i hate fart jokes but here we are

SHIT MY BEST FRIEND SAYS:

  •      ❝ I came here for hot guys and all I see is old farts! ❞
  •      ❝ I hate work, but I hate being home with this bullshit more. ❞
  •      ❝ Do you think bagels look at donuts like we look at supermodels? ❞
  •      ❝ I’m starting my diet today! Wait, tomorrow. I want pizza really quick. ❞
  •      ❝ Ding dong! I mean, wait…What’s the joke? Oh! Knock knock! ❞
  •      ❝ I mean, I would fuck you. ❞
  •      ❝ Teach me your ways! ❞
  •      ❝ I downloaded Tinder. So if I disappear one day it was one of my matches. ❞
  •      ❝ Run Simba! ❞
  •      ❝ I just took the best poop. ❞
  •      ❝ I watched that video while pooping. ❞
  •      ❝ She doesn’t even like dinosaurs! ❞
  •      ❝ Think about the food! ❞
  •      ❝ Okay, remind me to remind you. ❞
  •      ❝ Please come drink with me… ❞
  •      ❝ Was it a nasty poop or a satisfying poop? ❞
  •      ❝ You’re white and angry so just like write a strong worded letter. ❞
  •      ❝ I love you dumbass. ❞
  •      ❝ Let’s go to a boy band concert. Or fuck a boy band… Oh wait, both! ❞
  •       ❝ Let’s just get a shitload of plants! ❞
  •       ❝ I miss you so much it hurts. ❞
  •       ❝ I need to go to the gym, but honestly I would rather die. ❞
  •       ❝ No. Stop. Be happy! ❞
  •       ❝ Bitch, you take forever. ❞
  •       ❝ You drunk ass. ❞
  •       ❝ I wish my life was an anime. ❞