i had to see for myself

Harvey Weinsten sexually Harassed Lupita Nyong’o

Lupita: “I have been following the news and reading the accounts of women coming forward to talk about being assaulted by Harvey Weinstein and others. I had shelved my experience with Harvey far in the recesses of my mind, joining in the conspiracy of silence that has allowed this predator to prowl for so many years. I had felt very much alone when these things happened, and I had blamed myself for a lot of it, quite like many of the other women who have shared their stories.

But now that this is being discussed openly, I have not been able to avoid the memories resurfacing. I have felt sick in the pit of my stomach. I have felt such a flare of rage that the experience I recount below was not a unique incident with me, but rather part of a sinister pattern of behavior.

I met Harvey Weinstein in 2011 at an awards ceremony in Berlin, while I was still a student at the Yale School of Drama. An intermediary introduced him to me as “the most powerful producer in Hollywood.” As an aspiring actress, I was of course eager to meet people in the industry but cautious about strangers, and the intentions of men in general. So I tried to vet this famous producer by asking my dinner-table companions what they knew of him. A woman who was a producer herself cautiously advised me to “keep Harvey in your corner.” She said: “He is a good man to know in the business, but just be careful around him. He can be a bully.” And so I exchanged contacts with him in the hopes that I would be of consideration for one of his projects. I wanted to keep things professional, so I made a point of referring to him as “Mr. Weinstein.” But he insisted that I call him by his first name. In this first encounter, I found him to be very direct and authoritative, but also charming. He didn’t quite put me at ease, but he didn’t alarm me, either.

Not long after we met in Berlin, Harvey wrote to me inviting me to attend a screening of a film — a competitor’s film similar to one he had produced. He said we would be watching it with his family at his home in Westport, Conn., which was not far away from New Haven, where I was living at the time. He would send a car to pick me up. I accepted the invitation.

The driver and I met Harvey in the little town of Westport, where he informed me that we would be having lunch at a restaurant before getting to his home. I did not think much of this. It was a busy restaurant, and as soon as we sat down he ordered a vodka and diet soda for himself. I asked for a juice. Harvey was unimpressed with my choice and told the waiter to bring me a vodka and diet soda instead. I declined and said I wanted the juice. We went back and forth until finally he turned to the waiter and said, “Get her what I tell you to get her. I’m the one paying the bill.” I smiled and remained silent. The waiter left and returned with a vodka and diet soda for me. He placed it on the table beside my water. I drank the water. Harvey told me that I needed to drink the vodka and diet soda. I informed him that I would not.

“Why not?” I remember him asking. “Because I don’t like vodka, and I don’t like diet soda, and I don’t like them together,” I said. “You are going to drink that,” he insisted. I smiled again and said that I wouldn’t. He gave up and called me stubborn. I said, “I know.” And the meal proceeded without much further ado. In this second encounter with Harvey, I found him to be pushy and idiosyncratic more than anything.

We got to his home after lunch and I met his domestic staff and his young children. He took me on a brief tour of the house before he rounded us all up in the screening room to watch the film. He had just produced a similar film of his own, but everyone was raving about this rival version.

I settled in for the film, but about 15 minutes in, Harvey came for me, saying he wanted to show me something. I protested that I wanted to finish the film first, but he insisted I go with him, laying down the law as though I too was one of his children. I did not want another back-and-forth in front of his kids, so I complied and left the room with him. I explained that I really wanted to see the film. He said we’d go back shortly.

Harvey led me into a bedroom — his bedroom — and announced that he wanted to give me a massage. I thought he was joking at first. He was not. For the first time since I met him, I felt unsafe. I panicked a little and thought quickly to offer to give him one instead: It would allow me to be in control physically, to know exactly where his hands were at all times.

Part of our drama school curriculum at Yale included body work, using massage techniques on one another to understand the connection between body, mind and emotion, and so I felt I could rationalize giving him one and keep a semblance of professionalism in spite of the bizarre circumstance. He agreed to this and lay on the bed. I began to massage his back to buy myself time to figure out how to extricate myself from this undesirable situation. Before long he said he wanted to take off his pants. I told him not to do that and informed him that it would make me extremely uncomfortable. He got up anyway to do so and I headed for the door, saying that I was not at all comfortable with that. “If we’re not going to watch the film, I really should head back to school,” I said.

I opened the door and stood by the frame. He put his shirt on and again mentioned how stubborn I was. I agreed with an easy laugh, trying to get myself out of the situation safely. I was after all on his premises, and the members of his household, the potential witnesses, were all (strategically, it seems to me now) in a soundproof room.

Earlier Harvey had sent the driver to the store to buy a boxed collection of “The No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency,” an HBO show that he had produced. This was the project he thought I would be right for, he said. (I later found out that the show had not been on the air for some time.) As I prepared to leave his home, he presented it to me. He wanted me to check it out and let him know what I thought. He would be in touch about it. I left for New Haven with his driver.

I didn’t quite know how to process the massage incident. I reasoned that it had been inappropriate and uncalled-for, but not overtly sexual. I was entering into a business where the intimate is often professional and so the lines are blurred. I was in an educational program where I was giving massages to my classmates and colleagues every day. Though the incident with Harvey had made me uncomfortable, I was able to explain and justify it to myself, and shelve it as an awkward moment. His offer to me to be a part of the HBO show was a very attractive one and I was excited about it, especially as I would be graduating in another year. I didn’t know how to proceed without jeopardizing my future. But I knew I would not be accepting any more visits to private spaces with Harvey Weinstein.

I decided to invite Harvey to come to a production I was in at school. Perhaps that way he would really see what I had to offer, and he would see my colleagues, too. He accepted the invitation, but the night of the production, he sent a message saying he had been caught up in New York and would be unable to attend. He would make it up to me. So when I received an official invitation to a staged reading of his new Broadway show, “Finding Neverland,” I was not surprised. I was still debating whether I should accept his invitation, and so I responded saying I was not certain that I could make it because of my school schedule. He responded with exactly the words I needed to hear: Come with whomever you want to come with. And so I invited two of my trusted male friends.

We attended the reading, and afterward Harvey invited us all to a restaurant for dinner with his comrades and collaborators. He sat me next to him, and another actress sat across from me. He had my friends sit at a different table. The talk was shop the whole time and Harvey held court with ease. He was charming and funny once more, and I felt confused about the discomfort I had previously experienced. I looked at the actress who I was informed had just worked with him on a project, searching her face for any sort of indication that she too had been made to feel uncomfortable by this powerful man, but of course I saw nothing. We did not stay very long because we had to catch a train back to New Haven. My friends had been equally charmed by Harvey. He knew when to turn it on if he wanted something. He was definitely a bully, but he could be really charming, which was disarming and confusing. I left feeling that perhaps he had learned my boundaries and was going to respect them.

A couple of months later, I received an email from Harvey, inviting me again to New York for a screening of “W.E.” After the screening, we would have drinks in TriBeCa. I then received a phone call from one of his male assistants to arrange my transportation. Feeling more confident about the new sense of boundaries that we had established in our last meeting, I attended the screening on my own this time. Afterward, as planned, his male assistant arranged for me to get to the Tribeca Grill, where Harvey would be joining us. I met a female assistant when I arrived there. I was expecting that it would be a group of us, as it had been for the reading, but she informed me it would just be Mr. Weinstein. She would sit with me until he arrived. She seemed on edge, but I could only imagine how stressful it was to work for a man who had so much going on.

Harvey arrived and the assistant immediately disappeared. We ordered drinks and starters. Again he was offended by my nonalcoholic beverage choice but he didn’t fight me on it as hard. Before the starters arrived, he announced: “Let’s cut to the chase. I have a private room upstairs where we can have the rest of our meal.” I was stunned. I told him I preferred to eat in the restaurant. He told me not to be so naïve. If I wanted to be an actress, then I had to be willing to do this sort of thing. He said he had dated Famous Actress X and Y and look where that had gotten them.

I was silent for a while before I mustered up the courage to politely decline his offer. “You have no idea what you are passing up,” he said. “With all due respect, I would not be able to sleep at night if I did what you are asking, so I must pass,” I replied.

His whole demeanor changed at that point. “Then I guess we are two ships passing in the night.” I had never heard that saying before, so I remember asking him what it meant. “It means just that,” he said. “We are two ships going in two different directions.”

“Yes, I guess we are.”

“So we are done here,” he said. “You can leave.”

We got up, having not eaten anything, and he led me out of the restaurant. My heart was beating very fast. A cab was hailed for me. I said I would take the subway (I could not afford a cab at the time), but he handed me some money and told me not to be silly, take the cab. Before I got in, I needed to make sure that I had not awakened a beast that would go on to ruin my name and destroy my chances in the business even before I got there.

“I just want to know that we are good,” I said.

“I don’t know about your career, but you’ll be fine,” he said. It felt like both a threat and a reassurance at the same time; of what, I couldn’t be sure.

I did not see Harvey again until September 2013 when I was in Toronto for the premiere of “12 Years a Slave,” the first feature film I was in. At an after-party, he found me and evicted whoever was sitting next to me to sit beside me. He said he couldn’t believe how fast I had gotten to where I was, and that he had treated me so badly in the past. He was ashamed of his actions and he promised to respect me moving forward. I said thank you and left it at that. But I made a quiet promise to myself to never ever work with Harvey Weinstein.

Not long after I won the Academy Award in 2014, I received an offer to play a role in one of the Weinstein Company’s forthcoming films. I knew I would not do it simply because it was the Weinstein Company, but I did not feel comfortable telling this to anybody. I turned down the role, but Harvey would not take no for an answer. While at Cannes, he insisted on meeting with me in person. I agreed to do it only because my agent would be present. In the meeting, he was honest about intending to persuade me to do his movie. I told him I simply did not feel it was a role I needed to play. He said he was open to making it bigger, more significant, maybe they could add a love scene. He said if I did this one for him, he would do another one for me — basically guaranteeing backing a star-vehicle film for me. I ran out of ways of politely saying no and so did my agent. I was so exasperated by the end that I just kept quiet. Harvey finally accepted my position and expressed that he still wanted to work with me at some point. “Thank you, I hope so,” I lied.

And that was the last of my personal encounters with Harvey Weinstein. I share all of this now because I know now what I did not know then. I was part of a growing community of women who were secretly dealing with harassment by Harvey Weinstein. But I also did not know that there was a world in which anybody would care about my experience with him. You see, I was entering into a community that Harvey Weinstein had been in, and even shaped, long before I got there. He was one of the first people I met in the industry, and he told me, “This is the way it is.” And wherever I looked, everyone seemed to be bracing themselves and dealing with him, unchallenged. I did not know that things could change. I did not know that anybody wanted things to change. So my survival plan was to avoid Harvey and men like him at all costs, and I did not know that I had allies in this.

Fortunately for me, I have not dealt with any such incidents in the business since. And I think it is because all the projects I have been a part of have had women in positions of power, along with men who are feminists in their own right who have not abused their power. What I am most interested in now is combating the shame we go through that keeps us isolated and allows for harm to continue to be done. I wish I had known that there were women in the business I could have talked to. I wish I had known that there were ears to hear me. That justice could be served. There is clearly power in numbers. I thank the women who have spoken up and given me the strength to revisit this unfortunate moment in my past.

Our business is complicated because intimacy is part and parcel of our profession; as actors we are paid to do very intimate things in public. That’s why someone can have the audacity to invite you to their home or hotel and you show up. Precisely because of this we must stay vigilant and ensure that the professional intimacy is not abused. I hope we are in a pivotal moment where a sisterhood — and brotherhood of allies — is being formed in our industry. I hope we can form a community where a woman can speak up about abuse and not suffer another abuse by not being believed and instead being ridiculed. That’s why we don’t speak up — for fear of suffering twice, and for fear of being labeled and characterized by our moment of powerlessness. Though we may have endured powerlessness at the hands of Harvey Weinstein, by speaking up, speaking out and speaking together, we regain that power. And we hopefully ensure that this kind of rampant predatory behavior as an accepted feature of our industry dies here and now.

Now that we are speaking, let us never shut up about this kind of thing. I speak up to make certain that this is not the kind of misconduct that deserves a second chance. I speak up to contribute to the end of the conspiracy of silence.”

I’m so happy Lupita shared her story and I have so much more respect for her and commend her for sticking by her morals. It’s disgusting that Harvey would even try something with her while his kids were in the other room, what a sick bastard

A Whole Year of Sanders Sides

Description: It’s been a whole year since Sanders Sides started, but Virgil hadn’t yet been introduced. Here’s how he feels about that, and how the others make him feel more included. 

Genre: hurt/comfort

Word Count: 1,329

Ship: platonic/familial LAMP

Warnings: very brief and not at all serious mention of m*rder. just in case

A/N: i suck at formatting dialogue and i wrote this super fast so it’s not my best work. hope ya’ll enjoy it anyway

“Can you believe today is the day we were introduced to Thomas’ fans? It’s been a whole year!” Roman exclaimed causing the other three to look up at him.

Logan merely hummed in response; a thoughtful look on his face. Virgil pulled up his hood, and shrunk into his hoodie. Today was not his day. They tried their best to avoid introducing him to the fanders because he wasn’t wanted back then. He had to force his way in, and that really hurt. His day wouldn’t be until December. Not like the others will care very much.

“That’s awesome, kiddo! We should celebrate! Ooh I’ll make cookies!” Patton yelled as he scurried into the kitchen.

Roman chuckled as he watched him go then plopped himself down in between Logan, and Virgil. Virgil turned away, and prayed to god that he wouldn’t talk to him. Virgil’s prayers never really get answered unfortunately.

“What’s up with you, edge lord?”

Virgil sighed, and shrugged hoping that would suffice as an answer, but Roman was never that easy to fool.

“Something’s clearly wrong. Come on talk to me.”

“It’s stupid,” Virgil mumbled, and shrunk further into his hoodie. “Just forget about it.”

Roman scoffed, and placed a hand over his heart as if he was offended.

“Please, Virgil. You should know by now that we’re not going to forget about something if it’s troubling you.”

“Really? You forgot that today’s not my day so why wouldn’t you?” Virgil mumbled under his breath. Roman raised his eyebrows at the younger side as he turned to fully face him.

“Virgil you have to speak up. I can’t hear you.”

Virgil abruptly stood up startling the two sides. He took a deep breath, 4 7 8, before turning to face them.

“I said you forgot that today’s not my day! My day’s in December because you guys wouldn’t let me be apart of the videos! I had to sneak away, and force myself in! I wasn’t..I wasn’t wanted so today’s just a grim reminder of that for me. But whatever. Have your fun. I won’t be a bother.”

Virgil’s yelling brought Patton out of the kitchen to see what was going on, but it was too late. Virgil had sunk down to his room. Patton turned to look at the two shocked sides on the couch, and frowned.

“We’re.. awful!” Patton cried. Logan immediately stood up, and laid a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“No, Patton. Roman, and I are the awful ones-”


Logan gave Roman a quick glare before continuing, “You always tried to include him in things. We were the ones keeping him away at first. Just.. let us talk to him, okay?”

Patton sniffled, and nodded as he sat down on the couch where Logan once was. Roman gave him a small smile before standing up, and facing Logan.

“To Anxiety’s room?” Roman asked.

“To Anxiety’s room.” Logan confirmed.

And with that they sunk down together.

Once they popped up in Virgil’s room they took a moment to collect themselves then started to call out for the anxious side.

“Virgil, please come here. We wish to speak with you.” Logan tried.

Just as Roman was about to try Virgil popped up on the stairs, and startled the both of them.

“Didn’t you idiots learn anything about coming into my room?”

Logan cleared his throat, and adjusted his tie as he spoke, “Yes, well we don’t plan to stay very long. We’ve only come to retrieve you so we may all talk in the common room.”

“Yeah, not happening. Just go celebrate, or whatever you’re doing. I’m fine.”

“Ugh, Virgil. Come on. Stop being so stubborn, and just talk to us. We’re sorry we forgot, and we’re especially sorry we even put you through all of that in the first place! Truly. What we did was awful, and we deeply regret it. You’re a good friend, nay, you’re family! Please just believe that, and let us explain ourselves before I lose it! I’m not feeling very glittery right now, and I don’t like it!” Roman ranted, and frantically looked between the two sides.

“Roman is correct. We are family, and sometimes family messes up. Sometimes family shun each other for being different, or even kill each other! Wow, okay, sorry, but my point still stands. Ehh, sort of. Look, everyone makes mistakes, and we’re trying to fix those mistakes!” Logan added on. Virgil looked at them as if they had three heads, and noticed the darkening eyeshadow underneath their eyes. Yep, time to leave.

“God, you morons. Come on. Deep breaths. We’re getting out of here.”

“Four seconds..”

“Seven seconds..”

“Eight seconds..”

Virgil slowly sunk down as the other two did, and popped back up in the common room with them. Patton immediately stood up, and tackled Virgil into a hug so forcefully that they toppled over.

“I’m so sorry, kiddo!” Patton cried into Virgil’s shoulder. Virgil chuckled, and patted him on the back.

“It’s fine, dad. You were always there for me.” Virgil replied, but still felt tears forming in his eyes. Logan, and Roman exchanged a guilty look.

They both walked over to the pair to help them up. Roman pried Patton off, and Logan offered a hand to Virgil who reluctantly took it.

An awkward silence filled the air once they were all standing. Roman decided to be the brave one to break it.

“We truly are sorry, Virgil.”

Virgil shrugged, and pulled his hood down so he could look at all of them better.

“Yeah, whatever. It’s fine.”

“We will make it up to you.”

Virgil turned to look at Logan incredulously, but smiled nonetheless.

Before they knew it December 19th rolled around. The day Virgil first appeared in a video.

“Virgil! It’s your day!” Roman yelled as he practically dragged the younger out of his room, and sunk down to the commons.

“Geez, Princey. Give a guy some warning before you go dragging him around.” Virgil grumbled with an amused smile on his face to show he wasn’t actually annoyed. No, in fact he was thoroughly enjoying this.

Once in the common room Virgil had to bite back a gasp at what he saw.

“Impressed?” Roman teased, “It was all my work. You’re welcome.”

Before them was a huge blanket fort, one big enough for four people to be exact, and a ton of snacks. The tv played the menu for Virgil’s favorite Disney movie: The Black Cauldron. He’s seen it about a million times, but it’s the thought that counts. They thought of him. Today was his day, and they actually cared.

Before Virgil could stop himself he tackled Roman into a hug, and almost allowed himself to cry. Roman merely chuckled, and held Virgil as close as he could. They only broke apart when the other two came into the room, but Virgil was nowhere near done with his hugs. He tackled Patton next as he whispered, “Thank you dad.”

“Aw it was mostly Logan, and Roman, but I’d do anything for you kiddo! I’m glad you like it.”

With that Virgil pulled away, and turned to look at Logan. Logan smiled, and opened his arms. Virgil gratefully fell into his arms, and this time he let himself cry. This time he let the hug go on for much longer. Not that either of them minded. Logan, and Virgil rarely ever hugged each other, or anyone really, so this was nice.

Once they finally pulled apart Patton pulled Virgil down into the pillow fort, and wrapped his arm around him. Roman played the movie, and sat on the other side of him. Logan sat down next to Roman.

Patton turned to Virgil, and asked, “This isn’t too overwhelming is it, kiddo?”

“No. It’s perfect.”

And everything really was perfect. It had been a whole year of self discovery, love, and acceptance. A whole year of Virgil, and his family.

A whole year of Sanders Sides.

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Loki Imagine - Tortured

Your P.O.V.

A task as simple as breathing felt nearly impossible. My lips were open and I tried to breathe in, but barely any air entered my lungs. My throat was sore and I could taste the irony, disgusting flavor of blood on my tongue. 

It couldn’t end like this..

Desperately, I tried to crawl away from this dark place, who knows what it was. All I knew was that it was cold, so cold I couldn’t feel my bare feet anymore. It was also really dark but a light was somewhere there, far away. The ground beneath me was hard and it felt rough, like stones. 

I grabbed onto the ground, leaving bloody fingerprints after me as I did my best at getting myself out of this nightmare. My legs weren’t much help at all as I tried to kick myself further away. Everything hurt. I couldn’t name a spot on my body that felt fine.

‘‘No..’‘ I whimpered sadly, tears running down along my face. By now, my entire body was trembling. I was afraid I would die after that awful torturing. What if I’d never see Loki again?

‘‘L-Loki..’‘ I whispered my boyfriend’s name. It caused my heart to swell and a sob to escape my lips. It hurt. Oh, it hurt so much. As I used my last energy to move, I screamed. My fingertips started tingling and a little light appeared, highlighting only a few things around me. 

Yes, Loki had taught me a few little magic tricks but I wasn’t as near as good as him. As I was held captive, my hands had been inside some metal balls so I couldn’t use my powers. It was frightening. The things they did to me were even worse.

I tried to brush it off my mind, hoping I could focus on my escape. I shut my eyes and it was so tempting to just sleep. Yes, I wanted to push my boundaries, light up my path and get away from here but I couldn’t. I was exhausted. All this pain got the best of me.

The light vanished from my hands, fading into thin air with a few sparkles. I looked at them until it was completely dark, cold and quiet. My weak body was just left here to die, all alone. I thought of Loki, hoping he could be my last thought, although it broke my heart and soul to think about. 

  Just as I gave up hope, I heard footsteps. Fear crawled back to me as I opened my eyes. Were they here again to torture me? Would they take me back to that cold hellhole? 

I grunted in pain as I lifted my head and looked towards the light. I was lightheaded and my head was pounding terribly. Then I saw some people in front of the light. At first I thought there was just two people there but then a third one got ahead of them. For me, it was just a shadow because my vision was so blurry.

‘‘Y/N!’‘ A voice yelled but at first, I didn’t hear it quite well.My head hit the ground again because I was too weak to keep myself up. ‘‘Y/N!’‘ The person repeated themselves, sounding awfully familiar. The man had a raspy, deep voice. It filled me up with hope.

All of a sudden, I felt someone dragging me on their lap. My head rested against their shoulder and strong arms held onto me tightly. I forced myself to open my eyes and look at who it was, although I had my doubts. Immediately, I saw a pair of forest green eyes looking into mine. Then I saw his dark, long hair, his parted, pink lips. It was all confirmed in my mind then. It was Loki.

‘‘No, no,no…Y/N..how did this..happen..’‘ Loki muttered words underneath his breath as he examined me. He looked sad, which was awful to see. His eyes were glossy and honestly, Loki was shocked. So was I. But at the moment, I could barely keep my eyes open.

Loki looked at my barely clothed body, a look of disgust and anger appearing on his face. My entire body was bruised and I had deep wounds here and there. Dry blood had stained my skin and some wounds were still bleeding. Loki probably noticed the dark blue bruises, resembling fingerprints. He shook his head no as he let this all sink in.

Seeing Loki like that made me feel sorrowful and even guilty. My eyes felt heavy and I couldn’t fight it anymore. My heavy eyelids just slid down and I dosed off, a little more eased because I was in Loki’s arms.


It had been five days since Loki and his guards had found me. They had taken me to the castle and given me the help I needed. A maid had told me that Loki had used his magic to keep me alive. Although I woke up only a few minutes ago, I barely remembered how I woke up. Everything had been warm and comfortable. It’s like I was in my own little cloud.

But then maids had rushed to me and another one ran outside, probably to inform Loki. The warm feeling vanished and it was replaced my pain. I held my breath as I sat more comfortably on the bed I was on. As I looked around, I recognized that I was in Loki’s room. How strange. Where did he sleep if I was in a coma in his bed?

The maid beside me was telling me all kinds of things but after a while, I couldn’t pay attention anymore. I felt wistful. All I wanted was Loki. ‘’Miss Y/N, what’s wrong?’’ One of the maids asked me. I turned to look at her slowly. ‘’Where’s Loki?’’ I asked her quietly, my throat incredibly dry so it was hard to speak. 

‘‘He’s..’‘ She began but didn’t continue. Instead, she looked at a guard who stood by the door. It was confusing and I grew a little nervous. The guard nodded and the maid sighed, turning back to me. ‘‘Loki left four days ago. He and a few soldiers, also Thor went searching for whoever did this to you. We’re not sure when he’ll be back’‘ She let me know with her soft voice. It filled me with a dozen emotions. 

Tears stung my eyes once again. A shiver ran down my spine as I nodded and looked at my wounded hands. It all came back to me. The world around my closed and I could feel myself being in the cold room, chained to the wall as the monsters hurt me. It was so dark that I couldn’t see if they were Asgardian or out of this realm. 

‘‘Miss Y/N’‘ Another maid spoke, snapping me out of my flashback. I flinched as I looked at the blonde in front of me. ‘‘Loki will return soon. You must relax and heal’‘ She smiled at me. I knew her intentions were good but they kind of pissed me off as well. I just nodded politely and then leaned against the green and black pillows. They smelled like Loki, which made me feel a little bit better.


‘‘Is she awake?’‘ A rushed man asked someone, causing me to wake up once again. My eyes got used to the lights in the room quickly, because it wasn’t that bright. By just glancing outside, I could tell it was evening. The door opened, which caught my attention.

Loki walked into the room, making everyone else go out. My heart skipped a beat as I saw him. Loki was dressed in his golden armor with the green suit underneath. He dropped his headpiece on the floor, not caring about it at the moment.

‘‘You’re safe now’‘ Loki was the first one to speak. He tried to smile but it was a fake one. I nodded as my hot tears fell down my eyes. Loki magically made his armor vanish as he walked over to me. He got in the huge bed so he could be as close as possible.

For a moment, I didn’t care about my pain. I had been asleep for five days so I considered that enough rest. So I wrapped my arms around Loki’s waist and held onto him tightly. Loki wasn’t the type of man to fall for anyone or be this sensual nor caring. He spent such a long time of his life being alone and misunderstood that I was surprised he let me in.

It took him a couple seconds to hug me back. It felt good to be in his arms. He pulled me on his lap once again, which he liked to do. That’s when I let myself weep, allowing the tears to escape. Loki held me as I cried my heart out in his arms. But it was good to let out all that pain. I had been terrified and the worst part of it all was that I feared I’d never see Loki again.

‘‘They can’t ever..hurt you again, little one. I took care of them’‘ Loki whispered to me as I started to calm down. Of course, I knew what he meant by that. Loki wouldn’t have been pleased to see them in jail. He had taken matters into his own hands and killed them. Who knows how Thor let him do that, but we could discuss that later.

‘‘Thank you’‘ I whimpered and then looked up to him. I got a good look of him for the first time. He had dark circles underneath his eyes, messy hair and tears gathered in the corners of his pretty eyes. I cupped his face and then took a deep breath.

‘‘I thought I lost you’‘ Loki admitted quietly, almost like he didn’t want me to hear it. Hearing such words leaving his mouth was hard. It made my heart ache. ‘‘And I thought I’d never see you again’‘ I replied as quietly, now unnoticingly playing with his black, messy hair. I still loved the way he looked. 

I just had to understand that I was safe with him again.

Sigh, one of those days; being a wheelchair user in public is tricky.

Today, as I was about to put my wheelchair in the trunk (a vulnerable thing, I make it look easy, faking well, but it’s hit or miss if I can actually lift the thing or not and it can take me a couple tries), a man silently and quickly came towards me and grabbed my wheelchair and put it in the trunk.

I was RELIEVED to see his intentions of kindness, I threw my hands to my heart, and thanked him but when I got in the car I was shaken because it made me flashback to the vulnerability I felt when I was mugged and physically assaulted.

Someone seeing me in my wheelchair by myself knows that I can’t get far without it, knows I’m physically vulnerable…

I think it might’ve been better if he had asked from a distance if I needed help, I’d have declined the offer in consideration of my safety.

As usual, I don’t mean to imply that it’s bad to help people but I would hope people would just have some more consideration, to ask before putting their hands on someone else or someone else’s stuff, to ask if they would like help first, sometimes getting involved without consent can actually be harmful, it can cause injury if I have a handle on something and it is snatched in an effort to help.

Here are some tips:

  • Ask if someone needs help before getting hands-on
  • Don’t get pissy if your offer to help is declined
  • Don’t make awkward jokes and/or mock wheelchair users about “speeding, ya got a license for that thing?” and “it’s a miracle!” when an ambulatory wheelchair user stands up
  • Don’t say “What’s wrong with you?” or “What’s your affliction?”
  • Don’t say “Good for you! Getting out and doing stuff!”
  • Don’t cry and say “I’d kill myself if I were you!” or “You’re so inspirational” at the mere sight of us, implying that our lives must suck.
Human resources

this summer I had a small party at my home on lake minnetonka
this was a group of people from the company I run.
i was a nice turn out. I was very happy to see that our HR lady and her husband had come.
She is the cutest girl next door type. 27years old, Mom of 2 (very much a milf) Blonde, killer body, very sweet and very good at her job.
I question myself often why i hired someone so sexy
Her husband and I found each other talking over a couple of beers.
He leaned in “ i have to be very bold and ask you a question and i may be too forward ?”
i was a little puzzled “ok..shoot”
“Tina says the rumor is that you and your wife are swingers”
i smiled and took a drink of my beer “well .. that is a bit forward… and as long as this stays between your wife, you and me”
i chuckle at that .. it sounds a bit far fetched, but am very curious to see his reaction
James was nodding
“yes” a pause “yes we take part in that sort of lifestyle”
“ i must ask… do you and tina also enjoy swinging?”
“well .not yet.. we have just started exploring. for her sweet innocent look her has always been a kinky girl”
he takes a long drink of beer “She has admitted that she has found you attractive”
i smile"I will admit also i do find her awfully sexy" adding 
“My wife and i would be happy to help the 2 of you explore..any questions and help we can provide”
being he host I am in need a mixing and excuse myself
the rest of the day goes by filled with sun, fun, food and drinks. and a few glances from the HR lady 

Monday comes and as i walk down the hall Tina enters the building. smiling as usual.
“good morning Tina”
“good morning Mr C.” smiling
then a bit quieter “can you come see me in my office?”
crap i think to myself .. she and james talked and things are gotten messy
i smile “ of course”
i watch as she hurries down the hall to her office.
i notice she is wearing a skirt. we have a relaxed dress code and normally she wears jeans or leggings
i knock at her door and enter.
Tina steps to me. reaches past and locks the door
she looks down a bit .. her cheeks flushing.
“james sent you a thank you for the party”
relief “oh ok..but why the door?”
she lift her skirt a bit and takes my hand “he sent you a pie”
my hand touches her soaked panties “ a cream pie” she moans 
my cock rock hard at this moment
“well… i would be rude of me not to enjoy it”
i back her to the edge of the desk. kneeling in front of her i can see her panties are a mess.
she pulls them down for me
oh her pussy is lovely. shaved bald and covered in cum.
dripping cum
“this looks delicious” i moan as i start to enjoy the pie brought for me
and did i ever enjoy. her juices and his cum tasted wonderful.
and it wasn’t long until her hands were on the back of my head holding me to her pussy.
her hard clit in my mouth as her hips bucked. My HR lady trying to stifle the sounds of her climax.
both of us regaining our composure as i stood.
“tell james he makes a wonderful pie”
i turn to head out the door “Tina .. please stop by my office at the end of the day.. i really should send a thank you back to James”

So the days i see Tina come to work in a skirt i know she has brought a wonderful fresh pie from james
which i am happy to enjoy and repay at the end of the day by send his wife home with a nice pie for him

Things have changed...

After reading many of the me too posts I was so sad and hurt how many women have had this happen. Things I read never would cross my mind to do to someone.

I found myself thinking that if I liked someones post or made a comment of being proud of an accomplishment, even though it was posted for all to see, that it could be taken the wrong way. This is just me overthinking things. Still, after reading what too many women have gone through I would not want anything i was doing as just being polite to be taken the wrong way. Hell I still open doors for people.

As the week has gone on, I find myself coming to tumblr and even my instagram less. When I do scroll tumblr I’m not sure what feels less pervy, lurking or actually liking a post or selfie.

And that’s when I realized things have changed at least for me. Since joining tumblr in 2010 this is the first time that I find myself with not much to say, or at least being cautious about it. While I may lurk from time to time, basically I’m not going to be around much. 

Be kind, listen to great music, find something that makes you happy and if you ever get really bored and think “ I wonder what Kevin is doing?” Rest assured I’ll be playing golf somewhere, eating sushi or playing my drums.

Teammate panties (by Anon)

I am in my 40s and married. I do a lot of obstacle course races throughout the year and have a group of friends as teammates. One of our teammates is younger than myself about 13 years. She is also one of my workout partners and is also married. I find that she is extremely hot and would love to see her naked.
One day we had a party at their house and while everybody was busy I went to use the restroom and found her dirty clothes pile. In it was a freshly change pair of panties that was still damp and smelled beautiful. I could not help myself and proceeded to jack off in her bathroom while sniffing her panties.

— Thank you for sharing 💋

“I Can’t Sleep” -Julian x MC



I couldn’t sleep…my nose was stuffy and my throat was sore…My forehead felt like it was burning.

“Ugh…” I dragged myself out of bed into Mazelinka’s living area. That’s right- I was still here, but…something weird happened. I had felt Julian’s presence right next to me all night and for a long while his arm had even been wrapped around my waist, but somewhere in the night he seemed to have just disappeared.

When I stepped into his view, Julian looked surprised to see me. It was odd seeing him with his bare hands, and quite frankly…the thought of it sent chills down my spine. He was sitting by a fire and seemed to be in deep thought. His red hair gleamed in the bright light of the flames.

“What are you doing up?” I asked him, groggily.

I heard a small snicker escape from between his lips and he reflected my question: “I think the bigger question is…what are you doing up?”

Julian’s brow raised in suspicion as I headed over and sat next to him- closely.

“I can’t sleep.” I said, staring blankly into the fire. I looked at Julian’s eyes. “Now, you answer my question: what are you doing up?”

A frown pulled at Julian’s lips as his grey eyes trailed away from my own and lit up in the fire.

“Just thinking.” Julian said.

“That’s vague…” With a little disappointment, I tore my own eyes away from him and managed to keep them on the fire, even though his look was quite mesmerizing. There was something about the surprise of a warm touch despite his cold look that made butterflies rebel in my stomach.

“…” There was a moment of silence before Julian finally spoke again: “I wonder…what will happen…What will happen if they catch me? What will happen if I swing from the gallows like everyone wishes for?”

“-!” For some reason, that pulled an instinctive punch on his arm from me. “Don’t say that!”

Julian let out a hefty laugh, tossing his head back as his chest moved up and down. I felt my cheeks radiating heat.

“It’s not funny…” I pouted.

Julian’s hand slid behind me in a sly manner- like his arm was embracing me; it only made my cheeks get warmer.

“It’s funny, I believe you’re supposed to be helping the palace catch me, aren’t you? Yet you’re here hiding away with me in a beloved friend’s house.” Julian’s grey eyes didn’t stray from the fire.

I hugged myself, my fingers digging into my own skin through my clothes as they clutched my arms. A small shiver escaped from me even though we were right in front of the fire. I noticed out of my peripheral vision that Julian’s attention had turned to me just slightly.

“I knew you were cold…those clothes are still wet from that fall in the crimson river you had.” His arm wrapped around me and tugged me closer to him.

I stayed quiet- it was just peaceful, despite the allegations…What can I say, I just felt safe with Julian. It sounds like a cheesy romance movie but I can’t shake the feeling that his ability to make me feel such a way proves his innocence.

The light was flickering on us as we watched the fire, blinking shades of yellow in the fine details of our faces. It was silent for around five minutes.

“Why can’t you sleep?” Julian asked me.

Instinctively, I sniffed. “I think I’m sick.” I confessed. I let out a groan as I wiped my nose with my own arm. “Ugh, those stupid cobblestones…they were slippery…”

“And so they were…” Julian’s voice echoed in my ears as his hand trailed up to my temple, his fingers intertwining with strands of my hair. Once again, I expected his touch to be cold- freezing even, but it was just warm.

I let my eyes close slowly. It seemed I was getting sleepy by effect of delicate touch. Another smirk sounded from Julian. “You should lay down.” he said.

I really didn’t want to, I really didn’t want to end up falling asleep in his lap but it sure seemed to be going that way.

I soon found myself falling, being unable to hold myself up by the minute and sinking deeper and deeper into Julian’s embrace. My eyes shut sleepily, I let blackness take over.

I felt like I was floating, my limbs just stayed still. I could feel the chills generated by the emotional tension creeping up in my body. Something told me…just like Portia had told me, everything was going to be alright…

After only a few seconds I started to hear soft words- was Julian…singing to me? The sound of it made my heart thump; it sounded like some sort of lullaby but I couldn’t make out the words.

I felt his fingers delicately tugging at my hair, gently massaging my scalp. It wasn’t long before I was drifting off into a deep sleep; things seemed okay- we seemed okay. Julian was…definitely not the dastardly roach everyone claimed him to be.





I hope you guys enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed writing,

-Max 💜

P.S. I love Julian-

Trick or Treat

Samperv Halloween Challenge! 

I stared in the full length mirror letting out the breath I’d been holding. I was dressed in as a sexy gangster. I was wearing a black and pink, pin striped halter dress, with tie and cuffs. I had black thigh highs, heels, and a hat.

Tara came out of the bathroom dressed as a sexy witch. “Ope, is going to lose his shit when he sees you.”

I rolled my eyes. “He doesn’t even know I exist, he only has eyes for the porn star. I need to stop kidding myself, and move on.”

“Trust me (Y/N), he sees you.” She wrapped her arm around my shoulders. 

I let out a sigh. “Let’s go, I just want to get drunk, and maybe find someone to spend time with.”

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anonymous asked:

Yo Fam Hows Life?? Do you think that you could Write a small Fic about Chick Meeting cruz for the first time? Please? I need this cuteness in my life

Life is suddenly moving very, very fast O.O Tomorrow I’m going to another country for the first time, all by myself, and all that jazz. Thanks for asking XD

So yeah, let’s see some Cruz and Chick interaction. Let’s see who out-does the other after the Florida 500.

“What’s her name again?”

“Cruz. Cruz Ramirez.”

Chick stared at his assistant as if he was speaking a different language. The retiree was to present the trophy to Cruz in Victory Lane in five minutes, and for the first time, he had nothing - no background, no race history, nothing to bring up and discuss.

“You could just give her the trophy, congratulate her, and drive off-stage.” the forklift offered. “That’s what most presenters do.”

“No, no, no.” Chick shot him down immediately. “This is being broadcast through my studio. I have to get as much dirty laundry out to my viewers as I can.”

His assistant just shrugged and started to drive back to their reporter’s trailer. “You’re on your own then.”

Chick grumbled under his breath and made his way to the back of the stage. A race official gave him the trophy without so much as acknowledging him, further dampening his mood. For there being so many other cars around celebrating his life’s sport, he felt isolated and ignored. He missed being the star of the spotlight. Being a presenter and show host just wasn’t the same.

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I was born with red eyes, and I’ve been through a lot because of that, but I… never considered myself unfortunate. Thanks to these eyes… I came to understand how cruel and despicable people can be… but that also allowed me to appreciate true beauty. All you have to do is look at things from a different perspective. Once I realized that the things we usually take for granted are really miracles, I came to see everything in its precious, ephemeral beauty. I love this world.

Happy birthday, @k-amui! (♥ω♥ ) ~♪

anonymous asked:

Does it truly matter if the main characters (Sangwoo & Yoon Bum) aren't shipped together and that I read Killing Stalking for the story/plot? I am asking because some of the girls I mentioned that I don't ship and read the comic for the plot ended up giving me hate. So I wanted your opinion on my experience. I mean... It's only a few people and not everyone. But it kind of bothers me.

I ran into this question quite some time ago when I first started my blog, back when I had a limited understanding about what shipping really was. Based on what I’ve seen, there is a little bit of shipping in almost every fandom, and some take it more seriously than others.

As you can see, the ks fandom is one of those fandoms with their share of adamant shippers.

I myself read ks for the plot, and its okay if you do too. You are not obligated to be apart of the Sangbum train. And if along the way you decide to, there is nothing wrong with that either.

In my opinion, shipping shouldn’t be another thing to create disputes in fandoms. We should just learn to accept others views and interests.

If those girls gave you hate over such a trivial preference, than just simply ignore them. No matter what you are, a shipper or non-shipper, there will always be hate. If it’s on Tumblr, block them. In real life, simply ignore them.

TAYLOR! I want to thank you for inviting me to your Secret Session in London. I’m not sure why you chose me, I just know I’m ETERNALLY GRATEFUL. It´s honestly one of the nicest things anyone´s ever done for me. Thank you for trusting me. Thank you for holding my hands in yours. Thank you for listening to every word I had to say. Thank you for being the absolute sweetest when you noticed I was shaking. Thank you for knowing who I was. I was such a rambling mess when we met, so I forgot to tell you a few very important things:

  • I love that we´re both joyful and enthusiastic people. YAY FOR ENTHUSIASM!
  • I love seeing you so happy!
  • You remind me how important it is to choose and embrace happiness. Thank you for that.
  • Thank you for reminding me to be kind myself.
  • Thank you for inspiring me every single day.
  • I´m so proud of you!
  • I love you so so much!
  • I love reputation! 
  • I cannot wait to see you on tour!

Nakano Broadway! I knew I had to stop by here after it was featured on an episode of Digimon Universe/Appmon. And as luck would have it (???) it was plastered with Digimon advertisements!! (For the new Cyber Sleuth game.)

So, they called it something different in the anime, but in episode 45 of Appmon this is where Haru meets Agumon in an AR field, having gone in by himself after Eri and Astra (and Yujin??) got mobbed by fans.

So when I was walking up and saw that Agumon in the first photo out of the corner of my eye I was like. NO. FREAKING. WAY. I really thought I was seeing things, or had slipped into an AR field myself ahah. So cool! Coincidence???

Anyway. I am really happy to add this area to my large mental roster of Digimon locations in Tokyo. I still can’t believe there has been a new Digimon series airing this whole time, a GOOD one, and it took me this long to find it. Please watch Appmon!

I’m such a loner. I go through my Snapchat and I see people hanging out with their friends or whoever and I’m just alone always. I go to work, I go on runs, I go grocery shopping, I go to coffee shops to read and write, I’m always by myself. But then when I’m around people I wish I was alone. It’s just such a lonely feeling to wish you had more friends but when you try to make friends, you wish you were alone.

Mental Illness in RB and other books

Anna initially in her first conception when i was a teen/kid was just someone who was like me but like, really cool and had a sword, so when I read these older manuscripts I always see this very uh, sassy, and sarcastic anna who does all these wicked cool things and then just, bursts into tears, which is what I guess I thought was a very complex character at the time

over the years it changed and when I went to uni and started having major mental health problems, I changed Anna into a more empathetic version of myself, who had the same issues that I had both as a teenager without realising what they were, and as a young adult.

Mental illness became an important part of the main characters’ lives, both good and bad, and just, the awful. I didn’t want to like, sit down and name names for each “potential” illness, it was always meant to just be a collection of symptoms that could be universally fit into.. well a lot of illnessess. It was meant to be as murky and confusing as it is in real life, and on a more confronting levels, the things that caused it, or that brought it to the surface.

So Anna is this weird swirling mass of contradicting symptoms and conflicting issues, she’s easily panicked and suffers anxiety but she displays powerful impulsive urges, she feels worthless and feels she deserves better, she feels she is too emotional and not emotional enough, etc etc. (Loki and other characters to a lesser extent also display typically neuroatypical symptoms, but because its all largely from Anna’s perspective, the focus is mostly on her). Which may not seem “Realistic” but was very much how I felt growing up and transitioning from teenage into adulthood, and i am sure a lot of people feel.

Obviously, I couldn’t ever make the “Universal” mentally ill character which everyone relates to, that would be impossible, and a fool’s errand (heh), but i did strive to create someone who was very similar to me, which might be a benefit to someone else like me.

nyeisha95  asked:

I was watching the reactions for the episode from the YT channel BlindW@ve, I was really worried cuz they have had instances of not liking Iris before, only in season 1 tho, they have like her ever since season 2 and one of them even admits that she is one of his favorite characters now, but I was afraid tht they would bash her in this ep. 1/2

But I was pleasantly surprised, they were confused at first, but then in their discussion they talked abt how you can’t invalidate her feelings and tht they know she is gonna get hate but tht they feel it is unwarranted and unecassary, they didn’t feel like she was being annoying. It was so nice to see two white men say tht, their comment section tho, is full of Iris haters, I had to refrain myself from responding to all of them. 2/2

I’m glad there are people out there who realize Iris’ feelings are valid. Iris is allowed to feel some type of way that Barry just left her and left with a damn smile on his face without even talking to her about it first, which may be what hurt the most. 

A Normal Day (Sanders Sides)

It happened on October 19. Virgil, Logan, Roman, and Patton didn’t know what was so special about that day.

It just…happened.

One day, they were all as normal as possible. 

The next, Virgil couldn’t see himself in the mirror, Patton could reach the cookie jar Logan had put up where he couldn’t reach it, Roman could become anybody or animal he wanted without acting or playing make-believe, and Logan could clearly hear the other Sides saying an endless monologue about their daily lives.

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