i had to make the last two black and white

3

Patterns, refs, and more+

So this con season I made myself Pidge and a Shiro paladin costumes to wear, with pretty good results. The worst part of it though was the amount of time I spent drafting patterns, so I figured this might be a good resource for anyone else looking to make armor in the future.

This is all based on my measurements (a 5′1″ average-ish build with… bigger thighs), so you’ll likely need to make adjustments to have this fit yourself, but hopefully this makes building your own cosplay a little easier. Materials, patterns and everything under the cut. Hope it helps!

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What I Never Knew I Wanted (4/?)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warning: Umm so far nothing?

Bucky’s wife is pregnant, it’s everything he could have ever wanted. But being an Avenger and a new father is one hell of an act to juggle. When panic sets in he can turn to Steve and his wife, but why did it look so easy with their twins? The late nights, the days gone, something are just worth it right? But like hell will Bucky let anything come between him and his family let alone let anything harm them in any way.

A/N: There is Blue Stick Crossover in this Series, so if you haven’t read The Blue Stick highly recommend it!!

@fandomobsessivee  @zxcorra @killjoycametofuck  @sebbaevans @humanandangel @allthingsmarvell  @yumna97 @chrisevansthedoritobastard   @holahellohialoha  @almightyunnie @imamotherfuckingstar-lord  @iwillbeinmynest @letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked @goodnightwife @irepeldirt  @yourtropegirl  @bellejeunefillesansmerci @buckyb-avengers  @winterboobaer  @mrhowardstark  @rileyloves5 @ria132love @buckyappreciationsociety @fab-notfat


Originally posted by multi-fandom-imagines13

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hello-shawnaa-world  asked:

I'm so glad you feel the same way I do. I literally got blocked by two pages last night because I was expressing my opinion. Just because one black person is offended doesn't mean we all are. And if you pay attention under the comments , white people and asians as well are speaking for us. If we had a problem we'd say it. I don't appreciate another culture telling me what my culture doesn't like. I'm African , straight off the boat lol. And I'm not triggered. It honestly makes no since.

^

High school sweet-snob: Hoseok

Originally posted by sweaterpawsjimin

Jin - Yoongi - Hoseok - Namjoon - Jimin - Taehyung


Hoseok x Reader

Gender: Male x Female

Genre: Angst, fluff, smut.

Warning: (A/N) This is so badly written.

Word count: 4271.


____________________________________________________________

“Wait,” a voice chuckled through the static and the clicks and hits of shaky hands holding the camera.
“What did you say?”

“When I grow up, I’m going to be a husband!” A small voice chimed.

“Who’s husband?” The voice asked, stifling a laugh.

“Y/N’S!”

“Oh, and what about you Y/N?”

“I’ll be his wife!" 

-

The wind, with all its might, pushed you back as hard it could, but you powered through.
Body swinging side to side as you rode your bike in the open field that contained a beautiful river that glistened in the sun, only it wasn’t so beautiful when it beamed right in your eyes.
You could feel your body growing tired and if you could you would have stopped and taken a break, but the clock was ticking and so was your attendance.
If it was not for your flat tire you would be now well before time at school, but at last.

Cursing under your breath you began to stand up from your bike, hoping it would help but it did everything but.
The sound of a motorcycle slowly roared from behind you and before you knew it you had stepped off you bike and had been coughing your lungs out. You didn’t have to look who it was, yet you did.
Before the motorcyclist had completely disappeared, you caught a glimpse of a hand waving at you.
Groaning you stepped back on your bike and continued to cycle.

"Every time.”  You muttered under your breath.

Finally you made it at your school, with still a good amount of time before the bell would go off.
Rolling into the school’s court you directed your bike to the biking stalls.
The moment you came into the biking stalls your face fell in a grimace, there where anything other than bikes where meant to be stood the culprit that made your morning always just a little bit more hard to bare.
Deciding to ignore the man who was practically eating away the face of his passenger you passed the two by as quietly as possible, however little did you know that the man had noticed you, looking at you while he was devouring the leftovers from last night also known as his one night stand.
Locking your bike you began to walk out of the biking stall, doing your very best to ignore the two students arms reach away from you.

“Hope you had a great night.” You rolled your eyes internally.

“I had,” You felt your stomach coil.
“Thank you Hobi~” You felt the hair on your skin rise and you were positive you would be throwing up if they kept on the act.
A slight breeze mixed with the smell of vanilla and something familiar passed you by as you watched the petite female turn around and give her one night stand a last flirtatious wink, completely disregarding you.
You didn’t need to think twice to think who’s scent that was, the musk and manly scent could only belong to-

“Jung Hoseok, get your arm off me.” You sneered as you shook Hoseok’s arm off, letting it fall limp next to the boy who curled his lip into a pout and rested his chin on your shoulder, ticking you off more and he knew.

“Aw, is my wife mad at me?” Hoseok whined, his arms wrapping around your torso and pulling you in for a hug that you tried to shake off but his grip was too strong.

“I am no one’s wife, now let go of me.” You growled as you tried to pull Hoseok’s arms away who only tightened even more.

“But Y/N,” Hoseok continued with his whining voice
“Didn’t we say we’d marry one another.” You stopped your tracks and let out a huff.

“I’d never marry a snob like you, Hoseok.” You could feel Hoseok smirking, but whatever he wished to say it had to wait as his friends called for him.
Finally releasing you Hoseok moved away from you, but not before placing a small and quick kiss on your forehead.
“See you later, my wife.” Hoseok teased, giving you a small wink before running to his friends who eyed you up and down, even though they knew the routine they never got bored of it nor did he.
You were red from both anger and embarrassment. Even after all those times, after all those meaningless kisses your heart still jumped at the sight of Hoseok and you hated it.

“I am jealous though…” One of your friend sighed out as her eyes wandered out the window and down to the courtyard.
“It must be nice, being teased like that all the time by Hobi.” You made a sound of disgust as you threw daggers with your eyes at your friend.

“Please, don’t ever call him that, it’s disgusting.” Your friend let out another sigh as she rolled her head towards you.

“I don’t get it,” Another friend said as he looked over the table and out the window before looking back at you.
“You guys used to be so close together, what happened?”
You shrugged your shoulders as you too looked out the window and down at Hoseok playing basketball with his group of friends.

“Probably puberty,” You mumbled as you watched how Hoseok’s shirt curved along the muscles.
You couldn’t help but notice he had out grown his clothes again.

He really was getting taller.
Hoseok loudly cheered that even with the windows closed you could hear his chipper celebratory of winning a game and out of curiosity Hoseok looked up and into your classroom.
A smile that was brighter than the sun aimed at you as Hoseok shot you a wink, in return you rolled your eyes and head away from Hoseok, thanking yourself that both hands where covering your cheeks thus not showing your red hue.

Yes, puberty was one of the reasons why you and Hoseok grew apart, but that was safe to say a minuscule percentage of it all.
Only you and Hoseok knew the real reason why you both had grown apart, and to be frank you weren’t even sure if Hoseok remembered anymore.
Perhaps he had already buried the memory deep within himself and now solely teased you for the teasing.

“I like you.” Pause, freeze, just whatever makes the world stop please do so.
Did you hear that correctly, you weren’t being deceived or dreaming right?

“What?” You breathed out, not sure what to say.

“I said, I love you Y/N [L/N]!” His face was beet red, his eyes shut tight as he faced the ground, shoulders stiff and hands clenched in fists.
He was nervous and you could tell, even understand why.

You were still elementary kids, soon to graduate and he took the opportunity to confess in hopes it would be the beginning of a new era and transition of life, but little dumb you denied.
Even though you promised, you couldn’t because your heart didn’t beat the same way Hoseok’s did for you.

“Hobi, I- I am sorry." 

Ever since then Hoseok acted different around you.
First he was completely avoiding you, then he was being mean to you and now he was simply teasing you.
But how cruel it may sound, over the years it was your turn to fall for your childhood friend.
Watching him become stronger, being able to protect himself and do things without your help and the fact he was now towering over you was already to much.
Hoseok wasn’t the little boy that would run behind you anymore, no, he was now a man that you were running behind. If you knew love could be this unfair, you’d never fallen into it, but by all means did you deserve the pain.
Sure you had your relationships, but they never seemed to heal that gaping hole Hoseok used to live in, in fact it only grew larger with every girl you had seen him with.

"Hmm, I wish puberty would make me as handsome.” One of your friends hummed and all you could do was let out a chuckle.

The day went over pretty fast and before you knew it, you were already on your way to the bike stalls.
The first thing you noticed was the empty spot of the red, white and black mash of a motorbike.
It wasn’t the first nor the last time you had seen Hoseok’s motorbike missing, for one he had different hours of school and for two he liked skipping school more than the girls in his bed.
Not thinking much of it you unlocked your bike and made your way home, passing by the river bank that never ceased to amaze you, but also never ceased to sadden you or amuse you all at once.
When you were little you’d often come here with Hoseok and sometimes other friends, playing all sorts of games that ended with soaking clothing and scolding just to do it all over again.
It was a river with good memories, but also a river with bad ones as this was the river Hoseok confessed and you rejected him without any further explanation why.
You could hear the sound and vibration of your phone in your bag going off, stopping your bike you swung your bag in front of you and began to rummage to your bag.
Fishing out your phone you could see your screen turned on with the caller ID of your parent.

“Hello?” You answered.

“Y/N, Honey, could you go to the grocery store and get something for me?”

A good hour passed as you finally rolled your bike into your driveway, placing your bike against the house and locking it.
You quickly jogged up and pulled out your keys from your bag and unlocked the door of your house.

“Hello?” You yelled, but no one answered, odd.

“Hello, anyone here?” You yelled again, kicking off your shoes as you walked into your living room.
There on the small coffee table was a bright yellow note with black inked scribbling.

Dear Y/N,

Could you be a dear and pass by Hoseok?
His mom called me to ask if I could look after him,
apparently he called in sick.


However I am at work now, 
so I can’t but I hope you can!

Love,

[Parent]

You let  out a heavy sigh, understanding for who these remedies and others belonged to.
It had been years since you last went to Hoseok’s house, it was a few houses down yours but even so that did not stop you as a little kid from seeing your best friend.
But now, now you did your hardest not to come near that place, avoiding it like the plague.
You even changed your biking route just so you can avoid his house, it did add up some minutes which meant leaving the house earlier but if that meant you didn’t see Hoseok you were fine with it.
Taking a deep breath you slumped back to the door, even though you didn’t want to go at all you had too.

You knocked on the door of Hoseok’s house, but no reply. Perhaps he was asleep?
Trying again you still did not receive an answer.
You would have used the bell if it wasn’t for the post-it saying it was broken.

Trying it for the third time there still was no answer, so the best thing you could think of was to walk around the back and into his garden.

If luck was with you the spare key would be still under the yellow gnome and luck was with you as you saw the glimmer of silver.
Hoseok told you about the secret key when he was little, he even showed it to you more often than sometimes because he forgot his own.
Unlocking the backdoor you placed the key back under the gnome before walking in.
It was quiet, actually no, there was a soft sound of music coming from upstairs.

“Ah, that’s why.” You whispered to yourself as you walked out of the kitchen and into the hallway.
Kicking off your shoes you began to slowly walk upstairs, the music becoming louder as came closer to Hoseok’s room.
By now you were in front of Hoseok’s room and could hear the music clearly.
It was a nice beat that thumped into your body, but that was not the thing that stopped you from coming into his room, it was the voice of Hoseok, he was rapping.

You remembered as a child how the boy would talk about how one day he’d become a rapper, but you never expected to hear his rapping voice.
You must have been in trance because you did not hear nor feel that the music had stopped, it was only when the door of Hoseok’s room opened up was when you got pulled back into reality.

“Oh!” Hoseok yelled as he stumbled back into his room, hand clutching his chest as you watched the man with wide eyes, they even grew wider when you saw Hoseok stumble and fall onto the ground causing your body to launch towards him and within seconds you were kneeling besides him.

“Y/N?” Hoseok asked shocked.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” And now he was mad.

“I, uh,” You began
“Your mom called to ask if I could look after you.”

“Why?” You raised your eyebrow as you looked at the confused expression of Hoseok.

“You’re…sick, right? That’s why your mom called.” Hoseok immediately let out a laughter as he shook is head.
“She actually fell for it?” You could hear him say in-between laughter and you became confused.

“Wait, what?” Hoseok was now laying on the floor bursting into that laughter that was like heaven, but now was nothing more than confusion.
You watched Hoseok with furrowed brows for a while before it clicked.
He skipped school again, his mom must have been home and he blatantly lied to her which made her worry because she couldn’t be there to take care of her son, thus she called your parent(s) which lead too them calling you and making you spend money on a lie.
“Are you serious.” You exclaimed before letting your index and thumb circle your temples.
“I sped all this for nothing?” You breathed out, anger seeping through your words as you hoisted up the plastic white bag.
Hoseok stopped laughing as he looked up at what you were holding before pushing himself off the ground with a wide smile.

“Oh how sweet,” Hoseok cooed as he leaned in closer, your body suddenly becoming hyper aware of how his breath tickled your skin and causing bumps to rise on your skin.
“My wifey came to take care of me.” You felt your skin burning up and you were positive you looked bright red, but even so that did not stop you from trying to defend yourself.
No matter how close Hoseok was and no matter how good he smelled, when did he start wearing cologne?

“In your dreams.” You spat as you averted your eyes, not seeing Hoseok’s smile grow wider if possible.

“Oh how did you know I dream about you?” Your body stiffened as you shot your head towards Hoseok who burst into laughter, face in hand as his other hand slapped his thigh.
“She fell for it!” He exclaimed.

You now felt every blood cell rising to your head and your body rocking, how did you fall in love with such a snob?
Huffing you pushed yourself off the ground, ready to leave but Hoseok stopped you by grabbing hold of your wrist, locking down at him with furious eyes Hoseok tried his best not to laugh again.

“I’m sorry, don’t go.” Hoseok begged and you scoffed.
“No, Y/N, I am serious.” Hoseok dropped his head as he took his bottom lip between his teeth.
“It’s been awhile since you visited, stay for a bit will you?” Your heart jumped and all you wanted to do was take it and throw it away.
How was it still thumping after that? Even so you agreed.

“Fine,” You sighed as you pulled your wrist back and watched how Hoseok’s cheeks became prominent do to that dorky smile of his.
That must have been the only thing that stayed the same.

“Since you’re here, I want you too review my song!” Hoseok exclaimed as he pushed himself off the ground and towards his computer.

“Song?” You said.

“Yeah, it’s more of a rap but that doesn’t matter.” Hoseok said as he turned around cocking you an eyebrow. “Not going to take a seat?”
You eyed the bed and felt extremely nauseous as you thought about all the things that happened on there and in a odd way incredibly jealous.
Hoseok noticed the way you stared at his bed and chuckled. 

“Don’t worry, I cleaned the sheets.” You turned your head towards Hoseok who had turned back to the screen.

“I wasn’t-”

“Sure you weren’t.” Hoseok interrupted you, you wanted to defend yourself but who would fall for that?
Taking his headphones Hoseok as he walked towards you.
Thinking he was going too hand the headphones to you, you held your hand out but how wrong you were. Pushing away your hand Hoseok placed the headphones on you, causing too once again heat up. Music began to consume you and soon you heard the strong voice of Hoseok.
You once more became in trance and seeing your reaction Hoseok seemed content with it, smiling brightly which you couldn’t help but too smile back.
You stood like that for a while until the music began to slow down into a stop, your hands moved up to remove the headphones but stopped as they felt another pair of hands.
Hoseok hadn’t moved his hands, instead he pushed the headphones closer to your face almost squishing it.

“H-Hoseok?” You stuttered.

“Y/N,” Hoseok muffled voice said, sounding steady yet seeming nervous.

“I still like you." 

You didn’t know why, you really did not know why but your body went into panic mode and before your mind could stop anything your mouth would produce you already spoke.
"Ah, the rap is really good.” You said as you pointed at the headphones before sliding it off, ignoring the confused and hurt expression of Hoseok.
“But that was not what I came for.” You forced out a laugh as you grabbed the plastic bag and walked off without saying anything. Cursing at yourself for being such an idiot.

You lost track at the fifth day of skipping school.
Never had you skipped school, let alone for a reason this stupid.
Once again you rejected Hoseok, why? Because you were afraid.
Afraid you might loose someone you had spend your whole life time with, afraid you might loose all the good memories, afraid of all the stupid.
You didn’t know how, but so far you had been let off by your school who was fooled that you were sick for it must have been two weeks since your absence and the incident at Hoseok’s house.
You shouldn’t have gone.

Even though it felt terrible to skip school, you didn’t want to risk being seen by Hoseok who must be furious with you.
Besides you didn’t want to think about him, then why where you in your secret hideout by the river bank?
It was behind a dense set of bushes and with the right movements you would be able to avoid the thorns and by your surprise you still memorized the path.
It was a rather hard place to find, but once you had bypassed the bushes you were greeted by a beautiful view of how the river bank formed into sea.
The place was just underneath a look out point for couples and you could see why, you could also see why Hoseok picked out this place to confess.

Pulling the blanket  you had taken from home over your shoulder you let out a deep and frustrating sigh.
You took bite of the lunch you packed as you felt your chest tightening and tightening by the minute and it wasn’t long before you started to sob softly.
You must look so stupid with food in your mouth and crying about a boy you shouldn’t be crying over at all.

“Hoseok is such an idiot.” You mumbled through your sobs and bites.
“Why does he love me, out of all the girls, me?” You scoff as you wiped away the never ending tears.

“No, why am I an idiot?” You asked yourself,
“Why out of all people did I fall for Hoseok? I don’t deserve such an idiot like him.” You said as you took more of the food and by now was practically shoving it in your mouth in hopes you would stop the tears from coming but it only made it worse. 

Your mind began to replay all the memories you shared with Hoseok to the point you had been sobbing with a mouth full of food.

You really fucked up.

You really fucked up for falling for him.

You really fucked up rejecting him.

You really fucking love him.

“And I love you too,” You could hear a voice say from behind you.
Your body stiffened as you felt a pair of arms sneaking around you and pulling you flush against a body much more broad than yours.
You felt hairs tickle your cheek as you stayed silent.
“You’re cruel, Y/N.” You could hear Hoseok mumble into your shoulder.
“Cruel too me for rejecting and cruel too yourself while you love me as much…”
You slowly turned around to look a Hoseok who stifled a laugh as he saw your puffed out cheeks filled with food and your red eyes you looked like a mess, but at the goddess at the same time.
Swallowing the last bit of food your mouth fell open.

“You’re going to catch flies or better, me.” Hoseok said as he leaned in forward.
Your body rang bells as Hoseok had his lips dancing with yours but it didn’t take long before you melted into the kiss.
Turning your upper body around giving Hoseok more access you began to snake your arms up Hoseok’s before clasping themselves at the back of Hoseok’s neck and pulling him closer to you on the blanket underneath you.

Your body let out a deep and content sigh as you parted lips with Hoseok.
A light flush on his cheeks while yours was red, but you didn’t care.
“Shit,” Hoseok mumbled “I waited for this so long." 
You didn’t say simply act as you pulled Hoseok back into the kiss, his hands moving up to your body moving them over your waist as Hoseok moved his lips away from you and down your jaw and to your neck as you both descended down.

"Please tell me you want this as much as I do.” Hoseok said in between kisses.

“I, Hoseok, I do” You moaned out.

“Ah fuck, you sound so beautiful.” Hoseok breathed out as he found your sweet spot of your neck, causing you to moan out in bliss. "Shit,“ Hoseok hissed he accidentally grazed his hardened member over your thigh, stopping his movements to collect himself but you weren’t on the same page.
Pushing Hoseok, you easily topped him, eyeing you with both excitement and confusion you moved down.

This was not your first, but by all means did it not mean you weren’t nervous.
Hoseok’s face grew a smile as he figured out what you were up too.
Your back arched, making your ass the view of the ocean. But Hoseok had no idea where to look at, your ass or those round doe eyes filled with lust.

Undoing his pants and pulling his underwear along, Hoseok’s member stood proud in front of you.
Demanding attention you happily give to him.
Hoseok suck the air through his teeth as his head fell back at the feeling of your mouth wrapping around his member as he did his best not to release right there and then due to the overflowing excitement.
Forcing to look back, Hoseok licked his lips as he watched how you took him all in, eyes locking with his.

"You feel so good, babe.” Hoseok growled, eyes closing as he felt your moan of approval through his body.
Your tongue swirled around Hoseok’s member, dragging it up all the way to the tip giving it a small and quick swipe, tasting the bitter taste of Hoseok before going back down onto him.
Hoseok hissed as one of his hands flew up to your hair, grabbing a fistful.
With a few more movements Hoseok would come undone, but a few sounded too much for the man who began to move his hips.
Groaning in pleasure as he could hear and feel the sound of you choking on his member.
Trying to calm down you tried to take in a much as Hoseok had to offer, trying to fight back the tears and the pain.
With a thrust or two your mouth was filled with Hoseok’s pleasure.
With a pop you moved off Hoseok, chin glistening and Hoseok took a moment to drink in the heavenly goddess that sat before him.
Pulling you back up Hoseok wiped away the excess pleasure from your face, moving into kiss you-

A loud vibrating noise came from Hoseok’s bag, trying to ignore it Hoseok went back to another attempt into kissing you but once again the vibration came.
Groaning out of frustration Hoseok fished his phone out of his pocket and picked up whoever called him with much aggression in his voice.

“What?” Hoseok spat.
“What?!” He yelled.
“…Fine.” He sighed.

Throwing his phone back into his bag Hoseok looked back at you with sorry-eyes, combing your hair into a neat state.

“I have to go.” Hoseok whispered.

“What, why?” You asked, fear and confusion evident.

“Friend problem,” Hoseok sighed out, moving aside as he pulled his pants up.
You simply watched as Hoseok got up, watching him leave.
But before that Hoseok leaned in, his lips caressing your ear as a hand slipped down into your jeans and stroking your wet underwear.

“So wet, what a shame.” Hoseok purred in your ear.
With a long swipe that made your head fall onto Hoseok’s shoulder the man chuckled.

“Remember that for later.” Hoseok said as he removed his hand, earning a whine that you did not allow your body to make.
“Don’t worry babe, your boyfriend is going to make you feel better later”

With that Hoseok left.
It took a while before you realized what the man just said.
Hoseok said he was your boyfriend and better yet, 

He was going to make you feel better.

 

 

Originally posted by vhyung

(Gifs by sweaterpawsjimin
             vhyung )

I warned you it was bad, see.
But if you read through the whole thing, I applaud you.
You just witnessed a waste of time because this story is literally a long ass forced story due to writer’s-block.

Also you can request stuff if you want.

Find the lie...

A person makes the following statements:

-I took meth for nine months and spent two years in the rehab center in total.
-I grew up in Palouse.
-My parents made a small fortune as farmers.
-I moved to the Big Apple to become a popular journalist.
-My fiancé left last summer after we had been engaged for a year.
-My skin is black enough to let my teeth appear white, though I think they are a bit yellow.
-My therapist says I have a low self-esteem.

What is the lie?

What it's like to have a colonoscopy

For many, the concept of a colonoscopy is hilariously degrading. My husband’s best friend had one once before we knew each other, and they loved to joke about the personally violating anal probe. I don’t even know where to start with them on that, but I’d bet you could ask Joe now about colonoscopies and his opinion would be a little bit less humorous. You know, I’m inclined to laugh about it, but not in a South Park-aliens-anal-probe kind of way. I’ll put the rest of this blog, including the results and “what this means” under the link below. 

My intention is to make others feel comfortable with the concept of a colonoscopy. I’ve had four to date, and they want people with my age and condition to have one every year. If anyone comes across this on Tumblr, feel free to send me a message with questions.

Keep reading

I was probably 19 when I first came to Hollywood. Eddie Murphy brought me out to do Beverly Hills Cop II and he had a deal at Paramount, so I remember going through the gates of the Paramount lot. He’s in a Rolls-Royce, and he’s not just a star, he’s the biggest star in the world. Don Simpson and Jerry Bruckheimer’s office was in the same building as Eddie’s office, and they would come to work every day with matching cars. Some days it would be the Porsches, and the next day it would be Ferraris. I was like the kid in A Bronx Tale. I got to just hang around when the biggest parts of show business were happening. I was only there a couple of weeks, but I remember every day Jeffrey Katzenberg would call Eddie Murphy — I don’t even know if Eddie was calling him back — but it was like, “Jeffrey Katzenberg called again.” “Janet Jackson just called.” “Michael Jackson called.” It was that crazy. I’ve still never seen anything like it. I had a small part in the movie, but my dream was bigger than that. I wanted to have a convertible Rolls-Royce with a fine girl driving down Melrose blasting Prince.

Now I’m not Murphy, but I’ve done fine. And I try to help young black guys coming up because those people took chances on me. Eddie didn’t have to put me in Beverly Hills Cop II. Keenen Wayans didn’t have to put me in I’m Gonna Git You Sucka. Arsenio didn’t have to let me on his show. I’d do the same for a young white guy, but here’s the difference: Someone’s going to help the white guy. Multiple people will. The people whom I’ve tried to help, I’m not sure anybody was going to help them.

And I have a decent batting average. I still remember people thinking I was crazy for hiring Wanda Sykes on my old HBO show. I recommended J.B. Smoove for Saturday Night Live, and I just helped Leslie Jones get on that show. She’s about as funny as a human being can be, but she didn’t go to Second City, she doesn’t do stand-up at The Cellar and she’s not in with Judd Apatow, so how the hell was she ever going to get through unless somebody like me says to Lorne Michaels, “Hey, look at this person”? I saw her at a comedy club four or five years ago, and I wrote her name down in my phone. I probably called four managers — the biggest managers in comedy — to manage her, and all of them said no. They didn’t get it. They didn’t get it until Lorne said yes a few years later, and then it was too late.

Some of these younger black guys just want me to see their act. Some come to me for advice. Hannibal Buress called the other day. They want to know about agents and managers and the business; this kind of deal and that kind of deal; dealing with the media and dealing with family; money crap and where they should live. It’s big brother shit, and they ask because there aren’t that many black people to turn to. Who do you hire? Where’s the big black PR agency? Where are the big black agents? Where’s the big black film producer? That’s why I’ve been all over Steve McQueen. I put a microchip in Steve’s pocket and track him like an Uber driver. Steve thinks we keep bumping into each other by accident. “Hey, Steve, my man!” I don’t care if I have to play a whip, I’m going to be in a Steve McQueen movie. But I digress.

It’s a white industry. Just as the NBA is a black industry. I’m not even saying it’s a bad thing. It just is. And the black people they do hire tend to be the same person. That person tends to be female and that person tends to be Ivy League. And there’s nothing wrong with that. As a matter of fact, that’s what I want for my daughters. But something tells me that the life my privileged daughters are leading right now might not make them the best candidates to run the black division of anything. And the person who runs the black division of a studio should probably have worked with black people at some point in their life. Clint Culpepper [a white studio chief who specializes in black movies] does a good job at Screen Gems because he’s the kind of guy who would actually go see Best Man Holiday. But how many black men have you met working in Hollywood? They don’t really hire black men. A black man with bass in his voice and maybe a little hint of facial hair? Not going to happen. It is what it is. I’m a guy who’s accepted it all.

We cut it out in Top Five, but there had been a scene where Kevin Hart, who plays my character’s agent, is in his office talking to me, and he finds out that “Zoolander” (Ben Stiller) is down the hall and he’s mad because none of the agents called him. He’s the only black agent at the agency, and there was a line in the movie like, “I’m the only black agent here. They never invite me to anything, and these people are liberals. This isn’t the Klan.”

But forget whether Hollywood is black enough. A better question is: Is Hollywood Mexican enough? You’re in L.A, you’ve got to try not to hire Mexicans. It’s the most liberal town in the world, and there’s a part of it that’s kind of racist — not racist like “F— you, nigger” racist, but just an acceptance that there’s a slave state in L.A. There’s this acceptance that Mexicans are going to take care of white people in L.A. that doesn’t exist anywhere else. I remember I was renting a house in Beverly Park while doing some movie, and you just see all of the Mexican people at 8 o'clock in the morning in a line driving into Beverly Park like it’s General Motors. It’s this weird town.

You’re telling me no Mexicans are qualified to do anything at a studio? Really? Nothing but mop up? What are the odds that that’s true? The odds are, because people are people, that there’s probably a Mexican David Geffen mopping up for somebody’s company right now. The odds are that there’s probably a Mexican who’s that smart who’s never going to be given a shot. And it’s not about being given a shot to greenlight a movie because nobody is going to give you that — you’ve got to take that. The shot is that a Mexican guy or a black guy is qualified to go and give his opinion about how loud the boings are in Dodgeball or whether it’s the right shit sound you hear when Jeff Daniels is on the toilet in Dumb and Dumber. It’s like, “We only let white people do that.” This is a system where only white people can chime in on that. There would be a little naivete to sitting around and going, “Oh, no black person has ever greenlighted a movie,” but those other jobs? You’re kidding me, right? They don’t even require education. When you’re on the lower levels, they’re just about taste, nothing else. And you don’t have to go to Harvard to have taste.

Fifteen years ago, I tried to create an equivalent to The Harvard Lampoon at Howard University, to give young black comedy writers the same opportunity that white comedy writers have. I wish we could’ve made it work. The reason it worked at Harvard and not at Howard is that the kids at Howard need money. It’s that simple. Kids at Harvard come from money — even the broke ones come from money. They can afford to work at a newspaper and make no money. The kids at Howard are like, “Dude, I love comedy, but I’ve got a f—ing tuition that I’ve got to pay for here.” But that was 15 years ago; it might be easier to do it now because of the Internet. I don’t know.

I really don’t think there’s any difference between what black audiences find funny and what white audiences find funny, but everyone likes to see themselves onscreen, so there are some instances where there’s a black audience laughing at something that a white audience wouldn’t laugh at because a black audience is really just happy to see itself. Things that would be problems in a world where there were a lot of black movies get overlooked. The same thing happened with those Sex and the City movies. You don’t really see that level of female movie that much, so women were like, “We’re only going to get this every whatever, so f— you, f— the reviews, we’re going, we like it.”

And you should at least be able to count on your people, and then it grows from there. If someone’s people don’t love them, that’s a problem. No one crosses over without a base. But if we’re going to just be honest and count dollars and seats and not look at skin color, Kevin Hart is the biggest comedian in the world. If Kevin Hart is playing 40,000 seats in a night and Jon Stewart is playing 3,000, the fact that Jon Stewart’s 3,000 are white means Kevin has to cross over? That makes no sense. If anybody needs to cross over, it’s the guy who’s selling 3,000 seats.

But here’s one thing I’ve noticed in the last five to seven years, and I didn’t think I’d live to see this day. There used to be black film and Eddie Murphy, and the two had nothing to do with each other. Literally nothing. And in the world of black film, everything was judged on a relative basis — almost the same curve that indie films get judged on. It was, “Hey, House Party made a lot of money relative to its budget,” or “Oh, we only paid $7 million for New Jack City and it made $50 million.” Now, not only are black movies making money, they’re expected to make money — and they’re expected to make money on the same scale as everything else.

I think they’ve been better in the last few years, too — a little more daring, a little funnier. But look, most movies suck. Absolutely suck. They just do. Most TV shows suck. Most books suck. If most things were good, I’d make $15 an hour. I don’t live the way I live because most things are even remotely good. But when you have a system where you probably only see three movies with African-American leads in them a year, they’re going to be judged more harshly, and you’re really rooting for them to be good a little more so than the 140 movies starring white people every year.

The best ones are made outside of the studio system because they’re not made with that many white people — maybe one or two, but not a whole system of white people. I couldn’t have made Top Five at a studio. First of all, no one’s going to make a movie with a premise so little and artsy: a star putting out a movie and getting interviewed by a woman from The New York Times. I would have had to have three two-hour meetings explaining that black people also read The New York Times. A studio would’ve made it like Malibu’s Most Wanted. And never in a million years would they have allowed a scene where the rich guy comes back to the projects and actually gets along with everybody. No way. In most black movies — and in most black TV shows and even in most black plays — anyone with money or an education is evil, even movies made by black directors. They have to be saved by the poor people. This goes back to Good Times and What’s Happening!!

Now, when it comes to casting, Hollywood pretty much decides to cast a black guy or they don’t. We’re never on the “short list.” We’re never “in the mix.” When there’s a hot part in town and the guys are reading for it, that’s just what happens. It was never like, “Is it going to be Ryan Gosling or Chiwetel Ejiofor for Fifty Shades of Grey?” And you know, black people f—, too. White women actually want to f— black guys, sometimes more than white guys. More women want to f— Tyrese than Jamie Dornan, and it’s not even close. It’s not a contest. Even Jamie would go, “OK, you got it.”

Or how about True Detective? I never heard anyone go, “Is it going to be Amy Adams or Gabrielle Union?” for that show. I didn’t hear one black girl’s name on those lists. Not one. Literally everyone in town was up for that part, unless you were black. And I haven’t read the script, but something tells me if Gabrielle Union were Colin Farrell’s wife, it wouldn’t change a thing. And there are almost no black women in film. You can go to whole movies and not see one black woman. They’ll throw a black guy a bone. OK, here’s a black guy. But is there a single black woman in Interstellar? Or Gone Girl? Birdman? The Purge? Neighbors? I’m not sure there are. I don’t remember them. I go to the movies almost every week, and I can go a month and not see a black woman having an actual speaking part in a movie. That’s the truth.

But there’s been progress. When I was on Saturday Night Live a few weeks ago, we did a sketch where I was Sasheer Zamata’s dad and she had an Internet show. Twenty years ago when I was on Saturday Night Live, anything with black people on the show had to deal with race, and that sketch we did didn’t have anything to do with race. That was the beauty: The sketch is funny because it’s funny, and that’s the progress. And there are black guys who are making it: Whatever Kevin Hart wants to do right now, he can do; I think Chiwetel is a really respected actor who is getting a lot of great shots just because he’s really good; if Steve McQueen wants to direct a Marvel movie, they would salivate to get him. Change just takes time. The Triborough Bridge has been the Robert F. Kennedy Bridge for almost 20 years now, but we still call it the Triborough Bridge. That’s how long it takes shit to change. We’re not going to be calling it the Robert F. Kennedy Bridge for another 10, 15 years. People will have to die for it actually to be the Robert F. Kennedy Bridge.

I don’t think the world expected things to change overnight because Obama got elected president. Of course it’s changed, though, it’s just changed with kids. And when you’re a kid, you’re not thinking of any of this shit. Black kids watch The Lord of the Rings and they want to be the Lord of the Rings. I remember when they were doing Starsky & Hutch, and my manager was like, “We might be able to get you the part of Huggy Bear,” which eventually went to Snoop Dogg. I was like: “Do you understand that when my brother and I watched Starsky & Hutch growing up, I would play Starsky and he would play Hutch? I don’t want to play f—ing Huggy Bear. This is not a historical drama. This is not Thomas Jefferson. It’s a movie based on a shitty TV show, it can be anybody. Who cares. If they want me to play Starsky or Hutch, or even the bad guy, I’m down. But Huggy Bear?”

I wouldn’t be here if I thought I couldn’t play those parts. I never limited myself. And that’s the beauty of Obama. It might be a generational thing, because the difference between Barack Obama and Jesse Jackson was that Jesse Jackson never actually ran for president. He ran to disrupt the presidency. If he actually ran for president, he probably could have been president. Jesse Jackson won a bunch of primaries in Southern states, but not for five seconds did he think he could be president, whereas Obama was like, “Yeah, I could be president,” and nobody stopped him. Literally, nobody stopped him.

—  Chris Rock’s superb essay on Hollywood’s race problem, from the Dec 12th issue of The Hollywood Reporter.
A Court of War and Starlight: Part 58

(Read: Part I | II | III | IV | V | VI | VII | VIII | IX | X | XI | XII | XIII | XIV | XV | XVI | XVII | XVIII | XIX | XX | XXI | XXII | XXIII | XXIV | XXV | Nessian I | XXVI | XXVII | XXVIII | Elucien I | XXIX | XXX | XXXI | XXXII | XXXIII | XXXIV | XXXV | Elucien II | XXXVI | XXXVII | XXXVIII | Nessian II | XXXIX | XL | Feyrhys I | XLI | Elucien III | XLII | XLIII | Elucien IV | Nessian III | XLIV | XLV | XLVI | Elucien V | Azriel I | XLVII | XLVIII | XLIX | L | Elucien VI | Moriel I | LI | LII | LIII | LIV | LV | LVI | LVII | LVIII | LIX | LX | LXI | Nessian IV | LXII | LXIII | LXIV | LXV | LXVI | LXVII | LXIII | LXIX | LXX | LXXI | LXXII | LXXIII | LXXIV | LXXV | Epilogue )

CHAPTER FIFTY-EIGHT

I broke through the night, feeling the wind against my body and wings as it caused my hair to whip about my face. I could taste the brine in the air and the droplets of water on my face where both from the rain and from the cascades of ocean being cast up by the leviathan and by Lord Tarquin’s magic. I flew toward where Azriel, Mor, and my sister were approaching the shore.

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Day 7 - Sledding (30 Day Winter Challenge)

I’ll be the first to say that I bullshit my way through this, but I hope someone will get some enjoyment out of this.

(Nico di Angelo/Will Solace)

Getting out of bed had been a mistake.

And he knew this because he woke up from his three hours of sleep because of a call from Jason. Now, they usually weren’t bad, but Jason sounded slightly panicked and pleading.

Which meant Percy had had another brilliant idea and was dragging all of his friends into it.

“C’mon, Neeks. It’s sledding. It’s fun!” Nico could hear Percy yelling in the background of the call.

“Tell him I told him to fuck off,” Nico told Jason. “For waking me up this early to do a sport.”

Percy said something in the background.

“Percy says he’ll buy you McDonald’s.” Jason informed him.

Ha! So that’s how it was, uh? Bribery. Pfft. As if that was going to work.

“You little shits.” He told them to make sure they knew he wasn’t that easy. “Where do I meet you and when?”


The Fort Greene Park was full of people and loud, and Nico regretted joining them immediately.

“Where’s my stuff?” He mumbled to Percy, hands in the pockets of his parka and sunglasses to protect him from all that brightness.

“Jesus, Dracula the Third. Have some fun! Lose the scowl, will you?” Percy cheered.

Nico scowled at him.

“Okay.” Percy said with a roll of his eyes, his breath foggy. “At least join us in the sledding!”

Percy didn’t wait for an answer, grabbing him by the wrist and dragging him to the bottom of a small hill which was all covered in snow and with people already sledding. Children shouted, as usual, and parents all laughed or yelled even louder than them.

Nico missed his bed. The silence and dimness of his own room…

“Watch out!” Someone shouted, and before Nico could even process that he was hit by something at high speed.

The world tilted for a moment and he seemed to be weightless, like he was floating, the white of the snow making his eyes hurt due to the sudden loss of his sunglasses. But it all only lasted for a second before two arms enveloped his waist and he found himself on the floor, sitting on something.

Or rather… someone?

“Jesus Christ.” Someone — a man — whispered beside him, way too close. “A-are you okay? I’m so sorry, I didn’t see you—”

“No shit.” Nico mumbled, still slightly dizzy. Someone was screaming.

“Which is weird, considering you’re all in black…” He babbled on, and Nico had just about enough of him.

Until he looked up and took a good look at the stranger’s face.

What he saw was freckles. Freckles everywhere and blue eyes full of concern staring back at him. His blond, curly hair was shiny, catching his attention amidst this opaque winter.

And Nico was sitting on his lap.

Behind the man, Percy and Jason were running toward him, visibly desperate, but Nico made a motion for them to go away and not bother with him (he was more than fine), and soon returned his attention to the stranger, raising an eyebrow at him.

“So?”

“I—I’m s-sorry. I— Is there any way I can make it up to you somehow?” The man stuttered. “I-I’m a doctor. I can check you up, if you want. See if you hit your head or something…”

“I’m fine.”

“I insist.” He said in a firmer tone, staring straight into Nico’s eyes. Then he smiled a little, narrowing his eyes in a teasing way. “Doctor’s orders.”

Good God.

“Are you… flirting with me or something?” Nico said without thinking, hoping he didn’t sound as pathetically hopeful as he felt.

The man tilted his head, his features saturated with surprise — followed by confusion. He gulped, and Nico wished he could say he didn’t accompany the movement with interest.

Look, he was in a hot guy’s lap, okay? When was the last time this had happened?

Far too long ago, that’s when.

“Uh…” He licked his lips. “No? I’m really a doctor.”

For some reason, that made Nico even more annoyed. This really wasn’t the day for his flirting to go this wrong.

But then again, the day was already so bad this didn’t even come as a surprise. Ugh.

“And— wouldn’t you like to?” He asked, his tiredness seeping through his voice.

The man frowned, alarmed, and looked around himself as if looking for an explanation.

“To… flirt with you?”

“You know what, never mind. I’m just being plain stupid today.”

“No, wait, uh—” The man grabbed his wrist as Nico prepared to stand up. “L-let’s restart. I’m Will Solace.”

Nico hesitated before finally accepting today was bound to be weird and shook the hand Will Solace was offering.

Will Solace. Even his name was nice.

Fuck him.

“Nico di Angelo.”

“Di Angelo? Where is that from?”

“Italy.”

Will’s eyes lighted up, his posture suddenly going straight with interest.

“Seriously? I’ve always wanted to go there. Well, I’ve always wanted to visit everywhere, but Italy sounds calm and charming and rich with history.”

Nico smiled at him before his sense of reason could stop him.

“Well, I might take you there someday.”

Will smiled back, his cheeks seemingly deepening in color, the rose now vivid.

Well, maybe you should take me out for coffee first.”

Fucking finally.

Nico nodded, giving him a knowing look, and Will’s smile turned shy.

“Was that good?”

“Oh, it was perfect.” Nico praised, finally getting out of Will’s lap and helping him stand up as well.

“I have to say this was the most awkward conversation I’ve ever had.” Will mumbled, scratching the back of his head while Nico dusted the snow off his clothes.

“Same. But here’s my phone. Put your number on it and we’ll set something up.”

Will did, and somehow he was still blushing by the time he gave Nico’s phone back.

Oh, Nico would have a lot of fun with him.

“Thanks, Doc.” He winked, and for a moment delighted himself with the sight of Will’s jaw dropping although no words left his mouth.

Then he turned and walked away.

He guessed no ordinary day could be bad enough that it couldn’t be improved by a hot guy’s phone number.

He’d make good use of it.


*whispers* Joke’s on Nico… He’s gonna fall so hard for this shy sunshine boy. Plot twist, Will is the one to whisper dirty things in Nico’s ear and turn him on in the worst times and in the most public places and Nico loves him. Will is interesting and funny and lets Nico be with his dark emo done-with-the-world aesthetic because guess what?? Will loves him too!!! They adopt three dogs and their morning paper is the old senior dog sanctuary page on facebook

5

OH HEEEEEY! 

As my afro reaches it’s 2nd birthday in May I felt like making this little photo set which documented my transition to natural hair. 

Obviously as black girls we have all been subject to advertising reinforcing European beauty standards both in white media and our own (see first pic) but thanks to social media and youtube, I’ve learnt to accept myself and the way my hair looks. It’s beautiful. Black hair is incredible. 

I got my last relaxer on 19th May 2012. As I picked the bleeding scabs from my head, I remember making the decision to never to get a relaxer again. I wasn’t quite sure why? Health maybe…or I think I was intrigued about my hair for some reason. What did it look like even? I hadn’t seen it in 10 years. 

I had an awkward buns and braid-outs period where my hair was obviously two different textures and I had to explain to a lot of white people why my hair was doing the thing and what a relaxer is and why I wanted to stop getting them and how they’re permanent so I had to grow it out yada yada yada… that was pretty annoying. 

In November, after a year and 6 months of growing my natural hair out. I decided to bite the bullet and chop the dead straight relaxed ends off with a pair of stationery scissors. YUP! (see picture 4) 

The last picture is my hair now. After believing for years that my hair was damaged and that it wouldn’t grow, it’s flourishing like never before. I didn’t know my hair grew super fast!? 

So if you’re on your hair journey now…please don’t give up. I know it’s so much easier to stick to the creamy crack but the pros outweigh the cons by MILES. 

BIG LOVE 

Vicky xxx

Dear ARMYs: For “06-13-16 ∴ 3 Years”

Yo! The Enigma (ahem, that would be me) has left her cave to give a quick (though it probably won’t be quick) “thank you!”

I decided to start making Thank You posts for the graphics of mine. If you left tags on your reblogs, then you’re here~

  • NOTE: I appreciate all reblogs and likes, regardless of tags or commentary. This post is just to give a bit of extra love to those who “reached out.”
  • CTRL + F (or Command + F) to find your URL quickly!

In case you don’t remember the exact graphic, it’s HERE! :)

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Some thoughts about 4x13

I’m gonna try something new and write my thoughts about CS in each episode.

This time I want to start by saying a big thank you to the writers, for bringing me something I waited for such a long time to see, Emma assuring Hook that she will be there no matters what.  This was maybe the one thing I missed most in 4A. We had Emma opening her heart to him, taking the chance on love, while choosing to see the best of him. I recently said on another post that I believe that Emma proven her love to him in 4A and I stand by these words. The only thing that was missing was her lack of understanding that Hook was terrified that once she learns about his cruel actions in the past she will change her heart.

You don’t have to be a genius to see that Hook’s feelings were a direct result of his self-loath and guilt. And that he constantly feels unworthy of her. Like someday Emma’s gonna wake up and realized she was blind all along. What I loved so much about this episode is that this issue was finally put on the table for them. Between Elsa being in Storybrook and Rumple’s plot with the hat, this issue wasn’t properly addressed in 4A. It was one of the things I was most disappointed about and the one thing I needed most for 4B.

And you know what, this subject couldn’t fit more to the big picture dealt with this semi season. Is being a hero or a villain is really about black and white? We already saw in the last two episodes that the most pure heart people on the show also did some questionable stuff in their past. And it’s not only that, they are also telling lie after lie to cover their horrible secret.  We already had some clues in this episode that Emma is gonna flip over after she learns the dirty secret and it will make her question not only her parents, but herself. We also got this big clue that Hook will choose to see the best of her during this time.

We are already hearing a great deal about Emma’s potential dark side and I think the key word here to everything is “potential”. Emma is a product of the truest love, the truest emotions. And yes, emotions can be also negative. Everyone has a potential of being a dark or a “bright” person, a villain or a hero.  Being that powerful like Emma is, also means that her potential dark side is also the greatest.  The queens of darkness with the great help of Rumple will try to bring Emma to the other side by using the same trick Rumple used on Hook in 4x04, by messing with her head, letting her believe that she is just as evil as they are. But as I said the key word is “potential” and who more than Hook to help her see that being a hero is not a question of fate, it’s a matter of choice.

And up until now, Emma is choosing wisely. I was so incredibly proud of her in this episode. And I also agreed with everything she said to Hook in that last scene. I too hate it when people are lying to me, I have a much better chance on forgiving someone’s action if he didn’t lie to me about it in addition. 

Ironically, Snow and Charming took the words that they overheard exactly the opposite way that they should have. Instead of coming, just like Hook did, and say that they were indeed lying but they want to come clean now, they chose to miss understand completely what Emma meant and lie to her once more. I think on the long hole Emma’s gonna be most angry about the lie than the horrible act they did.

And on a last note, in this episode I finally understood what happened lately to Emma’s lie detector. I mean she was tricked by her parents and also Ursula and Cruella. But I realized today that Emma’s detector is not off, she is just choosing to ignore it, so she will see the best in people. Right now her parents are the ideal parents for her, just like when you are a little child. Emma never had a childhood with them so she is making up for lost times now. They are the ideals parents for her, the true heroes who would never lie to her. Emma is soon to wake up from this little fairy tale and understand that her parents are just human. They make mistakes, lie and are not always the heroes.  Basically, Emma is gonna turn into a bitter teenager for a while there, which also means testing her limits with bad behavior maybe. It’s gonna be interesting that’s for sure.