closed off, but opens up slowly as they go on, particularly to Emma.

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Flatmates - Ch. 3

This is a continuation from the prior two chapters of my flatmates AU fic.  If you haven’t read them, they are here [ch. 1] and here [ch. 2].  I’ve been really inspired by the writings and graphics of other users on here.  Ya’ll are amazing.  If you want to read on Ao3, the link is here [x].

Henry sat on the edge of the bed dressed for the day in his khaki slacks, his head in his hands, his fingers massaging his temples.  His head was pounding from a wicked hangover, and it had taken all his strength to make himself even halfway presentable.

It was a shame, he reflected, a real shame he hadn’t drank more.  Maybe then he wouldn’t have to live with the memories that kept seeping back into his mind.  The things he had said.  The things he had done.

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The Bucket List - Chapter 2

A/N I’ve fuddled with the timeline a bit so just go with the flow.  Please leave a comment if you enjoy. 

Emma’s first week in Birmingham was fairly uneventful. Henry didn’t come back to the Garrison all week, giving Emma time to think. Her school hadn’t started yet, so she had focused on working hard at the Garrison, unpacking her flat and finding a pair of shoes that could handle all Birmingham threw at them.

Emma spent her mornings in her flat, reading and writing letters home. She wasn’t overly homesick; but Emma’d be lying if she said she didn’t miss her dad and Mrs. Johnson. After she’d written the letters, Emma mailed them on her way to the Garrison. She worked hard at the books and keeping the pub moderately clean, which was a larger challenge than she anticipated. She worked till about 11 each night after which Harry took over for the stragglers. If she was being honest, Henry/Michael hadn’t left her mind since they last saw each other. No matter what she was doing the back of her mind was filled with him.

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This is a continuation of this fic inspired by @harritudur and @queenbessofyork’s wonderful flatmates au.

You all know the drill, enjoy it and have fun!
(I certainly did writing this)

“I’m going to kill you.” Henry muttered under his breath. His hand reached into his pocket to answer his buzzing phone. A new text from Rodrigo reminded Henry of the last two he left unanswered since the day of the Sunday roast at his new place.

Wtf Tudor? 
Since when Maud is your gf? 

Henry unlocked his screen to read the new text. 

Well are you going to fix this mess? 

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school shooting ft. ziley (friendship), larkle (friendship), mackle (friendship), rilaya (friendship), smilaya (friendship), rucas, smarkle, joshaya, zucas (friendship), clique six friendship, + riley & josh uncle/niece relationship

WARNING: this could be triggering, just warning you here.

It all happened so fast. One moment, Riley Matthews was walking down the hallway of her high school, arm linked with one of her best friends, Farkle Minkus, and the next thing they knew, everything was chaos. They saw Henry Edwards with a gun pointed at them, and Riley froze. It was Farkle that pulled her to the ground and shielded her with his body.

And then everyone was running, and Farkle was dragging her through the crowd to the nearest classroom. Her grip on his hand was so tight, but neither friend cared, they knew all that mattered was that they got to safety, together. But in the midst of all the craziness, Farkle felt Riley slip out of his grip, and instantly panicked. He turned around and she was nowhere to be seen.


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  • Regina: *finds a lead*
  • Regina: where's my Emma
Shotgun (3x12: New York City Serenade)

This one-shot is part of Twenty First Century Man, a series of canon compliant one-shots that explores Hook’s thoughts and feelings as he adapts to the Land Without Magic. Check out the master-post for a complete list of one-shots in this series.

Episode 3x12: New York City Serenade
Rated: G

Hook + modern transportation

Thanks to @dramawiie for suggesting modern transportation and @euphoric-melancholyy for suggesting first time in a car!

Hook stared at the back of the vessel, unsure of why the sight of it filled him with dread and helplessness. After all, it was just a piece of machinery, and while he was still new to the Land Without Magic, he felt that he was now accustomed to such things as cars. But there was something about Swan’s car that left him with a very unpleasant feeling he couldn’t quite place.

“I know that look,” Henry said as he arrived, carrying his rucksack. Was it called a rucksack here? “Avery’s mom won’t even let him ride in it.”


“Henry, stop,” Swan warned. She was carrying one last bag, and he was pleased to see she was wearing one of her leather jackets again. At least something was right in the world, as it were. “Let’s get the bags in the trunk, okay?”

“I’ll just keep my backpack with me. Shotgun!”

“No, come on, kid.”

“But you said it was an eight hour trip!”

“It is, but I have to drive and Killian isn’t sitting in the back.”

“Ugh, fine.” And with that, Henry pulled open a door, hopped in, and shut the door behind him.

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I keep ranting against the writing, but here I go again:

Does anyone else hit this point about an hour or two after Once Upon a Time goes off, or maybe a whole 24 hours later, when they aren’t even upset with the characters like they were, instead, they’re just upset that the writers are being paid to write something the most amateur of fanfiction authors can see is inconsistent and shoddy?

And measure each episode by how it could be worse?

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anonymous asked:

oq silly prompt? Id think this would be hilarious : Robin learns the definition of 'netflix and chill'

Much to Emma’s delight and Regina’s chagrin, Henry has taken it upon himself to teach Robin the ways of the modern world. Some lessons are more successful than others; he took to cooking over a gas stove very quickly, and if the toaster didn’t survive the first lesson, well…Regina was planning to replace it anyway, and Robin proved to be very adept at buffing scorch marks out of her countertop. As days turn into weeks, Robin settles more comfortably into living in Regina’s big house; one load of pink underwear – his, mercifully, not hers – and Regina no longer fears coming home to find her entire wardrobe has been shrunk down to baby Merry’s size. She drew the line at Henry teaching Robin to drive after coming home early from the office to find the two of them in her Mercedes. The blank look Emma had given her when she’d told her friend the story was more than enough to tell Regina that driving lessons weren’t entirely Henry’s idea.

It presented a bit of a moral dilemma, though; did she hash it out with Emma as Henry’s co-parent, or did she rip into Snow for not teaching her step-granddaughter proper manners and respect for the mayor’s property? These are problems she never could have imagined when she cast the curse.

Still, for the most part, Robin has been incredibly easygoing about adapting to modern conveniences. Putting together the crib was a bit of a sticking point, though. He’d planned to carve it by hand, just as he’d done Roland’s, but the baby’s arrival seven months early ruined that. Regina talked him into ordering one online from Ikea, and she’d give anything to have a photo of his face when he unpacked the boxes and tried to make heads or tails of the instructions. Henry walked him through with the help of videos on YouTube and a deaf ear to Robin’s colorful cursing at the Allen wrench. Now Merry is happily napping in her crib, surrounded by a mural of the forest that Robin painted on the nursery walls, as Regina watches the boys go over their homework.

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Read between the lines

(Because I believe that Zelena is convinced she can’t be defeated because Emma has lost her magic and that means there had to be some lip-to-lip action for our favorite pirate and his savior princess and this is the aftermath of said lip-lock.

Set after the new [by Adam&Eddia disapproved] sneak peek in the barn.)



When it comes to Emma Swan there are a few things a pirate who tries to woo her has to know.

Emma Swan is a stubborn, beautiful woman with a heart of gold that is slightly cracked, magic and trust issues as endless as his beloved sea is.

But the thing is, Killian Jones loves a challenge. And maybe in the very beginning he just fancied her because she is one hell of a woman and she’s physically very appealing to him but as soon as he got to know her, the moment he realized that they share some traits - a painful past consisting of broken hearts and promises - it has been impossible for him to see her as a mere object of lust.

The moment Emma Swan walked into his life Captain Hook died and the only thing that’s left of him is Killian Jones.

There is another thing Killian learned rather quickly. Emma knows what she wants and she is not afraid of saying so. But when it comes to Emma Swan and her feelings you have to be able to read between the lines.

Luckily, because they are so very much alike, he can do that.

It’s the things she doesn’t say that hold the most relevance to them.

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stepintomyworld  asked:

Prompt idea: there's a town festival and Regina is feeling left out and isolated because no one cares for her but right before she wants to leave Emma comes over and talks to her or leaves with her. Maybe beginning of them having feelings for each other :) thank you.

Thanks for the prompt :) 

Regina sighs as sits at one of the smaller picnic tables by the fair. She sits alone which is no surprise to her. She’s not really sure why she came. Henry asked her to and she leapt at the chance to spend some time with her son, not that she’s seen him yet since he ran off with a group of friends. Regina can’t begrudge him that, it’s good to see him make friends. 

She can’t help but feel lonely though, especially sitting here with a cold cup of coffee as she watches families and groups of friends walk by, everyone with someone, everyone happy and enjoying the fun and frivolity of the festival. 

Regina’s finding it impossible to enjoy. She’s never been a great fan of festivals due to her dislike of crowds but she told Henry she’d come. The smell of cotton candy is overwhelming and the happy families are beginning to make her want to cry. 

She won’t, not out here in front of the whole town. 

Instead she sits and sighs hating how isolated and alone she feels, wishing she had someone, even if it was just someone to say hello to her while she sits here. I may as well be invisible  she thinks sadly before standing to leave. 

There’s no point staying. No-one wants or needs her here. She’ll call Henry later to find out if he had a good time. Regina sighs as she drops her cold coffee into a nearby trash can ready to walk to her car when a familiar voice asks, “Regina?” 

She turns, barely masking her surprise as she sees Emma. For the first time today she smiles softly, “Hi…is Henry okay?” 

Emma nods, “He’s fine, queuing to ride the ghost train, dodging me to be with his friends. My parents are trying to make Neal enjoy the teacups so I thought I’d find you.” 

Regina frowns in confusion, “Why?” 

“Because if I had the choice of who I’d wander around this fair with, it would be you…but you look like you’re leaving…”

“I was,” Regina admits before looking up to Emma with a soft smile as she asks, “You really want to walk around a fair with me?” 

Emma nods, “Yeah, I do…maybe I can convince you to try some cotton candy? That or I’ll win you a stuffed animal.” 

Regina scoffs before smiling playfully as she replies, “I think you’ll find I’ll be the one winning you a stuffed animal.” 


Okay, one little fact that’s kind of important here is that, according to Yulin’s fic (Shipping It, Part II), James and Lily go public with their relationship a soon after Audrey wraps on The Lady-Ghost of Salem. So this fic takes place during the wrap party, and Jily… isn't quite public knowledge yet.

(And no I did not just google pictures of Sairus Graham to discover what color his eyes are. Or if I did, it was completely for the sake of RESEARCH.)

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The Future is Now-Chapter One

Okay so this is my first multi-chapter fic. I’ve had this idea for awhile and I finally decided that I wanted to try it out. It’s not very long but I’m still figuring out what exactly is going to happen so this is sort of just an introduction. I tried to stay pretty true to the characters so let me know what ya think. :)

Also this is intended to take place somewhere in the space between 4A and 4B, so the Robin/Zelena baby is not even known about yet and Emma and Killian are still sort of in the early-ish stages of their relationship. 


Emma knew she was dreaming.

If it wasn’t obvious by the fact that she was holding a bowl of perfectly formed ice cream in the middle of the forest, the boy jumping out of a tree and gliding to the ground definitely cleared things up.

He was a cute kid, with dark hair and big green eyes, dimples in his cheeks and a mischievous but endearing grin.

Nope, she thought, not cute, adorable.

By dream world logic, Emma thought it would be prudent to share her ice cream with the kid. She held it out, expecting him to take it. He wrinkled his nose.

“You know I hate that kind.”


One eyebrow rose. Wow that seemed familiar. “I hate chocolate ice cream.”

“Who hates chocolate ice cream?”

“I do. You know that.”

“How would I –“


Emma and the boy turned to see a figure running toward them.


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Walking Out Into The Dark (6/6)

Emma is the Dark One. Killian is a Captain in the Navy. Henry just wants to get back to Storybrooke. Finally complete! This is my S4 Season Finale spec fic that I started in March. Special thanks to always-comment-on-the-mutton and kiralamouse for running head canons with me and helping me sort through the plot! It is a 10000x better because of you guys.

On ff.net. Part 1  Part 2  Part 3  Part 4 Part 5

onceuponsomechaos did an amazing beta on this chapter and I promise that all the best feels are all her fault.  

Time seemed to have sped up, everything happening too fast to process. Returning the Captain’s heart, watching the light dawn in his eyes, the sudden cries and flashes of blue jackets in the woods, and Henry’s shout jumbled together. It all crystallized in the moment the Captain jumped in front of an arrow, tumbling into her before they crashed together into the ground.

Emma responded on instinct. Her magic surged and knocked the attackers off of their feet. A second burst of magic brought them all back to her library, her mind automatically taking them to where she felt safe.

Henry rushed to the Captain’s side the moment they arrived in the castle.

“Killian?” Henry’s voice was unnaturally high.

Emma struggled to control her pounding heart and whirling thoughts. She looked down at the wicked arrow sticking out of his right shoulder. With a rush of relief she realized the injury was not fatal. Painful perhaps, but nothing her magic couldn’t easily cure. Relief was quickly followed by anger. Anger at her emotional response. Anger at the Captain for making her feel so much. It was just an arrow; there was no need for him to let his heroic impulses take over. She wasn’t helpless or downtrodden, she was the Dark One, and she didn’t need him saving her. She didn’t need anyone.

The Captain attempted to lift his face from the floor but stopped with a groan.

“You can fix it right?” Henry patted his uninjured shoulder and looked at her with pleading eyes.

“He will be fine,” she snapped, her voice harsher than she intended. "I will heal him and then you two heroes can go find someone else to save.”

With firm hands, she grasped the smooth shaft of the arrow and pulled it loose with a quick jerk.

The Captain cried out as his back muscles spasmed and blood oozed unnaturally from the wound. Emma’s eyes widened at the black substance mixing and coagulating with the blood, the bright red with strains of black reminding her of his heart. Her heart picked up speed as she examined the arrowhead. The metal dripped with a black sludge she had taught herself to recognize on sight: dreamshade. It was deadly, rare, found only in Neverland, and the only poison capable of killing her. Jumping in front of the arrow hadn’t been useless heroics, it had saved her life.

“No. No. No.” Her heart refused to acknowledge what her mind was telling her. “Not like this.” She wanted him gone; she didn’t want him dead.

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